It's come to this. You've been tasked by your company or have enlisted an agency to create a viral video/campaign. However, you probably don't know what a viral campaign even looks like in the first place. There is a good reason for this: No campaign is actually viral in the first place.

Viral campaigns are actually just campaigns that are done well, resonate with their target audience and cross over to mainstream appeal. A viral campaign can cost as much as a million dollarsor be shot in someone's backyard for $50. It's all about the message, idea, and product you are trying to sell.

1. Try to Be Cool. Nothing looks worse then a corporation trying desperately to get d0wn with the youth. If you aren't cool, don't try to be. Otherwise you will end up looking incredibly stupid and out of touch. A recent example of of cool advertising is this Nissan Cube Commercial. Or you can really go for the gold by appealing to the girls from 1999: The Frosty Posse

2. Appeal to the Wrong Demographic. You can create the coolest thing since sliced bread. A campaign that is lauded by anyone that sees it (until they see what demographic you were going for). However, if it doesn't mean anything if the campaign doesn't connect with your product's main audience. You mean white paper jokes don't appeal to 8-12 year olds? Go figure.

3. Fail to Seed Properly. Seeding a campaign is no longer just an option. You best have all your ducks in a row pre-launch. Otherwise no one is going to see your campaign much less care about it. This is why utilizing PR outreach and social bookmarking becomes so important. Getting your message in front of the right people is becoming nearly as important as the message in this noise filled world.

4. Don't Integrate Your Message. You can't actually move product without having your content live everywhere. It needs to be a fully realized campaign with multiple heads in order to get the most bang for your buck. Just throwing a micro-site into the mix and calling it a day won't cut it.

5. Try to Make Something Viral. Want something to go viral desperately? It probably won't. Going viral usually is the result of either quality or unintentional hilarity/re-purposing. If you can't create or have someone create something from your campaignyou probably aren't going to go viral.

6. Play it Safe. Piss someone off. Be controversial. Be ridiculous. You can't have viral success if you are unwilling to cross a few lines and make a few people feel uncomfortable. That's just the nature of the beast.

7. Don't Make it Easy to Share or Remix. If you don't provide the tools to tie your campaign to social media, you will fail before you even begin. Take advantage of the rapid sharing/editing capabilities of social users. Do most of the work for them and enjoy the bump.

8. Remember: Funny>Smart. As a general rule of thumb, this is something to definitely keep in mind. The theory of relativity isn't going to gain as much traction as something that is incredibly funny. Ask Dane Cook (or Raaaaaandy).

9. Fail to use Auto-Tune. Name something from the past 6 months that has gone viral in the past that hasn't utilized some manner of auto-tune. Like it or not T-Pain owns the world right now.

10. Set Out to Create a Viral Campaign. Guess what? You won't. The chances of you actually creating a bona fide viral campaign are less then one percent. So concentrate on creating great work, pleasing your clients and being the best at what you do. If you get a viral hit? Fantastic, that just means you can keep doing the job you love.

"Venture Capitalists: Don't blame us" is the title of an 800-word essay at The Deal. This kind of headline always has an obvious, hidden meaning: Yes, VCs are to blame. Let's skip to the end and see how they did it:

Since Georges Doriot got the ball rolling in 1946, the venture business has remained a straightforward proposition. Invest long-term and earn a return for your limited partners. There have been structural changes, mostly involving VCs edging out of early-stage investment to focus on big bang later-stage deals. But venture investors have generally avoided the financial adventurism common to Wall Streeters.

Except, in one important respect: Many of the limited partners that fattened venture funds are the same pension funds, endowments and other institutions that in recent years levered up, piled into hedge and private equity funds, and otherwise made a big problem even bigger.

In turn, venture capitalists in recent years plowed much of that money into Web 2.0 companies, such as YouTube and Facebook Now that the economic crunch is affecting online advertising, these investments are no longer seen as can't-lose deals. It's time to pull out!

If Microsoft is back at the table trying to buy Yahoo's search business, an outside observer can only conclude that Microsoft has failed miserably at search. The question then is: How can Microsoft have tried so hard to crack the search market and fallen down so completely?

Let's see... here's Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates quoted in a story out of the World Economic Forum in 2004. Yes, four long years ago -- an eternity on the Web. From the story, talking about Google: "'They kicked our butts,' (Gates) said, while promising a better next-generation Internet search engine from Microsoft, due as early as next year." No next-generation search engine from Microsoft appeared in 2005.

Later in 2004, a Microsoft researcher both promised a Google-beating search engine and, at the same time, downplayed its importance. From a story that ran then:

One Microsoft technologist said web search technology will be a big money maker for Google and others in the short term but he predicted the party won't last long. Speaking before about 100 gathered for the Emerging Technologies Conference at MIT in Cambridge, Mass., Eric Brill, a senior researcher at Microsoft Research, said the "monetization" model of web search technology is at risk. Brill's comments come on the heels of Google's highly successful IPO last month and bullish Wall Street reports this week that sent Google shares soaring to a high of $127.

"There's tons and tons of money to be made," said Brill. He acknowledged that Microsoft is intent on playing catch up with its own web search engine later this year yet projected that both companies could hit a fiscal wall.

Some of those promises might have come out of early-2000s research -- after Microsoft specifically targeted the development of search and contextual advertising technologies. A 2003 report says Microsoft tripled its staff to go after search. In November 2003, the company told reporters it was coming out with a new search product to compete with Google. What happened there?

In 2005, Microsoft launched a "Search Technology Center" in Beijing. You'd think maybe the Chinese might have some fresh ideas about how to beat Google -- but apparently not. Otherwise Microsoft wouldn't be so desperate to buy Yahoo.

In January of this year, Microsoft even went out and bought an enterprise search outfit called Fast Search for $1.2 billion. Just last week -- last week! -- a Microsoft exec demonstrated "next-generation search" based on Fast Search at Gates' annual CEO Summit.

If Microsoft has been investing heavily in search-related research since 2003, thinking it had a major search product in 2004, founded a new search center in China in 2005 -- why would its next-generation search demo be based on a company it bought five months ago?

Even if Microsoft has internally developed whiz-bang cool search technology, the company has failed to widely deploy it or use it to win traffic and advertisers. The more Microsoft seems to desire Yahoo's search business, the more search seems like Microsoft's supreme screw-up.

Well, maybe its second worst screw-up, after Vista.

CBS News Forums
Scott Schwartz pointed out some interesting copy at the CBS News site. This is the text that precedes the comments section of a story:

Now you're in the public comment zone. What follows is not CBS News stuff; it comes from other people and we don't vouch for it. A reminder: By using this Web site you agree to accept our Terms of Service. Click here to read the Rules of Engagement.

Simple and to the point. And here's the Rules Of Engagement:

People who want to post comments on CBSNews.com are going to have to follow our rules. We know that not all forums are like that, but this one is.

There's legal language nearby. Here's the plain English: no libel, slander, no lying, no fabricating, no swearing at all, no words that teenagers use a lot that some people think aren't swearing but we do, no insulting groups or individuals, no ethnic slurs and/or epithets, no religious bigotry, no threats of any kind, no bathroom humor, no comparing anyone to Hitler, Stalin or Pol Pot. We expect heated, robust debate, but comments should be polite and civil. We consider this to be public space so behave and write accordingly.

Yes, what is not allowable is subjective. CBSNews.com absolutely reserve the right to remove posts we think break any of the rules or the spirit of the rules and we reserve the right to ban individuals from commenting. We will use language filtering programs to block certain words and we will use human editing too.

Comments should be limited to the topic of the original posting. This is not the place for private conversations, no matter how innocent.

We require everyone who comments to register and provide a real e-mail address. No exceptions. And posting comments is not the same thing as complaining to CBS News or notifying CBS News of a problem legally, there's a big difference.

Very important: if you see a comment that you feel is inappropriate, let us know by clicking on the comment complaint or report this complaint button.

As Scott says, Legalese be gone. And they know Godwin's Law to boot!

Peerless Faucet instructions
Franois Beausoleil writes: I just bought a Peerless faucet, and they have instructions on how to uninstall your existing one. (Viewable at FaucetCoach.com.)

All instructions for installing new faucets have the same first step: Remove the old faucet.' Well, we at Peerless thought it was about time someone provided some instructions for that too. Good luck to you, and may all your coupling nuts turn freely.

A couple of steps later:

... But first, put a towel or pillow under your back before you lie down. You'll thank us tomorrow morningTa-da. Your pop-up is popped-out.

And again:

... Have you banged your knuckles on the pipes yet? If so, congratulations. Get out from under the sink, apply a bandage and move on.

And the best piece yet:

Try to remove the faucetIn a best-case scenario, the faucet will come right out. In a could-be-better-case scenario, the faucet will just sort of snicker at you. ...

I didn't bang my knuckles, but I had fun reading these instructions. Took me three hours to remove/replace my faucet, but that wasn't the instructions' fault :)

Be like Mailer
Advice from a photographer features a bunch of great tips for any creative pro. One that stood out

24. Go to the Times today, and read the Norman Mailer Obit. Try to create your life to be half as interesting as his life. If you do that, you'll be fine.

Here's a link to Mailer's obit: Norman Mailer, Towering Writer With a Matching Ego, Dies at 84.

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