Barbie | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

Buy your tickets now! Croncast Live - Naperville

Fri, 18 May 2007 09:11:08 -0500

Ok people, we are set. You can now buy tickets to our first live show.

The show will be on Sunday, July 8th 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm at The Comedy Shrine in Naperville, IL.

If you need more information or are coming from out of town and need hotel information call Kris at (630) 303-9065.

This is what I wrote up for a description:

Join us for the first ever Croncast Live!

If you think that we're funny on the show come and get a first hand look at Betsy rolling her eyes during the intro, waving her hands wildly and all my Mr B moves.

Doing a "live" show, "live" meaning in front of people other than the My Size Barbie's and Goodwill prizes is something that we've wanted to do for a while and we want you to be at The Comedy Shrine with us.

Betsy and I are thinking of calling this the Suburban Bliss Tour . . . well, maybe I am, but regardless we are set for night of dairy snake, moob and other Croncastisms.

Pacific Northwesters, don't forget we'll be doing a Seattle show in August! More on that show soon.

Tags: croncast live show The Comedy Shrine Naperville Croncast Live tickets

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:52:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-18.mp3
Show: #351
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 18, 2007

Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.
We're here for your tax hangover
Welcome to Wednesday
They should start the new year with taxes
We said in January we we're going to run lean this year
Look at it as an opportunity
Hanging with the short bus dudes
Mr. B you should get a job as a bus driver
The driving tests
There is no way that they could insure me to drive a bus
Sorry I just need to get my edge
Way back when I was lactating
Who the hell reads the fine print?
Your tombstone Kris . . . . all in fine print
The lesson of my life
I am tired of and can't handle another fucking life lesson
Their is only place we haven't been stuck is investing
Unless it is my good looks
Gotta go to NY with puff in your cuff
Same camel hair jacket, less some hair
You can wear undees and have no close
David Sedaris being called out on embellishing
WTF world
What is this weekend Betsy?
First full sub-division sales
People higher up on the food chain
I love to eat the chum from the surface after the big ones have snacked
I signed the documents and didn't look up as she was asking
She was asking Betsy to sell some stuff on eBay
They beg and keep throwing the rope out
"You can take a commission" which means . . . we're cool right?
Liz . . . you are heretofore known as Mike Marusin's wife
Carla brings over a 15 year old Coach bag
Betsy needs her own show . . . "The Appraiser"
It's all $32.99
The stolen eBay accounts that keep buying her bags
The Nigerian shipping address flagged us
As your husband . . . it is embarrassing that people walk up to you and ask you to sell their junk
We're Sanford and Husband, you need to get over yourself
I need a junk shop it would be my dream
Junk spelled 'que' I can't take it
Junk shop to p's and an 'e', Junque Shoppe
I have it baby, your shoppe just needs to be an empty parking lot with the junk piled high
We can start it here in the cul de sac
CBI - chief bitch in charge
Betsy is now writing the greatest garage sale ad ever
She has to make it seem like the ultimate subdivision
It would be like a crappy play
Just take the junque think on tour
Vets treat animals not people
Take the dog to the vet and get it's medical history
Going to the hospital five hours later
Rabies isn't reality . . . but the rabid bats in your walls did it
Dead bat in the back of the toilet when I lifted up the lid
Pure evil
You probably killed the bat and don't remember doing it
Cuddling it too hard and put it in the toilet in a moment of stoned panic
Bow down bitches, I told you so doesn't fit
Baby it is always the same
You're cutting me off again Betsy
You would not succeed as a junk seller Mr. B
McDonald's still makes me happy
I can look at a T and T Barbie, a Twist and Turn from the 60's
Betsy has it locked down on eBay
You are addicted to selling junk
The same way that blue hairs addicted to scratch offs
You got the eBay juice
What happened to the purse business?
Kris busts into the NYC cab story
His wibbling moustache
Maybe that was the best part of the story
When you visit NYC have purpose, walk, talk act like you got something going on
The city is out to get you but can make it better
More people than I have ever seen in my live
It's like walking into the largest ant colony you have ever seen
In NYC people were nice
Right, now that they have your credit card number

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Tags: bus driver David Sedaris read the fine print junque shoppe dead bat in toilet

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:56:10 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-21.mp3
Show: #340
Length: 35:09
Size: 24.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 21, 2007

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

We don't trust you for vacations or cars
How creepy you are
Sitting at dinner and you'd bust out a stat on listener age
I don't want to change the show
I tries a demo plug
Who would advertise on our podcast?
Brand association
Dancing George Bushes
How do we add that to an audio podcast?
This show is brought to by a lot of people
Kris botches all the names
Sue B, I am sorry
So you have something for me that is disturbing and disgusting
For the last half hour you made me watch the NBC sex predator show
Sir is there anything that you want to say?
Sounds like vague entrapment
Get an attorney
That is when you end up with a female judge
They end up living in a trailer in the Mojave desert
Do sex predators end up working fast food?
Enlighten me to your idea
You finally got it out of here
Besides Spice Channel these were the winners of today's messed up searches
"my size barbie" modification s*x d*&^ (rather not have this get pulled up by search engines as real)
I told you that some pervert would do it
Oh, baby you are so wrong
It's too big and they are creepy
It's a 6 ft tall woman crammed into a 3 foot tall body
Of course creepy dudes are trying to bone them
"lactating for husband"
What do people think when they find us as a search result?
Oh, hey maybe I'll listen to this show instead of do Barbie
These contrived justice shows suck
It's all about what's wrong with America and how the Internet is destroying the world
Some people need their attorney before they go online
The setup television shows
The world doth go on, Kris, without you
Betsy's reality TV addiction
I Love New York
Real Housewives of Orange County
Rob and Amber
I wouldn't know what the internet looks like I can't use a computer in this house
Everyday in this house the UPS man rings the door bell and runs off like a gelding
When you are married ladies don't follow Betsy's example
So we're taking a month off

Tags: Dancing George Bushes Rob and Amber NBC predator show criminal entrapment vacations and cars

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:31:18 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-22.mp3

Show: #317
Length: 26:14
Size: 18.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 22, 2006

Today's show is brought to you by Craig Patchett
Sorry for this one Craig but I was in a bad mood last night and the show . . . well . . . it is shorter than usual, we owe you 4 minutes or so
Black Box Wine drink it like a spigot
I is like a giant juice box
That is the nice part about living with your mom
Franzia, no it is not Franzia
"Better than Franzia in small print"
I don't need any of that
The cell phone photo
Discarded prophylactic on the sidewalk
It was really the parking garage
Not common in a corporate parking garage
Betsy thinks it is normal for a suburban swampland
I know you were pretty young, mr ziploc
Wanna see where I took all my dates
It looked like a slasher set
Let's go take a look at the stars
When you're 16 it works
Discard the Cub Foods bag totally loaded
So where are they gonna go kick it Mr. B?
Behind Old Navy? No. Because freaks like me need cardboard
It is just something that you can't discard
Getting a Hep shot
Most people need them not catch if from the K-mart bathroom
Yes I did get super outraged
Betsy reads about herpies . . . Kris gets cold sores . . .NO HE DOES NOT
That's ok Kris I have come to grips with your disease
I don't have cold sores
Stress . . . bleedy pockets, are you nuts! . . . canker sores
The Monday role reversal
Listening to old shows and Betsy says some mean things to Kris
Betsy has broken down and is back at Goodwill
It's like selling Italian ice in the middle of winter
I wasn't going to tell you that I was going
But they had something perfect for you
Betsy calls and asks me to send her money
I never complain when she asks for Goodwill loot
Karma says Betsy should be there
And so did Kris
Kris's little country ditty for Betsy
"I swore off Goodwill on a Sunday, I was back at store opening on Monday"
Maggie got some pretty Barbies
I got you something the other day . . . I gotta wash it first
"You can't put this in the show notes"
(&*&^*&%&%&^*(&(*&(*&((*
*&^%GU*^YUI*YHU*&YU*((&^
(*HH^YT^G&HUI(IUI(KU&*I
Cut two sides out of a white kitchen back and wear it around all day
(&*&^*&%&%&^*(&(*&(*&((*
*&^%GU*^YUI*YHU*&YU*((&^
(*HH^YT^G&HUI(IUI(KU&*I
Thank god for internet porn
Kris really wants a . . . yeah 10 years ago
It was a lifestyle thing
Betsy finally tells me what she wants instead of reading between the lines
I'll probably drop it in the tub with you in it
We will be back on Christmas day!!
Find a quite corner on Monday and listen to the show all by yourself

Tags: Craig Patchett Black Box wine Franzia Discarded prophylactic canker sores bleedy pockets

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 06:40:56 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-04.mp3

Show: #309
Length: 32:42
Size: 22.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 04, 2006

Still a bad voice for Kris
Is today December 4th?
Don't ask me I'm a house wife. I lost track of time back in 2000 when I quit my job
I feel like an emphysemic grandfather
Esophageal lipo-sculpting
The man pit is the greatest addition to our house ever
The dog cleans up what is edible
Push down pop-up phenomena applied to basement
Slaughtering Grimace to harvest his flesh for couch coverings
I know have TV in the man pit thanks to Costco
No I just need a refrigerator
I'm not blowing fuses
I'm no sure Elliot wouldn't stick Gigi in it
"Everyone needs 3 pits"
I would smell even sweeter
The reason I don't exercise is for the smell
Corn oil would flow out of my pours
Evidently, we have helped John Elway end his relationship with Autonation (Thanks NCN)
We blew apart their self-esteem
The didn't want to be associated with Slowsky any more
Slowsky still for sale at the local dealership
Someone should buy it and make it their home
"If you were in here you'd be home!"
Betsy has no relationship with music
"You had to had music at some point in your life that has helped you," Kris
"No," Betsy
Only you Mr. B
Zoning out the world
Goodwill is Betsy's music
Erdich numbers could be turned into Resale Queen numbers
This week's finds . . . Starr, yes with two r's

There are more show notes but I need to go and change a stinky diaper.

Tags: Starr Barbie Costco TV John Elway Dodge Lego Star Wars Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 06:39:39 -0500

Croncast - 2006-09-06.mp3

Show: #271
Length: 37:06
Size: 25.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 6, 2006

The second show of the night . . . forgot to hit record
We've had a rough couple of days
You know crazy shit happens to us
When people tell you that you need to call your senator you have had a bad ass
Want to know what our lives are like . . . listen to this show
It all begins by working on labor day for Kris
Getting good for the family
I got into an arguement with chick at KFC
I should have went home
Karma has it out for me, it skewers me
Don's say stuff like that I'm a Unitarian
Nobody drives everyone walks
The area is heavily police patrolled
The family on bikes is spotted from far away
Here comes the forest preserve cop
They are half-way in between real cop and mall cop
The woman waves at me to say thanks for letting us through the crosswalk
Where did these cops come from?
I'm minding the speed limit
Two police cars driving really fast
Well, I am starting to think it has something to do with me . . .
I came to a complete stop, the real stop at a stop sign
About 1 mile from home I get pulled over
3 cop cars with lights sitting behind me
Windows down and moon roof open I hear the forest preserve cop start yapping (lying)
"He almost hit a family in a cross-walk"
Are there any problems with your driver's license Mr. Smith
No
Seems that your license has been suspended
I start thinking of Betsy immediately
I can arrest you here or arrest you at home?
Those are some sweet options
The forest preserve officer is asked, "Why didn't you radio this in?"
"I wanted to keep this off the radio", he replies
Why would it not need to be on the radio?????
Then he is treated like the mall cop that he is and leaves
Arrest me here or at home?
I have to yell out the window and ask him if I'm going to be arrested to do it here and not at my house
So let me tell you about the solid that the officer did for me
THANK YOU OFFICER WHO'S NAME I DON"T KNOW
I was saved by a bucket of chicken!!!!!!!
Now we get Betsy's side of the story
The bottom line is both our licenses are suspended and we can't drive
Thanks for the ride to work this morning Henry
We talk about NCN Podcast . . . thanks for the plug Jason! Check him out.
Betsy's eBay Barbie Locker thingy from the 50's or 60's
Wrap it up

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: KFC chicken buckets crosswalk forest preserve Kris

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 30, 2006

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 06:44:01 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-30.mp3

Show: #269
Length: 31:19
Size: 21.5 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 30, 2006

Betsy still working the intro
As parents we got our asses kicked
Not feeling the welcome
Powerpoint needs to die when used by educators
I don't want to look at dancing lunch meat
Granola is off limits with chocolate
There was a weird vibe between Elliot's teacher and Betsy
Elliot is in back of room which looks like front of room
He'll be carving his name in the desk soon
There's nothing you can say but good stuff when 30 parents are all listening
Eye contact has dipped to zero and she sized up Booba
Elliot will suffer know because of it
The tall child in front that everyone listens too
He is struggling in all first grade things
Camp to this has to be a hard transistion for him
Working at home with Elliot is even on routine it fails
Google how to put out the fire
Slowsky didn't get an oil change before our vacation
It stopped leaking oil . . . there was no more to leak
Betsy is back at Goodwill
Betsy is garbage picking from neighbors again
She is assured that the neighbors hate her, more on Friday 300 by 300th

Tags: Goodwill Barbie and Skipper vintage 1st grade Elliot

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 23, 2006

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:56:24 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-23.mp3

Show: #266
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 23, 2006

You decide
You look like the people on "V"
My dad had this girlfirend at that time
Barbies's like "V" people
Stuck in the room with a SciFi fan
Lord Hubbard
Betsy gets right into the email of stating the obvious
That was kind of mean to email to my husband
We get it very often
I know that Betsy is funny, funnier than I am. That is why she is on all the time.
Cosby reruns
Here's the how we started podcasting
Kris gives up
Betsy finishes the story because it is boring and she make it all good
No one cares
Are you retarded?
Betsy is even bored with the story
No wonder I am more clever than you
We should do this
Let's go to Kris with the weather
We're like ABBA
Up until this point I thought that things were getting better How much can I get for this equipment on eBay
Betsy says, "Three times a week is a lot of work. I could be sleeping."
The Goodwill ban is in place
Betsy financial disaster
I can't win
She would have bought a dog anyway
Elliot stabbed with a pencil in class on day two
Dolly Parton
Solid Gold in the 80's
Oh, the spoiled kids
Tony and Gary . . . thank you, we're sorry for this show.

Tags: V Hubbard ABBA Betsy Dolly Parton Solid Gold

All the old shows now available

Mon, 01 May 2006 07:03:59 -0500

All of the podcasts have now been moved over to the new site!

Our entire podcast library is ready for the six you who are going through the old shows or eneded up here from a Google search for spankies, barbie cup size, comcast dvr crack, my size barbie, deadliest catch, eeg 48 hour or bush I'm the decider recording mp3 . . . all real searches that landed people at Croncast.

It's everything show we've put out under Croncast since November of 2004 bundled up into one big ass feed.

10 Tons of Croncast

Tags: archive library Croncast old shows

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 06:49:30 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-14.mp3

Show: #215
Length: 40:58
Size: 28.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 14, 2006

Listen with iTunes? Leave us a comment - spread the word!

Show Notes

This humble home awaits demise and future teardown status.

Kris goes old school with the intro; it feels good
Go to Croncast.com and send an email with the contact form
"I am a mommy" it sucks your energy
You're not an iron worker
Pummeled by child, feed this one feed this one
Cabbage Patch Kids on eBay
The iMac is a shiny something that maintains Betsy's attention like a racoon
Cabbage patch kids with ink spots
Loose PayPal card means mommy is working hard
Old biddy pulls out vintage Cabbage Patch kids at Goodwill
Betsy's amazing knowledge of worthless garage sale info that floats in Betsy's head
If Betsy were the wizard she would be hugging the dolls
Marketing My Size Barbies to the the friendless
My size Barbie's cup overfloweth
My Buddy dolls are worth some bucks
I had a wagon that came out of the back of an El Camino (not really but a drag strip car)
Chicago style rats living in our shed as a kid
A pregnant rat from your worldly belongings
We had septic, don't worry about it
Sitting in a cloud of smoke watching Gator, "Don't worry son, you're safe, we got septic"
Crazy ass chainsaw with monster truck tires
A lumberjack should of had that chainsaw
Manly men and powerful chainsaws for your wifes blackberry patch
Taking care of the the sister
Finding a rental in Naperville isn't a mommy's job
Rubbing her head for the stressing me out look
There has to be a line
Fidning a rental over the internet
What do you lose, Betsy?
White Hen acostation where a nerd got put in his place
Teardowns are not evil
Kris says McMansion isn't fair term for the replacements
Kmart would have been a luxury (though i would never wear the clothes from there)
Betsy lays out her messed up youth and her liberal/conservative inner turmoil
How the shows will affect Elliot
Betsy wants stability, no moving, vacations and three squares a day
She's got Bush on one shoulder and Pauly Shore on the other
Every place is the same but a trade-off for some wierd bug or natural disaster
Slugs in the North West
Betsy will do whatever good Unitarians do on Good Friday
How are they going to pay first months rent?
Contest on Monday!! No idea what it is but the prize is a slightly used My Size Barbie

Tags: My Size Barbie contest Naperville McMansion Pauly Shore