Bernadette | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 22, 2007

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:22:02 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-22.mp3
Show: #400
Length: 35:37
Size: 24.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 22, 2007

The banner says #400 and it is correct
Betsy wants cards now
I am 50 percent of this show sucka!
You treat me like your cousin with a pick-up truck
"Don't ask me to help you move"
Put a sticker on my Volvo
"Don't ask me to help you podcast"
Suburban drama for you Kris
I have been hiding it all day
Bait and switch, You're like a dog Mr. B
Looked into the mailbox
And apparently some of our garbage blew into a neighbors yard
A ton of wet garbage was in it
There was orange stuff like I made it
If it had been out there a week why didn't you pick it up?
I haven't walked by it for a week
Since these people like grass so much
I am going to stuff their mail boxes with grass clippings
The 70 year old moms with college age kids here
One mommy walking on the other side of the street
I should segue back to when we first started the show
Bear you got to try
What has happened over time?
You started out positive . . . now look at you
I started out negative with no expectation for happiness in the burbs . . . now look at me
Yeah, I never leave the house
You keep driving my car
I have driven it 60 miles in the last 6 weeks
The last 800 have come from you
I feel tacky riding around with no hood ornament
What goes around comes around
Before we left for Seattle I was supposed to tell the traffic ticket story
Well, the court story from Denver
I didn't lie to you . . . I just didn't tell you
I knew better than to tell you
I was in a little Scion
Sure I was driving too fast
Has road food so swelled your man cleavage that you can't see the speedometer?
Speed limit should have been 65
Would Mr. Michael Scott please stand up?
This woman stands up
Judge asks 3 times if the person standing is Mr. Michael Scott
I'm thinking Steve Carell from the Office
People at my meeting told me it was speed trap
Made jokes that Colorado is out to get me
I knew on my way to the meeting that I wasn't going to tell
30 minutes of you yelling at me on the show
You would have told me that I was going to end up in jail
Mr. Michael Scott turns out to be a trucker
Betsy says, being pulled over while being tranny

We made it to #400! Thanks for letting us be a part of your life and allowing us to make you laugh. Yes, life is show prep and full of Croncast moments.

Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Steve Carell 400 podcasts Croncast grass clippings Denver moving violations

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:51:07 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-20.mp3
Show: #399
Length: 27:34
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

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Short on the show notes for today. Sorry, but I got to get to what pays the bills.

The Great American Yard Sale
Sonny and Cher
Rosanne
Letting the ResaleQueen price items at the sale
Flea bites
Don't put that in the show notes.

The 400th Croncast coming on Wednesday, hoorah!

Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Great American Yard Sale Sonny and Cher Rosanne Vickie Walzer packing your Volvo

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:45:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-17.mp3
Show: #398
Length: 29:56
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

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I'm losing my voice again
Thanks to your children
Serves you right!
Mr. "In a minute"
Hitting refresh is not a job
Doing who is queries all day
The fact that you know what a who is query is . . . time for love love
The pitter patter of Gigi upstairs
Don't spray that in your eye
Maggie locked me in the basement
Every woman in this house locks me in the basement
Once she realizes I am on one side and she is on the other she freaks out
Daddy, daddy dadddy
I begin to stress because I hear the crying
It activates that parental thing in me
There is one way out other than crawling out
A big man in a small window
Yeah, it is like fat women and little dogs
I begin yelling for the other one to come and unlock the door
The dogs start barking
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I start yelling up the vents hoping Elliot would hear me
Why didn't you just stick one man titty at a time out the window and ease out
You need to get out of the house Mr. B
I really wish we could spend time together at things like the Great American Yard Sale
You could be my wing man Mr. B
Anyways, I got you
Who wants to play with plushies with you
Betsy does improv class night two
It will make me a better listener, Kris
It has brought insight into your life
I have learned what it is like to be a man
Someone will redirect you in the moment and you can move on
I just think you've got a brain like golden retriever
I don't have to be a tree at home
We should have a family game night with improv games
Oh, wait I have an idea . . . how about family HTML programming night right before dessert
The new dude walks in to class and he is a programmer
I thought you were a coder
I can smell it on your breath
What does it smell like?
Your mother's basement
It was super fun
I had a near death experience Mr. B
How does that happen when all you do is go and get coffee and hit up Goodwill
I put down the mocha latta
I'm parked next to a big shiny Lexus
Maggie freaks and I open my car door into the car
Then I see that the car is occupied
Fuck you and your fucking small car
The woman gets out of her car very slowly
I don't know what you are supposed to do in that situation
It's a Volvo, it's bullet proof, don't touch me
It gets worse
I did what any self respecting mommy would do
I lick my shirt and rub the mark off her car
She makes eye contact and says, "Stop licking my car"
My ass was grass
Get your lips off my Lexus
I had successfully removed the scratch with my magic eraser finger
I hit your car but I successfully slimed off the mark
The dust of Elk Mountain
I would get arrested for that
I know what I am going to do
I ran
I ran away from her
I picked up Maggie and ran
If she hits my car, well, it is insured
I wasn't going to wait until she popped out my eye teeth
Betsy will minimize anyone else's shit
Just because you don't care about your car doesn't mean other people don't
The Dust of Montrose
Was my greatest vacation ever
Your not helping me out Mr. B
The Great American Yard Sale has moved to a mall parking lot
Westfield shopping center won't know what hit
Welcome to camp Junk Ass
One legged box races
There are some one legged people that can gallop
I need you to help me out
I'll get there at four in the morning and it will give me a 10 minute head start
They stole my Jaguar off my hood
What it the whole point of owning the Jaguar is the stupid little shiny thing
Yeah, now it is next to some kids tee ball trophy
Dealership says none in stock
Ornament $211, labor $78 and with tax it will be about $330
Didn't you have any markings on it?
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Black Lexus Great American Yard Sale improv class Dust of Montrose Jaguar hood ornament

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:33:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-15.mp3
Show: #397
Length: 29:34
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

photo on left by dave winer and photo on right by josh hallet thanks to both!

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The nerd things that drive me crazy
Betsy is going to find me a online geek mistress
That would be sweet
You go ahead and marry that girl Mr. B
After days of this haven't you had enough?
Apologies for no show on Monday
I blew it on Sunday and had to take the red eye
No one wants to hear your drama
If it were done on graph paper it would have all been good
I didn't hear any of this "life would be better on paper" at Gnomedex
Here's what made it so cool
I had my nerds on one hand and my baby on the other
It was our 11th wedding anniversary
Yeah, and you take me to a nerd convention
Your nerd buddies are cooler and much more high functioning than I thought
Apologies to me for the ewok comment
A dude was dressed as a pirate
It was just one guy
The 12 sided dice and hoods were missing
The 11th wedding anniversary is as special as turning 36
Up to 10 you are swimming upstream . . . after that . . . floating in a tube
Seattle is a great place
You didn't plan our dinner Mr. B
Yes I did . . . reservations are a plan!
That is a large step
The restaurant turned out to be really nice
There was an attentive gay waiter
Can you hire one of those for me here at home
The beautiful view
Then a 3 story tall lighted Cadillac Escalade barge floated by
Nice view
The other awesome part was that you got to meet some listeners
Mark is an awesome guy
I know I told you that
Yeah, but you are usually wrong
At the party I saw the nerds trying to sink into their ringer tees
You have blossomed like a $10 orchid
Having social skills, Mr. B you have grown
Betsy got to see me in my element
I still don't get your people
Let's take Kosso for instance?
You can't pick Kosso he is normal
What about the guy dressed as a pirate Mr B?
The dudes that split a suit
The pic on right above is from the Thursday night out
Strange woman talking to us, looks at floor and walks away
The nerd wife put one shiny shoe right in front of him
My Nerd!
This nerd off limits
She busts out, "Well, I dress him!"
Not in a ha ha way
I don't understand your "Party Only" badge
She scared me
Those chicks look alright . . . "The Women of WarCraft"
God Damn
I'm not in to that type of stuff
These chicks were hot on a nerd level scale
We're going to score some mad nerd ass tonight
My people were talking to you because you were a personable lady
You've got nerd engagement skills
You've got to pretend your eyes are lasers
Yep, right here buddy
Asking a nerd what they do is not the right thing to ask
It is always difficult to explain
You asked me what the hell do you do?
Then tell them my title . . . right, what does that mean
The guy on the way home asked me, what do you do?
What was your reply Betsy?
I do nothing. I buy and sell shit.
So your husband is a nerd? Are you a nerd?
No
Do you podcast?
Yes
How many times a week?
3
You're not a nerd?
Do you sell your stuff online?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
Do you watch Heroes?
Yes
Watch John From Cincinnati?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
When buying swag for nerd events don't buy them white shirts
The other great part for me was first alcoholic beverage in 10 years
I had to announce it because you called me the teetotaling nerd husband
Not he hardcore found Jesus type of not drinking
That's not it Betsy
My first drink was Jagermeister with Aaron Brazell
I broke the seal and enjoyed the libations
Had an awesome time on Saturday night with Mark, Greg, Aaron, Kosso, Steve, Josh, Dave C., Mike, Chris, Michael and Dave D.
Not having to be on, Betsy's specialty
Betsy does her first improv class
Pretend you are a tree
Were you there?
My theater background is you know . . .
Yeah, lying under a theater major once doesn't count
My neighbor is in this class
Leave us some comments
Great American Yard Sale is this weekend
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Gnomedex 2007 Seattle Great American Yard Sale improv class The Women of WarCraft Jagermeister

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

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Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:27:59 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-02.mp3

Show: #334
Length: 34:16
Size: 23.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 02, 2007

Nick T rating of 4

Nick T rating system:
Scale: 1 = Safe for everyone
Scale: 2 = Some parental guidance
Scale: 3 = Maybe this is for 12+
Scale: 4 = Not legal? Probably not for you - Adult themes (like HBO series)
Scale: 5 = Only safe for Betsy's dad

The jokey who left the 300th comment on the Wii Friend Code post
1 (900) Wii-Code
Getting them on the line to chat about their code
Anybody here? Anybody here? Anybody here?
I'm here . . . Now refresh
Betsy shook me down for old equipment to sell on eBay
She sold my brown Zune to some sorry soul
Yeah, I thought it sucked
Next to the Netgear SPH101 Skype phone it was the worst
iTunes is so far ahead of where Microsoft wants to be
The store is a science . . . MS doesn't have a chance starting so far behind
Urge? Yeah, urge to puke . . . urge to bodily
She also sold my DBX compressor/limiter/gate thing
Sold to the Columbus Arts Council
Betsy, "I have a new business idea."
Rows of monitors like head stones staring at you
Maybe they need parts
If I can sell it, it doesn't matter if it was free to me
"Free to Me" to be Betsy's autobiography title
Haven't you said about 100 times that you are going to do that
Land of Nod trip for the purse business
Is this a purse business anymore?
It's back to any hustle that you can get?
Yes, you're right Bears
Manipulating the Land of Nod staff with crying babies
The best day is to go the first day of the month for mark downs
Why it is no longer a purse business
What people expect in our basement . . . it is underwhelming
The Wii article ran in Reuters and then got picked up in many places
Betsy reads the article
"If you have ever picked you nose or punched someone . . . "
I am so embarrassed
What a 32 year old tool
Bernadette says, "Have you thought of horses?"
We know how that would go
Needle in the balls and bullet in the head
Betsy says they still cap them
Dramatic ending needed for champions
Maybe back in 1930 they shot them
FFA, the sheep and the shotgun . . . tell it Betsy
The big dollar sheep showing check
You were chasing the wrong poontang in high school, Kris
Those beefy farm chicks had mad cash

Tags: brown Zune FFA sheep Netgear SPH101 Columbus Arts Council Free to Me

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 07:44:42 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-01.mp3

Show: #321
Length: 34:26
Size: 23.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 01, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Bernadette Bean.

Betsy yodels for Bernadette
Our 400th year of Croncast
I'm surprised this isn't an anniversary for you
the 4 millionth minute of Croncast
Any resolutions Beeboo?
I want everyone to be nicer to me . . . that's a wish
Shopping for clothes on December 31 is a great way to start
It'd be nice to wear a smaller size
Shaper things that are for post pregnancy
Is it stomach? Is it thighs? I don't know
Getting the pudding back through the funnel
It is the new age corset . . . Flexees
Nope my wings were still popping up over the top
Asking the sales lady for help
She was old and saggy, she was probably wearing Flexees she had to know her shit
I didn't throw a penny on the floor and ask her to pick it up
The first thing you do is get a full body suit
That is absolutely crazy
If you want extra control
You could sell be at Bobak's if I wore that
It's like an unnatural sausage casing
So goes Betsy so goes the family
Going to be looking for new pants
Kris used to be a size 34 two years ago
Jumped from the train and landed in the pudding
I won't wear a man Flexee
All I got were chubbies by the little Andre Agassi pant ends
That is absolutely horrible
It is rock bottom for the chubster
2006 was the year of excess for us
We did everything to limit this year and we did it with food too
Kris's lunches this year . . . way expensive
Gotta spend the business money
Then buy yourself something that is gonna last
I had to eat, I had to, to keep the tax man away
Kris will ratchet down his lifestyle
We're gonna eat chicken and vegetables everyday
I picked up a veal roast . . . walked around with it . . . thought about the baby in a box . . .and put it back
Can't get into lamb either
I've worked with those little sheep, they are not that cute
You just went cross-eyed what are you looking at?
The beasties that bust loose from your drop ceiling
Gerald Ford conspiracy is afoot
Not to diminish the passing of an individual
James Brown was buried is sparkley shoes . . . Amen
Let's make it a 4 day weekend
The carrots that I am given
Kris is a nocturnal rodent that is kept awake during the day and has to sleep at night
The troll Kris would be if he were single

Tags: Flexees full body Flexees Bernadette Bean Andre Agassi veal roast

Podcast Fanatic Review of Croncast

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 10:47:33 -0500

Thanks to Bernadette for her review of the show at Podcast Fanatic.

If you are looking to find some new podcasts to put into the rotation Bernadette gives her two cents on some others too.

Tags: Bernadette Podcast Fantic Croncast reviews

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 05, 2006

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 06:49:04 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-05.mp3

Show: #245
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 05, 2006

Hopefully you still have all your fingers . . . US listeners
Smuggling trips to Missourri for fireworks back in the day
Betsy thought it was breaking the law . . . it was
Fireworks at the golf course and the river to put yourself out in
Betsy points out that I make fun of her too often for garbage picking
Betsy takes us back to 7 years of age and her junk addiction
Hitting golf balls into the river, looked like cobble stone
"I'm going to go in an get those and sell them back to the golfers"
Doing recon at the pro shop to set a price for her used
People who buy them from her yard
Betsy says Kris needs to step up for corporate jobs and golf . . . what?
Those are the men who would set the price for grain in my area
Don't come home and tell me that you ever said no
Kris has been a grumpy bastard
A little more anniversary talk
Turns out Betsy doesn't really want moldy rose
Maggie will need waxing in first grade
Hair wraps with Betsy
Born to own her own salvage yard
Kris and his pee pee get burned
Kris wears the pinapple pants all day
Nice loose pants
A review by BSquared (also known as Bernadette form Adelaide, Australia) at Podcast Alley
The JEDOA Story from Tom at Scribbles From LA
Leave us some comments on the About page

Tags: fireworks used golf balls pineapple pants reviews stories

Reviewed by a listener at Podcast Alley

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 09:34:36 -0500

I was cruising the usual spots today and found this review by BSquared (also known as Bernadette form Adelaide, Australia) at Podcast Alley. Betsy and I wanted to say, "Thank you", for taking the time to write such a flattering, in-depth review!

We would have been happy with just a few of lines like this one:

"If there's anyone left on this fractured planet in a couple of hundred years they would learn much of what they need to know about the 2000s from listening to the entire catalogue of Croncast."

I feel all mushy inside. And there's more where that came from.

It is really interesting for us to gain insight into what it is that draws people in to the show. Being able to read this review has added quite a bit to our understanding of that. And, of course, added more questions. We ask ourselves the same questions that most people ask themselves . . . so why do people listen? Why do you listen? Maybe not just to us but podcasts in general.

Feel free to resond to Bernadette's review at Podast Alley or drop us a comment below this post.

Tags: review bsquared podcast alley Bernadette croncast Australia