Canadian | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Large Ear Holes, My Norse Blood, Pantera Roadie

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:30:29 -0500

Episode: #621
Length: 33:24
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

So, yes, no uhaul
My Norse is strong this time of year
Mead-a-holic genes back in the day
Canadian hatred
Not really
You are from 3 inbred Germans in a trailer
The time isn't right to talk about it
Don't want the Bear to cry
Universal attraction
Sport coat and jean days, I've had them
Of course I couldn't do nipple rings
My jiggly moobs couldn't work
Green jello is jealous of the way my moobs shake
Bleeding edge of the piercing movement
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: ear holes pantera roadie norse blood ringer t universal attraction

Season 21 Ep 24: The Mexico Part 3

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:52:03 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-30.mp3
Show: #524
Length: 41:24
Size: 38 mb
Format: mp3

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When, when, when, when
This was supposed to go out Friday
Maggie has been insanely sick
What happens when you read all of these Oprah books?
It should come with a six pack of Xanax
Difficult times?
Write a book
You need to change your name to Kristina
Sending email as Kris Smith
People would respond to me as a woman<
br> So I had to make it Kristopher Smith Wait, Mr B
I have to give a shout out to Carrie, thanks for coming to my show
The Mexico Part 3 begins now
Betsy, you are at the buffet, go . . .
If I had known that they served guacamole breakfast, lunch and dinner
Standing at the buffet
A woman sidles up next to me
"What part of Canada are you from?"
I speak like that because I lived in Milwaukee for a few years
Where's that?
Wisconsin
Is that a big city?
All the push ups that you do
They could throw a rock at it
She was wearing the crocs
Then I scanned the room and it was covered in crocs
That is he face of colonialism
Later . . .
I'm the only American
What is the most expensive shit you got behind this bar?
Grand Marnier on the rocks the entire trip
Do you want to know how to cook the guacamole?
He was like a bull fighter
Super hot
Fellas watch out for this
They will whisk you wife away
The Italian says, "You mean this prison"
You must leave this compound
They will take you to the jungle
They get electricity for 2 hours a day
It is wonderful
Deciding to go deep see fishing
How did you get over the shark fear?
We were stuck at the front gate
How many signs do you need?
It was like a road block
We were there on a gift certificate
I'm thinking that this will be so nice
The authentic Mexican experience awaits
We get to the place
Sure, it would have have been authentic
But didn't the charter company name tell you all you needed to know?
Captain Rick's
It should have
Yeah, if it were Captain Ricardo's
On the boat with a Canada
They start swearing at us in Spanish
Turns out I am the only one that knows it
I kept my mouth shut
Betsy catches Dory (see photo in post)
"Chocha Grande"
How is the fish doing?
Mas muerto
They pull it back into the boat
Cut up Dory and turned her into chum
We had Captain Bicho
More protected species were caught
Chopped and chum
Chocha account is over 11 at this point
I'm the bloke, right
Don't be a chocha Mr B

Tags: Crocs Canadian Tourists The Mexico GrandMarnier

here's a canadian that can podcast

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:03:58 -0500

had a great lunch with this dave delaney guy in nashville. thanks for making time for us to sample some of nashville's best at bosco's.

Tags: nashville making sample best bosco

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:56:51 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-07.mp3
Show: #430
Length: 31:18
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

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Kris nerds out about comment spam
Not all the comments are on
I gotta shut those people down with their Ultra Canadian Pharmacy
What is wrong with you?
No one wants to hear that
It's just creative advertising, Kris
This is getting super interesting
You've dropped a lot of your nerdisms
You aren't weird around girls anymore
Just because people are turned in your general direction
Well, it doesn't mean that they are listening
Betsy breaks down her improv auditions
Betsy is freaking out
I told you how this would go
Did you bring your headshot and resume?
Right, my resume that says CEO of internet startup TheSmithMall on eBay
See, you didn't think that this was real work
No shit, it is competitive
It was valuable
I crossed it off with a china marking pen
It was pretty much like the Wheel of Fortune Chicago auditions
My sister told me not to wear my generic broken Crocs
I looked down and that's what I was wearing with no socks
That is prepared Betsy style
At that moment I didn't feel that together
A guy show up in a Simpsons t-shirt and a trench coat
I see that guy and hit the floor
Nobody move, nobody get hurt
Another chick came in frazzled with watered down eyeliner
A totally Deep Fried Blonde (DFB)
That's their problem not mine
What age range can you play?
I just put 32
You're supposed to put what ages
Every time I fill out an app - White Hen, Hardees, Ben Franklin
I could have used you as a wing man
I have talked about Mike from Second City
You just prefaced it with that
Teaching there, holy shit
The fourteen stages of improv
It's all part of the shtick
Then they go through what we are going to do
I just want to go home and watch Desperate Housewives on dvr
What was your first car?
Chevy
What kind?
Silver
And they all started laughing
I wasn't trying to be funny
Now I gotta do these setups with strangers
It went well
You are in improv boot camp at The Comedy Shrine
Naperville is holding it down
I know Mr B . . . people across the country they have working toasters
The person in the chair is the mall information booth
I am always thinking of disposable goods
Where do they sell RID at the mall?
Betsy gets cut off
The person in front of me is the Deep Fried Blonde
Her teacher didn't come from Second City
She starts a god damn conversation with me
She wants to shine
All she was supposed to say was aisle three
I started behind the door
They said don't do that
"DFB," one word would be fine
Betsy, do someone foreign
You have to get creative
Foreign to Naperville is what I brought
I was way better on the way home
You are obsessing about this
I helped build you up
You are the most competitive person that I know
Betsy, you just have to stick with it
That is the key for you
I would think after 11 years of marriage you would know when to shut up
I am just wondering why to do this
The audition freaked me out
I knew I would be with professionals
While you are doing your audition I took the man to his doctors appointment
The nurse was treating him like he's managing his health care
Sure, like he set it up
He's lost weight and not grown
We've taught him some better eating habits
Here's a fruit party platter
She's leaving and asks him if their is anything else
He's talking non-stop
This is a lot less
"Elliot is there anything else you want to share," goes the nurse
"There is something else," Elliot
He looks right at me and says, "My mom says things to my dad that makes him really angry"
"She says really mean stuff," Elliot
Buddy, it might be a good idea to refrain
On the show, but he doesn't listen
Picking up probably on the hairy situation here in the house
Sure we all have stress and tension
Your mom and I are best friends
One of those moments
Then the kid asks, "Why am I in a foster home?"
Tomorrow, is the 3 YEAR CRONCAST ANNIVERSARY

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Tags: Second City The Comedy Shrine Deep Fried Blonde Hardees Croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2006

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 06:52:49 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-07.mp3

Show: #297
Length: 29:20
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 07, 2006

Betsy cranking on sugar
She's been eating Elliot's Halloween candy
Way too much of it
She's after a glass of wine to bring her down
Booba tried to do the Weight Watchers tonight . . .
After watching Oprah Betsy says it is time to lose weight
I like to eat and exercise little
Big November for us
Two years of Croncast coming tomorrow
300 Croncasts coming on Friday
Sunday November 12 . . . Kris' 32 birthday
Betsy is going to her first non-virtual auction
Where is the sale?
Someone standing on a chicken coop yelling who'll give me a dollar?
Streets are lined with resale gold for Betsy
Betsy says sign me up
The Finding Nemo lot of gently used plush toys . . . to be shipped to Connecticut
Betsy should be selling it from a chick coop in our front yard
The iPods for the 300th new listener, handle and iPod Shuffle have arrived for shipping to Canada
Betsy breaks down the Canadian postal system
Address labels must be written in all caps
Betsy rages on Italian eBay buyers
Kris tells the dog bite story . . . one of the better stories that Kris tells
It starts with the bad ass kids
Any kid that drink half a bottle of Drano and live is a bad mother fucker
Betsy says that I can tell a story now
I get bit and it goes on from there, you really have to listen to understand

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Finding Nemo used plush Weight Watchers drink Drano Canadian postal system iPod Shuffle ship

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 26, 2006

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 09:43:32 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-26.mp3

Show: #241
Length: 37:38
Size: 25.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 26, 2006

For the first time it's a mic check
An impromtu crawdad song
Do you know how to catch a crawdad, Kris? Of course I do.
Smote Canadian Geese swimming towards the light
The geese infestation in the Midwest
They think they run joint
Walking across the road
I've had enough of them
Even the peacocks look plain when you see them everyday
The cookout and the explaining of why Kris doesn't attend church
A dark secret comes out
Betsy's Star Trek Next Generation past
I don't hate the church, but the guy dressed as a Jedi did it
Kris may be a Republican from the knee cap down
The point is, that it is weird and made my husband uncormfortable
I about to offend Treckers
My job is to be judgemental
Treckers of any scale freak me out
I always say, "No I don't know."
It's been 13 years and Kris had no clue
It makes me feel ookie inside
This is grounds for divorce
This comes from her dad
Betsy won't let Kris read the contest stories
His La Moille public school education shines
Disclaimer: This story is fiction
Tom. D's open letter
Betsy reads John Eric O.'s contest entry
Betsy reads most of Lachie's entry
Slowsky we miss you!
On the pre-vacation shows, Kris predicted it
Betsy says, "Kris. You were right."
Go back and rewind it if you ever want to hear it again
Some really loud thunder
Betsy has some creepy deja vu . . . so bad we stop recording
We pick up in this morning
There was just something in the air last night

Tags: canadian geese star trek treckers La Moille deja vu

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 93

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 05:17:36 -0500

Croncast - 2005-06-24.mp3

Show: #134
Length: 29:30
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 13.5 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 93

Today in Croncast we reflect on Aurora's boil order of 2004 that was the result of Canadian Geese infestation. Yes, we were all unknowingly guzzling goose poop.

Kris and I argue Chicken Vagina vs Egg Chute. I am verbally assaulted at Goodwill. Kris is taking an interest in the lawn and I want to run away.

Tags: croncast kris betsy husband ep

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 31

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 12:30:30 -0600

Croncast - 2005-02-04.mp3

Show: #67
Length: 37:57
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 17.3 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 31

Betsy and I go through the paces on today's show . . . from more of what not to say to a pregnant lady, removing tics and leeches, the crazy eyed nurse from the first time around and a shout out to the pregnant Canadian.

Tags: croncast betsy pregnant ep husband

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 17

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 12:51:01 -0600

Croncast - 2004-12-31.mp3

Show: #43
Length: 37:38
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 17.2 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 17

Today show is co-hosted with Betsy.

WE NAMED THE BABY!

Well, the baby named herself. You're going to have to listen to find out what it is.

Have a happy new year and have a great weekend.

Today's Show

Intro
Happy New Year
Hope 2005 doesn't suck!
Space alien listeners
That's Betsy
Check us out at www.croncast.com
Betsy asks, "What is an RSS feed?"
I open the program
Stroller collection websites
Barbie jeep for stroller?
Captain America
Muffin can out run the Lincoln
WE NAMED THE BABY!
The name isn't Pearl
More email to Ms. Kris Smith
Betsy wouldn't have conceded
The man wants to be a window washer
More parenting issues involving Kris
Betsy tells the man he can't vote republican
Colin and Jeb
It's all about the bureaucracy
Germans and Canadians in Cuba
Betsy isn't going to send her sister
Reading Bushwacked
Goodwill rules of conduct
The Goodwill podumentary
Play date business cards
Thanks to all guests and other shout outs
Today is show 41
Happy New Year!

Tags: betsy kris croncast baby year