Croncast Cronies | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:51:07 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-20.mp3
Show: #399
Length: 27:34
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

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Short on the show notes for today. Sorry, but I got to get to what pays the bills.

The Great American Yard Sale
Sonny and Cher
Rosanne
Letting the ResaleQueen price items at the sale
Flea bites
Don't put that in the show notes.

The 400th Croncast coming on Wednesday, hoorah!

Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Great American Yard Sale Sonny and Cher Rosanne Vickie Walzer packing your Volvo

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:45:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-17.mp3
Show: #398
Length: 29:56
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

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I'm losing my voice again
Thanks to your children
Serves you right!
Mr. "In a minute"
Hitting refresh is not a job
Doing who is queries all day
The fact that you know what a who is query is . . . time for love love
The pitter patter of Gigi upstairs
Don't spray that in your eye
Maggie locked me in the basement
Every woman in this house locks me in the basement
Once she realizes I am on one side and she is on the other she freaks out
Daddy, daddy dadddy
I begin to stress because I hear the crying
It activates that parental thing in me
There is one way out other than crawling out
A big man in a small window
Yeah, it is like fat women and little dogs
I begin yelling for the other one to come and unlock the door
The dogs start barking
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I start yelling up the vents hoping Elliot would hear me
Why didn't you just stick one man titty at a time out the window and ease out
You need to get out of the house Mr. B
I really wish we could spend time together at things like the Great American Yard Sale
You could be my wing man Mr. B
Anyways, I got you
Who wants to play with plushies with you
Betsy does improv class night two
It will make me a better listener, Kris
It has brought insight into your life
I have learned what it is like to be a man
Someone will redirect you in the moment and you can move on
I just think you've got a brain like golden retriever
I don't have to be a tree at home
We should have a family game night with improv games
Oh, wait I have an idea . . . how about family HTML programming night right before dessert
The new dude walks in to class and he is a programmer
I thought you were a coder
I can smell it on your breath
What does it smell like?
Your mother's basement
It was super fun
I had a near death experience Mr. B
How does that happen when all you do is go and get coffee and hit up Goodwill
I put down the mocha latta
I'm parked next to a big shiny Lexus
Maggie freaks and I open my car door into the car
Then I see that the car is occupied
Fuck you and your fucking small car
The woman gets out of her car very slowly
I don't know what you are supposed to do in that situation
It's a Volvo, it's bullet proof, don't touch me
It gets worse
I did what any self respecting mommy would do
I lick my shirt and rub the mark off her car
She makes eye contact and says, "Stop licking my car"
My ass was grass
Get your lips off my Lexus
I had successfully removed the scratch with my magic eraser finger
I hit your car but I successfully slimed off the mark
The dust of Elk Mountain
I would get arrested for that
I know what I am going to do
I ran
I ran away from her
I picked up Maggie and ran
If she hits my car, well, it is insured
I wasn't going to wait until she popped out my eye teeth
Betsy will minimize anyone else's shit
Just because you don't care about your car doesn't mean other people don't
The Dust of Montrose
Was my greatest vacation ever
Your not helping me out Mr. B
The Great American Yard Sale has moved to a mall parking lot
Westfield shopping center won't know what hit
Welcome to camp Junk Ass
One legged box races
There are some one legged people that can gallop
I need you to help me out
I'll get there at four in the morning and it will give me a 10 minute head start
They stole my Jaguar off my hood
What it the whole point of owning the Jaguar is the stupid little shiny thing
Yeah, now it is next to some kids tee ball trophy
Dealership says none in stock
Ornament $211, labor $78 and with tax it will be about $330
Didn't you have any markings on it?
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Black Lexus Great American Yard Sale improv class Dust of Montrose Jaguar hood ornament

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:33:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-15.mp3
Show: #397
Length: 29:34
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

photo on left by dave winer and photo on right by josh hallet thanks to both!

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The nerd things that drive me crazy
Betsy is going to find me a online geek mistress
That would be sweet
You go ahead and marry that girl Mr. B
After days of this haven't you had enough?
Apologies for no show on Monday
I blew it on Sunday and had to take the red eye
No one wants to hear your drama
If it were done on graph paper it would have all been good
I didn't hear any of this "life would be better on paper" at Gnomedex
Here's what made it so cool
I had my nerds on one hand and my baby on the other
It was our 11th wedding anniversary
Yeah, and you take me to a nerd convention
Your nerd buddies are cooler and much more high functioning than I thought
Apologies to me for the ewok comment
A dude was dressed as a pirate
It was just one guy
The 12 sided dice and hoods were missing
The 11th wedding anniversary is as special as turning 36
Up to 10 you are swimming upstream . . . after that . . . floating in a tube
Seattle is a great place
You didn't plan our dinner Mr. B
Yes I did . . . reservations are a plan!
That is a large step
The restaurant turned out to be really nice
There was an attentive gay waiter
Can you hire one of those for me here at home
The beautiful view
Then a 3 story tall lighted Cadillac Escalade barge floated by
Nice view
The other awesome part was that you got to meet some listeners
Mark is an awesome guy
I know I told you that
Yeah, but you are usually wrong
At the party I saw the nerds trying to sink into their ringer tees
You have blossomed like a $10 orchid
Having social skills, Mr. B you have grown
Betsy got to see me in my element
I still don't get your people
Let's take Kosso for instance?
You can't pick Kosso he is normal
What about the guy dressed as a pirate Mr B?
The dudes that split a suit
The pic on right above is from the Thursday night out
Strange woman talking to us, looks at floor and walks away
The nerd wife put one shiny shoe right in front of him
My Nerd!
This nerd off limits
She busts out, "Well, I dress him!"
Not in a ha ha way
I don't understand your "Party Only" badge
She scared me
Those chicks look alright . . . "The Women of WarCraft"
God Damn
I'm not in to that type of stuff
These chicks were hot on a nerd level scale
We're going to score some mad nerd ass tonight
My people were talking to you because you were a personable lady
You've got nerd engagement skills
You've got to pretend your eyes are lasers
Yep, right here buddy
Asking a nerd what they do is not the right thing to ask
It is always difficult to explain
You asked me what the hell do you do?
Then tell them my title . . . right, what does that mean
The guy on the way home asked me, what do you do?
What was your reply Betsy?
I do nothing. I buy and sell shit.
So your husband is a nerd? Are you a nerd?
No
Do you podcast?
Yes
How many times a week?
3
You're not a nerd?
Do you sell your stuff online?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
Do you watch Heroes?
Yes
Watch John From Cincinnati?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
When buying swag for nerd events don't buy them white shirts
The other great part for me was first alcoholic beverage in 10 years
I had to announce it because you called me the teetotaling nerd husband
Not he hardcore found Jesus type of not drinking
That's not it Betsy
My first drink was Jagermeister with Aaron Brazell
I broke the seal and enjoyed the libations
Had an awesome time on Saturday night with Mark, Greg, Aaron, Kosso, Steve, Josh, Dave C., Mike, Chris, Michael and Dave D.
Not having to be on, Betsy's specialty
Betsy does her first improv class
Pretend you are a tree
Were you there?
My theater background is you know . . .
Yeah, lying under a theater major once doesn't count
My neighbor is in this class
Leave us some comments
Great American Yard Sale is this weekend
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Gnomedex 2007 Seattle Great American Yard Sale improv class The Women of WarCraft Jagermeister

Best of Bits Aug 10, 2007

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 09:00:58 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-10.mp3
Show: #396
Length: 39:13
Size: 26.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 10, 2007

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More best of . . . Betsy and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary yesterday in style at Gnomedex! She hung with me and the other nerds. I love her so.

She's off back to Naperville and I start conference today. Cheers.

Best of Part 2

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Tags: Best of Croncast Kris Smith Betsy Smith Gnomedex b5 media

Best of Bits Aug 08, 2007

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:58:29 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-08.mp3
Show: #395
Length: 29:44
Size: 20.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 08, 2007

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Things got crazy around here and we weren't able to cut some more shows . . . so instead I used a bit of what I was working on to put a today's show together. While you are listening I'll be on my way to Seattle.

What's that in your yard? - 11:01
First worm farm - 10:37
Garage sale bunny smash - 3:52
1979 Monte Carlo - 3:50

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Tags: Monte Carlo worm farm pet goat bunny smash best of croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

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Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

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Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:42:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-01.mp3
Show: #392
Length: 1:05:10
Size: 44.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

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We've made it into the month of August
You've now crossed into Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club
Sure you don't want to bitch about Boulder some more?
I like Boulder, there are just some things I don't
We roll up and there is a guard tower
Was he standing there with a rifle?
No, Mr B
It is a gorgeous view
Flanked by beauty
The guard comes ambling up to the Volvo
Your names ladies?
We give them, remember this
"Do you ladies have any firearms with you?"
No firearms in this Volvo
This wagon is clear
He gives us directions
We roll on up
Elk Mountain Resort is beautiful
The valet pulls it four feet away and parks
The woman on hotels.com just kept complaining about it
She is nuts
Jeannie says the place is like Annie
Everyone stands to greet you as you walk in
Then there was Santa Claus
A dude with a white beard and red suit?
No, he had a uniform and a "I love my job smile"
He's got hot towels on a silver platter
He looks at me and says, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
He looks at Jeannie, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
Shit, the deal is sealed, we are the dykes
Welcome to first class
It took us 9 hours from Boulder
We'll make everything guided for you
What time would you ladies like dinner?
This Mrs. Smith would like to eat before 7:30
Mrs. Smith and I would like to eat in 45 minutes
Santa has an ear piece and a chest mic
He talks into it and poof the bell hop appears
We get to our room and the view is gorgeous
If you don't like it dial "0"
The bed looks like a cloud from heaven
I got Wal-Mart sheets
Jeanie, "We have robes!"
Hers and hers robes would have been nice
So we get dressed for dinner
It was intimidating, we felt like we didn't fit
Then I bust out the gift certificate
We wanted to play it cool
Sure, you want to fit in
They were nicer than your grandma who hasn't see you in three years
Every time you walk in the door the staff stands
Oh, are you ladies here for dinner?
I'll announce you, then he speaks into his lapel, "The Smiths are here for dinner."
You haven't told them yet?
No I was waiting for Jeannie
Who's the man, the big footed one with a bad perm
Are there any other guests at the resort?
Two other men not talking
There were 10 total guests at the resort
We order our dinner and they ask for drinks
My mom always orders the house wine, the cheap stuff
I'll have a Mountain Dew won't go over well
Jeannie hates red wine but follows Betsy's lead
Hi, I'm Chef Jeff, which house wine is best for you?
They start bringing out bread baskets and baked stuff
Chef Jeff is like, "Fuck dude! I worked on that all day and you can't say it."
I look at Jeannie, I can tell she doesn't like it
Been there and done that
Jeannie is woofing it down
I have to eat at least half of it
The two men eating alone are now joined by someone I recognize
The owner that I had seen on The Daily Show
Kris if you kick it up a notch we can do this every weekend
He comes over to the table
Asks what activities we are going to do
ATV's and shooting
We are the only resort in the entire world to have access for ATV's
Jeannie, "I love the outdoors but I can't go up high"
Our ATV's are automatic
They've thought of everything
Yes, everything
On the ride you will come to a place called Top of the World
So high that airplanes will fly below
Then he launches in to the special lights
These are based on the biologic make up of a lobster's eye
They are used to melt the snow to make an ice tunnel
Mr. Foreman continues to talk about the press they have gotten
A book on the NYT Best Sellers list is based at Elk Mountain Resort
He had me sold . . . I wanted to kiss a bear and drive to the top of the world
Why would you think that you couldn't do something?
Tom Foreman makes you believe that you can do anything
Enter the rest of the guests
Three sets of couples that look like my neighbors
Fit soccer moms?
Yes, Kris
I just drove 4 states over to get away from them
Now they are going to spoil my mountain view
Mr. Foreman goes over to the new couples
The super sweet firebox
Then our food comes
Every time there was another opportunity to be put in our place
We were still really awkward
Betsy has a bowl of puss and I get a bowl of noodles
It was couscous Jeannie
Jeannie starts to panic, all I get are these noodles
Campbell's has everything including broth
Then they bring the broth
After that they bring out dinner
The whole thing was terrific
Except that we were both completely terrified
To get over the petrification of being treated so well and Elk Mountain Resort stay more nights
Kris you are the king of upgrade
So after dinner Santa jumps up
We get our bill after dinner
Betsy goes white
Shut up Jeannie, I'll tell you later
The one thing you can't return is food
What I was freaking out about was that our house wine turned out to be $18 a glass
From their perspective, the lesbians aren't satisfied
Chef Jeff asks if dinner was to their liking
Then Thomas comes over and asks
After that the waitress comes up
Sure, they are trained like the CIA to read unhappiness
What would you ladies like to do?
We would like a jacuzzi?
Our eyes meet and we realize . . . they aren't out to get us . . . they are out to spoil us
Drinking our sangria in the hot tub
The cheap wine was awesome
Betsy took 100 pics of the tops of trees
At the Boulder art fair there was a dude with aspen photos
So we retire to the room and Jeannie puts on a robe
Sliding into the bed of heaven
Mrs. Smith, this is going to be the greatest night of my life
The greatest part of this is that I have no kids to wake me up
Betsy wakes up at 6:01 for coffee and viewing birds that were probably released for my pleasure
Do you know how much this is costing per minute? Get up Jeannie
We decide to take a hike
We start to walk by workers that gardening
When they see you they stop, stand, smile and ask you if you need anything
Landscapers saw us, they froze like deer
When we went by them they commenced working again
Tom has thought of everything
When a crossed eyed man in golf cart tells you "good luck" heed his warning
People are freezing along the trail "I'm a tree. I'm a tree. I'm a tree"
Maybe the trail was made for someone who came one time
Betsy, they did not release cows into the national forest for you to view
Queue the cattle
Someone left it on the comment card no doubt
Gotta watch out for the feral cows
Jeannie was petrified of them
Now you know why he told you good luck
That guy used to not be cross eyed till a cow incident
We can hear them shrieking and yelling
There they are . . . the soccer moms on the zip line
Whew, my Nike sports bra is twisted
We are on our way back
Jeannie freezes as we stand on Have you told anyone that you are not Mrs. Smith?
I see two brown ears rising out of this draining ditch
Out jumps a giant mule deer
Betsy chases it to take it's photo
The lesbians are crazy!
What are the lesbians doing now?
Time for lunch on the patio
We need some cigarettes and an ashtray
"Can I have an ashtray?"
She speaks into her cleavage mic
Around the corner, "I'm on it"
I know it is fun to play spies but this is weird
It was awesome though, instant ashtray
Lesbians are on porch, queue deer
Queue the geese
Then the soccer moms come bouncing back fit and tan
"Where are you guys from?"
Bloomington. "We are going to drive through there."
Their husbands, reserved and uptight
Screw it, this is all about me
I am going to make the soccer moms laugh
She swore that she was thirsty and all the sudden water showed up
"Guess how many kids we have?"
I don't know this is a game?
We have 10 combined?
How many are girls?
One
Then they struck a bad ass soccer mom pose
They brought things like running shoes
Betsy brought Crocs and sandals
Perfect lesbian gear
The soccer moms told us that the ATV's were awesome
We get ready to go and Misha shows up
I have done this ride 500 times and not lost 1 person yet
She takes out these top gun flight suits
I brought you the biggest ones we have
Betsy, "Of course mine won't zip up"
Jeannie, "neither will mine"
Jeannie you rock!
This could be customer service boot camp
Their motto must be "we are not going to tell you no"
They actually import vans from Europe to fit through their gates
Probably because it is more aesthetically pleasing
This is my new motto, "It is all about me"
Betsy gives me the thumbs up and then hits a tree
So we're going up the mountain
Jeannie is flying behind Misha
Betsy is stuck
I look down and my left hand has the brake so tight that I won't move
When you got on the quad the Unitarian in you took over
It was trying to save you
Oh, I'm sorry when was the last time you drove an ATV up a mountain
Betsy is trying to avoid the sticks
"Mam, that is an all terrain vehicle. Run over the sticks."
Hitting trees really hurts
Right before we get to The Top of the World
I look up and it is all Aspens and cattle
Jeannie starts to freak
Get me past that cow so fast
I am getting away from that cow so fast
Kris, we got to the top of mountain
You can see Utah, three mountain ranges at 9000 ft
We both had brown mustaches
It added to the lesbianism
Every time Betsy talks to the staff it is about her husbands and kids
Talk into your chest, the lesbians are not lesbians
These people are awesome
Misha ran a camp for bad ass kids
Like outward bound? Way scarier
Working at Elk Mountain Resort is top of the food chain
You have got to put in your time
John of course is an ex-Navy Seal
He is bad ass
You feel amazingly comfortable and slightly scared
I love men like that. Don't you Jeannie
Sure, he was handsome too
OK, time for this podcast to end
We ended on the ATV's and it was time to drink
Don't hand the truck driver the bottle
Four or five inches of vodka
Kris, we almost drank an entire bottle of vodka
Jeannie is naked in a robe and slippers
We are ripped
You are so awesome . . . No, you are so awesome
I look at clock and it is 9:00 p.m. and we haven't eaten
We dial "0" and they tell us that the dining room is still open for us
We arrive and there are flames to the ceiling
Chef Jeff is making bananas foster
The soccer moms start to speak to us
Betsy with her vodka mouth
"Are we going to be on your webcast?", soccer moms
Jeannie loves it when I get out of control
"We should introduce ourselves"
No that is OK, I already have a name for you, "The bad ass soccer moms"
It could go either way
Then the leader dies laughing
Right, there has to be an Alpha mom in the group
Yes, the one with the longest Escalade, the EXT
So Chef Jeff comes over
Betsy, "A-1 Jeff we're trashed. Can I call you Chef Jeff from now on"
That's not chatting it up that is drunk babble
Chef Jeff really made it
We don't go to gourmet restaurants and have the chef talk to us for 40 minutes
It was entirely phenomenal
Kris, I know we have talked about how I challenged the Russian to a vodka drinking contest
Can I take it back when you order the most expensive item on the menu?
And I was on the urge of vomiting
Kobe beef times 2 with bananas foster
Betsy looks at me like you better eat that bitch
Chef Jeff is buying us drinks
And I have to deny him because now I can't see him
I don't know where I am at
We stumble back to our room
There is that point, where you realize that I am done my man
Jeannie deals with Betsy, I am sick
I will lay in the bed of heaven
Betsy has the her cigarettes and the camera around her neck
You ticked me off
You don't like me anymore?
I'll like you tomorrow
You just ripped my underwear and are out of control
I proceed to go to the most beautiful bathroom in the states
And I don't even have to use my muscles
I have an exorcism of the most expensive meal I have ever ate
More babbling from Betsy
Typical Betsy move, "I made myself throw up"
This is the best planned bathroom of all time
6 feet from toilet to wall on a slate floor
Betsy made a bed right there with a Turkish robe
And I fell asleep on that cold stone slate floor and it felt so good
As I was falling asleep I thought to myself . . .
I love John, Misha, Chef Jeff and I love Tom the most
Why? Because he was smart enough to put a twin bed in the water closet
I don't know what we were thinking by drinking so much
I have nicotine and alcohol poisoning . . . I need to dial "0"
We have to do another show for Valhalla
It was the most emotional day of Jeannie's life
Sorry about your underwear dude
I'll get you a Target gift certificate
These were Victoria Secret
Do you know how much stuff I will have to find and sell from Goodwill?
Final installment of Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla comes your way tomorrow!

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Tags: kobe beef bananas foster Elk Mountain Resort Valhalla Shooting Club Chef Jeff bad ass soccer moms

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 30, 2007

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 22:59:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-30.mp3
Show: #391
Length: 39:17
Size: 26.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 30, 2007

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We'll be on the road today headed home to Naperville, so this show gets short notes:

We rejoin Betsy, Jeanie and the kids on the descent from the mountain
Kris arrives in Boulder
Jeanie invents a game called "Slap a Subaru" (you'll have to listen for directions) for playing in Boulder
Betsy and Jeanie drop the kids with Kris and leave town for Elk Mountain Resort
They get lost and eat lunch in Breckenridge
After a four more hours of driving they arrive at Montrose, CO near the resort
The ladies make it to Elk Mountain Resort

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Tags: Montrose CO Elk Mountain Resort Breckenridge lunch The Price is Right Slap a Subaru

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:59:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-27.mp3
Show: #390
Length: 32:29
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

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It's been a while since we've done a show
The worst part is I can't tell anyone the story
It will ruin the show
We have to tell everyone we'll tell you later
I did see some of the photos baby
Jeanie and I laughed
Don't start there Bears
This is not the typical Croncast, Kris and Betsy story
Sure I have been supplanted by Jeanie
Mr B would have done this anyway
Do you want to tell your story?
Can I give you some hints to telling a story
We are going to start our story from the very beginning
Jeanie rolls up to my house
We have to go to my sister's kids party
My mom and my dad in the same building, stress
The last time was like 10 years since they were in same room
I had nightmares about how bad this trip was going to be
Epiphany was to dope them out with DVD's
Misgivings? Why? Last year was not enough?
So I strap in the DVD player and monitors
We surprise the kids with it
Strap in the kids and pull away
The power adapter pops in, out, in, out
Elliot,"It's on, It's off. It's on. It's off."
With a former truck driver by your side I shouldn't have been worried
Jeanie took a class in map reading
"Betsy, where is the map?"
"I don't have one."
Simply a print out from mapquest
With the kids I figured it out
Take the group home approach, catch them being good
What does Maggie get?
Green dry erase markers
45 minutes later Jeanie says you've got look at Maggie
The scariest site ever
Maggie colored herself green and put chocolate in her hair
She was laughing maniacally
"I funny. I funny."
So we pull over at a truck stop
I walk in with Gigi
Everyone stops, turns and stares at us
She had lifted her dress and colored all the way to her diaper
That woman is totally talking to Betsy
Dry erase markers come off very easy
Where are you at this point?
Western Illinois
Jeanie wanted to hit the world's largest truck stop
Betsy, "Didn't you listen to last year's vacation show?"
Another thing that we learned last year was to get a hotel room
Jeanie was rolling up in the driveway when you booked it
You didn't remember it
Kris, shut up, this is my show
No map Betsy doesn't know where she is
Elliot and Maggie hit the hotel and want to sleep with mama
Elliot has had it and is ready to sleep in the car
Little Kris was in the backseat complaining
Now he reads numbers he made sure to point out we were speeding
I don't recommend the Super 8 in Lincoln, Nebraska
Isn't there something in Lincoln like a university
Jeanie brings the good trip karma with her
The scary omens of the open road
I had apologized to Jeanie
You have got to heed the signs
Every mile marker was a Slowsky moment
I was amazed that we rolled into Denver/Boulder area
The kids have started to melt down
Hey, you've won another Pokeman card
Jeanie, can I have another car
Honey, Mommy is going 90 mph you need to sit still
They waited until we were in traffic to act up
Every parent knows that you kids don't need anything from you until you are merging onto the interstate
We were behind a Prius
It had a blue hair in it, double whammy
Did the exhaust smell like broccoli or cooked carrots?
When you ride with Betsy you are junk coordinator
Fast food dumped in your lap and Betsy sipping on her diet coke
Give me that grilled chicken bitch
I know you, Booba
Speeder! I won't get in to it
Kris has speeding story to tell
My great Denver court room story
We have been here for 12 minutes into the immaculate clean house where we are staying kids flip out
So we leave the house
Where did you go?
Pearl Street
Do you want to stand on a clogged street in 88 degree heat with hippies
Elliot's hippie story, guy's sign said, "need money for a shirt," but I watched him take off his shirt and stick it under a rock
Sounds like Pearl Street to me
Henry is putting up a mark on the chalkboard right now
I know who your favorite hippie is
Jeanie called Evan to tell him that they were going to see the hippies
"My ship has sunk. I need cash"
I told you it was the pirate
Very herbal
They're all playing guitars and wait for you
No judgment, eh Kris?
Pete the pirate
You could start a fish stick line with his name for $6
I have to stand there and tell my son that this stuff is normal
We saw Goth grandma
She doesn't care anymore
You get passed 70 and start tripping on your titties
The point of this story that children work on 15 minute cycles
Jeanie sees the
Here's the reason the hippies bother me
They are balanced out by smug trust fund babies
Betsy, "I only pan handled once. That is a story for another day."
The next day when you came home from San Francisco I made sure we got home right away
Elliot saves family in the mountains
Give him a hard time, you can't mess with the man
We stopped someplace in between
The place where you buy gas in a bucket
We roll into Rocky Mountain National Park
The kids are watching Scoobie Doo at full blast
We are excited about a fox with dead animals in its mouth
Elliot, "Shush, there is a boy named Elliot in this episode"
Momma, I just saw a squid
Momma, I just saw an alligator
Not even close to being in a forest
It's not funny when you are their mother
He got it from a book you bought him
A book about future animals 10,000 years from now with illustrations
I forgot my cell phone
That is what I do Mr. B
So we start going up the mountain
Jeanie is gripping the OSHA car handle
The blood vessels are popping out from between her fingers
She has gone pale
Maggie, "no up. No up. No up."
Betsy talks Jeanie down
Look I'm driving with no hands
Maggie's sense is I'm strapped in
Shut up guys, Scoobie is on
Wrap the show . . . coming back down the mountain
Maybe a little Elk Mountain Resort, Valhalla on Monday, Wednesday

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Tags: portable DVD Pearl Street Jeanie Bowen summer vaction 2007 Elk Mountain Resort

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:20:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-20.mp3
Show: #389
Length: 34:31
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 20, 2007

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Hey guys, no show notes for today . . . I am trying to get to bed for an early flight.

Today's show is from after the Live show ended earlier this month. A bit of question and answer and some behind the scenes stuff you might not have already known.

Have a good weekend!

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Tags: Croncast Kris Smith Betsy Smith Boulder, CO

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 08:03:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-18.mp3
Show: #388
Length: 15:53
Size: 10.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 18, 2007

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Why is it that you are always calling me names?
I gotta get to my posse at Goodwill
Mike Marusin
Garbage equals cash
Trash is a state of mind
The CEO will have that tattooed on himself
A gorgeous mausoleum
They gotta keep things rolling
Their executives were felons years ago
Big rims and rolling large
I am having a phenomenal eBay week
This is my Valhalla money
I gotta sell this shit
Michigan Avenue bags turned into something else
We're still cracking away at it
We are selling more stuff that comes from Land of Nod
It is all outlet goods but selling well
Look at this
It's like the L.L. Bean for kids
I have never seen it
Yeah, they do . . . Elliot's room is Land of Nod
Someone has to return their stuff
The boy chained to the log didn't sew it right
The stars aligned and the heavens opened
Patch flannel comforter cover
Screen printed all over
Screen printed stuff smells
Not worth the hassle send it to the outlet
Your driving trip to Boulder
You found that one little thing to exploit and make money for your trip
Every piece of patch of patch flannel will be owned by you
The stuff for little boys is never cute . . . always rugged
The frilly fluffy stuff goes for the girls
Illustrators are doing the design work for them
You are so child like
Man, I am tired
I can't believe we did all these shows tonight
Friday will be the Q & A from the live show

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Tags: Land of Nod Valhalla Goodwill Industries trash is cash frilly fluffy stuff

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:56:06 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-16.mp3
Show: #387
Length: 16:37
Size: 11.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 16, 2007

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The morning be "one of those" already! I gotta roll out to work so there will be a lack of full show notes. Here's five notes to sum it up.

Betsy has had the kids by herself for a week at this point
Crazy Betsy's fantasy about a need to drive to Colorado again
Speaking to your child repetitively to get there attention
The movers show up with new appliances and shame Kris' manliness
Firemen with axes and condoms on their belts

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Tags: sony vaio sears kenmore appliances Goodwill illinois resale shops

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 07:59:05 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-13.mp3
Show: #386
Length: 20:54
Size: 14.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 13, 2007

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For Friday, July 13th
Triscadecaphobe friends are feeling
Yeah, and I am taking my son to the dentist
Aren't I an evil bitch
We have Friday the 13th open, excellent
He hasn't been brushing much
Kris breaks down why the shows are so short right now
Kris is in Boulder till August
Yeah we're normal people
Are you trying to be at?
Looking around awkwardly pushing your tofu around your plate
Travel and seeing other peoples kids
I miss mine more when I see the other kids
And how my wife is pissed off
Getting up with the kids
Betsy coming out in a week
Kris going out to San Francisco
Back for when Betsy arrives
Yes, Kris you are abandoning your family
"I want daddy, he would have bought me the Transformer"
Jeanie and I are going to just stop and stay a hotel
Yeah, I can skip Valhalla for the peace and quiet
I have a little online issue
Kris you always laugh at me about my computer issue
The Nigerians are after Betsy
My spam is out of control
Sure, but you use hotmail
Did you reply to one at some point?
I do have a boyfriend over there
He's wealthy and a general
A storage shed full of machetes
Betsy is going to join the resistance, some faction
The faction that burns down all the internet cafes
The international campaign not to fund your country
You have to be creative when short on funds
I just want them to leave me the hell alone
Some sort of online condom
Back to Wednesday
I truly believe that this is your launching pad
I am banking on you
There is a long record of comedians who are excellent parents
It's crazy
If it happens Mr B it will happen
I will walk out on stage with pasties for you Mr B
You'll never get another audience
Live show
We're our own worst critics
Selling stuff on eBay that people feel cheated
It was her husband telling her that it isn't cool
People really think it used to be her stuff

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Tags: Valhalla Friday the 13th triscadecaphobia Transformers Nigerian internet cafes

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 11, 2007

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 08:18:24 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-11.mp3
Show: #385
Length: 17:27
Size: 12.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 11, 2007

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I've been apologizing a lot lately and today shall be no different. In today's show you will notice quite a bit of popping that occurs throughout the entire length. For most I don't think it will be intolerable, but for some it may.

I think I know what caused the problem but since I am in Boulder and Betsy is in Chicago recording a new show is out of the question. The real problem is that we recorded 3 more shows that same night and they appear to have the same popping. That's what I get for taking the gear out of the man pit and trying to reassemble it in haste.

For now, give it a shot and if you can tolerate the annoyance you'll be able to listen to some funny stuff and get your Croncast fix. If you can't, don't worry I am going to edit together the Q & A session that we had after the live show last weekend as a replacement for a couple of the other shows.

Show notes:

Recap of the live show
Thanks to The Comedy Shrine (again)
Comment heckler
School food that Betsy loved
McRib used to be pork on a bun
Cold garlic bread
Betsy gets some kudos
Theater majors

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Tags: McRib school food bar louie heckler theater majors

Croncast Live Naperville Jul 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 08:47:55 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-09.mp3
Show: #384
Length: 32:56
Size: 22.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

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First of all we need to thank everyone who came out to the show last night! Thanks to everyone who attended and those who become Croncast roadies in the process to help me wrangle gear and toys that littered the stage.

Turns out that we were both a little nervous and it comes through on the show but it was a ton of fun to do. More practice, more better.

So for those of you who couldn't make it out we've got today's show for you recorded from The Comedy Shrine. In the very near future, thanks to videographers Mike Marusin and Evan Brown we should have some video to share. For now you can check out these Flikr photos from Mike and Brian Beatty.

Special thanks needs to go out to Betsy's dad for helping to make this happen and to Dallas and Rachel Blair for driving out from the East Coast to come and listen to some strangers get down about their suburban platitudes. Time for some show notes.

Kris blows the intro but leaves it in because this is what happens nearly every show
Maybe there needs to be less light for you Kris
More basement like and it would work for you
You look warm
I had to get puffy cuffed
You guys get the full on puffy cuff
The intro happens again
Rolls right in to Mike's comment
Betsy takes it to task
What me go out and get a job?
I've have awesome stuff happen
Bring home cockroaches in my purse
Well, if I continued my current line of work
People have been doing it for ever
Sort of like prostitution
I'll buy it as a favor to you
Teri Horton, Who the Fuck is Jackson Pollack?
It's all about the fucking provenance
People are trying to take advantage of her
They show her sitting around the VFW hanging out
You can hear the live audience
We've been pretty excited
But most you haven't (listen to hear the tone it is a joke)
We work hard for you
This is show #384
I'm just kidding!
Sure it is passive aggressive but it
We have a lot more fans in the Pacific Northwest and New York, New Jersey areas
Yeah we could have filled two more tables
Betsy put together an outline for the show
Betsy and Jeanie going on the "greatest road trip ever"
Jeanie is all about the free drive
I still can't believe you are going
I've got one with adhd and a toddler who bites
Don't you remember Slowsky?
The Volvo is Slowsky reincarnate
The Valhalla middle class outreach program
Here comes Jeanie
She doesn't look like a truck driver does she?
I can't believe that you didn't carry a gun in your semi
Betsy on a zip line
You are going to die
We've all been honest with you
Jeanie, now you know I am going to put my fat ass on a zip line
Yes, Betsy I will shoot a gun from a Hummer for you
This is our basement . . . nearly
Just shooting targets
Maybe kill a deer remotely
Betsy rationalizes it as thinning the heard
I'll take the kids to hang out at John Elway Dodge
Jeanie was thinking a massage but now it's guns
The only place that I think I could shoot off a machine gun in peace in solutude would be my dads backyard
Need an inexpensive divorce in Illinois or fast bankruptcy?
If so visit www.gshiltslaw.com
Thanks to Gary for making the show happen
Jeanie tells the story of her dad finding a body
Attendee off the street A.J. also found a floater at Niagra falls
Betsy gets her dad going about the trips
Gary sets it straight with Sleazers butcher shop
What about the zebra steaks?
Betsy shows off her sweet scores of the week
Her Gucci bowling bag
The fisher price teddy bear
Well what the hell is wrong with a used bathing suit?
That's going to do it for us
Behind the scenes outro

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Tags: The Comedy Shrine Terry Horton Gary Shilts Valhalla vacation Jeanie

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:33:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-06.mp3
Show: #383
Length: 32:06
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

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The live show is in two days!
Markx got it right, "baste"
Mr B, I smell a whole line of products for you
Water sun block with a baster?
After four days at water park the chlorine was getting to me
It was Michael Jackson' favorite place . . . lots of kids and you get bleached
Showing off my chicken skin legs
Remember when I told you about the kids . . . the hair metal kids?
Yes, I remember
I was driving by Goodwill and there they were
I won't tell anyone where to go for the boxes
Is that lady out there in the Volvo?
They cut their boxes up now
I noted to myself it was strange to see the kids
Are the kids real or are you making them up from your subconscious?
So the drummer from Ratt is standing there playing lookout
Which I realized after working in the group home and seeing kids act this way
His other Ratt band mates were in the dumpster
I didn't get it
Why not, baby, it was behind a movie theater
They were after posters and stuff
Turns of that they are your kind of people
I was looking at them as little baby thugs
Oh, baby
Kris' cell phone doesn't work in the basement
I need you to look this up on eBay
I can't hear you
What is it?
It's used retard! Gently carried, slightly touched
Then you tell me to put it back
That's four times my investment
I did find, however, a new threat to my Goodwill goodies
What does Kris have for show prep?
I got out int he world and went to see accountant
We had some tax debt and it turns out we have even more tax debt
I hope the accountant did that
What! What Mr. B
Booba, you gotta listen to me
The feds, uncle sam, is a greedy bitch and wants his money now
Accountant says, you're not in trouble
Yes, I am . . . with my wife
I need to explain to you why I am thinking of cashing out my retirement to pay taxes
You don't understand, my life could be in danger
Betsy is going to Valhalla and learning to use heavy weaponry
Betsy tries to play it off
Somehow she must not have been here during the windfall
I lucked into a windfall
That's ok Mr. B if you want to apologize again
I know you've already blown your top
How did your mom know?
I didn't tell her
Nobody can make me feel any worse
I was watering the lawn experiment and realized I could have paid for the kids to go to college
I spent all that money, I didn't have a plan, I thought the money would keep coming
It's slowing down, it's slowing down . . . can we maintain
You're mom said, "Why do you feel guilty?"
Let him feel guilty
I am getting exhausted by life lessons
Breaking the dumpster diving rules
The unitarian karma is in effect with you and those kids
I am having an "eh" week
Elliot's behavior has been tough
Sorry to be a downer but, damn
We gotta be there to back one another up
Big deal, appliance deliveries today
Live show Sunday night . . . ready for you on Monday!

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 04, 2007

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 08:22:52 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-04.mp3
Show: #382
Length: 32:47
Size: 22.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 04, 2007

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The live show is coming
Happy 4th of July fellow Americans
The country is older, I'm older and you're older
What are you doing, Kris?
You had no idea it was a holiday . . . you're a nerd
Someone's going to be expecting you to leave your computer
Nerds need boundries
One of the reasons you make a good husband but damn
Today and only today, you are the greatest husband
Booba, I've been married to you for over 3000 days
It's time for a break, Mr. B
Three days of joy for me at Elk Mountain Resort
Betsy driving from here to Boulder with Jeanie and the kids
We saw it on the Daily Show
Betsy got her gift certificate for the resort from the Radio Shopping Show
They got stuff for kids
Right, a wading pool with pellet guns
They will be teaching him kane fighting
Betsy's conservative side is taking over
Off to the training ground
Survivalists with an edge in luxury accommodations
Betsy calls them up
Yeah, we no longer are open to the public . . . we are members only
But we are accepting the remainder of the gift certificates
If I call and hear Best Western and Glock shooting range, I turn that down
Not that this is anything close to a Best Western but the added weaponry, man
My husband won't be coming but my friend will be
Only two people can sleep in the room
Nope, no two certificates for you
She thinks that you and Jeanie are, you know
Who cares! I am going to eat Kobe beef in bed
So now that Kris is going to watch the kids for me and Jeanie
You fell at my feet, bowed and begged
Yes, Betsy begged to go on this trip sans children

Betsy is yelling that it is the 4th and I need to go. Talk with you guys soon.

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Tags: boulder vacation the resort vacation without kids Best Western

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 08:00:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-02.mp3
Show: #381
Length: 29:36
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 02, 2007

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Short show notes today
Sorry that Friday's show sucked so bad
And sorry that this one kind of sucks too
The replacement gear for the UA's sucks and I hate the sound
It just can't compare with the stuff we previously used
I will keep experimenting with it to get a better sound
Betsy busts me out for my lawn experiment
I am comparing Scotts to Scotts but different styles - seeds vs. fertilized filler
My money is on the seeds
Kris busts Betsy out for her picking up smoking again
Betsy sees the writing on the wall with her eBay garage sales
Prices in Euros and not dollars
Fisher Price 970 bear
And Betsy makes fun of my tan socks and lawn mowing shoes

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:11:04 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-29.mp3
Show: #380
Length: 27:03
Size: 18.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

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Back from vacation
The show quality has changed a bit with new replacement gear
I will miss you UA 6176's but welcome the new dbx 1066 as an able stepchild
The dbx 1066 just doesn't have the same punch or open sound
Betsy is making up words "non-dramicle"
Definition - normal
Vacation with kids is racing to bed time for the adult vacation
It's a great time with the kids but for relaxation they need to be sleeping
Souvenirs gets Betsy going
No, you can't buy Maggie a rabbit pelt
Sure, 30 feet of rabbit pelts means 300 ft of sausage

Did I ever tell you what my dad brought back from a Florida vacation?
I bought you this really nice present
My sister gets a doll toy
I get a dead shark in a bottle
Yes, you have talked about your purely irrational fear of sharks
Shark week is just hell for me
I don't even watch television
It's so irrational
Have you ever had an encounter with a shark?
It's some sort of fetal shark in jar
It still had the soulless glare
That shit doesn't pass with death
I was afraid of death of the thing
I left it on the deck in the middle of winter
After about 3 weeks my mom saw it on the back porch
It had exploded, epitome of my mom's memories of my father
Then I had to go and clean it up
This is why I am a messed up person Kris
If it wasn't for my parents I wouldn't be so messed up
Ahhh, vacation was good
Doping up the kids with souvenirs to placate them
The "me" time on vacation . . . Indian gaming casino - Ho Chunk
Man, slots have changed in the years since we've been there
No more tokens or quarters for them
Digital machines with receipts that have bar codes
Tracking your slot usage
Betsy signs up with the frequent gambler program
I know you get a lot of class acts in here
You guys are making this too hard to spend my money
So I get you to come
The slots are now just computers
When you get tired of it robbing you blind
You take your receipt
A document of the heist that has just happened
Or a document that measures your joy in dollars
The great Wheel of Fortune penny slot machine story
Kris walked out with some loot in a way that only Kris could score it
Karma hooked me up
The all inclusive takes its toll when it comes to buffets
All the crab that we ate
The breakfasts and deserts
The breakfasts with deserts
The whole joint was staffed by Moldavians
They make some powerful drinks
Who knew that the Wisconsin Dells was powered by a foreign workforce?
Well, Chula Vista is

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:10:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-22.mp3
Show: #379
Length: 28:48
Size: 19.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

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Kris is funny too
Well, you should be . . . you've been learning for years from me
I should call you "lady ambiguity"
You are like the thing on Lost that traverses the forest
I went through the basement windows
Locked in the basement
I am proud of you Kris, there could have been a jar at your feet
I call the house phone from my cell
Could have opened it with a pair of scissors
You who took the certified to sell the house class
Kris has a cold
Ah, you are so dramatic
So just tell your story Mr. B
I gave up on all of you trying save me
Who's the dumb ass now
It sucks to be locked in a little box doesn't it?
You can hold it till she gets home
I used the escape exit from the basement
Turns out I am not as fat as I think I am
Kris's body dysmorphic disorder
How did you get out of the well?
Very easy, big man struggling out of a small hole
I'm glad it happened
When I met people who listen to the show last year they figured I weighed 800 lbs
The commenter has to be new to the show
Or it is Betsy's mom
Thank you for caring
It doesn't look terrible
Betsy has a lot of stuff
I give Betsy a hard time and she gives me one too
It is part of our schtick
Bety's hair now looks like Eddie Vedder from 1991
Oh, I forgot to tell you
You know how when you are old and you see young kids and say, "They are dressing like that now"
I almost laughed right at them
The hair metal look appears to be back with the kids
You can mess with the Slayer they are not a hair band
The awkward dopey kids
Checking their hair in the mirror
How the hell did I not ever have clue?
That was you nearly 20 years ago
Sweet Pea let me tell you about these boys
The guilty red neck pleasure that Kris has been indulging in
No preventative care for yourself?
The water bottle carrier
Get a really thick leather man belt
One that says Denis Austin?
No
Bad ass dudes don't give away their belts, they wear them till they fall off
Speaking of jugs
I went T-shirt shopping for you tonight Kris
Margarita Team
Tommy Bahama| ZZ Top on the Apple TV
Selling off the audio equipment for tax loot
Show quality will change a bit, but I am on it today

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 20, 2007

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 08:40:01 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-20.mp3
Show: #378
Length: 44:56
Size: 30.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 20, 2007

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Gots to keep it short on the show notes today because it is the Man's birthday and I need to get him set up for the day.

At the end of the last show we went into the found bones a bit but today we bring that story to a conclusion. At a length of around 45 minutes for today's show, you can rest assured that it was another thing that would only happen to Kris.

Here's a couple of keywords and phrases to describe it:

bones in the river
park police
city police
crime scene investigator
post 9/11 monster rescue vehicle
investigators
wet suit
bald man in shorts

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:09:14 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-18.mp3
Show: #377
Length: 33:05
Size: 22.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

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After Friday's show you deserve this show. I haven't laughed this hard listening to one of our shows when doing up show notes ever.

Switched up the intro and Betsy gets lost
I finally get to tell my Entourage show intro beef because the fixed
What was the issue, flipped text
I don't think HBO gave the show a shot because the intro was jacked up
Bless you baby
Season 4 of Entourage they fixed the "Pizza" thing, sweet
Flight of the Conchords isn't on my watch list
Not a fan of the musical in any format
The Tudors dude is short and that ruined it for me
Tom Cruise wears flats, Tudors man should
Kris puts a ban nationwide on hummus
God damn, there is so much bad breath in this country because of it
The effort and strain that it takes to be married to Kris
It was like 105 degrees up there?
Did you put on some sunscreen?
No
That's not the point
Did you drink water?
That's not he point
Did you wear a hat?
That's not the point
Self-care skills are nil in your case, Mr. B
I understand that being healthy is important
The playset used to be log cabin
They can't destroy it because Abraham Lincoln might have slept in it
Yeah, the other daddies sleep with their lawnmower in their bedroom
He hasn't mowed his lawn longer than me
All I have to say is . . .
A big well of pity
Happy father's day Mr B.
That'll teach him . . . should have worn sunscreen
Look at the nice swing set with Abraham Lincoln wood
It is now a shiny beacon of play land for kids
Abe would be proud
I knew it would be done
The neighbors got the Rainbow Swing set
900 fat men could sit on it an not break it
I accidentally set myself up in a Betsy joke
So he says it to daddy and it's on
He should have been saying it to you
Man, Booba you are just full the Mr. B hate
You did a good job Mr B
I didn't know you knew how to use those tools
Back to the banning of hummus
Sweating out every last bit of water in body
Betsy hanging out breastfeeding and eating hummus
The interior of the house doesn't smell like dogs, cats or baby poop
It smells like Betsy's hummus death
It all came to me in a flash
I was embarrassed when your friends came over
Betsy's throat hummus fills the entire house
The real problem is that all the toothpaste in the world is poison
But, Jesus, the Tom's Natural Toothpaste is horrible
Elliot, "You can't eat the toothpaste. If you do it taste like you swallowed a plant."
Hippies shouldn't make anything that goes in your mouth
Neighbors cutting down trees again
We plant a tree, they cut down three
Now it is on our driveway as mulch
We debated for a long time, but the tree was going to fall down
Right, and your kids will die too
Was the tree sick?
The tree care guy said it had a patch of fungus that could grow
What sort of fear mongers must the tree care specialists be?
Trees will kill you in your sleep in the middle of the night
It is their favorite time to fall over and crush you
So what did I find in the river?
Here's crazy shit #997 that happens to me and Kris
I'll finish it on Wednesday's show

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 15, 2007

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 10:12:58 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-15.mp3
Show: #376
Length: 29:52
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 15, 2007

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July 8th, live show, must get 10 peeps in seats by June 15th

Sorry for the late show. I am swamped with work and won't be able to get show notes up. However, guess what we talked about?

Photo doesn't quite do justice to what is now sitting on Betsy's head.

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Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 07:41:24 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-13.mp3
Show: #375
Length: 30:03
Size: 20.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

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July 8th, live show, must get 10 peeps in seats by June 15th
The triscadecaphobes represent in full
Leave a comment like the post for the video of the show
Something that would force Betsy to wear a bra and brush her hair
Whatever Mr. B, I saw gnats swarming in your cubby
We should call your corner, "What's that smell"
Garbage to the left and plates to the right
And, and what?
I put on the Beast costume for you baby
Here's the auction
Betsy dressed up in a costume years ago and now it is my turn
I'm going to give the auction number
Betsy reads it all too fast
Then she gives them to us like were are idiots
That's teh thanks that I get for helping you with your costume
There's one watcher already
The gay trip wires were missing
The male flight attendant gives Kris a wink
I have to do something about my appearance
We have become morons
Intelligence is sucked up by your offspring as you fight for survival
Betsy's grammar has taken a dive or maybe we shouldn't record so late at night
Betsy's sister invited to one of those lady sex parties
A "Love" party
I don't want to hear about grandma's sex toys
There will be other people there, Betsy
Turns out there is no one else there
I keep my inventory at my parents house in the crawl space
Big black duffel bag
They search your bags no matter what
Then they steal your iPod
The Beast will get pulled aside
Yes, I need to shave off my goatee
Going the Billy Bob Thornton look is not good for you
I am embarrassed
"If you make yourself ugly"
Sex toys and Monte Carlos
Making a buck
No one sells out of their trunk anymore, there's this thing called the internet
Side effects of the Depo shot
I don't want to hear it
Just like the candle lady
What makes you think there's a future in vibrators?
So we leave
In the Jewel parking lot the Monte Carlo starting yelling at us
"Give it to me baby"
They were watching Wrestle Mania 4 on Tivo and decided to go get it on in the Jewel parking lot
No, Vicky, you can't take a picture
They were having some alone
They were saving their relationship
Getting your lady into the car for Monte Carlo love
Vacation number two for the summer is coming
Don't forget were doing a live show in Seattle, well we plan to
Post for that coming soon so that you can pseudo rsvp so we can get a head count

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