Croncast Live | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 10:02:48 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-23.mp3
Show: #437
Length: 16:52
Size: 11.6mb
Format: mp3

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Short show . . . Betsy has places to be
Special intro by Elliot
Croncast live from the man pit
I forgot to mention Wal Mart
You can hear us there now
Shut up, Kris
Can't you hear us being piped into their stores?
People shopping and there we are with turkey fryers
We got FFA stories
The great turkey fry off jamboree we were invited to
Fryers, Keystone Light and firearms
Competitive fry off
Zis is my Wolfgang Puck oil
I don't think so Betsy
Celebrating by frying everything in sight
Grill on three legs and a cement block
Bugs? Forget it
Frying ice cubes
Guys around stuff on fire
I would do the firearms and clay pigeons
We are the hick/redneck ultimate starter kit
My thoughts make it tough to hang with the middle class
That is the relationship that has no boundaries
We just say the stuff they think but don't say
The turkey you made . . . oh, baby
Sacrifice of the bird
Who eats stuffing any other time of year?
What's wrong with Paganism anyway?
I'm not ripping on Pagans
What you are saying is that, "I fucked up the turkey and you were afraid."
29 cent a pound turkey, Pilgrims Pride
It had been beaten to death
It looked like it had just jumped in to the Latin Kings
It was black inside
I will never mess up another turkey again
You will have moist turkey for the rest of your days
The moment between you and your mom
"Like you do"
That is your mom's favorite quote
Living up to her standards
I tried cutting the leg when you asked
Sparks flew off the knife . . . not really
Sawing it into pieces
There was no layer other than the outer
The thrill of standing in line for deal
Sven Olacksen in the desert
What kind of job is jumping out of a plane?
The perfect job
You can have any job you want without kids
It frees you up
I had to meet you at 16
That's it
Elliot's special outro

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Tags: Wolfgang Puck Wal Mart turkey fryer Pilgrim's Pride beaten turkey

We're on for Seattle are you?

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:40:03 -0500

IMPORTANT: I am trying to get a head count of those who would come out to a live show next

Thursday, August 9th in Seattle.

If you can make it to a show in downtown Seattle let us know in the comments with how many of your peeps might come too.

Tags: Croncast Live Seattle Croncast live podcast

croncast live - seattle is back on! - via twitter

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:35:27 -0500

mark your calendars for august 9th, time tbd, but a live seattle show is coming. more to come

Tags: seattle liv

Croncast Live Naperville Jul 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 08:47:55 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-09.mp3
Show: #384
Length: 32:56
Size: 22.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

First of all we need to thank everyone who came out to the show last night! Thanks to everyone who attended and those who become Croncast roadies in the process to help me wrangle gear and toys that littered the stage.

Turns out that we were both a little nervous and it comes through on the show but it was a ton of fun to do. More practice, more better.

So for those of you who couldn't make it out we've got today's show for you recorded from The Comedy Shrine. In the very near future, thanks to videographers Mike Marusin and Evan Brown we should have some video to share. For now you can check out these Flikr photos from Mike and Brian Beatty.

Special thanks needs to go out to Betsy's dad for helping to make this happen and to Dallas and Rachel Blair for driving out from the East Coast to come and listen to some strangers get down about their suburban platitudes. Time for some show notes.

Kris blows the intro but leaves it in because this is what happens nearly every show
Maybe there needs to be less light for you Kris
More basement like and it would work for you
You look warm
I had to get puffy cuffed
You guys get the full on puffy cuff
The intro happens again
Rolls right in to Mike's comment
Betsy takes it to task
What me go out and get a job?
I've have awesome stuff happen
Bring home cockroaches in my purse
Well, if I continued my current line of work
People have been doing it for ever
Sort of like prostitution
I'll buy it as a favor to you
Teri Horton, Who the Fuck is Jackson Pollack?
It's all about the fucking provenance
People are trying to take advantage of her
They show her sitting around the VFW hanging out
You can hear the live audience
We've been pretty excited
But most you haven't (listen to hear the tone it is a joke)
We work hard for you
This is show #384
I'm just kidding!
Sure it is passive aggressive but it
We have a lot more fans in the Pacific Northwest and New York, New Jersey areas
Yeah we could have filled two more tables
Betsy put together an outline for the show
Betsy and Jeanie going on the "greatest road trip ever"
Jeanie is all about the free drive
I still can't believe you are going
I've got one with adhd and a toddler who bites
Don't you remember Slowsky?
The Volvo is Slowsky reincarnate
The Valhalla middle class outreach program
Here comes Jeanie
She doesn't look like a truck driver does she?
I can't believe that you didn't carry a gun in your semi
Betsy on a zip line
You are going to die
We've all been honest with you
Jeanie, now you know I am going to put my fat ass on a zip line
Yes, Betsy I will shoot a gun from a Hummer for you
This is our basement . . . nearly
Just shooting targets
Maybe kill a deer remotely
Betsy rationalizes it as thinning the heard
I'll take the kids to hang out at John Elway Dodge
Jeanie was thinking a massage but now it's guns
The only place that I think I could shoot off a machine gun in peace in solutude would be my dads backyard
Need an inexpensive divorce in Illinois or fast bankruptcy?
If so visit www.gshiltslaw.com
Thanks to Gary for making the show happen
Jeanie tells the story of her dad finding a body
Attendee off the street A.J. also found a floater at Niagra falls
Betsy gets her dad going about the trips
Gary sets it straight with Sleazers butcher shop
What about the zebra steaks?
Betsy shows off her sweet scores of the week
Her Gucci bowling bag
The fisher price teddy bear
Well what the hell is wrong with a used bathing suit?
That's going to do it for us
Behind the scenes outro

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Tags: The Comedy Shrine Terry Horton Gary Shilts Valhalla vacation Jeanie

The live show is tonight!

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 09:08:34 -0500

The day is finally here for our first live show. Kind of nervous and kind of excited at the same time.

We've got a ton of stuff to get done today but I take a minute to pop in and say thanks to those who are coming out to The Comedy Shrine and that we look forward to having a great time tonight with you.

If you are interested tickets are still available.

Tags: Croncast live Naperville podcast live podcast The Comedy Shrine

Seattle show early August, you coming?

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 08:48:51 -0500

As we get things rolling around here for the summer I wanted to get a rough head count for doing a Seattle show sometime between August 8-11th. If you can make it or plan on being in the area leave a comment below with how many of your posse might attend.

The venue and date will be determined by the amount of people interested. So for those of you who can't make it to the Naperville show but might be able to swing a Pacific Northwest trip let us know.

Tags: Croncast Live Seattle Betsy Smith Kris Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 07:41:24 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-13.mp3
Show: #375
Length: 30:03
Size: 20.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

July 8th, live show, must get 10 peeps in seats by June 15th
The triscadecaphobes represent in full
Leave a comment like the post for the video of the show
Something that would force Betsy to wear a bra and brush her hair
Whatever Mr. B, I saw gnats swarming in your cubby
We should call your corner, "What's that smell"
Garbage to the left and plates to the right
And, and what?
I put on the Beast costume for you baby
Here's the auction
Betsy dressed up in a costume years ago and now it is my turn
I'm going to give the auction number
Betsy reads it all too fast
Then she gives them to us like were are idiots
That's teh thanks that I get for helping you with your costume
There's one watcher already
The gay trip wires were missing
The male flight attendant gives Kris a wink
I have to do something about my appearance
We have become morons
Intelligence is sucked up by your offspring as you fight for survival
Betsy's grammar has taken a dive or maybe we shouldn't record so late at night
Betsy's sister invited to one of those lady sex parties
A "Love" party
I don't want to hear about grandma's sex toys
There will be other people there, Betsy
Turns out there is no one else there
I keep my inventory at my parents house in the crawl space
Big black duffel bag
They search your bags no matter what
Then they steal your iPod
The Beast will get pulled aside
Yes, I need to shave off my goatee
Going the Billy Bob Thornton look is not good for you
I am embarrassed
"If you make yourself ugly"
Sex toys and Monte Carlos
Making a buck
No one sells out of their trunk anymore, there's this thing called the internet
Side effects of the Depo shot
I don't want to hear it
Just like the candle lady
What makes you think there's a future in vibrators?
So we leave
In the Jewel parking lot the Monte Carlo starting yelling at us
"Give it to me baby"
They were watching Wrestle Mania 4 on Tivo and decided to go get it on in the Jewel parking lot
No, Vicky, you can't take a picture
They were having some alone
They were saving their relationship
Getting your lady into the car for Monte Carlo love
Vacation number two for the summer is coming
Don't forget were doing a live show in Seattle, well we plan to
Post for that coming soon so that you can pseudo rsvp so we can get a head count

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Tags: Monte Carlo love male flight attendant brain drain Croncast Live Wrestle Mania

croncast live july 8th - via twitter

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 18:24:48 -0500

sold a few more tickets today . . . shout out to Dallas who's coming out from Maryland

Tags: croncast live live show

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 07:09:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-21.mp3
Show: #365
Length: 33:43
Size: 23.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more
Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

New intro/outro music . . . something from 2005 that I never used
Think of it as looking into a pool of water
I'll ask the audience to do the intro with me at the live show
You are pure saccharine Mr B
I'm the guy that the ladies date and I tell them I'm gonna marry them
Was Elliot born when I was making pizzas at the gas station?
What was that timeline?
Then you started making pizzas
Wasn't even in a place where I could get a job at a gas station
You want me clap for you because you are making pizzas at a gas station?
Motivation for really moving on . . . being called a loser
"I just want a job working with computers"
And look at me now!
Yeah, your forehead has burn in
That was one crazy time in our lives
I like how you set me up tonight
Oh, yeah the cell phone message
The IRS is finally coming?
Nope it's an invite to hang with Kris's family
Oh, you are such a drama . . .
I didn't say it . . . you are putting words in my mouth
That makes you a bad person Betsy
That is really unfair
I was expecting you to just hang not even listen
But yet the social worker in you piqued it's interest and you had to listen
If you want to go, Kris, it is fine with me
Asked the man if he wanted to see where his dad grew up
I know how this plays out
"We can take pictures"
The corvette will rumble out of the garage
The part of Kris that wants to trust them will come out
The Sopranos and my life
You are talking about your mother
Oh, god . . . somebody fast forward
If you need help . . . go and get it!
Setting boundaries is a good thing
Yeah, I have "sucker" written all over me
And second, if you family wasn't the way that it was we wouldn't be together
The muted male point of view of what happened in his life
I was born, I had sex for the first time at 13, I graduated from high school
The start of the first time I touched something
I had the skateboard from Sears
It was a fat one, not that thin shit
So you were now riding that around in the gravel
Interesting happening on your Route 34 45 mile long garage sale
We lived at the Lake Holiday not Sandwhich
That is a long way for garage sales
I do have to think ahead
The don't have anything post-WWF
Everything is so cheap
Mark those free and put them at the end of the driveway
You are going to attend event
My cellphone is at the bottom of my purse under dirty diapers and crackers
OK daddy I'm not going off the path
ADHD under control through bugs
Our grill that caught fire is taken for salvage by brother-in-law's pops
Oh will I miss last summer's fiasco reminder to clean our grill
Kris will get rid of it
Taking pictures of ourselves . . . shit, we are fat
It was that point of looking at them and realizing that those people are us
We can't take pictures of ourselves at any angle
I look like a grizzly bear trying to hump a rabbit
My stomach doesn't stick out that far . . . no, it's real . . . it does
In that photo she's lifting up my shirt
There is no plus that can come of it

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Tags: Lake Holiday Route 34 garage sales Croncast Live post WWF corvette

Croncast bootlegs and soggy grilled cheese

Sun, 20 May 2007 13:52:53 -0500

Mike's got everything covered for the live show . . . including a Dead mashup graphic.

Tags: Mike Marusin Croncast Live grilled cheese the Dead

Buy your tickets now! Croncast Live - Naperville

Fri, 18 May 2007 09:11:08 -0500

Ok people, we are set. You can now buy tickets to our first live show.

The show will be on Sunday, July 8th 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm at The Comedy Shrine in Naperville, IL.

If you need more information or are coming from out of town and need hotel information call Kris at (630) 303-9065.

This is what I wrote up for a description:

Join us for the first ever Croncast Live!

If you think that we're funny on the show come and get a first hand look at Betsy rolling her eyes during the intro, waving her hands wildly and all my Mr B moves.

Doing a "live" show, "live" meaning in front of people other than the My Size Barbie's and Goodwill prizes is something that we've wanted to do for a while and we want you to be at The Comedy Shrine with us.

Betsy and I are thinking of calling this the Suburban Bliss Tour . . . well, maybe I am, but regardless we are set for night of dairy snake, moob and other Croncastisms.

Pacific Northwesters, don't forget we'll be doing a Seattle show in August! More on that show soon.

Tags: croncast live show The Comedy Shrine Naperville Croncast Live tickets