FFA | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

buffalo pasture

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:38:08 -0500

this is the view west on the street in front of the my folks house.

that would be the highway, then pasture. the sound of cars flying by and the view really took me back.

Tags: view pasture sound cars back

my pony

Sun, 25 May 2008 12:54:57 -0500

your denim bedazzled pony jacket, mam.

Tags: pony mam jacket bedazzled denim

Season 20 Ep 8: Husband in the Bubble, Carbon Dioxide Vampires, Nock

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:14:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-21.mp3
Show: #483
Length: 38:15
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

One day to Earth Day
Elliot has been telling me about the poor suffering pandas for ten days
He was telling me the acid rain was burning the pandas
Which was causing them not to have babies
He asked me if I knew what trees were
He's so much like his mom
He says, "Trees are carbon dioxide vampires"
I told him that would be a great band name
He didn't get it
Two worlds collided
You bought this badminton set at Goodwill
At a garage sale
Well, it came from out of the house
Husband in a bubble
Whatever you had taught him was wrong
Proper badminton form
Let me show you
What? What you learned at La Moille badminton school?
I can't believe you tried to describe this
What the hell are you talking about?
Your boy cannot do overheard
Oh, baby
I won't even listen to you and your un-athletic skills
It's good he's not you, Kris
He just doesn't get it as I am trying to help him
You're a like a lion in the grass
Look at that birdie fly
He can't hit it back and forth
I wanted to work with him
And you wonder why he doesn't want to play with you
You are a weird nerd jock hybrid
You're a NOCK
He'll have flash backs
Badminton is where business gets done
Watching his badminton future crumbles before my eyes
Don't send the hate mail
I get it
I need to engage with him on another level
He's going through a growth spurt
He's 7 asking if the weather is changing
Sensitive to barometric pressure
Taking the kids to lunch
Ted's Montana Grill
Ted's Buffalo Hut
There is nothing more environmentally friendly than buffalo farming
What are you saying? Twice as much methane
Maggie is all about it
Elliot looks at Ted's Bison Hut
Looks left and says, I just want Subway
"I won't get a bag of chips with my burger"
Wanted to do something a bit special
He says, "Dad, I don't like fancy. I like Goodwill and Subway."
Half the time he is working on bits
What's 10 minus 8?
I think you owe me $2, Mom
I get to the foreclosure/divorce house
Ring the door bell
The laundry basket was longaberger
It was like you designed the house
There was a beautiful chandelier in his bathroom
He wanted $1,800 for it
Then he says, "I paid $23,000 for it."
They make excellent copies of this at Menards
Then, Mr B, there it was
I became the sucker
Do you like the table?
It happens
How much do you want for the table?
Well . . .
I paid $12,000 for it
This is a garage sale
The table turned to fire when he told $2,300
Can you grab me something out of that crystal wine in the box holder
It was so McMansion
It was like he was trying to get on Cribs and it didn't work out
Same outfit as yesterday
Because he is single now

Tags: Longaberger suffering pandas acid rain Ted's Montana Grill McMansion

Croncast Stickers

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:39:39 -0500

You know you want one! Like I said on today's show I found a few more stickers in the man pit.

How many? 10. To get your's head over to the contact page - www.croncast.com/contact.php - and send me your mailing address.

Update: I've got 3 more left. Any takers?

Tags: stickers croncast mailing address you want sticker giant

MSI: Mini 727 Fuselage 1

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:13:30 -0500

Inside the Boeing 727 at MSI is a miniature fuselage at the back of the plane.

Everytime we have passed it on visits I wanted to get a shot of it. Today was the day.

Tags: msi fuselage passed visits shot

Season 19 Ep 20: Stage Mommy, Tight Wrangler's, Your people

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:58:54 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-27.mp3
Show: #466
Length: 26:35
Size: 18.3mb
Format: mp3

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You look business like today, Kris
Are you kidding me?
Are you looking at me or did you lose eyesight?
You can't say the you actually left the house
Not once did I leave the house in the last 1 1/2 since I started working at home to work
Sure I traveled and did work but when it was time to work I was at home
Every time that that I go to a Caribou or a Starbucks
There are always
Maybe they think what you and I do is ridiculous
You have tons of passion
Your new routine is to work until 1 a.m.
I watched The Wire on demand
I've been working 14 hour days baby
Spending lots of time at 6 am with our son
He's got a great creative mind
Betsy, you are becoming a stage mommy
You are
The vicariousness of you actions is evident
You should just be outside with him
I was never interested as a kid
Yeah, but now you are
He doesn't have any fear about talking to people
Bursting into song in the McDonald's restroom can be embarrassing
He's got bad coordination like you
You need two mirrors to even see your hair
Why are there no Goodwill scores lately
Clean out their whatever?
I am waiting for grandmothers to die so their kids can donate her china
Baby, I don't know about your business plans
They all involve death
Like what?
Uh, Murder McMansions?
Oh, yeah
It is a good thing I don't have a ton of insurance
It's a good that that lottery winner in Georgia was a woman
If her husband had won he would have left her
Do you fear that?
The debt reduction plan
Having some drinks with Mike Marusin
Join Twitter!
Kris - http://twitter.com/croncast
Betsy - http://twitter.com/resalequeen
The Guinness Girls were there?
Yes
Did they have muffin tops?
No
Then they were girls
You don't make enough for me to get my boobs fixed
Then you could get a Guinness girl job
I could do apple bottom jeans for cowboys
Most farm girls with tight jeans got that weird butt
How do they get that?
From riding horses
Strong butt and thighs
At the FFA convention the Wyoming female contingent could crush cars
What are you plans for after 500 shows?

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Wranglers Guinness FFA stage mother funny accent

Season 19 Ep 11: Walzer A., Buffalo Days, The Coffee Drinker

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:51:22 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-01.mp3
Show: #457
Length: 26:13
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

About the Wednesday show
We were recording and the phone was ringing off the hook
Call from Walzer A
So this is Wednesday's show
Yeah, it was your sister calling
Brother-in-law lost his job
And the three mother hens showed up at his house
I did not envy him at all
It is getting more and more crowded in this boat
Your mom told you that you need to take care of this
I couldn't think of a more depressing situation
I wouldn't have come home
I would have went out at 8 am and got a beer
Where? This isn't Milwaukee
I would have waited that shit out
You are telling me that I am a born leader
I was telling myself that I glad you all weren't here
This is how it goes down in my dysfunctional family
My entire life I have had to be the man
What?
You shoveled in the middle in a snow storm
You can't even tell you shoveled
Doing it repeatedly doesn't make sense
At 4:30 am our neighbor fired up his snow blower
Ridiculous
Some men wake up with motivation, Kris
What would you do if it were a chainsaw?
Then he started cutting down trees
Well, hell he was motivated
Oh, baby
I tossed pup pup in a snowbank
What for?
To send to the TV station
Are you serious?
Well, I did send it
The auto response email was "Thanks for sending to KABC 7 Los Angeles"
Your snowy dog will be on in LA
You dogs suck
Jorge would be restricted to humane society
Ass end up in a garbage can
That is what we should have called the Resale Queen show
Yesterday, I almost slipped and died
Good things that dumpsters are heavy
How come they don't shovel by them?
I am going to open Dumpster Land
A theme park for you and your people
The dangers that you face everyday
It can't be packing peanuts
There is no Calvin pissing on nothing
What stickers would the truck have?
Did the new trucks ever roll out to La Moille?
I though i shouldn't ask because it would be sad
There was a time that they did come out
No one can tie a knot in this town
Ending up in the county jail
Swanson's baby
Onions in the peas
They came to town for Buffalo Days
The quaint small town festivals in movies, lies
There's no tax base to support that
Basketball game in a gravel pit
I grew up across from a buffalo pasture
Did you ride buffalo instead of ponies?
Did they chain them to a claw foot tub to slow them down?
From kindergarten to graduation at 14
Let me run the tilt-a-whirl
I would be right there
Ending up with a corn cob in his bibs
Might be dangerous but in a small town that's fun
Being pulled on sled behind cars
Watching the console in a lawn chair
I have sat in the back of a Chevy and bounced across fields
We didn't do donuts in a Wal Mart parking lot
It was a small town
Ok, K-Mart
That would have been a 30 mile commute
I know you rode in the back of a pickup truck on the way to a K-Mart
Yes, I did
CB radios in those days, figuring out who the coffee drinker was
Your mom would have a handle

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: buffalo snowy dog LaMoille Resale Queen sledding

Gross.

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 19:04:05 -0600

This mess, or call it a sign not to use this restroom, was waiting for us when we entered. Being me and having a child who's 'got to go' required entry and usage of the facilities.

Fastest I have ever used a restroom, ever. Ddn't let Elliot touch a thing or wash his hands. It seemed right given the state of affairs.

Keeping Purell in Betsy's purse was never a better idea.

Tags: restroom given state seemed hands

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 10:02:48 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-23.mp3
Show: #437
Length: 16:52
Size: 11.6mb
Format: mp3

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Short show . . . Betsy has places to be
Special intro by Elliot
Croncast live from the man pit
I forgot to mention Wal Mart
You can hear us there now
Shut up, Kris
Can't you hear us being piped into their stores?
People shopping and there we are with turkey fryers
We got FFA stories
The great turkey fry off jamboree we were invited to
Fryers, Keystone Light and firearms
Competitive fry off
Zis is my Wolfgang Puck oil
I don't think so Betsy
Celebrating by frying everything in sight
Grill on three legs and a cement block
Bugs? Forget it
Frying ice cubes
Guys around stuff on fire
I would do the firearms and clay pigeons
We are the hick/redneck ultimate starter kit
My thoughts make it tough to hang with the middle class
That is the relationship that has no boundaries
We just say the stuff they think but don't say
The turkey you made . . . oh, baby
Sacrifice of the bird
Who eats stuffing any other time of year?
What's wrong with Paganism anyway?
I'm not ripping on Pagans
What you are saying is that, "I fucked up the turkey and you were afraid."
29 cent a pound turkey, Pilgrims Pride
It had been beaten to death
It looked like it had just jumped in to the Latin Kings
It was black inside
I will never mess up another turkey again
You will have moist turkey for the rest of your days
The moment between you and your mom
"Like you do"
That is your mom's favorite quote
Living up to her standards
I tried cutting the leg when you asked
Sparks flew off the knife . . . not really
Sawing it into pieces
There was no layer other than the outer
The thrill of standing in line for deal
Sven Olacksen in the desert
What kind of job is jumping out of a plane?
The perfect job
You can have any job you want without kids
It frees you up
I had to meet you at 16
That's it
Elliot's special outro

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
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Tags: Wolfgang Puck Wal Mart turkey fryer Pilgrim's Pride beaten turkey

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 10:00:26 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-14.mp3
Show: #410
Length: 34:42
Size: 23.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Early insert for TFF - Tell a Friend Friday
Go out and tell a friend about Croncast
We now have a way for you to even tell strangers
STICKERS! They'll be here on Tuesday
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Now to the show notes
Trescadecaphobes yesterday was the day
Today it is safe it is the 14th
It was a good 13th for me
You are on a nerd high Mr. B . . . I'm gonna let you roll
Yeah, I am stoked
I saw in Google Reader that TechCrunch 40 had 5 press/blogger passes available
Sent Jason Calacanis a message
Hour and a half later I was good to go
So thanks to Jason . . . I am really looking forward to the event
I'll crank out some podcasts
Thanks to Rick and Robin for putting me up next week
I'll get to see the solar panels
We should buy carbon credits from them
It's good to be all in Mr B
Like I said, you've got to strike while the iron is hot
Can I now tell my story, Kris
I had a creepy thing happen to me last night
I gotta thank people
I don't tell people thank you enough
You don't
I know baby
I had the best lesson taught to me by my uncle
He sent me a thank you note
Then on the back it said, "This is what a thank you not looks like."
He told you!
Betsy's problem is she buys them and writes them but just doesn't follow through
The only person that always gets them in neighbor . . . I can walk them over
So what happened on your dark night
Yeah, your creepy story . . . sorry that I asked
Get off the stage bitch
I don't have to work with anyone
I reallize that I left my purse in the bar
The drunk bouncer stops me and cuts me off
He's a drunk frat boy
Where them diet chocolate shakes at
He gets all up in my face
Sucking in my oxygen, that close
Listen, I am as old as dirt
We get into this battle of the wits
My she is fabulous . . . she is so witty
Do you know what he did?
Started crying
No, he kissed me
Silence
The most disgusting moment of my life
I know you stepped back into his personal space
So he kissed you . . . where?
My lips
I was shocked
I can't believe you are telling me now, not last night
You didn't seem to mention it
Yeah, I'm running away with the bouncer
Takes a certain type of dude to handle a lady like you
Don't take that personally
Your behavior can be interpreted different ways
I did not invade this man's space
Think of the sweet alley action he gets
I gotta tell you not a big fan of improv night or Bar Louie
I didn't expect to hear this
No, I don't find it alright to deal with
The most competent individual you can hire for $6
The score is 1 me, you 0
The reason that I have an issue with it is that I would have rumbled
I would have hit him
Really?
Notice how I said I would have hit him, not kicked his ass
Oh, Mr. B
Improv class might not be my thing
Betsy tells us all about improv
You are milking that imaginary cow all wrong
Oh, no, no . . . I was in FFA I know how to milk a cow city man

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
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Tags: Bar Louie TechCrunch 40 Jason Calacanis TFF croncast stickers

Podcasting gets a plug from Eric Zorn

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 07:26:06 -0500

Eric Zorn has a good, succinct write up about podcasting in today's Trib, Pull up a chair, the plug in some podcasts. Well, at least the online version. As I sit in my room here in Boulder the only thing available to me is a paper printed on recycled hemp with biodegradable ink that is already fading. I kid the Boulder.

Anyway, in the blog version Eric did something else cool, he posted other podcasts that were recommended from people on his mailing list. We didn't make Eric's list but we did make Rick's. Thanks for the nod holmes.

With us in Rick's list and many of the others was the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me podcast. It is only correct that we showed up in front of this Chicago Public Radio staple in Rick's list. Why? As I will remind the the rest of planet earth with a connection to the tubes we are Peter Sagal's favorite podcasters. Heheheh. I have the photo to prove it. He wrote it on his own program from May 2005, no less.

If you happen to listen to the show from 2005 where we review the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me live show, just keep in mind it is from the olden days of podcasting back when tumbleweeds and buffaloes ruled the plains.

Since then we've put over 375 more shows under our belts and gotten much better at this thing. Tighter, as they say in the biz.

Tags: Eric Zorn Chicago Tribune Wait Wait Don't Tell Me podcast my favorite podcaster planet earth

Today's show will be up later today

Mon, 28 May 2007 07:26:16 -0500

Been a while since I posted one of these, but today's show, like the title says, is going to be late. The pic above is but a small portion of the Croncast goodness to come.

We're going to be late not because of the holiday but more so that Betsy and I found time for a much needed conversation last night about our current state of affairs. Like most things in life it happened at the same time we were supposed to be doing something else . . . like the show.

Most of the discussion focused on how it sucks and feels almost like we are not coming clean because for some topics that are really big in our lives we have to be cryptic about for the show. And, like the show, I am being so here, sorry.

To figure out what I am talking about pull out your cryptic topic code breaker and spin the dial a bit to left and then back to the right for television show references. The decoder says, "Fred and Barney drove to this every day." Hmmm . . . Flinstones reference no good . . . must twist dial again. The decoder says, "Ricky Gervais import starring characters Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott." The cryptic topic code breaker says that is the best it can do.

Tags: The Flinstones memorial day 2007 Ricky Gervais Dwight Shrute late show

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:27:59 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-02.mp3

Show: #334
Length: 34:16
Size: 23.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 02, 2007

Nick T rating of 4

Nick T rating system:
Scale: 1 = Safe for everyone
Scale: 2 = Some parental guidance
Scale: 3 = Maybe this is for 12+
Scale: 4 = Not legal? Probably not for you - Adult themes (like HBO series)
Scale: 5 = Only safe for Betsy's dad

The jokey who left the 300th comment on the Wii Friend Code post
1 (900) Wii-Code
Getting them on the line to chat about their code
Anybody here? Anybody here? Anybody here?
I'm here . . . Now refresh
Betsy shook me down for old equipment to sell on eBay
She sold my brown Zune to some sorry soul
Yeah, I thought it sucked
Next to the Netgear SPH101 Skype phone it was the worst
iTunes is so far ahead of where Microsoft wants to be
The store is a science . . . MS doesn't have a chance starting so far behind
Urge? Yeah, urge to puke . . . urge to bodily
She also sold my DBX compressor/limiter/gate thing
Sold to the Columbus Arts Council
Betsy, "I have a new business idea."
Rows of monitors like head stones staring at you
Maybe they need parts
If I can sell it, it doesn't matter if it was free to me
"Free to Me" to be Betsy's autobiography title
Haven't you said about 100 times that you are going to do that
Land of Nod trip for the purse business
Is this a purse business anymore?
It's back to any hustle that you can get?
Yes, you're right Bears
Manipulating the Land of Nod staff with crying babies
The best day is to go the first day of the month for mark downs
Why it is no longer a purse business
What people expect in our basement . . . it is underwhelming
The Wii article ran in Reuters and then got picked up in many places
Betsy reads the article
"If you have ever picked you nose or punched someone . . . "
I am so embarrassed
What a 32 year old tool
Bernadette says, "Have you thought of horses?"
We know how that would go
Needle in the balls and bullet in the head
Betsy says they still cap them
Dramatic ending needed for champions
Maybe back in 1930 they shot them
FFA, the sheep and the shotgun . . . tell it Betsy
The big dollar sheep showing check
You were chasing the wrong poontang in high school, Kris
Those beefy farm chicks had mad cash

Tags: brown Zune FFA sheep Netgear SPH101 Columbus Arts Council Free to Me

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 07:41:26 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-17.mp3

Show: #328
Length: 29:50
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 17, 2007

Betsy starts the laughing early in the intro
What are you doing?
Kris isn't it about time you go to work
So, um it is day three and I already can't stand the site of you
I might rent you office space
Roll some orange extension cord out to the shed
You're monitor is so bright
Lift up your man boobs and let me see if there is a tan line
It's all been subterranean
The meat loaf made everyone sick
No, Mr. B it didn't
Carla got it
It is the 'socially unacceptable flu'
My insides are liquefying
What these people would look like in Banana Republic
Betsy has no personal space this week
Even if Elliot's skin is falling off tomorrow he's going to school
So this was problem . . . you in the basement taking up all this space
Elliot, Gigi, Zeus, Mom and Betsy all in the same space
Hey Kris, could you . . . and you disappear
Now the conversations are what the phone calls used to be at the office
She walks down and face to face
When are you going to be gone at your conferences
They are mini geek vacations
I'm really busy . . . and the you need to get the fuck out of here look
I don't have that look
Yeah you did Dough Boy
The mountain time zone difference
I'm trying to match the schedule
But I just started Betsy, it takes time
I should make you punch in and out Bears
The laundry, well the process of what it takes to get the laundry done
Betsy tells the story of Tiffany the chow
Making my way from the basement to the executive bathroom on the second floor
Maybe you and Maggie could go and get a job shoveling snow
I have had two jobs for the last 3 years . . . that isn't what I am telling you
Can you tell me the hours of my job?
Wind it down, yes I am
Why call 911 when giving birth?

Tags: subterranean husband Banana Republic flu smelly dog dough boy get out look