Gigi | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

gigi and moose

Sat, 07 May 2011 14:42:58 -0500

Tags: moose gigi

tic tac gigi

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:32:09 -0500

maggers decided that she would do her part to mess with me by hiding right when i would take these shots.

Tags: mess hiding shots part decided

Yo Gabba Gabba taking the stage in 20 minutes - gigi is stoked

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 08:36:14 -0500

Tags: gabba gigi stoked minutes stage

Maggers and the dude

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:33:44 -0500

Maggie, aka Gigi, hanging with her favorite of the dogs, Zeus.

Camera is missing anti-green eye flash.

Tags: missing camera anti green flash

I survived

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 13:42:36 -0600

I just climbed to the top of this beast to retrieve Gigi.

Hopefully, my final fast food right of passage with the youngest of my children.

I am not built for such activity.

Tags: youngest passage food children built

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:55:45 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-28.mp3
Show: #439
Length: 22:14
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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The posts are posts
The most totally Gary email
"I'm in a village where people go to die"
"Someone couldn't wait and died on train"
Life itself is a destination
Mr. B is all happy
You've made it someplace
Yeah, void before it started and void when it ends
I knew you would turn it around and make it negative
When I was hit by a truck I learned this truth
Sure I flew 30 feet
How do you know you flew 30 feet?
There were witnesses
In the country?
No, it wasn't the country I was in town
Kris, could you keep farm animals in town?
Yes
Then it is the country!
I can see the bike-a-thon
Ride you big wheel around the block, pig bbq, oh someone is dying
If you are windshield smudge before you are 10 you're not a smart one
The banana seat bike catapulted me
I can see your dad measuring 30 ft
Right, everybody in town carried a tape measure
Is there a point to this story
All, I am saying is life is your destination
Live it while you got it
Lawn chair collectors
That's a hotel chair
Gigi starts yelling
We're all on the edge of our seats, Kris
They got into rc cars
When you are not the one being farmed?
The human condition means we are all farmed
Mr B
Betsy explains how it is done on the farm
I had gravel but there are many a boy that would want gravel over grass
You can be negative all you want
Today is the greatest day ever Mr. B
I am dressed in my sloppy best
Betsy takes us way back
Is there ever a need to dress up in your world, Betsy?
No
I say the same things to you
Once you understand this story you will understand me
The broom story from the last show didn't do it?
Betsy tells a story that I have never heard
Her dad bought his wife a car
We drive out to pick it up from a country driveway
It is parked behind a convenient store
It looked like it belonged in your father's yard
It was three different colors
No class, no style but it had balls
It was the original hyrbrid
Dekalb Ag car
She was disappointed
I was 15 and drove all the time
I didn't want to go get a license
It was a formality, detail
As long as I don't leave his subdivision I could get out of it
And I entered a 4 way intersection that turns out to be a 2 way
I hit a girl in a little pinto
My friend said, shit you're 15 you won't get your license until you are 21
My evil side takes over
I realize that she is 16 and doesn't know what to do
This is when I take over
We shouldn't call the police
We can let our dads talk and take care of it
The rest is history
This is possibly Betsy's funniest story ever
You are going to be a scary adult

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Tags: Pinto my dad small town fundraisers big wheels banana seat bike

Me, Maggers and the red tree

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 13:37:32 -0600

Gigi came with me today to pick up some lightbulbs for the man pit
and spotted this tree from across the store.

She and Betsy share the same inner spark and sense of classy design.

Betsy will be picking up this tree at Goodwill in 5 weeks for $8.95.

Tags: tree betsy sense spark inner

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:45:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-17.mp3
Show: #398
Length: 29:56
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

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I'm losing my voice again
Thanks to your children
Serves you right!
Mr. "In a minute"
Hitting refresh is not a job
Doing who is queries all day
The fact that you know what a who is query is . . . time for love love
The pitter patter of Gigi upstairs
Don't spray that in your eye
Maggie locked me in the basement
Every woman in this house locks me in the basement
Once she realizes I am on one side and she is on the other she freaks out
Daddy, daddy dadddy
I begin to stress because I hear the crying
It activates that parental thing in me
There is one way out other than crawling out
A big man in a small window
Yeah, it is like fat women and little dogs
I begin yelling for the other one to come and unlock the door
The dogs start barking
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I start yelling up the vents hoping Elliot would hear me
Why didn't you just stick one man titty at a time out the window and ease out
You need to get out of the house Mr. B
I really wish we could spend time together at things like the Great American Yard Sale
You could be my wing man Mr. B
Anyways, I got you
Who wants to play with plushies with you
Betsy does improv class night two
It will make me a better listener, Kris
It has brought insight into your life
I have learned what it is like to be a man
Someone will redirect you in the moment and you can move on
I just think you've got a brain like golden retriever
I don't have to be a tree at home
We should have a family game night with improv games
Oh, wait I have an idea . . . how about family HTML programming night right before dessert
The new dude walks in to class and he is a programmer
I thought you were a coder
I can smell it on your breath
What does it smell like?
Your mother's basement
It was super fun
I had a near death experience Mr. B
How does that happen when all you do is go and get coffee and hit up Goodwill
I put down the mocha latta
I'm parked next to a big shiny Lexus
Maggie freaks and I open my car door into the car
Then I see that the car is occupied
Fuck you and your fucking small car
The woman gets out of her car very slowly
I don't know what you are supposed to do in that situation
It's a Volvo, it's bullet proof, don't touch me
It gets worse
I did what any self respecting mommy would do
I lick my shirt and rub the mark off her car
She makes eye contact and says, "Stop licking my car"
My ass was grass
Get your lips off my Lexus
I had successfully removed the scratch with my magic eraser finger
I hit your car but I successfully slimed off the mark
The dust of Elk Mountain
I would get arrested for that
I know what I am going to do
I ran
I ran away from her
I picked up Maggie and ran
If she hits my car, well, it is insured
I wasn't going to wait until she popped out my eye teeth
Betsy will minimize anyone else's shit
Just because you don't care about your car doesn't mean other people don't
The Dust of Montrose
Was my greatest vacation ever
Your not helping me out Mr. B
The Great American Yard Sale has moved to a mall parking lot
Westfield shopping center won't know what hit
Welcome to camp Junk Ass
One legged box races
There are some one legged people that can gallop
I need you to help me out
I'll get there at four in the morning and it will give me a 10 minute head start
They stole my Jaguar off my hood
What it the whole point of owning the Jaguar is the stupid little shiny thing
Yeah, now it is next to some kids tee ball trophy
Dealership says none in stock
Ornament $211, labor $78 and with tax it will be about $330
Didn't you have any markings on it?
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Black Lexus Great American Yard Sale improv class Dust of Montrose Jaguar hood ornament

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

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Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:59:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-27.mp3
Show: #390
Length: 32:29
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

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It's been a while since we've done a show
The worst part is I can't tell anyone the story
It will ruin the show
We have to tell everyone we'll tell you later
I did see some of the photos baby
Jeanie and I laughed
Don't start there Bears
This is not the typical Croncast, Kris and Betsy story
Sure I have been supplanted by Jeanie
Mr B would have done this anyway
Do you want to tell your story?
Can I give you some hints to telling a story
We are going to start our story from the very beginning
Jeanie rolls up to my house
We have to go to my sister's kids party
My mom and my dad in the same building, stress
The last time was like 10 years since they were in same room
I had nightmares about how bad this trip was going to be
Epiphany was to dope them out with DVD's
Misgivings? Why? Last year was not enough?
So I strap in the DVD player and monitors
We surprise the kids with it
Strap in the kids and pull away
The power adapter pops in, out, in, out
Elliot,"It's on, It's off. It's on. It's off."
With a former truck driver by your side I shouldn't have been worried
Jeanie took a class in map reading
"Betsy, where is the map?"
"I don't have one."
Simply a print out from mapquest
With the kids I figured it out
Take the group home approach, catch them being good
What does Maggie get?
Green dry erase markers
45 minutes later Jeanie says you've got look at Maggie
The scariest site ever
Maggie colored herself green and put chocolate in her hair
She was laughing maniacally
"I funny. I funny."
So we pull over at a truck stop
I walk in with Gigi
Everyone stops, turns and stares at us
She had lifted her dress and colored all the way to her diaper
That woman is totally talking to Betsy
Dry erase markers come off very easy
Where are you at this point?
Western Illinois
Jeanie wanted to hit the world's largest truck stop
Betsy, "Didn't you listen to last year's vacation show?"
Another thing that we learned last year was to get a hotel room
Jeanie was rolling up in the driveway when you booked it
You didn't remember it
Kris, shut up, this is my show
No map Betsy doesn't know where she is
Elliot and Maggie hit the hotel and want to sleep with mama
Elliot has had it and is ready to sleep in the car
Little Kris was in the backseat complaining
Now he reads numbers he made sure to point out we were speeding
I don't recommend the Super 8 in Lincoln, Nebraska
Isn't there something in Lincoln like a university
Jeanie brings the good trip karma with her
The scary omens of the open road
I had apologized to Jeanie
You have got to heed the signs
Every mile marker was a Slowsky moment
I was amazed that we rolled into Denver/Boulder area
The kids have started to melt down
Hey, you've won another Pokeman card
Jeanie, can I have another car
Honey, Mommy is going 90 mph you need to sit still
They waited until we were in traffic to act up
Every parent knows that you kids don't need anything from you until you are merging onto the interstate
We were behind a Prius
It had a blue hair in it, double whammy
Did the exhaust smell like broccoli or cooked carrots?
When you ride with Betsy you are junk coordinator
Fast food dumped in your lap and Betsy sipping on her diet coke
Give me that grilled chicken bitch
I know you, Booba
Speeder! I won't get in to it
Kris has speeding story to tell
My great Denver court room story
We have been here for 12 minutes into the immaculate clean house where we are staying kids flip out
So we leave the house
Where did you go?
Pearl Street
Do you want to stand on a clogged street in 88 degree heat with hippies
Elliot's hippie story, guy's sign said, "need money for a shirt," but I watched him take off his shirt and stick it under a rock
Sounds like Pearl Street to me
Henry is putting up a mark on the chalkboard right now
I know who your favorite hippie is
Jeanie called Evan to tell him that they were going to see the hippies
"My ship has sunk. I need cash"
I told you it was the pirate
Very herbal
They're all playing guitars and wait for you
No judgment, eh Kris?
Pete the pirate
You could start a fish stick line with his name for $6
I have to stand there and tell my son that this stuff is normal
We saw Goth grandma
She doesn't care anymore
You get passed 70 and start tripping on your titties
The point of this story that children work on 15 minute cycles
Jeanie sees the
Here's the reason the hippies bother me
They are balanced out by smug trust fund babies
Betsy, "I only pan handled once. That is a story for another day."
The next day when you came home from San Francisco I made sure we got home right away
Elliot saves family in the mountains
Give him a hard time, you can't mess with the man
We stopped someplace in between
The place where you buy gas in a bucket
We roll into Rocky Mountain National Park
The kids are watching Scoobie Doo at full blast
We are excited about a fox with dead animals in its mouth
Elliot, "Shush, there is a boy named Elliot in this episode"
Momma, I just saw a squid
Momma, I just saw an alligator
Not even close to being in a forest
It's not funny when you are their mother
He got it from a book you bought him
A book about future animals 10,000 years from now with illustrations
I forgot my cell phone
That is what I do Mr. B
So we start going up the mountain
Jeanie is gripping the OSHA car handle
The blood vessels are popping out from between her fingers
She has gone pale
Maggie, "no up. No up. No up."
Betsy talks Jeanie down
Look I'm driving with no hands
Maggie's sense is I'm strapped in
Shut up guys, Scoobie is on
Wrap the show . . . coming back down the mountain
Maybe a little Elk Mountain Resort, Valhalla on Monday, Wednesday

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Tags: portable DVD Pearl Street Jeanie Bowen summer vaction 2007 Elk Mountain Resort

Betsy and her husband Kris May 16, 2007

Wed, 16 May 2007 07:25:07 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-16.mp3
Show: #363
Length: 26:52
Size: 18.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 16, 2007

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Betsy is in selling mode and looking around all crazy
Even my Wheat Crisps from Trader Joe's is looking marketable
Elliot's got his IEP (some mumbo jumbo for meeting about your child) today
We're dropping Gigi off at her sisters so we can be childless and focus
Flyers under the shield at Wal-Mart for illegal slaughter house
Not since becoming a suburbanite have I seen a huge plunky dunky goat
They got the crazy eyes
Sitting there licking it's cloven hooves
"Moma, pet"
When goats attack
Oh, my god you have to call 911
There's a goat in front yard!
It's unusual, but a goat in your yard is an emergency
The goat hunkered down behind the cozy coupe
Could be injured and vicious
The goat had to come from the crazy farm on 87th
I'm putting goats on my front lawn
And next to that RV parking for off season parking
I'm ok with it
More people being held at Gitmo than the town I grew up in
Yeah, you are crazy Betsy
Here's the part that makes you crazy
Elliot's IEP . . . Betsy starts telling the goat story
"Guess what I saw this morning . . . a GOAT!"
We were there for 45 minutes and you told the goat story 4 times!
Elliot's special education teacher even got the goat story
In the meeting with 5 teachers she busts it out again
In the meantime Vickie's got 3 kids and a goat in her yard
It could have had babies
It could have had sex with a golden retriever and made gorievers
Animal control shows up and says it belongs to the farm
They said, "Stand back. Goats are dangerous."
I may go and apply for it, Kris
We could do a freelance goat retrieval business
I want a uniform with a patch
They wander the forest preserve
Evidently the goats freak if they hit the pavement
They go "bo honky" . . . coined by Betsy
All the neighborhood kids show up to watch
Can you imagine having a baby in you with horns?
Duct tape that fence together
"You may want to cover the children's eyes"
What did you say to Maggie?
She can't say 'goat' so she was saying 'doat'
Where's the 'doat'?
Now the environmental clean up company needs to come back and clean up pooh
The hobby farm guy doesn't want to come and get his goat
Betsy won't let me have the drink I ordered
Thanks for the call Dave about tickets for the live event . . . The Comedy Shrine will not be selling tickets for the event it is up to us to get it set up. We will have something ready by next Monday and let you know!

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Tags: escaped goat goriever cloven hooves The Comedy Shrine IEP

my nose overfloweth - via twitter

Tue, 08 May 2007 07:48:49 -0500

caught whatever gigi has. I guess hand washing doesn't cut it when lifting snotty baby 200 times.

Tags: sick gigi

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 07:21:19 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-30.mp3
Show: #356
Length: 32:01
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 30, 2007

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What are my moobs and dairy snakes worth? Let us know above in the banner with your support
A little guilt borrowed from NPR
What is one year of Croncast worth to you?
That is one 32nd of a server payment
Wrapping Kris in postal tape to make cleavage
And Betsy will sell access online
What to do with the show
Have all the girls . . . women that Kris dated
Especially when they bring their 30 year old kids
Gotta keep Kristine in tube tops
Made from truck tire tubes
Sapp Bros. on the corner of Plank Road and I-80
With my hot coffee came a hot flash of snatch from Mr. B's past
Something nasty probably happened to your coffee
Which one was this? What! Which truck stop ho was this?!?!?
We ate the truck stop all the time . . . either there or hardies
Who was she?
She's the one who grew up and worked at a truck stop
So what do you bring with you from your youth?
The chicken chute checker
Besides your emotional baggage
These are Kris's jeans from 20 years ago
We had bunk beds
No I didn't have the Outerspace mattresses
We had cheap bunk beds
The kinds you could take apart
Cutting the legs with a chainsaw to make them level
This way . . . two equal beds
Happy belated birthday brother, though you don't listen
Karma was kicking Kris's ass this last week
Even today it has been harsh
It must have been the poking of Unitarians
Well, Mr. B . . . I washed and dried your video iPod
Yep
It looked normal for a second then it started to crackle and the screen turned white
I wasn't going to tell you
Hey, kick me while I'm down . . . one in a long line of things
Life altering events all week long
Well now Mr. B you can run down to Wal-Mart and get a foPod
I'm sorry that karma is kicking your ass . . . but my week has been awesome
Let me check my watch for the karma shift
(What ensues are short show notes for a great Betsy story. Watch the beverage drinking in public . . . I kid you not.)
Betsy turns her mom out . . . garage sale style
Little deaf dog in a bike trailer for grammy
Cruising the McMansion subdivisions an Saturday
It's a Schwinn not a Burly
Another Dutailier Glider
Somebody's baby is stealing all those shoes . . . oh Gigi

Send your support: $50 bucks gets you an autographed Goodwill mug. More amounts to come.

This money, btw, is going to server costs to keep the show up and running.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Dutailier Glider Sapp Bros I-80 karma kicking my ass McMansion subdivisions support the show

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:19:58 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-27.mp3
Show: #355
Length: 31:51
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 27, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

I did touch your garage sale money today though
Gigi wanted to pick it all up
The dog could have eaten it
I would make you pick it up Mr B
It could have happened
That's Betsy's baby
Since she's become a more cognizant being
Kids reach that certain stage where they are different
Before two they are like blank Play-Doh
Liking babies more than toddlers
Almost like you have a pal
You're busted baby!
Except I'll have boundaries and rules
Right, at garage sales even if Maggie sees it first it is still Momma's
The parental manipulation
Talking your way out of a speeding ticket
He broke the Smith law
Betsy joining the the Russian Court of Assassination
It is behavior based
He's a repeat offender
Lead footedness . . . does it make me a bad human being?
Yes, it does Mr B
Life is flexible
I feel sorry for you
The better manipulator you are the more successful you'll be
Betsy using her cunning at garage sales
You are asking the world to be flexible and then you get on my case
Doing it up for the home owners association
Betsy steps in to run the garage sale
The pestering late comers
Betsy attempts to will other garage sale posse to knock on doors before they open
Her own garage sale breakdown
Sold 200 things and made $100
Grumpy no food in the house husband showing up
Selling all of your crap that didn't sell on eBay to other people who think they scored a sweet item for resale on eBay
If it has been here for three months and I hadn't touched it . . . it went in the sale
Yes I sifted through your stuff while you were gone Mr B
Recording all the addicted garage salers
They have already made the decision to ruin there own lives
Tailorbyrd shirts from Mr B . . . one will end up on eBay
Someone can buy it Kris and use it as an afterglow mop
We've thought about how to make money with the show for a while
Solution . . . the tip jar shall return

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Naperville garage sale lead foot Smith Law Betsy Smith Kris Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:12:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-23.mp3
Show: #353
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 23, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

This is a production of Palegroove Studios
You are the Junque Queen
They are investments Mr. B
You are pathological baby
Back when you took part in the plan
Watched the man
I am, I spent the entire day with the kids today
It has to do with the desire for you to part with your junk
How many times have you shopped alone?
Walking in to Goodwill and not knowing what you are going to find
I don't need another stuffed animal
That isn't what I said psycho-pants
Betsy forgets that she just told me something else
I'm fat because of you
You're going to be down here in a wife beater and a jogging bra Mr. B
Kris mowed the yard for the first time in two years
Turning dog poop in to confetti
Kris wore sandals to pick up Elliot and his feet were reflecting light
Last year you were a crazy workaholic
You took this new job to work less and it ain't so
When you turn over rocks that stuff doesn't look good
Mr. B you are the stuff under the rock
It's a problem because I say it is . . . you got to get out of the basement
It will be funny till you get diagnosed
Kris is going to Boulder on Tuesday
When I leave the house I go far away . . . it makes up for not going anywhere
Reference back to Jeanie's pee bomb story from her driving days
My work now is not like it was before
Closing up shop at the end of the day
I have to be there and if I'm not they think I'm not working
Kristopher! If they ping you at 2 am you would ping them right back
I love my phone
What they really want to hear about is my excellent weekend
The holidays don't mean a thing in junk . . . the first nice weekend it the best ever
Betsy needs all the karma trades she can get
Outside the donations box are two strollers
The "if you are a patriot you will donate something for retarded children box"
Betsy rationalizes and does the deed
- This is a great story -
Picking Elliot up from church on Earth Day
The wizard jedi master knight pope the 4th is there is his hooded wizard clothes
Don't you lock eyes with people and think this person is just like me
I don't want the hooded people at all
Don't twist my robe, I'll put a spell on you
Both the kids fit in to church
Gigi is a humanist and Elliot is way into it
The doll house wrap up
Thanks to Nicole Simon for the heads up on the broken feed

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
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Tags: Palegroove Studios donation boxes Nicole Simon junque queen psycho pants peg perego

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 07:23:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-20.mp3
Show: #352
Length: 32:27
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 20, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

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Kris will respond, Betsy won't
"I respond, I email them back"
My night story 10 times better
Kris spent 2 1/2 hours creating a mobile browser database
Much better than Betsy's story . . . not really
Betsy went to a comedy club
Could we have 50 in the basement to do a live show?
Not unless they were quite intimate with one another
Can't mess with the Bunco people
It was a different kind of experience
Thursday night was Ladies Night at the comedy club
The audience . . . Naperville Mommies
The joke about the rabbit . . . Sex and the City reference
Robin gets rolling with Betsy
They begin to party on their own while the show is going on
My husband Rick always wants to heckle the person on stage
"Betsy, does a radio show with her husband, a podcast in their basement. And it's really funny."
It's on now . . . you interrupted my show . . . get up here
Betsy holds back on stage
Before she leaves the club she asks about renting it out
We could have a celebrity guest on the show . . . Gary Shilts
The TV crews were rolling when they taped us
Betsy has never really done a full-blown Betsy ramble on the show
She's come close
There is something in the full Betsy ramble that is indescribable
I don't want mom and her deaf dog there
Why do you need me?
You have to edit it Kris
Blog posts to ensue from Betsy
"Reasons to own a Deaf Dog: The greatest experience of my life."
She really thinks her name is Stomp Stomp
She has to feel the vibrations
I know what your book about it . . . replace "dog" with "husband"
I am going to pierce your ears again Mr. B
The church ladies call Gigi grumpy
Kris is going to back and set them straight
Maggie's speech evaluation
As a parent where did you go wrong?
Talking like this in 4th grade will get her check minus
Christina Aguilara for Christians The Spew, Naperville The Comedy Shrine Naperville comedy club

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Croncast Cronies Naperville Mommies Bunco Robin Klau The Spew deaf dog

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 16, 2007

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 09:14:00 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-16.mp3

Show: #338
Length: 15:35
Size: 10.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 16, 2007

There comes a time for everything. This show is one of the shows from the night we recorded seven because of the weird vibe we had going. That and Betsy blew me away by crossing a new line.

What is marmalade?
It's fancy jelly, Kris
My entire body is made of fancy jelly
You're like lamb jelly
When you boil meat stuff floats to the top
I'm sure you can spread it on toast
I'm still plugging away at this business Mr. B
It is a number of things
You can ask me to do a lot of crazy things but I will never say you are right
You are no longer a purse company
Baby, please don't do this
Bears, listen to me
I have three new business ideas
I would like your feedback on a number of things
Do they sell purses?
Fancy diaper bags
The word of the show is "fancy"
I'm putting it in terms that you can understand
Selling all the kids stuff
This purse bitch in Florida is driving me crazy
She lives right next door to the exact same outlet mall
She is the only person doing it and undercutting me
Selling her shit for a penny
The bag full of kids clothes
Sweating it out during the middle of summer
He likes seconds on cereal, he'll be a XL by summer
eBay sellers not welcome at this sale
It's not illegal to show up
Just don't have to tell them
There's a small catch
This bag, the Madison and Friends bag is $250
But Gigi would be smoking . . . she needs some Diesel jeans
No McKids for our babies
Listen, our kids are so Goodwill'ed out that they aren't even at the McKids level yet
Your taste is his taste . . . and Gigi's taste? Nobody's taste
She is the only 2 year old that dresses like Phylliss Diller

8:00 mark . . . Betsy's hits her stride with the show killer. Aside, this was recorded maybe a week before This American Life released a show chronicling people doing exactly this. And Betsy got an "I told you so!"
The murder McMansion
A little Ajax we can flip that bitch
I know it's got an office . . . that's where they were all found
Oh, baby.

Tags: Phylliss Diller McKids eBay purses ebay sellers not welcome Madison and Friends bag

Looks like we're on for Monday

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 06:30:42 -0600

Well, for the first time in a long time life got in the way of doing a show. I feel dirty for not knocking out a show yesterday but a new reality set in by not getting it done.

That reality? Baby Maggie, working from home and party preparation are not a conducive mix making 30 minutes of Croncast time.

But it does not matter . . . we'll be back on Monday like usual to make the world right again.

Tags: Croncast Kris Smith Betsy Smith Palegroove Studios Gigi

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 07:41:26 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-17.mp3

Show: #328
Length: 29:50
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 17, 2007

Betsy starts the laughing early in the intro
What are you doing?
Kris isn't it about time you go to work
So, um it is day three and I already can't stand the site of you
I might rent you office space
Roll some orange extension cord out to the shed
You're monitor is so bright
Lift up your man boobs and let me see if there is a tan line
It's all been subterranean
The meat loaf made everyone sick
No, Mr. B it didn't
Carla got it
It is the 'socially unacceptable flu'
My insides are liquefying
What these people would look like in Banana Republic
Betsy has no personal space this week
Even if Elliot's skin is falling off tomorrow he's going to school
So this was problem . . . you in the basement taking up all this space
Elliot, Gigi, Zeus, Mom and Betsy all in the same space
Hey Kris, could you . . . and you disappear
Now the conversations are what the phone calls used to be at the office
She walks down and face to face
When are you going to be gone at your conferences
They are mini geek vacations
I'm really busy . . . and the you need to get the fuck out of here look
I don't have that look
Yeah you did Dough Boy
The mountain time zone difference
I'm trying to match the schedule
But I just started Betsy, it takes time
I should make you punch in and out Bears
The laundry, well the process of what it takes to get the laundry done
Betsy tells the story of Tiffany the chow
Making my way from the basement to the executive bathroom on the second floor
Maybe you and Maggie could go and get a job shoveling snow
I have had two jobs for the last 3 years . . . that isn't what I am telling you
Can you tell me the hours of my job?
Wind it down, yes I am
Why call 911 when giving birth?

Tags: subterranean husband Banana Republic flu smelly dog dough boy get out look

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 15, 2007

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 06:54:42 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-15.mp3

Show: #327
Length: 29:45
Size: 20.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 15, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Daniel Broad.
Daniel may be trying to kill me
"Tomorrow, your close call with crumpets," Betsy
The audio fidelity of Croncast
I'm a free man
No more corporate job
Now I can talk all the shit I want about my office mates . . . Betsy, Elliot, Gigi
And since you're my wife no sexual harassment suits
But if you keep up with the broken monitor thing
You go this geek cry baby phase
The water cooler moment
I hope this isn't how our conversations aren't going to be
Today starts podcasting job full time
Where did that weird conversation guy go
The new monitor screen is brighter than the sun
This monitor makes Kris happy
The screen real estate . . .
It is shooting geek happy rays from the screen
Gateway is working to chemically alter nerds
Elliot vs. the salmon
Kris, "Maybe tomorrow we can look for salmon flavored candy . . . salmon flavored yogurt."
Elliot, "I am going to puke."
Vomitus a lotus commences
Fish floater story
Do fish really have floaters
I never did eat the brussel sprouts as a kid
The sound of the electric knife
That is how I knew it was time to eat at Grandma's during the holidays
Betsy is sick and so are the kids
The foreigners are trying to kill me
That four letter word that starts with 's' that drives Betsy . . . sale
Betsy can't find a sales person
The bar stool dance
Now the German chocolatier are after Kris
Choked with a Riesen chocolate
Pluses of being a chubster, strong throat hole
Evidently I hadn't been breathing for a bit
Sunday night is back for HBO with Rome

Tags: Elliot vs. salmon screen real estate fish floater Riesen candy Rome on HBO

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 27, 2006

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 07:27:18 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-27.mp3

Show: #319
Length: 21:18
Size: 13.9 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 27, 2006

Today's show is brought to you by Jennifer Rush. Thanks Jennifer!

Short show notes . . . Gigi woke up about half way through the show and we end it a bit early. So you get about 2/3'rds of a regular show.

Don't forget about my man
Kris is funny like codfish
Arch enemies slash co-workers at Goodwill
It is a cart
This is not your field of expertise . . . stand back
Pit stained shirts
She comes out with a coat
Like hitting a coal vein
She has to brag that she found a Burberry coat
Rumple Snatch meet Virginia Slim
Betsy is worried that she is going to become the crazy hoarder chick
She has a disease that makes her collect things
Intermission
What is wrong with men . . . American men
The questions we ask our ladies
Probably one of the worst search terms that got our show as a result

Tags: Burberry coat Jennifer Rush Rumple Snatch Gigi Virginia Slim

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 11, 2006

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 07:17:53 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-11.mp3

Show: #312
Length: 32:16
Size: 22.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 11, 2006

There is no laughing only coughing
The three times intro
Mommy isn't going to sell it
Betsy spends the day potty training with Gigi
Hugging the toilet
Grabbing the diaper
Maggie passed 'yes' for 'yeah'
I got a coupon for the Avenue
The first day of potty training sucks
Is there a doggy door for shoe salesmen?
Betsy gets her Build a Bear Mumbles the penguins
She got them stuffed
Gotta think about the busy moms
"Santa brought you a fucking deflated stuffed animal."
Getting it in the mail 30 years later . . . it smells like home
Marlboro the penguin
Heap of Mumbles
He won't let Betsy pick up the stuff she bought for the man
Buying frozen burritos by the case
Her friends are in the TV
Betsy is watching the snaggle tooth
Betsy is taking charge
Unless you are shipping a python or a wild boar then you select yes
Betsy can't handle when people mess with the Post Office shipping kiosk
It won't fit on the same site as the address
The human doesn't read the bar code!
Are you sure?
Matching coats for the baby and her doll
The Jo Anne Fabric
Who makes their clothes any more?
Tie the fleece together to make a blanket

Tags: frozen burritos Gigi potty training Build a Bear Mumble Jo Anne Fabric

Tuesdays are a wash

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:51:20 -0600

Feeling good while feeling ill is my motto for the night. I have one more NFL podcast for Joe Jurevicius to produce tonight and then it is a wrap on them 'til next Tuesday.

Next up is a Croncast for tomorrow but it might be a short show . . . Gigi woke up and daddy is still dragging (see feeling ill from the first sentence).

I think this was supposed to be a yipee/jump for joy post. Yes, yes it was . . . I mean it is.

Tags: feeling ill joe jurevicius alltel circle podcast Gigi

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 06:40:56 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-04.mp3

Show: #309
Length: 32:42
Size: 22.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 04, 2006

Still a bad voice for Kris
Is today December 4th?
Don't ask me I'm a house wife. I lost track of time back in 2000 when I quit my job
I feel like an emphysemic grandfather
Esophageal lipo-sculpting
The man pit is the greatest addition to our house ever
The dog cleans up what is edible
Push down pop-up phenomena applied to basement
Slaughtering Grimace to harvest his flesh for couch coverings
I know have TV in the man pit thanks to Costco
No I just need a refrigerator
I'm not blowing fuses
I'm no sure Elliot wouldn't stick Gigi in it
"Everyone needs 3 pits"
I would smell even sweeter
The reason I don't exercise is for the smell
Corn oil would flow out of my pours
Evidently, we have helped John Elway end his relationship with Autonation (Thanks NCN)
We blew apart their self-esteem
The didn't want to be associated with Slowsky any more
Slowsky still for sale at the local dealership
Someone should buy it and make it their home
"If you were in here you'd be home!"
Betsy has no relationship with music
"You had to had music at some point in your life that has helped you," Kris
"No," Betsy
Only you Mr. B
Zoning out the world
Goodwill is Betsy's music
Erdich numbers could be turned into Resale Queen numbers
This week's finds . . . Starr, yes with two r's

There are more show notes but I need to go and change a stinky diaper.

Tags: Starr Barbie Costco TV John Elway Dodge Lego Star Wars Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 07:50:15 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-27.mp3

Show: #306
Length: 36:06
Size: 24.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 27, 2006

Here with the two things that must happen: draining water and my American baby
Equating 'Christian' to all Christians including the scientists and the evangelicals
Betsy was interviewed by the Christian Science Monitor
Coming off the pseudo holiday vacation
The big plate
My Fiestaware is full
Betsy sort of regrets doing the CSM interview
"I wasn't quoted that accurately"
Yes you were
The demand and filling it . . . pimps could use the same line of reasoning
Betsy is not the evil resale queen of eBay
This is what they said about you
"Smith probably won't be one of the big spenders"
That will be on tombstone
It was true . . . but it made me sound like . . .
The toy experts think that is is stupid
Betsy says the same thing except she'll still sell you one
Kris thinks it was a window into Betsy
I'll suggest an article about workaholic daddies
"My life is tough"
In the trenches with 6 year old
Hanging with family on the holiday
Are they bating me or is this a real topic?
Your parents knew . . . just chose to ignore it
The destination Grizzly Jack's
Betsy wants the pool to open at 6 am without lifeguards
"Chubb rub down the water slide" all night
The ultimate buy your kid a popsicles and a beer for yourself
Wisconsin right here in Illinois
The greatest Italian beef sandwich of all time
Waiting in a restaurant with 3 babies and a toddler
"It's good cause it's spicy"
Baby, that was hot Oscar Meyer beef processed in a factory
You may die tomorrow but just eat it
Was I as a kid it tasted different
Kris was 19 before he ever had Chinese
It's the same stuff you eat everyday, just chopped up smaller
Betsy has to bring up my mom, thanks
The Little Tikes Activity Garden that was sold out from underneath Gigi
Yes, yes . . . please leave now
There's two things at work here
Betsy's humor out of context with her body language and affect missing she comes off harsh
Kris isn't sure that he knows that person
Betsy says that Kris is shoving Betsy into fame two hands on her fanny
"Why don't you just let me dumpster dive and raise your children. That's all I want to do."
Weekend discoveries
We saw The Black Keys Saturday night
It's not the same song
A man singing about himself and his peanut butter sandwich
Kris goes deep
Betsy nominates Kris to be neighborhood Santa
Kris takes it personally
Betsy, "I thought you had the body type for it."

Tags: Fiestaware Christian Science Monitor Grizzly Jack's Grand Bear Resort Peru Pizza House The Black Keys