Mexico | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 2: Tijuana Jellies, Rent a Goat, Living Through Kids

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:27:16 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-07.mp3
Show: #477
Length: 33:02
Size: 22.7 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: TBD. Stop by and buy them a drink or two!

It's like having naked people on web site
Sure, it is nerd porn
If you had a math site
You could put up a really hot formula
Don't open your eyes it will make it real
Big weekend and Betsy alone time
I found out alone time is overrated
I love the kids but I didn't miss them
Normally when I am alone, I am with Vicky
That means you are not alone
You guys spend too much time together
Something like that
Betsy you watch Vicky
Security has your picture up on the wall
Did I ever tell you about Vicky almost being kidnapped?
No, you never have
But it explains a lot about your relationship
Vicky is going to get a goat if she moves to Virginia
That's is like having a girlfriend in Canada
"I have a goat in Virginia"
Rent a goat
Yeah, they call them petting zoos
I just want a goat petting zoo
Tell me about the kidnapping story
Was my mom baby sitting you?
Vicky was in the cart
I was cramped and pushed in underneath
I looked like a giraffe in a VW
She is 2 1/2 and you are 7 1/2
This woman grabs Vicky
But she is stuck
You know how kids get stuck in carts
Sure maneuvering them out
She was panicking and pulling
My mom lost her mind
What are you doing the whole time
I was like whatever
The woman runs out of the store
My mom's first reaction was to yell at me
Not call the cops
I gotta sit down so low to see the cereal
I don't know what it is
Get the hell over it
You are crazy
Your sister must think once a week what my life would have been like
Divorced with two kids
Lifetime movie moments
Jesus Christ, you look like a victim, suck it up
Mom picks up Vicky and says, "Run!"
I lied about my size them
It was expensive in California
I had to wear Jelly shoes 3 sizes to small
I begged my mom at a dollar store
Sure your Tijuana Jelly Sandals
There are times when you can't afford shit
Standing in line at the Louisiana post office
So for Christmas they shipped me chameleons in a box
They arrived not alive

Tags: Jelly Shoes Mexico rent a goat parental reaction pup pup

Season 19 Ep 28: Caterpillar Eyebrows, Good Cop Bad Cop

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:56:37 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-02.mp3
Show: #475
Length: 29:23
Size: 20.2 mb
Format: mp3

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Butterfly eyebrows vs. Caterpillar Eyebrows
Like a monarch flying to Mexico
I got invited to the beard appreciation group on flickr
Oh, no Mr B
I thought it was a manly man thing
Yes, it was very manly
Betsy, you have to quit calling me 'Bears'
Please, call the people off
My queer friends, help me
It's not so bad Kris
If you loose you job we could wrap you in
We could cover your moob nipples and sell photos
It's like telling people your whole life Kris with a k
And everyone thinks you are a chick
You should let this slide
Every 5 minutes you are making another joke
I am uncomfortable with being hit on
If the strippers were hitting on me you would be freaking
There are bear strippers
Baby
I need to shave off my goatee
You dress like you are twelve
I'm not talking to you
I don't remember this story
How would he know?
Wearing the wrong size of pants
It was your fault, Betsy
You bought my pants
My needs were beyond Merona brand
The Sears catalog isn't something special
Betsy you are fighting with me instead of telling a story
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are
You didn't tell a story
I'll tell a story
This is why we don't have passports . . .

Tags: Merona Target bears irs cops sears catalog

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:58:34 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-12.mp3
Show: #421
Length: 30:19
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Tell'em all about it
This is a rocking show . . . starts slow, Betsy is sick, but fires up
Thanks Mexico Mike/Susan, seriously?
Proxy commenters need not hide
User your real information
I know who it is, Bears
Who?
You mom
She got a WebTV
Through a proxy
My perfect job would be the skipper on a boat
The skipper of a sailboat
So, I went and bought a Jamocha shake from Arby's
Now I want to throw up
Speaking of Goodwill . . . Mike and Liz just had a baby today!!!
Congratulations to the Marusin's and Poppy Ann
Wait until you get your Goodwill gift
No way Kris, I will them something nice . . . like a store display
Going to Ben Franklin to get some paint
Unless a blind person comes and runs their fingers over it no one will know
We are really talking about a $160 present
We should get them something new
Yeah, Kris, we will get them some diapers
You need not to nerd out on strollers, explain
Why don't they call it the platform stroller?
You can sit or stand . . .let's call it the platform stroller
Special place for them to hold on
They always want to stand in the cart
What kind of vitamin deficiency makes your skin fall off?
I mean like peel on your hands
One year of hands down the pants
Baby!
That is all about moisture, Kris
Maybe you need to get sick more often
Improv round two started last night for Betsy
Not just the core group, time to move on
Betsy and her ego
I love, love this class
Yeah, it is controlled psychosis
You are nuts
The crazier the people the better
Crazy people find each other
Giving off the crazy vibe
You find out later you have it in common
Kicking it at Bar Louie with my posse
I can't believe you are still going back
Of course I am
You don't want to profit from my sexual harassment?
This is your joint now . . . your cheers
They listen to the show now
My mom paid children to teach me to ride a bike
I don't know if I ever told you this before, Kris
Told me what?
I was born dead
What?
I was blue and not breathing
That explains a lot
What else you hiding from me?
Object work in improv
They reply to me . . . "It's not a radio show"
Well, let them come in and try this
That's right . . . dead air bitch
When is it a good time to bring up being born dead?
I don't know.
Who are you? Where is my wife that was born alive?
The doctor left with a blue baby
Came back with a pink baby
Don't go to Arby's and buy a Jomacha shake

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Tags: Jamocha shake Poppy Ann Marusin Goodwill improv psychosis Bar Louie

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

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Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Viva Cron for Apr. 12, 2006

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 05:34:02 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-12.mp3

Show: #214
Length: 1:00:52
Size: 41.9 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 12, 2006

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Show Notes

We did a show with our friends Greg and Lisa of Viva Podcast! You can listen to Greg and Lisa at www.vivapodcast.com. Never have we done anything like this and thought it would be fun to hook up with our podcasting homies from New Mexico.

It is a podcast mashup of epic proportions . . . maybe.

The show turned out really well, however there are audio quality and sync issues on our end due to equipment flaking out. I worked for a long time to get it back to a level of quality that you would be able to palette.

Thanks also to Greg for putting together the awesome album art for this conjunctive event.

Full show notes will be in the future.

Tags: viva podcast greg and lisa croncast viva cron green truck

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 90

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 05:28:13 -0500

Croncast - 2005-06-17.mp3

Show: #131
Length: 32:19
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 14.8 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 90

Here we go everybody, Betsy and I talk about our super white trash mecca weekend that began with a skiing squirrel in an above ground pool, the Wisconsin Dells the Tiajuana of the Midwest.

Betsy talks about her bathed in gasoline seagulls from Mexico while the baby pukes on her hand, how I will be in charge of the man and how his memories of this trip will probably be great and Betsy's will be, "Thank god I didn't have to go to the waterpark." and a short bit about how Betsy and her mom used to just call me at work and tell me they were leaving for vacation.

Listener Russ sent us this about naming pharmaceuticals;

"Vi---meaning hard ( as is Vitamins,minerals,rocks,,HARD )
Agra--meaning root ( agriculture etc...)
so ViAgra = Hard ROOT"

and Ben sent this version;

"Viagra is taken from the word "Viagraha," which means Tiger in Sanskrit."

Good thing this isn't CBS because I am not going to check these facts. Betsy and I fit Viagra, Wal-Mart and Nascar into the same 5 minutes, proof positive we've been living in the midwest forever, we get into Wal-Mart being evil and their funding of NPR shows, the darkside equivilant of this; Darth giving a free shirt to Yoda with his likeness and Yoda sporting it day and night.

Our long distance Casey Kasem shout out to Melanie from Nova Scotia, all songs being euphemisms for sex, Wang Chung? and Billy Ocean and his commercial for his song.

Tom sent in a notice that my new car was one of the top 10 "Nerdmobiles" by CNET look for the Scion xB, we talk about Betsy's love fluff and we wrap with a final story of my youth and the small town.

Tags: betsy croncast hard viagra sent