Target | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Structured Data: Follow-Up to Palegroove Blog Post

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:02:54 -0400

In the my previous post at Palegroove, "Improving your SEO with RSS in 3 easy steps," I shared some insight about how to setup your RSS feed URL's so that they are search engine friendly. After reading the post again, well, I missed explaining why search spiders like feeds so much. The answer is structured data.

PC Magazine defines structured data as, "Data that resides in fixed fields within a record or file. Relational databases and spreadsheets are examples of structured data. Contrast with unstructured data." I'm sure a future revised version will include XML or RSS ;-).

When your content is placed into feeds it has the benefit of being described by a template - structured data. It is described by elements in the feed the same as mine, CNN.com, Apple, Microsoft or anyone else with a RSS feed. RSS is the ubiquitous, defacto standard for syndication. The simplicity of RSS as a standard to describe your content's title, description, dates, content, enclosures, etc makes it a magic API for search engines, developers and database administrators. Your website doesn't do this. It is full of unstructured data.

On your site the post titles could be in a h1-6 tag, div or a legacy table cell with a style applied to it. This makes it harder for search engines to understand your content. Sure, there are insanely engineered algorithms that are in place to create associations between the content on your site and the code that is used to display it, but RSS makes it uniform and much easier for search companies to cache, categorize, rank and re-syndicate your ideas. The primary reason is that the feed describes the data types instead ot telling a browser how to display it.

So, like I said in the last post, "Treat your feeds with the same care that you do your pages," with the caveat that maybe you need to treat them better because the next iteration of the web is being built on structured data.

Tags: RSS SEO structured data feeds seo

Visit Sudan with Daniel Patterson

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:28:58 -0400

I met Daniel a few months ago and thought I would share video and links to some others from his globe trotting UN Tour. This is a great set of videos.

A little background, Daniel is the Chief New York and United Nations Correspondent / Social Media Evangelist for Talk Radio News Service and a skilled podcaster.

Tags: United Nations Talk Radio News Service Daniel Patterson Sudan truck

Season 19 Ep 28: Caterpillar Eyebrows, Good Cop Bad Cop

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:56:37 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-02.mp3
Show: #475
Length: 29:23
Size: 20.2 mb
Format: mp3

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Butterfly eyebrows vs. Caterpillar Eyebrows
Like a monarch flying to Mexico
I got invited to the beard appreciation group on flickr
Oh, no Mr B
I thought it was a manly man thing
Yes, it was very manly
Betsy, you have to quit calling me 'Bears'
Please, call the people off
My queer friends, help me
It's not so bad Kris
If you loose you job we could wrap you in
We could cover your moob nipples and sell photos
It's like telling people your whole life Kris with a k
And everyone thinks you are a chick
You should let this slide
Every 5 minutes you are making another joke
I am uncomfortable with being hit on
If the strippers were hitting on me you would be freaking
There are bear strippers
Baby
I need to shave off my goatee
You dress like you are twelve
I'm not talking to you
I don't remember this story
How would he know?
Wearing the wrong size of pants
It was your fault, Betsy
You bought my pants
My needs were beyond Merona brand
The Sears catalog isn't something special
Betsy you are fighting with me instead of telling a story
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are
You didn't tell a story
I'll tell a story
This is why we don't have passports . . .

Tags: Merona Target bears irs cops sears catalog

Season 19 Ep 15: KGB Training, Easy Women, The Long Haul

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:07:51 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-11.mp3
Show: #461
Length: 33:28
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

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Pick post any post
Tell me what kind of man I am
What kind of dirty man
What kind of wife walks around slovenly
You've fixed it
You look like Theo on The Cosby Show
The shirt is crazy
Right and I love it
My mom bought it from home shopping network
It is designed for a pin
It looks like a bank secretary
When these comments come in
Yeah, they come from new listeners
Do you remember the Lincoln?
Having to slide out of it shotgun style
It was always falling apart
Passing money out the door at McDonald's because window is broken
There was a lot of tension in the house early on
Years worth of tension
But the shows got better
Our lives got better
I am surprised anyone listened
I love you but my friend hates you guys
You gotta work with me people
We've gotten a lot better at telling stories
We like to deliver a good show
Hence, the word 'show'
I don't sparkle when I move
On that tip, we've been cranking out the Resale Queen
Catch up now
It's a show about topics
Not nothingness
Buy it used on eBay NIP
My improv show this week
This is your big shot
A career option
Some might call me gifted
I don't know who those people are
At a party with Betsy
She shares this all the time, "yes, I skipped a grade"
That is one of the first things people tell you
Technically what we are doing here is illegal
No money changed hands
Thank for easy women
I wouldn't have been married if it weren't for easy women
You wouldn't have been born if it weren't for easy women
There is a woman at the class who REALLY likes me
She tried to undress me during a scene
Does it make you feel good?
So we got Bar Louie and now this woman
What are you learning at improv?
First rule is to be supportive
Second is don't undress anybody
Maybe it is you
Are you sending the vibe?
No, no, no, no, noooooooo
She pulled my shirt up in front of a room of people
Audience was like ewww
Nobody wants to see my baby tummy
It looks like I was attacked by a bear
80 members?
That is not a home owner's association
I respectfully decline to go down this road
I battled with the Russian chick again
Shopping with the kids is like having a wild raccoon duct taped to your back
You get to see everyone's ankle bracelets
She took my plates
It's her KGB training
You crossed the line and should have never done it

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Homer Simpson Bar Louie Russian women Resale Queen wild raccoon

Season 19 Ep 14: International Player, Un-Unitarian, Faded Duds

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:43:31 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-08.mp3
Show: #460
Length: 31:41
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are for 2008 02 08
If you were an international player such as myself
What do you do internationally?
Podast internationally three times a week
You are an exporter baby
The air mattress can hold more money
Less filler
Thesises theses who knows . . .someone does
Mixed intro with Betsy
Comments about Kris's CB handle
I didn't have one
I was never in to it
You mean you were never allowed
Your CB would have been made of a Fisher-Price record player
It wasn't bad to the bone
When the bullet hits the bone
Different that what you think
It's a Friday . . . we gotta keep things loose
You are doing a live improv show
How do you do a "non-live" improv show?
I see, but you have to be spontaneous
You're gonna be prissy
The guy who likes to flip over chairs
You are manic
So are your people
Yeah, but you are predictable too
What do you do?
Kid who talks so much
I am bothered already
It's just stupid
No enough
I do hate improv
Ninety five percent of it is bad
Five percent is good
I don't like sitting through it to catch the good stuff
If it were tv I would change the channel
What is your next step?
I can't do it I'm 32
The younger people can do it
We'd be opening strip shows
He takes off his coat and he has my shirt on
I flipped out
But why?
How un-unitarian is it of you
To challenge your child on the gender specificity of his clothes
You should have worried more that it was your shirt
The first person that owned that messed up
The lady who bought it at Goodwill was out of their minds
Everybody gives me a hard time about my clothes
No one else gets it baby
Your 1998 pants need to be destroyed
Your stove pipe pants hearken back to grunge days
They have been sitting at Goodwill for 10 years
You rescued them from the slow ship to Africa
Those pants sang to you
I wash, dry and they fit like a glove
You are irrationally afraid of sharks and feet
Tromping around in the snow
That is the bummer part
You put on yesterday's pants
If they have yesterday's salt ring on them
That is a total bummer
I hate the midwest
I just don't care, Kris
If you won't let your kid wear it
You shouldn't wear it either
I don't consider what Elliot would look like in it
We've come a long way since we moved into the suburbs
I have been assimilated and so have you
I am not talking politics with you
People will realize that Obama has Jesus shooting out of his eyes
Let me give you a hint, baby, you are the only one who sees Jesus Check out the For Whatever Reason Podcast Produced by friend of the show Tim Alexander

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: record player Tim Alexander CB Handle 1998 pants For Whatever Reason

Thank you Mr. Edwards

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:02:03 -0500

Bryan Edwards has picked up that I am a stats junkie. This morning he sent over a link to Last.fm stats for Croncast plays.

With my stereotypically schizophrenic stats checking, I hadn't looked at the site in nearly a year. Today, it looks much better and seems to have more new features that are actually useful. Though, it does seem a bit cluttered.

If you want to track your listening habits and find other who dig your type of tunes Last.fm is one of the best sites.

Tags: statistics Last.fm Bryan Edwards Croncast

Season 19 Ep 13: The Coffee Drinker, Whip Antennae, CB Radio Booty Call

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:54:53 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-06.mp3
Show: #459
Length: 29:08
Size: 20.0mb
Format: mp3

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BigJon wanted to know who "The Coffee Drinker" is
Suspense, I don't how we did it
The Coffee Drinker background
Has something to do with CB Radios
The big whip antennae's on trucks
If you had two you were the shit
So some ladies would come on night and ask for "The Coffee Drinker"
We thought it might be a kid like us
A sophisticated kid drinking Folgers with their folks
Could have been the farmers having coffee
Water and syrup falls on ice in cup
Too much for a small town person to handle
Yeah, you need training to run the fountain soda dispenser
The old guys brought in a scanner
The Coffee Drinker wouldn't reply back
Of course he wouldn't
Kris, you need some help
Get yourself something nice when I don't talk
Cruising around in the morning
How do you know who his kid is?
Bill had some issues
He had rebel flag stickers on his car, no one really liked him and he listened to too much AC/DC
He says, that The Coffee Drinker was his dad
His dad tilled my garden every year
Is that why you are the way you are?
Maybe I should have said tilled my mom's garden
You gotta use the lingo
Smokey and the bandit style
A CB radio booty call
It's not the one that you are thinking of
They are like nannies
Small town = "Not my business"
I think I need to resurrect this story
You can't just end there
You have to come with conviction
Your car won't want to stop
These people just let life happen to them
Until something forces them to move on
No lapping waves at their shore
Lots of driving around happens
He pulled you over because he wanted to talk to you
Where I'm from men can't do that
You're with that Smith boy, ain't you
Johnny law vs. the high school kids
Typical
They don't have any training
This is how you hit'em with the yellow pages
This is how you hit'em with the white pages
He was throwing the beers out the sun roof
Straight up in the air
The cop is dodging our beer cans
You left a trail of beer crumbs for him to follow
It was late at night they could have been anyone's beers
There were a lot of drunk bunnies and chipmunks the next morning
What should you do in that situation?
Full circle in your life would be becoming the town cop

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: CB Radio The Coffee Drinker rebel flag stickers drunk bunnies sun roof

Interviewed by Podcast Free America

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:59:00 -0500

Ryan Irelan of Podcast Free America has started a new series of "interviews with podcasters and new media producers about the stuff they do to make their podcasts great."

Ryan punched my ticket over the weekend and released the interview yesterday, "Inside Look: Kris Smith of Croncast".

We talked a little about the show and its origins, gear and quite a bit about RSS. I can't get enough of the RSS talk.

Look for some more interviews of other long-time podcasters in the future from PFA.

Thanks to Ryan for letting me ramble on!

Tags: PreSonus Sony Sound Forge Ryan Irelan Podcast Free America RSS

Season 19 Ep 12: Shoe Thief, Mini Bike, Off the Compound

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:14:12 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-04.mp3
Show: #458
Length: 30:15
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

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Super short show notes
What turned Kris into Kris
They had addresses in my town
I could start my mini bike
What was your helmet made out of?
Helmet? Who are you kidding
Gravel, feral cat drag strip explains a lot
You shouldn't tell people that
It's ok cause I got two babies
You should be doing man kegels
The story of how you came to live on the corner by the highway
Bondo is the smell of my childhood
Writing you diabolical plans on the side of a semi truck isn't a good idea

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: mini bike personal space shoe theft semi truck art feral cats

Season 19 Ep 11: Walzer A., Buffalo Days, The Coffee Drinker

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:51:22 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-01.mp3
Show: #457
Length: 26:13
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

About the Wednesday show
We were recording and the phone was ringing off the hook
Call from Walzer A
So this is Wednesday's show
Yeah, it was your sister calling
Brother-in-law lost his job
And the three mother hens showed up at his house
I did not envy him at all
It is getting more and more crowded in this boat
Your mom told you that you need to take care of this
I couldn't think of a more depressing situation
I wouldn't have come home
I would have went out at 8 am and got a beer
Where? This isn't Milwaukee
I would have waited that shit out
You are telling me that I am a born leader
I was telling myself that I glad you all weren't here
This is how it goes down in my dysfunctional family
My entire life I have had to be the man
What?
You shoveled in the middle in a snow storm
You can't even tell you shoveled
Doing it repeatedly doesn't make sense
At 4:30 am our neighbor fired up his snow blower
Ridiculous
Some men wake up with motivation, Kris
What would you do if it were a chainsaw?
Then he started cutting down trees
Well, hell he was motivated
Oh, baby
I tossed pup pup in a snowbank
What for?
To send to the TV station
Are you serious?
Well, I did send it
The auto response email was "Thanks for sending to KABC 7 Los Angeles"
Your snowy dog will be on in LA
You dogs suck
Jorge would be restricted to humane society
Ass end up in a garbage can
That is what we should have called the Resale Queen show
Yesterday, I almost slipped and died
Good things that dumpsters are heavy
How come they don't shovel by them?
I am going to open Dumpster Land
A theme park for you and your people
The dangers that you face everyday
It can't be packing peanuts
There is no Calvin pissing on nothing
What stickers would the truck have?
Did the new trucks ever roll out to La Moille?
I though i shouldn't ask because it would be sad
There was a time that they did come out
No one can tie a knot in this town
Ending up in the county jail
Swanson's baby
Onions in the peas
They came to town for Buffalo Days
The quaint small town festivals in movies, lies
There's no tax base to support that
Basketball game in a gravel pit
I grew up across from a buffalo pasture
Did you ride buffalo instead of ponies?
Did they chain them to a claw foot tub to slow them down?
From kindergarten to graduation at 14
Let me run the tilt-a-whirl
I would be right there
Ending up with a corn cob in his bibs
Might be dangerous but in a small town that's fun
Being pulled on sled behind cars
Watching the console in a lawn chair
I have sat in the back of a Chevy and bounced across fields
We didn't do donuts in a Wal Mart parking lot
It was a small town
Ok, K-Mart
That would have been a 30 mile commute
I know you rode in the back of a pickup truck on the way to a K-Mart
Yes, I did
CB radios in those days, figuring out who the coffee drinker was
Your mom would have a handle

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: buffalo snowy dog LaMoille Resale Queen sledding

Season 19 Ep 10: Rough Stop, Danger Here, Mongoose Chow

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:03:20 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-28.mp3
Show: #456
Length: 25:57
Size: 17.9mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Really short show notes today

Old school send email intro piece
You can stare to long at a boa constrictor
Feeding mongoose baby ducks
Yes, we shouldn't have entered the bathroom
A huge chunk of snow hit him on the head
Maggie stopped her fall with her face
No I didn't say take her to the emergency room
Yes you did, like 10 times
You'll do anything for a trip to the emergency room
You grew up in there

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: mongoose Lincoln Park Zoo baby chicks caution tape hep c

Apple Affiliate Program, Giving It Another Shot

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 11:47:16 -0500

I have no clue why I am giving the Apple Affiliate Program another shot. When you look at the numbers you will think I am crazy for trying again. I just can't get passed the fact that they sell a ton of iPods, MacBooks and now the MacBook Air and that we could possibly make a couple bucks from it.

Last year we were paid $0.00 by Apple after running a pretty aggressive campaign on Croncast and Resale Queen and in our RSS feeds. There is no way that in hades that not one single individual didn't buy the item they clicked on from the online Apple store in the 3 month span we ran the ads. It is illogical to look at the numbers (first table) and think that not one items was purchased from the online store within the cookie expiration period.

Advertiser	Commissions	S_Amount	Items	Sales	Leads	Clicks	Imps	CTR
eBay	$ XX	$ XX	47	598	84	351,500	59,514	590.61
Apple Store US & Apple Store Canada	$ 0.00	$ 0.00	0	0	0	218	31,192	0.69

Here's where we are in the last 4 days since I started running a couple ads in Betsy's Resale Queen feeds: blog posts and her podcast feed. The ads are for iLife '08 and the new MacBook Air. They are placed after the post item content and before the post tags.

Advertiser	Commissions	S_Amount	Items	Sales	Leads	Clicks	Imps	CTR
eBay	$ XX	$ XX	3	105	6	26,354	4,949	532.51
Apple Store US & Apple Store Canada	$ 0.00	$ 0.00	0	0	0	57	82	69.51

The clicks and impressions both are higher than I would have expected but maybe I did better targeting of the audience this time around. I doubt it. I think I was dead on during October, November and December to run iPod ads for shuffle, nano and video iPods.

I did contact the Apple Affiliate program through CJ during the second month to ask what the issue might be and never received a response.

For some reason I feel a need to go through with this again and hope that we can get our payout on a purchase from a lead that we created. I'll let you know how this goes.

Anyone else have experience with the Apple Affiliate Program?

Tags: MacBook Air iLife 08 Apple Affiliate Program Commission Junction eBay affiliate

Twitter background guidelines

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 10:21:12 -0500

Ever wanted to make an interesting Twitter background? Here's how I did it.

Side note: This post comes to you straight from an email reply to fellow long-time podcaster Michael Geoghegan in regards to my Twitter background.

Also of note, this layout works best on higher res monitor settings. I imagine that most active Twitter users that are going to be viewing the site as opposed to sms or mobile versions are on high res settings. That said, let's roll.

Creating your background
-----------------------------

File Dimensions: 2048 px by 1707 px (no clue why i used these dimensions but I am sure I knew what I was doing at the time)
Branding Dimensions: 80 px by 587 px
Coordinates: X=20, Y=14
Horizontal position: 20 px from the left (give yourself some padding)
Vertical position: 14 px from the top (will line up your graphic with the top of the twitter logo. our eyes like symmetry) File size and type according to Twitter: "Images must be smaller than 800k. GIF, JPG, PNG."

Aesthetics
------------

Color palette: Pick colors that match that with default Twitter stylesheet colors. If they contrast too much follow the Change Background directions above and change the colors for Text, Name, Link, Sidebar fill and Sidebar border as needed.
Recommendation: Choose colors that work with the default and save yourself the headache of matching the CSS to your image. Follow Twitter's lead.

Uploading your background
------------------------------

Change Default Background: Login and click 'Settings' >> click 'Design' >> Select 'Use my custom style below' radio button >> Upload your image

It took me quite a bit of time to get a background image that I was happy with. There was a lot of editing and uploading again, and again until I got it right. I would suspect if you're like me your experience will be much the same. So have patience when getting it just right. And remember that you are working within someone else's website and can't control all the features.

Update: This is the background that I based this tutorial on - Croncast background all by itself if you want to use it as a guide.

Here's my current background at work (note: it is now free-form) - http://twitter.com/croncast.

Tags: template size twitter background Michael Geoghegan twitter

Pepsi Super Bowl Commercial Bob's House

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 12:42:22 -0500

Tim gets it right in his post "The Stuff Super Bowl Ads Are Made Of" when he says,

It truly has the stuff that Super Bowl Ads are Made of and looks like it will be one of the most talk about ad campaigns of this Super Bowl Season.

Wanna see it?

As Tim mentions in his post there is quite a back story here of how this commercial came about. It was originally produced by a few PepsiCo employees that are part of the EnAble group. Their version wasn't very Hollywood but very effective as a treatment or proof of concept because the story is told so well.

Look for some more buzz and talk in the next few weeks about this commercial as well as follow up videos.

How would I know? I mentioned on a podcast that I had a consulting gig that changed focus, right? Well, the team that is working this inside Pepsi and the digital team at a NYC agency are at the top of their game and will give this campaign legs beyond this one ad.

Tags: deaf sign language joke EnAble PepsiCo Super Bowl

Season 19 Ep 9: Casey's Bags, The Breakups, Groups of two

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:44:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-25.mp3
Show: #455
Length: 26:05
Size: 18.0mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

You know the comments have been light
You haven't been on Kris
People said they loved the mono story
But that shit was a total downer, Kris
You can't keep going parking with those ladies
I lived out every Bruce Springsteen song, ever
Small town birth control: Casey's bag
Some hostess snowballs and a bag
You date leans over and says thanks for the birth control
Who wants to buy condoms from their conservative cousins
She thinks you got long johns and condoms
We actually went out together
Sure I hadn't left in two weeks
It snowed a foot of snow and the road was open
Our driveway looks like a demolition derby
Still has your parked car on it
I had a dream about running for Treasurer in Naperville
We won't be selling the car
Betsy, right now
Small web job saved it for now
The big things are next
Things are turning around for you Mr B
We went to Silicon Prairie
I hate that name
I love it, Kris
It could be changed to Farm Hand Geeks
Or even Country Coders
The had Rock Band and that was fun
Sure, Dave Bost and Larry from Microsoft were there
They are Microsoft Evangelists
Why don't you have an xbox?
I don't spend money on games
Get a rhumba from Goodwill
They're charging more than eBay
It's even first generation
So you get on Rock Band
My first band broke up during the first song
You guys sucked
But then you moved to the lead singer
You nailed it
Do you have "Short, short man by 20 fingers?"
You have such a love for old school Chicago house
The same drum
Can I clue you in to rock
The same song for the last 30 years
It's like ick, Kris
House music is all about feeling good
Did your mom just happen to be on street corner in Davenport, IA?
It's not a boob without nipple
Yeah, it's all cleavage without it
Not really
Good, when I see you come on stage I hate you
Better, to know that you hate yourself too
Now lets have some fun
New curriculum for ever class
That is not the school you want to go to
Betsy, you are too dirty
Yeah, news flash
I have all these shows for you to point out what's wrong with me
My checklist is all filled in
Tomorrow: Resale Queen Podcast by 9 a.m. CST
Topic: What you need in your resale kit
Shout out to Yoosun Lee in NYC

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Rock Band Silicon Prairie Dave Bost Microsoft Evangelist Davenport

Season 19 Ep 8: Improv Tonight, Private Caller, The Skank is the Hero

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:06:50 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-23.mp3
Show: #454
Length: 29:15
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Short show notes today. We plowed through and finished the show but it was tough today.

Notes:
I thought you had a great life lesson
You wouldn't let me finish
You need to find her and tell her
Your tongue led you down the right path
Thank you for being a skank
Your loving put me on bed rest for months
It gave me time to think

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: bmx private caller improv mononucleosis small town medicine

Season 19 Ep 7: Resale Queen, TV Lifting, HustleBuck

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:17:29 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-21.mp3
Show: #453
Length: 27:14
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
The first show went up Saturday
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST
Wasn't painful at all was it Mr B?
Yes, it was
It was like every first podcast
Got to get used to doing it
High I'm Betsy HustleBuck
Number 42 for the Naperville Dumpster divers
Part of Local #42 Dumpster Divers and Junkers
You should ask the people come to their houses just to pick it up
I want to buy an AmVets truckload of stuff
Sure it would save you the sifting
You could get gold bars are used Hanes
Buying a truckload?
Disturbing
Asking me where you are going to put it . . . leaves hope
It took 8 years for you to ask
Join me on the dark side Mr B
Where do I sign up to be a HustleBuck?
I had my party last Saturday
Yep, your improv people were in the house
Natural reaction is to show compassion toward animals
You enter a home and the owners are there
It is instinct to be nice to their animals
No matter what they do
Zeus was not leaving any alone
He's like a cross between a Roomba and a guest that won't leave
Yeah, he peed on her
Of course he did
She touched his ears
Her highly absorbent sock was full
Offer her a sock
What?!
Is this a McDonald's playland
You need the dog whisperer
The vet said some dogs just do that
In the animal kingdom that is a highly desirable trait
He tells you how great you are by peeing on you
You should breed him and sell them to comedians
The mess that the dog left
You were waiting to see how close I was
I am surprised you shave the back of your head
Why is that?
Because you can't see it
Unintentional dreadlocks
That is the story of my life
Kris, you take too many photos of strangers
And then you get all weird with angles
There's always a magic shot
But it is weird
Not really
You need to not rat them out to management
I have to have some recourse Mr B
Yes, you can lift the TV
Baby, I can't hold it
It was like a Tom & Jerry cartoon
If he could focus I would have asked the man
Anyone would lose faith
Maybe you did save my life, Betsy

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: roomba Resale Queen hustlebuck improv party McDonalds Playland

Season 19 Ep 6: Hire Kris, Styrofoam Cups, All Caps

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:52:39 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-18.mp3
Show: #452
Length: 28:19
Size: 19.5mb
Format: mp3

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View Kris's resume or download it

You wanted more than Wheel of Fortune?
Now you got it
Sure you want it
How to tickle a nerd?
Let us see funny stuff in our stats
From Google searches
Yeah I look for the search term
You know that your IT people got their space
They all need a little space
Evidently we are more exciting than a blue haired lot lizard
Those I dig, they were funny
I'm glad you are getting tickled
Not those industries
If I could reach a lower point in my wife's eyes . . . don't know what it is
Things couldn't be going much worse for me
Instead of life preservers I'm getting styrofoam cups
I am smiling and laughing because I know you are on cusp of something terrrible
Monday was going to awesome
Back story
Interviewing and meeting with people
Turns out they didn't want me for the job that I had applied for
We really want you
What do you want to do?
What would you want me to do if I worked here?
What does my resume say to you?
In all honesty, I haven't read it
Nice
So they loved me
For the last two months we'll get back to you
We are figuring this out
We know how to make it happen
When job hunting you are in a hurry but no one else is
The key is to not come off desperate
I asked what the culture was like
Sure I ended up over dressed
I'm applying for every job that I can
Everything and anything
Manager at Caribou Coffee, you bet
Come Monday most likely we'll be selling the Maguar
We've learned a lot over the last two years
Kris explains how his job ended
Next time all the other cats get gone
We did the best thing we could do at the time
If I would have waited three weeks I might not have had a job
We thought being proactive would be better
Betsy is keeping us afloat in food and small bills with china sales
The eBay sales have been
Listen, it even gets worse
I am fucking everything up
It's me
I'm not doing it on purpose
But it is surely me
Betsy runs her business like a busy mommy
So she gets an all caps email
Directed at the software that she sold for me
It's not my fault he doesn't get it
Oh, my God I am going to kill Kris
For this software, you have to be a nerd!!!!
If you aren't you won't even know what this software is
Not just a nerd but an audio nerd to know what Yellow Tools is
Yeah, I went after him
Not my fault he typed in all caps
Reaching pretty low lows
Wasn't listening to the Wheel shows better?
Man, this is depressing
Got a line on a gig?

Tags: styrofoam google searches low lows Wheel of Fortune interviewing

Season 19 Ep 2: Betsy's Birthday, Jeanie, Pizza Dude

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:58:06 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-09.mp3
Show: #448
Length: 28:08
Size: 19.4mb
Format: mp3

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Short show notes today . . . It's Betsy's Birthday!!
Things have been crazy here today
Special guest Jeanie (the real so late today)
Quality is a bit off for three mic set up
Sure it is a messy man pit
Betsy got the call to audition for Wheel of Fortune Chicago
Dear Intern, this is my childhood dream
Need a hookup with a sturdy llama
It's a casting call
Good luck baby
Jeanie knows what following Besty around is like
I wasn't following her for a Build a Bear
It was a Bitty Baby
No one knows the difference
That is playware
More on that January 19th
People need to know these things!
Sure they do, Betsy
Things like, your checklist for the bottom of a dumpster
The auction story gets cut short
Besty and Jeanie profess their lust for a rock star
Not sure he is a star
Jeanie went to a fundraiser with Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight
For Adrianne Curry's mom
She needs to make more money on her show
The party at the hotel
Jeanie's pizza guy dropped his stash
It was right on my foot

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Adrianne Curry Jeanie Christopher Knight Bitty Baby

Season 19 Ep 1: Big man small sled, CWI, Guilt

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-07.mp3
Show: #447
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.9mb
Format: mp3

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We're Back!!
Fake intro
New intro
New show art also
Welcome to what we're calling, 'Season 4'
We gotta keep it fresh
The show turns out to be a huge part of our lives
We interact through the show
You don't talk to me about your life
Now all you want is for me to be your 'manny' and watch the kids
We need the show for sharing with one another
Some really hilarious things happened
Painful for me
I am still in pain
You whiney monkey, hush
I get to call him out on this fakey, fakey shit
Can I tell the story?
Sure, give it your shot
You won't be able to do it
So you went to Elliot's holiday play
You left early
And guilty you should be
I had to leave!
No you didn't, you are unemployed
I'm literally being drug under a semi by you
I can't tell you about my secret he tells us
I never heard grand finale
Kris cuts out early, early
Let me tell this story
You are unemployed, you have no business
You shouldn't even look at your watch, bub
And yes, I felt guilty
So you decided to take him sledding
Let me tell this story
I go sledding with the man at 'Winter Mountain'
It's a snowboard hill near the house
It goes like this . . .
Big man on a small sled
Big man meets mogul and ground with his chest
This hill is getting bigger and bigger and Kris
Why where you sledding Kris?
You are an adult
When I landed on my side it sounded like bubble wrap popping
My chest was burning and I was out of breath
Right and you call me!!! Me!!!
I am trying to rest
You would have been better off with a Hefty back greased with Crisco
So you refuse to go to the emergency room
Days later you are still in pain
It was killing me
I was trying to be tough for my son
Kris, I put myself in danger for you
For absolutely nothing I did it
There was no red snow
You weren't dead or dying
I finally get you Urgent Care
After x-rays
Remember to take deep breaths
You have a 'Chest Wall Injury'
Kris you have a CWI!!!!
WTF, that isn't real!
I learned that I am made of dough
I am out of shape and things that moved weren't supposed to

Two news items:

1) We talked about changing up the show but couldn't come up with a format other than what we've got. So we're going to continue on until we reach our 500th show in about 5 months. If we do any shows after that they are bonus.
2) We're starting a new weekly podcast January 19th delivered every Saturday. It will be a ResaleQueen podcast focused on, well, what else but resale issues.

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Tags: Season 4 Urgent Care Hefty bags sledding CWI

Frank Keppler keeps it fresh

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:41:48 -0500

Odds are high that you have seen Frank's work if you have gone into an Urban Outfitters, Nordstrom, Target or watched a movie or television show where a character was wearing a beer t-shirt, especially a Miller brand.

Frank Keppler is a graphic designer and co-owner of Brew City Brand Apparel, the company that produced the shirt you saw. Or better yet, that I see once a month or so in a store or on TV because I know what I'm looking for. Frank's designs are commercial but his style is unique and pretty easy to spot. He finds a way to even make vintage look fresh and contemporary.

I haven't spoken with Frank in years but I love his work.

In the mid and late 90's I worked for the Keppler's in Milwaukee managing their retail stores and seasonal set-ups like Summer Fest., a few years before they were selling large wholesale volume to anyone except Miller beer distributors. As there business has grown I often look at Frank's work as an inspiration. Why? I'll damned if it isn't one of the hardest design jobs ever to have beer and Milwaukee as your only motivation for twenty years.

Tags: Miller High Life Frank Keppler Brew City Apparel Milwaukee George Keppler

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 14, 2007

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:07:23 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-14.mp3
Show: #446
Length: 3:00
Size: 2.08mb
Format: mp3

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Well guys, we're putting the wraps on 2007 and going on hiatus until January 7, 2008.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening to the show!!! Thank you for your support over the last few years, it has meant a great deal to us.

We'll be back in January all shiny and new. Have a great holiday season and happy new year!!

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Tags: Croncast Betsy Smith Kris Smith Podcast.com 2008

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 10:27:04 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-12.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 25:31
Size: 17.5mb
Format: mp3

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My stalker is back
Kris, put the shoe on the other foot
He thinks you are stalking him
I keep my eye on everyone
You are so cute when you laugh
You have the bobble body Mr B
Put it out there to the Secret
You have got to stop this Secret crap
I want to do a training series for HR professionals
How to hire a guy like me and How to hire a gal like me
Gal would be done by Nicole Simon
I need that gum scraper here at home
I have to pay the kids to clean
Elliot gets Webkinz
Listen, it is my trained earwigs
They mulch aluminum cans for me
The cafe press store, so far I have license plate frames
Here it is, shirts on the way
My dad told me white collar prison isn't so bad
Conjugal visits through the fence
We need to have a jail baby
So you can have something to look forward to
Do you mean motivation?
I never met my daddy
He and mama hug real close through the fence
You talked be out of babies
The home vasectomy reversal kit waiting for me at home
Sure, loaded with knitting needles and cat gut
More dog clothing breakdown
I actually heard from your mom that
"The veins are so close in her feet the blood would freeze her heart"
Goodwill has been picking up
My new passion is China
I just got bit by something
My trained earwigs are doing my bidding

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Tags: Webkinz The Secret china patterns conjugal visits earwigs

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:08:08 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-10.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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Betsy laughing during intro
James Brown sang "It's a Man's World"
But that's all wrong
I've seen enough previews from Showtime to know
It's a lipstick lesbians world
No, Kris, I've watched enough Lifetime TV
Betsy has 'dranken' a little much wine
My portion size is off drinking it out of a milk glass
I am not drinking wine because it is grape juice with alcohol
What?
That is like saying that I don't like Boone's Farm Wild Island
So I went to buy some wine at Costco
You can't take kids in there
You can take them in there
No way, Costco is way to shishi
They have to stand outside and scream
Man, when I was a kid my mom took us to Walgreens with her to buy booze
No way!
Yeah, she would go to get prescriptions filled
We would walk into the liquor department buy booze
Then go back to pick up the prescriptions
You need something to wash the pills down with
My grape juice didn't have pulp, Betsy
Listen to me retardo montoban
Wine and grape juice are parallel in my brain
You again agree with me
After last week's shows . . .
I won't apologize for shows anymore
But they didn't have the full funny
Elliot went on a trip with Betsy
What would Grandma want for Christmas Elliot?
Something for her 'Pitties'
What?
Those things that you ladies have that grow out of your armpits
Do you mean breasts Elliot?
Ummmmm . . . I don't know
You guys got those weird undees things that go over your 'Pitties'
Do you mean a bra?
You can't buy your Grandma a bra for Christmas
One day you start itching
Then your Pitties come out
Grandma bras on eBay
Our kids won't be having kids
Sure, Betsy
Can Kris leave the house without returning with a story?
Nope
Did you leave the house this weekend?
Yeah, I left last night
Two nerds sitting in a bar next to one another
Loud music, and communicate through twitter
I saw my friends this morning at the Goodwill opening
My video tape buyer shows up
He is great
He would be in a Thrift Score
I mentioned that I was doing some new stuff
He walked away from me
I wasn't trying to hang
I was trying to over do it
The best time to sell 9 1/2 Weeks
They will raid him and he is creepy
His wife thinks he's crazy
What are you doing wrong?
We are soul mates, Kris
Betsy's jealousy comes out
We had a hard week last week
Interviews are going great
More this week and some follow ups

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Tags: Wine Boone's Farm Wild Island Pitties James Brown Thrift Score

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 07, 2007

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:48:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-07.mp3
Show: #443
Length: 34:47
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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It's Tell a Friend Friday!
Get out there and tell somebody about the show
Leave those comments on the posts
I'm going to commission something for you for Christmas, Kris
A bronze statue?
No, a paint by numbers
There has to be a service online like that
My paint by number would be one number
Yeah, with a bucket of porcelain white paint
Your improv classes are coming to an end
Sure I got one more to go
All anxious about this job stuff
You are like a woman this way, Kris
Your puffy cuffedness blasting
My beard was all jacked up
I needed a trim
The website can't see the fact you shouldn't
No shaving it off
I do enough repulsive crap in my day
I set you up with a barber for a beard trim
It wasn't a regular barber, it was mans man barber
So anyway I went to improv
It was great, I gave up the scene
He said, you intimidate me
The stay at home intimidator
I thought should I go with Kris to the man spa
Is Kris going to end up getting a happy ending massage?
Funny you should say that, I did get a free massage
I roll in right on time
They ask me my name
He had the pencil line goatee
That weird etched on looking beard thing
Kind of like a Backstreet boys
Head back to the lounge
What do you mean?
The cigar lounge in the back
Leather couches, flat screen TV
This woman walks in
She a masseuse
Would you like a free massage?
Sure
I don't any cash, I know this isn't free
Yeah, you gotta tip
Don't you have to get out to your job at The Buckle?
Yes, I also have a degree from there
You gotta be on the inside to tell a certain type of joke
I am on this inside
She was kneeding you dough and commenting that you were buff?
That is why I was laughing so so hard
I'm slumped in front of a computer all day
My muscles are dough
It was the sales pitch
I didn't take my shirt off
This was an 'over the clotheser'
Is that on the board?
I'll take an, a . . . over the clotheser
I meet the barber
When I say that I don't have time for a shave
The barber tells me that he can't just trim my beard
Without the shave he won't do it
I felt like I was in a Larry David episode
I had to argue with this man for 10 minutes to get in the chair
"It's all about chair time"
I'm in a really big hurry
I will pay you for the chair time
No, no you won't
I tell him that I am leaving
He says, come on back, I'll do it
"But you don't understand that I don't just do dis. I do dis."
I told him that knew he was an artist but I just need a trim
It all went down horribly
I can't even show people how bad my goatee looks
Oh, it sucks
Yeah, you look really bad Mr B
It's like my bad perm but on your face
Betsy thanks Markx again for the stuff
Especially, Thrift Score Zines
Marie Down South, the thrifty stripper
Tell your friends about the show . . . it's Friday!!!

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Tags: Thrift Score beard trim masseuse Backstreet Boys Marie Down South