Unitarian | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 19 Ep 18: Hey Sugar, Maiden Warrior, Let's meet

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:22:04 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-22.mp3
Show: #464
Length: 32:14
Size: 29.8mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a while
I'm rusty
Remembering the order that I say things in
I don't use the Secret, no
You are a closet Unitarian Mr. B
No I am not
Are you a Secretologist?
She says random stuff
I'm just speaking my mind
That is what she things
Trying to get my goat
Takes one to know one
You are messing with wrong chick
She told me that she someone from my church
The woman told me she was a Humanist
Does that mean you guys are Scientologists?
You're giving away our secrets
Now you know before I say anything about Scientologists
We have a listener that meets all of Betsy's anti-requirements
We love him though
I wasn't messing with engineers, I know them
I admire the way that they think
She rolls over, I need to tell you something
She's going to tell you she tested positive for something
"My name . . ."
Your name?
"Yeah"
Yes
"Noel"
Yeah, I got it
"It means Maiden Warriors"
My engineer roommate began stirring in his loft
I taught him everything he needed to know about women
I had the scariest roommate in the entire world
I don't think you have told it, Betsy
**Note: this is one of the best stories Betsy has told on the show**
**Listen in at the 8:00 minute mark**
The alcoholic woman at the water park
She reminded me of your mom, Kris
Listers, you tell me
The text message I got was a hook-up message
No, it wasn't
I will leave it up to the listeners
Have you shared it with your friends
Yeah
What did they say?
Well . . .

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Tags: Maiden Warrior Humanist Secretologist alcoholic women

Season 19 Ep 14: International Player, Un-Unitarian, Faded Duds

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:43:31 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-08.mp3
Show: #460
Length: 31:41
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are for 2008 02 08
If you were an international player such as myself
What do you do internationally?
Podast internationally three times a week
You are an exporter baby
The air mattress can hold more money
Less filler
Thesises theses who knows . . .someone does
Mixed intro with Betsy
Comments about Kris's CB handle
I didn't have one
I was never in to it
You mean you were never allowed
Your CB would have been made of a Fisher-Price record player
It wasn't bad to the bone
When the bullet hits the bone
Different that what you think
It's a Friday . . . we gotta keep things loose
You are doing a live improv show
How do you do a "non-live" improv show?
I see, but you have to be spontaneous
You're gonna be prissy
The guy who likes to flip over chairs
You are manic
So are your people
Yeah, but you are predictable too
What do you do?
Kid who talks so much
I am bothered already
It's just stupid
No enough
I do hate improv
Ninety five percent of it is bad
Five percent is good
I don't like sitting through it to catch the good stuff
If it were tv I would change the channel
What is your next step?
I can't do it I'm 32
The younger people can do it
We'd be opening strip shows
He takes off his coat and he has my shirt on
I flipped out
But why?
How un-unitarian is it of you
To challenge your child on the gender specificity of his clothes
You should have worried more that it was your shirt
The first person that owned that messed up
The lady who bought it at Goodwill was out of their minds
Everybody gives me a hard time about my clothes
No one else gets it baby
Your 1998 pants need to be destroyed
Your stove pipe pants hearken back to grunge days
They have been sitting at Goodwill for 10 years
You rescued them from the slow ship to Africa
Those pants sang to you
I wash, dry and they fit like a glove
You are irrationally afraid of sharks and feet
Tromping around in the snow
That is the bummer part
You put on yesterday's pants
If they have yesterday's salt ring on them
That is a total bummer
I hate the midwest
I just don't care, Kris
If you won't let your kid wear it
You shouldn't wear it either
I don't consider what Elliot would look like in it
We've come a long way since we moved into the suburbs
I have been assimilated and so have you
I am not talking politics with you
People will realize that Obama has Jesus shooting out of his eyes
Let me give you a hint, baby, you are the only one who sees Jesus Check out the For Whatever Reason Podcast Produced by friend of the show Tim Alexander

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View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: record player Tim Alexander CB Handle 1998 pants For Whatever Reason

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 24, 2007

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 08:33:26 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-24.mp3
Show: #424
Length: 26:23
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 24, 2007

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Here we come for Wednesday
You can check us out at C-R-O-N-C-A-S-T dot com
You are just being a sensitive nerd
Well, since I said I was leaving Room 214
Sure people can read between the lines
People do
Yeah, and that isn't a bad thing in this case
That's your life not mine Mr B
I don't care if you are not happy, because I am
I know your life plan isn't going all that well
Karma and me are on a date called my life plan
I wrote down my goals and passed them to the Secret
Some things . . . My religion is a mix of Universalist Unitarian and the Secret
I'm halfway through my list, step back
I called Empire Carpet
You did that already
That is what I am saying
Further down on my list
I have it on every life goal list
If I didn't know you I would think you live near an abandoned rock quarry in a trailer
Tell the people what it is
I want to be a contestant on The Wheel of Fortune
And they are coming to Chicago this weekend
Oh, baby
People, send me some good vibes!
It works for cocktail party small talk
I don't think so
They'll just remember you from the convenient store scratching tickets
The prizes are good today
In the past they weren't all that good
They ran out of ceramic dogs in 1986
Vanna has it going on
You have something for Vanna?
No
Either way that is disturbing
She looks like a Bratz Doll
Now you went and messed with Karma
You are blushing
Apologies to all who have email, commented
Things have been crazy here
Chicago has millions of people and more than one convention center
On my life list from last year I had wheel of fortune
You can't invite more people
What if they get on and you don't?
At least I will know someone who is on the Wheel
Congratulations to the Browns who welcomed their second child today
So what do you want for Christmas Kris?
iTunes is going to get Led Zeppelin
Pshhhhhhht, I can get you 35 CD's at Goodwill for $35 forget iTunes
The computer wants to capitalize the word internet
It was a special place in the sky like Itasca

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Tags: the Secret Led Zeppelin iTunes Wheel of Fortune Chicago Goodwill Bratz Dolls

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

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Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:42:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-01.mp3
Show: #392
Length: 1:05:10
Size: 44.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

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We've made it into the month of August
You've now crossed into Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club
Sure you don't want to bitch about Boulder some more?
I like Boulder, there are just some things I don't
We roll up and there is a guard tower
Was he standing there with a rifle?
No, Mr B
It is a gorgeous view
Flanked by beauty
The guard comes ambling up to the Volvo
Your names ladies?
We give them, remember this
"Do you ladies have any firearms with you?"
No firearms in this Volvo
This wagon is clear
He gives us directions
We roll on up
Elk Mountain Resort is beautiful
The valet pulls it four feet away and parks
The woman on hotels.com just kept complaining about it
She is nuts
Jeannie says the place is like Annie
Everyone stands to greet you as you walk in
Then there was Santa Claus
A dude with a white beard and red suit?
No, he had a uniform and a "I love my job smile"
He's got hot towels on a silver platter
He looks at me and says, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
He looks at Jeannie, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
Shit, the deal is sealed, we are the dykes
Welcome to first class
It took us 9 hours from Boulder
We'll make everything guided for you
What time would you ladies like dinner?
This Mrs. Smith would like to eat before 7:30
Mrs. Smith and I would like to eat in 45 minutes
Santa has an ear piece and a chest mic
He talks into it and poof the bell hop appears
We get to our room and the view is gorgeous
If you don't like it dial "0"
The bed looks like a cloud from heaven
I got Wal-Mart sheets
Jeanie, "We have robes!"
Hers and hers robes would have been nice
So we get dressed for dinner
It was intimidating, we felt like we didn't fit
Then I bust out the gift certificate
We wanted to play it cool
Sure, you want to fit in
They were nicer than your grandma who hasn't see you in three years
Every time you walk in the door the staff stands
Oh, are you ladies here for dinner?
I'll announce you, then he speaks into his lapel, "The Smiths are here for dinner."
You haven't told them yet?
No I was waiting for Jeannie
Who's the man, the big footed one with a bad perm
Are there any other guests at the resort?
Two other men not talking
There were 10 total guests at the resort
We order our dinner and they ask for drinks
My mom always orders the house wine, the cheap stuff
I'll have a Mountain Dew won't go over well
Jeannie hates red wine but follows Betsy's lead
Hi, I'm Chef Jeff, which house wine is best for you?
They start bringing out bread baskets and baked stuff
Chef Jeff is like, "Fuck dude! I worked on that all day and you can't say it."
I look at Jeannie, I can tell she doesn't like it
Been there and done that
Jeannie is woofing it down
I have to eat at least half of it
The two men eating alone are now joined by someone I recognize
The owner that I had seen on The Daily Show
Kris if you kick it up a notch we can do this every weekend
He comes over to the table
Asks what activities we are going to do
ATV's and shooting
We are the only resort in the entire world to have access for ATV's
Jeannie, "I love the outdoors but I can't go up high"
Our ATV's are automatic
They've thought of everything
Yes, everything
On the ride you will come to a place called Top of the World
So high that airplanes will fly below
Then he launches in to the special lights
These are based on the biologic make up of a lobster's eye
They are used to melt the snow to make an ice tunnel
Mr. Foreman continues to talk about the press they have gotten
A book on the NYT Best Sellers list is based at Elk Mountain Resort
He had me sold . . . I wanted to kiss a bear and drive to the top of the world
Why would you think that you couldn't do something?
Tom Foreman makes you believe that you can do anything
Enter the rest of the guests
Three sets of couples that look like my neighbors
Fit soccer moms?
Yes, Kris
I just drove 4 states over to get away from them
Now they are going to spoil my mountain view
Mr. Foreman goes over to the new couples
The super sweet firebox
Then our food comes
Every time there was another opportunity to be put in our place
We were still really awkward
Betsy has a bowl of puss and I get a bowl of noodles
It was couscous Jeannie
Jeannie starts to panic, all I get are these noodles
Campbell's has everything including broth
Then they bring the broth
After that they bring out dinner
The whole thing was terrific
Except that we were both completely terrified
To get over the petrification of being treated so well and Elk Mountain Resort stay more nights
Kris you are the king of upgrade
So after dinner Santa jumps up
We get our bill after dinner
Betsy goes white
Shut up Jeannie, I'll tell you later
The one thing you can't return is food
What I was freaking out about was that our house wine turned out to be $18 a glass
From their perspective, the lesbians aren't satisfied
Chef Jeff asks if dinner was to their liking
Then Thomas comes over and asks
After that the waitress comes up
Sure, they are trained like the CIA to read unhappiness
What would you ladies like to do?
We would like a jacuzzi?
Our eyes meet and we realize . . . they aren't out to get us . . . they are out to spoil us
Drinking our sangria in the hot tub
The cheap wine was awesome
Betsy took 100 pics of the tops of trees
At the Boulder art fair there was a dude with aspen photos
So we retire to the room and Jeannie puts on a robe
Sliding into the bed of heaven
Mrs. Smith, this is going to be the greatest night of my life
The greatest part of this is that I have no kids to wake me up
Betsy wakes up at 6:01 for coffee and viewing birds that were probably released for my pleasure
Do you know how much this is costing per minute? Get up Jeannie
We decide to take a hike
We start to walk by workers that gardening
When they see you they stop, stand, smile and ask you if you need anything
Landscapers saw us, they froze like deer
When we went by them they commenced working again
Tom has thought of everything
When a crossed eyed man in golf cart tells you "good luck" heed his warning
People are freezing along the trail "I'm a tree. I'm a tree. I'm a tree"
Maybe the trail was made for someone who came one time
Betsy, they did not release cows into the national forest for you to view
Queue the cattle
Someone left it on the comment card no doubt
Gotta watch out for the feral cows
Jeannie was petrified of them
Now you know why he told you good luck
That guy used to not be cross eyed till a cow incident
We can hear them shrieking and yelling
There they are . . . the soccer moms on the zip line
Whew, my Nike sports bra is twisted
We are on our way back
Jeannie freezes as we stand on Have you told anyone that you are not Mrs. Smith?
I see two brown ears rising out of this draining ditch
Out jumps a giant mule deer
Betsy chases it to take it's photo
The lesbians are crazy!
What are the lesbians doing now?
Time for lunch on the patio
We need some cigarettes and an ashtray
"Can I have an ashtray?"
She speaks into her cleavage mic
Around the corner, "I'm on it"
I know it is fun to play spies but this is weird
It was awesome though, instant ashtray
Lesbians are on porch, queue deer
Queue the geese
Then the soccer moms come bouncing back fit and tan
"Where are you guys from?"
Bloomington. "We are going to drive through there."
Their husbands, reserved and uptight
Screw it, this is all about me
I am going to make the soccer moms laugh
She swore that she was thirsty and all the sudden water showed up
"Guess how many kids we have?"
I don't know this is a game?
We have 10 combined?
How many are girls?
One
Then they struck a bad ass soccer mom pose
They brought things like running shoes
Betsy brought Crocs and sandals
Perfect lesbian gear
The soccer moms told us that the ATV's were awesome
We get ready to go and Misha shows up
I have done this ride 500 times and not lost 1 person yet
She takes out these top gun flight suits
I brought you the biggest ones we have
Betsy, "Of course mine won't zip up"
Jeannie, "neither will mine"
Jeannie you rock!
This could be customer service boot camp
Their motto must be "we are not going to tell you no"
They actually import vans from Europe to fit through their gates
Probably because it is more aesthetically pleasing
This is my new motto, "It is all about me"
Betsy gives me the thumbs up and then hits a tree
So we're going up the mountain
Jeannie is flying behind Misha
Betsy is stuck
I look down and my left hand has the brake so tight that I won't move
When you got on the quad the Unitarian in you took over
It was trying to save you
Oh, I'm sorry when was the last time you drove an ATV up a mountain
Betsy is trying to avoid the sticks
"Mam, that is an all terrain vehicle. Run over the sticks."
Hitting trees really hurts
Right before we get to The Top of the World
I look up and it is all Aspens and cattle
Jeannie starts to freak
Get me past that cow so fast
I am getting away from that cow so fast
Kris, we got to the top of mountain
You can see Utah, three mountain ranges at 9000 ft
We both had brown mustaches
It added to the lesbianism
Every time Betsy talks to the staff it is about her husbands and kids
Talk into your chest, the lesbians are not lesbians
These people are awesome
Misha ran a camp for bad ass kids
Like outward bound? Way scarier
Working at Elk Mountain Resort is top of the food chain
You have got to put in your time
John of course is an ex-Navy Seal
He is bad ass
You feel amazingly comfortable and slightly scared
I love men like that. Don't you Jeannie
Sure, he was handsome too
OK, time for this podcast to end
We ended on the ATV's and it was time to drink
Don't hand the truck driver the bottle
Four or five inches of vodka
Kris, we almost drank an entire bottle of vodka
Jeannie is naked in a robe and slippers
We are ripped
You are so awesome . . . No, you are so awesome
I look at clock and it is 9:00 p.m. and we haven't eaten
We dial "0" and they tell us that the dining room is still open for us
We arrive and there are flames to the ceiling
Chef Jeff is making bananas foster
The soccer moms start to speak to us
Betsy with her vodka mouth
"Are we going to be on your webcast?", soccer moms
Jeannie loves it when I get out of control
"We should introduce ourselves"
No that is OK, I already have a name for you, "The bad ass soccer moms"
It could go either way
Then the leader dies laughing
Right, there has to be an Alpha mom in the group
Yes, the one with the longest Escalade, the EXT
So Chef Jeff comes over
Betsy, "A-1 Jeff we're trashed. Can I call you Chef Jeff from now on"
That's not chatting it up that is drunk babble
Chef Jeff really made it
We don't go to gourmet restaurants and have the chef talk to us for 40 minutes
It was entirely phenomenal
Kris, I know we have talked about how I challenged the Russian to a vodka drinking contest
Can I take it back when you order the most expensive item on the menu?
And I was on the urge of vomiting
Kobe beef times 2 with bananas foster
Betsy looks at me like you better eat that bitch
Chef Jeff is buying us drinks
And I have to deny him because now I can't see him
I don't know where I am at
We stumble back to our room
There is that point, where you realize that I am done my man
Jeannie deals with Betsy, I am sick
I will lay in the bed of heaven
Betsy has the her cigarettes and the camera around her neck
You ticked me off
You don't like me anymore?
I'll like you tomorrow
You just ripped my underwear and are out of control
I proceed to go to the most beautiful bathroom in the states
And I don't even have to use my muscles
I have an exorcism of the most expensive meal I have ever ate
More babbling from Betsy
Typical Betsy move, "I made myself throw up"
This is the best planned bathroom of all time
6 feet from toilet to wall on a slate floor
Betsy made a bed right there with a Turkish robe
And I fell asleep on that cold stone slate floor and it felt so good
As I was falling asleep I thought to myself . . .
I love John, Misha, Chef Jeff and I love Tom the most
Why? Because he was smart enough to put a twin bed in the water closet
I don't know what we were thinking by drinking so much
I have nicotine and alcohol poisoning . . . I need to dial "0"
We have to do another show for Valhalla
It was the most emotional day of Jeannie's life
Sorry about your underwear dude
I'll get you a Target gift certificate
These were Victoria Secret
Do you know how much stuff I will have to find and sell from Goodwill?
Final installment of Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla comes your way tomorrow!

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Tags: kobe beef bananas foster Elk Mountain Resort Valhalla Shooting Club Chef Jeff bad ass soccer moms

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:33:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-06.mp3
Show: #383
Length: 32:06
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

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The live show is in two days!
Markx got it right, "baste"
Mr B, I smell a whole line of products for you
Water sun block with a baster?
After four days at water park the chlorine was getting to me
It was Michael Jackson' favorite place . . . lots of kids and you get bleached
Showing off my chicken skin legs
Remember when I told you about the kids . . . the hair metal kids?
Yes, I remember
I was driving by Goodwill and there they were
I won't tell anyone where to go for the boxes
Is that lady out there in the Volvo?
They cut their boxes up now
I noted to myself it was strange to see the kids
Are the kids real or are you making them up from your subconscious?
So the drummer from Ratt is standing there playing lookout
Which I realized after working in the group home and seeing kids act this way
His other Ratt band mates were in the dumpster
I didn't get it
Why not, baby, it was behind a movie theater
They were after posters and stuff
Turns of that they are your kind of people
I was looking at them as little baby thugs
Oh, baby
Kris' cell phone doesn't work in the basement
I need you to look this up on eBay
I can't hear you
What is it?
It's used retard! Gently carried, slightly touched
Then you tell me to put it back
That's four times my investment
I did find, however, a new threat to my Goodwill goodies
What does Kris have for show prep?
I got out int he world and went to see accountant
We had some tax debt and it turns out we have even more tax debt
I hope the accountant did that
What! What Mr. B
Booba, you gotta listen to me
The feds, uncle sam, is a greedy bitch and wants his money now
Accountant says, you're not in trouble
Yes, I am . . . with my wife
I need to explain to you why I am thinking of cashing out my retirement to pay taxes
You don't understand, my life could be in danger
Betsy is going to Valhalla and learning to use heavy weaponry
Betsy tries to play it off
Somehow she must not have been here during the windfall
I lucked into a windfall
That's ok Mr. B if you want to apologize again
I know you've already blown your top
How did your mom know?
I didn't tell her
Nobody can make me feel any worse
I was watering the lawn experiment and realized I could have paid for the kids to go to college
I spent all that money, I didn't have a plan, I thought the money would keep coming
It's slowing down, it's slowing down . . . can we maintain
You're mom said, "Why do you feel guilty?"
Let him feel guilty
I am getting exhausted by life lessons
Breaking the dumpster diving rules
The unitarian karma is in effect with you and those kids
I am having an "eh" week
Elliot's behavior has been tough
Sorry to be a downer but, damn
We gotta be there to back one another up
Big deal, appliance deliveries today
Live show Sunday night . . . ready for you on Monday!

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Tags: Valhalla Michael Jackson Goodwill movie posters tax accountant