Unitarians | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

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Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 07:21:19 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-30.mp3
Show: #356
Length: 32:01
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 30, 2007

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What are my moobs and dairy snakes worth? Let us know above in the banner with your support
A little guilt borrowed from NPR
What is one year of Croncast worth to you?
That is one 32nd of a server payment
Wrapping Kris in postal tape to make cleavage
And Betsy will sell access online
What to do with the show
Have all the girls . . . women that Kris dated
Especially when they bring their 30 year old kids
Gotta keep Kristine in tube tops
Made from truck tire tubes
Sapp Bros. on the corner of Plank Road and I-80
With my hot coffee came a hot flash of snatch from Mr. B's past
Something nasty probably happened to your coffee
Which one was this? What! Which truck stop ho was this?!?!?
We ate the truck stop all the time . . . either there or hardies
Who was she?
She's the one who grew up and worked at a truck stop
So what do you bring with you from your youth?
The chicken chute checker
Besides your emotional baggage
These are Kris's jeans from 20 years ago
We had bunk beds
No I didn't have the Outerspace mattresses
We had cheap bunk beds
The kinds you could take apart
Cutting the legs with a chainsaw to make them level
This way . . . two equal beds
Happy belated birthday brother, though you don't listen
Karma was kicking Kris's ass this last week
Even today it has been harsh
It must have been the poking of Unitarians
Well, Mr. B . . . I washed and dried your video iPod
Yep
It looked normal for a second then it started to crackle and the screen turned white
I wasn't going to tell you
Hey, kick me while I'm down . . . one in a long line of things
Life altering events all week long
Well now Mr. B you can run down to Wal-Mart and get a foPod
I'm sorry that karma is kicking your ass . . . but my week has been awesome
Let me check my watch for the karma shift
(What ensues are short show notes for a great Betsy story. Watch the beverage drinking in public . . . I kid you not.)
Betsy turns her mom out . . . garage sale style
Little deaf dog in a bike trailer for grammy
Cruising the McMansion subdivisions an Saturday
It's a Schwinn not a Burly
Another Dutailier Glider
Somebody's baby is stealing all those shoes . . . oh Gigi

Send your support: $50 bucks gets you an autographed Goodwill mug. More amounts to come.

This money, btw, is going to server costs to keep the show up and running.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Dutailier Glider Sapp Bros I-80 karma kicking my ass McMansion subdivisions support the show

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 07:09:33 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-25.mp3
Show: #354
Length: 32:54
Size: 22.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 25, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

Comments have been light the last week
I give the Unitarians a hard time because it gets under your skin
Kris tells Betsy like it is
They would anoint the the person with oil
NASCAR jacket guy would show up
"Sir I'm sorry you can't come in"
Can't accept a "Jr."
You just don't seem to get it
The most tolerance of any other crew
The "Jr." can pick from any other denomination
Not only are you good with therapy but you are good for saving
I'm going to have you anointed with oil
Taking your donut hole
Maybe we should have Unitarian representative on the show?
Yes, Croncast listener . . . she noticed you walked away
That is one thing that is different this year
Public planting of topics
Judy fills us in
The live show is definitely on . . . look for a RSVP post and more information soon
How did they meet? Have they ever told you this story?
Our meeting you can break it down quick like
I was following the style of the day
Every idea he had she thought was a bad idea
The Friday night talks
Betsy's dad runs for governor of Illinois in '86
She gets to walk in all the parades
A parade is really long when you are carrying a sign that says, "Sell The Post Office"
Ask the 10 year old about
You had a fun childhood Mr B.
The worm farm was the best experience of life
It taught me the greatest lessons of my life
Kris's turn to tell a story
Going to the creek by walking down the train tracks
"How far on down the tracks I got to go"
The oil barrels weren't stored in my yard
A gas station, service center sized oil can
The EPA doesn't go to your town
Betsy remembers Donnie

Doh! Laptop juice is waning and I need to get this posted. Keep listening because it is a good story.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: NASCAR Jacket Unitarian worm farm walking train tracks EPA travel dead pets

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 09:44:32 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-09.mp3
Show: #347
Length: 33:23
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 9, 2007

Kris is back from New York
Betsy starts drawing pictures of my forhead
Elliot, "Do you remember what happened after you had Maggie and you had beans in your arm?"
Lima beans in hosiery
It's April 9th . . . shouldn't the Unitarians be out burning something?
It's that time of year the fertility time
Unitarians have three open arms
The variety is what scares me
I like knowing that I can travel nearly 1000 miles from home
Look out my window and see McDonalds, Starbucks and a Friday's
Beyond the pavement
Town after town after town
Mr B, you're getting to be a worldly dude
I knew I was going to get yelled at
Everyday, I knew it was growing
No there was nothing going on Sunday
I should have left Saturday night
I had a really awesome time
Some people get to see Times Square . . . Croncast style I get to meet Geraldo
The News Corp Walk of fame
Big shout out to Jodi! Thank you so much for the tour. It was great to meet you!
I saw Bill O'reilly people getting Bill O'Reilly-ish
The nameplates, check these out
After the nameplates I come upon the General Lee of broadcasting
Check out the tattoos
They're not prison quality there old school
Right, your grandfather didn't have tattoos?
Not my side of the family, well mine did
So what did they look like?
Bill O'reilly on Anna Nicole's body?
No I'm sure he's going out to get that one later that day
Hey Nike listener's were calling you on the tour if you're down for August
Yeah these tours are cool, not the bus tour style
It's really cool to get these opportunities
Our listeners are really interesting folks
Have to say this . . . the people at Fox were great
Betsy was impressed by Jodi's purse
Coming to Seattle at the beginning of August
Mommy's depressed and daddy is out having fun
We're going to Atlanta in late August also
Let me tell you about my little General Lee
Betsy fills out the adopt-the-doggie-app
"One old lady should take care of another"
That sounds like a lesbian love ad
It doesn't sound like adopt a schnauzer?
The Red Hat Society, no sex . . . movies and chocolate
The doggies adopt out lady is the alpha dog
You're going to force me into buying one from a puppy mill
I need to see your two year old and the dog interact in a cage match
Elliot was a little gentleman
This woman is screening my children

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Tags: Geraldo The New Yorker Hotel Fox News Bill O'Reilly PodCampNYC Unitarian Holidays

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 25, 2006

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 07:02:52 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-25.mp3

Show: #318
Length: 30:56
Size: 21.2 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 25, 2006

Today's show is brought to you by The Zeliffs
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Yup, a Christmas day show for those who celebrate and those who don't
We celebrate on Christmas Eve
How come the phone is ringing?
Why are neighbors stopping by?
Oh yeah
The beaten turkey a few years ago
Returned the meat to the store
He wasn't part of the status quo
He wants to be free-range
Beat him in front of the other turkeys make sure they see it
The group home kids are opening their stuff right now
Thanks to you guys who donated for the cause
Not wanting to get official
We just wanted to collect the money
Now we have some ChildServ corporate listeners
Back to Christmas . . . wasn't my dinner spectacular
Tackling the gifts that have been waiting
Pulling Christmas names
They would brawl . . . they could do it on the Wii
I go first, no you go first . . . my dad would trip on the way down the stairs
Now there are all these people and kids
Kris why are you being such an asshole
Have you ever had to take an intermission with gift opening?
We'll have to rethink it
Opening gifts all at the same time
I'm gonna get cake . . . who wants cake?
Could have gotten the kids two things
Digital picture prints for Betsy
When you're a mom you can't go through all the digital photos to print
Pictures of everyone
Worst hair choices for the past few years
Betsy sees the short hair picture and says lemme do it again
Dangly earings, denim jacket and Indigo Girls in the back ground
Patches of Mr. B hair all over the place
Betsy had blocked it out of her memory
What a bad decision
It's not even a pretty color it is dirt brown
Hair today gone tomorrow gift certificate
The investment in head shaving
Red for a couple days . . . it's hat season
Us bald guys we get chilly
Why would I want my eyebrows done
The in between part
Self-image change
It's a Van Dyke not a Goatee . . . it can't be
The sizes need to be set for the daddies who are shopping at the last minute
What about earings?
No I asked for a ring with nothing sticking up
No, no, no I just need a ring
The fact that it doesn't fit is not cool
Unique like my baby
Return it and go to Costco
Hey Mr. B . . . thanks for your gift . . . I'd like to return it . . . Let's go to Costco
Yeah, yeah, no, no you can't do that
Just get sized
Maybe that hurt my feelings a bit
Dry cleaning chemicals are really Febreeze
I loved your present Mr. B
Gotta give it up so I'm not into it out of love
I tore it up on my ribs
I rolled over in the middle of the night and I whimpered
If you wanna be a boxer grow some balls
I'm knocking you out
Pictures straight from the Wii
Adding all of your Wii Friend Codes
Like a build a bear
What are the Pagans doing?
Better yet what are the Universalist Unitarians?
Dancing around the saturnalia tree

Tags: Wii Friend Code free-rang turkey digital prints saturnalia tree dangly earings

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 07:09:59 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-13.mp3

Show: #313
Length: 39:18
Size: 27.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 13, 2006

Today is not for the triscadecaphobic
Betsy is the demon seed
Send her a paragraph why she is evil . . . not really
Betsy causes the world's woes
That voice you near is Melissa from ChildServ
We're collecting that money until Friday
I got some cool stuff
Keeping them out of soap and sheets holiday posse
Melissa says, "Kids don't want to open soap at Christmas"
The door bell interrupts us
eBay rule number 437 . . . show up on time, not early
He won't ring the door bell
Betsy broke the rules first and Melissa calls her on it
The hole that we do the show in, Betsy admits it
A care bear that has had it's eyes eaten by the dog
Eyeless care bears
Betsy has to show Melissa her storage area
1000 square feet devoted to garbage
I was going to try to help if I could
No, Melissa did not come over here
I just don't like it when people are early
Strangers should show up on time
"Betsy wouldn't have a big blow up Santa and basketball hoop at her house"
You're about to transport who? Where? Betsy you have to take the van
If you've listened for a long you know this, we know poor
Two months of eating rice out of a wok
Betsy got eBay skills to by clothes, diapers, food, pay for pre-school
Anti-foraging hater . . . Diannah read and reply please
So what does all of this mean?
It is all about having the ability or knowing when or how to do it
You have to make it your goal
It has been happening for ever
Walmart and the Elmo's . . . Betsy move
There is no buying from Walmart
Betsy explains why Kris is Walmart hater
It's the labor practices
Things that the kids would like
Betsy tries to balance both her sides
The Unitarians are right in the middle
Donations end on Friday
What makes a success
Getting out of the program means independent living skills
Graduate who is now getting his masters
Where's the money?
It's Thanksgiving break . . . can I come to the group home?
Having family makes a big difference
Melissa has been doing it for 11 years!

Tags: ChildServ triscadecaphobia social workers Walmart unitarians

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:56:26 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-26.mp3

Show: #254
Length: 30:09
Size: 20.7 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 26, 2006

A little behind the scenes from a convo we had before show
It's called a tailgate
It was a like a John Mellencamp video
Now that is something that you don't want your daughter doing
Reaching the maggot temperate zone
Taping "Maggots Gone Wild"
T-shirts for flies
The Happy birthday show for Abbi Zeliff
Kris blew it for the show shout out so it ended up as a whole show
We've given up on the plan for the show
Betsy is going to use the studiofoam
"I spent a whole lot of money and it is your fault," Betsy
Kris is going to change her passwords
Byron K.'s email, "How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?"
The UU answer is hilarious
Betsy wants to read it at church
Kris's religion is working dusk to dawn and then some
"When you die can I have your money card," Elliot to Betsy
Betsy's new nemesis tries to run her over at Goodwill
Vickie having her baby
Betsy describes whole process . . . put your lunch down

Tags: Route 59 John Mellencamp maggots Unitarians Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 21, 2006

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 21:26:14 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-21.mp3

Show: #239
Length: 31:19
Size: 21.5 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 21, 2006

Now is when we get back to reall life on the cul de sac.
I bring it for the gammarians, you know who you are
Betsy talks about her new blueberry allergy
Eating blueberries out of a 50 lb pound bag Betsy voted 5 times in an election
The cul de sac block party getting down
The shopping all on Betsy
GFS is like Costco without membership card
Macaroni salad
Betsy says it was made during "The Great War"
How many hot dogs are in a box
79 lbs of frankenfurters are there in ounces
$7 for 100 lbs of blueberries
Eating what you want
Talking while stained issues
It's self-tanning where you end up with orange paws
What are they doing to the inside of your body
Were back to regular shows now with a few updates on Slowsky
The contest for the iPod
We'll announce the winner next Friday
All next week we will read the best and make a decision
Google ranking for John Elway Dodge
Betsy tells the full Madonna concert story
Sorting out gender
Betsy should have known she would take it as a challenge
Non-lyric knowing friends
Maggie makes many many more noises
Kris' anti-social casualness
The block party for the neighborhood
The Unitarian party for the Unitarians
Friday . . . Kris explains why he wasn't there

Tags: John Elway Dodge Slowsky GFS self tan Madonna Chicago

Betsy and her husband Kris May 01, 2006

Mon, 01 May 2006 06:47:11 -0500

Croncast - 2006-05-01.mp3

Show: #222
Length: 26.:55
Size: 18.5 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 01, 2006

Evidently it's May Day
What the hell is May Day?
It's the only thing Unitarians worship
Specualtion like the Wiccans
What is the common glue that holds you people together?
It's the "c" word
Someone shows up with an engineering textbook
Somehow it works like an onion stew
Betsy doesn't get the drinking blood and bread
No bake sale
Grandma's great George Foreman grill
Giving your peeps a bad rep
The only vegan cassarole at a church
Selling a rusty axe (yes it deserves the 'e') on eBay
The henna experience from scratch
We're going on vacation to Denver in a few months
Dutailier Glider goes for $240! Betsy's investment $60
The whole Chicago "My frient"
It's a movement I'm starting, my frient, it will sweep the nation
The routine requests by cats who should be selling knives door to door
Making nice with the secretary
I offered you a brownie and you told me no
Giving birth with Betsy in the room
Cacious Gray the oldest horse at Arlington Raceway

Tags: Dutailier Glider eBay May Day Arlington Raceway henna

April 26th Show up this evening

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 09:42:19 -0500

Hola amigos y amigas!

Things started poppin' around the house last night and we didn't have time to record, though it did give me a few seconds to watch the Colbert Report. It's nice to know that technology can fail on national television too.

Today's show will go up later this evening, which will make Thursday and Friday like a Croncast two-fer. Maybe we should bill it as "Croncast taking you through the late week and into the weekend with a two-fer of Goodwill delight and humus eating Universalist Unitarians."

Tags: late show Croncast Colbert Report Universalist Unitarians