Vickie | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 09:24:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-05.mp3
Show: #418
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

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It's TFF . . . Tell a Friend Friday
Here's what we got going on
Tons of comments coming in
Today will not be typical show . . . we're reading comments
Lots of entries in my haphazard Google contest
Finding the ones that were for the contest were hard
Now we need to figure out who the hell these people are
Not like your legs are broken
Just your Jaguar
It is the saddest looking thing
Tags are expired, hood ornament torn off, license plate holder Magic Erasered and leaking oil
Did I mention I haven't driven it for about 3 months?
The voting at Blogger's Choice Awards is difficult
Thanks to everyone who visited
We're gonna read the comments and contest entries
Comment - You parents can find you if they want.
Saggy Balls 101 wants to party
Comment - No need for video
He's a purist, like a biker
I would do it as a three camera shoot
5 minute wrap up of week
Comment - The karma comment
I full well expect it
Since I didn't swallow the scope I am not on same page
After they listen to about 3 of these shows, guaranteed
We've had this discussion
Bottom line, I expect it and would respect their decision
Keeping grammy close enough to make things normal
You never cared about me
Let's move on before we bore everyone
Comment - Curl that gun hand into a fist
Comment - Kid getting picked on
Same thing that they were doing already
Mob of gigantic kids jacked up Captain Crunch and Cartoon Network
While he is eating his Kix and watching PBS Sprout
Not to say that my kids are any different
You were picked on as a kids too
Yeah, it made me funnier
Hope your kids use it as material later
When I wrote it on my folder I meant it
Grunge stick figures
You're psycho
Move forward please
Our whole meeting . . . there were many times
I would have caught you slow driving in front of my house
Lesson in beatup karma
The pom-pom squad is not the delicate flowers
Doubt there was delicate flower that hadn't been had in your school
Vickie got her ass kicked by this girl
What brought this on? I know you sister
I'm not saying that it was provoked
My parents came together and went to school
Vickie is now planning class reunion
She gets a hunk of the class list
I tried to find the girl . . . but couldn't after her last arrest
She was offering sexual favors at the court house to pay her tickets
Attorney's are perfect
There is no client, paternity privaleg
Comment - When exactly were you two cool?
Part of my psychosis thinking I have been cool since birth
Probably a social disorder
I proved that I am not cool by taking you to nerd convention
Elbow deep in the back of a goat
Don't you remember goat cervix bangles?
I invented those
My dad was on Montel
And my baby sitter was Cindy Crawford
People have know me for 20-30 minutes before I tell them
We both have a lot of self-confidence
We went through crazy shit together
Captain of the pom-pom squad is not cool
Maybe in Sycamore
They went to drink out of the cow tank

Contest entries - if anyone of these is yours leave a comment with your email and I will get back to you to get your address for stickers

We read all of these on the show and tell some stories in between

1) croncast geek star kris and smoking Betsy are you still doing that? How are you going to locate a winner? by name? Robert
2) kris smith a man who can survive betsy
3) kris smith a man who gets locked in the basement by his loveing family
4) kris smith living the dream in naperville
5) croncast rockin to van halen
6) kris, this is your mom, I have a knife to send to maggie! give me your address!
7) worm farm sex
8) croncast betsy cow print
9) croncast betsy loves dawn
10) croncast Kris -"How are you going to know who submits the search?" -Kore Peterson -"The first to leave a comment for you via google."
11) croncast Kris get out of the basement and live life
12) croncast Kris loves John Elway Dodge
13) pics of sweet ASS street racing cars
14) betsy hates blue hair death to dawn
15) kris, out of puffy cuff goodle ideas
16) puffy cuffs are sexy
17) nerd bearded kris
18) +croncast Leave the comedy to Betsy
19) (kris betsy croncast) -"The blubbery bald bear's brawny baby batter befouled the bountiful, bodacious, bouncing boobies of betsy"

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STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Cartoon Network Magic Eraser TFF Evo Terra goat cervix bangles

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:51:07 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-20.mp3
Show: #399
Length: 27:34
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 20, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Short on the show notes for today. Sorry, but I got to get to what pays the bills.

The Great American Yard Sale
Sonny and Cher
Rosanne
Letting the ResaleQueen price items at the sale
Flea bites
Don't put that in the show notes.

The 400th Croncast coming on Wednesday, hoorah!

Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Great American Yard Sale Sonny and Cher Rosanne Vickie Walzer packing your Volvo

Betsy and her husband Kris May 16, 2007

Wed, 16 May 2007 07:25:07 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-16.mp3
Show: #363
Length: 26:52
Size: 18.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 16, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Betsy is in selling mode and looking around all crazy
Even my Wheat Crisps from Trader Joe's is looking marketable
Elliot's got his IEP (some mumbo jumbo for meeting about your child) today
We're dropping Gigi off at her sisters so we can be childless and focus
Flyers under the shield at Wal-Mart for illegal slaughter house
Not since becoming a suburbanite have I seen a huge plunky dunky goat
They got the crazy eyes
Sitting there licking it's cloven hooves
"Moma, pet"
When goats attack
Oh, my god you have to call 911
There's a goat in front yard!
It's unusual, but a goat in your yard is an emergency
The goat hunkered down behind the cozy coupe
Could be injured and vicious
The goat had to come from the crazy farm on 87th
I'm putting goats on my front lawn
And next to that RV parking for off season parking
I'm ok with it
More people being held at Gitmo than the town I grew up in
Yeah, you are crazy Betsy
Here's the part that makes you crazy
Elliot's IEP . . . Betsy starts telling the goat story
"Guess what I saw this morning . . . a GOAT!"
We were there for 45 minutes and you told the goat story 4 times!
Elliot's special education teacher even got the goat story
In the meeting with 5 teachers she busts it out again
In the meantime Vickie's got 3 kids and a goat in her yard
It could have had babies
It could have had sex with a golden retriever and made gorievers
Animal control shows up and says it belongs to the farm
They said, "Stand back. Goats are dangerous."
I may go and apply for it, Kris
We could do a freelance goat retrieval business
I want a uniform with a patch
They wander the forest preserve
Evidently the goats freak if they hit the pavement
They go "bo honky" . . . coined by Betsy
All the neighborhood kids show up to watch
Can you imagine having a baby in you with horns?
Duct tape that fence together
"You may want to cover the children's eyes"
What did you say to Maggie?
She can't say 'goat' so she was saying 'doat'
Where's the 'doat'?
Now the environmental clean up company needs to come back and clean up pooh
The hobby farm guy doesn't want to come and get his goat
Betsy won't let me have the drink I ordered
Thanks for the call Dave about tickets for the live event . . . The Comedy Shrine will not be selling tickets for the event it is up to us to get it set up. We will have something ready by next Monday and let you know!

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Tags: escaped goat goriever cloven hooves The Comedy Shrine IEP

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:42:50 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-01.mp3

Show: #308
Length: 25:15
Size: 17.3 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 01, 2006

I am way under the weather today and it isn't just the snow. My voice is really tore up in this show and I have to force my voice quite a bit. Not to mention, there is not a real Kris laugh in the show. When I laugh for real I cough like an emphysemic grandfather.

I ask Betsy to do the intro
Kris is on Death's door
I've got Tasmanian Bird Flu
Tell the people what you had for lunch
I just wanted a hamburger then it turned into a big mac
Kris's blood is like a milk-shake
I don't want to talk about your French thing
What is really interesting in the email that you got
"I'm so famous"
I really gotta hire a nanny
The assistance position may be paid soon, Vickie. You can apply.
State run television
They want to follow Betsy around for a day and broadcast it in France
Betsy wants a first class flight to Paris . . . lol
It would be very funny if we followed you all day
It should be the week before Christmas
We've never done a video podcast, we'll just use their's
A search for Elmo TMX's?
She doesn't know what she is getting into
It's ok if we don't get one
Why don't you try to write an email in France?
Disruptive for an entire day
This is what I do
I sit in the snow and shiver and drink coffee
I know 10,000 French people are laughing at me right now
Chasing the furry red vibrator
The breaking story will go to the French
The NBC Dateline candid camera for pedophiles
The storm is coming, get milk
The Goodwill 'Beast'
The swinging boobs, denim shirt . . . in my line of work you've got to hold it together
No bra and makes a quick left for an out of the back item
She could breastfeed a snake standing up
The slightly played with or brand new for the holiday
Kris' car gets horrible gas mileage
He needs a sweet hybrid car
It's just not for me
I could go for a Tesla
"You may have a great weekend, but what are you bringing home with you?"
Thanks for all the donations again!!!!!!

Tags: Tasmanian Bird Flu TF3 TV Elmo TMX Hunt Goodwill Beast breastfeed a snake

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 11, 2006

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 07:01:04 -0500

Croncast - 2006-10-11.mp3

Show: #283
Length: 43:13
Size: 29.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris October 11, 2006

We recorded this late last night and the energy levels in some parts are pretty low. I think the prime time for us to record is around 9 p.m.

Show notes:

Intro numero dos thanks to that low energy
Turn the dial?
Betsy has been sitting in the house for a couple days
Even though she went to Goodwill it was a bad day
People were packed in wall to wall
Wednesday will be worse cause it is old person day (Kris day)
Vickie was rockin' her bag that Betsy missed out on
Picking up the sister
Resale shop at 11:35 . . . and suddenly the rest of my day is gone
Betsy has been really grumpy last three days
She wants to push off a pier with cement shoes
The honest answer is she upset about parenting issues
When will you not be too busy . . . 2008?
That doesn't count as parenting
Aren't we paying off the final credit card next week?
There is always another bill, Mr. B.
Rick keeps finding ways to get on the show
Documentary about Betsy's uncle, Randy Shilts - Reporter Zero
We have to find a way to see this movie
Life is show prep holmes
"I can't believe that I have to look at your mother at Thanksgiving"
Flying back to the midwest and seeing the people at the airport
You know your terminal by your people
The new vast collection of checked shirts
Betsy gets to the punch line before me
"I don't belong with you people."
Betsy says they are 'Puffy Cuffs'
The nosey neighbor
Nobody will even know when you are dead without nosey neighbors
What would Kris be like as a native american?
Shirt, pants and accessories from a single hanger on QVC "Fashion Day"
Designed to minimize lumpiness
Heart shaped mommy pants in the rear
Why try to talk with the other mommies?
They are not our people . . . they are 10-15 years older than we are
Getting an iPass for the tolls as a birthday gift
Oh, that was casual clothing

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Goodwill Reporter Zero Randy Shilts puffy cuffs Rick Klau

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:56:26 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-26.mp3

Show: #254
Length: 30:09
Size: 20.7 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 26, 2006

A little behind the scenes from a convo we had before show
It's called a tailgate
It was a like a John Mellencamp video
Now that is something that you don't want your daughter doing
Reaching the maggot temperate zone
Taping "Maggots Gone Wild"
T-shirts for flies
The Happy birthday show for Abbi Zeliff
Kris blew it for the show shout out so it ended up as a whole show
We've given up on the plan for the show
Betsy is going to use the studiofoam
"I spent a whole lot of money and it is your fault," Betsy
Kris is going to change her passwords
Byron K.'s email, "How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?"
The UU answer is hilarious
Betsy wants to read it at church
Kris's religion is working dusk to dawn and then some
"When you die can I have your money card," Elliot to Betsy
Betsy's new nemesis tries to run her over at Goodwill
Vickie having her baby
Betsy describes whole process . . . put your lunch down

Tags: Route 59 John Mellencamp maggots Unitarians Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 07:06:20 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-24.mp3

Show: #253
Length: 35:30
Size: 24.3 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 24, 2006

Vickie, Betsy's sister for the new listeners, finally went into 'real' labor last night at 3 a.m.. She was staying here so most of the family is at the hospital except for me, Elliot and Gigi. Being on baby patrol makes it kind of hard to put up a post. The show notes are coming.

Betsy and I are fighting, best friend style
She wants me to move out and take my stuff
I want to take an iron ans steam her to death
Kris is up in Betsy's business
Her eBay finances are a mess
Kris doesn't like being bossed
Betsy agreed to send email to potential clients . . . nothing . . . phone call . . . nope
They get crazy when they see you on the phone
I don't need Betsy as a corporate rep
Where is all of Betsy's eBay money going?
We talked about it today
Betsy made $900 this week and is -$30
Say what!?!?
She tells me why this is better than putting it on credit
She wants me to apologize
Betsy comes to her senses and says, "Kris, you have a small point."
She hands over her Pay Pal card to me so she can't spend
Lifestyle of the rich and Slowsky
Slowsky is a thirsty bitch!
Higher gas prices, higher fill-up in Slowsky thanks to WW III
Worse gas mileage than a hummer
The Gucci cash is all gone
Functioning out of a hole
She says she is going to purge most of her eBay horde
Stipulation on the card is giving Betsy cash in small amounts
Betsy is no longer CFO of Palegroove since she is handing over her personal financial reigns to me
Just wash my Legos
Cleaning Betsy's junk with Magic Erasers
Kris feels violated, Betsy wants to push me up the corporate ladder with a golf club hanging out of my behind
Kris took a gold lesson, Natural Golf, thanks to Henry for hook-up
Knowing you . . . where are the golf clubs?
It would be better to have a $900 gold club
I still can say I have never officially played golf
Turns out I am really good at hitting the ball straight
The Natrual Golf way worked for me
Test question . . . "Do you like George Bush now?"
Betsy goes on a socialworker rant
How many poor people spend $300 going to Yellow Stone from their McDonalds job?
Betsy says she has realized her calling
Trader Joes is that calling, they are her people
Finding Wooly the Watermellon for candy
If I leave Vickie will crown
Betsy gave me persmission to attend the Jaguar 2007 XK test drive event
I drove a black coupe (see pics below)
Thanks to Laura and John for their help
I recorded most of the day
The car is in my blood
"I don't give a rat's ass. I am not getting anything out of your blood."
Driving the XK took me way back to my dad's speed fetish
I shouldn't have been looking at that man like that
I could cheat on my wife. That takes too much effort . . . I'll buy a Jaguar XK
It is a mid-life crisis car not a car for a 32 year man
We'll have nothing left to show for podcasting work but a bankruptcy and a hot car

Some pics from my weekend fun.

Tags: Jaguar XK 2007 XK Palegroove golf Pay Pal Magic Eraser Kris Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:36:21 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-21.mp3

Show: #252
Length: 35:56
Size: 24.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 21, 2006

Slow start but it gets rolling around 4 minutes.

Broadcating bathwater draining down a pipe
More baths than anyone
Kris found more white hairs in his beard
All thanks to John Elway Dodge on Arapahoe
We blame John Elway for being born
Why isn't the pipe soundproofed?
Betsy says Kris is too self-centered
Backyard needs attention
Work from home day
You can hold the bag atleast, you pussy
Kris hasn't been off the deck this year
Betsy wants to hire a gardener
Betsy's current making money obsession What the hell is doula?
Vickie still hasn't had her baby
Why did she pick you?
Women in Naperville have garagre dorr stomachs to pop out kids
US infant mortality is high among developed nations we rank 28th
The big sale that Betsy is collecting clothes for
Betsy says it's a racket and they make you buy something for $3
Kris says yeah what a rip, eh
Walking back into the 80's with peoples styles in homes, clothes and hair
Bet they can't wait for the Miami Vice movie
The fat, fat cat
Well yeah he's very nice
Unable to walk and friendly are probably two separate things
Regional tour of Goodwills and then Betsy ranks them
Betsy wants to register to win a limo ride to garage sales
What about the notion of good days
Selling ad space on your car
What is truly afford?
Hair Cuttery chik tells Betsy her hair looks really bad and has no style
Kris digs a hole for himself and ends the show

Tags: John Elway Dodge doula Goodwill Jaguar XK fat cat

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:52:16 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-26.mp3

Show: #220
Length: 29:26
Size: 20.2 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 26, 2006

It's started to turn into one of those weeks
Actually it has been a really good week, just busy
Vickie, sister-in-law Vickie joins us for this show
It all goes down hill from here
She tell of her best trucker recruitment moments
Yup she was a truck driver recruiter
Other mommy stuff as the babies cry together
And Kris makes a huge slip Oh yeah, my argyle shirt makes for some fun

Tags: truckers nursing popcorn Vickie appliances