Zeus | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 25: The Audition, What's Next, Life in the Can

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:03:55 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-18.mp3
Show: #500
Length: 29:13
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

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Last time I have to listen to this!
You know you like my voice, Baby
I am surprised you are not crying
It's like a Hallmark Holiday
I just wanted to make sure we hit 500 shows
Back in the day with the old gear
Doesn't it seem like you are creating more work?
Not really
Transitioning into something new
The new show is "Life in the Can"
You can get the new shows at www.lifeinthecan.com
Three days a week still and a weekly best of the three shows
The first show will be released Thursday June 27th, 2008
We're excited about the new show
It would be rad if you and I could work together
Getting paid to do the shows would be great
I went to Jeanie's house last night
Cracking open the hand carved lesbian door
No crumpled up High Life cans
The Eden like backdrop
Deer walked right up
She had deer prints on her roof
Training ground Santa's deer
Getting them presents for the house
Populating her yard with beasts
Show up and build an Arc too
Betsy "Noah" Smith
I get wait to Zeus out there
You had a part of your E Hollywood True Story
The Improv dinner theater audition
I purposely didn't tell you this, Kris
What?
Where the auditions were being held
Ok
Where was it?
At Culver's
Oh, Baby
Did you get a milkshake afterward?
Your first audition was at a fast food restaurant
It proves you want it
It's embarrassing but it does prove you want it
I'm proud of you
Most people wouldn't have gone
What's more uncomfortable than going to open mic night?
Listening to open mic night stories
We have no context for this
How did it make you feel?
Maybe she is a biker
Going out on a high note
Thanks to everyone for throwing in their support for the show
In the effort to Keep the Archive Alive
That would be funny
No it's not
Thanks for listening to everyone
Whether it has been 500 or 12 shows, thank you
We've had a great time doing the show
The new show is, Life in the Can - www.lifeinthecan.com
You just can't end it Mr B! Can you!
Keeping you happy three days a week with a bonus
Thank you for letting us entertain you.

Tags: iPhone Life in the Can LitC High Life Hallmark Holliday

Which Way Did He Go?

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:16:02 -0500

One of the neighbors boxers at the back fence.

You can see where Zeus claws the fence to share kisses with his girlfriends.

Tags: fence share kisses girlfriends claws

Maggers and the Dogalope

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 10:22:42 -0500

Asked to post this while I lay on the couch. Betsy snapped this shot of Maggie and Zeus a few minutes ago.

I am thinking that Betsy will be trying to pass Zues off as a dogalope soon so that she can get that goat from GRoAN (Goat Rescue of America North).

A dogalope would cement her as crazy and they would give her 50 goats.

Tags: dogalope goat betsy goats zues

Season 19 Ep 21: John Adams, Hershey's Floor, Lock Picking Kit

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 08:30:15 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-17.mp3
Show: #468
Length: 30:01
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a couple weeks
It's good to hear your voice baby
Stasis soon, I said
That was work
Thanks to Josh Bancroft for the message
Betsy was just attacked
It is no one else's fault but yours
You are to blame
I was watching a show about John Adams on HBO
Which is a sign your balls are reaching your knees
What were you watching?
Oprah's Big Give
I heard it is horrible
Yeah, it is pretty bad
Mom decided to go to bed
I thought I would pick up her old dog and carry it upstairs
I am talking about my empathy for this cold hearted bitch
I reach down to pick up the dog
And what do I get
That bitch attacked me with her one good tooth
She inserted it viciously into the palm of my hand
I got the hysterical laughs
Don't make me put the dog to sleep
She was laying on a piece of Zeus's bone
That is why she bit
I know
This is on page one of your baby book
Your mom tried to get your dad to do something he shouldn't
You love chaos in your life
Why else would I be married to you?
You look at a situation that appears to be calm
And you can find the chaos
How can you disagree with me?
I can't
That brings me to a story Mr. B
Jeanie is moving on up
Up where
Here you doofus
You neglected to notice that your children aren't in school
You have set precedence with this
Yeah, I have dropped him off twice with no school
Hello
So we take Elliot with us to go and look at rental homes
That is a good idea
Jeanie calls up a property management company
We have three houses lined up
Is that foreshadowing? Is that what they call it in the biz?
For $1100 a month what do you get?
The lemon yellow peeling paint house
It was made for a Model A
If you kick out the stick it all would have fell down
Couldn't tell where the house was
How could you not?
We saw it and the Psycho music played
Jeanie is polite
We went through with it
Why?
Maybe there is something fabulous here
Gluttons for punishment you are
I used to launch my He-Man action figure from the cloths line
Nifty, I feel robbed
If you only had one He-Man toy why did you treat him so bad?
They would have changed my name to Poindexter
You'll understand that when we open the side door
It was a smelly out of Cops house
The poor wife who was shackled to the bastard who owned
I am going to laugh because I am scared
Different paint in rooms
Different borders
This one looks like your mom put it up after a bottle of Smirnoff and Scope
The boards on the floor didn't even touch
No one sanded the floor they just painted it brown
It was a Hershey's floor with gaps
Slops of brown
At the next house he can't find the key
He busts out a lock picking kit
The place looks beautiful
But we see a ring around the walls
It had flooded and they never cleaned it up
I looked behind the wet bar
There were mushrooms growing out of the baseboards

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: He Man Jeanie lock picking kit rental house Oprah's Big Give

Maggers and the dude

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:33:44 -0500

Maggie, aka Gigi, hanging with her favorite of the dogs, Zeus.

Camera is missing anti-green eye flash.

Tags: missing camera anti green flash

What you think Pup-pup?

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:32:53 -0500

Elliot and his favorite of the two dogs.

For some reason he likes Pup-pup. aka Benji, aka Pup-a-lup, aka Little Deaf Dog much more than Zeus.

Tags: pup aka deaf little dog

Season 19 Ep 7: Resale Queen, TV Lifting, HustleBuck

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:17:29 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-21.mp3
Show: #453
Length: 27:14
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
The first show went up Saturday
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST
Wasn't painful at all was it Mr B?
Yes, it was
It was like every first podcast
Got to get used to doing it
High I'm Betsy HustleBuck
Number 42 for the Naperville Dumpster divers
Part of Local #42 Dumpster Divers and Junkers
You should ask the people come to their houses just to pick it up
I want to buy an AmVets truckload of stuff
Sure it would save you the sifting
You could get gold bars are used Hanes
Buying a truckload?
Disturbing
Asking me where you are going to put it . . . leaves hope
It took 8 years for you to ask
Join me on the dark side Mr B
Where do I sign up to be a HustleBuck?
I had my party last Saturday
Yep, your improv people were in the house
Natural reaction is to show compassion toward animals
You enter a home and the owners are there
It is instinct to be nice to their animals
No matter what they do
Zeus was not leaving any alone
He's like a cross between a Roomba and a guest that won't leave
Yeah, he peed on her
Of course he did
She touched his ears
Her highly absorbent sock was full
Offer her a sock
What?!
Is this a McDonald's playland
You need the dog whisperer
The vet said some dogs just do that
In the animal kingdom that is a highly desirable trait
He tells you how great you are by peeing on you
You should breed him and sell them to comedians
The mess that the dog left
You were waiting to see how close I was
I am surprised you shave the back of your head
Why is that?
Because you can't see it
Unintentional dreadlocks
That is the story of my life
Kris, you take too many photos of strangers
And then you get all weird with angles
There's always a magic shot
But it is weird
Not really
You need to not rat them out to management
I have to have some recourse Mr B
Yes, you can lift the TV
Baby, I can't hold it
It was like a Tom & Jerry cartoon
If he could focus I would have asked the man
Anyone would lose faith
Maybe you did save my life, Betsy

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: roomba Resale Queen hustlebuck improv party McDonalds Playland

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:46:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-26.mp3
Show: #415
Length: 27:29
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Parents of multiples speak up
Was a great set of comments
The singletons get the message
I thought the Planned Parenthood thing would get people going
Finding out what you have in common where you think you wouldn't
We do have a lot in common
Sure they might be busy Sunday morning
Yeah, all house-wifery
The excitement level is raising
We are off to California in two days
Betsy doesn't recall the truth
You and your brontosaurus brain got us in to this
The problems with your story
They said, "yes"
Not my fault I can't read woman
No means yes and yes means no
Power of attorney to admit the kids to the hospital?
You say my family is crazy!
Your family goes off the deep end
They get stressed and you would think the world is ending
Now she's upset because she bought me some clothes too
Zeus jumps up on bed
Mom sighs, "he's a big pain in the ass"
I'm more worried about him than the kids
I pick up on these things because I am a woman
So do you want me to board him? No
I board the dog and come back, I boarded the dog, thank you!
We don't like him because he chews up everything
They would be good to go if he didn't eat their faces
I had dogs when I was a kid, suck it up
Your kid is a puffy cuff like you
You need so much chaos in your life baby
We do not need need another beastie running around this house
You are the only person that he doesn't pee on
Betsy will clean the house but leave the cow bones laying everywhere
The reality is that the dog eats anything that he can
The rule of fish . . . if it fits in its mouth it eats it
I think that is true
So it's like your mother
I'm late on the laugh . . . my lungs are messing with me
I got a fix Mr B
I have a pill upstairs calls "placebo"
Baby you better go and get it
New spam coming in for Viagra Pro
Seriously do we need Viagra Pro?
Speaking of Viagra, Mr B
So at my improv class I said, "Don't forget to take your Viagra"
Got a big laugh
Teacher asks me where that came from
Absolutely joking and deadpan, "I have been married 10 years"
Dead silence . . . I said it was a joke but not loud enough
Now when I meet these people I am going to be Mr. Limpy
Yeah, Mr Limpy Betsy's bitch
Jeanie came up to visit
I took her to lunch and to the resale shops
Which one?
People don't kill people
Nice
Then we went to a real clothing store
Seriously, good idea to take Jeanie with you
I don't want to look schlubbtastic
Jeanie has a hard time telling me what she thinks
I told her not to hold back
What about Conde Nast Portfolio?
You look at the pictures
I just choose from the mannequins
Sure enough this store doesn't have any
Jeanie gets real comfortable with her criticism
It looks like 3 kids are going to pop out and say "boo"
We got a lot going on
I been bringing
My laugh is gone
Everything that I have said lately is hilarious
I know that going out in public with you brings the funny

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Tags: Halloween schlubbtastic Jeanie Bowen Conde Nast Portfolio Viagra Pro

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:46:22 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-02.mp3
Show: #344
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 2, 2007

It's good to be back!
Thanks to everyone who sent messages and comments
Four weeks of not being told you're fabulous has taken it's toll on Betsy
It's a thankless job being a house wife
Betsy really needs the show, she just won't admit it
I do like success Mr. B I just don't like to work very hard
iTunes users leave us a review in the iTunes music store
I've never been stuck on one thing
Yes, I was well rounded
I still have the sharp shins
The family knows me as the idea guy
But I stick to it like peanut butter
I am like that crazy inventor guy
The creepy guy who's in his garage all the time?
I have been waiting for this
Head first into break and I was excited
But Bears, you did nothing around the house
This will be a turning point in our marriage . . . Kris will start participating
Winter brings garbage
The sky opens and beer cans fall
Kris's sliding man pants while he works
Getting that backside tan
Can you turn around and lift your shirt
You'll have a pregnancy like slider to measure the tan for a man who does things
I get less sunshine now that I am working from home
And I've started losing weight
I have . . . like it is panic
Your Weight Watcherness of the last 4 weeks are putting the screws to me
My face is saggy . . . my tummy is jubbly
You'll have lost 6 or 7 ounces
Packing it in before was the truth
I am going to end up with a post-pregnancy belly
Watch yourself big boy
You never asked me to do anything on break other than bring in the garbage can
What if I buy you a ladder?
I'm done I cede the floor to you Betsy, now tell the Volvo story
Tidal wave in the car
Zeus was nowhere to be found
She calls me, "I was driving in my car . . . "
The way I don't ever want to hear Betsy start that way
I know that I am going to end up back at Volvo of Lisle
Yes, I was correct
We hit'em up to try to get it taken care of
The gist of it is that we are screwed
"You should call customer care and start there."
"Work your way up"
Reputation management matters but auto dealers don't care
This is a fluke but the Volvo reputation for a consumer begins at the dealership
They are the ones that should care
Once it is repaired Betsy asked for a price for them to buy it outright
Big mistake
Once she told them no new Volvo that she would buy a new car from another dealer it was over
Sure it is all soccer moms around here but it doesn't matter
Now we'll keep it til the warranty runs out unless something so bad happens that they will actually take responsibility for the car being a lemon
I never leave the house now
Which brings me to my point . . . I am going to sell your car Mr. B
You can't sell my car, baby
The farthest I went from the house in the last week alone was 35 feet
Talking taxes on Wednesday . . . strikingly vivid
We thank everybody for the emails, comments and the calls
Thanks for everyone who filled out the survey
Leave us a review in iTunes

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Croncast Weight Watcherness croncast returns Volvo of Lisle reputation management

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 29, 2007

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 07:14:36 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-29.mp3

Show: #332
Length: 39:16
Size: 26.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 29, 2007

He is a golden . . . retriever . . . he brings stuff back
Zeus cannot be tricked
The noise distracts me
Genius like this takes concentration
We missed Friday's show
Kris felt depressed for a bit
It was his fault
It was a good nerd outing (spot a Kris) that was a success I talked to someone new
TECH cocktail is evolving
"My mother is in cancer treatment," attendee. Kris, podcast laugh follows
She was 4'11 and dressed like a flapper
Is she trying to start a scene
"Flappers" the movie to come
Betsy is going to continue to yawn through this
Baby, the time is right to talk about this
Once of these days I am just going to put a meat grinder on the desk
Betsy just push push push
Man, it is hard to talk about this . . . for Betsy now
I'm just gonna do it
Here's the back story
"You're going to be publicly humiliated"
1994 back in our dorm room, underage drinking and all the sudden . . .

To get the rest of this story you're gonna have to listen.

This story starts at 6:10.

Tags: Golden Retriever Volvo of Lisle Jeanie Bowen Goodwill Husband Zeus podcast laugh

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 07:41:26 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-17.mp3

Show: #328
Length: 29:50
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 17, 2007

Betsy starts the laughing early in the intro
What are you doing?
Kris isn't it about time you go to work
So, um it is day three and I already can't stand the site of you
I might rent you office space
Roll some orange extension cord out to the shed
You're monitor is so bright
Lift up your man boobs and let me see if there is a tan line
It's all been subterranean
The meat loaf made everyone sick
No, Mr. B it didn't
Carla got it
It is the 'socially unacceptable flu'
My insides are liquefying
What these people would look like in Banana Republic
Betsy has no personal space this week
Even if Elliot's skin is falling off tomorrow he's going to school
So this was problem . . . you in the basement taking up all this space
Elliot, Gigi, Zeus, Mom and Betsy all in the same space
Hey Kris, could you . . . and you disappear
Now the conversations are what the phone calls used to be at the office
She walks down and face to face
When are you going to be gone at your conferences
They are mini geek vacations
I'm really busy . . . and the you need to get the fuck out of here look
I don't have that look
Yeah you did Dough Boy
The mountain time zone difference
I'm trying to match the schedule
But I just started Betsy, it takes time
I should make you punch in and out Bears
The laundry, well the process of what it takes to get the laundry done
Betsy tells the story of Tiffany the chow
Making my way from the basement to the executive bathroom on the second floor
Maybe you and Maggie could go and get a job shoveling snow
I have had two jobs for the last 3 years . . . that isn't what I am telling you
Can you tell me the hours of my job?
Wind it down, yes I am
Why call 911 when giving birth?

Tags: subterranean husband Banana Republic flu smelly dog dough boy get out look

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 10, 2007

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:43:35 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-10.mp3

Show: #325
Length: 31:27
Size: 21.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 10, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Tara Rester.
What is this new thing staring me in the face
It's a horse for American Girl Dolls
Not made by American Girl but by Battat
More stuff about American Girl vs. Battat that passes Kris right by
More big blue stuff
The dolphin got shipped off to Alabama
Yeah, because they don't know that dolphins aren't blue
Betsy's secret birthday wish didn't come true
She wants a picture of Mr. Handsome (Zeus, the dog)
Two pictures under that corrugated clear plastic where you move and the picture moves
You know the ruuu ruuu ruuu stuff under your finger nails
Out of the ether Betsy's hero called . . . Ben the handy man
I love him in the way that any woman loves a man that can fix things
Bears, you're just lazy
It's my birthday, get your ass over here . . . that's great
The handy man technique of quote then never show back up or call
Once they are kicked out of the next county they come back
They can't take Betsy's personality
It is her wit and intimidation
Maybe I did make you sound like an asshole for tearing a whole in my shower
What was he thinking with duct-tape and a Jewel bag
Sharing a bathroom for a month with your mother-in-law
Duct-tape in my own shower . . . you bet
Then my husband tells me no on speaker phone
Living in Milwaukee
Crazy guy asking the police if they masturbate
Betsy says, "I could live in Milwaukee forever"
Oh, I am never going to Menards with you again Betsy
Blame the mommies they have gas too
Send Betsy a Blue Mountain card at thesmithmall@hotmail.com
She's 31

Tags: Tara Rester American Girl Dolls Battat horse duct tape shower Betsy Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 10:09:11 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-05.mp3

Show: #295
Length: 22:32
Size: 15.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 05, 2006

Keep on leaving the comments
Comments even about the dairysnake
Betsy says it is time to return the dairysnake to QVC
Women in depends trying on elastic pants and deciding it's not roomy enough and the QVC customer service
"I bet the QVC return warehouse smells like old people. I love QVC don't get me wrong."
Zeus is upset that the dairsysnake is going back
No Falcon Bird . . . TailorByrd, baby
Did I get it right
Paisley pearl snap TailorByrd
It might be athletic fit but you'll have to girdle it in
Golden paisley pearl snap for the man now
Unless Kohls super Saturday is the trend . . .
You better drink your stupid soda
It's not a middle of winter shirt
Easter egg puffy cuff in other colors
The closeout TailorByrd shirts . . . very of the moment
They are like the 70's zip up boot
Your dad was pretty styling I'm sure
Wrinkle cream at 29
I know, I know, I know Kris
Could have gotten the merchandise credit but opted for cash back on your card
Maybe QVC will start selling carpet soon
Oh, my god. The dog ate his leash again
Kris is dog agnostic
Booba wants a running suit with a small amount of leopard print
Betsy's friend said nothing
Aluminum foil in with the hamsters
They didn't make it
Betsy is clairvoyant and reads my mind
I buried him in a box that I made in bible school
Everyone's going to bible school
Kris tells the dog to go away very calmly
What is that smell?
He peed on me
Can't start off by saying "scam"
The loose smelly dog
Betsy calls it my bad dog karma
Next show . . . when Kris was bitten by a dog

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Tags: QVC TailorByrd Zeus urine dairysnake bible school