archive | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Thank you for letting us entertain you!

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:38:57 -0500

Most of you knew that we were putting the brakes on this beast, but for those of you that didn't or are catching up . . . we hit our 500th episode and are putting Croncast to bed.

We've had a great time since November of 2004 putting out shows. The rewards from doing this show are too numerous to list but the few that stand out are meeting so many great listeners and fellow podcasters through the years. You guys have shared many insights with us and let us know that our experiences aren't so dissimilar from your own.

The best part is that we aren't done creating shows!

Starting on June 27th, 2008 we will still be cranking them out 3 times a week at Life in the Can, but with a special twist. We'll also be producing a weekly episode that is the best of all three shows from that week, with a special twist.

Yep, I wrote that twice.

The weekly episode will use the previous three episodes like they were brainstorming sessions and we'll pick the best bits and re-record them. We want to push ourselves in another direction and utilize the same skills that I have used for years producing audio for clients. It's time to try something new with our own show.

For the next few months you'll be able to get the new shows through the regular Croncast RSS feeds so that you won't have to resubscribe to the new show right away, though, I'd recommend it. You'll be able to decide which of the shows you'd like to receive.

One last thing, our entire Croncast archive will remain online for the foreseeable future so that anyone can enjoy the shows.

We hope that you'll join us over at Life in the Can in a couple weeks and get your laughing fix with Betsy and Mr. B.

Thanks to you for making this so much fun!

Tags: Croncast 500 shows Kris Smith Betsy Smith Life in the Can

Season 20 Ep 25: The Audition, What's Next, Life in the Can

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:03:55 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-18.mp3
Show: #500
Length: 29:13
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

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Last time I have to listen to this!
You know you like my voice, Baby
I am surprised you are not crying
It's like a Hallmark Holiday
I just wanted to make sure we hit 500 shows
Back in the day with the old gear
Doesn't it seem like you are creating more work?
Not really
Transitioning into something new
The new show is "Life in the Can"
You can get the new shows at www.lifeinthecan.com
Three days a week still and a weekly best of the three shows
The first show will be released Thursday June 27th, 2008
We're excited about the new show
It would be rad if you and I could work together
Getting paid to do the shows would be great
I went to Jeanie's house last night
Cracking open the hand carved lesbian door
No crumpled up High Life cans
The Eden like backdrop
Deer walked right up
She had deer prints on her roof
Training ground Santa's deer
Getting them presents for the house
Populating her yard with beasts
Show up and build an Arc too
Betsy "Noah" Smith
I get wait to Zeus out there
You had a part of your E Hollywood True Story
The Improv dinner theater audition
I purposely didn't tell you this, Kris
What?
Where the auditions were being held
Ok
Where was it?
At Culver's
Oh, Baby
Did you get a milkshake afterward?
Your first audition was at a fast food restaurant
It proves you want it
It's embarrassing but it does prove you want it
I'm proud of you
Most people wouldn't have gone
What's more uncomfortable than going to open mic night?
Listening to open mic night stories
We have no context for this
How did it make you feel?
Maybe she is a biker
Going out on a high note
Thanks to everyone for throwing in their support for the show
In the effort to Keep the Archive Alive
That would be funny
No it's not
Thanks for listening to everyone
Whether it has been 500 or 12 shows, thank you
We've had a great time doing the show
The new show is, Life in the Can - www.lifeinthecan.com
You just can't end it Mr B! Can you!
Keeping you happy three days a week with a bonus
Thank you for letting us entertain you.

Tags: iPhone Life in the Can LitC High Life Hallmark Holliday

Season 20 Ep 24: Cousin Kris, Painters Cap, Nothing Is Level

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:28:11 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-16.mp3
Show: #499
Length: 22:52
Size: 15.7mb
Format: mp3

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Keep the Archive Alive goes on
$25 of support gets you 2 DVD's with the full archive mailed to your door
Drop that Archive Support at the site in any one of the banners
It is all about the Interwaves
The photo montage of the father's day trip are up
Look in the blog for the story
Soften up the crow's feet
Geez, that bag, what is she 33?
I don't know if Rock of Love is comparative to competitive improv dinner theater
The afternoon jamboree
Much like licking a toilet
"Cousin Kris!"
The first Casey's we stop at
Hey, I know you
No, I didn't know her name instantly
Hoping for it fire into my brain
Turns out to be cousin X
She's of the normal branch
But the odds of that
Not that great
Running into someone buying smokes
I just don't want to get there
I know, Betsy, you were driving 45 in a 75
Never thought we would make it
Creeping ever closer that sucking vortex where you grew up
It is an area of decay
Dilapidated nothingness
If you were a pizza deliver guy you would deliver to houses with siding
The rest are wrapped in Tyvek
It looks like depression
We tried the town route
Elliot is asking why it is abandoned
Yelling why doesn't it look like home
Two taglines
"For Rent"
"Rent to Own"
You wouldn't let me take the best photo
It was the award winning shot
It was beautiful
The transient neighbor
In a wife beater, smoking a cigarrete, talking on his phone in a NASCAR painters cap
And . . . And . . . his white wolf dog on the steps
Nothing is level there
I fell down 77 times
Growing oriental poppies
Couldn't believe it
Save me from this
And you walked away
Everyone walked away to leave me there
The scary compound
The old ass car wasn't as bad
Always had the perspective that there was someplace else I needed to be

Tags: white wolf chevrolet graveyard interwaves abandoned small town

Season 20 Ep 23: Cotton Candy Salad, Keep the Archive Alive

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:19:01 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-13.mp3
Show: #498
Length: 25:41
Size: 17.6mb
Format: mp3

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Keep the Archive Alive Suport - Send your's today!
Thanks to Jen Stibi for Keeping the Archive Alive
We Jen upheaved and happy at work
Here's a podcast hug for you
You can't miss the banner
It's another Friday the 13th show
I wouldn't get out of this set of shows without it
Many, many things are going wrong today
How can you be freaked out about today?
Yesterday should have done it for you
Glad to be getting to the expert level
I didn't say it like that
Oh, really
Well, I don't know
Let me ask Betsy
That should be my motto
The common sense psychic
He told you it was Father's Day this weekend
Kris is happy in his squirrel nest downstairs
Keeping it as a secret
Having a surprise party
Betsy's Blue Mountain Alerts
I knew we were being invited to a jamboree
Waldorf salad vs. apple salad
Some might say they are the same
Like the hotel?
They wouldn't think hotel
I gotta be nice
You can do that, you know Improv
Not sure you can pull it off
Raised in a hamster cage
Not sure the kids can pull it off
Elliot might not be able to get passed grams smoking in the backyard
Don't get uppity, you're ignorant
It's pronounced "ig-nernt"
You shouldn't talk about that
What is your practice face?
You are a sad, sad human being
Making a new dessert - cotton candy salad
Did you try that new spicy chicken sandwich at Wednesday?
Diet and the correlation between behavior
Doctors can't fully help you
Why?
They have businesses to run
It is the truth
They are just people who need jobs
He'll eat it, it has apples in it

Tags: apple salad common sense cotton candy salad squirrel nest

Season 20 Ep 22: Sunny World, Community Improv, Archive Alive

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:52:05 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-11.mp3
Show: #497
Length: 29:51
Size: 20.5 mb
Format: mp3

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What was that?
Keep the Archive Alive?
Yes, it was
Support future listeners and the new show by sending support
How?
The banner above
Let's keep it trucking along by supporting the past
That is, the past, for the future

Tags: show name sad portraits grandma's glamour hard and shiny

Make the Flickr PHP API not so ugly and easier to use

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 10:11:15 -0600

For months I have been bypassing the Flickr API and using RSS 2.0 feeds instead. The reason? They come with all the photo stream data that you need in a nice little package. Things like title, description, tags, date taken, date uploaded, image dimensions, etc.

What is missing from the RSS feed the ability to load comments with a photo and choose how many items are returned in the feed. The API, however, will let you load hundreds of images and load comments for each photo.

There is a catch though. The API is broken up into about a 75 different calls. Not one single call to the server can match the data that is returned in the RSS feed. To get the same data I need to make approximately 8 different calls to Flickr. Not good.

What use is the API?

It gives me the ability to create a historical back up of my photos in their most basic form with urls, date, descriptions (with html stripped) and tags. It also gives someone building an application a rich data source to do some of the things that Flickr isn't already doing - the purpose of an API.

After working with it for a few hours I became frustrated. PHP is my poison of choice and the PHP examples that Flickr uses all return serialized data. Which is great and easy to work with if you already know what the XML namespaces are but without them it is hard to access the data. And in some cases impossible without printing out the serialized array and looking at it because the returned serialized array's keys don't match the XML namespaces. Not to mention children are buried in deeper arrays that aren't as easy to access as say $title = $item->photo['title'].

Here's how I cleaned up the mess. If you are PHP guru then I am sure you could get this down to one script.

An 'include' script, sort of. View this script by URL on your server to see all name spaces:

1) Create a new PHP file declaring xml as file type - header("Content-Type: text/xml")
2) Use the url that Flickr supplies to return content in REST format
3) Comment out the line for serialization
4) Use PHP's file_get_contents() function
5) echo the returned XML

A loader script:

1) Create a loader script
2) Call the include script - $resp = simplexml_load_file("YOUR INCLUDE SCRIPT URL");
3) Get the data out by name space, the same ones that Flickr documents

To view the name spaces that you will want to access simply open up the include script by url in your browser.

For now I will stick with the RSS 2.0 feeds for blog submissions but once I have some free time I will be using the API code above to create a cached archive for my own safe keeping.

Tags: photo frame digital Flickr API PHP simple simplexml_load_file

New Flickr Uploadr makes me want to upload

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:08:51 -0600

I caught this blog post this morning about the Flickr release of an updated version of their desktop uploader.

It is a much needed upgrade and . . . and . . . for those of you, like me, that use Flickr for backing up your photos will love that the new version doesn't force you to resize large images. Being able to archive my original images to Flickr just made the service even more useful.

It's available for Windows and Mac. However, at Flickr the links for the download are still pointing to the old version.

Get version 3.0 in the original post.

Thanks, DI and Yahoo!

Tags: Flickr Uploadr desktop upload Flickr uploader 3.0 archive flickr

Ze Frank throwing down during WGA strike

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:52:44 -0600

Whatever the reason, WGA strike or boredom, I am happy to see the 3 new videos by Ze Frank in the last two weeks. Here's the one from today:

Click here if you can't see video.

Ze is better than TV. I really miss not having his once a day shows. In my book, better than the Daily Show and Colbert combined.

Ze is like mind porn. Thank you, Ze, for cranking out some new shows.

Tags: Ze Frank new The Show better than tv blip.tv

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 08:12:05 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-14.mp3
Show: #433
Length: 28:35
Size: 19.8mb
Format: mp3

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Post birthday wrap up
No I won't read it . . . it is inappropriate
What did you get me for my birthday?
Love
How do I put a photo of that up?
Just a white space
Your gift already expired
It was an interesting birthday
Was it like having a heel ground into your balls
To know that your plasma just bought tickets to a movie and chocolate cake
You came home with this cake
It had one 3 of the 33
I thought about using toothpaste to put the other on
I saw this monster chocolate cake
I have been shaving chocolate since 4 a.m.
Granted, he'll know it's from Costco
"All-American Chocolate Cake"
My Black Keys poster is gone
You blow out the candles
It was like a car tire, not really
My accent is like a cheesegrater on the edge of my words
I chop up the cake
Hand it out
And everyone is like this is a great cake
Elliot stands up straight
"I NEED TO BE EXCUSED"
He starts bouncing off the furniture
My mom look up and her face it bright red
Maggie starts freaking out too
She is yelling about wanting to ride the dog
Yeah, I ate four bites and had to stop
Betsy, I think it is full of caffeine
Loaded chocolate cake
Who wants to do more cake?
I am wired at this point
I didn't have an iris left
Just black eyes from open pupils
I couldn't handle it
You guys were right about the cake
Mom just stands up all the sudden
I gotta go to bed now
Talking a mile a minute
I go to get my phone out of the car
Find some gummy bears
I eat a handful of them
My chest starts thumping
My body tingles all over
Was it going along with the beat of the music?
I have never, ever felt that way in my life
Felt good when you scratched you head though didn't it
You know what will make you feel better?
More cake
That is like saying, I could use more diarrhea
I need to find my worst enemy to share it with
Scientists for chocolate experts look at that cake and tell us why
That cake was pure baked cocaine
I was still thinking about the cake today
Why do I want more cake? It's 8 a.m.
I do not fall into the stimulant category
Thanks to Costco I will no longer eat chocolate cake
You can turn off your emotions like a switch
Kris's phone is blowing up
Birthday wishes at 4 a.m.
I need to invent an apparatus that allows you to smoke while sleep
I'll be a quadrillionaire
Smoking in your sleep is healthy
Human mysters at 2 a.m.
The deer just stood in the front yard
Yeah, your dog will poop and eat it before it hits the ground
Stuffed animals from Goodwill need to be washed, Betsy
No they don't, they just need love

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Tags: Costco cake Goodwill smoking in your sleep caffeine chocolate expert

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 12, 2007

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 09:12:30 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-12.mp3
Show: #432
Length: 29:27
Size: 20.2mb
Format: mp3

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Monday is a great day to start the week
Yes, I forgot to tell you
The first time that I get to do a birthday show
I guess I am going to Goodwill
It's cool to swear it off
You should take up cardigans and turtle necks
When guys my age are geezers
We will be rocking the grunge look at the convelescent home
I was watching TV on something that is no longer around the house
There was a moment of clarity
I was watching an animal show
There was bear running in slow motion
Beautful
And the narrator pops in "This was the point when Charlie was ready to attack."
Does the bear know that his name is Charlie
It's all about relating to the world around us
We do what is comfortable
We would break the glass bottom boat weight limit
We'll be living fat for the next few months
Ok, hush you have to let me speak Mr. B
The fabulousity of puffy cuffedness
You know the job thing didn't work out
You're taking a moment to rest
And I am looking at the TV
It isn't that big
Spending that much on a TV
I can get you one tomorrow at Goodwill for $50
Yeah, it might weigh 650 pounds
Take your old Chicago technology with you
So I called Costco and told them about the broken ass TV
I just want my number tattooed on me
Betsy, you just like the exclusivity
Having to flash your card
Being a Costco member, stand back bitches
Yeah, as we stand next to the coffins
42 inches is not the big
I'm not going to go there, Kris
We roll in with two crabby kids
He's talking about throwing dead animals in the coffin
Which one do you like mommy?
I just need to find someone to throw in there
He is your child, Betsy
So they start helping us out
Everyone is watching
Fuck bling and diamonds
Roll around with a big screen TV
I had a pack of men following me
Asking me 30 questions
Ahhh, we can't take that back
Why?
You have everything but the manual
You can't take it back without the manual?
Nope
Are you kidding me?
Every time I walked by it
How the fuck did I get here?
I bet you have that thought a lot
Betsy starts rolling on them
It's your birthday, I am going to let you speak
Baby, he was still eying us up
Was he going to tackle us?
Stop them - they are going to buy oranges and pampers
Best friends
I would be a complete asshole if I got another TV right now
I didn't consult for 11 months
I need my business up and running right now . . . takes time
Same thing with jobs . . . takes time
A big day is talking to three recruiters
Betsy's denial policy
Thanks to Karen Vitale for the Franklin Mint vault check

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Tags: Vizio Costco Goodwill named bears denial policy

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:21:44 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-09.mp3
Show: #431
Length: 34:07
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

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Croncast been holding it down for 3 Years
431 podcasts as of today
You got 3 years from us . . . leave us 3 sentences in the comments
You should play some of the old interviews
No
People can still download them, but I'm not playing them
Your kilted friend
That was an awkward situation
Oh, the Renn faire . . . what goes on there?
Can you create chemistry
I did the snowmobile show
It was the number one show in the world for a while
Then it disappeared
Yeah, Nick decided it was over . . . no moolah
Betsy, I got in your proximity
I feel sorry for your microphone
You need to brush your teeth
What is that crap you are eating
The humus
Not quite as bad as the Aquadots
I told you they were poison
Yeah, but you say every toy is poison
Any item is actually life threatening
I look at the world in the form of 'If I needed to defend myself in prison
Hey, I'm a producer
You could take over anything with a hot cup of coffee
Maybe I'll get my iPod back finally
Rock on Cronast
Do you know who this iPod begins long?
No more Samsonite luggage picking guys
Who the hell has an iPod full of ZZ Top
Speaking of things we talk about that offend people
Online degrees
Yes, Kris has one
And an AA from a junior college
I'm on the inside, I can make that joke
I worked in higher ed for 5 years
I watched the growth into online learning
We got no respect for it
Even from anyone in other distance education modes
I would still be representing as Captain Pizza making fine Italian pies
Working at a gas station is more of a psychographic read
I worked with a lottery winner
She won a couple million bucks
Just because she won the lottery doesn't make her interesting
I got lucky picking numbers
It isn't about how you won money, that isn't interesting
What happened with the money is interesting
Talked to a guy in Boston and he was like I made some loot
Then I left the country for 16 years
Don't remember it all
If I hadn't married you, I was this guy
It was like looking at myself at 65
Did your souls slip out and kiss
And minor nerve damage
Maybe he was eating Aquadots
There is something so unnatural about adding water to anything and making super glue
Seeing as how your body is 98 percent water someone should have caught that
Well, guys
Betsy is a mess
You broke down two minutes in
I am deep fried on the KFC scale
It's the job thing, the improv thing, eBay stuff and then class
You got to get on that
People need to just tell you what do
Betsy quit taking things dirty
What the hell is a safe word?
Yeah I know what it is
No one knows, I'm a deviant
I know what it is, that is what I was saying
No one at improv knew
Your audience won't know
The hell they won't, my audience will
WTF?
I have more respect with my audience than to talk down to them
I don't think I made it
You got to let it go
This is a good experience
You are learning from it
You are taking it off the deep end
You tried out for the local, yes local
They are here . . . not NY or LA
You just need more experience
Call them on it
Don't let it continue on
Deal with it and get an answer
Going to the DMV
They had the wrong soc # for me
They also had Slowsky still in the computer as being owned by you

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Tags: iPod ZZ Top DMV Croncast Aquadots Slowsky

Today: Three years of Croncast podcast

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 08:46:05 -0600

Uno, dos y tres!

We've been doing it up for three years as of today! A library of four hundred and thirty shows since November 8th, 2004.

What is there to say? More, obviously!

We want to say thanks to everyone who listens to the show and to those that have listened in the past. Thank you for allowing us, in absentia, to make you laugh.

Also, thank you for sharing the show with your family, friends and strangers by playing it for them, the blog posts, commenting on our site and the reviews that you have written.

Six months from now we should hit the 500 episode mark. Then it will be time to party!

Tags: Kris Smith Betsy Smith Croncast archive RSS podcast library

Aqua dots full of killer chemicals? NO!

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:09:42 -0600

Betsy told me I was crazy after seeing these one time on TV and saying, "Baby, that shit just ain't natural."

Our kids have been begging for them since they came out. Even with fast forward on DVR, two seconds of onscreen time was enough for them to ask again.

Well, it turns out I'm not crazy they turn into a drug when ingested.

Is there any doubt left that there needs to be more stringent testing of toys in this country? I thinks so and so does Rick.

I think the ones that come from China and through some sort of hocus pocus chemically bond when water is added tight enough for a bullet proof material shaped like your favorite pet would be a good start.

Just a thought.

Tags: Aqua dots recall Chinese toys China poisonous toys

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:56:51 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-07.mp3
Show: #430
Length: 31:18
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

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Kris nerds out about comment spam
Not all the comments are on
I gotta shut those people down with their Ultra Canadian Pharmacy
What is wrong with you?
No one wants to hear that
It's just creative advertising, Kris
This is getting super interesting
You've dropped a lot of your nerdisms
You aren't weird around girls anymore
Just because people are turned in your general direction
Well, it doesn't mean that they are listening
Betsy breaks down her improv auditions
Betsy is freaking out
I told you how this would go
Did you bring your headshot and resume?
Right, my resume that says CEO of internet startup TheSmithMall on eBay
See, you didn't think that this was real work
No shit, it is competitive
It was valuable
I crossed it off with a china marking pen
It was pretty much like the Wheel of Fortune Chicago auditions
My sister told me not to wear my generic broken Crocs
I looked down and that's what I was wearing with no socks
That is prepared Betsy style
At that moment I didn't feel that together
A guy show up in a Simpsons t-shirt and a trench coat
I see that guy and hit the floor
Nobody move, nobody get hurt
Another chick came in frazzled with watered down eyeliner
A totally Deep Fried Blonde (DFB)
That's their problem not mine
What age range can you play?
I just put 32
You're supposed to put what ages
Every time I fill out an app - White Hen, Hardees, Ben Franklin
I could have used you as a wing man
I have talked about Mike from Second City
You just prefaced it with that
Teaching there, holy shit
The fourteen stages of improv
It's all part of the shtick
Then they go through what we are going to do
I just want to go home and watch Desperate Housewives on dvr
What was your first car?
Chevy
What kind?
Silver
And they all started laughing
I wasn't trying to be funny
Now I gotta do these setups with strangers
It went well
You are in improv boot camp at The Comedy Shrine
Naperville is holding it down
I know Mr B . . . people across the country they have working toasters
The person in the chair is the mall information booth
I am always thinking of disposable goods
Where do they sell RID at the mall?
Betsy gets cut off
The person in front of me is the Deep Fried Blonde
Her teacher didn't come from Second City
She starts a god damn conversation with me
She wants to shine
All she was supposed to say was aisle three
I started behind the door
They said don't do that
"DFB," one word would be fine
Betsy, do someone foreign
You have to get creative
Foreign to Naperville is what I brought
I was way better on the way home
You are obsessing about this
I helped build you up
You are the most competitive person that I know
Betsy, you just have to stick with it
That is the key for you
I would think after 11 years of marriage you would know when to shut up
I am just wondering why to do this
The audition freaked me out
I knew I would be with professionals
While you are doing your audition I took the man to his doctors appointment
The nurse was treating him like he's managing his health care
Sure, like he set it up
He's lost weight and not grown
We've taught him some better eating habits
Here's a fruit party platter
She's leaving and asks him if their is anything else
He's talking non-stop
This is a lot less
"Elliot is there anything else you want to share," goes the nurse
"There is something else," Elliot
He looks right at me and says, "My mom says things to my dad that makes him really angry"
"She says really mean stuff," Elliot
Buddy, it might be a good idea to refrain
On the show, but he doesn't listen
Picking up probably on the hairy situation here in the house
Sure we all have stress and tension
Your mom and I are best friends
One of those moments
Then the kid asks, "Why am I in a foster home?"
Tomorrow, is the 3 YEAR CRONCAST ANNIVERSARY

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Tags: Second City The Comedy Shrine Deep Fried Blonde Hardees Croncast

Kris Smith - New Media Expert For Hire

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:16:39 -0600

Time to plug myself like I have no shame!

Thus, in the true spirit of being shameless, I will create this unabashed self-promoting bit of text to tell you about the Kris Smith that many of you don't know.

Planet earth had just escaped the Y2k bug so we bought our first computer since they didn't destroy the world they must be okay. So in early 2000 I taught myself how to use Wavelab to edit audio and later that same year I took my first programming class to learn HTML. The rest is history, as they say in the biz.

In the last seven years, I've accomplished more things in digital media and web development than I could have ever anticipated:

1. Developed and coded the first version of Castlock a New Media and metrics platform
2. Founded the world's first company dedicated to podcast production
3. Worked with and produced for Fortune 500 companies
4. Spoken at conferences and universities across the United States about RSS, New Media and podcasting
5. Developed moderated media RSS feeds (mmRSS) for episodic and archived content delivery via RSS
6. Gained a network of professional colleagues across the globe
7. Interviewed celebrities and professional athletes
8. Became certified in DVD authoring software used for major motion pictures

If you have the hankering to check out my full repertoire and could use a self-starter with innovative skills, you can visit my Linkedin page, download my resume or search "Kris Smith" in your favorite search engine.

Tags: RSS guru Podcasting professional PHP Castlock New Media expert RSS expert

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 08:21:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-02.mp3
Show: #428
Length: 30:52
Size: 22.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

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It's Tell a Friend Friday
Tell your people, people
Switched up the intro
Added Podcast.com as a place you might get your podcasts
Check them out
Happy early birthday to Mark
He needs a cold turkey quit smoking partner
You up for it Betsy?
Does he have someone in Atlanta?
My birthday is then seven days after
Right after our three year mark
We'll be doing this until the wheels fall off
I get worried about our archive
Yeah, can't you just burn it to disc
Final paycheck from the day job came in today
Today was the contract execution date
So many things had to fall into place
We talk money and situation for a bit
For those of you who don't like this stuff skip ahead to 14:08
Many people have been in our shoes
You better get a job Mr B
It's already not been nice
We said we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore
However, it's all be got going on right now
It is what takes up our waking hours
That's your problem Mr B
It's stressful
Yeah, we could end up moving . . . highly likely
Very little is going on here in Chicago
Not a leading edge city
The coasts are full of rocking gigs
Looking for jobs that are in wrong category
I found 10 different ones put away like this
Next is to contact the recruiters on these sites
Newly revised resume in PDF format (Yes, I know address is missing in this version)
Check it out
Though it's the same as my Linkedin Profile
I've had lots of people on this resume
Everyone is telling me that this will take longer than
Every time we talk about money it makes people crazy
Don't bother sending the hate mail
What do you want for your birthday?
Don't even say
Health insurance?
I have health insurance for us through January
Could this be worse?
Yes
I have contracts, things I can't share
It's up to listeners to fill in blanks
Dating the show
Part of being smart is that you should hate TV
I love TV Mr B
When you say kerchief it sounds like crew chief when you say it
Your references are all 80's TV
I am breaking into a new garage sale area
Hinsdale, a swanky Chicago suburb
Betsy puts the stereotype lifestyle
Kris finally tells the breast feeding plate story
The mosquito fogger driving down the street and chasing it
Breast feeding was the best time of my life
If you have healthy children
I will buy you your own plates, Betsy
With correct hair, eye and nipple color
You're gonna get me a titty plate?
You just don't bust those out that awesome
Oh, man your mom, Kris
You have no more awesome stories
I watched Three's Company
You watched Titty Plates

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Tags: Franklin Mint Breast feeding plates Kris Smith Resume Podcast.com mosquito fogger

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 31, 2007

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 08:53:52 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-31.mp3
Show: #427
Length: 31:53
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 31, 2007

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It's Halloween here in the states
Betsy points out my illness of the past few days
It feels like something is eating my guts
Pop upstairs and see Betsy is watching PBS HD
That's ok to watch tears on PBS in HD, at least she is watching HD
The grieving process and death
How much more depressing can it get?
Dead babies?
Betsy how can you feel good after that?
Let me transition Kris
This was a transition you just didn't let me get there
Gotta bring it back for the people
The email for it was vague
What are we exactly going for
Not you, not you, not you
It's at the Rosemont Theater
Right by airport with turbine exhaust blowing in our faces
Downwind of O'hare
I put up some of the photos
Those are like Twitter questions
What did you put?
Podcaster
And it filled the whole thing
The people, Bears, the people
None of them were excited to be there
What do you do?
Nothing
Who can't come up with something
Prepare!!!
Don't stand there it's not your mark
Turns out that at this, audition
There was no Pat or Vanna
Plumber pipe fitter
I like to do karaoke
That's perfect, queue the music, YMCA comes on
Merv says, 'no'
Energy drops right out of room
You gotta flow with it
I can see the pipe fitters doing the YMCA karaoke in towels at the lodge
Pipe fitters singing YMCA
I got nothing for it
If you get on stage you get a bobble head Pat or Vanna
That's another Croncast t-shirt
She's just a Wheel junkie
PBS nerds look just like me
No they thought I was the baseball player, Youka-something
They were like, "I didn't know you could hit with moobs"
I did a couple interviews with Tony Kahn and Gary Mott for Morning Stories
Hopefully it will get on
Thanks to Tony and Gary for hanging out and putting up with my podcasting talk
I'm feeling the venom here
Now I have nothing left on my life list but riding a llama
Llamenade serverd at 98.6 degrees

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune PBS WGBH Tony Kahn Gary Mott Morning Stories

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 29, 2007

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 11:05:03 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-29.mp3
Show: #426
Length: 27:30
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 29, 2007

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Last time I said super short show notes I was wrong . . . these are Twitter style notes

We start show - Thanks Markx for the meat
Show has a middle - Betsy's off to do Wheel of Fortune (send good vibes)
Conclusion of show at 27:30 - Thanks Rob Shore!

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Chicago Twitter Rob Shore Markx

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 26, 2007

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:22:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-26.mp3
Show: #425
Length: 29:27
Size: 20.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 26, 2007

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Super short show notes
I need to get to bed
Betsy is Wheel of Fortune crazed
The symptoms of crazy
You get money just for being on the show
It's your first hit of heroin
No you are drawing parallels between me and lab rats
Everyone gets excited about it
No you can't dumpster dive at night in an alley
I can't do it during the day
Well, you need backup
What did you say to me?
Thanks, Kris, for making me do the shows
It's paying off
Improv rocks
Casting calls suck
I have been on the casting side
Very personal
You don't have the balls to be a casting agent?

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Chicago improv classes dumpster diving industrials

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 24, 2007

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 08:33:26 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-24.mp3
Show: #424
Length: 26:23
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 24, 2007

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Here we come for Wednesday
You can check us out at C-R-O-N-C-A-S-T dot com
You are just being a sensitive nerd
Well, since I said I was leaving Room 214
Sure people can read between the lines
People do
Yeah, and that isn't a bad thing in this case
That's your life not mine Mr B
I don't care if you are not happy, because I am
I know your life plan isn't going all that well
Karma and me are on a date called my life plan
I wrote down my goals and passed them to the Secret
Some things . . . My religion is a mix of Universalist Unitarian and the Secret
I'm halfway through my list, step back
I called Empire Carpet
You did that already
That is what I am saying
Further down on my list
I have it on every life goal list
If I didn't know you I would think you live near an abandoned rock quarry in a trailer
Tell the people what it is
I want to be a contestant on The Wheel of Fortune
And they are coming to Chicago this weekend
Oh, baby
People, send me some good vibes!
It works for cocktail party small talk
I don't think so
They'll just remember you from the convenient store scratching tickets
The prizes are good today
In the past they weren't all that good
They ran out of ceramic dogs in 1986
Vanna has it going on
You have something for Vanna?
No
Either way that is disturbing
She looks like a Bratz Doll
Now you went and messed with Karma
You are blushing
Apologies to all who have email, commented
Things have been crazy here
Chicago has millions of people and more than one convention center
On my life list from last year I had wheel of fortune
You can't invite more people
What if they get on and you don't?
At least I will know someone who is on the Wheel
Congratulations to the Browns who welcomed their second child today
So what do you want for Christmas Kris?
iTunes is going to get Led Zeppelin
Pshhhhhhht, I can get you 35 CD's at Goodwill for $35 forget iTunes
The computer wants to capitalize the word internet
It was a special place in the sky like Itasca

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Tags: the Secret Led Zeppelin iTunes Wheel of Fortune Chicago Goodwill Bratz Dolls

download croncasts at twitter - via twitter

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:36:07 -0500

i added croncast archive to @croncastshows. downloads for every episode.

Tags: croncast archive twitter downloads

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 09:24:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-05.mp3
Show: #418
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

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It's TFF . . . Tell a Friend Friday
Here's what we got going on
Tons of comments coming in
Today will not be typical show . . . we're reading comments
Lots of entries in my haphazard Google contest
Finding the ones that were for the contest were hard
Now we need to figure out who the hell these people are
Not like your legs are broken
Just your Jaguar
It is the saddest looking thing
Tags are expired, hood ornament torn off, license plate holder Magic Erasered and leaking oil
Did I mention I haven't driven it for about 3 months?
The voting at Blogger's Choice Awards is difficult
Thanks to everyone who visited
We're gonna read the comments and contest entries
Comment - You parents can find you if they want.
Saggy Balls 101 wants to party
Comment - No need for video
He's a purist, like a biker
I would do it as a three camera shoot
5 minute wrap up of week
Comment - The karma comment
I full well expect it
Since I didn't swallow the scope I am not on same page
After they listen to about 3 of these shows, guaranteed
We've had this discussion
Bottom line, I expect it and would respect their decision
Keeping grammy close enough to make things normal
You never cared about me
Let's move on before we bore everyone
Comment - Curl that gun hand into a fist
Comment - Kid getting picked on
Same thing that they were doing already
Mob of gigantic kids jacked up Captain Crunch and Cartoon Network
While he is eating his Kix and watching PBS Sprout
Not to say that my kids are any different
You were picked on as a kids too
Yeah, it made me funnier
Hope your kids use it as material later
When I wrote it on my folder I meant it
Grunge stick figures
You're psycho
Move forward please
Our whole meeting . . . there were many times
I would have caught you slow driving in front of my house
Lesson in beatup karma
The pom-pom squad is not the delicate flowers
Doubt there was delicate flower that hadn't been had in your school
Vickie got her ass kicked by this girl
What brought this on? I know you sister
I'm not saying that it was provoked
My parents came together and went to school
Vickie is now planning class reunion
She gets a hunk of the class list
I tried to find the girl . . . but couldn't after her last arrest
She was offering sexual favors at the court house to pay her tickets
Attorney's are perfect
There is no client, paternity privaleg
Comment - When exactly were you two cool?
Part of my psychosis thinking I have been cool since birth
Probably a social disorder
I proved that I am not cool by taking you to nerd convention
Elbow deep in the back of a goat
Don't you remember goat cervix bangles?
I invented those
My dad was on Montel
And my baby sitter was Cindy Crawford
People have know me for 20-30 minutes before I tell them
We both have a lot of self-confidence
We went through crazy shit together
Captain of the pom-pom squad is not cool
Maybe in Sycamore
They went to drink out of the cow tank

Contest entries - if anyone of these is yours leave a comment with your email and I will get back to you to get your address for stickers

We read all of these on the show and tell some stories in between

1) croncast geek star kris and smoking Betsy are you still doing that? How are you going to locate a winner? by name? Robert
2) kris smith a man who can survive betsy
3) kris smith a man who gets locked in the basement by his loveing family
4) kris smith living the dream in naperville
5) croncast rockin to van halen
6) kris, this is your mom, I have a knife to send to maggie! give me your address!
7) worm farm sex
8) croncast betsy cow print
9) croncast betsy loves dawn
10) croncast Kris -"How are you going to know who submits the search?" -Kore Peterson -"The first to leave a comment for you via google."
11) croncast Kris get out of the basement and live life
12) croncast Kris loves John Elway Dodge
13) pics of sweet ASS street racing cars
14) betsy hates blue hair death to dawn
15) kris, out of puffy cuff goodle ideas
16) puffy cuffs are sexy
17) nerd bearded kris
18) +croncast Leave the comedy to Betsy
19) (kris betsy croncast) -"The blubbery bald bear's brawny baby batter befouled the bountiful, bodacious, bouncing boobies of betsy"

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STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Cartoon Network Magic Eraser TFF Evo Terra goat cervix bangles

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 03, 2007

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 08:20:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-03.mp3
Show: #417
Length: 31:01
Size: 21.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 03, 2007

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Bringing you the show for October 3rd
Be sly that that Google search person
It was good
New contest . . . Google you most creative result that gets you Croncast
You have to click through
You will win some stickers
The stickers were in your expo bag
Those gotta go out
Thanks to Steve, Mark, Rhonda and Craig
Betsy giving me looks as I slow down those names
They were at the live show
Betsy has some thoughts on the nerd convention
Every woman should visit one of these
There were no chicks there
1. No line for womens bathroom
You should be happy not to have many women while husband is away
Doing shots at the bar with Nick Starr
You are the hottest chick in the bar
Never happens to me in Naperville
It's an ego boost
It is so easy to compliment you people
You say something kind of clever . . .
Then I say, "I'm gonna twitter that"
Or say, "I am going to buy that domain"
Yeah, I used that a few times
Ahh, nerdom. I love it
Why don't we go to In and Out Burger again
Too much to handle
My lower colon just smiled at you
Twitter is addictive
It's like IM but one way
Do they build sonar into your phones?
You live in the dark
Come out into the light and you walk reading your device
Nobody has a iPhone hit the floor baby
It's not just guys
You have a vagina. You are supposed to be on my side
You are being so impolite, bears
I don't want to look like a nerd
No one calls each other at a nerd event
It's all sms baby, ping
Or we communicate by twitter
Swatting at invisible spiders
They are not nerd vacations . . . it's where business gets done
Everyone talks about what they have going on
Like Aaron Brazell mentioning mem_cache on MySQL
If I hadn't been on that trip I wouldn't have been able to share that with our developers
There were no babies or many wedding rings
I volunteered for something that I will pass to you, Kris
I have to decline
I do not want to volunteer for art class
It's no big deal Mr B
The children are making these collages
This is the most beautiful forest that I have ever seen
That's not your tree . . . that's your mother . . . oh!
Now I got to make a pipe cleaner cloud
It's all about balance
This flower . . . I can almost . . . smell it
Maybe a pipe cleaner porcupine?
It is the coolest funniest shit you've ever seen
We need rounded edges Mrs. Smith
Little boys making the "gun" hand on the playground
Fighting back instead of being pushed around
Being positive for the man
He has picked up a new habit that he is sticking with
Going full circle
Yes, my mom called 12 times today and left three voicemails
Would a neurologist have anything to look for in your ear?

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STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: iPhone twitter that nerdom Aaron Brazell nerd conferences

Kris Smith - New Media, RSS and Podcast Expert

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:43:14 -0500

Kristopher Smith
http://linkedin.com/in/ksmith
Naperville, IL 60565 (630) 445-1719 ● kris[at]palegroove.com

Career Objective

A leadership position with a company interested in benefiting from the opportunities presented by leading edge new media technologies where a commitment to innovative ideas and entrepreneurial spirit is recognized and rewarded.

Qualifications Summary:

Accomplished entrepreneur and strategist with a demonstrated history of success integrating new media technologies into existing platforms and campaigns for Fortune 500 companies.
Combined expertise in RSS and podcast development with an extended network of relationships with independent, corporate and mainstream media.
Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform that enables users to manage large libraries of content and maintain statistics privately.

Professional Experience

Room 214, Boulder, Colorado ● 1/2007-11/2007

Vice President, New Media

Leadership force for product development within an organization that integrates new media, public relations efforts, web marketing methodologies and technologies under cohesive systems that drive measurable calls to action via the Internet. Company services were solicited from some of the most recognized PR firms and creative agencies to positively impact corporate sales, brand awareness and communications.

Major Contributions:

Developed moderated media RSS feeds (mmRSS) for episodic and archived content delivery via RSS
Orchestrated product development and integration of emerging technologies such as Twitter and other social media APIs into Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform
Created and delivered new products from the Castlock code base, RSSignite and Episodr
Spearheaded integration of new media including podcasting and RSS into new client product offerings and marketing campaigns
Invigorated existing client marketing campaigns with new media elements
Directed digital media production from concept to final deliverable
Initiated research and development for RSS strategies and effective RSS search engine optimization
Served as company spokesperson at industry and new media events around the country

Career Note: As a representative of Room 214 and respected authority in the new media field I delivered the following presentations:

Podcast & New Media Expo (Sept. 2007) Ontario, CA.Compression Killed the Video Star
PodCamp NYC (Apr. 2007) New York, New York. Panel Podcast Open Metrics Initiative.
eLearning 2007 (Mar. 2007) Chicago, IL. Using RSS Feeds, Podcasts to Deliver Distance Education
Podcast Academy 5 (Feb. 2007) Duke University. Understanding Authenticated & Personalized RSS Feeds

Joint Commission Resources/Joint Commission, Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois ● 5/2005-12/2006

Associate Director, eLearning

Promoted to direct eLearning digital product development for Joint Commission Resources. Led innovations in delivery of information required to comply with the accreditation standards of the Joint Commission on Accredited Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO). JCAHO accreditation and certification is the standard of excellence in health care organizations.

Major Contributions:

Identified opportunities for new revenue streams utilizing innovative content delivery systems
Evangelized blogging and podcast initiatives to integrate new media technologies within the enterprise
Directed a division to develop digital products and manage legacy products focusing on increasing sales
Engineered courseware implementation, software, coding and course development for field cadre and central office employees
Disseminated educational training information to 400 global field staff via a custom RSS application

Palegroove Studios, Naperville, Illinois ● 2/2005-Present

Founder/CEO

Pioneered the start-up and development of the world's first podcast production company. Advised Fortune 500 clients on utilizing this medium to extend their brands. Developed podcasts from conception to deliverables which includes consulting with client on: show content, format, script writing, transcripts and creation of royalty free musical intros,outros and sweepers. Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform. Produced over 700 podcasts since 2005.

Podcasts Produced:

MasterCard, The Home Depot, Abbot Laboratories (2007)
Nascar Alltel Racing Podcast (2006 & 2007) produced podcasts in conjunction with XM Satellite Radio
NFL Alltel My Circle Podcast (2006 season) produced with nationally recognized radio talent from official team media outlets
Nascar Coors Light Racing Podcast for Coors Light (2006)
Fab 5 Summer '05 Podcasts produced for MTV Networks Affiliate Marketing (2005)
Developed and independently produced Croncast (2004-Present) delivered 3 times a week since November of 2004 and recognized by a number of media outlets including: The New York Times, Detroit Free Press, FOX News, and NBC (Chicago)

Career Note: As a successful entrepreneur and recognized expert in the podcast industry I delivered the following presentations:

PodCamp West (Nov. 2006) San Francisco, CA. Keynote panel The Future of New Media
Portable Media Expo (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. Leveraging Your Knowledge as a Podcasting Consultant
Podcast Academy 4 (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. Web Design for Corporate Podcasting

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois ● 5/2000-5/2005

Distance Learning Technical Support Specialist

Trained and supported university and college faculty throughout Illinois on the integration of technology into the classroom as part of ILLCO, a state funded initiative
Designed and developed all graphics, wrote code, recorded, edited and encoded all audio for a Flash virtual tour of the college campus for use online, CD-ROM and hybrid DVD
Recognized as innovator within organization promoted four times in five years

Languages

PHP, MySQL, RSS, XML, HTML

Audio/Video

Sound Forge, Acid Pro, WaveLab, Vegas, Waves, Fruity Loops

Blogware/Podcasting

Castlock and WordPress

Design/Interactive

Flash, Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator

Courseware

WebCT, aTutor, Scenario Studio, and HorizonLive

Education

BFA Visual Communication with an emphasis in Digital Design 2005

American InterContinental University, Hoffman Estates, Illinois

Associates of Arts Degree December 2000

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois

August 1993 December 1994

Bradley University, Peoria, Illinois

Tags: RSS guru Podcasting professional PHP Castlock New Media expert RSS expert