baby | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 24 Ep 04: Center Pieces, No Baby Prize, Elope Now

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:20:27 -0400

Episode: #604
Length: 27:20
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Fa Fa Fa Friday!
Great, great show today!!
Visualizing the date and month
On Facebook, right now
I never got to date her
I know that it is her birthday
That women is there
Well, happy birthday to the one Kris wishes he had
Making it out of a small town without having a kid is the grand prize
Anything after that is easy
Dating in the middle of Jersey
A minute is no longer a mile
A mile is no longer a minute
Totally upfront about getting it on with her
Is this a husband wife show?
You're my best friend at this moment
Good for you dude!
Total whore, total score
We're screwing around
Condomless
I will not be enticed
One that doesn't want to trapped
She totally wanted to catch a baby
If I were you I would have gone home and gotten a condom and come back
Can we get it back on dear?
I guess it is the Shilts blood pumping through my veins
That most blessed of all events
Getting hitched at 19
In a better universe you could come to my wedding
Just write a check
We could have done it up large in the Ozarks
Flip the wedding on it's head
Elope and go have some fun
I'm getting married . . .
Great . . .
Don't invite me
Find me a fat dress
Shiny to show off my creases
Damp white marks
Pay for it myself?
Yes.
We like the idea of rituals
It is the practice of rituals we're not so good at
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 24 Ep 04: A Sampling

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:06:11 -0400

Episode: #604 Sampler
Length: 4:10
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 23 Ep 14: Workaholism, Valentines Day, The Two New Yorks

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:51:03 -0500

Show: #549
Length: 30:04
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

The Valentines Day is coming
I won't forget, baby
Anniversary, yes. This, no.
Cards with hearts, what?
You do work, work but I do the rest
My workaholism smells like vodka
While I watch reality shows
Threatening them to go to bed
If I could work at VH1
You call that brainstorming
The art of casting them?
You are so flawed
But I love you
Working the ASPCA
You lured a stray dog into your car?
Ruining fast food forever
The franchise agreement
The two New Yorks
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: aspca collecting cans valentines day VH1 reality shows

Season 23 Ep 14: Croncast Sampler

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:47:47 -0500

Show: #549-Sampler
Length: 4:02
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: aspca collecting cans valentines day VH1 reality shows

Season 23 Ep 09: Daddy Justice, Aluminum Lined, Long Memory

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:06:28 -0500

Show: #544
Length: 28:09
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Hey hey
Thos comments are gonna flow
Yes, i've had hamsters before
This would be a fourth
Well, it is a fourth
How did you have four hamsters?
What happened to them?
Kris tells a story that should never be told
I don't want to go into all of the things I learned in La Moille
You set me up for a lifetime of chores
I didn't walk away
I'm still here
No matter how much like a midget New Yorker and it's cute it won't work
As it is we can't have the landlord in to fix anything
Just don't tell Mommy
Daddy's buying me a hamster
You have no idea
I do know
Feral hamsters don't count, Kris
Glow in the dark ball back in the day
Pets didn't last me all that long
I tried to cram it down the Sesame Street slide
No it didn't die
Does you mom still have that?
It ain't a rabbits foot, it's a hamster foot
Look, is was common at that time
Aluminum foil on the bottom
What?
That is what they said to do
Who?
The people at the pet store
<-- sampler show ends -->
That is the way it was done
Was it like 1840 Louisiana?
It didn't do him any good
Just like you didn't end up with straight arms
The way that it is
If he's smart he won't eat it
Was your crib lined with foil?
He decided to do himself in
Brittle plastic bottom
It was a bird cage
I can't even look at you
Why did he die? I don't know
I highly doubt you had a hamster
It was really a dead parakeet
This is my friend Pete
No wonder the neighbor kids never played with me
Oh my god, that is dumb!
Maybe it got bird food
I lived in a blissful bubble till I met you
Oh, baby
Dylan's Candy Bar is worth the trip to NYC with kids
Maybe I shouldn't have done it
She will never forgive me
She's got a great memory
Don't go buy a hamster
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: hamster pet store dylan's candy bar new york la moille

Season 23 Ep 07: Green Pants, Entering the Scene, Chicagowaukee accent

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:40:15 -0500

Show: #542
Length: 30:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

I walk out on the stoop every morning to pick up the Times
I have on my robe, bunny slippers
You wish you could afford the Times
That's true
Or had a stoop of my own
Trampled by clicking heels heading out of the building
What I like about New York is you can count on people
You can trust them
However, you can't trust the New Yorkers that wear green pants
They will slam doors on you
Push you off the curb in front of a bus
The have an alliance with leprechauns
It's true
Trying to transcribe your kids homework from accented folks
We couldn't understand each other
You're accented now too, baby
You've toured the midwest
They can't understand you
Your Chicagowaukee accent
It's all about dominance in NY
Passive dominance is the flavor of the relationship
It's like entering an improv scene
Costco in the city experience
99/100 emails are for you
We did get noticed on the street
We handled it horribly
The kids were like what?
Really you know who I am?
The walking class is stuck during the NYC marathon
Only people left were us and the runners

Tags: Chicagowaukee leprechaun bunny slippers NYC marathon

the hottest woman i know | @reslaequeen | good gawd, baby.

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 21:10:41 -0500

every time that betsy decides to go out with friends she has me take her photo.

probably, because it isn't that often that she gets to let her hair down and be an adult.

she does a saint's work with us. elliot, maggie and myself owe so much to her unsung work holding this family together.

i love her with all my heart and cherish the time that we have together. or maybe i constantly take it for granted and should be appreciative more often than when i am looking at your photo when you're not here?

baby, i love you.

i'm going to wait up for you and give you a big hug when you walk through the door. i might even cry because i am happy.

you are the best thing that ever came into my life and stuck around.

Tags: work photo often together baby

Season 23 Ep 01: The New York Days Begins, Feral Las Vegas Cats, Costco Lust

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:45:58 -0500

Show: #536
Length: 40:05
Format: mp3

Thank you!
To all those that are cool . . . you rock!
If you're not cool, you can get cool
Why start on the 13th?
I can't avoid the number - I should embrace it
It's always in my address
Homeless guy that sleeps in front of only that address
Working on the streaming version player
Will be ready by Friday
How should I know that 3XL in gay is in XL?
I thought things were fancy in Naperville
Until I experienced Elliot's public school
Can anyone ring the bell at NYSE or NASDAQ?
Grammy tickets?
Where is this place and who are these people?
Having a nice car in New York
She has a huge Range Rover
What are we?
We're the Walking Class
Party at the wine bar for the parents
I don't have a baby sitter
No worries, my nanny can watch your kids too
Thanks but I can't get there
Don't worry my husband has a car service
I was just at Costco, you bitch
No idea how I would even get there
The suburban delights are missing here
No alone time here
What kind of hell is to be in Las Vegas for a week
You would sleep with a girl named Debra
I did leave Miss Debra to do her thing
My hotel turned out to be a motel
And yes it had feral cats
I could hear water dripping
Sure, that was the dead hooker in the wall
Fresh sponge paint on everything
If you had been raised with a vagina
You never would have accepted that room
Setting me for slaughter
I thought I was dead
You have a story to tell me Mr B
Friday, baby
It is too long
You went to a penthouse party in Las Vegas
No, a Penthouse party in the VIP
I've got no idea how to describe it

Tags: Get Cool NYSE The New York Days Miss Debra No tell motel

Croncast The New York Days

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:25:05 -0500

Croncast - 2009-12-31.mp3
Show: #535
Length: 8:42

Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Croncast the New York Days Begins on January 13th!
We're making some changes
The new shows are paid subscription
Sign up on the Get Cool page
New York is like living on an elevator
You're all up in everyone's business
You try to relax but you can't
No one can
All of the pet roles have been recast
Keeping it subterranean
We can't do a full episode, baby
Has New York changed these people
What sort of sales pitch is that
You got to pep it up!
Getting Cool 4 Life
That is the patron level
They love what we do and want to support it
People can unsubscribe at anytime
No missed days . . . we gots obligations
We also have a new live video show
That starts January 18th
It's called High Society Salvage Co.
All new, all kinds of awesome
I've got Chanel suits to auction off
All kinds of weird stuff
In conjunction with Tim Street we'll be cranking that one out
Begin subscribing by going to Get Cool
It's all good people!
Kris's cheap chair implodes during the outro
Couldn't have planned it better
It's funny to other people
All part of the story
All the old shows will still be free on the site and on iTunes
New start for us number 447
2010 here we come!

Tags: New York Kris Smith Betsy Smith paid podcast subscription unique rss feed

Season 22 Ep 07: Betsy's Clairvoyant, You're Grounded, Gameshow Desires

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:20:41 -0400

Croncast - 2009-06-16.mp3
Show: #533
Length: 25:51
Size: 23.8 mb
Format: mp3

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What you don't have is the funny
I'm bringing it to over 40 people Thursday nights
All in the old Seinfeld time slot
What are you up against?
Oh, yeah . . . ER reruns
They used to stay home for Greys Anatomy
Not so hot early on
Doing the shows for your cousins
12 people versus 50 and percentage laughing
Well, I can see you telling a joke in a restroom
All about pumping your ego up
Two fangirls waiting for me
Thinking they can't find the bathroom
"Oh, my god. You were so funny."
Bitsy's door star - they can't speel
The bicycle issue
There is no issue . . . I am the BMX'n boy
Kris, I couldn't ride a bike until I was 10
That is the plan the man is on
He got my physical genes
My neighbors got rich of off my physical ineptitude
I learned to ride in the grass
Of course you did softy
I saw a malleable four year old girl in front of me
She wanted to go fast
Daddy, go get the tool box
She takes the wrench from me
Takes the training wheels herself
Took 2 minutes to get her going
Then 20 to get her starting off on her own
Loving it for the freedom
Number one for her was freedom
The second is that Elliot can't ride a bike
She pointed it out, Not me
A stranger isn't going the pick the nutty kid
The other was her fear of punishment
She tried to give up
I motivated her
She got so upset that she just did it
All kids are different and need different motivational techniques
Just a wee bit of manipulation
One teaspoon of manipulation and one of sweat
You gotta throw in some love
You know that I am clairvoyant Mr B
Baby, you can't tell people that
That is just too much
Walking to school in a Marlboro Jacket
They had a denim one that I wanted
You could deduce that knowing my history
Betsy is ready to restart her career as a game show contestant
When you hit the track you become a robot
I'll be back later, I got ponies to read up on

Tags: Seinfeld bmx game show ponies fangirl

Season 21 Ep 22: The Mexico Part 1

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:51:06 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-23.mp3
Show: #522
Length: 32:12
Size: 29.6 mb
Format: mp3

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Back from the Mexico
This here would be part 1 of a multi-part series
This is where we take you on our vaction with us
I think I've been drinking excessively
She sweats the daiquiri
For those of you caught up, you know that we weren't around last week
We were on Betsy's Wheel of Fortune vaction to Mexico
Best part - it was free
I'll get to the parts where you nearly broke down
Props on the plastic plants you bought
Excellent investment for returning home
Growing up in a silk jungle
Dusty cornflower blue carnations
These flowers are special
They will be here forever
At some point you know that your mother-in-law will show up
Thank you for admitting that you didn't want to go with me
You can't relax for your life
Right, I can't do it
My biggest concern was the webernets close at hand
I had to have wi-fi
And your gear
One laptop, a netbook, iPhone, Treo, Camera and tons of cables
There you are a big nerd
That's just the way that it was
I don't want to take him on a vacation
What happens if you don't have them and need them?
Getting on Facebook drunk is a bad idea
They have an international speaking doctor on staff
Mayan vs Spanish vs English
He had watched 6 seasons of ER
The Swedish Slenders came up with Continental airplane designs
Hulking massive dude in the cramped seat typing on a toy computer
The women sitting behind you Mr B inspired them
They had their own "Baby Daddy Con '09"
Loose women? Is that what you are trying to say
The entire flight "My Baby Daddy..." the entire trip
The way they talked about them you would expect their baby daddies to be titans of industry
Best job I ever had was working at the shrimp hut
Needless to say that they didn't have any kids with them
Was excited she got to run cash register
Maybe in 2010 Baby Daddy Con '10 will be on your next flight
Keynote speaker will address "fertility in tough times"
If Jeanie were here
We would have started drinking and laughed at the girls
The best in flight entertainment
I am fixated on the Mayan the thing
It's a cultural thing
Continental bathrooms in the terminals, good god
I needed a ladder to get down to the urnial to pee
Not on the plane, baby
They were out to make you out to feel like 7'5
Continental "Making you feel like a big man."
Mexican customs
Betsy comes to a complete stop and follows directions
Abiding by the rules while no one else is
Move it, chocha
Chocha is now my new middle name
Why didn't we plan for a ride to resort?
Jumping on the newbies
Look, fat people on spring break
Kris gets into protection mode
We roll outside to get on your Grey Line minibus
Only two people heading in our direction
The girls from Montana
We're out there chatting for an hour as we wait
They pull up in a baja raced VW Jetta
Us and the girls pile in
The driver waits outside reading the directions the girls gave him
Twenty minutes later he gets back in the car
Little did we know what was written on that paper
If they had given to me, I would have kicked them to the curb
Find out what was on that paper on Wednesday

Tags: Mexican Vacation Dreams Tulum Baby Daddy Con daiquiri mix chocha

Season 21 Ep 21: Doggy DNA Test, Marsupial Wife, Trustafarians

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:10:28 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-13.mp3
Show: #521
Length: 30:57
Size: 28.2 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Here we are
March 13th, 2009
Yep, I said it
iTunes has a new fancy feature
Still us reviews
"Betsy's good...Kris is better"
The studio space, manpit remodel has helped my mental state
What are you reaching for?
Betsy is wearing a hoody
Paper in front pocket
My marsupial wife
Doggy DNA test results have arrived
I wish you get down with the fact that Herc is a porn star
My fauxberman is . . .
Want to find out? We get into at 1:50 into the show
He's 25% nothing?
WTF? how much did you pay for this
Finding out what composes a vajayjay slayer
His doberman shining
American terrier? uh no
Picking him up from the rescue
I expected as everyone else did he would be full grown dobie
The Amex Full Panel Mixed Breed Analysis says . . .
Well, my emotions are getting the best of me
No more pitbull in sweater photos please
Betsy's new show is rocking like crazy
Elliot's teacher is sitting front row
Oh, baby
You're like a stress bunny
Sure when you were baked
You have to check out Betsy's facebook profile
See her college shots that Jeanie uploaded
Do you have a trust fund too?

Tags: dog dna test Amex Panel Mixed Breed Analysis fauxberman trustafarian

Season 21 Ep 11: The Kitty's Gone, CarMax Sale, Kelly Blue Book

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 12:14:43 -0500

Croncast - 2009-02-11.mp3
Show: #511
Length: 33:56
Size: 31.2 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by Affordable Promotions
Pick a post, any post to leave a comment
You can leave a comment for our 2012 shows
It's a whole new internet that I developed on my own
Valentine's day is 3 days away
Buy you love an "I love you baby USB drive"
You gave me the best gift ever Mr B for Valentines Day
Conversion van jokes search this site for John Elway
I read a thread
Ping me when you're ready
So you're reading this thread about CarMax
Supposedly they pay close to Kelly Blue Book for car
Saved by a bucket of chicken
Selling a car privately
Was much to worry about
The slow drive-by in the Ford Explorer
It's the same person
I've been to that garage sale
The same Velma
That would be Vonda
CarMax gives you an appraisal
So we go for it
The Volvo will be sold
Picking it up after detail
The car knew
The dash lit up with warnings
30 minutes later all good
We decide to get both cars appraised
Well, Kris' gift?
The photo above says it all
Trunk full of auto parts and a mechanic strapped to bumper
But we still did something that Dave Ramsey would frown on
Hit up the casino last week
It felt really good to be really bad . . . on a budget
What is so hot to ladies about a man that plays the tables?
No oxygen tank

Tags: Jaguar CarMax appraisal Kelly Blue Book Dave Ramsey

Season 21 Ep 07: We've got three, Manternity clothes, Old Spice Pirate

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:31:16 -0500

Croncast - 2009-02-02.mp3
Show: #507
Length: 27:28
Size: 25.7 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by Podiobooks.com
Betsy starting her own line of manternity clothes
You need to try harder baby
I have never worn Old Spice
But I keep looking over my shoulder for a sailor
Tell us your thoughts on eliminating our car loan debt
To do so properly get the skinny from the last 5 minutes of the show

Tags: Lincoln Town Car Manternity dairysnake Old Spice Pirate

Season 20 Ep 25: The Audition, What's Next, Life in the Can

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:03:55 -0400

Croncast - 2008-06-18.mp3
Show: #500
Length: 29:13
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Last time I have to listen to this!
You know you like my voice, Baby
I am surprised you are not crying
It's like a Hallmark Holiday
I just wanted to make sure we hit 500 shows
Back in the day with the old gear
Doesn't it seem like you are creating more work?
Not really
Transitioning into something new
The new show is "Life in the Can"
You can get the new shows at www.lifeinthecan.com
Three days a week still and a weekly best of the three shows
The first show will be released Thursday June 27th, 2008
We're excited about the new show
It would be rad if you and I could work together
Getting paid to do the shows would be great
I went to Jeanie's house last night
Cracking open the hand carved lesbian door
No crumpled up High Life cans
The Eden like backdrop
Deer walked right up
She had deer prints on her roof
Training ground Santa's deer
Getting them presents for the house
Populating her yard with beasts
Show up and build an Arc too
Betsy "Noah" Smith
I get wait to Zeus out there
You had a part of your E Hollywood True Story
The Improv dinner theater audition
I purposely didn't tell you this, Kris
What?
Where the auditions were being held
Ok
Where was it?
At Culver's
Oh, Baby
Did you get a milkshake afterward?
Your first audition was at a fast food restaurant
It proves you want it
It's embarrassing but it does prove you want it
I'm proud of you
Most people wouldn't have gone
What's more uncomfortable than going to open mic night?
Listening to open mic night stories
We have no context for this
How did it make you feel?
Maybe she is a biker
Going out on a high note
Thanks to everyone for throwing in their support for the show
In the effort to Keep the Archive Alive
That would be funny
No it's not
Thanks for listening to everyone
Whether it has been 500 or 12 shows, thank you
We've had a great time doing the show
The new show is, Life in the Can - www.lifeinthecan.com
You just can't end it Mr B! Can you!
Keeping you happy three days a week with a bonus
Thank you for letting us entertain you.

Tags: iPhone Life in the Can LitC High Life Hallmark Holliday

baby general

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 19:55:49 -0400

the nutcrackers take orders from this creepy toddler doll that appears to be in charge of all other elements in the window.

Tags: appears charge elements window doll

Season 20 Ep 20: Photos, Old Shuffling Posse, Professional Tic

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:25:15 -0400

Croncast - 2008-06-06.mp3
Show: #495
Length: 30:25
Size: 20.9 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Oh, the 2008
Comments on the photos
I'm a what?
You're a good amateur photo taker, Bears
I never made it to the sweetest Goodwill in the world
When was that?
San Francisco, it just wasn't meant to be
Look at you all up on the Oprah stuff
I got my eye on those celebrities
I knew today was going to be a great day
Because the Lutherans were having a sale
Garage Sales are euphemisms for "Party on the Driveway"
You were benevolent enough to babysit
It is either a ghost or an alien in front of me
You should be so lucky
Space Ghost!
You can convince me of anything
I got to the sale kind of late
The guy from the furniture tent comes out an yells
That we can hop into a new line that is shorter
I was torn
They can have stuff in multiple questions
I think you will reach a point, your peak of sales skills
We should freeze dry you at that point
Then revive you in the future when the dollar is strong
It will be like a time machine
Betsy, you bring it
The dollar is still strong with the Lutherans
Double check the luggage later
I stand in line to wait for the dishes
I need my fine china fix in their housewares sections
I brought bags and I have adrenaline flowing in my limbs
Oh, look, Christopher Stewart
This is when I started to look like a nut
Started?
Slow shuffling old posse arrived
Those match my dishes
I love those
Are you going to buy those?
I am now just to spite you
You wasted my time with your story
They're rookies baby
You are con-garagies
They send the 12 year old anemic boy to help me carry stuff
She's now a professional tic
She went and bought speakers from Farm and Fleet
I love it, speakers from Farm and Fleet
I am sure you are related to people that duck taped their heads That is the truth
Duck taping down his pants
Especially when fired up the chainsaw
The tape suit
Class issues really stand in your way Mr. B
"Transvestite's getaway car ran over good Samaritan's foot"
Words make the world magnificent

Tags: Space Ghost Farm and Fleet speakers Lutheran sale Naperville

Season 20 Ep 19: San Francisco Part 2, The Meetup

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:25:08 -0400

Croncast - 2008-06-04.mp3
Show: #494
Length: 41:59
Size: 28.8 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

We're back for part two of San Francisco
The pre pre-school baby is in a kissing phase
She kissed a diseased baby
Then she kissed me and now I am infected
Other than daddy just do
I can blame it on her cuz I got the documentation
Her encrusted nostril in photos
I could track back the vector of my illness
Yes, you are the carriers
Listen to Croncast, "They argue with one another in their basement"
We rank with NPR shows in the post
How are we different than any other shows?
Funnier
Let the woman talk
No love for this man
I didn't get a party when I was there
Heading to the meetup at House of Shields
What if no one shows up?
People were bound to show up
Four people showed up
I am so glad that I disappointed you in a positive way
David, Sam, Russ and Katherine

The Meetup: Left to Right: Russ, Sam, Katherine (in back), David, Betsy (in blue), Jeanie

David has been listening for a long time
A very long time
He was in college, birthday, marriage to attorney
Look back at things that have happened while we have been doing the show
Schlomo gave us the space
It was dark, with a kicked over chair
That is HoS
Russ got a pre-smoking ban chair with an ashtray built into it
This is where we made the mistake
We started drinking right away, heavily
Jeanie kept up with me drink for drink
Mind you she is one third my size
We left the meetup to go dancing
More drinks
Then Jeanie starts dancing with a bearded Marylin Monroe
Having a great time and we stiffed them on the cab
Just drunk bitches we were
We gotta get to sleep
We have things to do the next day
We surface at 10 am
Jeanie didn't get out of bed till 3
I see a pattern with your Jeanie vacations
Remember Chef Jeff?
Back in my skinny days
Now I'm chubby
There's a food shortage I'm good for 8 weeks
At 8pm Mrs. and Mrs Smith are going to hop on a romantic cruise
They should have named it, "The Good Ship Jagermeister"
A little romantic music for you
If I tried to do that with my friends Evan or Mike
So the next day we rent a car
And we end up dumped in a pile of homeless people
They're like day of the dead zombies
Here comes the scariest wican beast i have ever seen in my life
This weather beaten hag pops up in the window
Shit happens, some people aren't what you expect
Are we on the road to Guerneville?
You can't do that with a kind vegan sister
A big coin receptacle
"I'm saving up to clone my cat, donations welcome"

Tags: San Francisco Guerneville Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen meetup

Season 20 Ep 18: You know, you don't have to call her your friend anymore.

Wed, 28 May 2008 12:43:20 -0400

Croncast - 2008-05-28.mp3
Show: #493
Length: 28:21
Size: 19.5 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Good grief we are back
Thanks to Betsy for showing back up
You come back from San Francisco wearing my clothes
Up sidles a Wrangler wearing Milwaukee chick
She's checking me out
Of course she is
"So what are you doing in San Francisco?"
"I'm here with my friend."
"You don't have to call her your friend anymore."
The spandex blend is alive and well
You can look at Iowa from behind and know it's Iowa
The smell of Dubuque jumps off
The hills and the highway
I drive better than those taxi drivers
Don't look forward
You check carry on bags?
Yes, need to keep her creams and powders
The vacation schedule
The romantic cruise
We just wanted crab
The Russians followed me from Goodwill
Our waiter wanted to argue
Today, today it is my first day
Crab comes with nothing?
No one comes between Jeanie and her side salad
Dungeness crab is a mud spider
She called me a hot mess in Cantonese
We end up at a tea shop in China town
White hippie chick running it
In sweeps hippie number one
She's totally a trust fund baby
Character after character after character
You can make tea from anything
Why didn't you stop and ask a homeless person?
I didn't realize you were green with dots . . . what the hell do you have?
Mr B, this is my town though
I knew it once I stepped off the plane

Tags: San Francisco Tea House dungeness crab wrangler pants

the missus

Sun, 25 May 2008 12:56:54 -0400

my baby is back in town and driving my car. ahhhhhh, the way things used to be last week.

Tags: ahhhhhh used week car driving

day 3 without my lady - via twitter

Thu, 22 May 2008 23:10:12 -0400

yes, she's having fun with jeanie in sf, but i miss my baby. see you sunday mrs. smith. xoxoxo

Tags: i luv betsy i need u

Season 20 Ep 10: Transvestite Mennonite, MC Hammer, Baby Spiders

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:58:26 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-30.mp3
Show: #485
Length: 28:03
Size: 19.8 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

I pulled a muscle in my back
My spider bites
It's a back wall injury
Like in the Mist
Where the privileged people are
At the Intercontinental hotel
I ordered my drink
You need to try it
Jaegermeister and Bailey's?
It makes me want to cover my ears
How much do they charge for that?
It depends
The bartender appeared to be a Stanford math major
How much do you want?
Top it off on the rocks, half Jaeger and half Bailey's
Well, we pour in ounces
I don't care what pour, just fill it up
When have you counted
You are an asshole
I'm not an asshole
How many ounces would you like?
What kind of question is that?
I would have turned you into a zombie
Was $30 a drink
Puffy Cuffs to a whole new level
She had already poured them
A mixer usually has small amount of alcohol
They should charge normally
I need to carry my own stuff
Buy a mixer full of ice to mix my own
You pay for the atmosphere
But most have to leave early to get to a meeting
$30 bucks a drink you better get some atmosphere
Turns out MC Hammer was hanging in the lobby
I missed it
I was three feet from him
He looked nothing like I would have expected
Taller than I thought
They have small man complex and work harder
Shaped like a potato these days
He would have showed all of his potato parts
He has an internet startup
It's like youtube but with dance videos
There's a new character on the scene at Goodwill
Who is it?
I don't know his/her name
What?
It is a Transvestite Mennonite
I had awkward pause seeking gender
I blanked
I needed to know boy or girl to return communication
You should do a back bend

Tags: MC Hammer the mist transvestite mennonite spider bite jaegermeister and bailey's

Season 20 Ep 8: Husband in the Bubble, Carbon Dioxide Vampires, Nock

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:14:07 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-21.mp3
Show: #483
Length: 38:15
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

One day to Earth Day
Elliot has been telling me about the poor suffering pandas for ten days
He was telling me the acid rain was burning the pandas
Which was causing them not to have babies
He asked me if I knew what trees were
He's so much like his mom
He says, "Trees are carbon dioxide vampires"
I told him that would be a great band name
He didn't get it
Two worlds collided
You bought this badminton set at Goodwill
At a garage sale
Well, it came from out of the house
Husband in a bubble
Whatever you had taught him was wrong
Proper badminton form
Let me show you
What? What you learned at La Moille badminton school?
I can't believe you tried to describe this
What the hell are you talking about?
Your boy cannot do overheard
Oh, baby
I won't even listen to you and your un-athletic skills
It's good he's not you, Kris
He just doesn't get it as I am trying to help him
You're a like a lion in the grass
Look at that birdie fly
He can't hit it back and forth
I wanted to work with him
And you wonder why he doesn't want to play with you
You are a weird nerd jock hybrid
You're a NOCK
He'll have flash backs
Badminton is where business gets done
Watching his badminton future crumbles before my eyes
Don't send the hate mail
I get it
I need to engage with him on another level
He's going through a growth spurt
He's 7 asking if the weather is changing
Sensitive to barometric pressure
Taking the kids to lunch
Ted's Montana Grill
Ted's Buffalo Hut
There is nothing more environmentally friendly than buffalo farming
What are you saying? Twice as much methane
Maggie is all about it
Elliot looks at Ted's Bison Hut
Looks left and says, I just want Subway
"I won't get a bag of chips with my burger"
Wanted to do something a bit special
He says, "Dad, I don't like fancy. I like Goodwill and Subway."
Half the time he is working on bits
What's 10 minus 8?
I think you owe me $2, Mom
I get to the foreclosure/divorce house
Ring the door bell
The laundry basket was longaberger
It was like you designed the house
There was a beautiful chandelier in his bathroom
He wanted $1,800 for it
Then he says, "I paid $23,000 for it."
They make excellent copies of this at Menards
Then, Mr B, there it was
I became the sucker
Do you like the table?
It happens
How much do you want for the table?
Well . . .
I paid $12,000 for it
This is a garage sale
The table turned to fire when he told $2,300
Can you grab me something out of that crystal wine in the box holder
It was so McMansion
It was like he was trying to get on Cribs and it didn't work out
Same outfit as yesterday
Because he is single now

Tags: Longaberger suffering pandas acid rain Ted's Montana Grill McMansion

Season 20 Ep 7: Koi Pond of Death, Kipp, Horticulture Authority

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:01:19 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-18.mp3
Show: #482
Length: 26:40
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Kris is all business all the time
I am business baby even when I sleep
You're on Twitter 24/7
I was dreaming about API's
That is why I slept through the earthquake
Why you should be like me
Fifth graders would listen
It is like dreaming about math
What parent wouldn't say, "I would like my kid dreaming about math"
You can't negative criticism
The survey we ran for one year
The likes and dislikes are finally available
It's not that
"He laughs at nothing"
The laugh is used to fill in the gaps
Go back and listen to the first few shows with gaps
No one is addicted to your laugh
I say addicted to laughing in general
It is good for you
Adam Curry released some demographic data
So with that I will release all survey that we did later today
STICKERS - first 10 people to send me their address from the contact page
GET - a sticker
Swearing was a thing we did a lot of
We've gone through iterations
Your mom draining her tub
My options were here or next to the sump pump
The outdoor work began around here
Anything I try to do never works
We know this Betsy
The neighbor's chemically altered grass
The grass is smart it knows not even to cross property line
Raised timber bed
Longtime listeners might remember the coi pond
The koi pond of death
I hire them to clean up the yard, remove some timbers and edge my mulch
People that run their own business have psychological problems
They do it because they can't get a normal job
Anybody can be a landscaper
Kipp's Lawn Repair
Kipp is name of death
Just says drug habit
I ask him for a quote
He's a horticulture authority
You could sell his rotten lumber
ReplacementDeckParts.com
That should be your next business
Green has become a scam in many ways
AAA1 Steve
Are you bonded?
Yes, I've posted bond before
Oh, no
That sort of happened with the Comcast guy
He'd done time
Or as he said, "I did a bit"
He hadn't seen his kids in years
That TV would fit right out that window
I got my eye on them
I don't trust them ever
Betsy is soo like Daniel Day-Louis in There Will Be Blood
Upton Sinclair wrote the book just for you
Would you quit junking for $1 million?
I couldn't do it
That would only last you 3-4 months, Kris
Right, 50ould go to the divorce
Banking where you used to live
You mail stuff to your bank?
Well, it's an hour long drive

Tags: Koi Fish croncast stickers horticulture authority Upton Sinclair Daniel Day-Louis

Season 20 Ep 4: 11 Days, Drew Peterson, Elevator Pitch

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:34:53 -0400

Croncast - 2008-04-11.mp3
Show: #479
Length: 26:37
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

I is swamped my people. Show notes take another on the chin. If anyone has the time to put some show notes together for this episode feel free to and send them on I'll put them in here and give you a huge shout out, like, where I say your name loudly.

Shout out goes to BigJon - super player and show note maker

Show Notes:
Croncast intro
11 more days to Earth Day
Dry crocodile skin
Welding company hand model
Cooking show video
No wrist bones
Fitness routine
Armchair critic
Addiction to nitrates
Living ex-pat life
Aversion to guns
Comments on moving
House hunting in SF
Good schools and Thrifty Republicans
Drew Peterson on Larry King
Looking in the woods near us
Stacey Peterson signs
Police officer son
We got 911!
Baloney sandwiches with mayo
Year of guys in our area to murder their wives
Divorce reasons
Big insurance policy
Follow the news trucks
Scumbag
Watersealing basements
A-Town van, one eye, mullet, and prison tats
Would have given him a shot
Don\'t marry that guy
Heavily medicated shoe salesman
Temper tantrums
Who liked him?
Panic attack
Other perspectives
Missing a leg...last shot
I won
Wow, he looked me in the eye!
Garage saling
Un-employed babysitter
30 garage sales
Love garage sales by default
Kris must love you
Horrible at math
No more baby shit
Garage sale notes
Legalized gambling
Know your people
Capri Sun + Toddlers
Melting down silverware
The gay doctor
Crap in the dining room
Barb and daughter china junker service
Croncast outro
Coming to an end...

Tags: iPod Bolingbrook best laugh elevator pitch share croncast