bad | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

100 subtle drops

Tue, 31 May 2011 21:18:41 -0500

Tags: drops subtle

bad sandwich. better smoke.

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 06:36:08 -0500

Tags: smoke better sandwich bad

Hobo Cloth, Dance Party, Mr Lecter

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 23:14:20 -0600

Episode: #705 | Length: 24:54 | Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Hobo Cloth

Tags: betsy smith kris smith new york nyc the good

Uptown Hooking, Needle Exchange, Doorman Conspiracy

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:56:56 -0500

Episode: #659
Length: 34:34
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

How you doing?
Not a good cop question
Auxiliary police
No more smoke breaks for you
Date night
Was a bad idea to tell her that
The needle exchange
No Black Keys for you

Tags: hooking smoke break auxilliary police needle exchange

Season 26 Episode 09: The Croncast Shorty

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:51:25 -0500

Episode: #659 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 3:20
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

How you doing?
Not a good cop question
Auxiliary police
No more smoke breaks for you
Date night
Was a bad idea to tell her that
The needle exchange
No Black Keys for you

Tags: hooking smoke break auxilliary police needle exchange

Factory Days, Track Spikes, Pickup Technique

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 17:21:36 -0500

Episode: #637
Length: 26:32
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Lady getting technique
I had to review it
Say the most offensive thing possible
It is the shock and awe campaign
Left are the crazies
Factory break time
I was really bad at it
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: pick up line shock and awe crazies factory work

Season 25 Episode 12: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 17:18:14 -0500

Episode: #637 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:12
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: pick up line shock and awe crazies factory work

no badge? no put fire out - nyc

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:13:14 -0600

Tags: nyc fire badge

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

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Back to the normal . . . sort of
The accidental finders
People searching for cul de sac goatee
People search for that?
We last left you with the heavy mood
That's not what we're about
We're about the laughs
And I brought a funny story
Evidently they didn't have
Keep on bringing it haters
This is from your psycho needy wife
Yeah, hey loser in Fremont, we will continue to block you
Two-thirds of the opportunities are in the NYC
Start-ups are on a short life cycle
Whole life transformation . . . from cul de sac to walk-up
We have lived a city lifestyle before
I just want to have the ability to get another gig without moving after this
We have a lot of listeners in the New Jersey
Figuring out the trade-offs
Closet smoking in the garage
I need to stop that
If you want to have an f'ing discourse ping me
We're 85 percent sure that this is the path
You need to stop watching SVU
Every private school kid is committing the crimes
Mommy is an art dealer
Daddy is an architect
They are never around
Caught in the hot tub
The funniest shit happened to me
When doesn't it
I go outside the comedy shrine to have a smoke
And I locked eyes with a completely naked man
He looked at me like I had infringed his naked time
Was there a reason for him to be naked in his Escalade
This is prep for NYC
I feel like I'm just trying to be normal
And then there is the naked guy!
What time of day was this?
Noon
What was he doing?
I don't know!
You can't help but look at naked people
What do Republicans do at lunch hour?
They have naked time in their car
Rub their nudey butt cheeks on the seat
This had to be a hook-up
A bad Craig's List story
You could write SVU
It had to be Craig's List
You gotta give me the details
He also had hairy shoulders
The clothing party

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Season 21 Ep 25: The Breadwinner, Unhandicapped Joke, You'd Love it Here

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:45:36 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-13.mp3
Show: #525
Length: 32:37
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

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Where the shows been?
I'm not well
Hear it in the voice
Why do men get sicker than women?
It is like quantum mechanical
Betsy, he looks really bad
No one was validating
You had a temp of 98.6
That's high for me
Legitimately sick and you just make fun of me
I talked with two people this week
That's it
It manifested as fevers, rashes, sweats, bumps
Let's give the run down
New IRS debt, no longer employed by BlogTalkRadio, starting a new business
Venture Capital is tight and requires travel
Betsy lays it all down . . . what I've learned in comedy . . . so far
Well, you are being paid
That $40 a week is going to take us through
You gotta finish strong
I picked the handicapped guy and made the most inappropriate joke
Well, the audience knew he was handicap . . . but I didn't
Later in the show my pants starts falling down
No laughs at this either
Here I am walking down the street
So what's going on with you guys then?
I'm not going to list it out again
Follow Kris on twitter
Join the Croncast Facebook group
We come around the pillars
There are people just smoking
Blowing smoke in tourists faces
Out of the corner of my eye I see these guys
Then hear, "You got this one, Phil?"
Flicks his cigarette
He's doing the new york fast walk
Of course the cop didn't care
What are you doing in SOHO with a hot dog cart in front of the Prada store?
The place of small dogs, tall women and street vendors on crack
I think you would love New York, Betsy
Sure I almost got robbed
But I even love the filthy, dirty New York
It's got high energy

Tags: Prada Store SOHO breadwinner NYC kidrobot

Season 21 Ep 23: The Mexico Part 2

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:55:13 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-25.mp3
Show: #523
Length: 33:08
Size: 30.4 mb
Format: mp3

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Introducing our driver, Rueben
Pronounced Rue - been
You'll understand why shortly
We're on the homepage in iTunes podcast store
In the parenting category
You're the whip cream
I am the pie to your whip cream
Does that mean we are getting divorced?
Rueben has discussing the directions that the Montana girls gave him
Nervous like Mom telling me, "Let's go to TJ to buy school supplies"
Sterling silver bangles
Hurling off into the middle of nowhere
The jungle begins flying by
Look at that, it's great
Is it abandoned?
Right, just like central Illinois
Look at you, getting all metric
Jungle was 20 km away
Fine, how about 20 clicks?
Betsy gets scared and starts talking
The Montana girls want you shut up
Actually, it was Erasure
Luggage in my lap
Moobs are getting damp
Rueben rolled up all the windows the moment we got in
4 adult Americans and one Mexican adult
Our bodies use more energy, seriously
They throw the old road next to the new road
You might need a chunk later
It'll have the rebar in it right away
Betsy asked to see the girls' directions
Oh my, God
"OK, like this is going to be so great. Take a left I don't know where, crappy town and it has a number 4."
Betsy's rendition of this is priceless, you have to listen
Around the crappy town, around and around
Forty minutes later we're still circling the town
Weaponry was at full blaze in plenty of places
Security is tight at Goodwill but not like this
Rueben speaks three words of English - yes, no and maybe
And he doesn't know what either of them mean
Don't fly to a foreign country without the address of where you are going
If I were on this trip with Jeanie
No Mrs. and Mrs. Montana it would have been safe!
The highlight of my trip was passing the local airport
I think it's called . . .
Rueben whips around, "Nooooooooooooooooo"
We were 20 clicks from were we supposed to be in the opposite direction
He hands the directions to the armed guard
We find the joint
The girls tip him like $1.50 USD
Rueben peels out in reverse
We hit our heads on the back window
But we arrived in one piece
Colonialism is alive and well
You can't tell me that you didn't breath a sigh of relief
Happy to be alive and I need a burger
The next four days became a huge pain in the ass
Look at these awful white people and their destruction of paradise
While, asking me to rub aloe on my back

Tags: Mexico Vacation Dreams Tulum Rueben the montanas colonialism

Season 21 Ep 22: The Mexico Part 1

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:51:06 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-23.mp3
Show: #522
Length: 32:12
Size: 29.6 mb
Format: mp3

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Back from the Mexico
This here would be part 1 of a multi-part series
This is where we take you on our vaction with us
I think I've been drinking excessively
She sweats the daiquiri
For those of you caught up, you know that we weren't around last week
We were on Betsy's Wheel of Fortune vaction to Mexico
Best part - it was free
I'll get to the parts where you nearly broke down
Props on the plastic plants you bought
Excellent investment for returning home
Growing up in a silk jungle
Dusty cornflower blue carnations
These flowers are special
They will be here forever
At some point you know that your mother-in-law will show up
Thank you for admitting that you didn't want to go with me
You can't relax for your life
Right, I can't do it
My biggest concern was the webernets close at hand
I had to have wi-fi
And your gear
One laptop, a netbook, iPhone, Treo, Camera and tons of cables
There you are a big nerd
That's just the way that it was
I don't want to take him on a vacation
What happens if you don't have them and need them?
Getting on Facebook drunk is a bad idea
They have an international speaking doctor on staff
Mayan vs Spanish vs English
He had watched 6 seasons of ER
The Swedish Slenders came up with Continental airplane designs
Hulking massive dude in the cramped seat typing on a toy computer
The women sitting behind you Mr B inspired them
They had their own "Baby Daddy Con '09"
Loose women? Is that what you are trying to say
The entire flight "My Baby Daddy..." the entire trip
The way they talked about them you would expect their baby daddies to be titans of industry
Best job I ever had was working at the shrimp hut
Needless to say that they didn't have any kids with them
Was excited she got to run cash register
Maybe in 2010 Baby Daddy Con '10 will be on your next flight
Keynote speaker will address "fertility in tough times"
If Jeanie were here
We would have started drinking and laughed at the girls
The best in flight entertainment
I am fixated on the Mayan the thing
It's a cultural thing
Continental bathrooms in the terminals, good god
I needed a ladder to get down to the urnial to pee
Not on the plane, baby
They were out to make you out to feel like 7'5
Continental "Making you feel like a big man."
Mexican customs
Betsy comes to a complete stop and follows directions
Abiding by the rules while no one else is
Move it, chocha
Chocha is now my new middle name
Why didn't we plan for a ride to resort?
Jumping on the newbies
Look, fat people on spring break
Kris gets into protection mode
We roll outside to get on your Grey Line minibus
Only two people heading in our direction
The girls from Montana
We're out there chatting for an hour as we wait
They pull up in a baja raced VW Jetta
Us and the girls pile in
The driver waits outside reading the directions the girls gave him
Twenty minutes later he gets back in the car
Little did we know what was written on that paper
If they had given to me, I would have kicked them to the curb
Find out what was on that paper on Wednesday

Tags: Mexican Vacation Dreams Tulum Baby Daddy Con daiquiri mix chocha

Season 21 Ep 21: Doggy DNA Test, Marsupial Wife, Trustafarians

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:10:28 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-13.mp3
Show: #521
Length: 30:57
Size: 28.2 mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are
March 13th, 2009
Yep, I said it
iTunes has a new fancy feature
Still us reviews
"Betsy's good...Kris is better"
The studio space, manpit remodel has helped my mental state
What are you reaching for?
Betsy is wearing a hoody
Paper in front pocket
My marsupial wife
Doggy DNA test results have arrived
I wish you get down with the fact that Herc is a porn star
My fauxberman is . . .
Want to find out? We get into at 1:50 into the show
He's 25% nothing?
WTF? how much did you pay for this
Finding out what composes a vajayjay slayer
His doberman shining
American terrier? uh no
Picking him up from the rescue
I expected as everyone else did he would be full grown dobie
The Amex Full Panel Mixed Breed Analysis says . . .
Well, my emotions are getting the best of me
No more pitbull in sweater photos please
Betsy's new show is rocking like crazy
Elliot's teacher is sitting front row
Oh, baby
You're like a stress bunny
Sure when you were baked
You have to check out Betsy's facebook profile
See her college shots that Jeanie uploaded
Do you have a trust fund too?

Tags: dog dna test Amex Panel Mixed Breed Analysis fauxberman trustafarian

Season 21 Ep 20: Paper Collars, Carry On, Mexico Anxiety

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:26:55 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-11.mp3
Show: #520
Length: 30:30
Size: 28.0 mb
Format: mp3

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Traveling with Grammie's carry on
Boarding the dogs
Mexico anxiety is coming home to roost
Paper dog collars
Hercy vajajay slayer
TSA was just messing with me
It wasn't a vacation
Did you have the kids?
Did you drink?
Yes and yes
Then it was a vacation

Tags: peecol kidrobot mexico anxiety paper collars grandma luggage

Season 21 Ep 19: Comedy Shrine, Tiny orbit, Keeping it Croncast

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:40:17 -0600

Croncast - 2009-03-06.mp3
Show: #519
Length: 30:28
Size: 28.0 mb
Format: mp3

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Betsy's opening night went of without a hitch!
Every Thursday night at The Comedy Shrine, Naperville
Using Kris as a prop during the show
How is that not like the rest of my life?
Big changes in the Smith house . . . again
And when isn't it big changes, Kris?
Always, Croncast moments

Update: Missed the Evo Terra note. Sharing is truly caring as even as @evo_terra gets his toes did. Sorry we missed this one, buddy!

Tags: Comedy Shrine Laugh Time Betsy Smith croncast moments

Season 21 Ep 18: The comments episode

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:29:10 -0600

Croncast - 2009-03-02.mp3
Show: #518
Length: 29:43
Size: 25.2 mb
Format: mp3

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The comments show
Been a long time since we have done one of these
Check out Matt's rider for Betsy
That's it on show notes

Tags: Blackberry Verizon comments Matt Snodgrass

Season 21 Ep 17: Fly home stoned, Polyester rugs, Gesticulate freely

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:37:27 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-27.mp3
Show: #517
Length: 27:26
Size: 25.2 mb
Format: mp3

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Get it on
Leave us some comments here or reviews in iTunes
Not really vicious
But spousal hate
Funny on many levels
A paid gig for Betsy
Will you be on IMDB?
I don't know what you're talking about
March every Thursday
Five other chicks all under me
Sounds like my kind of life
It's all coming together
Adam Carolla is now on the podcasting
Maybe we need to hire him
Six women under me
I want to write that book
Re-organized the basement
I had to get it on
Needed to change up my space
This winter is killing me emotionally
Short shorn polyester rug
It's 85 colors and shades of testosterone
Been stuck down here working for so long
I got a bit claustrophobic
Proud you cleaned up
Making space
I was afraid to touch your desk
Now I can gesticulate freely
It's like we're single again
Right from your mother's clutches to mine
You would be perfectly happy at public storage
Don't ship Grandma's meds via FedEx
So she can fly home stoned
Right, like God intended
Sherlock in Mumbai

Tags: Adam Carolla Podcast FedEx mule gesticulate freely Sherlock in Mumbai

Season 21 Ep 16: Passport Time, Making Waves, Legitimacy

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:25:51 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-25.mp3
Show: #516
Length: 29:42
Size: 26.7 mb
Format: mp3

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Way short on show notes
Been working all day
Just found time now to put this out
One of your funniest shows

Tags: Riviera Maya Mexico Vacation Facebook friends the earth

Season 21 Ep 15: Standing, No Cutsies, Betsy's Big Show

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:50:31 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-23.mp3
Show: #515
Length: 27:41
Size: 25.4 mb
Format: mp3

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Hope everyone had a great weekend
This show we get down with our lapses in mondey diet
Fiscal responsibility never sounded so bad
Like, "never yell at the pit boss," for instance

Tags: pit boss comedy shrine no cutsies fiscal responsibility

Season 21 Ep 14: Rat Poison, SHE Squad, Followed Home

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:23:38 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-20.mp3
Show: #514
Length: 26:43
Size: 24.6 mb
Format: mp3

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Missed the Wednesday show
Besty's been sick
Must be the path
Never buy rat poison, Gatorade and get a passport photo at same time
It's no just my paranoia, I was followed home by a black mercedes
Sure, Kris, they sent the SHE Squad after you
Right after they finished shooting a show on Lifetime
Bret Michaels mouth
Yes, Betsy, the dogs mouth is cleaner and he eats his own poop

Tags: Lifetime SHE Squad rat poison black mercedes Bret Michaels

Season 21 Ep 13: That Episode, Get the Patch, Expo Cubes

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:18:37 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-16.mp3
Show: #513
Length: 22:57
Size: 21.1 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by PodioBooks.com
Gingerly I speak as Betsy does withdraw
I had a dream about her using the patches as band aids
Nicotine burn
The smoking cessation has begun
I've got the kids show notes are short
You listen, you will know.

Tags: smoking cessation nicotine patch middle finger missing meds

Season 21 Ep 12: Triscadecaphobic, Mental Sabbatical, Rescue Animals

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 12:49:11 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-13.mp3
Show: #512
Length: 24:13
Size: 22.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by Affordable Promotions
I won't say the date
A bit triscadecaphobic are we?
As usual
I know how this goes
It's a big business day
The cyclical nature of our moon phases matched with a Friday the ____
Happy Valentines Day Mr B
I'm going to buy you a gross of coffee mugs with my face on them
Great, I could sell them at Starbucks or a quarter
WachterBach haul
Sounds like a Worcester sauce
Pfaltzgraff and a fancy brand called Kimberly-Clark
Getting the freezer
"I remember that like it was yesterday"
That makes you old
The recall feature to tell the stories properly
Hercules came to me while I was sleeping
The stories that people tell about their rescue animals
What is going on with Facebook?
Everyone is showing up
All of your past infested lovers
I can see my friend that is now on a mental sabbatical

Tags: mental sabbatical moon phases triscadecaphobic wachterbach

Season 21 Ep 11: The Kitty's Gone, CarMax Sale, Kelly Blue Book

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 12:14:43 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-11.mp3
Show: #511
Length: 33:56
Size: 31.2 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by Affordable Promotions
Pick a post, any post to leave a comment
You can leave a comment for our 2012 shows
It's a whole new internet that I developed on my own
Valentine's day is 3 days away
Buy you love an "I love you baby USB drive"
You gave me the best gift ever Mr B for Valentines Day
Conversion van jokes search this site for John Elway
I read a thread
Ping me when you're ready
So you're reading this thread about CarMax
Supposedly they pay close to Kelly Blue Book for car
Saved by a bucket of chicken
Selling a car privately
Was much to worry about
The slow drive-by in the Ford Explorer
It's the same person
I've been to that garage sale
The same Velma
That would be Vonda
CarMax gives you an appraisal
So we go for it
The Volvo will be sold
Picking it up after detail
The car knew
The dash lit up with warnings
30 minutes later all good
We decide to get both cars appraised
Well, Kris' gift?
The photo above says it all
Trunk full of auto parts and a mechanic strapped to bumper
But we still did something that Dave Ramsey would frown on
Hit up the casino last week
It felt really good to be really bad . . . on a budget
What is so hot to ladies about a man that plays the tables?
No oxygen tank

Tags: Jaguar CarMax appraisal Kelly Blue Book Dave Ramsey

Season 21 Ep 10: Coffee Breath, 100 years old, Chingtao

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:20:22 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-09.mp3
Show: #510
Length: 25:05
Size: 23.1 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

This show brought to you by Affordable Promotions
The show notes be short
Jorge asks all night long where the 5'5 lady is
She's 100 years old
She gives me injections of insulin
Twater
Do you mean water?
Twater
OK
Chingtao
Following Betsy's car
Getting smoke and coffee breath 25ft behind

Tags: coffee breath Twater chinese joint insulin injections