bitches | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

foodmart, bitches. where i shop when in kentucky.

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:00:15 -0500

Season 20 Ep 19: San Francisco Part 2, The Meetup

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:25:08 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-04.mp3
Show: #494
Length: 41:59
Size: 28.8 mb
Format: mp3

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We're back for part two of San Francisco
The pre pre-school baby is in a kissing phase
She kissed a diseased baby
Then she kissed me and now I am infected
Other than daddy just do
I can blame it on her cuz I got the documentation
Her encrusted nostril in photos
I could track back the vector of my illness
Yes, you are the carriers
Listen to Croncast, "They argue with one another in their basement"
We rank with NPR shows in the post
How are we different than any other shows?
Funnier
Let the woman talk
No love for this man
I didn't get a party when I was there
Heading to the meetup at House of Shields
What if no one shows up?
People were bound to show up
Four people showed up
I am so glad that I disappointed you in a positive way
David, Sam, Russ and Katherine

The Meetup: Left to Right: Russ, Sam, Katherine (in back), David, Betsy (in blue), Jeanie

David has been listening for a long time
A very long time
He was in college, birthday, marriage to attorney
Look back at things that have happened while we have been doing the show
Schlomo gave us the space
It was dark, with a kicked over chair
That is HoS
Russ got a pre-smoking ban chair with an ashtray built into it
This is where we made the mistake
We started drinking right away, heavily
Jeanie kept up with me drink for drink
Mind you she is one third my size
We left the meetup to go dancing
More drinks
Then Jeanie starts dancing with a bearded Marylin Monroe
Having a great time and we stiffed them on the cab
Just drunk bitches we were
We gotta get to sleep
We have things to do the next day
We surface at 10 am
Jeanie didn't get out of bed till 3
I see a pattern with your Jeanie vacations
Remember Chef Jeff?
Back in my skinny days
Now I'm chubby
There's a food shortage I'm good for 8 weeks
At 8pm Mrs. and Mrs Smith are going to hop on a romantic cruise
They should have named it, "The Good Ship Jagermeister"
A little romantic music for you
If I tried to do that with my friends Evan or Mike
So the next day we rent a car
And we end up dumped in a pile of homeless people
They're like day of the dead zombies
Here comes the scariest wican beast i have ever seen in my life
This weather beaten hag pops up in the window
Shit happens, some people aren't what you expect
Are we on the road to Guerneville?
You can't do that with a kind vegan sister
A big coin receptacle
"I'm saving up to clone my cat, donations welcome"

Tags: San Francisco Guerneville Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen meetup

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 12, 2007

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 09:12:30 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-12.mp3
Show: #432
Length: 29:27
Size: 20.2mb
Format: mp3

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Monday is a great day to start the week
Yes, I forgot to tell you
The first time that I get to do a birthday show
I guess I am going to Goodwill
It's cool to swear it off
You should take up cardigans and turtle necks
When guys my age are geezers
We will be rocking the grunge look at the convelescent home
I was watching TV on something that is no longer around the house
There was a moment of clarity
I was watching an animal show
There was bear running in slow motion
Beautful
And the narrator pops in "This was the point when Charlie was ready to attack."
Does the bear know that his name is Charlie
It's all about relating to the world around us
We do what is comfortable
We would break the glass bottom boat weight limit
We'll be living fat for the next few months
Ok, hush you have to let me speak Mr. B
The fabulousity of puffy cuffedness
You know the job thing didn't work out
You're taking a moment to rest
And I am looking at the TV
It isn't that big
Spending that much on a TV
I can get you one tomorrow at Goodwill for $50
Yeah, it might weigh 650 pounds
Take your old Chicago technology with you
So I called Costco and told them about the broken ass TV
I just want my number tattooed on me
Betsy, you just like the exclusivity
Having to flash your card
Being a Costco member, stand back bitches
Yeah, as we stand next to the coffins
42 inches is not the big
I'm not going to go there, Kris
We roll in with two crabby kids
He's talking about throwing dead animals in the coffin
Which one do you like mommy?
I just need to find someone to throw in there
He is your child, Betsy
So they start helping us out
Everyone is watching
Fuck bling and diamonds
Roll around with a big screen TV
I had a pack of men following me
Asking me 30 questions
Ahhh, we can't take that back
Why?
You have everything but the manual
You can't take it back without the manual?
Nope
Are you kidding me?
Every time I walked by it
How the fuck did I get here?
I bet you have that thought a lot
Betsy starts rolling on them
It's your birthday, I am going to let you speak
Baby, he was still eying us up
Was he going to tackle us?
Stop them - they are going to buy oranges and pampers
Best friends
I would be a complete asshole if I got another TV right now
I didn't consult for 11 months
I need my business up and running right now . . . takes time
Same thing with jobs . . . takes time
A big day is talking to three recruiters
Betsy's denial policy
Thanks to Karen Vitale for the Franklin Mint vault check

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Tags: Vizio Costco Goodwill named bears denial policy

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 24, 2007

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:15:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-24.mp3
Show: #414
Length: 25:13
Size: 17.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 24, 2007

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STICKERS! They'll be here on Tuesday
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Leave us a comment at Croncast
Saturday morning writing code and the 800 number starts ringing off the hook
After the call I figure it might be important
Turns out that it was regional manager or gm for Bar Louie
The nerd posse didn't have to go in person they sent email
Yeah, they listened to the show
I would have been stuck making co-payments if you had been there
He listened to the show!
Kudos to Bar Louie and their parent Corp. for stepping up to the plate
John Elway Dodge could learn from these people
Or should I say Go Dodge Denver on Arapahoe
Maybe this means something bigger
It was really good of them to call
Betsy chalked up the guys behavior to culture
Your employees should be a reflection of the place they work
My esteem for Bart Louie is way higher than it used to be
So yeah, it is brand management
They are taking the lead and that is awesome
Being proactive in their case is makes sense
They were going to fire the guy
Was probably the greatest job he ever had
Then he gets drunk and kisses patrons
Karma stepped forward as the enforcer
Couldn't fire the guy . . . he was already fired!
Sweet
They handled right then and there that night
How do you know if bouncers don't always act like that
Bouncers come in two varieties . . . gross and creepy
Naperville puts plain clothes officers in bars
Betsy's sister knows all about them
Buy the bicycle cop calendar
They talk like they walked out of a flame novel
The HR for them must be a single desperate chick
Betsy is glad that Bar Louie handled it
What do you want them to do?
Yes, I am the damaged
I can no longer kiss you
Screaming baby interrupts the show
Betsy moves on the twins and triplets sale
Don't I have the best job ever?
Sure, dumpsters are quaint
I wasn't supposed to be on list
Then I made it in
Planned Parenthood Es Muy Mal Para Aurora
Singletons . . . what the hell is a singleton?
Kris, they are genetically challenged ladies like me that have babies on at a time
Four perms turned at once
You are the one that wrote the blog post
I burned my face with coffee
They all come back to haunt me
We thought it was funny
These women are twitter parenting
Run . . . have you no respect
Are you embarrassed that your mommy tummy is going to slap you in the face?
Run! We are all in the same boat bitches
In today's money
Tell a Friend Friday is going awesome
New stickers should be here today

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Tags: Bar Louie Naperville twins and triplets dumpster diving Planned Parenthood Aurora croncast stickers

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:52:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-18.mp3
Show: #351
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 18, 2007

Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.
We're here for your tax hangover
Welcome to Wednesday
They should start the new year with taxes
We said in January we we're going to run lean this year
Look at it as an opportunity
Hanging with the short bus dudes
Mr. B you should get a job as a bus driver
The driving tests
There is no way that they could insure me to drive a bus
Sorry I just need to get my edge
Way back when I was lactating
Who the hell reads the fine print?
Your tombstone Kris . . . . all in fine print
The lesson of my life
I am tired of and can't handle another fucking life lesson
Their is only place we haven't been stuck is investing
Unless it is my good looks
Gotta go to NY with puff in your cuff
Same camel hair jacket, less some hair
You can wear undees and have no close
David Sedaris being called out on embellishing
WTF world
What is this weekend Betsy?
First full sub-division sales
People higher up on the food chain
I love to eat the chum from the surface after the big ones have snacked
I signed the documents and didn't look up as she was asking
She was asking Betsy to sell some stuff on eBay
They beg and keep throwing the rope out
"You can take a commission" which means . . . we're cool right?
Liz . . . you are heretofore known as Mike Marusin's wife
Carla brings over a 15 year old Coach bag
Betsy needs her own show . . . "The Appraiser"
It's all $32.99
The stolen eBay accounts that keep buying her bags
The Nigerian shipping address flagged us
As your husband . . . it is embarrassing that people walk up to you and ask you to sell their junk
We're Sanford and Husband, you need to get over yourself
I need a junk shop it would be my dream
Junk spelled 'que' I can't take it
Junk shop to p's and an 'e', Junque Shoppe
I have it baby, your shoppe just needs to be an empty parking lot with the junk piled high
We can start it here in the cul de sac
CBI - chief bitch in charge
Betsy is now writing the greatest garage sale ad ever
She has to make it seem like the ultimate subdivision
It would be like a crappy play
Just take the junque think on tour
Vets treat animals not people
Take the dog to the vet and get it's medical history
Going to the hospital five hours later
Rabies isn't reality . . . but the rabid bats in your walls did it
Dead bat in the back of the toilet when I lifted up the lid
Pure evil
You probably killed the bat and don't remember doing it
Cuddling it too hard and put it in the toilet in a moment of stoned panic
Bow down bitches, I told you so doesn't fit
Baby it is always the same
You're cutting me off again Betsy
You would not succeed as a junk seller Mr. B
McDonald's still makes me happy
I can look at a T and T Barbie, a Twist and Turn from the 60's
Betsy has it locked down on eBay
You are addicted to selling junk
The same way that blue hairs addicted to scratch offs
You got the eBay juice
What happened to the purse business?
Kris busts into the NYC cab story
His wibbling moustache
Maybe that was the best part of the story
When you visit NYC have purpose, walk, talk act like you got something going on
The city is out to get you but can make it better
More people than I have ever seen in my live
It's like walking into the largest ant colony you have ever seen
In NYC people were nice
Right, now that they have your credit card number

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Tags: bus driver David Sedaris read the fine print junque shoppe dead bat in toilet

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 07:33:02 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-08.mp3

Show: #324
Length: 30:02
Size: 20.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 08, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Robert Sullivan.
The big news is that the show is now Betsy only!
So today we are going to talk about plushies
1/2 on why you shouldn't buy plushie smurf's
Buy the PVC ones they are good
OK Kris is still here
Betsy says that I make is all drama
Tell the people what the news is!
BMX'n baldie that is close
This is the third new job . . . did I give it away?
I got a new gig!!!!
Podcasting and coding full time from home in my basement
I answered one of those signs by the road . . . not really
Mommy will need some alone time
I'm here. That was my commute up the stairs
Kris, you have to reign in your workaholic ways
I have had the two jobs for long
It was time to slow down and focus my career
One job dedicated to distance education and one for myself podcasting
I say, "stoked" 50 times during this bit
Stay at home working out of the basement, you're already dead pale
You haven't been on the Wii in a week
This has been going on for a while
The ball has been rolling but it had to fall into place just right
Business transactions that had to work
Do you have a title? Nope
The cards are on the way
If I wanna be with the man I can be a VP of something
Man, it goes on and on
We flew out and looked at houses
That's hilarious, Kris . . . didn't you listen to our vacation shows?
Boulder is a world apart from Denver
Celebrating Betsy's birthday two days early
Her mom and her sister celebrated . . . I sat there with no gift
Who are your customers for the purses?
Not me . . . ladies like me are Stone Mountain bitches
Her mom wants to go on a QVC tour for vacation
The matching outfit from the hanger trip
Friday night . . . oh Betsy . . . invited to a gallery, dressed for bingo
Asking for your husband's help to dress
Granny grey wool pants, purple sweater with yarn hanging from it
Betsy looking very 1991
The dopey brown shoes capped it off
"I'm ready bear," baby the bingo outfit isn't going to cut it
What do you have that is black?
So Betsy wore her mom's clothes
Left to her own devices she would be in trouble
"Why did you like it so much Bears"
"Uh, you brushed your hair."
Dress up nothing, not even a match about her velure suit

Tags: velure suit Stone Mountain pants QVC tour PVC Smurf Robert Sullivan

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 02, 2006

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 06:27:35 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-02.mp3

Show: #257
Length: 30:39
Size: 21.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 02, 2006

It's August and it is hot
Global warming isn't real
I believe like our president we need to wait, the future will let us know
Let's burn some fossil fuel bitches
I will drive my Hummer til it's 127 outside, I'll just turn up the AC
Without Maggie being with us when we record we swear more
The lawn mowing boys
Well they aren't boys they are college age
Cursed with a beautiful backyard that takes work, not for us
Butterfly Garden
I was gonna take pictures of the yard but camera battery is dead
Swearing and swearing more
You're being inappropriate with me lady
He is like an honor roll student who now has to work for a burnout
"I didn't know people like you actually grew up and owned houses"
He knows we don't fit, they all do within 15 minutes
National Night Out
Hanging with the neighbors and their kids
Building a stronger safer neighborhood
Letting the kids ride in the cop cars
Weird electrical hum in Bestys mic for about 3 minutes
Betsy won't end the shows on a loving note
"Good night Hugh, I love you"
I am sure their was some office love
Betsy likes to have nothing the same, ever
Just look at this like a suggestion
The difference between actors and reality stars
They are competition
Enamoration (made up word) of the King of Cars Guy . . . Betsy is infatuated with Chop
"We would both have something to talk about because we both have reality shows"
Kris gets bright red
"That bastard. Chop you're going down. You're destroying my family. Some man in Las Vegas who sells used cars. He's taking my wife from me . . . and my life."
If you find someone attractive on a reality show don't tell your spouse
Is Jeremy Piven ok to tell you I like as Ari?
Wait, he did a reality show
Betsy asks who I think is hot
My reply, the chics on the tattoo reality shows
If we were just friends I would fly you to Vegas for a tattoo
"I hear Towbin Dodge is around here someplace"
I know your motive Betsy
I don't look like Chop. Betsy thinks separated at birth . . . say what?
He's a well groomed Bears
Betsy really likes this guy
Mike Rowe is rad but sometimes comes off as an ass, don't we all
The stay in school remark to the ore shoveler guy
Our turn to come off as asses
Transgender understanding
The human condition
When you can't figure it out
Looking for bulges
I don't get it, I pegged you for a boy but it doesn't matter but I can't but it together
The Madonna concert
Take me to Fry's it is my concert
Now I know what it is like when I take people to Goodwill
Strangers at Goodwill talking to my kids, turns out they are buddies

Tags: King of Cars Chop Goodwill Towbin Dodge Jeremy Piven National Night Out

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 5, 2006

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 07:00:16 -0500

Show Notes for #211

Length: 38:14
Size: 26.2 mb
Format: mp3

Download Croncast - 2006-04-05.mp3

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Betsy and I try to follow up Monday's show and feel the pressure. We talked about it before the mics went on and well, you'll hear.

It is Wednesday right?
It is top Chef Day on Bravo
Betsy could watch any reality show
A three bean chili to reference top shelf
Lots of Kris coughing
The reality show formula
Good at the game because they are mediocre
Not as terrible as the 17 year old girl
Crabby 50 year old
Kris says porn is reality based
Betsy says, "Don't mess with my handy man fantasy"
Muffin blows a gasket upstairs
Mother-in-law wants to put the dog to sleep
Princess Muffin's doggyness
Doggyy boarding school 3 years ago . . . . $1800!
This damn dog ruining the carpet
She has to eat with the special dog gravy sauce
Who the hell whould buy dog gravy
Dog gravy or Garlic Pretzels?
Buying wierd snacks so no one eats them
Placebo diet of "nothing to eat"
No salty fingers here
You have no idea
The sweet, slow developmentally disable check out girl
You don't need cash
Dealers soon to take debit cards
Trying PeaPod
Kris needs to buy his own groceries
Get a better job you can buy real Cheatos
Can stand powder cheese and spaghettios
OkeDoke popcorn
The spaghettio taste and disgusting scent
Swedish spaghetti derivitive prok grease and corn starch
Who wants Betsy's Swedish Spaghetti recipe?
Chicken wings and french fries
Betsy's dream list
How many puffalumps to sell for an extreme body makeover
Armpits that look like asshole
Sweeping up the shavings from the floor
Getting an armlift
Betsy flank steak
Now you know what is really in bologna
Betsy has the plastic surgeons ad floating on the counter for a week
Betsy wants a tummy tuck, arm lift and my fav a breast do up
Why? Had two kids and have lost over 110 lbs
Metamorphic changes that need extreme home make over
10 weeks in bed and $40,000 and what do you get?
Bring on the fourth one
I don't care what they fill them with
Look good and soft to my touch
What surgery would Kris get?
Fix my teeth and bore out one of my nostrils
I can put a quarter width wise in my nose hole
Maggie has a weird nose (probly from her real daddy)
Comcast DVR is for bitches it is bad tech
Betsy is now a Big Love fan
Regret not doing the promos for HBO?
Betsy refused to pimped us out for $5.00 (not the real amount)
Is HBO worth it anymore?
Vacation to Deadwood, S.D.
Send your tricks for travleing with kids
Marlin Perkins from Wild Kingdom had it right
Send the kid running, dart them, wrap him in a net, blindfold him and then release him in the wild
Betsy wants to take a small airplane to S.D.
I'm not going camping
North Country - the movie, Betsy gives ending away
Aerosol spray butter

Tags: top chef swedish reality show croncast podcast