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Season 20 Ep 15: Dumpster Golf, Penny Drop, Fancy Hood

Mon, 12 May 2008 13:54:32 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-12.mp3
Show: #490
Length: 19.6
Size: 28:32 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Betsy likes the amens to her sermons
Now they can tell me to mow my lawn
We are way more boring than the show
The picture in her head of you was repulsive
Good thing she didn't see a real picture
I despise this time of year the most
Why?
The grass grows
I hate the mowing
Pulling back that shade for bits of sunlights
I am the Boo Radley of the neighborhood
I have been honing my skills without you
Something new to the Resale Queen toolbox
Not the Billy Squire stroke
A body bag full of bubble wrap
A body bag?
I tried to do a Penny Drop
That was for those of you that too kindergarten gymnastics
Tetanus shot for junking license
I had to have the bubble wrap
So I went to Goodwill
Fast like a bunny
I bought a Titleist
Golf club
We playing gold today mommy?
Yes, Maggie, dumpster golf
Your Titleist for dumpster diving
Your like a gorilla in the mist
Your people were the strain that hung on the jungle floor
Mine were smarter and more motivated
Now, I bring home the bananas
It's all about who brings home the bacon
I am forever grateful that you make enough for me to dig in a dumpster
We found your wife, sir.
Behind what store?
It could be worse, I could be a scrap booker
It is a services
I'm not going to mess with these women
They are serious
Treating things better
Betsy flattens a tire on my car
I'm driving slow on your rim
You were right next to the car dealership
Why didn't you just go there?
You used to recruit truck drivers, you talk to him
Sorry to be so vaginal
I just gave up
Why is he trying to change the tire?
Does he know how to change a tire?
Yeah, that's a lot of money for a fancy hood
They say that to a lot of women who get labia surgery too

Tags: Titleist gold club the bacon penny drop gymnastics

it's 5:45 am guess where kris is?

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:41:06 -0500

heading to the gate for my cancelled and rebooked flight. seems par for the course these days with airlines.

good news is that I have a flight! san francisco, see you soon.

Tags: flight days course airlines news

Season 20 Ep 7: Koi Pond of Death, Kipp, Horticulture Authority

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:01:19 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-18.mp3
Show: #482
Length: 26:40
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Kris is all business all the time
I am business baby even when I sleep
You're on Twitter 24/7
I was dreaming about API's
That is why I slept through the earthquake
Why you should be like me
Fifth graders would listen
It is like dreaming about math
What parent wouldn't say, "I would like my kid dreaming about math"
You can't negative criticism
The survey we ran for one year
The likes and dislikes are finally available
It's not that
"He laughs at nothing"
The laugh is used to fill in the gaps
Go back and listen to the first few shows with gaps
No one is addicted to your laugh
I say addicted to laughing in general
It is good for you
Adam Curry released some demographic data
So with that I will release all survey that we did later today
STICKERS - first 10 people to send me their address from the contact page
GET - a sticker
Swearing was a thing we did a lot of
We've gone through iterations
Your mom draining her tub
My options were here or next to the sump pump
The outdoor work began around here
Anything I try to do never works
We know this Betsy
The neighbor's chemically altered grass
The grass is smart it knows not even to cross property line
Raised timber bed
Longtime listeners might remember the coi pond
The koi pond of death
I hire them to clean up the yard, remove some timbers and edge my mulch
People that run their own business have psychological problems
They do it because they can't get a normal job
Anybody can be a landscaper
Kipp's Lawn Repair
Kipp is name of death
Just says drug habit
I ask him for a quote
He's a horticulture authority
You could sell his rotten lumber
ReplacementDeckParts.com
That should be your next business
Green has become a scam in many ways
AAA1 Steve
Are you bonded?
Yes, I've posted bond before
Oh, no
That sort of happened with the Comcast guy
He'd done time
Or as he said, "I did a bit"
He hadn't seen his kids in years
That TV would fit right out that window
I got my eye on them
I don't trust them ever
Betsy is soo like Daniel Day-Louis in There Will Be Blood
Upton Sinclair wrote the book just for you
Would you quit junking for $1 million?
I couldn't do it
That would only last you 3-4 months, Kris
Right, 50ould go to the divorce
Banking where you used to live
You mail stuff to your bank?
Well, it's an hour long drive

Tags: Koi Fish croncast stickers horticulture authority Upton Sinclair Daniel Day-Louis

Season 19 Ep 21: John Adams, Hershey's Floor, Lock Picking Kit

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 08:30:15 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-17.mp3
Show: #468
Length: 30:01
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a couple weeks
It's good to hear your voice baby
Stasis soon, I said
That was work
Thanks to Josh Bancroft for the message
Betsy was just attacked
It is no one else's fault but yours
You are to blame
I was watching a show about John Adams on HBO
Which is a sign your balls are reaching your knees
What were you watching?
Oprah's Big Give
I heard it is horrible
Yeah, it is pretty bad
Mom decided to go to bed
I thought I would pick up her old dog and carry it upstairs
I am talking about my empathy for this cold hearted bitch
I reach down to pick up the dog
And what do I get
That bitch attacked me with her one good tooth
She inserted it viciously into the palm of my hand
I got the hysterical laughs
Don't make me put the dog to sleep
She was laying on a piece of Zeus's bone
That is why she bit
I know
This is on page one of your baby book
Your mom tried to get your dad to do something he shouldn't
You love chaos in your life
Why else would I be married to you?
You look at a situation that appears to be calm
And you can find the chaos
How can you disagree with me?
I can't
That brings me to a story Mr. B
Jeanie is moving on up
Up where
Here you doofus
You neglected to notice that your children aren't in school
You have set precedence with this
Yeah, I have dropped him off twice with no school
Hello
So we take Elliot with us to go and look at rental homes
That is a good idea
Jeanie calls up a property management company
We have three houses lined up
Is that foreshadowing? Is that what they call it in the biz?
For $1100 a month what do you get?
The lemon yellow peeling paint house
It was made for a Model A
If you kick out the stick it all would have fell down
Couldn't tell where the house was
How could you not?
We saw it and the Psycho music played
Jeanie is polite
We went through with it
Why?
Maybe there is something fabulous here
Gluttons for punishment you are
I used to launch my He-Man action figure from the cloths line
Nifty, I feel robbed
If you only had one He-Man toy why did you treat him so bad?
They would have changed my name to Poindexter
You'll understand that when we open the side door
It was a smelly out of Cops house
The poor wife who was shackled to the bastard who owned
I am going to laugh because I am scared
Different paint in rooms
Different borders
This one looks like your mom put it up after a bottle of Smirnoff and Scope
The boards on the floor didn't even touch
No one sanded the floor they just painted it brown
It was a Hershey's floor with gaps
Slops of brown
At the next house he can't find the key
He busts out a lock picking kit
The place looks beautiful
But we see a ring around the walls
It had flooded and they never cleaned it up
I looked behind the wet bar
There were mushrooms growing out of the baseboards

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: He Man Jeanie lock picking kit rental house Oprah's Big Give

at vespaio for dinner with book publisher

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 19:15:57 -0600

so it's time to finally eat.

wondering how this one will go.

Tags: eat wondering finally publisher dinner

Apple Affiliate Program, Giving It Another Shot

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 11:47:16 -0600

I have no clue why I am giving the Apple Affiliate Program another shot. When you look at the numbers you will think I am crazy for trying again. I just can't get passed the fact that they sell a ton of iPods, MacBooks and now the MacBook Air and that we could possibly make a couple bucks from it.

Last year we were paid $0.00 by Apple after running a pretty aggressive campaign on Croncast and Resale Queen and in our RSS feeds. There is no way that in hades that not one single individual didn't buy the item they clicked on from the online Apple store in the 3 month span we ran the ads. It is illogical to look at the numbers (first table) and think that not one items was purchased from the online store within the cookie expiration period.

Advertiser	Commissions	S_Amount	Items	Sales	Leads	Clicks	Imps	CTR
eBay	$ XX	$ XX	47	598	84	351,500	59,514	590.61
Apple Store US & Apple Store Canada	$ 0.00	$ 0.00	0	0	0	218	31,192	0.69

Here's where we are in the last 4 days since I started running a couple ads in Betsy's Resale Queen feeds: blog posts and her podcast feed. The ads are for iLife '08 and the new MacBook Air. They are placed after the post item content and before the post tags.

Advertiser	Commissions	S_Amount	Items	Sales	Leads	Clicks	Imps	CTR
eBay	$ XX	$ XX	3	105	6	26,354	4,949	532.51
Apple Store US & Apple Store Canada	$ 0.00	$ 0.00	0	0	0	57	82	69.51

The clicks and impressions both are higher than I would have expected but maybe I did better targeting of the audience this time around. I doubt it. I think I was dead on during October, November and December to run iPod ads for shuffle, nano and video iPods.

I did contact the Apple Affiliate program through CJ during the second month to ask what the issue might be and never received a response.

For some reason I feel a need to go through with this again and hope that we can get our payout on a purchase from a lead that we created. I'll let you know how this goes.

Anyone else have experience with the Apple Affiliate Program?

Tags: MacBook Air iLife 08 Apple Affiliate Program Commission Junction eBay affiliate

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 08:16:14 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-26.mp3
Show: #438
Length: 32:06
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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Your dad sent an email from India
He wants to know what a 'post' is
Any content that is in the site
Kris commenting on Besty's cooking and sharing it with the world
I want to talk about the convalescent home that you knocked over
Where do you get clothes like that?
Betsy's Thanksgiving redemption with turkey dinner number two
Betsy role plays the judge at our divorce proceeding
We didn't share that
At Costco, because it is the only place I can shop
What are we here for?
I was in charge
How about we do another turkey?
Getting right back on the horse
Betsy avoids conversation
Somebody's gotta keep a cap on that stuff
All berries are the same
Not my Barry he's special
I cannot stand watching love scenes on TV
They all creep me out
It's even worse when they are elderly
Referencing the list
Betsy is wound up
Behold, this is what our listeners want, Kris
Made by hand by Goodwill Industries employees
Everyone could use them
And we get to pick the scent
How are the commuters going to hand that on the train?
On the antanae of their Treo
The nice thing about the air freshener is it keeps on giving
Very interesting, I'll take it back to the committee
Dino from improv university
He can get them cheaper
Brought to you by the people who brought you Aquadots
I did a photo essay, live blog or our Goodwill date
Photos start here
Watching you was like watching a manic woman
It was an experience
No one needs hot food
It should all be warm
I will own a restaurant someday called "Warm"
We were being followed
He was working downtown Naperville
The guys was a thief
Sure, Kris, he was just shopping
Not so close behind me
Maniacally stirring your hot chocolate to cool it down
Sure, when Whole Foods opens
More like Boulder every day
The man was up to something
He was undercover officer, Kris
He was picking out people who didn't fit . . . and it was you
Does his fleece say "North Face or REI?", no captain
Follow that man
Book nerds are the original nerds
The Bolingbrook thing is ooking me out
Yes, that Bolingbrook with Drew Peterson
The missing Stacey Peterson
In the last week I have gone by 3 groups of people looking for her in the woods
It is strange, simple strange
How your first memory impacts your entire life
What is your first memory Betsy?
Hitting strangers with a broom while they sat in circle
You are crazy
I poked my cousin in the head with a shovel once
You played basketball in gravel

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Tags: North Face Aquadots air fresheners hot chocolate Bolingbrook Petersons

The haul

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 17:03:56 -0600

Here's the scores from our date:
1 build a bear
2 Caldecott book
1 Groovy Girl
Total - $2.11 and a lifetime of Goodwill for me.

Tags: girl groovy total lifetime goodwill gw2

The good books must on top shelf

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 16:36:34 -0600

I am learning a lot about what makes Betsy tick . . . it ain't pretty.

We're back at stuffed animals already.

Tags: pretty ain back stuffed animals gw2

Danger Turkey round 2, not so dangerous

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 18:46:24 -0600

Betsy recovered from yesterday's turkey debacle with this award winning (in my book), succulent beast.

Special thanks to Costco for the day after Thanksgiving turkey sale. Too bad Betsy couldn't sell these on eBay.

Tags: turkey costco betsy thanksgiving day

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 09:46:14 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-19.mp3
Show: #435
Length: 34:52
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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Baby, I been 33 for a week and realized something
You are beautiful
You've go a style all your own
Did senility set in?
You've got the reverse mullet
I need to get this woman a PBR
You got the part up front and business in the back
A very serious paradigm shift
So sorry for you sucka
You gots to see the business coming
You have requested I sell everything I own
Mine, my stuff
I bring up your rings
What did you tell me, Betsy?
Yeah, whatever
You can get your second wife bigger rocks than these
Diamond guns
I'll have diamonds falling out of my shirt sleeves
And now after taxes we can live off of it for a month
Spending money breathing
Garrick said, "It's expensive to wake up in the morning."
Paying to get through the day
Gotta get paid while you sleep
People do buy it now while I am snoring away
We bought ourselves a little time
Thanks to Chris Brogan, Rob Shore, John C Havens and others for leads
Head over to Croncast.com and check my resume
Oh, what are you doing?
Big stress doesn't lend itself to thinking about the holidays
His TV is buying a doll and a fruit tray
I'm queen of the wives
Speaking of this
Evan and I got into trouble with this last week
"what do you wives do?"
We said "Naperville" the wives don't work
I could be making $10 slanging slurpees
And you would still be at home
We could get a Jaguar gift certificate
Maybe the Volvo should disappear?
I called ChildServ to see if I can get on schedule
Back to my story
I was Christmas shopping
I am not going buy anything Made in China
Especially not a doll
What?
Have you gone all blue collar?
They'll poison your toothpaste and feed you Aqua Dots
I don't get this
I buy retail once a year
It's ok if it is gifted to Goodwill and you get it?
Hell yes
Even American Girl Dolls are made in China
So I am working this doll tip
You can't find any dolls that are not made in China
Betsy is out to change the world
She has always been fascinated with China
Chinese history books are all over the house
I grill Betsy on it as she avoids
This isn't about improv
I think the Cultural Revolution were interesting
I am trying to make this easy for you to understand
Olympic questions next
It'll be fine as long as no one gets pregnant
Dexter on Showtime has been great this season
WGA strike
Screw the studios . . . these writers should get on with it online
Thanks to CaptRespect and MacGeek for support!!

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Tags: made in china Naperville Goodwill CaptRespect MacGeek WGA strike

Ze Frank throwing down during WGA strike

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:52:44 -0600

Whatever the reason, WGA strike or boredom, I am happy to see the 3 new videos by Ze Frank in the last two weeks. Here's the one from today:

Click here if you can't see video.

Ze is better than TV. I really miss not having his once a day shows. In my book, better than the Daily Show and Colbert combined.

Ze is like mind porn. Thank you, Ze, for cranking out some new shows.

Tags: Ze Frank new The Show better than tv blip.tv

Should I be worried?

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:36:27 -0600

This swanky hair styles book was waiting for us at the hair cut joint.

If Elliot comes out looking like this guy Pa Smith will have to throw
down.

Tags: hair looking elliot pa smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:18:32 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-05.mp3
Show: #429
Length: 30:35
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 05, 2007

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Betsy sneaks up on you . . .be prepared
Happy Birthday Mr. Mark Chernesky!
The Strawberry Short Cake house
I know why you are stuck in the 80's now
Explain what is on the table
Fisher Price loving family Beatle
Left Behind the kids series
More fear for your kids
The kids wonder if they will ever make it home
End of times, end of days whatever
I need to write a kids book
All about death
Three pages - you were born, you lived and you died
How can you be that grumpy?
What?
Yeah the morning didn't start so good
Maggie at a refillable pencil part
We spent morning at the emergency room
Sure now you want to tell me that I am a bad mommy
Betsy is full of the venom today
Kenny Logins and Annette Funicello made a teddy bear
They are friends with Kenny Rogers
What?
Everyone in the biz is friends with Kenny Rogers
That bears purrty
More venom
Tubs of the Christmas stuff thanks to Unitarians
Yeah, I don't want to look at it
Maggie might end up eating this stuff
Kris is listening just not paying attention
Vickie was important to have for Wheel of Fortune auditions
How am I bad at the improv?

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Tags: Strawberry Short Cake Mark Chernesky Kenny Logins emergency room Annette Funicello

i heart twitter - an ode or something

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:24:59 -0500

why?

twitter is a samurai sword.

facebook is a swiss army knife
that wishes
it was a switchblade
with a zillion buttons.
good luck
finding the blade
that will open
your can of beans.

my samurai sword does just fine.

Tags: samurai sword can of beans twitter facebook communication