boulder | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

In Chinatown, Drag Queen Overlords, Wanted

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 09:43:41 -0500

Episode: #717 | Length:30:33 | Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Gluttonous vs. Gluttenous
Shrimp tray for no guests
Nothingness to paying bills
Woo! Baller
Stories from our last summer
The hawribble year
Buffered by the river
We'll probably move the first chance we get
Boulder Craig's List
Not that I have that much to work with

Tags: croncast best of 2010 funniest podcast longest episode

Chicago Public Radio Waiting Room

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:12:54 -0500

Another shot from the other night.

I am still unsure what to think of the meetup. I have never been bullish on Chicago's tech community and this event didn't change that.

For some reason Chicago still tends to lag behind the coasts even with a level playing field called the internet.

I think the culprit is the culture and the industries that employ most of the tech people here like banking and insurance.

Maybe, it is just me and the type of tech community that I am seeking to be a part of. Could be that the coasts and the vibrant innovation that is occurring in the Boulder (yes, I said it) fit me best.

Tags: chicago tech community coasts tech cocktail podcamp chicago

this here's a brago

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 09:11:51 -0600

this is my favorite breakfast food. Served only at amante coffee. ingredients: potatoes, eggs, ham and some kind of flat bread. delicious.

One of my main reasons for coming on this trip.

Tags: brago amante coffee boulder, co trip coffee

We're off for bragos

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 08:45:41 -0600

amante coffee in boulder serves up the most awesome breakfast item - the brago.

Evan shall experience it shortly.

Tags: brago item evan experience shortly

TC Boulder we've arrived

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:27:45 -0600

more nerds than you can shake an algorithm at.

Tags: shake algorithm than nerds boulder

could this be another subaru in boulder?

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:02:01 -0600

it sure is.

i need to shoot some video the next time i'm here.

Tags: shoot video need sure boulder

We're Off

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 07:02:19 -0600

@internetcases and myself are on our way to TC Boulder.

Tags: boulder tc myself internetcases

Flat Irons Snow 2006

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:26:26 -0600

I just found a set of photos from a trip that Betsy and I took to Boulder in October of 2006.

We went to sleep at night and there wasn't a single flake on the ground. When we woke this is what everything looked like.

Tags: ski week boulder, co flake gated community amante

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 08:16:14 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-26.mp3
Show: #438
Length: 32:06
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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Your dad sent an email from India
He wants to know what a 'post' is
Any content that is in the site
Kris commenting on Besty's cooking and sharing it with the world
I want to talk about the convalescent home that you knocked over
Where do you get clothes like that?
Betsy's Thanksgiving redemption with turkey dinner number two
Betsy role plays the judge at our divorce proceeding
We didn't share that
At Costco, because it is the only place I can shop
What are we here for?
I was in charge
How about we do another turkey?
Getting right back on the horse
Betsy avoids conversation
Somebody's gotta keep a cap on that stuff
All berries are the same
Not my Barry he's special
I cannot stand watching love scenes on TV
They all creep me out
It's even worse when they are elderly
Referencing the list
Betsy is wound up
Behold, this is what our listeners want, Kris
Made by hand by Goodwill Industries employees
Everyone could use them
And we get to pick the scent
How are the commuters going to hand that on the train?
On the antanae of their Treo
The nice thing about the air freshener is it keeps on giving
Very interesting, I'll take it back to the committee
Dino from improv university
He can get them cheaper
Brought to you by the people who brought you Aquadots
I did a photo essay, live blog or our Goodwill date
Photos start here
Watching you was like watching a manic woman
It was an experience
No one needs hot food
It should all be warm
I will own a restaurant someday called "Warm"
We were being followed
He was working downtown Naperville
The guys was a thief
Sure, Kris, he was just shopping
Not so close behind me
Maniacally stirring your hot chocolate to cool it down
Sure, when Whole Foods opens
More like Boulder every day
The man was up to something
He was undercover officer, Kris
He was picking out people who didn't fit . . . and it was you
Does his fleece say "North Face or REI?", no captain
Follow that man
Book nerds are the original nerds
The Bolingbrook thing is ooking me out
Yes, that Bolingbrook with Drew Peterson
The missing Stacey Peterson
In the last week I have gone by 3 groups of people looking for her in the woods
It is strange, simple strange
How your first memory impacts your entire life
What is your first memory Betsy?
Hitting strangers with a broom while they sat in circle
You are crazy
I poked my cousin in the head with a shovel once
You played basketball in gravel

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Tags: North Face Aquadots air fresheners hot chocolate Bolingbrook Petersons

Good news and bad news

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 05:03:59 -0500

The good news is that there is no show for today. The bad news is there's no Wednesday show either.

I'm on my wat to Boulder for work for the next three days and last night we were going to knock out two shows but Maggie bad other ideas.

So for Wednesday I'll bringeth something mashed up from previous shows.

Tags: Croncast no show today best bits mashup Betsy Smith

Kris Smith - New Media, RSS and Podcast Expert

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:43:14 -0500

Kristopher Smith
http://linkedin.com/in/ksmith
Naperville, IL 60565 (630) 445-1719 ● kris[at]palegroove.com

Career Objective

A leadership position with a company interested in benefiting from the opportunities presented by leading edge new media technologies where a commitment to innovative ideas and entrepreneurial spirit is recognized and rewarded.

Qualifications Summary:

Accomplished entrepreneur and strategist with a demonstrated history of success integrating new media technologies into existing platforms and campaigns for Fortune 500 companies.
Combined expertise in RSS and podcast development with an extended network of relationships with independent, corporate and mainstream media.
Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform that enables users to manage large libraries of content and maintain statistics privately.

Professional Experience

Room 214, Boulder, Colorado ● 1/2007-11/2007

Vice President, New Media

Leadership force for product development within an organization that integrates new media, public relations efforts, web marketing methodologies and technologies under cohesive systems that drive measurable calls to action via the Internet. Company services were solicited from some of the most recognized PR firms and creative agencies to positively impact corporate sales, brand awareness and communications.

Major Contributions:

Developed moderated media RSS feeds (mmRSS) for episodic and archived content delivery via RSS
Orchestrated product development and integration of emerging technologies such as Twitter and other social media APIs into Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform
Created and delivered new products from the Castlock code base, RSSignite and Episodr
Spearheaded integration of new media including podcasting and RSS into new client product offerings and marketing campaigns
Invigorated existing client marketing campaigns with new media elements
Directed digital media production from concept to final deliverable
Initiated research and development for RSS strategies and effective RSS search engine optimization
Served as company spokesperson at industry and new media events around the country

Career Note: As a representative of Room 214 and respected authority in the new media field I delivered the following presentations:

Podcast & New Media Expo (Sept. 2007) Ontario, CA.Compression Killed the Video Star
PodCamp NYC (Apr. 2007) New York, New York. Panel Podcast Open Metrics Initiative.
eLearning 2007 (Mar. 2007) Chicago, IL. Using RSS Feeds, Podcasts to Deliver Distance Education
Podcast Academy 5 (Feb. 2007) Duke University. Understanding Authenticated & Personalized RSS Feeds

Joint Commission Resources/Joint Commission, Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois ● 5/2005-12/2006

Associate Director, eLearning

Promoted to direct eLearning digital product development for Joint Commission Resources. Led innovations in delivery of information required to comply with the accreditation standards of the Joint Commission on Accredited Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO). JCAHO accreditation and certification is the standard of excellence in health care organizations.

Major Contributions:

Identified opportunities for new revenue streams utilizing innovative content delivery systems
Evangelized blogging and podcast initiatives to integrate new media technologies within the enterprise
Directed a division to develop digital products and manage legacy products focusing on increasing sales
Engineered courseware implementation, software, coding and course development for field cadre and central office employees
Disseminated educational training information to 400 global field staff via a custom RSS application

Palegroove Studios, Naperville, Illinois ● 2/2005-Present

Founder/CEO

Pioneered the start-up and development of the world's first podcast production company. Advised Fortune 500 clients on utilizing this medium to extend their brands. Developed podcasts from conception to deliverables which includes consulting with client on: show content, format, script writing, transcripts and creation of royalty free musical intros,outros and sweepers. Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform. Produced over 700 podcasts since 2005.

Podcasts Produced:

MasterCard, The Home Depot, Abbot Laboratories (2007)
Nascar Alltel Racing Podcast (2006 & 2007) produced podcasts in conjunction with XM Satellite Radio
NFL Alltel My Circle Podcast (2006 season) produced with nationally recognized radio talent from official team media outlets
Nascar Coors Light Racing Podcast for Coors Light (2006)
Fab 5 Summer '05 Podcasts produced for MTV Networks Affiliate Marketing (2005)
Developed and independently produced Croncast (2004-Present) delivered 3 times a week since November of 2004 and recognized by a number of media outlets including: The New York Times, Detroit Free Press, FOX News, and NBC (Chicago)

Career Note: As a successful entrepreneur and recognized expert in the podcast industry I delivered the following presentations:

PodCamp West (Nov. 2006) San Francisco, CA. Keynote panel The Future of New Media
Portable Media Expo (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. Leveraging Your Knowledge as a Podcasting Consultant
Podcast Academy 4 (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. Web Design for Corporate Podcasting

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois ● 5/2000-5/2005

Distance Learning Technical Support Specialist

Trained and supported university and college faculty throughout Illinois on the integration of technology into the classroom as part of ILLCO, a state funded initiative
Designed and developed all graphics, wrote code, recorded, edited and encoded all audio for a Flash virtual tour of the college campus for use online, CD-ROM and hybrid DVD
Recognized as innovator within organization promoted four times in five years

Languages

PHP, MySQL, RSS, XML, HTML

Audio/Video

Sound Forge, Acid Pro, WaveLab, Vegas, Waves, Fruity Loops

Blogware/Podcasting

Castlock and WordPress

Design/Interactive

Flash, Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator

Courseware

WebCT, aTutor, Scenario Studio, and HorizonLive

Education

BFA Visual Communication with an emphasis in Digital Design 2005

American InterContinental University, Hoffman Estates, Illinois

Associates of Arts Degree December 2000

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois

August 1993 December 1994

Bradley University, Peoria, Illinois

Tags: RSS guru Podcasting professional PHP Castlock New Media expert RSS expert

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 08:43:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-12.mp3
Show: #409
Length: 28:50
Size: 19.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 12, 2007

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I burned the taste buds off my tongue
You can't tell people that, Kris!
There is no excuse
The TSA travel restrictions . . .
You need to buy travel size
I have to always go through with electronic gear
How do you know?
You ever travel with toothpaste
I buy it at the hotel
They only had toothpaste at the hotel
She taught me how to catch knives with my thumbs
Nerds get no respect . . . I can fuck with this guy
I have no need to respect this man
Laughing at me as I look like a fat penguin
Please go ahead of me, I will be here for a while
They always say something about the gear
Yes, you know what I won't even go into and save people time
Hey wait, aren't those condenser mics?
Why yes they are?
Did you say that you used to have a Neumann?
I did not
If you spent our last $7000 on implants . . . no I would not be pissed
I would wish you no ill will
He starts leaning over all suave
Slowly leaning
He goes,"I'm a producer"
I started laughing inside
Aren't we all kid
I felt like an old man
I bet you said it in your creepy voice man
No I didn't
I haven't busted out the creepy voice in a long time
You used to use the creepy all the time
Do the creepy voice
No
I don't know what to say
You think it is suave
It is not creepy
Say, "Ain't we all kid"
Somebody strip search that man
The voice isn't scary or creepy
I did up Boulder
Then came Philadelphia
Many observations from the city of brotherly love
They might have been your siblings, Betsy, not mine
At the first part we ended up at a house part
I didn't eat the beef jerky on the plane
I can follow your advice
Making other people's lives better one flight at a time
I am sure they don't even sell jerky in Boulder
All natural it would be
I go to the house party with Aaron Brazell and his wife Nicole
Imagine how pissed they would be to shake you down for no cash
They are used to living in the city
I am now soft and weak
That is so suburban
Yes, Bears you can't do that
I am an old man now, I can't pull this stuff off
On the porch is a hype causing nothing but trouble
They keeps it super real with gun inside the house
Now that is what I call a house party for a guy who never leaves his man pit
Hey, I'm at a party
Betsy starts making shit up
I hung up and was like
Kris is at work at a house party in the hood
The party was pretty good
Next day headed off to Podcamp Philly
The after party Saturday night . . . unisex, co-ed bathrooms . . . WTF
"It's trendy"
It is not trendy to have to dump out in front of the opposite sex
No one likes to do it
Betsy goes off about the cleaning people
Baby, no one . . . no one, likes to clean
You can't have male cleaners
Men can't clean
It is totally genetic
You can't keep anything clean baby
I know you will try but it is all full of junk
That's called inventory

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Tags: Philadelphia Swanky Bubbles Aaron Brazell Nicole Brazell Podcamp Philly 2007 cleaners

Playing catch-up

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 13:23:06 -0500

It's been a crazy day so far. Just wanted to let anyone know waiting on anything from me that I am getting caught up after last weeks travels. Photos are over here at flickr.

Back to the grind.

Tags: Croncast Kris Smith Betsy Smith Philadelphia Boulder

hasta luego boulder

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:27:02 -0500

Philly here I come.

Tags: philly boulder luego hasta

Podcasting gets a plug from Eric Zorn

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 07:26:06 -0500

Eric Zorn has a good, succinct write up about podcasting in today's Trib, Pull up a chair, the plug in some podcasts. Well, at least the online version. As I sit in my room here in Boulder the only thing available to me is a paper printed on recycled hemp with biodegradable ink that is already fading. I kid the Boulder.

Anyway, in the blog version Eric did something else cool, he posted other podcasts that were recommended from people on his mailing list. We didn't make Eric's list but we did make Rick's. Thanks for the nod holmes.

With us in Rick's list and many of the others was the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me podcast. It is only correct that we showed up in front of this Chicago Public Radio staple in Rick's list. Why? As I will remind the the rest of planet earth with a connection to the tubes we are Peter Sagal's favorite podcasters. Heheheh. I have the photo to prove it. He wrote it on his own program from May 2005, no less.

If you happen to listen to the show from 2005 where we review the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me live show, just keep in mind it is from the olden days of podcasting back when tumbleweeds and buffaloes ruled the plains.

Since then we've put over 375 more shows under our belts and gotten much better at this thing. Tighter, as they say in the biz.

Tags: Eric Zorn Chicago Tribune Wait Wait Don't Tell Me podcast my favorite podcaster planet earth

Trying something new

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 06:38:39 -0500

Stay with me on this. I want to try something new for the kids.

I'm going to try to document this trip for them so they can see what
it is that daddy does when he actually leaves the basement.

Here goes nothing!

Tags: philly boulder basement on the road daddy

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 05, 2007

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:01:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-05.mp3
Show: #406
Length: 30:50
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 05, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Show notes:
Keeping it short I have to pack for the road
Too much flight stuff in the news lately
I'm in Boulder today
Beef jerky on airplanes
Betsy is against the dried beef among people
Betsy' has lost 10 lbs on her Jeanie diet
Blogger's Choice Awards - vote us up!
Getting to bed on time
Kris talks about getting suspended from school
Betsy reminds him of when he sent home from kindergarten
On Friday Kris will tell always funny styrofoam cup story

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Tags: beef jerky Jeanie's diet Blogger's Choice Awards best podcast Boulder Philly

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:42:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-01.mp3
Show: #392
Length: 1:05:10
Size: 44.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

We've made it into the month of August
You've now crossed into Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club
Sure you don't want to bitch about Boulder some more?
I like Boulder, there are just some things I don't
We roll up and there is a guard tower
Was he standing there with a rifle?
No, Mr B
It is a gorgeous view
Flanked by beauty
The guard comes ambling up to the Volvo
Your names ladies?
We give them, remember this
"Do you ladies have any firearms with you?"
No firearms in this Volvo
This wagon is clear
He gives us directions
We roll on up
Elk Mountain Resort is beautiful
The valet pulls it four feet away and parks
The woman on hotels.com just kept complaining about it
She is nuts
Jeannie says the place is like Annie
Everyone stands to greet you as you walk in
Then there was Santa Claus
A dude with a white beard and red suit?
No, he had a uniform and a "I love my job smile"
He's got hot towels on a silver platter
He looks at me and says, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
He looks at Jeannie, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
Shit, the deal is sealed, we are the dykes
Welcome to first class
It took us 9 hours from Boulder
We'll make everything guided for you
What time would you ladies like dinner?
This Mrs. Smith would like to eat before 7:30
Mrs. Smith and I would like to eat in 45 minutes
Santa has an ear piece and a chest mic
He talks into it and poof the bell hop appears
We get to our room and the view is gorgeous
If you don't like it dial "0"
The bed looks like a cloud from heaven
I got Wal-Mart sheets
Jeanie, "We have robes!"
Hers and hers robes would have been nice
So we get dressed for dinner
It was intimidating, we felt like we didn't fit
Then I bust out the gift certificate
We wanted to play it cool
Sure, you want to fit in
They were nicer than your grandma who hasn't see you in three years
Every time you walk in the door the staff stands
Oh, are you ladies here for dinner?
I'll announce you, then he speaks into his lapel, "The Smiths are here for dinner."
You haven't told them yet?
No I was waiting for Jeannie
Who's the man, the big footed one with a bad perm
Are there any other guests at the resort?
Two other men not talking
There were 10 total guests at the resort
We order our dinner and they ask for drinks
My mom always orders the house wine, the cheap stuff
I'll have a Mountain Dew won't go over well
Jeannie hates red wine but follows Betsy's lead
Hi, I'm Chef Jeff, which house wine is best for you?
They start bringing out bread baskets and baked stuff
Chef Jeff is like, "Fuck dude! I worked on that all day and you can't say it."
I look at Jeannie, I can tell she doesn't like it
Been there and done that
Jeannie is woofing it down
I have to eat at least half of it
The two men eating alone are now joined by someone I recognize
The owner that I had seen on The Daily Show
Kris if you kick it up a notch we can do this every weekend
He comes over to the table
Asks what activities we are going to do
ATV's and shooting
We are the only resort in the entire world to have access for ATV's
Jeannie, "I love the outdoors but I can't go up high"
Our ATV's are automatic
They've thought of everything
Yes, everything
On the ride you will come to a place called Top of the World
So high that airplanes will fly below
Then he launches in to the special lights
These are based on the biologic make up of a lobster's eye
They are used to melt the snow to make an ice tunnel
Mr. Foreman continues to talk about the press they have gotten
A book on the NYT Best Sellers list is based at Elk Mountain Resort
He had me sold . . . I wanted to kiss a bear and drive to the top of the world
Why would you think that you couldn't do something?
Tom Foreman makes you believe that you can do anything
Enter the rest of the guests
Three sets of couples that look like my neighbors
Fit soccer moms?
Yes, Kris
I just drove 4 states over to get away from them
Now they are going to spoil my mountain view
Mr. Foreman goes over to the new couples
The super sweet firebox
Then our food comes
Every time there was another opportunity to be put in our place
We were still really awkward
Betsy has a bowl of puss and I get a bowl of noodles
It was couscous Jeannie
Jeannie starts to panic, all I get are these noodles
Campbell's has everything including broth
Then they bring the broth
After that they bring out dinner
The whole thing was terrific
Except that we were both completely terrified
To get over the petrification of being treated so well and Elk Mountain Resort stay more nights
Kris you are the king of upgrade
So after dinner Santa jumps up
We get our bill after dinner
Betsy goes white
Shut up Jeannie, I'll tell you later
The one thing you can't return is food
What I was freaking out about was that our house wine turned out to be $18 a glass
From their perspective, the lesbians aren't satisfied
Chef Jeff asks if dinner was to their liking
Then Thomas comes over and asks
After that the waitress comes up
Sure, they are trained like the CIA to read unhappiness
What would you ladies like to do?
We would like a jacuzzi?
Our eyes meet and we realize . . . they aren't out to get us . . . they are out to spoil us
Drinking our sangria in the hot tub
The cheap wine was awesome
Betsy took 100 pics of the tops of trees
At the Boulder art fair there was a dude with aspen photos
So we retire to the room and Jeannie puts on a robe
Sliding into the bed of heaven
Mrs. Smith, this is going to be the greatest night of my life
The greatest part of this is that I have no kids to wake me up
Betsy wakes up at 6:01 for coffee and viewing birds that were probably released for my pleasure
Do you know how much this is costing per minute? Get up Jeannie
We decide to take a hike
We start to walk by workers that gardening
When they see you they stop, stand, smile and ask you if you need anything
Landscapers saw us, they froze like deer
When we went by them they commenced working again
Tom has thought of everything
When a crossed eyed man in golf cart tells you "good luck" heed his warning
People are freezing along the trail "I'm a tree. I'm a tree. I'm a tree"
Maybe the trail was made for someone who came one time
Betsy, they did not release cows into the national forest for you to view
Queue the cattle
Someone left it on the comment card no doubt
Gotta watch out for the feral cows
Jeannie was petrified of them
Now you know why he told you good luck
That guy used to not be cross eyed till a cow incident
We can hear them shrieking and yelling
There they are . . . the soccer moms on the zip line
Whew, my Nike sports bra is twisted
We are on our way back
Jeannie freezes as we stand on Have you told anyone that you are not Mrs. Smith?
I see two brown ears rising out of this draining ditch
Out jumps a giant mule deer
Betsy chases it to take it's photo
The lesbians are crazy!
What are the lesbians doing now?
Time for lunch on the patio
We need some cigarettes and an ashtray
"Can I have an ashtray?"
She speaks into her cleavage mic
Around the corner, "I'm on it"
I know it is fun to play spies but this is weird
It was awesome though, instant ashtray
Lesbians are on porch, queue deer
Queue the geese
Then the soccer moms come bouncing back fit and tan
"Where are you guys from?"
Bloomington. "We are going to drive through there."
Their husbands, reserved and uptight
Screw it, this is all about me
I am going to make the soccer moms laugh
She swore that she was thirsty and all the sudden water showed up
"Guess how many kids we have?"
I don't know this is a game?
We have 10 combined?
How many are girls?
One
Then they struck a bad ass soccer mom pose
They brought things like running shoes
Betsy brought Crocs and sandals
Perfect lesbian gear
The soccer moms told us that the ATV's were awesome
We get ready to go and Misha shows up
I have done this ride 500 times and not lost 1 person yet
She takes out these top gun flight suits
I brought you the biggest ones we have
Betsy, "Of course mine won't zip up"
Jeannie, "neither will mine"
Jeannie you rock!
This could be customer service boot camp
Their motto must be "we are not going to tell you no"
They actually import vans from Europe to fit through their gates
Probably because it is more aesthetically pleasing
This is my new motto, "It is all about me"
Betsy gives me the thumbs up and then hits a tree
So we're going up the mountain
Jeannie is flying behind Misha
Betsy is stuck
I look down and my left hand has the brake so tight that I won't move
When you got on the quad the Unitarian in you took over
It was trying to save you
Oh, I'm sorry when was the last time you drove an ATV up a mountain
Betsy is trying to avoid the sticks
"Mam, that is an all terrain vehicle. Run over the sticks."
Hitting trees really hurts
Right before we get to The Top of the World
I look up and it is all Aspens and cattle
Jeannie starts to freak
Get me past that cow so fast
I am getting away from that cow so fast
Kris, we got to the top of mountain
You can see Utah, three mountain ranges at 9000 ft
We both had brown mustaches
It added to the lesbianism
Every time Betsy talks to the staff it is about her husbands and kids
Talk into your chest, the lesbians are not lesbians
These people are awesome
Misha ran a camp for bad ass kids
Like outward bound? Way scarier
Working at Elk Mountain Resort is top of the food chain
You have got to put in your time
John of course is an ex-Navy Seal
He is bad ass
You feel amazingly comfortable and slightly scared
I love men like that. Don't you Jeannie
Sure, he was handsome too
OK, time for this podcast to end
We ended on the ATV's and it was time to drink
Don't hand the truck driver the bottle
Four or five inches of vodka
Kris, we almost drank an entire bottle of vodka
Jeannie is naked in a robe and slippers
We are ripped
You are so awesome . . . No, you are so awesome
I look at clock and it is 9:00 p.m. and we haven't eaten
We dial "0" and they tell us that the dining room is still open for us
We arrive and there are flames to the ceiling
Chef Jeff is making bananas foster
The soccer moms start to speak to us
Betsy with her vodka mouth
"Are we going to be on your webcast?", soccer moms
Jeannie loves it when I get out of control
"We should introduce ourselves"
No that is OK, I already have a name for you, "The bad ass soccer moms"
It could go either way
Then the leader dies laughing
Right, there has to be an Alpha mom in the group
Yes, the one with the longest Escalade, the EXT
So Chef Jeff comes over
Betsy, "A-1 Jeff we're trashed. Can I call you Chef Jeff from now on"
That's not chatting it up that is drunk babble
Chef Jeff really made it
We don't go to gourmet restaurants and have the chef talk to us for 40 minutes
It was entirely phenomenal
Kris, I know we have talked about how I challenged the Russian to a vodka drinking contest
Can I take it back when you order the most expensive item on the menu?
And I was on the urge of vomiting
Kobe beef times 2 with bananas foster
Betsy looks at me like you better eat that bitch
Chef Jeff is buying us drinks
And I have to deny him because now I can't see him
I don't know where I am at
We stumble back to our room
There is that point, where you realize that I am done my man
Jeannie deals with Betsy, I am sick
I will lay in the bed of heaven
Betsy has the her cigarettes and the camera around her neck
You ticked me off
You don't like me anymore?
I'll like you tomorrow
You just ripped my underwear and are out of control
I proceed to go to the most beautiful bathroom in the states
And I don't even have to use my muscles
I have an exorcism of the most expensive meal I have ever ate
More babbling from Betsy
Typical Betsy move, "I made myself throw up"
This is the best planned bathroom of all time
6 feet from toilet to wall on a slate floor
Betsy made a bed right there with a Turkish robe
And I fell asleep on that cold stone slate floor and it felt so good
As I was falling asleep I thought to myself . . .
I love John, Misha, Chef Jeff and I love Tom the most
Why? Because he was smart enough to put a twin bed in the water closet
I don't know what we were thinking by drinking so much
I have nicotine and alcohol poisoning . . . I need to dial "0"
We have to do another show for Valhalla
It was the most emotional day of Jeannie's life
Sorry about your underwear dude
I'll get you a Target gift certificate
These were Victoria Secret
Do you know how much stuff I will have to find and sell from Goodwill?
Final installment of Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla comes your way tomorrow!

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Tags: kobe beef bananas foster Elk Mountain Resort Valhalla Shooting Club Chef Jeff bad ass soccer moms

Back home

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 13:23:43 -0500

From Boulder to Naperville in 18 hours yesterday is taking its toll.

Regardless, after three weeks of being on the road, it is good to be home and back to nerding out with my old partners here in the man pit. I think that my gear gets lonely when I'm not around.

Tags: drive to Boulder Naperville Naperville to Boulder distance 977 miles

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 30, 2007

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 22:59:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-30.mp3
Show: #391
Length: 39:17
Size: 26.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 30, 2007

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We'll be on the road today headed home to Naperville, so this show gets short notes:

We rejoin Betsy, Jeanie and the kids on the descent from the mountain
Kris arrives in Boulder
Jeanie invents a game called "Slap a Subaru" (you'll have to listen for directions) for playing in Boulder
Betsy and Jeanie drop the kids with Kris and leave town for Elk Mountain Resort
They get lost and eat lunch in Breckenridge
After a four more hours of driving they arrive at Montrose, CO near the resort
The ladies make it to Elk Mountain Resort

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Tags: Montrose CO Elk Mountain Resort Breckenridge lunch The Price is Right Slap a Subaru

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:59:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-27.mp3
Show: #390
Length: 32:29
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

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It's been a while since we've done a show
The worst part is I can't tell anyone the story
It will ruin the show
We have to tell everyone we'll tell you later
I did see some of the photos baby
Jeanie and I laughed
Don't start there Bears
This is not the typical Croncast, Kris and Betsy story
Sure I have been supplanted by Jeanie
Mr B would have done this anyway
Do you want to tell your story?
Can I give you some hints to telling a story
We are going to start our story from the very beginning
Jeanie rolls up to my house
We have to go to my sister's kids party
My mom and my dad in the same building, stress
The last time was like 10 years since they were in same room
I had nightmares about how bad this trip was going to be
Epiphany was to dope them out with DVD's
Misgivings? Why? Last year was not enough?
So I strap in the DVD player and monitors
We surprise the kids with it
Strap in the kids and pull away
The power adapter pops in, out, in, out
Elliot,"It's on, It's off. It's on. It's off."
With a former truck driver by your side I shouldn't have been worried
Jeanie took a class in map reading
"Betsy, where is the map?"
"I don't have one."
Simply a print out from mapquest
With the kids I figured it out
Take the group home approach, catch them being good
What does Maggie get?
Green dry erase markers
45 minutes later Jeanie says you've got look at Maggie
The scariest site ever
Maggie colored herself green and put chocolate in her hair
She was laughing maniacally
"I funny. I funny."
So we pull over at a truck stop
I walk in with Gigi
Everyone stops, turns and stares at us
She had lifted her dress and colored all the way to her diaper
That woman is totally talking to Betsy
Dry erase markers come off very easy
Where are you at this point?
Western Illinois
Jeanie wanted to hit the world's largest truck stop
Betsy, "Didn't you listen to last year's vacation show?"
Another thing that we learned last year was to get a hotel room
Jeanie was rolling up in the driveway when you booked it
You didn't remember it
Kris, shut up, this is my show
No map Betsy doesn't know where she is
Elliot and Maggie hit the hotel and want to sleep with mama
Elliot has had it and is ready to sleep in the car
Little Kris was in the backseat complaining
Now he reads numbers he made sure to point out we were speeding
I don't recommend the Super 8 in Lincoln, Nebraska
Isn't there something in Lincoln like a university
Jeanie brings the good trip karma with her
The scary omens of the open road
I had apologized to Jeanie
You have got to heed the signs
Every mile marker was a Slowsky moment
I was amazed that we rolled into Denver/Boulder area
The kids have started to melt down
Hey, you've won another Pokeman card
Jeanie, can I have another car
Honey, Mommy is going 90 mph you need to sit still
They waited until we were in traffic to act up
Every parent knows that you kids don't need anything from you until you are merging onto the interstate
We were behind a Prius
It had a blue hair in it, double whammy
Did the exhaust smell like broccoli or cooked carrots?
When you ride with Betsy you are junk coordinator
Fast food dumped in your lap and Betsy sipping on her diet coke
Give me that grilled chicken bitch
I know you, Booba
Speeder! I won't get in to it
Kris has speeding story to tell
My great Denver court room story
We have been here for 12 minutes into the immaculate clean house where we are staying kids flip out
So we leave the house
Where did you go?
Pearl Street
Do you want to stand on a clogged street in 88 degree heat with hippies
Elliot's hippie story, guy's sign said, "need money for a shirt," but I watched him take off his shirt and stick it under a rock
Sounds like Pearl Street to me
Henry is putting up a mark on the chalkboard right now
I know who your favorite hippie is
Jeanie called Evan to tell him that they were going to see the hippies
"My ship has sunk. I need cash"
I told you it was the pirate
Very herbal
They're all playing guitars and wait for you
No judgment, eh Kris?
Pete the pirate
You could start a fish stick line with his name for $6
I have to stand there and tell my son that this stuff is normal
We saw Goth grandma
She doesn't care anymore
You get passed 70 and start tripping on your titties
The point of this story that children work on 15 minute cycles
Jeanie sees the
Here's the reason the hippies bother me
They are balanced out by smug trust fund babies
Betsy, "I only pan handled once. That is a story for another day."
The next day when you came home from San Francisco I made sure we got home right away
Elliot saves family in the mountains
Give him a hard time, you can't mess with the man
We stopped someplace in between
The place where you buy gas in a bucket
We roll into Rocky Mountain National Park
The kids are watching Scoobie Doo at full blast
We are excited about a fox with dead animals in its mouth
Elliot, "Shush, there is a boy named Elliot in this episode"
Momma, I just saw a squid
Momma, I just saw an alligator
Not even close to being in a forest
It's not funny when you are their mother
He got it from a book you bought him
A book about future animals 10,000 years from now with illustrations
I forgot my cell phone
That is what I do Mr. B
So we start going up the mountain
Jeanie is gripping the OSHA car handle
The blood vessels are popping out from between her fingers
She has gone pale
Maggie, "no up. No up. No up."
Betsy talks Jeanie down
Look I'm driving with no hands
Maggie's sense is I'm strapped in
Shut up guys, Scoobie is on
Wrap the show . . . coming back down the mountain
Maybe a little Elk Mountain Resort, Valhalla on Monday, Wednesday

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Tags: portable DVD Pearl Street Jeanie Bowen summer vaction 2007 Elk Mountain Resort

Betsy rolls out in the wagon today

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 10:50:08 -0500

Yes, most of you know that Betsy has decided to repeat the drive to Colorado. That drive, as you might remember it last year involved Slowsky (the eBay van) and John Elway Dodge (now Go Dodge Arapahoe).

So this year Betsy upped the crazy factor arranging a couple of days at Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club. She's convinced Jeanie they'll spend more time repelling and in nature but I'm sure that Betsy is going to spend more time spending bullets on mannequins.

Hopefully, Slowsky isn't still haunting the Volvo and we can get on with our road travels in peace. Did you sense my optimism?

Tags: Go Dodge Arapahoe Slowsky Valhalla Shooting Club Elk Mountain Resort Boulder CO

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:20:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-20.mp3
Show: #389
Length: 34:31
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 20, 2007

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Hey guys, no show notes for today . . . I am trying to get to bed for an early flight.

Today's show is from after the Live show ended earlier this month. A bit of question and answer and some behind the scenes stuff you might not have already known.

Have a good weekend!

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Tags: Croncast Kris Smith Betsy Smith Boulder, CO

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 08:03:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-18.mp3
Show: #388
Length: 15:53
Size: 10.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 18, 2007

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Why is it that you are always calling me names?
I gotta get to my posse at Goodwill
Mike Marusin
Garbage equals cash
Trash is a state of mind
The CEO will have that tattooed on himself
A gorgeous mausoleum
They gotta keep things rolling
Their executives were felons years ago
Big rims and rolling large
I am having a phenomenal eBay week
This is my Valhalla money
I gotta sell this shit
Michigan Avenue bags turned into something else
We're still cracking away at it
We are selling more stuff that comes from Land of Nod
It is all outlet goods but selling well
Look at this
It's like the L.L. Bean for kids
I have never seen it
Yeah, they do . . . Elliot's room is Land of Nod
Someone has to return their stuff
The boy chained to the log didn't sew it right
The stars aligned and the heavens opened
Patch flannel comforter cover
Screen printed all over
Screen printed stuff smells
Not worth the hassle send it to the outlet
Your driving trip to Boulder
You found that one little thing to exploit and make money for your trip
Every piece of patch of patch flannel will be owned by you
The stuff for little boys is never cute . . . always rugged
The frilly fluffy stuff goes for the girls
Illustrators are doing the design work for them
You are so child like
Man, I am tired
I can't believe we did all these shows tonight
Friday will be the Q & A from the live show

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Tags: Land of Nod Valhalla Goodwill Industries trash is cash frilly fluffy stuff