breast | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:08:08 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-10.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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Betsy laughing during intro
James Brown sang "It's a Man's World"
But that's all wrong
I've seen enough previews from Showtime to know
It's a lipstick lesbians world
No, Kris, I've watched enough Lifetime TV
Betsy has 'dranken' a little much wine
My portion size is off drinking it out of a milk glass
I am not drinking wine because it is grape juice with alcohol
What?
That is like saying that I don't like Boone's Farm Wild Island
So I went to buy some wine at Costco
You can't take kids in there
You can take them in there
No way, Costco is way to shishi
They have to stand outside and scream
Man, when I was a kid my mom took us to Walgreens with her to buy booze
No way!
Yeah, she would go to get prescriptions filled
We would walk into the liquor department buy booze
Then go back to pick up the prescriptions
You need something to wash the pills down with
My grape juice didn't have pulp, Betsy
Listen to me retardo montoban
Wine and grape juice are parallel in my brain
You again agree with me
After last week's shows . . .
I won't apologize for shows anymore
But they didn't have the full funny
Elliot went on a trip with Betsy
What would Grandma want for Christmas Elliot?
Something for her 'Pitties'
What?
Those things that you ladies have that grow out of your armpits
Do you mean breasts Elliot?
Ummmmm . . . I don't know
You guys got those weird undees things that go over your 'Pitties'
Do you mean a bra?
You can't buy your Grandma a bra for Christmas
One day you start itching
Then your Pitties come out
Grandma bras on eBay
Our kids won't be having kids
Sure, Betsy
Can Kris leave the house without returning with a story?
Nope
Did you leave the house this weekend?
Yeah, I left last night
Two nerds sitting in a bar next to one another
Loud music, and communicate through twitter
I saw my friends this morning at the Goodwill opening
My video tape buyer shows up
He is great
He would be in a Thrift Score
I mentioned that I was doing some new stuff
He walked away from me
I wasn't trying to hang
I was trying to over do it
The best time to sell 9 1/2 Weeks
They will raid him and he is creepy
His wife thinks he's crazy
What are you doing wrong?
We are soul mates, Kris
Betsy's jealousy comes out
We had a hard week last week
Interviews are going great
More this week and some follow ups

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Tags: Wine Boone's Farm Wild Island Pitties James Brown Thrift Score

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 09:32:34 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-03.mp3
Show: #441
Length: 33:28
Size: 23.0mb
Format: mp3

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Note: Something was off with the sound level on Betsy's mic in today's show and I didn't catch it until it was too late. Content wise, well, they all can't be winners.
Welcome to December
Ron Paul is taking Naperville by storm
If Rick was here this wouldn't be happening
Tell me why Iowa gets to pick the best candidate?
I dunno
I don't have a better answer
That is what I am talking about
It's needed for the parties to have a race and for the media to have a news cycle
Live blogging from a combine in the field
I like to see how far away I can find something to listen to
I didn't chase it on the quad
The law of the land says you gotta sit in the tree
It took 10 men and new named jr. to kill a deer
Are we gay or gangster tonight?
Oh, baby
Iowa matters to the candidates and the media
It's all bunk
Did you now just hear me?
They got the world's largest truck stop
You totally agree with me
My path has been illuminated Mr. B
My inner gyroscope has stopped spinning
Don't fall over
I'll talk more about our perfectly good babysitter
You need to bring it
She looks at me and says are you the comedian?
Are you the model?
I'm paying to learn how to be a comedian
If I were a doctor I would me doing bush medicine
Is there a big expectation to be funny?
There is always a standing expectation that you'll be funny
Brunch, play date, dinner or church I have to be funny
You're like a young Don Rickles
I saw him again, the Starbucks stalker guy
At church I had to follow two cases of breast cancer but I still slayed them
You're mom comes home
"Can you believe I had to go to three stores to get a dog sweater?"
Uh, no
The fact that you didn't have to go to 80 blows my mind
She dressed him in a rain coat
It wasn't a rain coat Kris, it was a fisherman outfit
We're thinking about doing another live show

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Tags: dog sweater Starbucks Ron Paul inner gyroscope Don Rickles

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 08:21:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-02.mp3
Show: #428
Length: 30:52
Size: 22.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

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It's Tell a Friend Friday
Tell your people, people
Switched up the intro
Added Podcast.com as a place you might get your podcasts
Check them out
Happy early birthday to Mark
He needs a cold turkey quit smoking partner
You up for it Betsy?
Does he have someone in Atlanta?
My birthday is then seven days after
Right after our three year mark
We'll be doing this until the wheels fall off
I get worried about our archive
Yeah, can't you just burn it to disc
Final paycheck from the day job came in today
Today was the contract execution date
So many things had to fall into place
We talk money and situation for a bit
For those of you who don't like this stuff skip ahead to 14:08
Many people have been in our shoes
You better get a job Mr B
It's already not been nice
We said we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore
However, it's all be got going on right now
It is what takes up our waking hours
That's your problem Mr B
It's stressful
Yeah, we could end up moving . . . highly likely
Very little is going on here in Chicago
Not a leading edge city
The coasts are full of rocking gigs
Looking for jobs that are in wrong category
I found 10 different ones put away like this
Next is to contact the recruiters on these sites
Newly revised resume in PDF format (Yes, I know address is missing in this version)
Check it out
Though it's the same as my Linkedin Profile
I've had lots of people on this resume
Everyone is telling me that this will take longer than
Every time we talk about money it makes people crazy
Don't bother sending the hate mail
What do you want for your birthday?
Don't even say
Health insurance?
I have health insurance for us through January
Could this be worse?
Yes
I have contracts, things I can't share
It's up to listeners to fill in blanks
Dating the show
Part of being smart is that you should hate TV
I love TV Mr B
When you say kerchief it sounds like crew chief when you say it
Your references are all 80's TV
I am breaking into a new garage sale area
Hinsdale, a swanky Chicago suburb
Betsy puts the stereotype lifestyle
Kris finally tells the breast feeding plate story
The mosquito fogger driving down the street and chasing it
Breast feeding was the best time of my life
If you have healthy children
I will buy you your own plates, Betsy
With correct hair, eye and nipple color
You're gonna get me a titty plate?
You just don't bust those out that awesome
Oh, man your mom, Kris
You have no more awesome stories
I watched Three's Company
You watched Titty Plates

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Tags: Franklin Mint Breast feeding plates Kris Smith Resume Podcast.com mosquito fogger

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 08:10:38 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-08.mp3
Show: #419
Length: 36:44
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

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Thanks to Dan for the generous support late last week . . .
This show is for you
I have found my next career
Home Bottling factory for breast milk
That is creepy
I should totally do this is
You can pump and dump
My house is near hear
Your 15 minute break is no problem
My sister won't stop calling
She called me in church today
They have a conversion van club
I don't have a conversion van anymore Vicky
Do you have a hand pump anymore?
You got 30 minutes at work you can do a double pump and dump
If you have to pump in a prison bathroom would you even touch the electrical outlet
Their mirrors aren't even made of glass
Shiny metal like a McMansion refrigerator
When I take out the pump is make this noise
And I start leaking right away
The reason for the pee pee
I got moobs I don't feel her pain
The noise queues her and immediate let down
Walk into a shopping mall with a boom box playing that sound
Watch the mommies
Helps me milk the goat
Flafoo now exists
Tell your story Mr. B
Flafoo.com
Say it three times fast
Flafoo flafoo flafoo
The whole idea is to make finding shit on eBay easy and quick
Making looking up stuff on eBay fun again
Kris's idea of funny with links
Following that path of keywords
I could say turkey fryer - http://flafoo.com/turkey fryer
And it works on your iPhone quickly
If you are buying anything from eBay start your shopping at flafoo.com
I need a job to support my garage saling habit
Goodwill is eBay 1942
Waiting for stuff to come through the doors
The Christians go buy pancakes and then come to Goodwill for skirts
I was about to pounce on a comforter set
I heard her reading the title letter for letter
I knew what she was doing
She was having someone look up her shit on eBay
So I start to chat it up with her
Screw the voice mails . . . send her a text
My Blackberry doesn't send text messages
Right
I didn't nerd out on her
She's the woman who got he Blackberry and said, "O it's for recipes"
Did you take her under your wing?
I tried Mr B
My niche is the toys . . . you can't take that part of Goodwill
The breast feeding plates
Have we ever talked about plates
Friendship was kind of born
Well, that is good
All the regulars are kind of gone
How is that creepy?
Have you noticed that they are not here?
Who?
I should have known then
Putting my car in the garage
Yes I had to move your junk
No more big stuff Mr. B I promise
Well, you threw a passive aggressive smack down
Garage is for cars, Betsy
It's for toys, rakes and storage
I think it is a puffy cuff thing
How is that a puffy cuff thing?
My car has 75 miles in the last three months
You drove them Betsy
Wheelchair stroller
My mom's prize Wheaties box with Michael Jordan on it
You got to keep this one straight baby
Getting stuff together for one of you mom's students
I feel like I been hit in the forehead with Night Train
Dewey, Wednesday's show is for you

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Tags: flafoo Wheaties box Blackberry Dan Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

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Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:09:14 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-18.mp3
Show: #377
Length: 33:05
Size: 22.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

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After Friday's show you deserve this show. I haven't laughed this hard listening to one of our shows when doing up show notes ever.

Switched up the intro and Betsy gets lost
I finally get to tell my Entourage show intro beef because the fixed
What was the issue, flipped text
I don't think HBO gave the show a shot because the intro was jacked up
Bless you baby
Season 4 of Entourage they fixed the "Pizza" thing, sweet
Flight of the Conchords isn't on my watch list
Not a fan of the musical in any format
The Tudors dude is short and that ruined it for me
Tom Cruise wears flats, Tudors man should
Kris puts a ban nationwide on hummus
God damn, there is so much bad breath in this country because of it
The effort and strain that it takes to be married to Kris
It was like 105 degrees up there?
Did you put on some sunscreen?
No
That's not the point
Did you drink water?
That's not he point
Did you wear a hat?
That's not the point
Self-care skills are nil in your case, Mr. B
I understand that being healthy is important
The playset used to be log cabin
They can't destroy it because Abraham Lincoln might have slept in it
Yeah, the other daddies sleep with their lawnmower in their bedroom
He hasn't mowed his lawn longer than me
All I have to say is . . .
A big well of pity
Happy father's day Mr B.
That'll teach him . . . should have worn sunscreen
Look at the nice swing set with Abraham Lincoln wood
It is now a shiny beacon of play land for kids
Abe would be proud
I knew it would be done
The neighbors got the Rainbow Swing set
900 fat men could sit on it an not break it
I accidentally set myself up in a Betsy joke
So he says it to daddy and it's on
He should have been saying it to you
Man, Booba you are just full the Mr. B hate
You did a good job Mr B
I didn't know you knew how to use those tools
Back to the banning of hummus
Sweating out every last bit of water in body
Betsy hanging out breastfeeding and eating hummus
The interior of the house doesn't smell like dogs, cats or baby poop
It smells like Betsy's hummus death
It all came to me in a flash
I was embarrassed when your friends came over
Betsy's throat hummus fills the entire house
The real problem is that all the toothpaste in the world is poison
But, Jesus, the Tom's Natural Toothpaste is horrible
Elliot, "You can't eat the toothpaste. If you do it taste like you swallowed a plant."
Hippies shouldn't make anything that goes in your mouth
Neighbors cutting down trees again
We plant a tree, they cut down three
Now it is on our driveway as mulch
We debated for a long time, but the tree was going to fall down
Right, and your kids will die too
Was the tree sick?
The tree care guy said it had a patch of fungus that could grow
What sort of fear mongers must the tree care specialists be?
Trees will kill you in your sleep in the middle of the night
It is their favorite time to fall over and crush you
So what did I find in the river?
Here's crazy shit #997 that happens to me and Kris
I'll finish it on Wednesday's show

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Tags: Rainbow swingset Entourage Flight of the Conchords Abraham Lincoln cabin hummus death

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 24, 2007

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:40:33 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-24.mp3

Show: #331
Length: 30:20
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 24, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by James Hously
Intro done partially without any effects at beginning and the rest . . . history
Betsy mimics the bird man intro to the detriment of our audience
You look like a bird, Mr. B
Yeah maybe a flightless bird
Bears, you look like a Red Breasted Booby-Knocker
That would be the name of the bird that I get to name
You would name them all that
Who's got the PhD in Birdology . . . ornithology
Oh back when it was rocks for jocks
The same depth of sag, that's why they got along
You're being really sensitive tonight
I hit 30 and have found some good friends
People in 40's, 50's say when you are in your 20's you don't know shit
What are you thinking Betsy?
Chill out Bears
We we're oh so dumb, what did we know?
Why did we get married . . . especially at 20 and 21
I don't remember . . . but love and all that
That is back when you were wearing the teal cummerbund
With the fuschia shirt
You could have fried an egg on that shirt on a hot day
I used to walk home from that job at 4 am
Did you turn down every fourth prostitute or every third?
I did get followed home one night
By who a manitute?
He was hoping for Ballpark and ended up with a cocktail weenie
We hit 30 and things started to change
Kris, you proved us all wrong
That is back when I was making pizza's at the gas station
That guy did me a solid . . . he set me up with my first computer job
He asked me what was up with wife being pregnant
Worked for them for five years
The reason that Kris doesn't get along with IT departments
He opened the door for me
The tow of Slowsky part two
Living in Milwaukee and the car is going to get towed
But sir it has "Just Married" written in soap on it . . . "So"
Read your medication guidelines for side effects
I'll share most of it

Tags: manitute Red Breasted Booby-Knocker ornithology PhD Slowsky part two casino cage Volvo of Lisle

About Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 12:30:42 -0600

Once cool, Kris and Betsy are now living on a cul de sac and breeding. This is not your typical husband and wife podcast. Betsy should really be on the road making mad cash but that would interfere with breastfeeding.

A bit more:
We've been podcasting since November 8th, 2004
We release podcasts every Mon - Wed - Fri by 3:00 P.M. CST
You could listen one show every weekday for 1 year and 2 months without repeat
- 480+ podcasts
- Average podcast length 32 minutes
- Total length played end to end - 256+ hours (as of 04/14/08)

Check out the show archive page to download past shows.

New to the show?
Try listener favorites from the Vacation Series, Acts 1, 2, 3 and 4. Though it is over a year old you might also try "Croncast - We're Coming Over ". It's a 79 min. best of our first year selected from over 100 hours of Croncasts since Nov '04.

Subscribe with iTunes:

RSS Feed: http://www.croncast.com/all.rss
Shows, news, blog all in one

Tags: Kris Smith Betsy Smith Croncast Funniest Podcast Best Talk Podcast

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:42:50 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-01.mp3

Show: #308
Length: 25:15
Size: 17.3 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 01, 2006

I am way under the weather today and it isn't just the snow. My voice is really tore up in this show and I have to force my voice quite a bit. Not to mention, there is not a real Kris laugh in the show. When I laugh for real I cough like an emphysemic grandfather.

I ask Betsy to do the intro
Kris is on Death's door
I've got Tasmanian Bird Flu
Tell the people what you had for lunch
I just wanted a hamburger then it turned into a big mac
Kris's blood is like a milk-shake
I don't want to talk about your French thing
What is really interesting in the email that you got
"I'm so famous"
I really gotta hire a nanny
The assistance position may be paid soon, Vickie. You can apply.
State run television
They want to follow Betsy around for a day and broadcast it in France
Betsy wants a first class flight to Paris . . . lol
It would be very funny if we followed you all day
It should be the week before Christmas
We've never done a video podcast, we'll just use their's
A search for Elmo TMX's?
She doesn't know what she is getting into
It's ok if we don't get one
Why don't you try to write an email in France?
Disruptive for an entire day
This is what I do
I sit in the snow and shiver and drink coffee
I know 10,000 French people are laughing at me right now
Chasing the furry red vibrator
The breaking story will go to the French
The NBC Dateline candid camera for pedophiles
The storm is coming, get milk
The Goodwill 'Beast'
The swinging boobs, denim shirt . . . in my line of work you've got to hold it together
No bra and makes a quick left for an out of the back item
She could breastfeed a snake standing up
The slightly played with or brand new for the holiday
Kris' car gets horrible gas mileage
He needs a sweet hybrid car
It's just not for me
I could go for a Tesla
"You may have a great weekend, but what are you bringing home with you?"
Thanks for all the donations again!!!!!!

Tags: Tasmanian Bird Flu TF3 TV Elmo TMX Hunt Goodwill Beast breastfeed a snake

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 06:54:29 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-25.mp3

Show: #267
Length: 31:28
Size: 21.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 25, 2006

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Who's that voice?
Running out of breath
Get some exercise Mr. B
Betsy is getting into this exercise bit
Like most of America I am motivated by reality television
Maybe I shoould get off the couch
"Workout" the show
Cobwebs on the mic
The only celebrity is Jodi Watley
Billy Ocean tomorrow
Breast reduction surgery no needed
What man stands behind that surgery
Two bar stools on wheels to push them around
Two great acres for one great house
Kris's stress level is through the roof and it makes him smell
What happens when you make more money podcasting than your day job?
If we close the big deal I will talk all about it
Please no Booba
Kris smells like bad bad bad
Deodorant is your friend
"Kris . . . you want a candy bar don't you!"
Fuck you and your candy bar
The old waitress and punishment
Betsy's evil horrible sound that will stay with me when I am rotting in the earth
Garage sale Betsy just can't stay away
Paying the lawn mowing boys
Greatest garage sale ever
The big toys are back . . .
300 by 300th update
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