burning | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Old Nurse, Vasectomized, Misinformed

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:25:48 -0500

Episode: #654
Length: 32:04
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

The older the better
Aged for the recruiter
Burning to the beat
I was once misinformed
The keeps bouncing
Gotta walk it off at that point
The audience changes
Then it gets all adult

Tags: vasectomized old nurses walk it off adult audience

Season 26 Episode 04: The Croncast Shorty

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:21:13 -0500

Episode: #654 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 5:02
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

The older the better
Aged for the recruiter
Burning to the beat
I was once misinformed
The keeps bouncing
Gotta walk it off at that point
The audience changes
Then it gets all adult

Tags: vasectomized old nurses walk it off adult audience

electrical fire and explosion 510 east 86th street

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:56:15 -0600

holy crap. felt it and heard it in my office in the basement. smelled burning stuff hours ago.

Tags: basement office heard smelled burning

Season 20 Ep 8: Husband in the Bubble, Carbon Dioxide Vampires, Nock

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:14:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-21.mp3
Show: #483
Length: 38:15
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

One day to Earth Day
Elliot has been telling me about the poor suffering pandas for ten days
He was telling me the acid rain was burning the pandas
Which was causing them not to have babies
He asked me if I knew what trees were
He's so much like his mom
He says, "Trees are carbon dioxide vampires"
I told him that would be a great band name
He didn't get it
Two worlds collided
You bought this badminton set at Goodwill
At a garage sale
Well, it came from out of the house
Husband in a bubble
Whatever you had taught him was wrong
Proper badminton form
Let me show you
What? What you learned at La Moille badminton school?
I can't believe you tried to describe this
What the hell are you talking about?
Your boy cannot do overheard
Oh, baby
I won't even listen to you and your un-athletic skills
It's good he's not you, Kris
He just doesn't get it as I am trying to help him
You're a like a lion in the grass
Look at that birdie fly
He can't hit it back and forth
I wanted to work with him
And you wonder why he doesn't want to play with you
You are a weird nerd jock hybrid
You're a NOCK
He'll have flash backs
Badminton is where business gets done
Watching his badminton future crumbles before my eyes
Don't send the hate mail
I get it
I need to engage with him on another level
He's going through a growth spurt
He's 7 asking if the weather is changing
Sensitive to barometric pressure
Taking the kids to lunch
Ted's Montana Grill
Ted's Buffalo Hut
There is nothing more environmentally friendly than buffalo farming
What are you saying? Twice as much methane
Maggie is all about it
Elliot looks at Ted's Bison Hut
Looks left and says, I just want Subway
"I won't get a bag of chips with my burger"
Wanted to do something a bit special
He says, "Dad, I don't like fancy. I like Goodwill and Subway."
Half the time he is working on bits
What's 10 minus 8?
I think you owe me $2, Mom
I get to the foreclosure/divorce house
Ring the door bell
The laundry basket was longaberger
It was like you designed the house
There was a beautiful chandelier in his bathroom
He wanted $1,800 for it
Then he says, "I paid $23,000 for it."
They make excellent copies of this at Menards
Then, Mr B, there it was
I became the sucker
Do you like the table?
It happens
How much do you want for the table?
Well . . .
I paid $12,000 for it
This is a garage sale
The table turned to fire when he told $2,300
Can you grab me something out of that crystal wine in the box holder
It was so McMansion
It was like he was trying to get on Cribs and it didn't work out
Same outfit as yesterday
Because he is single now

Tags: Longaberger suffering pandas acid rain Ted's Montana Grill McMansion

Season 19 Ep 3: Wheel of Fortune, Mailmen, Mrs. Coach

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 08:56:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-11.mp3
Show: #449
Length: 28:23
Size: 19.5mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Leave us a comment anytime
After reading the comments I am starting to feel sad
Kris, don't feel sad . . . you'll change your mind
Real reasons
We just do it, it's become part of our day
We've become part of that
It's like a radio station
And they are playing Rod Stewart
What? Kris you have lost your mind
Would you rather I say Nazareth "Hair of the Dog"?
What are you talking about?
You should pre-screen your thoughts
Like a celebrity does
Wive's would love these things
Coming back from the long break
Saying things as opposed to telling stories
It was your birthday it made for a weird show
I have to go to the bank
I noticed you didn't buy your own cake
Yes, I needed to step it up and buy one
The bank was a ruse
Turns out the cake was frozen
Much like you
I couldn't really cut it
I told the kids it was an ice cream cake
I forgot to buy candles
Yeah, you made me blow out a lighter
It wasn't just a Bic
This is why being married to you is difficult
You should just say what I think
Kris starts telling Elliot about the lighter
All I can think is shut up, idiot
He doesn't need to know that stuff
I thought about the house burning down
You gotta pull the thing back and click
Mr B. I am so worried about the Wheel of Fortune audition
What am I going to wear?
What am I going to do with my hair?
I think you are projecting a bit
I am going to start combing my eyebrows over my forehead
I hit 33 and my eyebrows are out of control
Big eyebrows are creepy
I didn't say mono-brow
You think the producers are looking for middle America
A mom with pizzaz
I'm not sure I buy that
Maybe you should watch the show
Men wear suits . . . the same on that they wear to funerals and weddings
All the women wear pins
That reminds me of the coach story when you were helping Andy shop
Leave it up to your mom
She'll just buy it off QVC for you
The UPS man, the mail man and the garbage man all have our numbers
QVC delivered twice a day around here
The mail man knows everything that goes on in your life
She's got QVC on the tv and the laptop
The guy from the Queer Eye show is on, she yells
We wake up every Wednesday morning to breaking glass
The garbage man hates us
The QVC bags all end up scattered around the cul de sac
When I was a kid we got the neighbors mail for a week
I knew that he wasn't paying his bills
Water is a luxury
He spent all of his money on Jaguars and software
Baby, you got unfinished projects everywhere
It's typically the man
Feigning the CWI to watch prison shows
It was a very serious sledding injury
I can wear chest pads
Keeping up with the IRS
Just one of those things
Monday you be blinded by my bespangled sweater and snow man pin
I need to seem charming and wholesome
Don't tell them about the podcast
I already did
Well then you need to be yourself
Jeanie said I won't be funny in a pant suit
I disagree you would look very funny in a pant suit

Tags: Nazareth QVC Rod Stuart Wheel of Fortune Mrs. Coach

Season 19 Ep 1: Big man small sled, CWI, Guilt

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-07.mp3
Show: #447
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

We're Back!!
Fake intro
New intro
New show art also
Welcome to what we're calling, 'Season 4'
We gotta keep it fresh
The show turns out to be a huge part of our lives
We interact through the show
You don't talk to me about your life
Now all you want is for me to be your 'manny' and watch the kids
We need the show for sharing with one another
Some really hilarious things happened
Painful for me
I am still in pain
You whiney monkey, hush
I get to call him out on this fakey, fakey shit
Can I tell the story?
Sure, give it your shot
You won't be able to do it
So you went to Elliot's holiday play
You left early
And guilty you should be
I had to leave!
No you didn't, you are unemployed
I'm literally being drug under a semi by you
I can't tell you about my secret he tells us
I never heard grand finale
Kris cuts out early, early
Let me tell this story
You are unemployed, you have no business
You shouldn't even look at your watch, bub
And yes, I felt guilty
So you decided to take him sledding
Let me tell this story
I go sledding with the man at 'Winter Mountain'
It's a snowboard hill near the house
It goes like this . . .
Big man on a small sled
Big man meets mogul and ground with his chest
This hill is getting bigger and bigger and Kris
Why where you sledding Kris?
You are an adult
When I landed on my side it sounded like bubble wrap popping
My chest was burning and I was out of breath
Right and you call me!!! Me!!!
I am trying to rest
You would have been better off with a Hefty back greased with Crisco
So you refuse to go to the emergency room
Days later you are still in pain
It was killing me
I was trying to be tough for my son
Kris, I put myself in danger for you
For absolutely nothing I did it
There was no red snow
You weren't dead or dying
I finally get you Urgent Care
After x-rays
Remember to take deep breaths
You have a 'Chest Wall Injury'
Kris you have a CWI!!!!
WTF, that isn't real!
I learned that I am made of dough
I am out of shape and things that moved weren't supposed to

Two news items:

1) We talked about changing up the show but couldn't come up with a format other than what we've got. So we're going to continue on until we reach our 500th show in about 5 months. If we do any shows after that they are bonus.
2) We're starting a new weekly podcast January 19th delivered every Saturday. It will be a ResaleQueen podcast focused on, well, what else but resale issues.

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Tags: Season 4 Urgent Care Hefty bags sledding CWI

Burning down the house

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 21:32:14 -0600

Betsy found this gem from last summer on the laptop tonight.

Some of you might remember when my mother-in-law set the grill ablaze last summer and my first instinct was to put it out with a sea salt grinder.

Advice: keep that fire extinguisher close or get a really big sea salt grinder.

Tags: salt sea grinder summer big

Making use of my Google Reader shared feed

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 15:37:04 -0500

The 'kris is reading' section of the site is now fully functional. Go and check it out. I'll be here when you get back.

Glad to have you back.

So what the hell was that, right?

I have finished up, for now (some touching up to do), what I think is a pretty cool way to use a shared Google Reader feed. I think I stumbled upon an interesting concept that enhances sharing information online and makes it more personable.

The history of how I got to this point is at the end of this post. I'm going to try to describe what you just saw the best way I can. Here goes nothing:

1. I parse my Google Reader shared feed and cache it in a database. This is done with a script that runs on a cron every two minutes to get new items - post title, description and timestamp
2. I stamp the item with the current time that I most likely read the item
3. This is cool - I run a script to generate keywords (subjects) from the shared item. The script needs to mature a bit but it is pretty effective.
4. I then pull the cached posts up in to the 'kris is reading' section of the site and order them by the time that I read them. Really the only way to organize them coherently since the post timestamps vary based on the author's time zone
5. I display the keywords below each post. Each keyword is a link that will search all of my other shared items for related posts. Each keyword has a link to technorati. Each keyword is an entry into RSS feed for that keyword subject.
6. I have added a 'Search my read items' function so that you can search my shared items for whatever you like. If you want to find items that I have read about about ceratin topic like, Facebook, you can.

What's happening is that I am giving you, the reader of my shared feed the ability to use me as a content filter. And the best part is that you didn't have to ask me to read up on a given topic that you are interested in. I didn't have to add it to a to-do list, I was already doing it. And now I'm able to give you access to it in a few ways:

1. Here's everything that I have read and shared from Google Reader
2. Here's everything that I have read - now search it by subject
3. Here's everything that I have read - now subscribe via RSS to a subject (keyword) and get updates every time I read an item about your subject without ever having to come back to my site

The other really cool part is that the source publishers benefit from my sharing adding the drill down with search, keywords and keyword feeds.

In this scenario I have become a 'social filter', so to speak. Then my readers get to step up to the plate and filter even further. A 'hyper-social filter', so to speak. I am able to share an item from a publisher that my current readers might have never found. Possibly (and possibly in the same sense that someone might find your content in search engine or directory) my readers will visit the publisher's site and subscribe to the source feed.

In a strange way it gives an individual like myself the chance to create a low threshold directory with the ability to be distributed simply by marking items that I like. It takes Google Reader to a new place beyond a feed reader and makes it a platform for syndication. Google Reader becomes a powerful tool to create new channels of distribution for content that usually meets its end on a subscribers computer. Now it has legs.

How can I see other people using this? Tons of ways.

1. The same way that I am using it to create a history of my own reading with the ability to share right down to the topic level.
2. By individuals respected as gate keepers like librarians. Example - whether the source feeds were running on their library content or the internet they could mark items from those feeds and then give the feed based on a topic to a patron, i.e. happy computer savvy student who doesn't need to come back and ask for help again.
3. Could be used to share information behind a firewall from corporate blogs. Great way to fatten up a corporate knowledge base by picking and choosing from your qualified authors.
4. You could create micro-repositories based on topics
5. A million other ways that I haven't thought of yet. Not even quite sure I could come up with a million.

How I got here:

A few months ago, before Rick split to California, the full Naperville nerd posse was together one last time. I was busting out a story about how I was parsing out my Google Reader shared feed and displaying it for site visitors on my 'kris is reading' page. I was way stoked about it. But like many times in the past, it came to light that Rick and beaten me to this with the 'links' section of his blog. He was taking his shared feed, burning it and displaying it on its own page and in his blog navigation. Brilliant!

My consolation, instead of being first (important in nerd circles), was that I had learned how to do this with my own code . . . a valuable prize I am finding out.

So about a month ago I changed up the code to cache my shared feed items. Which was good for two reasons:

1. I could display more than the 25 items in the feed
2. I would have a historical record of what I was reading in my own blog.

And, again, I was not first again. Damn it! This step was inspired by the Tumblr link blog of Josh Bancroft. Seeing the posts cached and the ability to navigate them 20 or so items at a time was brilliant. I could see a ton of stuff that Josh was reading but also see what was motivating him enough to write posts from.

Should I know better than to try be first in doing something? Yes, but my nerd side does get the best of me sometimes.

I doubt that I am first in working over a shared feed this way but it was fun to build and I am sure it will be useful in making something else. Hell, maybe it will inspire someone else to do something cool.

Tags: Google Reader shared feed kris is reading Josh Bancroft link blogs

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:32:16 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-25.mp3
Show: #367
Length: 34:11
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Bringing the intro
I got it this time . . . the original intro with emails
If my eyes were balls of lava your head would be melting
I noticed you've not called your parents
Listen, I got to call them from my cell
Yeah, the swing set needs to be moved on Sunday now
So you might not be able to make it out to your folks
And on Saturday Calvary Church in Naperville is having it's annual sale
I'll be there at 6:30 in the morning
Times are desperate Mr B . . . I gotta tear it up
I might just pretend that I am one of them for a discount
What are you doing here this early?
Are you a member?
Betsy calls the employees "scaries"
My sister witnessed someone trying to haggle . . . "You know Jesus is watching you."
What? Jesus wants your mega church to have 50 more cents?
So what is it you people on the circuit call the workers?
The church is one of those that preaches the prosperity crap and monetary wealth for your faith
I know how these crews work baby
You never know how Betsy is going to react
Yeah, I'm way far on the left and way far on the right
Sometimes I like to just watch people squirm
I'm sorry you have difficulty with me Mr B
I play the opossum role
Where'd you get that quarter?
I just have sucker written all over me
Reminiscing about Betsy's special wheel chair from last year
It got deep and deeper on her
It wasn't Jesus watching it was some super bad Unitarian karma
She started frontin'
What kind of asshole devil buys a wheelchair from Christians and then tries to sell it for profit the next day on eBay?
You?
The buyer ended up needing a part for the chair
But baby, would she have gotten the chair without you!
Do you know how much Karma owes me for marrying you, Mr B?
My key this year is to hang back and find the least scary of the scaries
They can have my soul
The big ball jar waiting at the end to capture your soul
Karma vs. Jesus . . . I'm a Unitarian we walk with Karma
I just want to talk about this
You wake up and tell me that if I ever cheat on you will kill me
"You cheated on me in my dreams"
When I cheat on you in a dream I pay for it for three days!
WTF baby
It wasn't sex with a random hussy
She manipulated you from across the room
So I didn't have to go home for lunch
He is mine!
I laid my claim early!
I looked upon the sea of men and said which one of you is strong with a weak constitution
Someone that doesn't make sense like I don't make sense
The goat story is classic
Yeah I get it but there is a time and place for that story
They have a greater appreciation
What it was like going to doctor and they make small talk and then you tell them you work for the other side
Everything changed
It was a job of respect . . . never had one of those before
Burning cars in Naperville

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Tags: Calvary Church in Naperville Croncast Cronies Jesus is watching you dream cheating vehicle fires

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 09:44:32 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-09.mp3
Show: #347
Length: 33:23
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 9, 2007

Kris is back from New York
Betsy starts drawing pictures of my forhead
Elliot, "Do you remember what happened after you had Maggie and you had beans in your arm?"
Lima beans in hosiery
It's April 9th . . . shouldn't the Unitarians be out burning something?
It's that time of year the fertility time
Unitarians have three open arms
The variety is what scares me
I like knowing that I can travel nearly 1000 miles from home
Look out my window and see McDonalds, Starbucks and a Friday's
Beyond the pavement
Town after town after town
Mr B, you're getting to be a worldly dude
I knew I was going to get yelled at
Everyday, I knew it was growing
No there was nothing going on Sunday
I should have left Saturday night
I had a really awesome time
Some people get to see Times Square . . . Croncast style I get to meet Geraldo
The News Corp Walk of fame
Big shout out to Jodi! Thank you so much for the tour. It was great to meet you!
I saw Bill O'reilly people getting Bill O'Reilly-ish
The nameplates, check these out
After the nameplates I come upon the General Lee of broadcasting
Check out the tattoos
They're not prison quality there old school
Right, your grandfather didn't have tattoos?
Not my side of the family, well mine did
So what did they look like?
Bill O'reilly on Anna Nicole's body?
No I'm sure he's going out to get that one later that day
Hey Nike listener's were calling you on the tour if you're down for August
Yeah these tours are cool, not the bus tour style
It's really cool to get these opportunities
Our listeners are really interesting folks
Have to say this . . . the people at Fox were great
Betsy was impressed by Jodi's purse
Coming to Seattle at the beginning of August
Mommy's depressed and daddy is out having fun
We're going to Atlanta in late August also
Let me tell you about my little General Lee
Betsy fills out the adopt-the-doggie-app
"One old lady should take care of another"
That sounds like a lesbian love ad
It doesn't sound like adopt a schnauzer?
The Red Hat Society, no sex . . . movies and chocolate
The doggies adopt out lady is the alpha dog
You're going to force me into buying one from a puppy mill
I need to see your two year old and the dog interact in a cage match
Elliot was a little gentleman
This woman is screening my children

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Tags: Geraldo The New Yorker Hotel Fox News Bill O'Reilly PodCampNYC Unitarian Holidays

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 28, 2006

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 06:31:08 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-28.mp3

Show: #268
Length: 34:22
Size: 23.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 28, 2006

Oh there is a new sound in town
Betsy is grumping about having to breath
The light glaring off your head is burning my retinas and making me sleepy
The evolution in razors
You would have been a wooly monster
The terminal point of beard growing
I don't know my terminal length
The fifth blade removes the top layer of skin
The worst mother dig of all time from Betsy
Lips doth did part
Today has been a crazy day
I told the man it was a weird day
Kris missed saving a family of 4 that drove into a lake somehow
It is a fake lake to supply a subdivision waterfall
Kris sort of saw it happen
With CopmUSA closing I was preoccupied
I hear the sounds from the accident and agray flash through the neighbors houses
I was looking the wrong way when we drove by, didn't think of the lake
Well, I didn't hear them screaming . . . they were drowning
As they are gasping their lasts breaths pressed against the window
Betsy says I'm cold
Kris did save the family
When homeless get a Costco card to eat samples to sustain
Betys goes off and buys $30 in steaks
Usually it is mad cow in a tube
So Barb adds the seasoning, turns on grill, to clean it turns it on high and then has a martini
Grill is now set to high
20 minutes goes by and she heads out to put steaks
Opens the door and uses panic voice
"You have to tell Kris to come right away . . . well, theres a fire. Thank you," then closes the door
Betsy rouses me from the basement with the work "Fire"
Stay in the basement because it's safe even though there is a fire
The Goodwill grill is now in full flame burning off all the grease from the trap
The charred chunky collector flaming and the top are ball of flames and black smoke
Kris asks for the baking soda
I asked for fire extinguisher right now . . . Betsy threw it out
Betsy says it didn't look good and didn't match
Any fire extinguisher is better than none
Betsy hands me the Morton Salt instead of the Trader Joe's sea salt grinder
Saved by neighbor Jack and his fire extinguisher
As soon as hose melts to tank I am going to die in an explosion
With 911 on call waiting my mother-in-law clicks over to Vicky
He saved our house . . . he saved Croncast
Betsy finally finds our extinguisher in the garage
Finally doused it in water to cool it down to turn off the gas
The grill cleaned up ok but I don't think we'll ever use it again
Then Kris was swarmed by bees
It will go straight to my brain
Betsy gets in more about her steaks
If I had saved other family I still would be filling out reports and my family would have died
Message to you: Go out and buy some fire extinguishers to keep at home.
We talk about the end of our week last . . . podcasting production
The stress level has gone way down thanks to Palegroove the cause of the stress
Wanting podcast contracts to happen
It is a really big project that will be a ton of fun
Writing down your goals can make a huge difference in your life
Many people think podcasts cost $100 to produce . . . not even close with your own equipment
Kris is speaking at the Portable Media Expo and then I'll fill in the podcasting bits
3 Croncast T's are on the table for production
PhilipZ is holding it down with Handle Moxie

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Goodwill grill Costco meat Portable Media Expo fire extinguisher

Vacation: Act #2 Omaha to Denver

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 09:12:25 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-14.mp3

Show: #236
Length: 1:02:26
Size: 42.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 14, 2006

Act #2 is twice the length of our normal shows, but just like our trip we keep pushing through to make the Friday deadline for a full Act #3. That way we won't ever have to talk about this trip again.

So buckle up compadres as we take you on day 2,3 and the close of day 4 as we go from Omaha to Kearney, NE (we love Kearney, Midway Dodge and Thomas Hardage) to Denver.

So where were we?
Oh yeah Omaha
Go back to Monday, Act #1 if you haven't listened yet
We don't have time to reflect up it
Awake after 5 hours of deep sleep . . . yeah right
Epiphany for Kris, he figures out what the problem is with Slowsky
It appears that the gas peddle can't reach the floor or is being stopped
Handling dirty carpet
Slowsky is accelerating awesome
Up I-680 no problem up a hill
Air conditioning still blowing out the defrost vent
We hit fourth gear and Slowsky bogs down
You looked like someone had hit you in the crotch really hard
Did we stop or turn around in Omaha?Nope
I was gonna pull the oxen through and over the Rockies
Common sense would have turned us around
Betsy asks the cashier at a truck stop about our issues cause they should know
Our game plan becomes eat only at McDonald's and get to Denver
Stopping for gas over and over and over
Rolling at 60 pushing Slowsky to the breaking point
Betsy says cars are loaded weapons
I drove slowsky like a retired polo pony
Once AAA was taken care of it was on, drive it like I stole it
My foot is to the floor burning up the car
Slowsky's cry for help . . . check engine light flashes and then dims
Nebraska is the windiest state

Drafting with semi trucks because I can't go over 65
Speed limit is 75 which means 85 for all
People in Nebraska know there is nothing worth driving slow for
I still have no respect for the slow driver
The oil pressure gauge was nearly in the red
The van may explode at anytime
All the fun of a road trip and fantasies about stopping and eating the natives food, gone
No tourist traps for Slowsky
35 miles to the next exit
The arch over I-80 is where the Check Engine Light stays on

Hilly Iowa, not the hilly Nebraska
Calming the kids to soothe the hunching Kris
We get lucky and find Kearney, NE
Even luckier we find Midway Dodge of Kearney

Right next door was Enterprise
We meet Thomas Hardage, the only person not to let us down on this trip
It's 11:30 am and they close and 12:00 pm
He was a Slowsky prophet
he let us know that he 5 hour drive would take us 8 to 9 hours to Denver
There's Enterprise, we should leave car for repair
Kris says, "no" we're going to Denver and Betsy agrees
Help was put in our path and we tell it to fuck off
There was no charge to look at our car
You should not drive off into the great beyond in your broke ass van
"In Denver it will be really expensive", we pass again
Back on the road, 55 mph tops
Kris tries to make it go 56 entire way to Denver
We followed the same truck for about 300 miles

I-76 West down to Denver off of I-80

We are gaining control
We can see mountains
Now we are back to the itinerary, Yes!
Two straight days in a van
I will tell you when you can go to the bathroom
Telling Betsy over and over that we should have flown and what we would have been doing
From now on we fly, first class if we can afford it, 2-3 days at destination, rental car waiting and fly out on day 3
Coming in on the wrong side of Denver
Car collecting seems to be a hobby in Colorado
Hotel has Denver in name but it surely isn't in Denver
Slowsky is now down to 50 mph tops
But we've made it to Denver now
We're still in control . . . sort of
Slowsky was making death nells
Right near our hotel exit there is a Dodge dealer, John Elway Dodge on Arapahoe
The ultimate welcome to Denver . . . an arrest in our hotel parking lot

Navy wife-beater doesn't go with blond chest hair
Doesn't matter how nice a hotel is an arrest in parking lot harshes the mellow
We hit the hotel, 6th floor
18 giggling 12 year old girls right next to our room
Awesome birrthday for her
They were playnig door slamming game, Kris says no
Elliot loses his mind when we return to front desk to get another room
It is time to eat
I was bleeding money our of my eyeballs, really, dollar bills
Should have tossed one of the party girls over the balcony
Big wedding reception at the hotel, but no one was staying there, not one
The restaurant is out of highchairs, all in use for reception
It was time to start crying
We couldn't catch a break
One lone patron was going to hear our woes
What restaurants are near here?
We make it to Outback
Nothing goes wrong so Kris hugs the waitress
Elliot gorges himself, turns grey and runs to bathroom to puke
He has same gene that Betsy and I have where we eat to comfort ourselves
Where's that cereal? Do we have milk?
Needs to feel good in my belly
How sad is our happiness an Outback? We could have done this at home!!!!!!!
Research will take up whole half a work day
Talk begins about putting the family on a plane
Betsy understands her father's actions now from when he did it when she was a kid
It was time to stop the madness
We arrange for a rental car from Enterprise
Only place to do so is at Denver International Airport on Sunday
Shuttle is $20 but you need an appointment, what?
Concierge calls taxi for me and off I go
Denver knows nothing of urban sprawl
There could be free range beef within city limits
I tell cabbie DIA
The airport was 29 miles from our hotel
Ride to Ohare will take $28 bones of my money in a cab
Cabbie asks for $65 dollars for the ride!!! WTF

More notes and photos later. To get the rest of this you'll have to listen to the show for now. It is really hard to keep reliving this.

But I can't leave out the Act #2 cliff hanger . . . John Elway Dodge doesn't call us, we call them to hear, "Mam, the service manager didn't call you? Well, there's a problem with your vehicle. You see, one of our lot attendants . . . "

Coming up on Friday . . . Vacation: Act #3 Denver to Naperville

Update: These photos are from our 3 hours in Colorado Springs at Garden of the Gods and someplace in the downtown area. Family photo credited to guy I thought was homeless but turned out to be one of the dudes who just hang out to watch people go by.

Tags: Kearney Denver John Elway Dodge Arapahoe Slowsky Midway Dodge thetrip

For those on the nerd tip, FeedBurner Report

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 13:11:53 -0500

A friend of the show and myself, Rick Klau, has posted some amazing data in a report released today by FeedBurner titled, "Expanding Universe: Podcasting Market Update". The report covers many aspects of podcasting thanks to Rick's keen eye on the community and his participation in it.

This report is a must read not only because it highlights one of the podcasts that I produce but because it will open your eyes to how many of your fellow humanity are subscribing and producing podcasts.

Way to go Rick! And kudos to FeedBurner for putting a report like this out with REAL, up-to-date statistics that aren't 9 months old at the time of publication!

Tags: Rick Klau FeedBurner Podcast Market Update Alltel Racing Podcast

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 147

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 10:06:47 -0600

Croncast - 2005-11-18_2.mp3

Show: #189
Length: 38:05
Size: 26.8 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 147

Show Notes

Shameless promotion for "We're Coming Over."

Kris is back from San Francisco
Listen to the previous podcast to hear my morning in SF
Diced ham and eggs
It's 6 a.m. in the midwest 4 a.m. on the west coast
3 rings to answer, it takes a while to get two call girls into the bathroom
Cubicle to cubicle
Dinner at Aqua
Looked like the Disaronno commercial
Musical interlude for fixing Betsy's mic
So what was aqua like?
It was like Friday's?
The fast food of the sit down world
Itsy bitsy entrees
Fluke might not be the tasting food I have ever had
It was so good that I tucked my shirt
It was a business trip
No corporate heirarchy will take away Betsy's divaness
It is hard to sleep when spouse leaves town
Kris was at the Hilton and Betsy was at the cul de sac
Elliot gets Goodwill
The same fire burning inside that Betsy has
The bi-polar asian dude
What he wanted for Christmas
Creatures from the stuffed animal bin
That was your childhood, not his
You gotta watch the guy
You'd think he was Hertzakaveenan
Never show your interest in any item if you want it
Betsy's hesitation caused the loss
Kris, it is your fault but I forgive you
The receptionist thought I was hot
My co-workers were giving me a hard time about it
Yup, he thought I was hot
The suit, I looked so good that I looked gay
I was in San Francisco for 5 minutes and had a boyfriend
My hetero posse picked up on it, I didn't
Kris is completely socially retared
We were both our happy places
The once a week show deal has us all screwed up telling stories
The suit story, I will spare the show notes on this
Carson Pierre Scott - worst shopping
Over $50 I will never shop in their store again
So for $50 they will never get a penny of my business again
How much do you think a regular customer spends over their life-time in their stores?
"At Your Service" signage should be changed to "We Hate You. Give us your money!"
He's gonna get thrown out by security
So I bought my suit from Von Maur
My suit is currently owned by Bank of America I should have it paid off in a year
Kris sort of did
It wasn't a threat, it was a promise
Dreaming about the receptionist
Like it is 1974 and I'm a swinger
If a man named Paolo calls give him my cell
So Betsy is going back to Carson's, where's the love
Wholesale $.99 retail $299.99
Wal-Mart looks suspiciously like Goodwill except with multiples
6 pounds of Charmon and 25 push-ups
Rumor starts here:
To aleviate avian flu, cure it childrens Moltrin in high doses taken rectally.
Marshmallows are not the perfect food
We're Coming Over. - Get your's you selfish beast.

Give us a review at Yahoo!

Tags: betsy kris suit food looked

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 87

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 05:32:44 -0500

Croncast - 2005-06-10.mp3

Show: #128
Length: 37:09
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 17.0 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 87

Kris' voice equals ass again. To start off we have a puking baby that the doctor wants to put on medication, not really.

Betsy and I talk about the t-ball experience tonight at the first game and it is just eating her up. Thanks to Russell from www.blackholeradio.com for sending us this link about squab www.squab.com/aboutus.htm. Betsy may be thinking I actually know what I am talking about.

We talk about KEXP.org radio from Washington, Mendel the Monk, "Value Village" sent in by Henry Hedberg, how Betsy would have gotten off the Mayflower solely on the fact that she would see a gay native on the shore who would know where the party is, Betsy says the west is an ash tray thanks to her trip to Phoenix.

Betsy says she host photos, finally, for me to put up of the prizes but she hasn't given them to me yet, I try to get Betsy to ask me about something with animals that I may not know about (cause I am such an animal expert) by giving her time by telling a story about a $30 tip that I received as a table-side chef from burning the side of my head, she comes up with "what days are the tag days at Goodwill?".

We also talk about naming kids thanks to Allegra, we start the outro and then I remind everyone that they can donate some money to support the show here at the website. Betsy says that even $1.99 will go far at Goodwill.

Tags: betsy talk kris croncast days

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 39

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 10:37:02 -0600

Croncast - 2005-02-17.mp3

Show: #76
Length: 37:42
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 17.2 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 39

Today's show . . . sunshine through a cloud . . . Betsy is special guest again. She's says I smell like hot pork. Other than that we deal with Betsy losing her voice, wanting to deliver the baby early.

Kris, me, wants to apologize for the episiotomy bit yesterday. You should be able to eat your meals today.

Betsy rolls on by readign a post card from her dad sent from Argentina on his vacation to pet a penguin. Kris rolls on with palegroove stuff . . . look for a new site by Monday. Then, finally Betsy tells how hard it is to buy a VCR these days and why people shoudl make sure the stuff they drop off at Goodwill needs to be in working order.

And on a total downer, Kris answers the burning question of why his mother was in jail, Betsy does some social work for me and I give a final PSA.

Tags: betsy kris croncast rolls bit