christian | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 19 Ep 19: The Mr. B's, Conspiracy, School Stories

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:38:19 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-25.mp3
Show: #465
Length: 33:15
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

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I'm busy, I got things to do Mr B
No replacements.com did not sponsor the last Resale Queen
Avenue for Revenue
You should use that your service
The road to cash is paved with stoneware
The cartoon, thank you
It's not funny
I don't need to take look or a photo
It's like you are Mooney
The 1980's kerfuffle
How often do you ask yourself, "who owns the building I am in?"
Are you going to play cops and robbers in the afterlife?
They have diversified in weaponry
Designed and patented his own handguns
I don't know any of them
You are crazy
Are you a Moonie Kris?
I am way undercover
Betsy volunteers weekly for Elliot's art class
It isn't volunteer anymore I am requested
Even as an adult I am afraid of the principal
Now they will punish my child
You have issues
What?
He touched another girl inappropriately
What happened?
The only job of a principle is to make sure school district doesn't get sued
That could be true
The whole "gun" hands on the playground
That's true
What happens at the private school?
I went to a Christian school for first grade
No way!
Let me remind you I skipped a grade
How could I forget
He kept guns in his office

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: iPod kerfuffle racoons christian school sheep barn

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 08:10:38 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-08.mp3
Show: #419
Length: 36:44
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

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Thanks to Dan for the generous support late last week . . .
This show is for you
I have found my next career
Home Bottling factory for breast milk
That is creepy
I should totally do this is
You can pump and dump
My house is near hear
Your 15 minute break is no problem
My sister won't stop calling
She called me in church today
They have a conversion van club
I don't have a conversion van anymore Vicky
Do you have a hand pump anymore?
You got 30 minutes at work you can do a double pump and dump
If you have to pump in a prison bathroom would you even touch the electrical outlet
Their mirrors aren't even made of glass
Shiny metal like a McMansion refrigerator
When I take out the pump is make this noise
And I start leaking right away
The reason for the pee pee
I got moobs I don't feel her pain
The noise queues her and immediate let down
Walk into a shopping mall with a boom box playing that sound
Watch the mommies
Helps me milk the goat
Flafoo now exists
Tell your story Mr. B
Flafoo.com
Say it three times fast
Flafoo flafoo flafoo
The whole idea is to make finding shit on eBay easy and quick
Making looking up stuff on eBay fun again
Kris's idea of funny with links
Following that path of keywords
I could say turkey fryer - http://flafoo.com/turkey fryer
And it works on your iPhone quickly
If you are buying anything from eBay start your shopping at flafoo.com
I need a job to support my garage saling habit
Goodwill is eBay 1942
Waiting for stuff to come through the doors
The Christians go buy pancakes and then come to Goodwill for skirts
I was about to pounce on a comforter set
I heard her reading the title letter for letter
I knew what she was doing
She was having someone look up her shit on eBay
So I start to chat it up with her
Screw the voice mails . . . send her a text
My Blackberry doesn't send text messages
Right
I didn't nerd out on her
She's the woman who got he Blackberry and said, "O it's for recipes"
Did you take her under your wing?
I tried Mr B
My niche is the toys . . . you can't take that part of Goodwill
The breast feeding plates
Have we ever talked about plates
Friendship was kind of born
Well, that is good
All the regulars are kind of gone
How is that creepy?
Have you noticed that they are not here?
Who?
I should have known then
Putting my car in the garage
Yes I had to move your junk
No more big stuff Mr. B I promise
Well, you threw a passive aggressive smack down
Garage is for cars, Betsy
It's for toys, rakes and storage
I think it is a puffy cuff thing
How is that a puffy cuff thing?
My car has 75 miles in the last three months
You drove them Betsy
Wheelchair stroller
My mom's prize Wheaties box with Michael Jordan on it
You got to keep this one straight baby
Getting stuff together for one of you mom's students
I feel like I been hit in the forehead with Night Train
Dewey, Wednesday's show is for you

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Tags: flafoo Wheaties box Blackberry Dan Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris May 30, 2007

Wed, 30 May 2007 07:15:59 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-30.mp3
Show: #369
Length: 31:29
Size: 21.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 30, 2007

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Send an email like Betsy's uncle Denny from Poland
He had to get it to you to get it to your dad
The older he gets the less he wants to talk to people
I'm all for it . . . I'm 32 and I could quit talking to you any day now
I left a huge patch of grass when I mowed
It looked like a gorilla had escaped and pooped in the yard
I am at such a lower level of chaos than Betsy
Though you never talk about it you are the queen of chaos
Little dead dog doing little deaf dog stuff
Betsy needs her own posse at all times
I need a goat herd Mr. B
Monday's show was abbreviated
Kris had a mantrum
That wasn't it
Betsy's evil gene is kicking in
Recording this show during the middle of the day is weird
It's the opposite of sex
Kris . . . just stop
Nobody wants to hear about that
Betsy is going to babysit her sisters kids
Betsy lays it down about the scaries at the Christian garage sale
They opened early . . . like days early and didn't tell Betsy
Creatures of habit
Tell them about Sunday Mr B

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Tags: mantrum Dennis Shilts church garage sales creature of habit little deaf dog

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:32:16 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-25.mp3
Show: #367
Length: 34:11
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

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Bringing the intro
I got it this time . . . the original intro with emails
If my eyes were balls of lava your head would be melting
I noticed you've not called your parents
Listen, I got to call them from my cell
Yeah, the swing set needs to be moved on Sunday now
So you might not be able to make it out to your folks
And on Saturday Calvary Church in Naperville is having it's annual sale
I'll be there at 6:30 in the morning
Times are desperate Mr B . . . I gotta tear it up
I might just pretend that I am one of them for a discount
What are you doing here this early?
Are you a member?
Betsy calls the employees "scaries"
My sister witnessed someone trying to haggle . . . "You know Jesus is watching you."
What? Jesus wants your mega church to have 50 more cents?
So what is it you people on the circuit call the workers?
The church is one of those that preaches the prosperity crap and monetary wealth for your faith
I know how these crews work baby
You never know how Betsy is going to react
Yeah, I'm way far on the left and way far on the right
Sometimes I like to just watch people squirm
I'm sorry you have difficulty with me Mr B
I play the opossum role
Where'd you get that quarter?
I just have sucker written all over me
Reminiscing about Betsy's special wheel chair from last year
It got deep and deeper on her
It wasn't Jesus watching it was some super bad Unitarian karma
She started frontin'
What kind of asshole devil buys a wheelchair from Christians and then tries to sell it for profit the next day on eBay?
You?
The buyer ended up needing a part for the chair
But baby, would she have gotten the chair without you!
Do you know how much Karma owes me for marrying you, Mr B?
My key this year is to hang back and find the least scary of the scaries
They can have my soul
The big ball jar waiting at the end to capture your soul
Karma vs. Jesus . . . I'm a Unitarian we walk with Karma
I just want to talk about this
You wake up and tell me that if I ever cheat on you will kill me
"You cheated on me in my dreams"
When I cheat on you in a dream I pay for it for three days!
WTF baby
It wasn't sex with a random hussy
She manipulated you from across the room
So I didn't have to go home for lunch
He is mine!
I laid my claim early!
I looked upon the sea of men and said which one of you is strong with a weak constitution
Someone that doesn't make sense like I don't make sense
The goat story is classic
Yeah I get it but there is a time and place for that story
They have a greater appreciation
What it was like going to doctor and they make small talk and then you tell them you work for the other side
Everything changed
It was a job of respect . . . never had one of those before
Burning cars in Naperville

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Tags: Calvary Church in Naperville Croncast Cronies Jesus is watching you dream cheating vehicle fires

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 07:23:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-20.mp3
Show: #352
Length: 32:27
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 20, 2007

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Leave comments on any post
Kris will respond, Betsy won't
"I respond, I email them back"
My night story 10 times better
Kris spent 2 1/2 hours creating a mobile browser database
Much better than Betsy's story . . . not really
Betsy went to a comedy club
Could we have 50 in the basement to do a live show?
Not unless they were quite intimate with one another
Can't mess with the Bunco people
It was a different kind of experience
Thursday night was Ladies Night at the comedy club
The audience . . . Naperville Mommies
The joke about the rabbit . . . Sex and the City reference
Robin gets rolling with Betsy
They begin to party on their own while the show is going on
My husband Rick always wants to heckle the person on stage
"Betsy, does a radio show with her husband, a podcast in their basement. And it's really funny."
It's on now . . . you interrupted my show . . . get up here
Betsy holds back on stage
Before she leaves the club she asks about renting it out
We could have a celebrity guest on the show . . . Gary Shilts
The TV crews were rolling when they taped us
Betsy has never really done a full-blown Betsy ramble on the show
She's come close
There is something in the full Betsy ramble that is indescribable
I don't want mom and her deaf dog there
Why do you need me?
You have to edit it Kris
Blog posts to ensue from Betsy
"Reasons to own a Deaf Dog: The greatest experience of my life."
She really thinks her name is Stomp Stomp
She has to feel the vibrations
I know what your book about it . . . replace "dog" with "husband"
I am going to pierce your ears again Mr. B
The church ladies call Gigi grumpy
Kris is going to back and set them straight
Maggie's speech evaluation
As a parent where did you go wrong?
Talking like this in 4th grade will get her check minus
Christina Aguilara for Christians The Spew, Naperville The Comedy Shrine Naperville comedy club

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Tags: Croncast Cronies Naperville Mommies Bunco Robin Klau The Spew deaf dog

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 07:50:15 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-27.mp3

Show: #306
Length: 36:06
Size: 24.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 27, 2006

Here with the two things that must happen: draining water and my American baby
Equating 'Christian' to all Christians including the scientists and the evangelicals
Betsy was interviewed by the Christian Science Monitor
Coming off the pseudo holiday vacation
The big plate
My Fiestaware is full
Betsy sort of regrets doing the CSM interview
"I wasn't quoted that accurately"
Yes you were
The demand and filling it . . . pimps could use the same line of reasoning
Betsy is not the evil resale queen of eBay
This is what they said about you
"Smith probably won't be one of the big spenders"
That will be on tombstone
It was true . . . but it made me sound like . . .
The toy experts think that is is stupid
Betsy says the same thing except she'll still sell you one
Kris thinks it was a window into Betsy
I'll suggest an article about workaholic daddies
"My life is tough"
In the trenches with 6 year old
Hanging with family on the holiday
Are they bating me or is this a real topic?
Your parents knew . . . just chose to ignore it
The destination Grizzly Jack's
Betsy wants the pool to open at 6 am without lifeguards
"Chubb rub down the water slide" all night
The ultimate buy your kid a popsicles and a beer for yourself
Wisconsin right here in Illinois
The greatest Italian beef sandwich of all time
Waiting in a restaurant with 3 babies and a toddler
"It's good cause it's spicy"
Baby, that was hot Oscar Meyer beef processed in a factory
You may die tomorrow but just eat it
Was I as a kid it tasted different
Kris was 19 before he ever had Chinese
It's the same stuff you eat everyday, just chopped up smaller
Betsy has to bring up my mom, thanks
The Little Tikes Activity Garden that was sold out from underneath Gigi
Yes, yes . . . please leave now
There's two things at work here
Betsy's humor out of context with her body language and affect missing she comes off harsh
Kris isn't sure that he knows that person
Betsy says that Kris is shoving Betsy into fame two hands on her fanny
"Why don't you just let me dumpster dive and raise your children. That's all I want to do."
Weekend discoveries
We saw The Black Keys Saturday night
It's not the same song
A man singing about himself and his peanut butter sandwich
Kris goes deep
Betsy nominates Kris to be neighborhood Santa
Kris takes it personally
Betsy, "I thought you had the body type for it."

Tags: Fiestaware Christian Science Monitor Grizzly Jack's Grand Bear Resort Peru Pizza House The Black Keys

Betsy's CSM interview ran today

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 14:32:35 -0600

Now that Betsy is big time with her Christian Science Monitor interview about Elmo TMX's on ResaleQueen.com out I will prepare for her eventual Rosanne launch to fame. Heh! I kid baby, I kid.

The title of the piece is, "10 years later, a new ticklish Elmo tops the 'hot toy' list" written by Cristian Lupsa. Thanks to Christian for writing what is pretty much a quintessential Betsy piece.

Betsy and I have been joking for the last hour about how when her jokes are out of context or by not having a personal relationship with her how her humor comes off. We'll let you know what kind of feedback, if any we receive from anyone new.

Way to go Booba!

Tags: Christian Science Monitor Elmo TMX Cristian Lupsa Resale Queen Betsy Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 06:56:26 -0500

Croncast - 2006-07-26.mp3

Show: #254
Length: 30:09
Size: 20.7 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 26, 2006

A little behind the scenes from a convo we had before show
It's called a tailgate
It was a like a John Mellencamp video
Now that is something that you don't want your daughter doing
Reaching the maggot temperate zone
Taping "Maggots Gone Wild"
T-shirts for flies
The Happy birthday show for Abbi Zeliff
Kris blew it for the show shout out so it ended up as a whole show
We've given up on the plan for the show
Betsy is going to use the studiofoam
"I spent a whole lot of money and it is your fault," Betsy
Kris is going to change her passwords
Byron K.'s email, "How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?"
The UU answer is hilarious
Betsy wants to read it at church
Kris's religion is working dusk to dawn and then some
"When you die can I have your money card," Elliot to Betsy
Betsy's new nemesis tries to run her over at Goodwill
Vickie having her baby
Betsy describes whole process . . . put your lunch down

Tags: Route 59 John Mellencamp maggots Unitarians Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris May 26, 2006

Fri, 26 May 2006 06:08:47 -0500

Croncast - 2006-05-26.mp3

Show: #231
Length: 34:35
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 26, 2006

Extended intro
If you can turn a door knob you can send an email to us thanks to contact link
He's getting old and may not have many more birthdays
Life expectancy
Our weekend will contain progress
Betsy's huge weekend will start the way any one should . . . "Greatest Garage Sale Ever"
Calvalry Christian Church garage sale
Every year it rains
It's a mega church
They have a no pricing policy - Betsy's strategy . . . find someone who is very elderly
Bitter, barren 40 year old woman is not a winner
When raising money for god they will charge accordingly
The trip get Slowksy
It will have a bald eagle on the side
Lego train has not arrived in Italy
Communication through online translation sites - bad
The snow man, the one from the picture on May 19 sold for $149.99
Now they are multiplying in my basement
Betsy's Teletubby collections of yore
Maggie loves playing with the voice boxes
Lunch with Henry
What is a "creeper"?
So we're going to Colorado and Betsy is finding paces to go
She reads a review of her favorite . . . $1300 a night
Kris is afraid of the bears
End of show shout out to Jason Landis and the crew in Beaverton

Kris will be speaking at the Portable Media Expo in September!
My session is: Leveraging Your Knowledge as a Successful Podcasting Consultant If you want to a meet and greet there let us know - it's in Ontario, CA east of LA

Tags: garage sale Slowsky Italy Colorado Jason Landis stuffed snowmen

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 161

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 07:29:46 -0600

Croncast - 2006-03-20.mp3

Show: #205
Length: 35:51
Size: 24.6mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 161

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Show Notes

Coming from studio "A" at casa de smith

From my phone:

Betsy is UU - Universalist Unitarian
Her faith was waning
Affirmation was to follow
Betsy's $6.00 donut
Veggie Tales for non-hardcore Christian
"Your had was possesed by the devil."
The kids have it right
What about a more kid oriented church
McDonalds targeting kids
Branding, playgrounds, get'em while they're young
The born-agains have the same plan
What would you say to someone who tried to give you McDonalds food for a dinner party?
Megachurches do so well, not because they don't smell like meat and dirty childrens socks
"Why you gotta be hating on peoples invisible airplanes?"
Putting pizzaz in your Jesus pants
Betsy's split personallity
Libertarian on her left shoulder, George Bush on her right and her right in the middle
What happens when you tell people you do a podcast
If you don't know what that means you aren't down with God
Maggie is evolving into a part of Betsy
How would you know
The Maggie faces - she can throw them
The cattle elevator
Kill you with a look and it makkes people nervous
It looks like the Devil came into her skeleton

Enough of the Christian metaphors, if you've ever listened before you know we are not in that camp and if you haven't listened before our philosphy is to make up your own mind.

Tags: christian mcdonalds megachurch faith

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris - Ep.5

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 11:44:35 -0600

Croncast-2004-11-30-2.mp3

Length: 20:36
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 9.43 mb

Special edition Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris, to stop the shakes from not recording a podcast for 3 days. Three whole days . . . Jesus Christ . . . what was I thinking?

My secret is to record as long as a guest can stand it and then split the time up into separate shows. Guess it's not so secret now.

Today's Show

Intro
Secret is out
Miss Elizabeth Smith, Mrs. I mean
Where's the ring?
No talking about the mics
Kris needs a 'funky bunch'
Shane is MIP (missing in podcasting) we miss him
Turkeys in Hawaii
What do turkeys eat
Supersize Me - Why? I live it.
The prgnancy fat for three
Send us baby names - betsy@croncast.com
Pearl is good but for grannies - Betsy
Kris sends out message
We should change last name
Only marry people within 5 letters of the begining of your own.
Schmutz' and Skaggs'
The teeth, again
People with straight teeth don't listen to this show
Dental insurance
Kris is a poster boy for wearing your retainer
Shout out to Podcat
Kris' teeth lower Betsy's I.Q.
Send us baby names - betsy@croncast.com
Show dedicated to you
Baby stuff over taking studio
Fuck this - psuedo church
"I see a dollar"
Bare minumum $600 eBay queen
Christmas is a christian holiday?
Can't buy a lottery ticket with PayPal debit card
Kris's eBay negatives
Millers
T's for $.50
Wrap it up

Tags: kris betsy croncast baby teeth