city | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

i'm sooo chicago

Mon, 26 May 2008 16:21:51 -0500

the only thing missing is a chicago style dog and this dude could be the mascot for the city.

you gots a tuba, you gots a party. memba that.

Tags: gots chicago tuba memba city

she's heading out

Fri, 02 May 2008 18:51:13 -0500

betsy is making her way into the city tonight to party like it is 1993 with her friends.

we'll have to see on monday's show how her new comedy chops work on them.

Tags: monday comedy chops work friends

Mad Crazy Static

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 11:50:28 -0500

Took the kids to breakfast and then the riverwalk this morning.

Maggie wanted to see the ducks and Elliot wanted the park. Got them to agree that both were good.

I do have to say that it is quite a disappointment that the busiest portion of the riverwalk with be under construction for the entire summer.

I'm not really sure what the city parks people were thinking with this. It is going to hurt the businesses that are in that area as well as the amount of people that come to festivals that are held in that exact spot.

And since I have my gripe on, it also appears that for the remainder of the riverwalk they have removed about a third of the trees and nearly all of the other foliage that lines the banks of the river. Elliot pointed out that this year it looks "gross" and "dirty". Just blows my mind that a city would muck up their prime summer attraction.

Tags: naperville riverwalk summer rennovations 2008

Rant: Strategic blog commenting? Strategic tweeting?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:23:42 -0500

Listen up Mr. and Mrs. internet marketer, your actions are sour, insincere and totally transparent as to your desire to dupe someone into clicking your link in an attempt to make a buck. You are full of shit and we know it. And, your students suck even worse at it.

Here is one example of "strategic blog commenting" by an idiot following the advice to get Google alerts for keywords related to his/her own site:

"Thank you for providing such useful info about dogs. The picture at this page is beautiful and love to eat one, look delicious." - Internet Marketing Douche Bag (real name hidden to protect the innocent)

The user email was admin@ourdataentry.com and the user URL linked back to a site about dog care. I'd say contextually there is something amiss here since the photo, other comments and title all indicated that the post was about hot dogs.

In this group I am not talking solely about the automated comment spammers that originally made our lives miserable but this new wave of get rich quick, "My internet marketing coach told me to do this" and internet marketing coaches, themselves.

As you and your people strive for authenticity, I believe that is one or your credos, maybe that term is no longer used, but you are about as authentic as a Gucci purse at a swap meet.

The entire reason for this post is because the comment above showed up next to a message from twitter that I was now being followed by 'helpmycashgrow'. Are you kidding me? You people make my head hurt. He also dropped this gem - "At work right now, at least i'm "supposed" to be working". Sir, you give me the confidence to let you help me grow my cash.

So now that people are strategic tweeting as a piece of their better mouse trap I would also like to call out the ass kissers on twitter, those trying to make an impression with someone that they don't know by disparaging another twitter user who comments directly with the person you are trying to kiss up to. Just don't do it. Might turn out that the disparaged and the ass kissee are good friends and the ass kissees other friends read that you are disparaging their friend.

Again we can see you for what you are but when you stoop to a troll level it is even more apparent that you have nothing to add except a desire to, as you perceive it, move up the food chain.

My hope is that you will all go back to infomercials and ripping off the elderly with home improvement scams. But I am guessing your type is here to stay and I just need to get better at filtering you out.

Tags: Internet Marketing Coaches Suck Teach Yourself and Save Your Money

Season 19 Ep 26: Kick Ass Mustache, Spilled Coffee, Toe Rings

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:54:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-28.mp3
Show: #473
Length: 11:17
Size: 7.84 mb
Format: mp3

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Shout to Mike Dunn
You are digging yourself a hole Kris
Walking in NYC is not like walking anywhere else on the planet
Like a mommy in the morning?
Putting on deodorant walking down the block
Not one person looked at me sideways
Don't ask him for money
I love New York
I want to live someplace with a goat
They won't let me have a goat in New York
Well, when it poops they would see it
People just might want to eat your goat
It would poop and you would chasing chocolate marbles on the sidewalk
She had toe rings
That was it getting on the plane
The kids keep going ape
I knock her Starbucks down and spill it
I am in row one, so I can get out quick
I really wanted to help this woman
Especially, when the chubby hamster next to you spills your coffee
She says, "Let me clean it up"
She put on her toe rings thinking today would be different
Did you get a toe ring to the face?
Turns out to be Billy Bob Thornton?
No
He was four Billy Bobs
Did you put on deodorant before you got on the plane?
When the person next to you seeks comfort
She starts weeping
I felt like such an asshole
It was not just the coffee it was the culmination of lots of things
We really need to go
And that is it. This is such a short show.
The kids are wired
Spilled Coffee
Kris is sick
Regular shows and show notes Monday.

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: New York City toe rings Mike Dunn mustache spilled coffee

everthing has been prepared for my arrival

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:06:17 -0500

the good people of this city have welcomed me with glorious horn trumpeting, wide grey carpet like cement and kind words like, "I hate him." and "Dave says he's an idiot."

If 'Dave' we're my arch nemesis I could call this new kingdom home.

I await the fare that they have prepared me for lunch.

Tags: dave prepared idiot arch hate

Season 19 Ep 23: Omniscient Nerd, Void Your Warranty, Ferocity

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:42:29 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-21.mp3
Show: #470
Length: 15:41
Size: 10.8mb
Format: mp3

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We keeps it short today
Maggie is sick with croup and flu with fever
It's one half of a show
So I was at Goodwill
What story you tell doesn't start this way?
My pockets were loaded
I don't trust my purse
You shouldn't
We haven't told the story of your purse being stolen yet?
Nope
Another day
Not to be disgusting
Sure
I had to go to the bathroom and leave my cart outside the door
I pulled up my pants with ferocity
As soon as I left my pockets felt lighter
Oh, Baby
I go back in and my cell phone is in the toilet
Multi-use public toilet
I had to decide which hand to stick into the toilet
Baby, I gotta tell ya
You should have just left it
Goodwill urine water would do it
You could have sold it with your personal information
What are they going to steal? Your skype number?
This person could use more friends
Lists of potential friends
I love the idea
How much is a list of friends from a cell phone found in a toilet at Goodwill?
You're right
Kris, I need you to get me a new phone
I want a penny phone
Cheap flip phone?
Cell phones say a lot about people
It's like getting out of prison and wearing the same clothes from 20 years ago
I want a phone that I can dial and drive
If you hit the shift key you can dial numbers
It isn't a smart phone
They call that insurance fraud
I gotta hit the red dot
Sure, if you crack the head open you will void the warranty
It's funny you say that
Two months ago I had brain surgery
I felt like I was an inch tall
Omniscient nerd

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: smart phone Verizon voided warranty Omniscient nerd

Season 19 Ep 14: International Player, Un-Unitarian, Faded Duds

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:43:31 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-08.mp3
Show: #460
Length: 31:41
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are for 2008 02 08
If you were an international player such as myself
What do you do internationally?
Podast internationally three times a week
You are an exporter baby
The air mattress can hold more money
Less filler
Thesises theses who knows . . .someone does
Mixed intro with Betsy
Comments about Kris's CB handle
I didn't have one
I was never in to it
You mean you were never allowed
Your CB would have been made of a Fisher-Price record player
It wasn't bad to the bone
When the bullet hits the bone
Different that what you think
It's a Friday . . . we gotta keep things loose
You are doing a live improv show
How do you do a "non-live" improv show?
I see, but you have to be spontaneous
You're gonna be prissy
The guy who likes to flip over chairs
You are manic
So are your people
Yeah, but you are predictable too
What do you do?
Kid who talks so much
I am bothered already
It's just stupid
No enough
I do hate improv
Ninety five percent of it is bad
Five percent is good
I don't like sitting through it to catch the good stuff
If it were tv I would change the channel
What is your next step?
I can't do it I'm 32
The younger people can do it
We'd be opening strip shows
He takes off his coat and he has my shirt on
I flipped out
But why?
How un-unitarian is it of you
To challenge your child on the gender specificity of his clothes
You should have worried more that it was your shirt
The first person that owned that messed up
The lady who bought it at Goodwill was out of their minds
Everybody gives me a hard time about my clothes
No one else gets it baby
Your 1998 pants need to be destroyed
Your stove pipe pants hearken back to grunge days
They have been sitting at Goodwill for 10 years
You rescued them from the slow ship to Africa
Those pants sang to you
I wash, dry and they fit like a glove
You are irrationally afraid of sharks and feet
Tromping around in the snow
That is the bummer part
You put on yesterday's pants
If they have yesterday's salt ring on them
That is a total bummer
I hate the midwest
I just don't care, Kris
If you won't let your kid wear it
You shouldn't wear it either
I don't consider what Elliot would look like in it
We've come a long way since we moved into the suburbs
I have been assimilated and so have you
I am not talking politics with you
People will realize that Obama has Jesus shooting out of his eyes
Let me give you a hint, baby, you are the only one who sees Jesus Check out the For Whatever Reason Podcast Produced by friend of the show Tim Alexander

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: record player Tim Alexander CB Handle 1998 pants For Whatever Reason

Frank Keppler keeps it fresh

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:41:48 -0600

Odds are high that you have seen Frank's work if you have gone into an Urban Outfitters, Nordstrom, Target or watched a movie or television show where a character was wearing a beer t-shirt, especially a Miller brand.

Frank Keppler is a graphic designer and co-owner of Brew City Brand Apparel, the company that produced the shirt you saw. Or better yet, that I see once a month or so in a store or on TV because I know what I'm looking for. Frank's designs are commercial but his style is unique and pretty easy to spot. He finds a way to even make vintage look fresh and contemporary.

I haven't spoken with Frank in years but I love his work.

In the mid and late 90's I worked for the Keppler's in Milwaukee managing their retail stores and seasonal set-ups like Summer Fest., a few years before they were selling large wholesale volume to anyone except Miller beer distributors. As there business has grown I often look at Frank's work as an inspiration. Why? I'll damned if it isn't one of the hardest design jobs ever to have beer and Milwaukee as your only motivation for twenty years.

Tags: Miller High Life Frank Keppler Brew City Apparel Milwaukee George Keppler

For Sale: Yellow Tools Candy VSTi and Spectrasonics TRILOGY

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:16:39 -0600

I was hunting for a mysterious odor in the manpit today when Betsy sent me into the storage area and I found two great pieces of software that I forgot to reinstall after my computer crashed six months ago. Of course, I didn't locate the odor but that's good it didn't come from storage. I blame the dog.

Since I didn't really miss either program I thought that somebody else might have better use for them making music for the masses.

The first is Yellow Tools Candy is an unbelievably awesome saxophone virtual instrument. It is the only one that I have ever used that sounded like the real thing. The bonus with this software are the baritone saxes, not other sax synth has them.

Now that I am writing this I am starting to regret letting them go. Oh well, maybe I can make enough money to get a real goatee trim!

US $319.99
End Date: Thursday Dec-13-2007 16:41:43 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $329.99
Bid now | Buy it now | Add to watch list

The second is Spectrasonics TRILOGY Total Bass Module Software. The name says pretty much everything but should have 'upright' in the title. This is the best sounding upright virtual instrument out; real samples, velocity, playing styles and a wide array of instruments.

US $234.99
End Date: Thursday Dec-13-2007 16:51:57 PST
Buy It Now for only: US $239.99
Bid now | Buy it now | Add to watch list

Tags: VSTi Yellow Tools Candy Authorization Key Spectrasonics TRILOGY Total Bass Module Software

Does it have an eBay price?

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 16:32:31 -0600

Checking for 'authenticity'.

Tags: authenticity checking price ebay gw2

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:56:51 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-07.mp3
Show: #430
Length: 31:18
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

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Kris nerds out about comment spam
Not all the comments are on
I gotta shut those people down with their Ultra Canadian Pharmacy
What is wrong with you?
No one wants to hear that
It's just creative advertising, Kris
This is getting super interesting
You've dropped a lot of your nerdisms
You aren't weird around girls anymore
Just because people are turned in your general direction
Well, it doesn't mean that they are listening
Betsy breaks down her improv auditions
Betsy is freaking out
I told you how this would go
Did you bring your headshot and resume?
Right, my resume that says CEO of internet startup TheSmithMall on eBay
See, you didn't think that this was real work
No shit, it is competitive
It was valuable
I crossed it off with a china marking pen
It was pretty much like the Wheel of Fortune Chicago auditions
My sister told me not to wear my generic broken Crocs
I looked down and that's what I was wearing with no socks
That is prepared Betsy style
At that moment I didn't feel that together
A guy show up in a Simpsons t-shirt and a trench coat
I see that guy and hit the floor
Nobody move, nobody get hurt
Another chick came in frazzled with watered down eyeliner
A totally Deep Fried Blonde (DFB)
That's their problem not mine
What age range can you play?
I just put 32
You're supposed to put what ages
Every time I fill out an app - White Hen, Hardees, Ben Franklin
I could have used you as a wing man
I have talked about Mike from Second City
You just prefaced it with that
Teaching there, holy shit
The fourteen stages of improv
It's all part of the shtick
Then they go through what we are going to do
I just want to go home and watch Desperate Housewives on dvr
What was your first car?
Chevy
What kind?
Silver
And they all started laughing
I wasn't trying to be funny
Now I gotta do these setups with strangers
It went well
You are in improv boot camp at The Comedy Shrine
Naperville is holding it down
I know Mr B . . . people across the country they have working toasters
The person in the chair is the mall information booth
I am always thinking of disposable goods
Where do they sell RID at the mall?
Betsy gets cut off
The person in front of me is the Deep Fried Blonde
Her teacher didn't come from Second City
She starts a god damn conversation with me
She wants to shine
All she was supposed to say was aisle three
I started behind the door
They said don't do that
"DFB," one word would be fine
Betsy, do someone foreign
You have to get creative
Foreign to Naperville is what I brought
I was way better on the way home
You are obsessing about this
I helped build you up
You are the most competitive person that I know
Betsy, you just have to stick with it
That is the key for you
I would think after 11 years of marriage you would know when to shut up
I am just wondering why to do this
The audition freaked me out
I knew I would be with professionals
While you are doing your audition I took the man to his doctors appointment
The nurse was treating him like he's managing his health care
Sure, like he set it up
He's lost weight and not grown
We've taught him some better eating habits
Here's a fruit party platter
She's leaving and asks him if their is anything else
He's talking non-stop
This is a lot less
"Elliot is there anything else you want to share," goes the nurse
"There is something else," Elliot
He looks right at me and says, "My mom says things to my dad that makes him really angry"
"She says really mean stuff," Elliot
Buddy, it might be a good idea to refrain
On the show, but he doesn't listen
Picking up probably on the hairy situation here in the house
Sure we all have stress and tension
Your mom and I are best friends
One of those moments
Then the kid asks, "Why am I in a foster home?"
Tomorrow, is the 3 YEAR CRONCAST ANNIVERSARY

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Tags: Second City The Comedy Shrine Deep Fried Blonde Hardees Croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 08:21:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-02.mp3
Show: #428
Length: 30:52
Size: 22.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

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It's Tell a Friend Friday
Tell your people, people
Switched up the intro
Added Podcast.com as a place you might get your podcasts
Check them out
Happy early birthday to Mark
He needs a cold turkey quit smoking partner
You up for it Betsy?
Does he have someone in Atlanta?
My birthday is then seven days after
Right after our three year mark
We'll be doing this until the wheels fall off
I get worried about our archive
Yeah, can't you just burn it to disc
Final paycheck from the day job came in today
Today was the contract execution date
So many things had to fall into place
We talk money and situation for a bit
For those of you who don't like this stuff skip ahead to 14:08
Many people have been in our shoes
You better get a job Mr B
It's already not been nice
We said we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore
However, it's all be got going on right now
It is what takes up our waking hours
That's your problem Mr B
It's stressful
Yeah, we could end up moving . . . highly likely
Very little is going on here in Chicago
Not a leading edge city
The coasts are full of rocking gigs
Looking for jobs that are in wrong category
I found 10 different ones put away like this
Next is to contact the recruiters on these sites
Newly revised resume in PDF format (Yes, I know address is missing in this version)
Check it out
Though it's the same as my Linkedin Profile
I've had lots of people on this resume
Everyone is telling me that this will take longer than
Every time we talk about money it makes people crazy
Don't bother sending the hate mail
What do you want for your birthday?
Don't even say
Health insurance?
I have health insurance for us through January
Could this be worse?
Yes
I have contracts, things I can't share
It's up to listeners to fill in blanks
Dating the show
Part of being smart is that you should hate TV
I love TV Mr B
When you say kerchief it sounds like crew chief when you say it
Your references are all 80's TV
I am breaking into a new garage sale area
Hinsdale, a swanky Chicago suburb
Betsy puts the stereotype lifestyle
Kris finally tells the breast feeding plate story
The mosquito fogger driving down the street and chasing it
Breast feeding was the best time of my life
If you have healthy children
I will buy you your own plates, Betsy
With correct hair, eye and nipple color
You're gonna get me a titty plate?
You just don't bust those out that awesome
Oh, man your mom, Kris
You have no more awesome stories
I watched Three's Company
You watched Titty Plates

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Tags: Franklin Mint Breast feeding plates Kris Smith Resume Podcast.com mosquito fogger

Naperville nerd posse member gets more ink

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 10:08:59 -0500

Fellow Naperville nerd and flafoo.com halfsie, Mike Marusin, will be getting some ink very soon. The online version of an article that he appears, "Is it time to move to the suburbs?," by David Hochman, is up already but it'll be hitting the stores and mailboxes soon on the pages of Details magazine.

Nerds are real men too.

I had no idea House of Pain drove Mike and Liz to the suburbs but I can see how that is likely with the confluence of rap addicted white kids from the suburbs that migrate to the city . . . to be cool.

Maybe this is the new circle of life? I can't wait for the National Geographic video on this.

Tags: Mike Marusin David Hochman Details magazine Naperville flafoo