corner | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

around the corner

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:26:19 -0500

this building is around the corner from the second garage that my folks have.

it looks the same as it has my entire youth when i would ride my bike, mini-bike, walk or run uptown to get a soda.

Tags: bike corner walk mini run

Season 19 Ep 12: Shoe Thief, Mini Bike, Off the Compound

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:14:12 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-04.mp3
Show: #458
Length: 30:15
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

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Super short show notes
What turned Kris into Kris
They had addresses in my town
I could start my mini bike
What was your helmet made out of?
Helmet? Who are you kidding
Gravel, feral cat drag strip explains a lot
You shouldn't tell people that
It's ok cause I got two babies
You should be doing man kegels
The story of how you came to live on the corner by the highway
Bondo is the smell of my childhood
Writing you diabolical plans on the side of a semi truck isn't a good idea

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: mini bike personal space shoe theft semi truck art feral cats

Season 19 Ep 9: Casey's Bags, The Breakups, Groups of two

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:44:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-25.mp3
Show: #455
Length: 26:05
Size: 18.0mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

You know the comments have been light
You haven't been on Kris
People said they loved the mono story
But that shit was a total downer, Kris
You can't keep going parking with those ladies
I lived out every Bruce Springsteen song, ever
Small town birth control: Casey's bag
Some hostess snowballs and a bag
You date leans over and says thanks for the birth control
Who wants to buy condoms from their conservative cousins
She thinks you got long johns and condoms
We actually went out together
Sure I hadn't left in two weeks
It snowed a foot of snow and the road was open
Our driveway looks like a demolition derby
Still has your parked car on it
I had a dream about running for Treasurer in Naperville
We won't be selling the car
Betsy, right now
Small web job saved it for now
The big things are next
Things are turning around for you Mr B
We went to Silicon Prairie
I hate that name
I love it, Kris
It could be changed to Farm Hand Geeks
Or even Country Coders
The had Rock Band and that was fun
Sure, Dave Bost and Larry from Microsoft were there
They are Microsoft Evangelists
Why don't you have an xbox?
I don't spend money on games
Get a rhumba from Goodwill
They're charging more than eBay
It's even first generation
So you get on Rock Band
My first band broke up during the first song
You guys sucked
But then you moved to the lead singer
You nailed it
Do you have "Short, short man by 20 fingers?"
You have such a love for old school Chicago house
The same drum
Can I clue you in to rock
The same song for the last 30 years
It's like ick, Kris
House music is all about feeling good
Did your mom just happen to be on street corner in Davenport, IA?
It's not a boob without nipple
Yeah, it's all cleavage without it
Not really
Good, when I see you come on stage I hate you
Better, to know that you hate yourself too
Now lets have some fun
New curriculum for ever class
That is not the school you want to go to
Betsy, you are too dirty
Yeah, news flash
I have all these shows for you to point out what's wrong with me
My checklist is all filled in
Tomorrow: Resale Queen Podcast by 9 a.m. CST
Topic: What you need in your resale kit
Shout out to Yoosun Lee in NYC

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Rock Band Silicon Prairie Dave Bost Microsoft Evangelist Davenport

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:58:34 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-12.mp3
Show: #421
Length: 30:19
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Tell'em all about it
This is a rocking show . . . starts slow, Betsy is sick, but fires up
Thanks Mexico Mike/Susan, seriously?
Proxy commenters need not hide
User your real information
I know who it is, Bears
Who?
You mom
She got a WebTV
Through a proxy
My perfect job would be the skipper on a boat
The skipper of a sailboat
So, I went and bought a Jamocha shake from Arby's
Now I want to throw up
Speaking of Goodwill . . . Mike and Liz just had a baby today!!!
Congratulations to the Marusin's and Poppy Ann
Wait until you get your Goodwill gift
No way Kris, I will them something nice . . . like a store display
Going to Ben Franklin to get some paint
Unless a blind person comes and runs their fingers over it no one will know
We are really talking about a $160 present
We should get them something new
Yeah, Kris, we will get them some diapers
You need not to nerd out on strollers, explain
Why don't they call it the platform stroller?
You can sit or stand . . .let's call it the platform stroller
Special place for them to hold on
They always want to stand in the cart
What kind of vitamin deficiency makes your skin fall off?
I mean like peel on your hands
One year of hands down the pants
Baby!
That is all about moisture, Kris
Maybe you need to get sick more often
Improv round two started last night for Betsy
Not just the core group, time to move on
Betsy and her ego
I love, love this class
Yeah, it is controlled psychosis
You are nuts
The crazier the people the better
Crazy people find each other
Giving off the crazy vibe
You find out later you have it in common
Kicking it at Bar Louie with my posse
I can't believe you are still going back
Of course I am
You don't want to profit from my sexual harassment?
This is your joint now . . . your cheers
They listen to the show now
My mom paid children to teach me to ride a bike
I don't know if I ever told you this before, Kris
Told me what?
I was born dead
What?
I was blue and not breathing
That explains a lot
What else you hiding from me?
Object work in improv
They reply to me . . . "It's not a radio show"
Well, let them come in and try this
That's right . . . dead air bitch
When is it a good time to bring up being born dead?
I don't know.
Who are you? Where is my wife that was born alive?
The doctor left with a blue baby
Came back with a pink baby
Don't go to Arby's and buy a Jomacha shake

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Tags: Jamocha shake Poppy Ann Marusin Goodwill improv psychosis Bar Louie

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 10, 2007

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 09:40:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-10.mp3
Show: #420
Length: 28:38
Size: 19.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 10, 2007

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Short on the show note tip today
I really messed up last nights recording for today
Thanks to Betsy for sitting down this morning to miss the opening of Goodwill
We get all rural with corn boweavils
Yes, yes, I blew it
Are you wearing a flag pin?
Sure it's all mimetic behavior
Did you learn that big word at La Moille junior high school?
Oh, baby
Categories at Flafoo.com
Betsy working on some new ones
Betsy's grand job at Ben Franklin (check out the sweet homepage)
Her Elvis dressed husband
And my friends are weird
WWRS baby, What would Rush say?
Is a man in eyeliner intimidating?
He just jumped the train from Rochell dressed like a vampire
Now they have a goth baby

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Tags: Ben Franklin mimetic behavior boweavels off the grid Flafoo.com

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 08:10:38 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-08.mp3
Show: #419
Length: 36:44
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 08, 2007

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Thanks to Dan for the generous support late last week . . .
This show is for you
I have found my next career
Home Bottling factory for breast milk
That is creepy
I should totally do this is
You can pump and dump
My house is near hear
Your 15 minute break is no problem
My sister won't stop calling
She called me in church today
They have a conversion van club
I don't have a conversion van anymore Vicky
Do you have a hand pump anymore?
You got 30 minutes at work you can do a double pump and dump
If you have to pump in a prison bathroom would you even touch the electrical outlet
Their mirrors aren't even made of glass
Shiny metal like a McMansion refrigerator
When I take out the pump is make this noise
And I start leaking right away
The reason for the pee pee
I got moobs I don't feel her pain
The noise queues her and immediate let down
Walk into a shopping mall with a boom box playing that sound
Watch the mommies
Helps me milk the goat
Flafoo now exists
Tell your story Mr. B
Flafoo.com
Say it three times fast
Flafoo flafoo flafoo
The whole idea is to make finding shit on eBay easy and quick
Making looking up stuff on eBay fun again
Kris's idea of funny with links
Following that path of keywords
I could say turkey fryer - http://flafoo.com/turkey fryer
And it works on your iPhone quickly
If you are buying anything from eBay start your shopping at flafoo.com
I need a job to support my garage saling habit
Goodwill is eBay 1942
Waiting for stuff to come through the doors
The Christians go buy pancakes and then come to Goodwill for skirts
I was about to pounce on a comforter set
I heard her reading the title letter for letter
I knew what she was doing
She was having someone look up her shit on eBay
So I start to chat it up with her
Screw the voice mails . . . send her a text
My Blackberry doesn't send text messages
Right
I didn't nerd out on her
She's the woman who got he Blackberry and said, "O it's for recipes"
Did you take her under your wing?
I tried Mr B
My niche is the toys . . . you can't take that part of Goodwill
The breast feeding plates
Have we ever talked about plates
Friendship was kind of born
Well, that is good
All the regulars are kind of gone
How is that creepy?
Have you noticed that they are not here?
Who?
I should have known then
Putting my car in the garage
Yes I had to move your junk
No more big stuff Mr. B I promise
Well, you threw a passive aggressive smack down
Garage is for cars, Betsy
It's for toys, rakes and storage
I think it is a puffy cuff thing
How is that a puffy cuff thing?
My car has 75 miles in the last three months
You drove them Betsy
Wheelchair stroller
My mom's prize Wheaties box with Michael Jordan on it
You got to keep this one straight baby
Getting stuff together for one of you mom's students
I feel like I been hit in the forehead with Night Train
Dewey, Wednesday's show is for you

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Tags: flafoo Wheaties box Blackberry Dan Goodwill

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 09:24:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-05.mp3
Show: #418
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

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It's TFF . . . Tell a Friend Friday
Here's what we got going on
Tons of comments coming in
Today will not be typical show . . . we're reading comments
Lots of entries in my haphazard Google contest
Finding the ones that were for the contest were hard
Now we need to figure out who the hell these people are
Not like your legs are broken
Just your Jaguar
It is the saddest looking thing
Tags are expired, hood ornament torn off, license plate holder Magic Erasered and leaking oil
Did I mention I haven't driven it for about 3 months?
The voting at Blogger's Choice Awards is difficult
Thanks to everyone who visited
We're gonna read the comments and contest entries
Comment - You parents can find you if they want.
Saggy Balls 101 wants to party
Comment - No need for video
He's a purist, like a biker
I would do it as a three camera shoot
5 minute wrap up of week
Comment - The karma comment
I full well expect it
Since I didn't swallow the scope I am not on same page
After they listen to about 3 of these shows, guaranteed
We've had this discussion
Bottom line, I expect it and would respect their decision
Keeping grammy close enough to make things normal
You never cared about me
Let's move on before we bore everyone
Comment - Curl that gun hand into a fist
Comment - Kid getting picked on
Same thing that they were doing already
Mob of gigantic kids jacked up Captain Crunch and Cartoon Network
While he is eating his Kix and watching PBS Sprout
Not to say that my kids are any different
You were picked on as a kids too
Yeah, it made me funnier
Hope your kids use it as material later
When I wrote it on my folder I meant it
Grunge stick figures
You're psycho
Move forward please
Our whole meeting . . . there were many times
I would have caught you slow driving in front of my house
Lesson in beatup karma
The pom-pom squad is not the delicate flowers
Doubt there was delicate flower that hadn't been had in your school
Vickie got her ass kicked by this girl
What brought this on? I know you sister
I'm not saying that it was provoked
My parents came together and went to school
Vickie is now planning class reunion
She gets a hunk of the class list
I tried to find the girl . . . but couldn't after her last arrest
She was offering sexual favors at the court house to pay her tickets
Attorney's are perfect
There is no client, paternity privaleg
Comment - When exactly were you two cool?
Part of my psychosis thinking I have been cool since birth
Probably a social disorder
I proved that I am not cool by taking you to nerd convention
Elbow deep in the back of a goat
Don't you remember goat cervix bangles?
I invented those
My dad was on Montel
And my baby sitter was Cindy Crawford
People have know me for 20-30 minutes before I tell them
We both have a lot of self-confidence
We went through crazy shit together
Captain of the pom-pom squad is not cool
Maybe in Sycamore
They went to drink out of the cow tank

Contest entries - if anyone of these is yours leave a comment with your email and I will get back to you to get your address for stickers

We read all of these on the show and tell some stories in between

1) croncast geek star kris and smoking Betsy are you still doing that? How are you going to locate a winner? by name? Robert
2) kris smith a man who can survive betsy
3) kris smith a man who gets locked in the basement by his loveing family
4) kris smith living the dream in naperville
5) croncast rockin to van halen
6) kris, this is your mom, I have a knife to send to maggie! give me your address!
7) worm farm sex
8) croncast betsy cow print
9) croncast betsy loves dawn
10) croncast Kris -"How are you going to know who submits the search?" -Kore Peterson -"The first to leave a comment for you via google."
11) croncast Kris get out of the basement and live life
12) croncast Kris loves John Elway Dodge
13) pics of sweet ASS street racing cars
14) betsy hates blue hair death to dawn
15) kris, out of puffy cuff goodle ideas
16) puffy cuffs are sexy
17) nerd bearded kris
18) +croncast Leave the comedy to Betsy
19) (kris betsy croncast) -"The blubbery bald bear's brawny baby batter befouled the bountiful, bodacious, bouncing boobies of betsy"

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Tags: Cartoon Network Magic Eraser TFF Evo Terra goat cervix bangles

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 03, 2007

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 08:20:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-03.mp3
Show: #417
Length: 31:01
Size: 21.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 03, 2007

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Bringing you the show for October 3rd
Be sly that that Google search person
It was good
New contest . . . Google you most creative result that gets you Croncast
You have to click through
You will win some stickers
The stickers were in your expo bag
Those gotta go out
Thanks to Steve, Mark, Rhonda and Craig
Betsy giving me looks as I slow down those names
They were at the live show
Betsy has some thoughts on the nerd convention
Every woman should visit one of these
There were no chicks there
1. No line for womens bathroom
You should be happy not to have many women while husband is away
Doing shots at the bar with Nick Starr
You are the hottest chick in the bar
Never happens to me in Naperville
It's an ego boost
It is so easy to compliment you people
You say something kind of clever . . .
Then I say, "I'm gonna twitter that"
Or say, "I am going to buy that domain"
Yeah, I used that a few times
Ahh, nerdom. I love it
Why don't we go to In and Out Burger again
Too much to handle
My lower colon just smiled at you
Twitter is addictive
It's like IM but one way
Do they build sonar into your phones?
You live in the dark
Come out into the light and you walk reading your device
Nobody has a iPhone hit the floor baby
It's not just guys
You have a vagina. You are supposed to be on my side
You are being so impolite, bears
I don't want to look like a nerd
No one calls each other at a nerd event
It's all sms baby, ping
Or we communicate by twitter
Swatting at invisible spiders
They are not nerd vacations . . . it's where business gets done
Everyone talks about what they have going on
Like Aaron Brazell mentioning mem_cache on MySQL
If I hadn't been on that trip I wouldn't have been able to share that with our developers
There were no babies or many wedding rings
I volunteered for something that I will pass to you, Kris
I have to decline
I do not want to volunteer for art class
It's no big deal Mr B
The children are making these collages
This is the most beautiful forest that I have ever seen
That's not your tree . . . that's your mother . . . oh!
Now I got to make a pipe cleaner cloud
It's all about balance
This flower . . . I can almost . . . smell it
Maybe a pipe cleaner porcupine?
It is the coolest funniest shit you've ever seen
We need rounded edges Mrs. Smith
Little boys making the "gun" hand on the playground
Fighting back instead of being pushed around
Being positive for the man
He has picked up a new habit that he is sticking with
Going full circle
Yes, my mom called 12 times today and left three voicemails
Would a neurologist have anything to look for in your ear?

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Tags: iPhone twitter that nerdom Aaron Brazell nerd conferences

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 11:28:36 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-01.mp3
Show: #416
Length: 27:00
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 01, 2007

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Trying to upload at airport

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Tags: Halloween New Media Expo virus eating hearing chicken wire holding your own against a stripper