county | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 19 Ep 11: Walzer A., Buffalo Days, The Coffee Drinker

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:51:22 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-01.mp3
Show: #457
Length: 26:13
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

About the Wednesday show
We were recording and the phone was ringing off the hook
Call from Walzer A
So this is Wednesday's show
Yeah, it was your sister calling
Brother-in-law lost his job
And the three mother hens showed up at his house
I did not envy him at all
It is getting more and more crowded in this boat
Your mom told you that you need to take care of this
I couldn't think of a more depressing situation
I wouldn't have come home
I would have went out at 8 am and got a beer
Where? This isn't Milwaukee
I would have waited that shit out
You are telling me that I am a born leader
I was telling myself that I glad you all weren't here
This is how it goes down in my dysfunctional family
My entire life I have had to be the man
What?
You shoveled in the middle in a snow storm
You can't even tell you shoveled
Doing it repeatedly doesn't make sense
At 4:30 am our neighbor fired up his snow blower
Ridiculous
Some men wake up with motivation, Kris
What would you do if it were a chainsaw?
Then he started cutting down trees
Well, hell he was motivated
Oh, baby
I tossed pup pup in a snowbank
What for?
To send to the TV station
Are you serious?
Well, I did send it
The auto response email was "Thanks for sending to KABC 7 Los Angeles"
Your snowy dog will be on in LA
You dogs suck
Jorge would be restricted to humane society
Ass end up in a garbage can
That is what we should have called the Resale Queen show
Yesterday, I almost slipped and died
Good things that dumpsters are heavy
How come they don't shovel by them?
I am going to open Dumpster Land
A theme park for you and your people
The dangers that you face everyday
It can't be packing peanuts
There is no Calvin pissing on nothing
What stickers would the truck have?
Did the new trucks ever roll out to La Moille?
I though i shouldn't ask because it would be sad
There was a time that they did come out
No one can tie a knot in this town
Ending up in the county jail
Swanson's baby
Onions in the peas
They came to town for Buffalo Days
The quaint small town festivals in movies, lies
There's no tax base to support that
Basketball game in a gravel pit
I grew up across from a buffalo pasture
Did you ride buffalo instead of ponies?
Did they chain them to a claw foot tub to slow them down?
From kindergarten to graduation at 14
Let me run the tilt-a-whirl
I would be right there
Ending up with a corn cob in his bibs
Might be dangerous but in a small town that's fun
Being pulled on sled behind cars
Watching the console in a lawn chair
I have sat in the back of a Chevy and bounced across fields
We didn't do donuts in a Wal Mart parking lot
It was a small town
Ok, K-Mart
That would have been a 30 mile commute
I know you rode in the back of a pickup truck on the way to a K-Mart
Yes, I did
CB radios in those days, figuring out who the coffee drinker was
Your mom would have a handle

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: buffalo snowy dog LaMoille Resale Queen sledding

McMansions and farmers from our neck of the woods

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 13:04:43 -0500

Reuters ran this a few hours ago with not much meat or point to the article. I think someone was just happy to type McMansion, farmers and soft red winter wheat.

Hell, even I can't pass up the fun.

Tags: Chicago McMansion DuPage county farmers soft red winter wheat winter wheat

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 06:53:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-13.mp3
Show: #349
Length: 36:01
Size: 24.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 13, 2007

Triscadecaphobes, yes it's Friday the 13th
Does that mean you are phobic of triscuits?
Afraid of woven wheat?
No, it means that I am afraid of Sandy Duncan
She's creepy
Smack her on the back of the head and one of those eyes is coming out
She's old lady porn, one eyed porn a new genre
I don't think so Booba
Edison was shooting that porn way back when
Getting back in to small town mode
All over a golden plump
Maybe that's how they get so plump
I grew up really, really small town
My folks weren't farmers . . . just passing through for the rest of their lives
He was held back
Other people are telling this story about you, just differently
He had the 13 year old creepy boy stache in 3rd grade
The epitome of backwoods Virginia
He had tight curly brownish/black hair
Might have been the fact that they didn't have running water in the house
Sometimes it's like someone dropped you off on a journey from the center of the earth
My dad raced stock cars at the county fair grounds on weekends . . . I'm class all the way
We would go out to their house
Push the car off the property to work on them on the gravel road
Wild animals in all the junk they
You had wild ferel cats in your yard . . . different baby, I lived in town
He's come out in his underwear and run around
Half a mile from the compound
Of course we have to push it off the property
I don't want a cupcake from you
Farms are junk car magnates
That's what we near Bear, a some property where we can abandon our shit
Making me hold it till we got home
They had the 21st century green toilet paint bucket with sawdust like your friend
You didn't catch him that's for sure
I spied him with his junk in his hand
Enjoying himself in nature and chickendom
What is he doing now? It's a success story
He was an Edison savant
You don't need electricity to run a phonograph
Gotta get rid of your bear plug Betsy
That is so gross
Great day for me Mr. B
My sisters kids were sick and I didn't have to babysit
They just don't get my sarcasm it washes over them
She looked at me blankly
Maggie thinks her name is moo moo
Today was the first day of garage sale season
Twins and triplets sale was training camp compared for this
They were there . . . my people
The Mexican guy in his Astro van with his kids on a school day
The Blue hairs early in line
I'm here for a free bowl of soup or the sale
She goes off about resellers and waking up early
She's 97 Kris, she's so old that she doesn't have an old AOL address
She's grandma1@webtv.com
That man has his kids helping him out
Thank you Mr. B it's a business
You can't match this flow
And there it is Mr. B
I was put on earth to do this
The Madeline in Paris Doll house with all the stuff
Why Wednesdays show sucked
Betsy had Elliot's neuropsych evaluation on her mind
They were really arguing that it was his semen that caused the problem
The genetic crap
Kids with medical issues
At a kids party you can pick the parents based on their behavior
Haven't you been tested for bipolar yet? You're eight! Shit could be going on up there
Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Triscadecaphobes neuropsych chickendom garage sale season county fair grounds triscadecaphobia

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 06:56:10 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-21.mp3
Show: #340
Length: 35:09
Size: 24.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 21, 2007

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

We don't trust you for vacations or cars
How creepy you are
Sitting at dinner and you'd bust out a stat on listener age
I don't want to change the show
I tries a demo plug
Who would advertise on our podcast?
Brand association
Dancing George Bushes
How do we add that to an audio podcast?
This show is brought to by a lot of people
Kris botches all the names
Sue B, I am sorry
So you have something for me that is disturbing and disgusting
For the last half hour you made me watch the NBC sex predator show
Sir is there anything that you want to say?
Sounds like vague entrapment
Get an attorney
That is when you end up with a female judge
They end up living in a trailer in the Mojave desert
Do sex predators end up working fast food?
Enlighten me to your idea
You finally got it out of here
Besides Spice Channel these were the winners of today's messed up searches
"my size barbie" modification s*x d*&^ (rather not have this get pulled up by search engines as real)
I told you that some pervert would do it
Oh, baby you are so wrong
It's too big and they are creepy
It's a 6 ft tall woman crammed into a 3 foot tall body
Of course creepy dudes are trying to bone them
"lactating for husband"
What do people think when they find us as a search result?
Oh, hey maybe I'll listen to this show instead of do Barbie
These contrived justice shows suck
It's all about what's wrong with America and how the Internet is destroying the world
Some people need their attorney before they go online
The setup television shows
The world doth go on, Kris, without you
Betsy's reality TV addiction
I Love New York
Real Housewives of Orange County
Rob and Amber
I wouldn't know what the internet looks like I can't use a computer in this house
Everyday in this house the UPS man rings the door bell and runs off like a gelding
When you are married ladies don't follow Betsy's example
So we're taking a month off

Tags: Dancing George Bushes Rob and Amber NBC predator show criminal entrapment vacations and cars

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 07:28:52 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-05.mp3

Show: #335
Length: 31:09
Size: 21.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 05, 2007

Read the iTunes comments for me
Who couldn't use an ego boost before ni-ni's
I learned this about Betsy
What is their format called?
But you know all the songs . . . when the hell do you listen?
Betsy knows all the words and Maggie groovin
The tunes were inappropriate for the kids
Add that to the Super Bowl commercials
That commercial brought out more awkward silence nation wide than anyone else
People will just have awkward silence with Snickers bars from now on
The Doritos commercial?
Oooooh spicy
I wish I could drown myself in the salsa verde
Another awkward pause between mothers and children
Elliot asks what happened? Bed time happened. That's what happened
The innuendo and violence
Go Daddy commercials
The naked chicks at the podcast party didn't work on you Kris
Joining forces to work in your underwear
I do have the camera up here
I been doing that Jetsons thing
You're not down here making cheese
Actually I am
We could sell the floor sweepings to Kraft
Wearing man Jammies on my trip this week
I'll be in Boulder for the rest of the week working
Betsy toying with idea of renting a house in Boulder for the summer
Rent, plus mortgage
I watch too much Oprah not steal money from you
Instead of spending it she's putting it away
Saving money is Betsy's new addiction
Who are you to speak?
Around tax time, when I think about the money that went through my fingers
Nickelodeon hell on earth hotel
Any listeners been there? Let us know what it is like.
I've seen pictures of Disney and they are creepy
Happy people who have been thoroughly checked to walk around in cute costumes
I got county fair instead
Is there a place with carnies all year 'round
I can press charges or you can work at Dollywood
An entire venue dedicated to roach clip collections
It is cold in Chicago
Hear that? Hear that? . . . all we say in Betsy's car now
Yes it is back . . . no doubt that they pulled it apart
The Slowsky tale of woe
Bad car karma
You have your own show
I have done it right this year with attorney help
Looking for a Volvo replacement
Take the puff out of your cuff Mr. Bears
I've gotten used to the heated seats

Tags: Slowsky tale of woe Bad car karma Doritos Super Bowl commercial Boulder trip iTunes comments

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 10, 2007

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:43:35 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-10.mp3

Show: #325
Length: 31:27
Size: 21.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 10, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Tara Rester.
What is this new thing staring me in the face
It's a horse for American Girl Dolls
Not made by American Girl but by Battat
More stuff about American Girl vs. Battat that passes Kris right by
More big blue stuff
The dolphin got shipped off to Alabama
Yeah, because they don't know that dolphins aren't blue
Betsy's secret birthday wish didn't come true
She wants a picture of Mr. Handsome (Zeus, the dog)
Two pictures under that corrugated clear plastic where you move and the picture moves
You know the ruuu ruuu ruuu stuff under your finger nails
Out of the ether Betsy's hero called . . . Ben the handy man
I love him in the way that any woman loves a man that can fix things
Bears, you're just lazy
It's my birthday, get your ass over here . . . that's great
The handy man technique of quote then never show back up or call
Once they are kicked out of the next county they come back
They can't take Betsy's personality
It is her wit and intimidation
Maybe I did make you sound like an asshole for tearing a whole in my shower
What was he thinking with duct-tape and a Jewel bag
Sharing a bathroom for a month with your mother-in-law
Duct-tape in my own shower . . . you bet
Then my husband tells me no on speaker phone
Living in Milwaukee
Crazy guy asking the police if they masturbate
Betsy says, "I could live in Milwaukee forever"
Oh, I am never going to Menards with you again Betsy
Blame the mommies they have gas too
Send Betsy a Blue Mountain card at thesmithmall@hotmail.com
She's 31

Tags: Tara Rester American Girl Dolls Battat horse duct tape shower Betsy Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 27, 2006

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:42:12 -0500

Croncast - 2006-09-27.mp3

Show: #279
Length: 19:07
Size: 13.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 27, 2006

Short show notes and show . . . I'm on the raod and the car comes to pick me up at 4 a.m. or did in this case. Betsy goes on about the Tickle Me Elmo TMX and I spend tie poking at the judicial system and the folks that get states jobs.

Don't forget to check out Betsy in text at her blog Resale Queen.

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Tickle Me Elmo TMX jucicial system county court house Portable Media Expo Betsy Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 06:58:21 -0500

Croncast - 2006-09-22.mp3

Show: #277
Length: 39:40
Size: 27.2 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 22, 2006

Betsy eye rollin, you can do it too
Sweet Slowsky is full of garage sale stuff for Betsy to sell
The Tri-County Twins and Triplet Sale
This is where I took pictures last time of the crazy mommies with homemade carts
Laundry baskets fixed together with belts
Lots of get pregnant drugs used around here and they have lots o'babies
This is not a normal sale for Betsy
Joining forces with your sister
She's selling the DPV
ResaleQueen.com is up and ready to go
How long it takes to get anywhere
New eye rolling subject
Betsy rolls in slow motion ready to slay some people
Sister won't hold her back
I was thinking about Booba today in my car
Someone knocks on the door and there is a hot woman standing looking back at me
It all goes the worng way . . . should have kept it to myself
The Slowsky smell
Betsy is ready for a trunk
No parking on the street
Kris is losing his mind
Next week Kris will be L.A. area next week for 4 days
On to the dog business and what the comments mean to us
Can't end on that
The coin return stuff with Betsy

Tags: Slowsky The Tri-County Twins and Triplet Sale DPV eBay Los Angeles dog

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 17, 2006

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 08:31:40 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-17.mp3

Show: #216
Length: 35:12
Size: 24.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 17, 2006

Listen with iTunes? Leave us a comment - spread the word!

Show Notes

Betsy rips me for my voice and tries out one of her own
My true voice, the one I hear in my head
Madonna's accent
Betsy's dipthong-ish breakdown
The same voice I use for calm
Betsy did show prep!
We gotta talk about that on the show
Married 10 years this year in August
Waking up with a mouth full of limestone
Betsy's top 10 list of reality shows
Betsy's true guilty pleasure
Comcast with DVR makes it so much worse
What planet are you from?
Throw you a corn chip every once in a while and you'd be a happy boy
Cursed with back to back shows on opposite channels
Here's the list (full of commentary):

1) Little People, Big World
2) Blow Out
3) Flip This House
4) America's Next Top Model
5) Real Housewives of Orange County - They got great counter tops
6) Flavor of Love
7) Project Runway
8) Rocksar INXS
9) Breaking Bonaduce
10) The Apprentice

Santino where are you?
Kris's favorite is Drawn Together on Comedy Central
Betsy's big week - she's throwing a garage sale, damnit!
It's political
Betsy shush's Kris, I got shushed
Shakeira Carter - thank you
Two words: Trailer Bank

Tags: reality tv top 10 santino rice comcast dvr garage sale voice

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 151

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 09:26:53 -0600

Croncast - 2005-12-24.mp3

Show: #194
Length: 39:31
Size: 27.1 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 151

Thank you to everyone who sent a message for Maggie! They all mean a great deal to us.

Show Notes

My silent eyed partner
It is Christmas Eve
Maggie is asleep, Maggie update for anyone who missed last week with Elliot
Topsy turvey life
Betsy's happy place
Shaking just like Elliot did at same age
We were preparing to visit doctor then she had more
The baby doctor freaked on phone
Emergency room
Kris held it together
Betsy growling
Everything that Betsy and I hadn't dealt with when Elliot went through it
Dinosaur milkshake machine
Maggie barely knows English
Thanks for the emails
Her tests came back negative
New test is a 48 hour EEG
We didn't do this with Elliot
The snapshot
Can't see damage with EEG
Keeping the 9 month old awake until midnight
Then we put her up for the MRI
Things are calming a little until holiday rush, yesterday
The other sick kid
Day care kids used for syrum production
She's throwing up everywhere
"Get the hell out with your sick ass kid"
Kindercare should use it as a new business model
The pug
Dog sitting proves the husband correct
Dog and cat hair cuts
Something wrong with Americans
"I need a puppy cut and a Brazilian for my Muffin"
Rednecks with Wahl clippers unite
This week at Goodwill
How to make a successful western movie
It is probably a more truthfull story
It's not shocking
Deal or No Deal
It is gambling just like betting on what sqaure the cow will poop in at the county fair
Pat Sajak lives in my chaps
15 copies of We're Coming Over left
Get your's today!

Tags: betsy maggie elliot croncast deal