dough | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

dough boy - macy's parade

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 12:02:33 -0600

Season 19 Ep 1: Big man small sled, CWI, Guilt

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-07.mp3
Show: #447
Length: 28:54
Size: 19.9mb
Format: mp3

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We're Back!!
Fake intro
New intro
New show art also
Welcome to what we're calling, 'Season 4'
We gotta keep it fresh
The show turns out to be a huge part of our lives
We interact through the show
You don't talk to me about your life
Now all you want is for me to be your 'manny' and watch the kids
We need the show for sharing with one another
Some really hilarious things happened
Painful for me
I am still in pain
You whiney monkey, hush
I get to call him out on this fakey, fakey shit
Can I tell the story?
Sure, give it your shot
You won't be able to do it
So you went to Elliot's holiday play
You left early
And guilty you should be
I had to leave!
No you didn't, you are unemployed
I'm literally being drug under a semi by you
I can't tell you about my secret he tells us
I never heard grand finale
Kris cuts out early, early
Let me tell this story
You are unemployed, you have no business
You shouldn't even look at your watch, bub
And yes, I felt guilty
So you decided to take him sledding
Let me tell this story
I go sledding with the man at 'Winter Mountain'
It's a snowboard hill near the house
It goes like this . . .
Big man on a small sled
Big man meets mogul and ground with his chest
This hill is getting bigger and bigger and Kris
Why where you sledding Kris?
You are an adult
When I landed on my side it sounded like bubble wrap popping
My chest was burning and I was out of breath
Right and you call me!!! Me!!!
I am trying to rest
You would have been better off with a Hefty back greased with Crisco
So you refuse to go to the emergency room
Days later you are still in pain
It was killing me
I was trying to be tough for my son
Kris, I put myself in danger for you
For absolutely nothing I did it
There was no red snow
You weren't dead or dying
I finally get you Urgent Care
After x-rays
Remember to take deep breaths
You have a 'Chest Wall Injury'
Kris you have a CWI!!!!
WTF, that isn't real!
I learned that I am made of dough
I am out of shape and things that moved weren't supposed to

Two news items:

1) We talked about changing up the show but couldn't come up with a format other than what we've got. So we're going to continue on until we reach our 500th show in about 5 months. If we do any shows after that they are bonus.
2) We're starting a new weekly podcast January 19th delivered every Saturday. It will be a ResaleQueen podcast focused on, well, what else but resale issues.

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Tags: Season 4 Urgent Care Hefty bags sledding CWI

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 07, 2007

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:48:30 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-07.mp3
Show: #443
Length: 34:47
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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It's Tell a Friend Friday!
Get out there and tell somebody about the show
Leave those comments on the posts
I'm going to commission something for you for Christmas, Kris
A bronze statue?
No, a paint by numbers
There has to be a service online like that
My paint by number would be one number
Yeah, with a bucket of porcelain white paint
Your improv classes are coming to an end
Sure I got one more to go
All anxious about this job stuff
You are like a woman this way, Kris
Your puffy cuffedness blasting
My beard was all jacked up
I needed a trim
The website can't see the fact you shouldn't
No shaving it off
I do enough repulsive crap in my day
I set you up with a barber for a beard trim
It wasn't a regular barber, it was mans man barber
So anyway I went to improv
It was great, I gave up the scene
He said, you intimidate me
The stay at home intimidator
I thought should I go with Kris to the man spa
Is Kris going to end up getting a happy ending massage?
Funny you should say that, I did get a free massage
I roll in right on time
They ask me my name
He had the pencil line goatee
That weird etched on looking beard thing
Kind of like a Backstreet boys
Head back to the lounge
What do you mean?
The cigar lounge in the back
Leather couches, flat screen TV
This woman walks in
She a masseuse
Would you like a free massage?
Sure
I don't any cash, I know this isn't free
Yeah, you gotta tip
Don't you have to get out to your job at The Buckle?
Yes, I also have a degree from there
You gotta be on the inside to tell a certain type of joke
I am on this inside
She was kneeding you dough and commenting that you were buff?
That is why I was laughing so so hard
I'm slumped in front of a computer all day
My muscles are dough
It was the sales pitch
I didn't take my shirt off
This was an 'over the clotheser'
Is that on the board?
I'll take an, a . . . over the clotheser
I meet the barber
When I say that I don't have time for a shave
The barber tells me that he can't just trim my beard
Without the shave he won't do it
I felt like I was in a Larry David episode
I had to argue with this man for 10 minutes to get in the chair
"It's all about chair time"
I'm in a really big hurry
I will pay you for the chair time
No, no you won't
I tell him that I am leaving
He says, come on back, I'll do it
"But you don't understand that I don't just do dis. I do dis."
I told him that knew he was an artist but I just need a trim
It all went down horribly
I can't even show people how bad my goatee looks
Oh, it sucks
Yeah, you look really bad Mr B
It's like my bad perm but on your face
Betsy thanks Markx again for the stuff
Especially, Thrift Score Zines
Marie Down South, the thrifty stripper
Tell your friends about the show . . . it's Friday!!!

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Tags: Thrift Score beard trim masseuse Backstreet Boys Marie Down South

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 06:51:04 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-26.mp3
Show: #342
Length: 36:07
Size: 24.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 26, 2007

Betsy cranked out some more Resale Queen posts
I added a little widget that pulls you posts into Croncast
At least you can pretend
You're like my management
No I haven't seen the scissors, just the knife
Dog head collar in a homemade envelope
There's only two things shipped in that style of envelope . . . dope or anthrax
Sending packages through USPS media mail
Only books but nothing you wrote yourself
You're gonna tell me that you pay some ogre to open dirty books?
Any likeness to the real guy "One Eye" Pete is unintended
Are postal jobs hard to get?
We're not talking about Jeanie's mom
Taking disability and as a result you can have a post office job
Kris hired the crazy guy that worked at the post office
Yes, Betsy, he talked to his soup and giggled all the time
Little white guy, glasses
Yes, he had his car stolen three times a week and refused to move
He was a Vietnam Vet
Great guy
The Boulder Vet with his Duke's of Hazzard uncle Jesse look
So he was the Boulder information booth
Maybe he was on his lunch break
The FedEx people . . . I like them a lot there more laid back
Anything beyond a lobster
Did you know that you can ship 60,000 chickens through the mail
"I gotta get these chickens to Detroit in a week. Can you ship them?"
Putting the dog on the APC at the post office
Our 16 lbs. golden retriever arrives at our destination
I want that to be us
I want to be the old couple in the RV at Cracker Barrel and watch you walk our Pomeranian
Kris standing in his overalls and shiny sports jacket embroidered with "Betsy's Bitch"
My vision is you dressed super puffy cuff with a baby bjorn with the dog in it
Point of contention and Kris's car
It's what you are doing to my car
You're destroying my car
I'm just not into details
When I pull up into the resale shop in your Jag and I have to think twice about where to park it
You need to be driving the Volvo
Fancy schemlly coffee that has spilled all over in it
I'm calling you out on the show finally to make my point
I'll fill my car up tomorrow with your money
Betsy scraps with the loose cannon owner of the local gas station
He's an asshole . . . baby no he's not
Your card is no good
Crazy eBay lady just leave
I wanted to throw a donut at him
I got men to take care of
Soap, razors . . . those are expensive Mr. B
Can't you go with a single blade?
You'll get a rough more manly look
I have been converted to the more blades the better crowd
Why don't you use the power stuff?
Coming Wednesday . . . blowing a lot of dough, Kris comes clean

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
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Check a news post for a new RSS feed for getting archive shows on weekdays one at a time
Send us a message or comment on the blog post soon to follow with the day of your favorite show for running in March "Catch up with Croncast in 22 days"

Tags: Resale Queen blog USPS media mail FedEx people Cracker Barrel 60,000 chickens

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 07:41:26 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-17.mp3

Show: #328
Length: 29:50
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 17, 2007

Betsy starts the laughing early in the intro
What are you doing?
Kris isn't it about time you go to work
So, um it is day three and I already can't stand the site of you
I might rent you office space
Roll some orange extension cord out to the shed
You're monitor is so bright
Lift up your man boobs and let me see if there is a tan line
It's all been subterranean
The meat loaf made everyone sick
No, Mr. B it didn't
Carla got it
It is the 'socially unacceptable flu'
My insides are liquefying
What these people would look like in Banana Republic
Betsy has no personal space this week
Even if Elliot's skin is falling off tomorrow he's going to school
So this was problem . . . you in the basement taking up all this space
Elliot, Gigi, Zeus, Mom and Betsy all in the same space
Hey Kris, could you . . . and you disappear
Now the conversations are what the phone calls used to be at the office
She walks down and face to face
When are you going to be gone at your conferences
They are mini geek vacations
I'm really busy . . . and the you need to get the fuck out of here look
I don't have that look
Yeah you did Dough Boy
The mountain time zone difference
I'm trying to match the schedule
But I just started Betsy, it takes time
I should make you punch in and out Bears
The laundry, well the process of what it takes to get the laundry done
Betsy tells the story of Tiffany the chow
Making my way from the basement to the executive bathroom on the second floor
Maybe you and Maggie could go and get a job shoveling snow
I have had two jobs for the last 3 years . . . that isn't what I am telling you
Can you tell me the hours of my job?
Wind it down, yes I am
Why call 911 when giving birth?

Tags: subterranean husband Banana Republic flu smelly dog dough boy get out look

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:54:34 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-12.mp3

Show: #326
Length: 34:30
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 12, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Ben Witt.
Also brought to you Black Box wine . . . just cause Betsy finds so delicious
Melissa is back with us again for a special show
She is going to sign up to be the Brockway Girl (I would link this up but the links are broken to their own promotion)
Melissa works at the group home that we collected and you donated dough to
She came on to thank everyone and get Betsy's hook up help
"Geek husbands are the best," Betsy
I'm not like them. Do you want to come over and play Wii with me?
I smiled and nodded but I really wasn't interested in it
You want me to what?
If you enjoy single life you will enjoy being married to a geek
Their direct deposit goes into your account
Nerds are loyal and won't disappear with your neighbor
Give'em lots of cereal
Mc Donald's gift card and no allowance
Getting your nerd 'sun like' light from special bulbs
Can we throw your photo on the site?
Hotter to every nerd . . . pic in front of mic
Not that I have been home thinking about it
Betsy has a master plan for Melissa
A beer girl to?
In Germany Kris could apply to be a beer girl and win
She should win because her last name is Brockway

"I don't know why you don't have a harem," Betsy
Melissa doesn't understand search engine results
She reads some of our search engine hits for the last 4 days

Girls gone wild, spice channel, nipples, girls gone wild on airplane, Hot pic french maid, full body corset, animal husband, Dr. Oz gain an inch,Goodwill store commercials, drink drano, canker, RSS girls gone wild, cuffs, sexy fifties, issues with john elway dodge, betsy porn, "vasectomy didn't work"

So that is how the world finds us
Getting a vasectomy in Tijuana
I don't where a t-shirt that says I have hang-ups
Even if he sees his friends from online he wouldn't know who they are
Look at Kris, that is the geek defense
You'll understand someday
I came on the show to thank everybody for everything that they gave to us
We had the best Christmas at the Lisle group home
The best one that we have had with them ever
Thank you to your listeners!
Today is Kris's last khaki pant day, it is over
Kris, you have to shower everyday . . . you'll get stars on your page
Wii tournament January 27th

Tags: Ben Witt Brockway Girl Brockway Chophouse geek husbands Wii tournament

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 143

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 07:05:16 -0600

Croncast - 2005-11-01.mp3

Show: #184
Length: 37:48
Size: 25.9 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 143

Show Notes

------------------------------------------
Betsy's eBay listings link

TheSmithMall

------------------------------------------

Show intro
Betsy sings (this is what happens before every show begins)
I am Betsy's bitch
I make her air pop popcorn
Betsy has scaley feet
Betsy wants a pedicure
Putting up a picture of Kris' feet would get us thousands of hits
They would all be men pleasuring themselves until they find out that they are attached to a man with a beard
Betsy is ready to pimp me out instead of podcast
Creeped out spending the dough, dirty stripper money
Kris is still eating the same value meal
Men are too fat when they can no longer see penis in shower
Betsy is watching Oprah again, "Launch your own comeback"
Not wearing makeup
Princess Betsy with lipstick
Bird with plumage
Sexy male birds
Stuffing myself with food to not see penis to keep temptations at bay
Penn and Teller
Betsy's reality shows are now overlapping
Ulga's, Pink Cheeks, hair removal
The Girls Next Door, the Playboy show terrible name
The girls went to get waxes
Adult inside jokes in G and PG movies
Robots, "I get the Brazilian because it makes me feel like it is a fiesta everyday."
What happens when 6 year Ginny says that to her teacher?
PBS whoring out it's cartoon characters for cash
Euphemisms for bodily functions
Kris grew up next to the Montezumas
Kris gets the Hamburger Helper Star of the day
Keys, Cell Phone, Jumpdrive in the left pocket
Wallet, money, change in the right pocket
What you don't know about people you marry until they reveal things many years later
Kris won't call for pizza
I do it for organization
Betsy is going to buy me a girdle so I can see junk again
Having an attack
Don't rock my pocket world
Divorce of the pockets
Betsy's cough for lingers from the sore throat
I'll eat it, but food with hair from the animal that it belongs to are way too gross
Eating a chicken wing and flossing at the same time
I try to Betsy kudos for her meal cooking and somehow it goes back to me throwing a man fit of somekind
Buying a can of Ragu from Walgreens
Reasons housewifedom have come to suit Betsy
Cleaning a house with two screaming kids
Short shout outs for the night, Betsy will get crafty with them for Friday
Croncast has the best listeners
Betsy can't tell me about the poverty book anymore
Female donations

Tags: betsy kris croncast pocket feet

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 29

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 11:48:04 -0600

Croncast - 2005-01-28.mp3

Show: #63
Length: 38:28
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 17.6 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 29

Well, on my way into the city about 1 1/2 hours ago my baby Lincoln decided to have some massive electrical issues. So no meeting and no fun!

I am going to put up today's show and then take the car to Pep Boys for repair . . . hopeful repair and for not a whole lot of dough either but I am estimating that this will $500 or more to fix. Wish us luck.

Maybe the Lincoln is pissed off because I didn't do another show from it today.

Today's Show

Show notes soon.

Tags: croncast repair lincoln ep betsy

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 6

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 11:28:46 -0600

Croncast- 2004-12-02.mp3

Length: 39:11
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 17.9 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 6 is all killer with no filler. . . maybe all filler but it is a hoot! I just typed hoot. The first bit of the show is Kris messing up and Betsy messing with him. This part was going to be removed but we deemed it pretty funny after listening to it and left it in.

Music in todays show is provided by permission from Jolie Holland, a wonderful musician with cogent lyrics and a voice signed off on by the choir.

Today's Show

Messed up intro
You're not Walter Cronkite
Dirty fucking IT geek
Betsy won't vacuum
Kris is really grumpy and apologizes
Intro for real
Welcome Betsy
Gretchen Helfrich
NPR baby names
Melba we'll change your name
Stimulating conversation
Greg Walker.org vs. Greg Walker.com
Betsy Google's Kris and he ain't where he should be
Can't be a miser without dough
Little 4 year old's and personal space
Short bit on Ray
Betsy yawns for the 35 time
De-iced car doors with rubber mallet
Betsy wants a Jaguar
Jolie Holland
The Kinsey NPR interview with Bill Condon - wrong, wrong, wrong!
Minka
Nov 12, 2004 dinner - grilled cheese and root beer floats
The inferno cake for three decades
Schmappy Birfday Miff
Send those baby names
Betsy walks three feet
Wrap up

Jolie Holland - Old Fashioned Morphine

Tags: betsy kris holland jolie croncast