dream | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Famous people I've sold shoes to

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:31:20 -0500

In the mid 90's after I left college (see; not graduating) I worked my up the food chain with an athletic shoe retailer to eventually manage a couple stores. In this time I was able to put shoes on the following famous (lightly said) peoples' feet:

By the way, the whole reason for this post is that for some reason I had a dream last night and replayed all of these sales in my head. Maybe it's a sign to give it all up and go back to selling shoes. Wouldn't Betsy be thrilled?!

Ok, here they are:

1) Carrot Top
2) Teddy Riley
3) Kevin Garnett
4) Lorrie Morgan
5) Ray Allen
6) Rudy T

What good stuff you got in your closet from a former life in sales dealing with "famous" people?

Tags: nike the finish line carrot top famous people feet

Season 20 Ep 7: Koi Pond of Death, Kipp, Horticulture Authority

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:01:19 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-18.mp3
Show: #482
Length: 26:40
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Kris is all business all the time
I am business baby even when I sleep
You're on Twitter 24/7
I was dreaming about API's
That is why I slept through the earthquake
Why you should be like me
Fifth graders would listen
It is like dreaming about math
What parent wouldn't say, "I would like my kid dreaming about math"
You can't negative criticism
The survey we ran for one year
The likes and dislikes are finally available
It's not that
"He laughs at nothing"
The laugh is used to fill in the gaps
Go back and listen to the first few shows with gaps
No one is addicted to your laugh
I say addicted to laughing in general
It is good for you
Adam Curry released some demographic data
So with that I will release all survey that we did later today
STICKERS - first 10 people to send me their address from the contact page
GET - a sticker
Swearing was a thing we did a lot of
We've gone through iterations
Your mom draining her tub
My options were here or next to the sump pump
The outdoor work began around here
Anything I try to do never works
We know this Betsy
The neighbor's chemically altered grass
The grass is smart it knows not even to cross property line
Raised timber bed
Longtime listeners might remember the coi pond
The koi pond of death
I hire them to clean up the yard, remove some timbers and edge my mulch
People that run their own business have psychological problems
They do it because they can't get a normal job
Anybody can be a landscaper
Kipp's Lawn Repair
Kipp is name of death
Just says drug habit
I ask him for a quote
He's a horticulture authority
You could sell his rotten lumber
ReplacementDeckParts.com
That should be your next business
Green has become a scam in many ways
AAA1 Steve
Are you bonded?
Yes, I've posted bond before
Oh, no
That sort of happened with the Comcast guy
He'd done time
Or as he said, "I did a bit"
He hadn't seen his kids in years
That TV would fit right out that window
I got my eye on them
I don't trust them ever
Betsy is soo like Daniel Day-Louis in There Will Be Blood
Upton Sinclair wrote the book just for you
Would you quit junking for $1 million?
I couldn't do it
That would only last you 3-4 months, Kris
Right, 50ould go to the divorce
Banking where you used to live
You mail stuff to your bank?
Well, it's an hour long drive

Tags: Koi Fish croncast stickers horticulture authority Upton Sinclair Daniel Day-Louis

Season 19 Ep 9: Casey's Bags, The Breakups, Groups of two

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:44:44 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-25.mp3
Show: #455
Length: 26:05
Size: 18.0mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

You know the comments have been light
You haven't been on Kris
People said they loved the mono story
But that shit was a total downer, Kris
You can't keep going parking with those ladies
I lived out every Bruce Springsteen song, ever
Small town birth control: Casey's bag
Some hostess snowballs and a bag
You date leans over and says thanks for the birth control
Who wants to buy condoms from their conservative cousins
She thinks you got long johns and condoms
We actually went out together
Sure I hadn't left in two weeks
It snowed a foot of snow and the road was open
Our driveway looks like a demolition derby
Still has your parked car on it
I had a dream about running for Treasurer in Naperville
We won't be selling the car
Betsy, right now
Small web job saved it for now
The big things are next
Things are turning around for you Mr B
We went to Silicon Prairie
I hate that name
I love it, Kris
It could be changed to Farm Hand Geeks
Or even Country Coders
The had Rock Band and that was fun
Sure, Dave Bost and Larry from Microsoft were there
They are Microsoft Evangelists
Why don't you have an xbox?
I don't spend money on games
Get a rhumba from Goodwill
They're charging more than eBay
It's even first generation
So you get on Rock Band
My first band broke up during the first song
You guys sucked
But then you moved to the lead singer
You nailed it
Do you have "Short, short man by 20 fingers?"
You have such a love for old school Chicago house
The same drum
Can I clue you in to rock
The same song for the last 30 years
It's like ick, Kris
House music is all about feeling good
Did your mom just happen to be on street corner in Davenport, IA?
It's not a boob without nipple
Yeah, it's all cleavage without it
Not really
Good, when I see you come on stage I hate you
Better, to know that you hate yourself too
Now lets have some fun
New curriculum for ever class
That is not the school you want to go to
Betsy, you are too dirty
Yeah, news flash
I have all these shows for you to point out what's wrong with me
My checklist is all filled in
Tomorrow: Resale Queen Podcast by 9 a.m. CST
Topic: What you need in your resale kit
Shout out to Yoosun Lee in NYC

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Rock Band Silicon Prairie Dave Bost Microsoft Evangelist Davenport

Season 19 Ep 2: Betsy's Birthday, Jeanie, Pizza Dude

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:58:06 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-09.mp3
Show: #448
Length: 28:08
Size: 19.4mb
Format: mp3

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Short show notes today . . . It's Betsy's Birthday!!
Things have been crazy here today
Special guest Jeanie (the real so late today)
Quality is a bit off for three mic set up
Sure it is a messy man pit
Betsy got the call to audition for Wheel of Fortune Chicago
Dear Intern, this is my childhood dream
Need a hookup with a sturdy llama
It's a casting call
Good luck baby
Jeanie knows what following Besty around is like
I wasn't following her for a Build a Bear
It was a Bitty Baby
No one knows the difference
That is playware
More on that January 19th
People need to know these things!
Sure they do, Betsy
Things like, your checklist for the bottom of a dumpster
The auction story gets cut short
Besty and Jeanie profess their lust for a rock star
Not sure he is a star
Jeanie went to a fundraiser with Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight
For Adrianne Curry's mom
She needs to make more money on her show
The party at the hotel
Jeanie's pizza guy dropped his stash
It was right on my foot

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Adrianne Curry Jeanie Christopher Knight Bitty Baby

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 09:24:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-05.mp3
Show: #418
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 05, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

It's TFF . . . Tell a Friend Friday
Here's what we got going on
Tons of comments coming in
Today will not be typical show . . . we're reading comments
Lots of entries in my haphazard Google contest
Finding the ones that were for the contest were hard
Now we need to figure out who the hell these people are
Not like your legs are broken
Just your Jaguar
It is the saddest looking thing
Tags are expired, hood ornament torn off, license plate holder Magic Erasered and leaking oil
Did I mention I haven't driven it for about 3 months?
The voting at Blogger's Choice Awards is difficult
Thanks to everyone who visited
We're gonna read the comments and contest entries
Comment - You parents can find you if they want.
Saggy Balls 101 wants to party
Comment - No need for video
He's a purist, like a biker
I would do it as a three camera shoot
5 minute wrap up of week
Comment - The karma comment
I full well expect it
Since I didn't swallow the scope I am not on same page
After they listen to about 3 of these shows, guaranteed
We've had this discussion
Bottom line, I expect it and would respect their decision
Keeping grammy close enough to make things normal
You never cared about me
Let's move on before we bore everyone
Comment - Curl that gun hand into a fist
Comment - Kid getting picked on
Same thing that they were doing already
Mob of gigantic kids jacked up Captain Crunch and Cartoon Network
While he is eating his Kix and watching PBS Sprout
Not to say that my kids are any different
You were picked on as a kids too
Yeah, it made me funnier
Hope your kids use it as material later
When I wrote it on my folder I meant it
Grunge stick figures
You're psycho
Move forward please
Our whole meeting . . . there were many times
I would have caught you slow driving in front of my house
Lesson in beatup karma
The pom-pom squad is not the delicate flowers
Doubt there was delicate flower that hadn't been had in your school
Vickie got her ass kicked by this girl
What brought this on? I know you sister
I'm not saying that it was provoked
My parents came together and went to school
Vickie is now planning class reunion
She gets a hunk of the class list
I tried to find the girl . . . but couldn't after her last arrest
She was offering sexual favors at the court house to pay her tickets
Attorney's are perfect
There is no client, paternity privaleg
Comment - When exactly were you two cool?
Part of my psychosis thinking I have been cool since birth
Probably a social disorder
I proved that I am not cool by taking you to nerd convention
Elbow deep in the back of a goat
Don't you remember goat cervix bangles?
I invented those
My dad was on Montel
And my baby sitter was Cindy Crawford
People have know me for 20-30 minutes before I tell them
We both have a lot of self-confidence
We went through crazy shit together
Captain of the pom-pom squad is not cool
Maybe in Sycamore
They went to drink out of the cow tank

Contest entries - if anyone of these is yours leave a comment with your email and I will get back to you to get your address for stickers

We read all of these on the show and tell some stories in between

1) croncast geek star kris and smoking Betsy are you still doing that? How are you going to locate a winner? by name? Robert
2) kris smith a man who can survive betsy
3) kris smith a man who gets locked in the basement by his loveing family
4) kris smith living the dream in naperville
5) croncast rockin to van halen
6) kris, this is your mom, I have a knife to send to maggie! give me your address!
7) worm farm sex
8) croncast betsy cow print
9) croncast betsy loves dawn
10) croncast Kris -"How are you going to know who submits the search?" -Kore Peterson -"The first to leave a comment for you via google."
11) croncast Kris get out of the basement and live life
12) croncast Kris loves John Elway Dodge
13) pics of sweet ASS street racing cars
14) betsy hates blue hair death to dawn
15) kris, out of puffy cuff goodle ideas
16) puffy cuffs are sexy
17) nerd bearded kris
18) +croncast Leave the comedy to Betsy
19) (kris betsy croncast) -"The blubbery bald bear's brawny baby batter befouled the bountiful, bodacious, bouncing boobies of betsy"

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STICKERS!
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Cartoon Network Magic Eraser TFF Evo Terra goat cervix bangles

Kris Smith - New Media, RSS and Podcast Expert

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 16:43:14 -0500

Kristopher Smith
http://linkedin.com/in/ksmith
Naperville, IL 60565 (630) 445-1719 ● kris[at]palegroove.com

Career Objective

A leadership position with a company interested in benefiting from the opportunities presented by leading edge new media technologies where a commitment to innovative ideas and entrepreneurial spirit is recognized and rewarded.

Qualifications Summary:

Accomplished entrepreneur and strategist with a demonstrated history of success integrating new media technologies into existing platforms and campaigns for Fortune 500 companies.
Combined expertise in RSS and podcast development with an extended network of relationships with independent, corporate and mainstream media.
Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform that enables users to manage large libraries of content and maintain statistics privately.

Professional Experience

Room 214, Boulder, Colorado ● 1/2007-11/2007

Vice President, New Media

Leadership force for product development within an organization that integrates new media, public relations efforts, web marketing methodologies and technologies under cohesive systems that drive measurable calls to action via the Internet. Company services were solicited from some of the most recognized PR firms and creative agencies to positively impact corporate sales, brand awareness and communications.

Major Contributions:

Developed moderated media RSS feeds (mmRSS) for episodic and archived content delivery via RSS
Orchestrated product development and integration of emerging technologies such as Twitter and other social media API's into Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform
Created and delivered new products from the Castlock code base, RSSignite and Episodr
Spearheaded integration of new media including podcasting and RSS into new client product offerings and marketing campaigns
Invigorated existing client marketing campaigns with new media elements
Directed digital media production from concept to final deliverable
Initiated research and development for RSS strategies and effective RSS search engine optimization
Served as company spokesperson at industry and new media events around the country

Career Note: As a representative of Room 214 and respected authority in the new media field I delivered the following presentations:

Podcast & New Media Expo (Sept. 2007) Ontario, CA."Compression Killed the Video Star"
PodCamp NYC (Apr. 2007) New York, New York. Panel "Podcast Open Metrics Initiative."
eLearning 2007 (Mar. 2007) Chicago, IL. "Using RSS Feeds, Podcasts to Deliver Distance Education"
Podcast Academy 5 (Feb. 2007) Duke University. "Understanding Authenticated & Personalized RSS Feeds"

Joint Commission Resources/Joint Commission, Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois ● 5/2005-12/2006

Associate Director, eLearning

Promoted to direct eLearning digital product development for Joint Commission Resources. Led innovations in delivery of information required to comply with the accreditation standards of the Joint Commission on Accredited Healthcare Organizations (JCAHO). JCAHO accreditation and certification is the standard of excellence in health care organizations.

Major Contributions:

Identified opportunities for new revenue streams utilizing innovative content delivery systems
Evangelized blogging and podcast initiatives to integrate new media technologies within the enterprise
Directed a division to develop digital products and manage legacy products focusing on increasing sales
Engineered courseware implementation, software, coding and course development for field cadre and central office employees
Disseminated educational training information to 400 global field staff via a custom RSS application

Palegroove Studios, Naperville, Illinois ● 2/2005-Present

Founder/CEO

Pioneered the start-up and development of the world's first podcast production company. Advised Fortune 500 clients on utilizing this medium to extend their brands. Developed podcasts from conception to deliverables which includes consulting with client on: show content, format, script writing, transcripts and creation of royalty free musical intros,outros and sweepers. Developed and licensed Castlock, a robust new media management and RSS metrics platform. Produced over 700 podcasts since 2005.

Podcasts Produced:

MasterCard, The Home Depot, Abbot Laboratories (2007)
Nascar Alltel Racing Podcast (2006 & 2007) produced podcasts in conjunction with XM Satellite Radio
NFL Alltel My Circle Podcast (2006 season) produced with nationally recognized radio talent from official team media outlets
Nascar Coors Light Racing Podcast for Coors Light (2006)
Fab 5 Summer '05 Podcasts produced for MTV Networks Affiliate Marketing (2005)
Developed and independently produced Croncast (2004-Present) delivered 3 times a week since November of 2004 and recognized by a number of media outlets including: The New York Times, Detroit Free Press, FOX News, and NBC (Chicago)

Career Note: As a successful entrepreneur and recognized expert in the podcast industry I delivered the following presentations:

PodCamp West (Nov. 2006) San Francisco, CA. Keynote panel "The Future of New Media"
Portable Media Expo (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. "Leveraging Your Knowledge as a Podcasting Consultant"
Podcast Academy 4 (Sep. 2006) Ontario, CA. "Web Design for Corporate Podcasting"

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois ● 5/2000-5/2005

Distance Learning Technical Support Specialist

Trained and supported university and college faculty throughout Illinois on the integration of technology into the classroom as part of ILLCO, a state funded initiative
Designed and developed all graphics, wrote code, recorded, edited and encoded all audio for a Flash virtual tour of the college campus for use online, CD-ROM and hybrid DVD
Recognized as innovator within organization promoted four times in five years

Languages

PHP, MySQL, RSS, XML, HTML

Audio/Video

Sound Forge, Acid Pro, WaveLab, Vegas, Waves, Fruity Loops

Blogware/Podcasting

Castlock and WordPress

Design/Interactive

Flash, Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator

Courseware

WebCT, aTutor, Scenario Studio, and HorizonLive

Education

BFA Visual Communication with an emphasis in Digital Design 2005

American InterContinental University, Hoffman Estates, Illinois

Associates of Arts Degree December 2000

Waubonsee Community College, Sugar Grove, Illinois

August 1993 - December 1994

Bradley University, Peoria, Illinois

Tags: RSS guru Podcasting professional PHP Castlock New Media expert RSS expert

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:32:16 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-25.mp3
Show: #367
Length: 34:11
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Bringing the intro
I got it this time . . . the original intro with emails
If my eyes were balls of lava your head would be melting
I noticed you've not called your parents
Listen, I got to call them from my cell
Yeah, the swing set needs to be moved on Sunday now
So you might not be able to make it out to your folks
And on Saturday Calvary Church in Naperville is having it's annual sale
I'll be there at 6:30 in the morning
Times are desperate Mr B . . . I gotta tear it up
I might just pretend that I am one of them for a discount
What are you doing here this early?
Are you a member?
Betsy calls the employees "scaries"
My sister witnessed someone trying to haggle . . . "You know Jesus is watching you."
What? Jesus wants your mega church to have 50 more cents?
So what is it you people on the circuit call the workers?
The church is one of those that preaches the prosperity crap and monetary wealth for your faith
I know how these crews work baby
You never know how Betsy is going to react
Yeah, I'm way far on the left and way far on the right
Sometimes I like to just watch people squirm
I'm sorry you have difficulty with me Mr B
I play the opossum role
Where'd you get that quarter?
I just have sucker written all over me
Reminiscing about Betsy's special wheel chair from last year
It got deep and deeper on her
It wasn't Jesus watching it was some super bad Unitarian karma
She started frontin'
What kind of asshole devil buys a wheelchair from Christians and then tries to sell it for profit the next day on eBay?
You?
The buyer ended up needing a part for the chair
But baby, would she have gotten the chair without you!
Do you know how much Karma owes me for marrying you, Mr B?
My key this year is to hang back and find the least scary of the scaries
They can have my soul
The big ball jar waiting at the end to capture your soul
Karma vs. Jesus . . . I'm a Unitarian we walk with Karma
I just want to talk about this
You wake up and tell me that if I ever cheat on you will kill me
"You cheated on me in my dreams"
When I cheat on you in a dream I pay for it for three days!
WTF baby
It wasn't sex with a random hussy
She manipulated you from across the room
So I didn't have to go home for lunch
He is mine!
I laid my claim early!
I looked upon the sea of men and said which one of you is strong with a weak constitution
Someone that doesn't make sense like I don't make sense
The goat story is classic
Yeah I get it but there is a time and place for that story
They have a greater appreciation
What it was like going to doctor and they make small talk and then you tell them you work for the other side
Everything changed
It was a job of respect . . . never had one of those before
Burning cars in Naperville

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Tags: Calvary Church in Naperville Croncast Cronies Jesus is watching you dream cheating vehicle fires

One-o-them days

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 17:15:44 -0500

Howdy.

Me llamo Kristobal.

And that's all I got for today. Check out the tags below and guess the day dream I am having right now.

Tags: E.T. flying bicycle one of those days Kristobal bicycle basket

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 18, 2007

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:52:09 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-18.mp3
Show: #351
Length: 30:21
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 18, 2007

Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.
We're here for your tax hangover
Welcome to Wednesday
They should start the new year with taxes
We said in January we we're going to run lean this year
Look at it as an opportunity
Hanging with the short bus dudes
Mr. B you should get a job as a bus driver
The driving tests
There is no way that they could insure me to drive a bus
Sorry I just need to get my edge
Way back when I was lactating
Who the hell reads the fine print?
Your tombstone Kris . . . . all in fine print
The lesson of my life
I am tired of and can't handle another fucking life lesson
Their is only place we haven't been stuck is investing
Unless it is my good looks
Gotta go to NY with puff in your cuff
Same camel hair jacket, less some hair
You can wear undees and have no close
David Sedaris being called out on embellishing
WTF world
What is this weekend Betsy?
First full sub-division sales
People higher up on the food chain
I love to eat the chum from the surface after the big ones have snacked
I signed the documents and didn't look up as she was asking
She was asking Betsy to sell some stuff on eBay
They beg and keep throwing the rope out
"You can take a commission" which means . . . we're cool right?
Liz . . . you are heretofore known as Mike Marusin's wife
Carla brings over a 15 year old Coach bag
Betsy needs her own show . . . "The Appraiser"
It's all $32.99
The stolen eBay accounts that keep buying her bags
The Nigerian shipping address flagged us
As your husband . . . it is embarrassing that people walk up to you and ask you to sell their junk
We're Sanford and Husband, you need to get over yourself
I need a junk shop it would be my dream
Junk spelled 'que' I can't take it
Junk shop to p's and an 'e', Junque Shoppe
I have it baby, your shoppe just needs to be an empty parking lot with the junk piled high
We can start it here in the cul de sac
CBI - chief bitch in charge
Betsy is now writing the greatest garage sale ad ever
She has to make it seem like the ultimate subdivision
It would be like a crappy play
Just take the junque think on tour
Vets treat animals not people
Take the dog to the vet and get it's medical history
Going to the hospital five hours later
Rabies isn't reality . . . but the rabid bats in your walls did it
Dead bat in the back of the toilet when I lifted up the lid
Pure evil
You probably killed the bat and don't remember doing it
Cuddling it too hard and put it in the toilet in a moment of stoned panic
Bow down bitches, I told you so doesn't fit
Baby it is always the same
You're cutting me off again Betsy
You would not succeed as a junk seller Mr. B
McDonald's still makes me happy
I can look at a T and T Barbie, a Twist and Turn from the 60's
Betsy has it locked down on eBay
You are addicted to selling junk
The same way that blue hairs addicted to scratch offs
You got the eBay juice
What happened to the purse business?
Kris busts into the NYC cab story
His wibbling moustache
Maybe that was the best part of the story
When you visit NYC have purpose, walk, talk act like you got something going on
The city is out to get you but can make it better
More people than I have ever seen in my live
It's like walking into the largest ant colony you have ever seen
In NYC people were nice
Right, now that they have your credit card number

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Tags: bus driver David Sedaris read the fine print junque shoppe dead bat in toilet