driveway | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

hoop ballast

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:46:27 -0400

i told you folks the honest truth on the show that a bag of quickcrete, used tire, top 10 feet of a TV antanae and a Wal-Mart basketball hoop were my gravel driveway pride.

this remnant stands as a testament to this story. i had forgotten that we had written our names in it. check out that sweet "Kyle".

Tags: hoop remnant stands pride driveway

Season 20 Ep 20: Photos, Old Shuffling Posse, Professional Tic

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:25:15 -0400

Croncast - 2008-06-06.mp3
Show: #495
Length: 30:25
Size: 20.9 mb
Format: mp3

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Oh, the 2008
Comments on the photos
I'm a what?
You're a good amateur photo taker, Bears
I never made it to the sweetest Goodwill in the world
When was that?
San Francisco, it just wasn't meant to be
Look at you all up on the Oprah stuff
I got my eye on those celebrities
I knew today was going to be a great day
Because the Lutherans were having a sale
Garage Sales are euphemisms for "Party on the Driveway"
You were benevolent enough to babysit
It is either a ghost or an alien in front of me
You should be so lucky
Space Ghost!
You can convince me of anything
I got to the sale kind of late
The guy from the furniture tent comes out an yells
That we can hop into a new line that is shorter
I was torn
They can have stuff in multiple questions
I think you will reach a point, your peak of sales skills
We should freeze dry you at that point
Then revive you in the future when the dollar is strong
It will be like a time machine
Betsy, you bring it
The dollar is still strong with the Lutherans
Double check the luggage later
I stand in line to wait for the dishes
I need my fine china fix in their housewares sections
I brought bags and I have adrenaline flowing in my limbs
Oh, look, Christopher Stewart
This is when I started to look like a nut
Started?
Slow shuffling old posse arrived
Those match my dishes
I love those
Are you going to buy those?
I am now just to spite you
You wasted my time with your story
They're rookies baby
You are con-garagies
They send the 12 year old anemic boy to help me carry stuff
She's now a professional tic
She went and bought speakers from Farm and Fleet
I love it, speakers from Farm and Fleet
I am sure you are related to people that duck taped their heads That is the truth
Duck taping down his pants
Especially when fired up the chainsaw
The tape suit
Class issues really stand in your way Mr. B
"Transvestite's getaway car ran over good Samaritan's foot"
Words make the world magnificent

Tags: Space Ghost Farm and Fleet speakers Lutheran sale Naperville

Season 20 Ep 16: Sellers Hate Hoarders, not the Game, Golf Stance

Wed, 14 May 2008 07:20:58 -0400

Croncast - 2008-05-14.mp3
Show: #491
Length: 19.7
Size: 28:40 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Betsy "Classified Ads" Smith
That is your new name
You're like silly putty
Let me see your palm
I guarantee that their is an ad transfered to it
Did I see a Happy Mother's Day Classified ad?
Nope
Did I sleep on a floor for you?
Mr B I am going to kick your ass
I don't want to hit golf balls
Then I win by default
You are very competitive
My brilliant delightful wife made it rain golf balls
I thought it would be like a coffee machine
I wanted a cute paper basket with a handle
The second of the idiots is now here
They should put up a sign
There was a sign I am sure
Based on how you played it should be bright pink
You are so full of crap
I couldn't put my arms around you
Resting in your schwetty palms
A boy at the disco
You missed the ball completely
Then I got it dialed in
I was the winner no doubt
The driving range isn't on my to do list
If you had one we would have been doing the next
I am a bald man, I don't need to be sleeping on carpet
The divets on my head were too much
I won't make you sleep on the floor
Call you Betsy "Lemon Juice" Smith
This is my super bowl weekend
Where is the sale this weekend?
Bears, 23 consorted sub divisions all at once
They have a consortium of sub divisions?
Yes
Betsy now reads the classifieds
Leaving your boxes on the driveway
Somebody is going to steal them
UPS picked them up
Are you sure?
What are the rules?
You show up first and the item is your's
They might share a bag Gardetto's
You have done this to her
Bird Lady I am going to get you
I am going to walk around with

Tags: silly putty classified ads sub division consortium

Season 19 Ep 9: Casey's Bags, The Breakups, Groups of two

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:44:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-25.mp3
Show: #455
Length: 26:05
Size: 18.0mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

You know the comments have been light
You haven't been on Kris
People said they loved the mono story
But that shit was a total downer, Kris
You can't keep going parking with those ladies
I lived out every Bruce Springsteen song, ever
Small town birth control: Casey's bag
Some hostess snowballs and a bag
You date leans over and says thanks for the birth control
Who wants to buy condoms from their conservative cousins
She thinks you got long johns and condoms
We actually went out together
Sure I hadn't left in two weeks
It snowed a foot of snow and the road was open
Our driveway looks like a demolition derby
Still has your parked car on it
I had a dream about running for Treasurer in Naperville
We won't be selling the car
Betsy, right now
Small web job saved it for now
The big things are next
Things are turning around for you Mr B
We went to Silicon Prairie
I hate that name
I love it, Kris
It could be changed to Farm Hand Geeks
Or even Country Coders
The had Rock Band and that was fun
Sure, Dave Bost and Larry from Microsoft were there
They are Microsoft Evangelists
Why don't you have an xbox?
I don't spend money on games
Get a rhumba from Goodwill
They're charging more than eBay
It's even first generation
So you get on Rock Band
My first band broke up during the first song
You guys sucked
But then you moved to the lead singer
You nailed it
Do you have "Short, short man by 20 fingers?"
You have such a love for old school Chicago house
The same drum
Can I clue you in to rock
The same song for the last 30 years
It's like ick, Kris
House music is all about feeling good
Did your mom just happen to be on street corner in Davenport, IA?
It's not a boob without nipple
Yeah, it's all cleavage without it
Not really
Good, when I see you come on stage I hate you
Better, to know that you hate yourself too
Now lets have some fun
New curriculum for ever class
That is not the school you want to go to
Betsy, you are too dirty
Yeah, news flash
I have all these shows for you to point out what's wrong with me
My checklist is all filled in
Tomorrow: Resale Queen Podcast by 9 a.m. CST
Topic: What you need in your resale kit
Shout out to Yoosun Lee in NYC

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Rock Band Silicon Prairie Dave Bost Microsoft Evangelist Davenport

The snow has arrived

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:11:04 -0500

Winter is here and the sleds have come out.

It has taken us four years to figure out that our driveway is at a
steep enough grade to sled from door to cul de sac.

Tags: sled grade enough door cul

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:55:45 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-28.mp3
Show: #439
Length: 22:14
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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The posts are posts
The most totally Gary email
"I'm in a village where people go to die"
"Someone couldn't wait and died on train"
Life itself is a destination
Mr. B is all happy
You've made it someplace
Yeah, void before it started and void when it ends
I knew you would turn it around and make it negative
When I was hit by a truck I learned this truth
Sure I flew 30 feet
How do you know you flew 30 feet?
There were witnesses
In the country?
No, it wasn't the country I was in town
Kris, could you keep farm animals in town?
Yes
Then it is the country!
I can see the bike-a-thon
Ride you big wheel around the block, pig bbq, oh someone is dying
If you are windshield smudge before you are 10 you're not a smart one
The banana seat bike catapulted me
I can see your dad measuring 30 ft
Right, everybody in town carried a tape measure
Is there a point to this story
All, I am saying is life is your destination
Live it while you got it
Lawn chair collectors
That's a hotel chair
Gigi starts yelling
We're all on the edge of our seats, Kris
They got into rc cars
When you are not the one being farmed?
The human condition means we are all farmed
Mr B
Betsy explains how it is done on the farm
I had gravel but there are many a boy that would want gravel over grass
You can be negative all you want
Today is the greatest day ever Mr. B
I am dressed in my sloppy best
Betsy takes us way back
Is there ever a need to dress up in your world, Betsy?
No
I say the same things to you
Once you understand this story you will understand me
The broom story from the last show didn't do it?
Betsy tells a story that I have never heard
Her dad bought his wife a car
We drive out to pick it up from a country driveway
It is parked behind a convenient store
It looked like it belonged in your father's yard
It was three different colors
No class, no style but it had balls
It was the original hyrbrid
Dekalb Ag car
She was disappointed
I was 15 and drove all the time
I didn't want to go get a license
It was a formality, detail
As long as I don't leave his subdivision I could get out of it
And I entered a 4 way intersection that turns out to be a 2 way
I hit a girl in a little pinto
My friend said, shit you're 15 you won't get your license until you are 21
My evil side takes over
I realize that she is 16 and doesn't know what to do
This is when I take over
We shouldn't call the police
We can let our dads talk and take care of it
The rest is history
This is possibly Betsy's funniest story ever
You are going to be a scary adult

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Tags: Pinto my dad small town fundraisers big wheels banana seat bike

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 31, 2007

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:00:08 -0400

Croncast - 2007-08-31.mp3
Show: #404
Length: 30:50
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 31, 2007

Another day of short show notes. Apologies to my people.

Today is Tell A Friend Friday. Pick one of your people and let'em know about the show. Next week I'll make this easier with some links to some of the favorite shows, but for now feel free to tell your friend about your favorite show.

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Short show notes:
Betsy mimics the intro word for word with her telepathy Why the hell are you the director Mr. B?
You are busting the chemistry
It's a good thing that we can still speak after 11 years of marriage
You wouldn't have ever done this show if it weren't for me
Baby, you take some improv classes and now you want to be in charge
I'm going to Boca to sit on my driveway and watch traffic
I'll tell you about direction
You have started telling the same jokes to new people
I have to stand there and act like they are brand new and funny
It's not tired I just have make sure it fits
Very timely . . . but if they listened to show #101 they would realize that I made that joke the first time around
Mr B! I would never steal your jokes
That is why I am directing . . . I watch you tell these jokes
I won't expect you to show up every time
So you stole the joke from Judy?
Comment time
Come over and see my new dog . . . it's a Lab
Uh, sorry to tell you your square faced dog is a pit bull
No, Betsy, it is pit bull and lab
The dog doesn't like men
What it mans to wear pineapple pants
CaptRespect (thanks for the write up) asks about cyclists
Rosa says Betsy should be on What Not to Wear - I agree
Her friends have already threatened to do it
Dan asks, why does he like this show so much? Kris's jokes . . . next question
Cyclists make us jealous because they get up so early and are fit
Easy way to tell a friend about the show . . . just do the intro to the show for your friend.

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Tags: pineapple pants What Not To Wear CaptRespect pit bulls telepathy

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:59:37 -0400

Croncast - 2007-07-27.mp3
Show: #390
Length: 32:29
Size: 22.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 27, 2007

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It's been a while since we've done a show
The worst part is I can't tell anyone the story
It will ruin the show
We have to tell everyone we'll tell you later
I did see some of the photos baby
Jeanie and I laughed
Don't start there Bears
This is not the typical Croncast, Kris and Betsy story
Sure I have been supplanted by Jeanie
Mr B would have done this anyway
Do you want to tell your story?
Can I give you some hints to telling a story
We are going to start our story from the very beginning
Jeanie rolls up to my house
We have to go to my sister's kids party
My mom and my dad in the same building, stress
The last time was like 10 years since they were in same room
I had nightmares about how bad this trip was going to be
Epiphany was to dope them out with DVD's
Misgivings? Why? Last year was not enough?
So I strap in the DVD player and monitors
We surprise the kids with it
Strap in the kids and pull away
The power adapter pops in, out, in, out
Elliot,"It's on, It's off. It's on. It's off."
With a former truck driver by your side I shouldn't have been worried
Jeanie took a class in map reading
"Betsy, where is the map?"
"I don't have one."
Simply a print out from mapquest
With the kids I figured it out
Take the group home approach, catch them being good
What does Maggie get?
Green dry erase markers
45 minutes later Jeanie says you've got look at Maggie
The scariest site ever
Maggie colored herself green and put chocolate in her hair
She was laughing maniacally
"I funny. I funny."
So we pull over at a truck stop
I walk in with Gigi
Everyone stops, turns and stares at us
She had lifted her dress and colored all the way to her diaper
That woman is totally talking to Betsy
Dry erase markers come off very easy
Where are you at this point?
Western Illinois
Jeanie wanted to hit the world's largest truck stop
Betsy, "Didn't you listen to last year's vacation show?"
Another thing that we learned last year was to get a hotel room
Jeanie was rolling up in the driveway when you booked it
You didn't remember it
Kris, shut up, this is my show
No map Betsy doesn't know where she is
Elliot and Maggie hit the hotel and want to sleep with mama
Elliot has had it and is ready to sleep in the car
Little Kris was in the backseat complaining
Now he reads numbers he made sure to point out we were speeding
I don't recommend the Super 8 in Lincoln, Nebraska
Isn't there something in Lincoln like a university
Jeanie brings the good trip karma with her
The scary omens of the open road
I had apologized to Jeanie
You have got to heed the signs
Every mile marker was a Slowsky moment
I was amazed that we rolled into Denver/Boulder area
The kids have started to melt down
Hey, you've won another Pokeman card
Jeanie, can I have another car
Honey, Mommy is going 90 mph you need to sit still
They waited until we were in traffic to act up
Every parent knows that you kids don't need anything from you until you are merging onto the interstate
We were behind a Prius
It had a blue hair in it, double whammy
Did the exhaust smell like broccoli or cooked carrots?
When you ride with Betsy you are junk coordinator
Fast food dumped in your lap and Betsy sipping on her diet coke
Give me that grilled chicken bitch
I know you, Booba
Speeder! I won't get in to it
Kris has speeding story to tell
My great Denver court room story
We have been here for 12 minutes into the immaculate clean house where we are staying kids flip out
So we leave the house
Where did you go?
Pearl Street
Do you want to stand on a clogged street in 88 degree heat with hippies
Elliot's hippie story, guy's sign said, "need money for a shirt," but I watched him take off his shirt and stick it under a rock
Sounds like Pearl Street to me
Henry is putting up a mark on the chalkboard right now
I know who your favorite hippie is
Jeanie called Evan to tell him that they were going to see the hippies
"My ship has sunk. I need cash"
I told you it was the pirate
Very herbal
They're all playing guitars and wait for you
No judgment, eh Kris?
Pete the pirate
You could start a fish stick line with his name for $6
I have to stand there and tell my son that this stuff is normal
We saw Goth grandma
She doesn't care anymore
You get passed 70 and start tripping on your titties
The point of this story that children work on 15 minute cycles
Jeanie sees the
Here's the reason the hippies bother me
They are balanced out by smug trust fund babies
Betsy, "I only pan handled once. That is a story for another day."
The next day when you came home from San Francisco I made sure we got home right away
Elliot saves family in the mountains
Give him a hard time, you can't mess with the man
We stopped someplace in between
The place where you buy gas in a bucket
We roll into Rocky Mountain National Park
The kids are watching Scoobie Doo at full blast
We are excited about a fox with dead animals in its mouth
Elliot, "Shush, there is a boy named Elliot in this episode"
Momma, I just saw a squid
Momma, I just saw an alligator
Not even close to being in a forest
It's not funny when you are their mother
He got it from a book you bought him
A book about future animals 10,000 years from now with illustrations
I forgot my cell phone
That is what I do Mr. B
So we start going up the mountain
Jeanie is gripping the OSHA car handle
The blood vessels are popping out from between her fingers
She has gone pale
Maggie, "no up. No up. No up."
Betsy talks Jeanie down
Look I'm driving with no hands
Maggie's sense is I'm strapped in
Shut up guys, Scoobie is on
Wrap the show . . . coming back down the mountain
Maybe a little Elk Mountain Resort, Valhalla on Monday, Wednesday

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Tags: portable DVD Pearl Street Jeanie Bowen summer vaction 2007 Elk Mountain Resort

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:09:14 -0400

Croncast - 2007-06-18.mp3
Show: #377
Length: 33:05
Size: 22.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 18, 2007

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After Friday's show you deserve this show. I haven't laughed this hard listening to one of our shows when doing up show notes ever.

Switched up the intro and Betsy gets lost
I finally get to tell my Entourage show intro beef because the fixed
What was the issue, flipped text
I don't think HBO gave the show a shot because the intro was jacked up
Bless you baby
Season 4 of Entourage they fixed the "Pizza" thing, sweet
Flight of the Conchords isn't on my watch list
Not a fan of the musical in any format
The Tudors dude is short and that ruined it for me
Tom Cruise wears flats, Tudors man should
Kris puts a ban nationwide on hummus
God damn, there is so much bad breath in this country because of it
The effort and strain that it takes to be married to Kris
It was like 105 degrees up there?
Did you put on some sunscreen?
No
That's not the point
Did you drink water?
That's not he point
Did you wear a hat?
That's not the point
Self-care skills are nil in your case, Mr. B
I understand that being healthy is important
The playset used to be log cabin
They can't destroy it because Abraham Lincoln might have slept in it
Yeah, the other daddies sleep with their lawnmower in their bedroom
He hasn't mowed his lawn longer than me
All I have to say is . . .
A big well of pity
Happy father's day Mr B.
That'll teach him . . . should have worn sunscreen
Look at the nice swing set with Abraham Lincoln wood
It is now a shiny beacon of play land for kids
Abe would be proud
I knew it would be done
The neighbors got the Rainbow Swing set
900 fat men could sit on it an not break it
I accidentally set myself up in a Betsy joke
So he says it to daddy and it's on
He should have been saying it to you
Man, Booba you are just full the Mr. B hate
You did a good job Mr B
I didn't know you knew how to use those tools
Back to the banning of hummus
Sweating out every last bit of water in body
Betsy hanging out breastfeeding and eating hummus
The interior of the house doesn't smell like dogs, cats or baby poop
It smells like Betsy's hummus death
It all came to me in a flash
I was embarrassed when your friends came over
Betsy's throat hummus fills the entire house
The real problem is that all the toothpaste in the world is poison
But, Jesus, the Tom's Natural Toothpaste is horrible
Elliot, "You can't eat the toothpaste. If you do it taste like you swallowed a plant."
Hippies shouldn't make anything that goes in your mouth
Neighbors cutting down trees again
We plant a tree, they cut down three
Now it is on our driveway as mulch
We debated for a long time, but the tree was going to fall down
Right, and your kids will die too
Was the tree sick?
The tree care guy said it had a patch of fungus that could grow
What sort of fear mongers must the tree care specialists be?
Trees will kill you in your sleep in the middle of the night
It is their favorite time to fall over and crush you
So what did I find in the river?
Here's crazy shit #997 that happens to me and Kris
I'll finish it on Wednesday's show

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Tags: Rainbow swingset Entourage Flight of the Conchords Abraham Lincoln cabin hummus death

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0400

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

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Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

The Gary Busy of animals

Thu, 31 May 2007 06:59:55 -0400

Garbage day was today, one day late thanks to the holiday, and the raccoons that usually party at the end of our driveway at 3 a.m. missed their grub.

In response they pulled a Gary Busy on me and when I took the garbage out at 6 a.m. I found that they left me some gifts other than ripped open Chinese take out and half-eaten diapers.

They thought it would be funny to leave me a string of poop down the center of the driveway between the cars. Odd, yes, but I know they are trying send me a message for not making the black bag offering full of kiddie dinner scraps.

And to get even with me? They poop between the cars, knowing full well, that as soon as Elliot runs outside in the morning to go to school and hop in the car he will be blinded by it's shininess, run around like a mad man laughing and yelling about it. Then, when I need to bring him back to earth, I'll have to explain that it came from the crazy raccoons who are threatening us to extort our trash.

He won't believe me. He'll think I'm crazy and tell stories about me for the rest of his life about how his old man thought that the neighborhood animals had a Soprano-esque society that extended to roughing up their human counterparts.

It's true. I swear.

Well, maybe it's not, but damn. Why they gotta poop on the driveway and make me have to clean it up before I've checked my email?

Tags: garbage day raccoon party half-eaten diapers table scraps shininess

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 07:09:50 -0400

Croncast - 2007-05-21.mp3
Show: #365
Length: 33:43
Size: 23.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

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New intro/outro music . . . something from 2005 that I never used
Think of it as looking into a pool of water
I'll ask the audience to do the intro with me at the live show
You are pure saccharine Mr B
I'm the guy that the ladies date and I tell them I'm gonna marry them
Was Elliot born when I was making pizzas at the gas station?
What was that timeline?
Then you started making pizzas
Wasn't even in a place where I could get a job at a gas station
You want me clap for you because you are making pizzas at a gas station?
Motivation for really moving on . . . being called a loser
"I just want a job working with computers"
And look at me now!
Yeah, your forehead has burn in
That was one crazy time in our lives
I like how you set me up tonight
Oh, yeah the cell phone message
The IRS is finally coming?
Nope it's an invite to hang with Kris's family
Oh, you are such a drama . . .
I didn't say it . . . you are putting words in my mouth
That makes you a bad person Betsy
That is really unfair
I was expecting you to just hang not even listen
But yet the social worker in you piqued it's interest and you had to listen
If you want to go, Kris, it is fine with me
Asked the man if he wanted to see where his dad grew up
I know how this plays out
"We can take pictures"
The corvette will rumble out of the garage
The part of Kris that wants to trust them will come out
The Sopranos and my life
You are talking about your mother
Oh, god . . . somebody fast forward
If you need help . . . go and get it!
Setting boundaries is a good thing
Yeah, I have "sucker" written all over me
And second, if you family wasn't the way that it was we wouldn't be together
The muted male point of view of what happened in his life
I was born, I had sex for the first time at 13, I graduated from high school
The start of the first time I touched something
I had the skateboard from Sears
It was a fat one, not that thin shit
So you were now riding that around in the gravel
Interesting happening on your Route 34 45 mile long garage sale
We lived at the Lake Holiday not Sandwhich
That is a long way for garage sales
I do have to think ahead
The don't have anything post-WWF
Everything is so cheap
Mark those free and put them at the end of the driveway
You are going to attend event
My cellphone is at the bottom of my purse under dirty diapers and crackers
OK daddy I'm not going off the path
ADHD under control through bugs
Our grill that caught fire is taken for salvage by brother-in-law's pops
Oh will I miss last summer's fiasco reminder to clean our grill
Kris will get rid of it
Taking pictures of ourselves . . . shit, we are fat
It was that point of looking at them and realizing that those people are us
We can't take pictures of ourselves at any angle
I look like a grizzly bear trying to hump a rabbit
My stomach doesn't stick out that far . . . no, it's real . . . it does
In that photo she's lifting up my shirt
There is no plus that can come of it

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Tags: Lake Holiday Route 34 garage sales Croncast Live post WWF corvette

Volvo V70 the curse of Slowsky

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 10:26:18 -0500

As many of you know we divorced Slowsky months ago and sent her on her way to a certain death on someone else's watch. About three months ago as a replacement for the 7 year old beast we picked up a 2006 Volvo V70 at Betsy's insistence that this was the car for her . . . I should have known better. It is was an untitled demonstrator and only had 600 miles on it. It now has 3800 miles on it.

In the last three months it has been in for service 4 times (quickly to be 5 as soon as Volvo will come and remove it from our driveway). It has been towed once (soon to be twice).

The repair visits have been:
1) Passenger window that wasn't attached to the track at the factory so it wouldn't go down or up. Cause: Presumed drunken Swede.
2) A child booster seat that didn't have the release strap attached. Yes, the strap and accompanying plastic cosmetic piece were not physically attached to release the seat. So I pull and it comes off like it was glued with butter. Cause: Again presumed drunken Swede arriving late for work after churning butter at home.
3) Car will not come out of park or release key for 30 minutes. Got it in gear and drove it in. Cause: unknown.
4) Car will not come out of park 8 hours after repair. Waited 2 1/2 hours for Volvo to get us a tow in a metropolitan area that is pavement from us to Chicago. Cause: a clip of some sort was broken.
5) Car will not come out of park 12 hours after repair. It now sits on our driveway. Cause: Something is broken and the dealership hasn't figured out what it is otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post about it sunbathing on our driveway.

To say that we have been dissatisfied with this purchase would be an understatement.

Betsy is now worried about driving the car. Even if the future repairs do the job I can't blame her. Getting stuck with a brand new car, Moose and Maggers in the winter doesn't sound too appealing.

The thought that maybe the air bags were packed with popcorn wouldn't surprise me at this point or the steering wheel is held together with tape and bubble gum or that the car's computer is an old Sega game console from Goodwill.

There is no doubt that Slowsky is back to haunt us.

Tags: Volvo of Lisle V70 tansmission Volvo V70 2.5T V70 Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 05, 2007

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 07:29:31 -0500

Croncast - 2007-01-05.mp3

Show: #323
Length: 38:08
Size: 26.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 05, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Gary Shilts.
Well, "Big news on Friday" has turned into "Big News on Monday"
Betsy and a wise friend advised me against it for today, so blame them for ruining the fun
The blue thing staring me down
Turns out it is a dolphin, dolphins aren't blue
It's a kids swing
This color issue is bothering me
Have you ever hear that introduction before
You got it wrong Mr. B.
We would have this argument on some stranger's driveway
People couldn't handle it
Today's big news is that Betsy thinks I need to be her apprentice, nope
Betsy says that I can't tell the big news
You already gave it away Betsy in email
No one knows where we really live
Henry, the nerd posse
You have to give him a plug for his blog
Even though he's from Aurora we let him in
Drying your junk with an air dryer
You would think immediately that this is something would happen in Aurora
Well it wasn't
Thanks for the image Henry!
I know about your Habitat for Humanity
I am going on record, I have never messed the white powder
Unlike the Barack Obama
Betsy does not take this kindly
"They are dumping his stuff out in the public cause of his presidential aspirations"
What you're telling me is that Mr. Kris Smith was a worm farmer?
Who is 40 years old and hasn't tried drugs in their life
It's not he's Republican, every Democrat has done drugs
I don't understand this ideal . . . and Kris misuses the word "vestige" . . . I apologize
Happy rays come out of his eyes
Don't let him take his shift off then his love rays come out
Lifetime movies are TV teledramas purchased for $7.50 from a vault
Stranded on an island with a hot guy and her dork ass husband
We had to watch the movie because the starlet had big boobs, natural
Betsy is hitting the Black Box Wine again
I can see you doing what you do, Betsy, with any product
Dumpster diving does have real value
"I just got good at this," Betsy
Taking out the benches that could smash children
Watching the garbage man do his job
He has to think every week, "It's about time these people got evicted"
Getting teacher crap for the holidays
OK shows over

Tags: Lifetime movies Barack Obama Black Box Wine dumpster diving Gary Shilts

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 18, 2006

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 07:27:59 -0400

Croncast - 2006-10-18.mp3

Show: #286
Length: 29:54
Size: 20.5 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris October 18, 2006

Bobble heads for intro
I need more work
It's hard out there for a B
Being so hard on a B
What is the deal with Slowsky?
Should we trade it in . . . nope
Now Slowsky sits on the driveway
Slowsky is like a 8000 lb green lawn flamingo
Searching for the good karma
Smartly - is it a word
It was a good gesture and a valid option
Slowsky is a heapster
Skepticism whether it will last the week or not
Betsy is going to use it as a trade for her sister
Going for good grandma karma
Slowsky is in "Fair" condition according to Kelly Blue Book
They say Slowsky is a$2600 trade! Yeah right
Betsy getting it on in bill land
Stretching her fashion dollar
I swear I don't know what has been happening in our lives
Betsy is now shopping on QVC for clothes . . . what happened to us?
She's only 30, damn
Is it teacher wear?
Kris turns into Puffy Cuffs for a shopping smack down
Nothing is gonna match . . . wait it all comes on a hanger like a Gobot outfit
There is something that is happening that I don't understand
Spinning and crushed under the weight of a spinning black blob
An entire QVC universe
Betsy's other former old lady addictions and other diversions
Bingo with the blue hairs
Best place on earth, you can chain smoke, drink and smoke
"I knew I was out of my target age range when I saw the hypodermic holder on the wall in the bathroom"
Getting the old lady car
We expressed ourselves in the mid 90's and now we seem to be back living it again
The V70 looks like the old mid 80's Volvo wagon
Cute Swedish men in jump suits show up
Read her new post at Resale Queen
What is the age difference
The eBay lots that sit in front me off
Being cut off by a Prius (all Prius's except Mike's)
Volvo versus vulva

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Tags: Slowsky QVC Volvo V70 Puffy Cuffs Gobot

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 06:37:28 -0400

Croncast - 2006-09-08.mp3

Show: #272
Length: 29:07
Size: 20.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 8, 2006

No full intro today
Betsy starts making funny hand gestures
Her dog looks like the BBK
He looks like a spooky eyeless doll
His brain is like a wire that goes from his eyes to the back of his brain
Though he is the bright spot in our lives this week
Fancy stripper pole? I wish!
Betsy talks about the non-painted basement
The saddest daddy story of my daddy career
It's like selling junk . . . I love it
We all sit in the same spots
No switching sides of the bed
How can setting the table be bad?
Sometimes I enjoy the fact that you aren't around a lot
Maggie takes the plate for me and she put it by the basement door
Elliot set table and put martini glass out for grandma
Betsy is worried about Gigi not speaking enough
We'll clap for Googie, but she won't say anything that we want her to
Our collective hard-headedness is magnified in our children
"I'm not gonna do it unless I want to do it"
"The rules don't apply to me if you haven't noticed"
"That's OK I don't care"
Betsy cuts me off
Starts messing with me
Ahhhhh, he is a little boy
What is your deal?
Betsy meets with Elliot's teacher to explain petit mal seizures
They say the man is smart they say, we know this
His issue is organic
"He doesn't show right or left hand dominance," teacher. Really, of course we notice
Parental conferences
I'm a scumbag who lost their driver's license
This license is suspended business is out of line, makes us feel dirty
No Slowsky on the driveway
Betsy's sister is not appreciative
Iron shoes? You can walk on water with those?
The DPV at the resale shop
The Goodwill move
Kris is the funny and Betsy is my crutch
Walking into Henry's life . . . thanks for the rides to work cause my driver's license is (illegally) suspended holmes
What does he say?
Two great things about Henry . . . great driver and awesome story teller

Tags: DPV epilepsy driver's license Goodwill Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris May 29, 2006

Mon, 29 May 2006 09:53:47 -0400

Croncast - 2006-05-29.mp3

Show: #232
Length: 17:33
Size: 12mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 29, 2006

Super short show and no show notes today the show is all about Slowsky.

Also we forgot to mention during the show, but had a note to thank all of the people who have fought for this country and currently are. Thank you!

Now where's a veteran that I can hug?

The procurement of Slowsky in pictures from driveway to driveway by Kristopher Smith, novice.

This one deserves a caption. I got lost and Betsy wasn't happy about the delay in picking up Slowsky.

Tags: slowsky conversion van Comet Cafe Memorial Day Milwaukee

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 10, 2006

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 06:30:10 -0400

Croncast - 2006-04-10.mp3

Show: #213
Length: 36:35
Size: 25.1 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 10, 2006

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Show Notes

Betsy forces me to schlepp the equipment to the bedroom for the show
We did a 45 minute ong show that will never see the light of day
It will be placed in the vault
No one wants to hear two honkeys talk about immigration
The first sub-division garage sale of the season
No sleep for Betsy as she comtemplates the greatest day of the year
Tape versus stickers for garage sale pricing
The Rubbermaid bin is the ultimate garage sale impule buy
Free bins at garage sales
Garage sale ettiquet
Free stuff goes at end of driveway
Sales in Eden had bing at end of drive
Showing up too early
Betsy sees her people before the sales start (it is amazing to me)
Betsy not buying the store
I prefer my wife not buy a used breast pump from a teenager with studs in the fron of her face
They are Betsy's people but she can't deal
The eBay effect
The family that thrifts together stays together
Making the most of a day stuck at the store with Booba
Betsy lays out the Swedish Spaghetti (look for it later in the blog)
There is a new Croncast website which will explain the massive RSS downloads you've received
Thanks to Garrick Van Buren of First Crack podcast for the art direction

Tags: ebay garage sale Swedish Spaghetti thrift free bin