dude | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Dude From L.A., Proper Table Talk, Killates

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 09:12:59 -0500

Episode: #722 | Length:27:48 | Format: mp3

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Yelp can't handle it
People from LA
New Yorkers don't have attitude
Proper table talk
Rich dudes
Pretended to get the wheel stuck
That would be groovy pie
Who let him in?
Same psychographic
So you're back
Pilates is not very manly
Everything that you ever wanted to know about pilates
It should be called Killates

Tags: croncast best of 2010 funniest podcast longest episode

kung fu smack down - macy's parade

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 11:55:45 -0600

totally gonna bust this dude on his head

Tags: bust dude head gonna parade

Building Character, Lunatic Moment, Phone Cords

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:32:33 -0500

Episode: #677 | Length: 26:36 | Format: mp3

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Mommy, what is a phone book?
We had long phone cords
The animal skin rugs
You probably had party line too
Building character at Hardee's
Every kid should have a transexual boss at some point
Do you have a quarter?
I lost it
Full on raging lunatic moment
I out crazied the homeless dude

Tags: new twitter phone cords building character lunatic moment

T Partied, He Closed It, Three Strangers

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 22:17:01 -0500

Episode: #655
Length: 28:42
Format: mp3

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Three strangers enter
They meet
Two become friends
One goes home with something from the other
Drama ensues
I don't know who the daddy is
The guy was a pimp
Then . . . then . . . he was out pimped
The post I mention on the show - Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it. Cabbie couldn't hang
He thought he was going to rip us off
He will never mess with a midwestern dude again
I know why it happened
I'll tell you on Friday

Tags: ice t cabbie drama 10 90 mark suster

Season 26 Episode 05: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 22:02:31 -0500

Episode: #655 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:01
Format: mp3

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Tags: ice t cabbie drama 10 90 mark suster

NYC Creole, Sea Cucumber Defense, Wisdom Craters

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:18:15 -0500

Episode: #643
Length: 27:02
Format: mp3

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Speaking the Creole of NYC
2-times, 2-Times, 2-times
He was ordering food
Just hustling the Midwesterner
Late night in the ER with ERS
He held up
Sea Cucumbers as metaphors
More brothers and sisters
I'm fixed, dude
Negotiated dental work
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: sea cucumber vasectomy nyc creole defense emergency room

Season 25 Episode 18: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:11:40 -0500

Episode: #643 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:01
Format: mp3

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Tags: sea cucumber vasectomy nyc creole defense emergency room

Kris Wayne, Sweatband King, Man Makeover

Fri, 14 May 2010 17:35:49 -0500

Episode: #627
Length: 29:04
Format: mp3

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This episode is one of our funniest to date
Adversity makes a more comedic individual
Kris Wayne
Sweatband business
Sweatbands by Kris Wayne
Going totally fashion legit
We need to get you a make over
People just think you're angry
Like I'm a scary pirate
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: scary pirate angry dude Kris Wayne sweatbands

Season 25 Episode 02: The Croncast Shorty

Fri, 14 May 2010 17:29:44 -0500

Episode: #627 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:02
Format: mp3

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Tags: scary pirate angry dude Kris Wayne sweatbands

Center Pieces, No Baby Prize, Elope Now

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:20:27 -0500

Episode: #604
Length: 27:20
Format: mp3

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Fa Fa Fa Friday!
Great, great show today!!
Visualizing the date and month
On Facebook, right now
I never got to date her
I know that it is her birthday
That women is there
Well, happy birthday to the one Kris wishes he had
Making it out of a small town without having a kid is the grand prize
Anything after that is easy
Dating in the middle of Jersey
A minute is no longer a mile
A mile is no longer a minute
Totally upfront about getting it on with her
Is this a husband wife show?
You're my best friend at this moment
Good for you dude!
Total whore, total score
We're screwing around
Condomless
I will not be enticed
One that doesn't want to trapped
She totally wanted to catch a baby
If I were you I would have gone home and gotten a condom and come back
Can we get it back on dear?
I guess it is the Shilts blood pumping through my veins
That most blessed of all events
Getting hitched at 19
In a better universe you could come to my wedding
Just write a check
We could have done it up large in the Ozarks
Flip the wedding on it's head
Elope and go have some fun
I'm getting married . . .
Great . . .
Don't invite me
Find me a fat dress
Shiny to show off my creases
Damp white marks
Pay for it myself?
Yes.
We like the idea of rituals
It is the practice of rituals we're not so good at
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 24 Ep 04: A Sampling

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:06:11 -0500

Episode: #604 Sampler
Length: 4:10
Format: mp3

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Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Partner Whiplash, Full Facemask, Psychic Dominance

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:22:35 -0600

Show: #555
Length: 27:56
Format: mp3

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Being married to your best friend
You gave me whiplash!
I would charge $20 for that
The memory was priceless
Betsy gots paid to blog
She grabbed my hands
Told me she was a psychic
She was setting up the dominance
First you must be mind raped
You have to cooperate
He should chew on my hair to know more about me
I wore a pant suit
He tells me, "You're the type of woman that takes a lot of time with her appearance."
My job was wiping developmentally delayed kids
Not professional
I wore splatter resistance cotton to work
Success in a box
So why do I need to go see one, now?
You can't wear a full face mask in NYC
The bus driver wouldn't even let the dude on the bus
Tell me how I was freaking out?
He was wearing a rubber fucking suit
Maybe it was skeevey subway dude?
You win
You would prefer that I not work and pursue a comedy career
Why does that bother you?
My friends are jealous because you are letting me do what I want
But you're not
You, my lady, are comedian
You have this opportunity, you should take it!
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: psychic connections rubber suit professional blogger comedian face mask

Season 23 Ep 20: Croncast Sampler

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:10:43 -0600

Show: #555-Sampler
Length: 4:58
Format: mp3

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Tags: psychic connections rubber suit professional blogger comedian face mask

Doorman Wars, Overheard, New York Days

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 16:23:19 -0600

Show: #540
Length: 28:25
Format: mp3

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Getting it on
Dude, that was so smarmy
You should talk like that job interviews
That way you would get every job
How are you homeless and buying brand new stuff?
I got a family and Cobra
IT skills true
Contracts and Cobra are for me
Cement truck guy got my dog and benies
Garbage picking in NYC
That couch you're sitting on was free
The doorman battles
What sort of breed are these guys?
They sweep you with your eyes
They're unionized
Snagging late night coupons when the bodega closes
You don't give that away for free!
Her mom told her that
The boyfriend was not into it
Oh, you don't have a . . .
I overpaid now
You were pretty for a guy

Tags: NYC Doormen test cement trunk bodega lottery tickets

Streaming Player, Bald is Sexy, Queens Blvd.

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:59:31 -0600

Show: #538
Length: 28:07
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Comments are all moderated now
Due to massive amounts of spam that is coming in
Great news . . . streaming player is ready to use
Go to Croncast -> Click 'streaming player' -> Sign in -> Listen
The Nextel phone chirp chirp is like the construction worker Twitter
Maybe I have a stroller you don't know about
A total Manhattan business is man strollers
Man purses are not in the scope
They're totally off limits
He's a cross dressing pimp
And he also coos
Dude is wearing a full length beaver coat
You should hold classes at the annex for cross dressing pimps
Queens they should go with you
The battle cry for cross dressing pimps
If you made that sound in Queens something would eat you
Tumbleweeds and paint ball
The greatest Goodwill ever
As far as clothing goes
$1.69 a pound for clothing
You can pick up Diesel Jeans
I may like them but I need Mavi jeans
Those fit
Not Levi's or Wranglers
There are no Wranglers in Manhattan
Cuz no one sells them here
The fancy man pants get their own hangers and racks
Size 28 Bootcut Citizens of Humanity Jeans
Yeah, no one is looking for that
Well maybe somebody is but you can't price for that one guy
Huge blue troughs full of this stuff
Safe with a prison, police, needles
Totally safe because it's like Aurora, IL
We pass the Dominican greasy spoon
I want to eat there and you guys always choose the hot dog joint
Mc Dominicans is the name, not really
Eyed up on the luv train
Betsy can't get enough of these stories from me
Wanna party, giant?

Tags: luv train man musk wanna party giant queens resale nextel chirp

Season 22 Ep 05: Red Streak, Hamster Flu, Wackadoos

Fri, 01 May 2009 14:03:07 -0500

Croncast - 2009-05-01.mp3
Show: #530
Length: 32:06
Size: 29.5 mb
Format: mp3

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Online they're called trolls
In the real world they're called haters
Thanks for asking people to tell you something nice
You were having a rough day
Dude's can't call you beautiful
Why are you in public without your mask on?
I ended up with a red streak on my finger
Again!
Back down the sewer drain
No care for the scrape or cut
I'll be fine
Now my finger is throbbing and swelling up
Hello, urgent care
Attacked your meat hook viciously
Everyone in their was wearing a mask
All the wackadoos think they have swine flu
Stay safe while porking
I am worried for their mental health
They could have hamster flu
We're gonna be in NYC next week
Meetup on Thursday night 6'ish not sure on location
Will share that today

Tags: lemon lime gatorade hamster flu wackadoos red streak

Season 21 Ep 22: The Mexico Part 1

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:51:06 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-23.mp3
Show: #522
Length: 32:12
Size: 29.6 mb
Format: mp3

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Back from the Mexico
This here would be part 1 of a multi-part series
This is where we take you on our vaction with us
I think I've been drinking excessively
She sweats the daiquiri
For those of you caught up, you know that we weren't around last week
We were on Betsy's Wheel of Fortune vaction to Mexico
Best part - it was free
I'll get to the parts where you nearly broke down
Props on the plastic plants you bought
Excellent investment for returning home
Growing up in a silk jungle
Dusty cornflower blue carnations
These flowers are special
They will be here forever
At some point you know that your mother-in-law will show up
Thank you for admitting that you didn't want to go with me
You can't relax for your life
Right, I can't do it
My biggest concern was the webernets close at hand
I had to have wi-fi
And your gear
One laptop, a netbook, iPhone, Treo, Camera and tons of cables
There you are a big nerd
That's just the way that it was
I don't want to take him on a vacation
What happens if you don't have them and need them?
Getting on Facebook drunk is a bad idea
They have an international speaking doctor on staff
Mayan vs Spanish vs English
He had watched 6 seasons of ER
The Swedish Slenders came up with Continental airplane designs
Hulking massive dude in the cramped seat typing on a toy computer
The women sitting behind you Mr B inspired them
They had their own "Baby Daddy Con '09"
Loose women? Is that what you are trying to say
The entire flight "My Baby Daddy..." the entire trip
The way they talked about them you would expect their baby daddies to be titans of industry
Best job I ever had was working at the shrimp hut
Needless to say that they didn't have any kids with them
Was excited she got to run cash register
Maybe in 2010 Baby Daddy Con '10 will be on your next flight
Keynote speaker will address "fertility in tough times"
If Jeanie were here
We would have started drinking and laughed at the girls
The best in flight entertainment
I am fixated on the Mayan the thing
It's a cultural thing
Continental bathrooms in the terminals, good god
I needed a ladder to get down to the urnial to pee
Not on the plane, baby
They were out to make you out to feel like 7'5
Continental "Making you feel like a big man."
Mexican customs
Betsy comes to a complete stop and follows directions
Abiding by the rules while no one else is
Move it, chocha
Chocha is now my new middle name
Why didn't we plan for a ride to resort?
Jumping on the newbies
Look, fat people on spring break
Kris gets into protection mode
We roll outside to get on your Grey Line minibus
Only two people heading in our direction
The girls from Montana
We're out there chatting for an hour as we wait
They pull up in a baja raced VW Jetta
Us and the girls pile in
The driver waits outside reading the directions the girls gave him
Twenty minutes later he gets back in the car
Little did we know what was written on that paper
If they had given to me, I would have kicked them to the curb
Find out what was on that paper on Wednesday

Tags: Mexican Vacation Dreams Tulum Baby Daddy Con daiquiri mix chocha

i'm sooo chicago

Mon, 26 May 2008 16:21:51 -0500

the only thing missing is a chicago style dog and this dude could be the mascot for the city.

you gots a tuba, you gots a party. memba that.

Tags: gots chicago tuba memba city

chicago podcaster meetup at wbez

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:23:55 -0500

just joined the party here. some dude dominating conversation.

i have to pee.

Tags: vocolo public radio conversation talking podcaster meetup

Maggers and the dude

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:33:44 -0500

Maggie, aka Gigi, hanging with her favorite of the dogs, Zeus.

Camera is missing anti-green eye flash.

Tags: missing camera anti green flash

lunch with @internetcases

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:24:36 -0600

two dudes walk into a bar and open their laptops . . .

evan is stoked to be at his old stomping grounds from college.

he's showing me pics on flickr from 10 yrs ago in this bar.

Tags: bar showing college grounds pics

Season 19 Ep 2: Betsy's Birthday, Jeanie, Pizza Dude

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:58:06 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-09.mp3
Show: #448
Length: 28:08
Size: 19.4mb
Format: mp3

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Short show notes today . . . It's Betsy's Birthday!!
Things have been crazy here today
Special guest Jeanie (the real so late today)
Quality is a bit off for three mic set up
Sure it is a messy man pit
Betsy got the call to audition for Wheel of Fortune Chicago
Dear Intern, this is my childhood dream
Need a hookup with a sturdy llama
It's a casting call
Good luck baby
Jeanie knows what following Besty around is like
I wasn't following her for a Build a Bear
It was a Bitty Baby
No one knows the difference
That is playware
More on that January 19th
People need to know these things!
Sure they do, Betsy
Things like, your checklist for the bottom of a dumpster
The auction story gets cut short
Besty and Jeanie profess their lust for a rock star
Not sure he is a star
Jeanie went to a fundraiser with Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight
For Adrianne Curry's mom
She needs to make more money on her show
The party at the hotel
Jeanie's pizza guy dropped his stash
It was right on my foot

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Adrianne Curry Jeanie Christopher Knight Bitty Baby

Hulu for the Governator

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 19:34:51 -0600

In an open homage to the governor of the great state of California I plucked this from Hulu, Conan The Barbarian.

This flick shows Arnold's range and future governing skills. Look for a special cameo from Dick Cheney at the one hour mark, he was ripped in 1982. Just kidding. But I could swear he was one of the dudes with whip beating people at the mill.

Tags: Conan The Barbarian Arnold Schwarzenegger California Dick Cheney

Not because of Andrew Keen, but because of the medium

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:15:36 -0500

The winner for my attention tonight was 20+ minutes was the A&R Channel, ARC, buried deep in the Comcast On Demand menu system.

Don't get me wrong here people, I am lucky to have gotten out alive to write this.

What sits in the bowels of ON Demand is usually bite sized bits of crap buried five menus deep under a layer of mediocre software and a UI so thick that I loathe entering into it. It's like content quicksand.

Tonight, however, I survived and found something so awesome and worthy that I thought it was time to shout about it. In the Music section of ON Demand there was a button, link, what have you, that listed the A&R Channel. I pressed OK to select it (and so should you) and then paged to the second menu for Keen on Media. Clicked it. Then read the info on ARC: Andrew Keen (yes, that Andrew Keen) interviews Ken Hertz, a dude who makes a living as music attorney.

I guess the reason that I am so excited about this is that I watched a show that looked like it was a podcast. It looked like it came from the internet. It looked like it was playing from that Apple device that puts moving pictures on my TV set. And not to be left out . . . the content was niche. When was the last time you watched something on television and a guest said Web 1.0, Web 2.0 and Web 3.0 in succession? Never.

There sitting in front of me were the guys from the picture above, a media attorney and Mr. Cult of the Amateur, participating in the future of television; the marriage of IPTV, podcasts, internet shows, our television sets and the traditional distribution of cable and satellite programming.

So who's making it happen?

From what I can tell from quick research it appears to be Seth Shapiro or his company New Amsterdam Media. Does anybody know for sure?

Tags: A and R Channel Andrew Keen Ken Hertz Keen on Media Seth Shapiro Comcast ON Demand

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob