faith | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 19 Ep 7: Resale Queen, TV Lifting, HustleBuck

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:17:29 -0600

Croncast - 2008-01-21.mp3
Show: #453
Length: 27:14
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
The first show went up Saturday
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST
Wasn't painful at all was it Mr B?
Yes, it was
It was like every first podcast
Got to get used to doing it
High I'm Betsy HustleBuck
Number 42 for the Naperville Dumpster divers
Part of Local #42 Dumpster Divers and Junkers
You should ask the people come to their houses just to pick it up
I want to buy an AmVets truckload of stuff
Sure it would save you the sifting
You could get gold bars are used Hanes
Buying a truckload?
Disturbing
Asking me where you are going to put it . . . leaves hope
It took 8 years for you to ask
Join me on the dark side Mr B
Where do I sign up to be a HustleBuck?
I had my party last Saturday
Yep, your improv people were in the house
Natural reaction is to show compassion toward animals
You enter a home and the owners are there
It is instinct to be nice to their animals
No matter what they do
Zeus was not leaving any alone
He's like a cross between a Roomba and a guest that won't leave
Yeah, he peed on her
Of course he did
She touched his ears
Her highly absorbent sock was full
Offer her a sock
What?!
Is this a McDonald's playland
You need the dog whisperer
The vet said some dogs just do that
In the animal kingdom that is a highly desirable trait
He tells you how great you are by peeing on you
You should breed him and sell them to comedians
The mess that the dog left
You were waiting to see how close I was
I am surprised you shave the back of your head
Why is that?
Because you can't see it
Unintentional dreadlocks
That is the story of my life
Kris, you take too many photos of strangers
And then you get all weird with angles
There's always a magic shot
But it is weird
Not really
You need to not rat them out to management
I have to have some recourse Mr B
Yes, you can lift the TV
Baby, I can't hold it
It was like a Tom & Jerry cartoon
If he could focus I would have asked the man
Anyone would lose faith
Maybe you did save my life, Betsy

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: roomba Resale Queen hustlebuck improv party McDonalds Playland

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:32:16 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-25.mp3
Show: #367
Length: 34:11
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 25, 2007

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Bringing the intro
I got it this time . . . the original intro with emails
If my eyes were balls of lava your head would be melting
I noticed you've not called your parents
Listen, I got to call them from my cell
Yeah, the swing set needs to be moved on Sunday now
So you might not be able to make it out to your folks
And on Saturday Calvary Church in Naperville is having it's annual sale
I'll be there at 6:30 in the morning
Times are desperate Mr B . . . I gotta tear it up
I might just pretend that I am one of them for a discount
What are you doing here this early?
Are you a member?
Betsy calls the employees "scaries"
My sister witnessed someone trying to haggle . . . "You know Jesus is watching you."
What? Jesus wants your mega church to have 50 more cents?
So what is it you people on the circuit call the workers?
The church is one of those that preaches the prosperity crap and monetary wealth for your faith
I know how these crews work baby
You never know how Betsy is going to react
Yeah, I'm way far on the left and way far on the right
Sometimes I like to just watch people squirm
I'm sorry you have difficulty with me Mr B
I play the opossum role
Where'd you get that quarter?
I just have sucker written all over me
Reminiscing about Betsy's special wheel chair from last year
It got deep and deeper on her
It wasn't Jesus watching it was some super bad Unitarian karma
She started frontin'
What kind of asshole devil buys a wheelchair from Christians and then tries to sell it for profit the next day on eBay?
You?
The buyer ended up needing a part for the chair
But baby, would she have gotten the chair without you!
Do you know how much Karma owes me for marrying you, Mr B?
My key this year is to hang back and find the least scary of the scaries
They can have my soul
The big ball jar waiting at the end to capture your soul
Karma vs. Jesus . . . I'm a Unitarian we walk with Karma
I just want to talk about this
You wake up and tell me that if I ever cheat on you will kill me
"You cheated on me in my dreams"
When I cheat on you in a dream I pay for it for three days!
WTF baby
It wasn't sex with a random hussy
She manipulated you from across the room
So I didn't have to go home for lunch
He is mine!
I laid my claim early!
I looked upon the sea of men and said which one of you is strong with a weak constitution
Someone that doesn't make sense like I don't make sense
The goat story is classic
Yeah I get it but there is a time and place for that story
They have a greater appreciation
What it was like going to doctor and they make small talk and then you tell them you work for the other side
Everything changed
It was a job of respect . . . never had one of those before
Burning cars in Naperville

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Tags: Calvary Church in Naperville Croncast Cronies Jesus is watching you dream cheating vehicle fires

Vacation: Act #1 Naperville to Omaha

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 05:59:32 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-12.mp3

Show: #235
Length: 37:05
Size: 25.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 12, 2006

Thus begins our sharing of a vacation that ended 5 days early. We are not quite sure that our big summer vacaction driving to Denver in Slowsky was really a vacation. But we are sure that we will never drive anywhere on vacation again.

What we can say about our trip is that with the help of many lucid memories and five days to regain our footing on solid ground that we would like to bring your our trip in three separate podcasts. There is too much to share in a single 30 to 40 minute podcast that deserves great attention to detail.

What do you call a thousand mile trip in you wife's savings account? If you're us, show prep.

The long, feel good intro
Sending email easy like
When we last left you it was June 2 of 2006 a millenia ago
Things were much simpler then
H.G. Wells Time machine could take us back
Walking hand in hand with your spuse at the beach
I would have liked to have decided not to go on vacation
We should have flown
Short version, we leave, there's trouble and we come home five days early
Here we go
We're going to rcap the whole thing in 3 shows
It is June 2, 2006 in nice and sunny Naperville, IL
Kris is an hour late and damned Skype showed it to Betsy
Moments of our life are really important to you
Betsy pretends that she is me on Skype sometimes
The planets seemed to be aligned for our trip
The eBay pick-up guy got here right on time
Naperville was going to be hardest part with traffic
Driving Slowsky is like launching a boat
An hour and a half later w'ere making 8 miles of progress
The van is too tall for most drive thru awnings
Slowsky went to the dealer and got $1500 of repairs to travel worldwide
This is the point where you start adding up the costs
Gas doesn't count as vehicle maintenance
We finally make it to I-88
Slowsky is topping out at 70 mph with nothing more to give
First omen . . . we ignore it
We're gonna make it to Omaha
It wasn't a shifting issue but I am pushing Slowsky really hard
We get near DeKalb which is 50 miles from home and think about turning it around again
We push on
Betsy says "no" to my lead foot and thinks the 70 mph thing is good Slowsky is sucking gas and needs refill at 180 mile mark, still in Illinois Another omen Kris starts venting that we should have flown at gas station number two
"I drove the Alaskan Highway and need a new car."
All the signs were there
It was our decision to keep moving on
Not true to Betsy's faith
Dinner at The World's Largest Truck Stop on I-80
Maybe it is safe because it's a tourist trap
Nope, it's a 3-D world of a sex offender registry
All just minor inconveniences at this point
Bleeding money out of my eye balls
10 years ago this would have been an adventure but with kids it is a nightmare
In Iowa they drive on the grass
Not a single room vacant
Pulling off on Omaha hoping for an empty hotel room
Scoring a room 20 miles north of downtown
10,000 lesbians converged on Omaha the same day as our vacation, of course

Coming up on Wednesday . . . Vacation: Act #2 Omaha to Denver

Tags: vacation Denver John Elway Dodge Naperville Omaha Slowsky thetrip

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:00:06 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-24.mp3

Show: #219
Length: 33:22
Size: 22.9 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 24, 2006

You haven't bought me a present in a while, like three years
Kris went all out one year
Then we starved for three months later
A fistfull of testers from a dumpster for you Betsy
Smelling like a $10 hooker
I'm good and Betsy is great
Betsy has a first
The My Twinn foot hanging off the Goodwill rack
Maggie's like, "No no no" body shake
If Maggie could learn her orangutan moves she could do Clint Eastwood movies
Kris doesn't know what My Twinn dolls are
The pulse of my own heart in my ears
80% of Betsy's Goodwill posse is continually questioning their reality
Betsy had to evacuate on Saturday
Goodwill is cheaper than going to the laundr-o-mat
The Diet Coke gets opened
Yet another chubster addicted to Diet Coke
Designing a doll to look just like your child
Sending in the profiles of your child and they put the head on the doll
Moles, freckles and all
The doll hospital
Technically it would be murder if they replaced the doll head
Where can I send you when I am dissatisfied
Betsy had to check herself
Send a pic of Elliot with a pic of Maggie and ask them to combine them for the head
Michael Jackson's black or white video
Googie looks like my mom
Doll pricing follows the call girl market could be sold on futures
I don't understand paying for sex
Betsy is uncomfortable talking about this subject
I've been propositioned for garage sale money
Betsy had her own garage sale
She leaves in the middle of her own sale to go to others
Strangers coming to the door asking "How much?"
Buying from your neighbors
Tracking your childhood through your mom's eBay history list
Honey if you miss it I'll find you another one next week at a garage sale
Selling Legos a pound at a time
Audio quality is up, I am really happy, let us know what you think
Elliot's got an electric guitar out of the purchase
The opporunities that I never had is what I want for kids
If you've got it, it's ok
The first step to Republicanism
What are they paying for . . . social programs?
Putting your kids needs right on top and first
The blue house memories
"I like this house, it's bigger and I like walking to school. When I get old Maggie's going to bury me in the backyard."
Kris never moved as a kid
Transients moving in and out when I was a kid in a small town
Kris busts out small town speak - "druggie"
Missy is the other colequial for a teenage mother
Faith or Hope or Diamond or Princess
Euphoria
Kris won't tell when his vasectomy date is
Funding your lifestyle with 8 kids plus
Watching Big Love - Kris says, "Bluh. I don't get it."
Betsy says, "Sopranos Salt Lake style."
The gnats attack
I just saw a gnat fly between your glasses and face

Tags: Goodwill My Twinn Republicanism Michael Jackson FirePod

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 161

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 07:29:46 -0600

Croncast - 2006-03-20.mp3

Show: #205
Length: 35:51
Size: 24.6mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 161

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Show Notes

Coming from studio "A" at casa de smith

From my phone:

Betsy is UU - Universalist Unitarian
Her faith was waning
Affirmation was to follow
Betsy's $6.00 donut
Veggie Tales for non-hardcore Christian
"Your had was possesed by the devil."
The kids have it right
What about a more kid oriented church
McDonalds targeting kids
Branding, playgrounds, get'em while they're young
The born-agains have the same plan
What would you say to someone who tried to give you McDonalds food for a dinner party?
Megachurches do so well, not because they don't smell like meat and dirty childrens socks
"Why you gotta be hating on peoples invisible airplanes?"
Putting pizzaz in your Jesus pants
Betsy's split personallity
Libertarian on her left shoulder, George Bush on her right and her right in the middle
What happens when you tell people you do a podcast
If you don't know what that means you aren't down with God
Maggie is evolving into a part of Betsy
How would you know
The Maggie faces - she can throw them
The cattle elevator
Kill you with a look and it makkes people nervous
It looks like the Devil came into her skeleton

Enough of the Christian metaphors, if you've ever listened before you know we are not in that camp and if you haven't listened before our philosphy is to make up your own mind.

Tags: christian mcdonalds megachurch faith