first | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 25: The Audition, What's Next, Life in the Can

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:03:55 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-18.mp3
Show: #500
Length: 29:13
Size: 20.1mb
Format: mp3

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Last time I have to listen to this!
You know you like my voice, Baby
I am surprised you are not crying
It's like a Hallmark Holiday
I just wanted to make sure we hit 500 shows
Back in the day with the old gear
Doesn't it seem like you are creating more work?
Not really
Transitioning into something new
The new show is "Life in the Can"
You can get the new shows at www.lifeinthecan.com
Three days a week still and a weekly best of the three shows
The first show will be released Thursday June 27th, 2008
We're excited about the new show
It would be rad if you and I could work together
Getting paid to do the shows would be great
I went to Jeanie's house last night
Cracking open the hand carved lesbian door
No crumpled up High Life cans
The Eden like backdrop
Deer walked right up
She had deer prints on her roof
Training ground Santa's deer
Getting them presents for the house
Populating her yard with beasts
Show up and build an Arc too
Betsy "Noah" Smith
I get wait to Zeus out there
You had a part of your E Hollywood True Story
The Improv dinner theater audition
I purposely didn't tell you this, Kris
What?
Where the auditions were being held
Ok
Where was it?
At Culver's
Oh, Baby
Did you get a milkshake afterward?
Your first audition was at a fast food restaurant
It proves you want it
It's embarrassing but it does prove you want it
I'm proud of you
Most people wouldn't have gone
What's more uncomfortable than going to open mic night?
Listening to open mic night stories
We have no context for this
How did it make you feel?
Maybe she is a biker
Going out on a high note
Thanks to everyone for throwing in their support for the show
In the effort to Keep the Archive Alive
That would be funny
No it's not
Thanks for listening to everyone
Whether it has been 500 or 12 shows, thank you
We've had a great time doing the show
The new show is, Life in the Can - www.lifeinthecan.com
You just can't end it Mr B! Can you!
Keeping you happy three days a week with a bonus
Thank you for letting us entertain you.

Tags: iPhone Life in the Can LitC High Life Hallmark Holliday

Season 20 Ep 24: Cousin Kris, Painters Cap, Nothing Is Level

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:28:11 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-16.mp3
Show: #499
Length: 22:52
Size: 15.7mb
Format: mp3

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Keep the Archive Alive goes on
$25 of support gets you 2 DVD's with the full archive mailed to your door
Drop that Archive Support at the site in any one of the banners
It is all about the Interwaves
The photo montage of the father's day trip are up
Look in the blog for the story
Soften up the crow's feet
Geez, that bag, what is she 33?
I don't know if Rock of Love is comparative to competitive improv dinner theater
The afternoon jamboree
Much like licking a toilet
"Cousin Kris!"
The first Casey's we stop at
Hey, I know you
No, I didn't know her name instantly
Hoping for it fire into my brain
Turns out to be cousin X
She's of the normal branch
But the odds of that
Not that great
Running into someone buying smokes
I just don't want to get there
I know, Betsy, you were driving 45 in a 75
Never thought we would make it
Creeping ever closer that sucking vortex where you grew up
It is an area of decay
Dilapidated nothingness
If you were a pizza deliver guy you would deliver to houses with siding
The rest are wrapped in Tyvek
It looks like depression
We tried the town route
Elliot is asking why it is abandoned
Yelling why doesn't it look like home
Two taglines
"For Rent"
"Rent to Own"
You wouldn't let me take the best photo
It was the award winning shot
It was beautiful
The transient neighbor
In a wife beater, smoking a cigarrete, talking on his phone in a NASCAR painters cap
And . . . And . . . his white wolf dog on the steps
Nothing is level there
I fell down 77 times
Growing oriental poppies
Couldn't believe it
Save me from this
And you walked away
Everyone walked away to leave me there
The scary compound
The old ass car wasn't as bad
Always had the perspective that there was someplace else I needed to be

Tags: white wolf chevrolet graveyard interwaves abandoned small town

bmx plate

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:51:36 -0500

this was my first bmx plate circa 1981. like many of the other things around it has also fallen into some disrepair.

Tags: bmx plate disrepair fallen first

Season 20 Ep 18: You know, you don't have to call her your friend anymore.

Wed, 28 May 2008 12:43:20 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-28.mp3
Show: #493
Length: 28:21
Size: 19.5 mb
Format: mp3

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Good grief we are back
Thanks to Betsy for showing back up
You come back from San Francisco wearing my clothes
Up sidles a Wrangler wearing Milwaukee chick
She's checking me out
Of course she is
"So what are you doing in San Francisco?"
"I'm here with my friend."
"You don't have to call her your friend anymore."
The spandex blend is alive and well
You can look at Iowa from behind and know it's Iowa
The smell of Dubuque jumps off
The hills and the highway
I drive better than those taxi drivers
Don't look forward
You check carry on bags?
Yes, need to keep her creams and powders
The vacation schedule
The romantic cruise
We just wanted crab
The Russians followed me from Goodwill
Our waiter wanted to argue
Today, today it is my first day
Crab comes with nothing?
No one comes between Jeanie and her side salad
Dungeness crab is a mud spider
She called me a hot mess in Cantonese
We end up at a tea shop in China town
White hippie chick running it
In sweeps hippie number one
She's totally a trust fund baby
Character after character after character
You can make tea from anything
Why didn't you stop and ask a homeless person?
I didn't realize you were green with dots . . . what the hell do you have?
Mr B, this is my town though
I knew it once I stepped off the plane

Tags: San Francisco Tea House dungeness crab wrangler pants

the best day ever

Sun, 18 May 2008 15:25:34 -0500

i know right?! it is oozing out of these two.

i think this might be the first time i have ever asked them to sit together for a photo.

get used to it kids. this won't be the last time.

Tags: photo together used kids won

Season 20 Ep 16: Sellers Hate Hoarders, not the Game, Golf Stance

Wed, 14 May 2008 07:20:58 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-14.mp3
Show: #491
Length: 19.7
Size: 28:40 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Betsy "Classified Ads" Smith
That is your new name
You're like silly putty
Let me see your palm
I guarantee that their is an ad transfered to it
Did I see a Happy Mother's Day Classified ad?
Nope
Did I sleep on a floor for you?
Mr B I am going to kick your ass
I don't want to hit golf balls
Then I win by default
You are very competitive
My brilliant delightful wife made it rain golf balls
I thought it would be like a coffee machine
I wanted a cute paper basket with a handle
The second of the idiots is now here
They should put up a sign
There was a sign I am sure
Based on how you played it should be bright pink
You are so full of crap
I couldn't put my arms around you
Resting in your schwetty palms
A boy at the disco
You missed the ball completely
Then I got it dialed in
I was the winner no doubt
The driving range isn't on my to do list
If you had one we would have been doing the next
I am a bald man, I don't need to be sleeping on carpet
The divets on my head were too much
I won't make you sleep on the floor
Call you Betsy "Lemon Juice" Smith
This is my super bowl weekend
Where is the sale this weekend?
Bears, 23 consorted sub divisions all at once
They have a consortium of sub divisions?
Yes
Betsy now reads the classifieds
Leaving your boxes on the driveway
Somebody is going to steal them
UPS picked them up
Are you sure?
What are the rules?
You show up first and the item is your's
They might share a bag Gardetto's
You have done this to her
Bird Lady I am going to get you
I am going to walk around with

Tags: silly putty classified ads sub division consortium

harold & kumar first showing at 4:20. coincidence? I think not.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:28:13 -0500

i wonder is this was part of the marketing for the movie?

If it wasn't, someone should take credit and get promoted to 1st assistant coffee getter.

Tags: promoted credit movie st assistant

Season 20 Ep 7: Koi Pond of Death, Kipp, Horticulture Authority

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:01:19 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-18.mp3
Show: #482
Length: 26:40
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Kris is all business all the time
I am business baby even when I sleep
You're on Twitter 24/7
I was dreaming about API's
That is why I slept through the earthquake
Why you should be like me
Fifth graders would listen
It is like dreaming about math
What parent wouldn't say, "I would like my kid dreaming about math"
You can't negative criticism
The survey we ran for one year
The likes and dislikes are finally available
It's not that
"He laughs at nothing"
The laugh is used to fill in the gaps
Go back and listen to the first few shows with gaps
No one is addicted to your laugh
I say addicted to laughing in general
It is good for you
Adam Curry released some demographic data
So with that I will release all survey that we did later today
STICKERS - first 10 people to send me their address from the contact page
GET - a sticker
Swearing was a thing we did a lot of
We've gone through iterations
Your mom draining her tub
My options were here or next to the sump pump
The outdoor work began around here
Anything I try to do never works
We know this Betsy
The neighbor's chemically altered grass
The grass is smart it knows not even to cross property line
Raised timber bed
Longtime listeners might remember the coi pond
The koi pond of death
I hire them to clean up the yard, remove some timbers and edge my mulch
People that run their own business have psychological problems
They do it because they can't get a normal job
Anybody can be a landscaper
Kipp's Lawn Repair
Kipp is name of death
Just says drug habit
I ask him for a quote
He's a horticulture authority
You could sell his rotten lumber
ReplacementDeckParts.com
That should be your next business
Green has become a scam in many ways
AAA1 Steve
Are you bonded?
Yes, I've posted bond before
Oh, no
That sort of happened with the Comcast guy
He'd done time
Or as he said, "I did a bit"
He hadn't seen his kids in years
That TV would fit right out that window
I got my eye on them
I don't trust them ever
Betsy is soo like Daniel Day-Louis in There Will Be Blood
Upton Sinclair wrote the book just for you
Would you quit junking for $1 million?
I couldn't do it
That would only last you 3-4 months, Kris
Right, 50ould go to the divorce
Banking where you used to live
You mail stuff to your bank?
Well, it's an hour long drive

Tags: Koi Fish croncast stickers horticulture authority Upton Sinclair Daniel Day-Louis

Season 20 Ep 6: Yesterday was tax day?

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:03:01 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-16.mp3
Show: #481
Length: 25:10
Size: 17.3 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Sorry for the late show . . . long day. Now I gotta put the kids to bed.

Enjoy the show!

Updated show notes
I think the people know what year it is
I am your enabler, Kris
Your workaholism is what i enable
The day after tax day
Didn't you see me freaking out?
Not really . . . you kept saying we have to file an extension
Taxes should be due on a Friday
Not a Tuesday
It should be a floating holiday?
Yes
This is the first year in 3 years we don't owe the IRS any money
I will never understand the IRS ever
Co-owner of a company that lost quite a bit of money
Listen, Rush Limbaugh
How can my company lose money and the feds give me money back?
The tax code is crazy
The other fabulous thing today
It felt like a tele-novela
I got to Goodwill and they were throwing someone out
It was the first time ever
He is the reason we can't pick off carts
I walked up to the china
It was sparkling at me
Get the order and buy service for 12
$20 a plate and $12 for the salad plates
Well, you weren't tossed out
Who would be pulling in as I leave?
Another Replacements.com seller
When did this lady show up?
She is a new Goodwill character
I thought this was just the Russian chick
No, she is diminutive
You're a junk consultant
I can tell you when I am 13

Tags: iphone att Betsy Smith Croncast Kris Smith

Season 20 Ep 2: Tijuana Jellies, Rent a Goat, Living Through Kids

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:27:16 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-07.mp3
Show: #477
Length: 33:02
Size: 22.7 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: TBD. Stop by and buy them a drink or two!

It's like having naked people on web site
Sure, it is nerd porn
If you had a math site
You could put up a really hot formula
Don't open your eyes it will make it real
Big weekend and Betsy alone time
I found out alone time is overrated
I love the kids but I didn't miss them
Normally when I am alone, I am with Vicky
That means you are not alone
You guys spend too much time together
Something like that
Betsy you watch Vicky
Security has your picture up on the wall
Did I ever tell you about Vicky almost being kidnapped?
No, you never have
But it explains a lot about your relationship
Vicky is going to get a goat if she moves to Virginia
That's is like having a girlfriend in Canada
"I have a goat in Virginia"
Rent a goat
Yeah, they call them petting zoos
I just want a goat petting zoo
Tell me about the kidnapping story
Was my mom baby sitting you?
Vicky was in the cart
I was cramped and pushed in underneath
I looked like a giraffe in a VW
She is 2 1/2 and you are 7 1/2
This woman grabs Vicky
But she is stuck
You know how kids get stuck in carts
Sure maneuvering them out
She was panicking and pulling
My mom lost her mind
What are you doing the whole time
I was like whatever
The woman runs out of the store
My mom's first reaction was to yell at me
Not call the cops
I gotta sit down so low to see the cereal
I don't know what it is
Get the hell over it
You are crazy
Your sister must think once a week what my life would have been like
Divorced with two kids
Lifetime movie moments
Jesus Christ, you look like a victim, suck it up
Mom picks up Vicky and says, "Run!"
I lied about my size them
It was expensive in California
I had to wear Jelly shoes 3 sizes to small
I begged my mom at a dollar store
Sure your Tijuana Jelly Sandals
There are times when you can't afford shit
Standing in line at the Louisiana post office
So for Christmas they shipped me chameleons in a box
They arrived not alive

Tags: Jelly Shoes Mexico rent a goat parental reaction pup pup

We've arrived at our first destination

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:42:25 -0500

Ah, the aroma and excitment await.

Tags: excitment await aroma destination first

I've got a new blog

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 09:20:40 -0500

I've got a new blog! But you have Croncast, Kris. What gives?

I realized a couple weeks ago that all of my nerd talk on the Croncast blog about RSS, API's, photo blogging, affiliate programs and the other tangents doesn't really suit Croncast all that well. Some of you are interested in that stuff but others of you could care less. So I am spreading out!

My first new blog is Talking RSS, http://talkingrss.lokwat.com. Where I can fill my quota of geek for the day by talking about RSS.

Tags: Talking RSS photo blogging geek quota lokwat.com

welcome to denver

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 12:32:12 -0600

mr brown and I have arrived.

lunch first the a couple meetings.

Tags: first couple meetings lunch arrived

Season 19 Ep 20: Ant Races, Co-working, Apologies

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:56:49 -0600

Croncast - 2008-03-03.mp3
Show: #467
Length: 18:12
Size: 12.6mb
Format: mp3

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Man!
First off, apologies for not getting the shows last week out.
We are close to reaching a stasis in our lives
Balance is needed so that we can get the shows out on time and back into our routine
Oh, boy
Little tension here
I am really interested in co-working type of setup
Rooms for rent
That isn't the same
What do you need space for?
What people like about co-working aspect is similarity
We got stuff in common
I don't want a cubicle
I used to spray paint when I was a kid
Ant races

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: spraypaint colored ants saddles website building apologies

Season 19 Ep 19: The Mr. B's, Conspiracy, School Stories

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:38:19 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-25.mp3
Show: #465
Length: 33:15
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

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I'm busy, I got things to do Mr B
No replacements.com did not sponsor the last Resale Queen
Avenue for Revenue
You should use that your service
The road to cash is paved with stoneware
The cartoon, thank you
It's not funny
I don't need to take look or a photo
It's like you are Mooney
The 1980's kerfuffle
How often do you ask yourself, "who owns the building I am in?"
Are you going to play cops and robbers in the afterlife?
They have diversified in weaponry
Designed and patented his own handguns
I don't know any of them
You are crazy
Are you a Moonie Kris?
I am way undercover
Betsy volunteers weekly for Elliot's art class
It isn't volunteer anymore I am requested
Even as an adult I am afraid of the principal
Now they will punish my child
You have issues
What?
He touched another girl inappropriately
What happened?
The only job of a principle is to make sure school district doesn't get sued
That could be true
The whole "gun" hands on the playground
That's true
What happens at the private school?
I went to a Christian school for first grade
No way!
Let me remind you I skipped a grade
How could I forget
He kept guns in his office

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: iPod kerfuffle racoons christian school sheep barn

Born to podcast and new mediaize

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 09:20:27 -0600

I was looking around kristophersmith.com, my other blog, and found my first blog post "Soo . . . this is Wordpress?"

"I am very interested in the ability to add my own audio blogs also."

That post was about 6 months ahead of the beginning of podcasting. And when I thought it was cool to write like a robot.

I didn't know that podcasting was in the works, but when a colleague introduced me to it in October 2004, it was time to get it on.

Tags: Kris Smith new media podcasting RSS kristopher smith