garage sale | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Legless Junker, iPad Love, Birthday Booze

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:21:46 -0500

Episode: #612
Length: 29:00
Format: mp3

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Fixing the iPhone streaming issue
Apple is tough on this
One day it just quit working
I feel like the worm in the Apple
I have a new enemy, Kris . . . red wine
I've seen you use a Night Train bottle as a pillow
Can you just breathe in my face
Birthday party and free booze
You lack control
Drinking with the ladies means sleeping on the bathroom floor
You are 34
That is too classy
You can't throw up in front of the baby sitter
Your pillow next to the bath tub
5 feet 9 and your feet are hanging out into the hallway
If I took a photo people would think it's a crime scene
The last time I got that drunk . . .
Please, do you hear yourself
Well, you're not a lady
Love hanging with the nerds
You can't bring McDonalds in the cab when you're gonna puke
We were like two Hummers walking down the sidewalk
Chatting with the baby sitter
I love your iPad
I am going to wear the same clothes out tonight
After I spray myself with Febreeze
Back to Illinois
Garage sale times
He passed me
Legless junker
The 1995 Barbie was the prize
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: birthday booze baby sitter iPad love legless junker custom scooter

Season 24 Ep 12: Croncast Shorty

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:07:32 -0500

Episode: #612 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:34
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: birthday booze baby sitter iPad love legless junker custom scooter

Season 21 Ep 11: The Kitty's Gone, CarMax Sale, Kelly Blue Book

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 12:14:43 -0600

Croncast - 2009-02-11.mp3
Show: #511
Length: 33:56
Size: 31.2 mb
Format: mp3

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This show brought to you by Affordable Promotions
Pick a post, any post to leave a comment
You can leave a comment for our 2012 shows
It's a whole new internet that I developed on my own
Valentine's day is 3 days away
Buy you love an "I love you baby USB drive"
You gave me the best gift ever Mr B for Valentines Day
Conversion van jokes search this site for John Elway
I read a thread
Ping me when you're ready
So you're reading this thread about CarMax
Supposedly they pay close to Kelly Blue Book for car
Saved by a bucket of chicken
Selling a car privately
Was much to worry about
The slow drive-by in the Ford Explorer
It's the same person
I've been to that garage sale
The same Velma
That would be Vonda
CarMax gives you an appraisal
So we go for it
The Volvo will be sold
Picking it up after detail
The car knew
The dash lit up with warnings
30 minutes later all good
We decide to get both cars appraised
Well, Kris' gift?
The photo above says it all
Trunk full of auto parts and a mechanic strapped to bumper
But we still did something that Dave Ramsey would frown on
Hit up the casino last week
It felt really good to be really bad . . . on a budget
What is so hot to ladies about a man that plays the tables?
No oxygen tank

Tags: Jaguar CarMax appraisal Kelly Blue Book Dave Ramsey

Season 21 Ep 02: Africa for the Weekend, Oprah taping, Cardigans and Plaid

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 12:30:41 -0600

Croncast - 2009-01-14.mp3
Show: #502
Length: 35:56
Size: 33.0mb
Format: mp3

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This show brought to you by Podiobooks.com
Is that why you are wearing what you are wearing?
You got me this
Right, from the Greek Orthodox garage sale
From hefty to hot
Not hot in my heft?
These are some things we need to discuss
I checked out this cardigan
Then I brought it home to you
Then you put it on
That was four months ago
You haven't taken it off since
It's my man cardigan
I always wear my gear
My wardrobe is devolving
You are not hairy enough to pull off the look
I know that i don't have enough hair
This shirt comes in with built in boobies
A flannel bra in my case might work
Jammy bras
The people want to hear about Oprah
Sure they do
You never know who could pop by Oprah's studio
I could get a Kindle
We drive to Harpo Studios
Based on Grammy's address advice
It's gonna cost to park here
Too much snow this year
Everyone's gone back to the old country
It's 4:30 a.m.
Where's Harpo Studios?
Huh?
Turns out we were 10 blocks off
Just look for the 50-foot tall flashing Oprah statue
I thought it was on south Michigan
It's far away from where you are
They don't put up with anything
The Oprah rules
Handheld facial scanners
They make sure you can't get in again
Drama just getting there
The warm up chick shows up
She's lame
I could have killed it
So I got the opporutnity to speak
It was my shot to get my mom on the show
I love this
I made them go wild in warm up
They brought me a boom mic
Held by a girl named Boom Mic
4 minutes to show
This woman in the front row starts puking
Oprah went all diva after her first segment
Oprah, are you going to let your hormones be the excuse not to lose weight this year?
Damn!
That reminds of me of my trip last month
The one to Drew Peterson's cul de sac
Stuck in a snow drift
Feeling dirty
Why would you stalk a serial killer?
You are so stupid sometimes, Kris
What?
You would have went with me if you knew
No
Well, I wouldn't have gotten stuck

Tags: Kindle Oprah show Harpo Studios Drew Peterson flannel bra Handheld facial scanner

Season 20 Ep 20: Photos, Old Shuffling Posse, Professional Tic

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:25:15 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-06.mp3
Show: #495
Length: 30:25
Size: 20.9 mb
Format: mp3

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Oh, the 2008
Comments on the photos
I'm a what?
You're a good amateur photo taker, Bears
I never made it to the sweetest Goodwill in the world
When was that?
San Francisco, it just wasn't meant to be
Look at you all up on the Oprah stuff
I got my eye on those celebrities
I knew today was going to be a great day
Because the Lutherans were having a sale
Garage Sales are euphemisms for "Party on the Driveway"
You were benevolent enough to babysit
It is either a ghost or an alien in front of me
You should be so lucky
Space Ghost!
You can convince me of anything
I got to the sale kind of late
The guy from the furniture tent comes out an yells
That we can hop into a new line that is shorter
I was torn
They can have stuff in multiple questions
I think you will reach a point, your peak of sales skills
We should freeze dry you at that point
Then revive you in the future when the dollar is strong
It will be like a time machine
Betsy, you bring it
The dollar is still strong with the Lutherans
Double check the luggage later
I stand in line to wait for the dishes
I need my fine china fix in their housewares sections
I brought bags and I have adrenaline flowing in my limbs
Oh, look, Christopher Stewart
This is when I started to look like a nut
Started?
Slow shuffling old posse arrived
Those match my dishes
I love those
Are you going to buy those?
I am now just to spite you
You wasted my time with your story
They're rookies baby
You are con-garagies
They send the 12 year old anemic boy to help me carry stuff
She's now a professional tic
She went and bought speakers from Farm and Fleet
I love it, speakers from Farm and Fleet
I am sure you are related to people that duck taped their heads That is the truth
Duck taping down his pants
Especially when fired up the chainsaw
The tape suit
Class issues really stand in your way Mr. B
"Transvestite's getaway car ran over good Samaritan's foot"
Words make the world magnificent

Tags: Space Ghost Farm and Fleet speakers Lutheran sale Naperville

took @resalequeen up on her offer

Thu, 01 May 2008 18:21:31 -0500

it's been over a year since i've gone to a garage sale with betsy. sometimes it helps to placate my queen with my bearly presence.

Tags: placate helps queen bearly presence

Season 20 Ep 8: Husband in the Bubble, Carbon Dioxide Vampires, Nock

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:14:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-21.mp3
Show: #483
Length: 38:15
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

One day to Earth Day
Elliot has been telling me about the poor suffering pandas for ten days
He was telling me the acid rain was burning the pandas
Which was causing them not to have babies
He asked me if I knew what trees were
He's so much like his mom
He says, "Trees are carbon dioxide vampires"
I told him that would be a great band name
He didn't get it
Two worlds collided
You bought this badminton set at Goodwill
At a garage sale
Well, it came from out of the house
Husband in a bubble
Whatever you had taught him was wrong
Proper badminton form
Let me show you
What? What you learned at La Moille badminton school?
I can't believe you tried to describe this
What the hell are you talking about?
Your boy cannot do overheard
Oh, baby
I won't even listen to you and your un-athletic skills
It's good he's not you, Kris
He just doesn't get it as I am trying to help him
You're a like a lion in the grass
Look at that birdie fly
He can't hit it back and forth
I wanted to work with him
And you wonder why he doesn't want to play with you
You are a weird nerd jock hybrid
You're a NOCK
He'll have flash backs
Badminton is where business gets done
Watching his badminton future crumbles before my eyes
Don't send the hate mail
I get it
I need to engage with him on another level
He's going through a growth spurt
He's 7 asking if the weather is changing
Sensitive to barometric pressure
Taking the kids to lunch
Ted's Montana Grill
Ted's Buffalo Hut
There is nothing more environmentally friendly than buffalo farming
What are you saying? Twice as much methane
Maggie is all about it
Elliot looks at Ted's Bison Hut
Looks left and says, I just want Subway
"I won't get a bag of chips with my burger"
Wanted to do something a bit special
He says, "Dad, I don't like fancy. I like Goodwill and Subway."
Half the time he is working on bits
What's 10 minus 8?
I think you owe me $2, Mom
I get to the foreclosure/divorce house
Ring the door bell
The laundry basket was longaberger
It was like you designed the house
There was a beautiful chandelier in his bathroom
He wanted $1,800 for it
Then he says, "I paid $23,000 for it."
They make excellent copies of this at Menards
Then, Mr B, there it was
I became the sucker
Do you like the table?
It happens
How much do you want for the table?
Well . . .
I paid $12,000 for it
This is a garage sale
The table turned to fire when he told $2,300
Can you grab me something out of that crystal wine in the box holder
It was so McMansion
It was like he was trying to get on Cribs and it didn't work out
Same outfit as yesterday
Because he is single now

Tags: Longaberger suffering pandas acid rain Ted's Montana Grill McMansion

Season 20 Ep 4: 11 Days, Drew Peterson, Elevator Pitch

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:34:53 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-11.mp3
Show: #479
Length: 26:37
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

I is swamped my people. Show notes take another on the chin. If anyone has the time to put some show notes together for this episode feel free to and send them on I'll put them in here and give you a huge shout out, like, where I say your name loudly.

Shout out goes to BigJon - super player and show note maker

Show Notes:
Croncast intro
11 more days to Earth Day
Dry crocodile skin
Welding company hand model
Cooking show video
No wrist bones
Fitness routine
Armchair critic
Addiction to nitrates
Living ex-pat life
Aversion to guns
Comments on moving
House hunting in SF
Good schools and Thrifty Republicans
Drew Peterson on Larry King
Looking in the woods near us
Stacey Peterson signs
Police officer son
We got 911!
Baloney sandwiches with mayo
Year of guys in our area to murder their wives
Divorce reasons
Big insurance policy
Follow the news trucks
Scumbag
Watersealing basements
A-Town van, one eye, mullet, and prison tats
Would have given him a shot
Don\'t marry that guy
Heavily medicated shoe salesman
Temper tantrums
Who liked him?
Panic attack
Other perspectives
Missing a leg...last shot
I won
Wow, he looked me in the eye!
Garage saling
Un-employed babysitter
30 garage sales
Love garage sales by default
Kris must love you
Horrible at math
No more baby shit
Garage sale notes
Legalized gambling
Know your people
Capri Sun + Toddlers
Melting down silverware
The gay doctor
Crap in the dining room
Barb and daughter china junker service
Croncast outro
Coming to an end...

Tags: iPod Bolingbrook best laugh elevator pitch share croncast

It's here! The Resale Queen Podcast

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 16:08:47 -0600

We managed to crank out Betsy's first Resale Queen podcast this morning!

It took me about 7 hours to get everything in place - feeds, graphics (more to come) and general audio editing. The first shows are usually the hardest.

The show's focus is on resale issues and happenings in the resale community. I had no idea that there were 'happenings' or a 'community'.

I'll be co-hosting the show with Betsy every Saturday with some special guests mixed in on occasion.

The show will be released by 9 a.m. CST every Saturday morning for your junkin' days.

Tags: Resale Queen Betsy Smith Kris Smith Goodwill eBay garage sale

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 08:21:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-11-02.mp3
Show: #428
Length: 30:52
Size: 22.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 02, 2007

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It's Tell a Friend Friday
Tell your people, people
Switched up the intro
Added Podcast.com as a place you might get your podcasts
Check them out
Happy early birthday to Mark
He needs a cold turkey quit smoking partner
You up for it Betsy?
Does he have someone in Atlanta?
My birthday is then seven days after
Right after our three year mark
We'll be doing this until the wheels fall off
I get worried about our archive
Yeah, can't you just burn it to disc
Final paycheck from the day job came in today
Today was the contract execution date
So many things had to fall into place
We talk money and situation for a bit
For those of you who don't like this stuff skip ahead to 14:08
Many people have been in our shoes
You better get a job Mr B
It's already not been nice
We said we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore
However, it's all be got going on right now
It is what takes up our waking hours
That's your problem Mr B
It's stressful
Yeah, we could end up moving . . . highly likely
Very little is going on here in Chicago
Not a leading edge city
The coasts are full of rocking gigs
Looking for jobs that are in wrong category
I found 10 different ones put away like this
Next is to contact the recruiters on these sites
Newly revised resume in PDF format (Yes, I know address is missing in this version)
Check it out
Though it's the same as my Linkedin Profile
I've had lots of people on this resume
Everyone is telling me that this will take longer than
Every time we talk about money it makes people crazy
Don't bother sending the hate mail
What do you want for your birthday?
Don't even say
Health insurance?
I have health insurance for us through January
Could this be worse?
Yes
I have contracts, things I can't share
It's up to listeners to fill in blanks
Dating the show
Part of being smart is that you should hate TV
I love TV Mr B
When you say kerchief it sounds like crew chief when you say it
Your references are all 80's TV
I am breaking into a new garage sale area
Hinsdale, a swanky Chicago suburb
Betsy puts the stereotype lifestyle
Kris finally tells the breast feeding plate story
The mosquito fogger driving down the street and chasing it
Breast feeding was the best time of my life
If you have healthy children
I will buy you your own plates, Betsy
With correct hair, eye and nipple color
You're gonna get me a titty plate?
You just don't bust those out that awesome
Oh, man your mom, Kris
You have no more awesome stories
I watched Three's Company
You watched Titty Plates

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Tags: Franklin Mint Breast feeding plates Kris Smith Resume Podcast.com mosquito fogger

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 24, 2007

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 14:21:18 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-24.mp3
Show: #401
Length: 32:40
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 24, 2007

Here it is.

Man, this day has been nuts . . . going to make an effort to make it less nuts! First step will be to remove more crap from computer and second will be to get out of the basement today and breathe some fresh air.

Show have fallen victim to fresh air for today. Blame mother nature ;-).

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Tags: bitty babies garage sales american girl dolls David Hochman rabbit stew

Best of Bits Aug 08, 2007

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:58:29 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-08.mp3
Show: #395
Length: 29:44
Size: 20.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 08, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Things got crazy around here and we weren't able to cut some more shows . . . so instead I used a bit of what I was working on to put a today's show together. While you are listening I'll be on my way to Seattle.

What's that in your yard? - 11:01
First worm farm - 10:37
Garage sale bunny smash - 3:52
1979 Monte Carlo - 3:50

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Tags: Monte Carlo worm farm pet goat bunny smash best of croncast

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 08:00:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-02.mp3
Show: #381
Length: 29:36
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 02, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Short show notes today
Sorry that Friday's show sucked so bad
And sorry that this one kind of sucks too
The replacement gear for the UA's sucks and I hate the sound
It just can't compare with the stuff we previously used
I will keep experimenting with it to get a better sound
Betsy busts me out for my lawn experiment
I am comparing Scotts to Scotts but different styles - seeds vs. fertilized filler
My money is on the seeds
Kris busts Betsy out for her picking up smoking again
Betsy sees the writing on the wall with her eBay garage sales
Prices in Euros and not dollars
Fisher Price 970 bear
And Betsy makes fun of my tan socks and lawn mowing shoes

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Tags: Scotts turf builder lawn experiment betsy smoking garage sale prices fisher price 970 plush dbx 1066

The route 34 garage sale

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 10:04:00 -0500

Preface: The only reason for this post is the massive amount of traffic coming from Google today from people searching for this sale.

The mother of all garage sales, competition to the Great American Yard Sale, is coming June 16 and 17th. Which will make Betsy really happy. Miles and miles of folks selling their, well, Betsy and differ on what to call it, but for now I'll compromise and call it used inventory, by the side of US Route 34 through Illinois.

Tags: Illinois great american yard sale highway sale used inventory

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

Betsy and her husband Kris May 30, 2007

Wed, 30 May 2007 07:15:59 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-30.mp3
Show: #369
Length: 31:29
Size: 21.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 30, 2007

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Send an email like Betsy's uncle Denny from Poland
He had to get it to you to get it to your dad
The older he gets the less he wants to talk to people
I'm all for it . . . I'm 32 and I could quit talking to you any day now
I left a huge patch of grass when I mowed
It looked like a gorilla had escaped and pooped in the yard
I am at such a lower level of chaos than Betsy
Though you never talk about it you are the queen of chaos
Little dead dog doing little deaf dog stuff
Betsy needs her own posse at all times
I need a goat herd Mr. B
Monday's show was abbreviated
Kris had a mantrum
That wasn't it
Betsy's evil gene is kicking in
Recording this show during the middle of the day is weird
It's the opposite of sex
Kris . . . just stop
Nobody wants to hear about that
Betsy is going to babysit her sisters kids
Betsy lays it down about the scaries at the Christian garage sale
They opened early . . . like days early and didn't tell Betsy
Creatures of habit
Tell them about Sunday Mr B

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Tags: mantrum Dennis Shilts church garage sales creature of habit little deaf dog

Betsy and her husband Kris May 23, 2007

Wed, 23 May 2007 07:57:18 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-23.mp3
Show: #366
Length: 34:37
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 23, 2007

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Kris tries to take it back to 2004 and fails
The old school intro
Things have changed for the better since we've been doing the show
Someone actually sent an email with that in it today . . . being able to hear the difference
You've never had respect for me Betsy
It will only grow when I see the gravel pit that you crawled out of
You're worried about what Elliot will say about the dead cars in the yard
Someone lives in that house?
Yes, that's where I grew up
The house is the size of our finished basement
Kris, it was the size of a double wide
My little house used to be a warehouse
The great La Moille fire and our house survived
As the story goes . . . it was started by a train derailment in the late 1800's
The trailer office next to the tallest building in town, the grade school
You could see Chicago 120 miles away on a clear day
Kris you were looking at West Aurora
Civil war reenactment town historian nut
Did he do the glove thing?
Was it a scarred nub beneath?
No, I don't think he was the engineer of the train
I grew up around some scary characters
Good thing they had him work at the school so people could keep an eye on him
It was like a pig roast with my extended family . . . Keystone Light and firearms
You were packing heat on family outings, Kris?
No the extended family
So it was like Civil War done better with upgraded military hardware
Betsy tells another great vet story
I am beginning to think that vet offices are great place for material
Is it possible for a my cat to fall in love with my dog?
The cattle call vet . . . it isn't a prestigious appointment
The cat is binge eating because it is depressed
"Why are his lips so ugly?" mother-in-law asks about the cat
Turns out that little deaf dog has a blazing ear infection
"How to do you tell if your dog is deaf?"
The arthritis medicine, cholesterol medicine and diabetes diet weren't working that day
Deaf dog now has some pep in her step
Betsy . . . I didn't know raisins weren't candy until I was 7
So what happened to you, Betsy?
God, this girl had Lik A Maid . . . cool aid on sugar stick
I said to myself when I am an adult I am going to buy a candy bar every day
Red Bull + Lik A Maid = Garage sale power drink

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Tags: Lik A Maid Keystone Light cat dog lovin Garage sale power drink tallest building in town

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 07:09:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-21.mp3
Show: #365
Length: 33:43
Size: 23.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

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New intro/outro music . . . something from 2005 that I never used
Think of it as looking into a pool of water
I'll ask the audience to do the intro with me at the live show
You are pure saccharine Mr B
I'm the guy that the ladies date and I tell them I'm gonna marry them
Was Elliot born when I was making pizzas at the gas station?
What was that timeline?
Then you started making pizzas
Wasn't even in a place where I could get a job at a gas station
You want me clap for you because you are making pizzas at a gas station?
Motivation for really moving on . . . being called a loser
"I just want a job working with computers"
And look at me now!
Yeah, your forehead has burn in
That was one crazy time in our lives
I like how you set me up tonight
Oh, yeah the cell phone message
The IRS is finally coming?
Nope it's an invite to hang with Kris's family
Oh, you are such a drama . . .
I didn't say it . . . you are putting words in my mouth
That makes you a bad person Betsy
That is really unfair
I was expecting you to just hang not even listen
But yet the social worker in you piqued it's interest and you had to listen
If you want to go, Kris, it is fine with me
Asked the man if he wanted to see where his dad grew up
I know how this plays out
"We can take pictures"
The corvette will rumble out of the garage
The part of Kris that wants to trust them will come out
The Sopranos and my life
You are talking about your mother
Oh, god . . . somebody fast forward
If you need help . . . go and get it!
Setting boundaries is a good thing
Yeah, I have "sucker" written all over me
And second, if you family wasn't the way that it was we wouldn't be together
The muted male point of view of what happened in his life
I was born, I had sex for the first time at 13, I graduated from high school
The start of the first time I touched something
I had the skateboard from Sears
It was a fat one, not that thin shit
So you were now riding that around in the gravel
Interesting happening on your Route 34 45 mile long garage sale
We lived at the Lake Holiday not Sandwhich
That is a long way for garage sales
I do have to think ahead
The don't have anything post-WWF
Everything is so cheap
Mark those free and put them at the end of the driveway
You are going to attend event
My cellphone is at the bottom of my purse under dirty diapers and crackers
OK daddy I'm not going off the path
ADHD under control through bugs
Our grill that caught fire is taken for salvage by brother-in-law's pops
Oh will I miss last summer's fiasco reminder to clean our grill
Kris will get rid of it
Taking pictures of ourselves . . . shit, we are fat
It was that point of looking at them and realizing that those people are us
We can't take pictures of ourselves at any angle
I look like a grizzly bear trying to hump a rabbit
My stomach doesn't stick out that far . . . no, it's real . . . it does
In that photo she's lifting up my shirt
There is no plus that can come of it

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Tags: Lake Holiday Route 34 garage sales Croncast Live post WWF corvette

Betsy and her husband Kris May 18, 2007

Fri, 18 May 2007 07:22:15 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-18.mp3
Show: #364
Length: 25:44
Size: 17.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 18, 2007

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Tickets for the live show in Naperville July 8th will be ready 20 minutes after this post
The comments are getting light
Look at what I bring to this show
Kris please don't put "farm animal antics" in the show notes
It doesn't happen to other people it happens to us
Yeah, the searches are out of control
Some people serious help and the internet tells me so
Today's top search result might make you sick
Put down your sandwich, coffee or beaker
I am not going to type it in the show notes . . . these 9 words will change your life forever
It's not sexy or anything, it is rather gross and I can't get it out of my head
Here it is . . . now listen to the show at 3:28 to hear it
It's just gross . . . and why put "fanny" in it
It had to come from an old man, a dirty old man
The proper term from his day as not to offend
I don't get it
Kris I don't want to talk about it anymore
I do think Betsy
I've been married to you for 10 years . . . you rarely think
The search result came from something that had the words in it
Betsy is reaching a level of zero success and possibly negative at this point
I've been telling you for years to stop working with the subdivision people
The treat my baby like crap
These people don't want you around
They are all a generation ahead of us
They make jokes about things . . . they must be bands
The block party is coming
Give me a paper and it will take me two minutes and I will lose it
I signed on for the newsletter Mr. B not record keeping
Their is this weird power struggle going on with the home owner's association board
Weeks and weeks to come together
Lack of Betsy putting out the signage
No once cares more than a week ahead of time
Can you make sure she checks her email
This is your abusive relationship . . . your Lifetime show, Betsy
He is a very weak president
I don't get it . . . don't put that on his tombstone
The prior conversation that puts them at odds against Betsy
Open invitation to join the board
You should have gotten up and left Booba . . . called them on the carpet
Doing it all by yourself
This is our bunco
Coordinating not to bring double desserts . . . are you kidding me
Every subdivision party is drunken daddy's walking around with their coolers
This whole thing is dram for you . . . I am sorry for you baby
Betsy passed her first hurdle in the race to get her real estate license
She's got skills from all of our experiences buying houses and the legal issues
The semi-exploding furnace that left us cold for 3 weeks in 2003
What should I do with my live Mr. B
Liz is coming to garage sale with me
You raised me to be a beast
Betsy's suburban burnout
Garage sale wisdom

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Tags: block parties suburban burnout farm animal antics search terms home owner's association

Betsy's got competition

Tue, 15 May 2007 07:12:44 -0500

Who knew that there was another Betsy Smith in town? Sure out of 150k people there was bound to be some repetition but I'm not sure if Naperville is big enough for two Betsy Smiths

If the other wasn't an officer of the law I would have recommended a stroller race or garage sale-off between them.

Tags: Betsy Smith Naperville Daily Herald stroller race

Betsy and her husband Kris May 07, 2007

Mon, 07 May 2007 08:28:32 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-07.mp3
Show: #359
Length: 26:58
Size: 18.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 07, 2007

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Croncast is now Twitterified
Betsy wants to add it to her Resale Queen blog
She's afraid of blogging
Mother's Day is coming
Betsy has her own present lined up
If that doesn't work out she wants time . . . alone
Betsy is leaving the house on Mother's Day weekend
You're the only one for me
Avoiding holidays is our schtick
Maybe it is time for a divorce
The Build a Bear box tagline . . . "Where best friends are made."
That should be the tagline for the Bunny Ranch show on HBO
The Moonlight Bunny Ranch show . . . I can't even watch the preview
Strippers who couldn't jiggle their hips end up on the ranch
They are nasty, women who give boobs a bad name
I am not going to argue with my husband about why prostitutes are valued people
I am glad that you don't like prostitutes Kris
They need the tagline to help tell their story
Currently there is no story other than what you see . . . johns and hos
You're dad has been on Montell and I have met Geraldo, we're holding it down
Betsy has no judgment for the ladies
I want the story
Kris! I'm guessing some rape, beating, some low self-esteem
From hookers to kids
Elliot is cracking us up
Dad you need to be 18 to oder it . . . can you call for me
Aqua dots are made from chemicals, bro. They will kill your sister
Kris says no way to going to help the stray dog
Betsy takes much offense
If it will happen to anyone it will happen to Kris
I schlepped from McMansion to McMansion all weekend
The kids are slowing me down
I tricked you Mr B and got you in the car to garage sale
Yep, I was with you but I didn't get out of the car

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Resale Queen castlock and twitter Buidl a Bear box Moonlight Bunny Ranch Geraldo

Betsy and her husband Kris May 02, 2007

Wed, 02 May 2007 07:19:03 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-02.mp3
Show: #357
Length: 26:22
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 02, 2007

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What are my moobs and dairy snakes worth? Let us know above in the banner with your support.
Listening to all the past shows . . . the archive
This massive dusty library of reel to reels
No one has response to that
"Hey it reminds me"
The biggest ass houses in Naperville
The McMansions facing the river
They had the reel to reel at the garage sale
I'll just wait for it to show up at Goodwill
ZZ Top on reel to reel . . . big money
The support to keep the server alive
We got mugs to send
Kris starts the plug and nearly puts Betsy to sleep
Support can also be cumulative and you can work your way to a mug
I've seen what people are getting
Little deaf dog goes for a jog
There's the mother-in-law side of the story
There's the son-in-law side of the story (the truth)
Saving the dog like driving the General Lee
Kris doing yard work and getting the kids out of Betsy's hair
No Betsy, I haven't ever had worms . . . sorry to disappoint you
You got them from eating your fingernails
The eating of the skin off the side of your thumb
"Betsy stop eating your hand"
Elliot and Maggie picked up on it . . . they learned it from you
It goes on

Send your support: $50 bucks gets you an autographed Goodwill mug. More amounts to come.

This money, btw, is going to server costs to keep the show up and running.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Naperville McMansions little deaf dog dairy snakes ZZ Top reel to reel General Lee

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 07:21:19 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-30.mp3
Show: #356
Length: 32:01
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 30, 2007

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What are my moobs and dairy snakes worth? Let us know above in the banner with your support
A little guilt borrowed from NPR
What is one year of Croncast worth to you?
That is one 32nd of a server payment
Wrapping Kris in postal tape to make cleavage
And Betsy will sell access online
What to do with the show
Have all the girls . . . women that Kris dated
Especially when they bring their 30 year old kids
Gotta keep Kristine in tube tops
Made from truck tire tubes
Sapp Bros. on the corner of Plank Road and I-80
With my hot coffee came a hot flash of snatch from Mr. B's past
Something nasty probably happened to your coffee
Which one was this? What! Which truck stop ho was this?!?!?
We ate the truck stop all the time . . . either there or hardies
Who was she?
She's the one who grew up and worked at a truck stop
So what do you bring with you from your youth?
The chicken chute checker
Besides your emotional baggage
These are Kris's jeans from 20 years ago
We had bunk beds
No I didn't have the Outerspace mattresses
We had cheap bunk beds
The kinds you could take apart
Cutting the legs with a chainsaw to make them level
This way . . . two equal beds
Happy belated birthday brother, though you don't listen
Karma was kicking Kris's ass this last week
Even today it has been harsh
It must have been the poking of Unitarians
Well, Mr. B . . . I washed and dried your video iPod
Yep
It looked normal for a second then it started to crackle and the screen turned white
I wasn't going to tell you
Hey, kick me while I'm down . . . one in a long line of things
Life altering events all week long
Well now Mr. B you can run down to Wal-Mart and get a foPod
I'm sorry that karma is kicking your ass . . . but my week has been awesome
Let me check my watch for the karma shift
(What ensues are short show notes for a great Betsy story. Watch the beverage drinking in public . . . I kid you not.)
Betsy turns her mom out . . . garage sale style
Little deaf dog in a bike trailer for grammy
Cruising the McMansion subdivisions an Saturday
It's a Schwinn not a Burly
Another Dutailier Glider
Somebody's baby is stealing all those shoes . . . oh Gigi

Send your support: $50 bucks gets you an autographed Goodwill mug. More amounts to come.

This money, btw, is going to server costs to keep the show up and running.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Dutailier Glider Sapp Bros I-80 karma kicking my ass McMansion subdivisions support the show

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:19:58 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-27.mp3
Show: #355
Length: 31:51
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 27, 2007

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I did touch your garage sale money today though
Gigi wanted to pick it all up
The dog could have eaten it
I would make you pick it up Mr B
It could have happened
That's Betsy's baby
Since she's become a more cognizant being
Kids reach that certain stage where they are different
Before two they are like blank Play-Doh
Liking babies more than toddlers
Almost like you have a pal
You're busted baby!
Except I'll have boundaries and rules
Right, at garage sales even if Maggie sees it first it is still Momma's
The parental manipulation
Talking your way out of a speeding ticket
He broke the Smith law
Betsy joining the the Russian Court of Assassination
It is behavior based
He's a repeat offender
Lead footedness . . . does it make me a bad human being?
Yes, it does Mr B
Life is flexible
I feel sorry for you
The better manipulator you are the more successful you'll be
Betsy using her cunning at garage sales
You are asking the world to be flexible and then you get on my case
Doing it up for the home owners association
Betsy steps in to run the garage sale
The pestering late comers
Betsy attempts to will other garage sale posse to knock on doors before they open
Her own garage sale breakdown
Sold 200 things and made $100
Grumpy no food in the house husband showing up
Selling all of your crap that didn't sell on eBay to other people who think they scored a sweet item for resale on eBay
If it has been here for three months and I hadn't touched it . . . it went in the sale
Yes I sifted through your stuff while you were gone Mr B
Recording all the addicted garage salers
They have already made the decision to ruin there own lives
Tailorbyrd shirts from Mr B . . . one will end up on eBay
Someone can buy it Kris and use it as an afterglow mop
We've thought about how to make money with the show for a while
Solution . . . the tip jar shall return

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Naperville garage sale lead foot Smith Law Betsy Smith Kris Smith