gravel | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

she also says . . .

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:08:59 -0500

that this one is good but not quite as good as the gravel road.

hoop ballast

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:46:27 -0500

i told you folks the honest truth on the show that a bag of quickcrete, used tire, top 10 feet of a TV antanae and a Wal-Mart basketball hoop were my gravel driveway pride.

this remnant stands as a testament to this story. i had forgotten that we had written our names in it. check out that sweet "Kyle".

Tags: hoop remnant stands pride driveway

Season 19 Ep 12: Shoe Thief, Mini Bike, Off the Compound

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:14:12 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-04.mp3
Show: #458
Length: 30:15
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

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Super short show notes
What turned Kris into Kris
They had addresses in my town
I could start my mini bike
What was your helmet made out of?
Helmet? Who are you kidding
Gravel, feral cat drag strip explains a lot
You shouldn't tell people that
It's ok cause I got two babies
You should be doing man kegels
The story of how you came to live on the corner by the highway
Bondo is the smell of my childhood
Writing you diabolical plans on the side of a semi truck isn't a good idea

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: mini bike personal space shoe theft semi truck art feral cats

Season 19 Ep 11: Walzer A., Buffalo Days, The Coffee Drinker

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:51:22 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-01.mp3
Show: #457
Length: 26:13
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

About the Wednesday show
We were recording and the phone was ringing off the hook
Call from Walzer A
So this is Wednesday's show
Yeah, it was your sister calling
Brother-in-law lost his job
And the three mother hens showed up at his house
I did not envy him at all
It is getting more and more crowded in this boat
Your mom told you that you need to take care of this
I couldn't think of a more depressing situation
I wouldn't have come home
I would have went out at 8 am and got a beer
Where? This isn't Milwaukee
I would have waited that shit out
You are telling me that I am a born leader
I was telling myself that I glad you all weren't here
This is how it goes down in my dysfunctional family
My entire life I have had to be the man
What?
You shoveled in the middle in a snow storm
You can't even tell you shoveled
Doing it repeatedly doesn't make sense
At 4:30 am our neighbor fired up his snow blower
Ridiculous
Some men wake up with motivation, Kris
What would you do if it were a chainsaw?
Then he started cutting down trees
Well, hell he was motivated
Oh, baby
I tossed pup pup in a snowbank
What for?
To send to the TV station
Are you serious?
Well, I did send it
The auto response email was "Thanks for sending to KABC 7 Los Angeles"
Your snowy dog will be on in LA
You dogs suck
Jorge would be restricted to humane society
Ass end up in a garbage can
That is what we should have called the Resale Queen show
Yesterday, I almost slipped and died
Good things that dumpsters are heavy
How come they don't shovel by them?
I am going to open Dumpster Land
A theme park for you and your people
The dangers that you face everyday
It can't be packing peanuts
There is no Calvin pissing on nothing
What stickers would the truck have?
Did the new trucks ever roll out to La Moille?
I though i shouldn't ask because it would be sad
There was a time that they did come out
No one can tie a knot in this town
Ending up in the county jail
Swanson's baby
Onions in the peas
They came to town for Buffalo Days
The quaint small town festivals in movies, lies
There's no tax base to support that
Basketball game in a gravel pit
I grew up across from a buffalo pasture
Did you ride buffalo instead of ponies?
Did they chain them to a claw foot tub to slow them down?
From kindergarten to graduation at 14
Let me run the tilt-a-whirl
I would be right there
Ending up with a corn cob in his bibs
Might be dangerous but in a small town that's fun
Being pulled on sled behind cars
Watching the console in a lawn chair
I have sat in the back of a Chevy and bounced across fields
We didn't do donuts in a Wal Mart parking lot
It was a small town
Ok, K-Mart
That would have been a 30 mile commute
I know you rode in the back of a pickup truck on the way to a K-Mart
Yes, I did
CB radios in those days, figuring out who the coffee drinker was
Your mom would have a handle

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: buffalo snowy dog LaMoille Resale Queen sledding

We made it! At the auction

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:19:32 -0600

Walking in a heated machine shed in the middle of nowhere on pebble gravel.

We'll see what Betsy scores.

Tags: pebble gravel betsy scores nowhere

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:55:45 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-28.mp3
Show: #439
Length: 22:14
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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The posts are posts
The most totally Gary email
"I'm in a village where people go to die"
"Someone couldn't wait and died on train"
Life itself is a destination
Mr. B is all happy
You've made it someplace
Yeah, void before it started and void when it ends
I knew you would turn it around and make it negative
When I was hit by a truck I learned this truth
Sure I flew 30 feet
How do you know you flew 30 feet?
There were witnesses
In the country?
No, it wasn't the country I was in town
Kris, could you keep farm animals in town?
Yes
Then it is the country!
I can see the bike-a-thon
Ride you big wheel around the block, pig bbq, oh someone is dying
If you are windshield smudge before you are 10 you're not a smart one
The banana seat bike catapulted me
I can see your dad measuring 30 ft
Right, everybody in town carried a tape measure
Is there a point to this story
All, I am saying is life is your destination
Live it while you got it
Lawn chair collectors
That's a hotel chair
Gigi starts yelling
We're all on the edge of our seats, Kris
They got into rc cars
When you are not the one being farmed?
The human condition means we are all farmed
Mr B
Betsy explains how it is done on the farm
I had gravel but there are many a boy that would want gravel over grass
You can be negative all you want
Today is the greatest day ever Mr. B
I am dressed in my sloppy best
Betsy takes us way back
Is there ever a need to dress up in your world, Betsy?
No
I say the same things to you
Once you understand this story you will understand me
The broom story from the last show didn't do it?
Betsy tells a story that I have never heard
Her dad bought his wife a car
We drive out to pick it up from a country driveway
It is parked behind a convenient store
It looked like it belonged in your father's yard
It was three different colors
No class, no style but it had balls
It was the original hyrbrid
Dekalb Ag car
She was disappointed
I was 15 and drove all the time
I didn't want to go get a license
It was a formality, detail
As long as I don't leave his subdivision I could get out of it
And I entered a 4 way intersection that turns out to be a 2 way
I hit a girl in a little pinto
My friend said, shit you're 15 you won't get your license until you are 21
My evil side takes over
I realize that she is 16 and doesn't know what to do
This is when I take over
We shouldn't call the police
We can let our dads talk and take care of it
The rest is history
This is possibly Betsy's funniest story ever
You are going to be a scary adult

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Tags: Pinto my dad small town fundraisers big wheels banana seat bike

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 08:16:14 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-26.mp3
Show: #438
Length: 32:06
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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Your dad sent an email from India
He wants to know what a 'post' is
Any content that is in the site
Kris commenting on Besty's cooking and sharing it with the world
I want to talk about the convalescent home that you knocked over
Where do you get clothes like that?
Betsy's Thanksgiving redemption with turkey dinner number two
Betsy role plays the judge at our divorce proceeding
We didn't share that
At Costco, because it is the only place I can shop
What are we here for?
I was in charge
How about we do another turkey?
Getting right back on the horse
Betsy avoids conversation
Somebody's gotta keep a cap on that stuff
All berries are the same
Not my Barry he's special
I cannot stand watching love scenes on TV
They all creep me out
It's even worse when they are elderly
Referencing the list
Betsy is wound up
Behold, this is what our listeners want, Kris
Made by hand by Goodwill Industries employees
Everyone could use them
And we get to pick the scent
How are the commuters going to hand that on the train?
On the antanae of their Treo
The nice thing about the air freshener is it keeps on giving
Very interesting, I'll take it back to the committee
Dino from improv university
He can get them cheaper
Brought to you by the people who brought you Aquadots
I did a photo essay, live blog or our Goodwill date
Photos start here
Watching you was like watching a manic woman
It was an experience
No one needs hot food
It should all be warm
I will own a restaurant someday called "Warm"
We were being followed
He was working downtown Naperville
The guys was a thief
Sure, Kris, he was just shopping
Not so close behind me
Maniacally stirring your hot chocolate to cool it down
Sure, when Whole Foods opens
More like Boulder every day
The man was up to something
He was undercover officer, Kris
He was picking out people who didn't fit . . . and it was you
Does his fleece say "North Face or REI?", no captain
Follow that man
Book nerds are the original nerds
The Bolingbrook thing is ooking me out
Yes, that Bolingbrook with Drew Peterson
The missing Stacey Peterson
In the last week I have gone by 3 groups of people looking for her in the woods
It is strange, simple strange
How your first memory impacts your entire life
What is your first memory Betsy?
Hitting strangers with a broom while they sat in circle
You are crazy
I poked my cousin in the head with a shovel once
You played basketball in gravel

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Tags: North Face Aquadots air fresheners hot chocolate Bolingbrook Petersons

Betsy and her husband Kris May 23, 2007

Wed, 23 May 2007 07:57:18 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-23.mp3
Show: #366
Length: 34:37
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 23, 2007

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Kris tries to take it back to 2004 and fails
The old school intro
Things have changed for the better since we've been doing the show
Someone actually sent an email with that in it today . . . being able to hear the difference
You've never had respect for me Betsy
It will only grow when I see the gravel pit that you crawled out of
You're worried about what Elliot will say about the dead cars in the yard
Someone lives in that house?
Yes, that's where I grew up
The house is the size of our finished basement
Kris, it was the size of a double wide
My little house used to be a warehouse
The great La Moille fire and our house survived
As the story goes . . . it was started by a train derailment in the late 1800's
The trailer office next to the tallest building in town, the grade school
You could see Chicago 120 miles away on a clear day
Kris you were looking at West Aurora
Civil war reenactment town historian nut
Did he do the glove thing?
Was it a scarred nub beneath?
No, I don't think he was the engineer of the train
I grew up around some scary characters
Good thing they had him work at the school so people could keep an eye on him
It was like a pig roast with my extended family . . . Keystone Light and firearms
You were packing heat on family outings, Kris?
No the extended family
So it was like Civil War done better with upgraded military hardware
Betsy tells another great vet story
I am beginning to think that vet offices are great place for material
Is it possible for a my cat to fall in love with my dog?
The cattle call vet . . . it isn't a prestigious appointment
The cat is binge eating because it is depressed
"Why are his lips so ugly?" mother-in-law asks about the cat
Turns out that little deaf dog has a blazing ear infection
"How to do you tell if your dog is deaf?"
The arthritis medicine, cholesterol medicine and diabetes diet weren't working that day
Deaf dog now has some pep in her step
Betsy . . . I didn't know raisins weren't candy until I was 7
So what happened to you, Betsy?
God, this girl had Lik A Maid . . . cool aid on sugar stick
I said to myself when I am an adult I am going to buy a candy bar every day
Red Bull + Lik A Maid = Garage sale power drink

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Tags: Lik A Maid Keystone Light cat dog lovin Garage sale power drink tallest building in town

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 07:09:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-21.mp3
Show: #365
Length: 33:43
Size: 23.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more
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New intro/outro music . . . something from 2005 that I never used
Think of it as looking into a pool of water
I'll ask the audience to do the intro with me at the live show
You are pure saccharine Mr B
I'm the guy that the ladies date and I tell them I'm gonna marry them
Was Elliot born when I was making pizzas at the gas station?
What was that timeline?
Then you started making pizzas
Wasn't even in a place where I could get a job at a gas station
You want me clap for you because you are making pizzas at a gas station?
Motivation for really moving on . . . being called a loser
"I just want a job working with computers"
And look at me now!
Yeah, your forehead has burn in
That was one crazy time in our lives
I like how you set me up tonight
Oh, yeah the cell phone message
The IRS is finally coming?
Nope it's an invite to hang with Kris's family
Oh, you are such a drama . . .
I didn't say it . . . you are putting words in my mouth
That makes you a bad person Betsy
That is really unfair
I was expecting you to just hang not even listen
But yet the social worker in you piqued it's interest and you had to listen
If you want to go, Kris, it is fine with me
Asked the man if he wanted to see where his dad grew up
I know how this plays out
"We can take pictures"
The corvette will rumble out of the garage
The part of Kris that wants to trust them will come out
The Sopranos and my life
You are talking about your mother
Oh, god . . . somebody fast forward
If you need help . . . go and get it!
Setting boundaries is a good thing
Yeah, I have "sucker" written all over me
And second, if you family wasn't the way that it was we wouldn't be together
The muted male point of view of what happened in his life
I was born, I had sex for the first time at 13, I graduated from high school
The start of the first time I touched something
I had the skateboard from Sears
It was a fat one, not that thin shit
So you were now riding that around in the gravel
Interesting happening on your Route 34 45 mile long garage sale
We lived at the Lake Holiday not Sandwhich
That is a long way for garage sales
I do have to think ahead
The don't have anything post-WWF
Everything is so cheap
Mark those free and put them at the end of the driveway
You are going to attend event
My cellphone is at the bottom of my purse under dirty diapers and crackers
OK daddy I'm not going off the path
ADHD under control through bugs
Our grill that caught fire is taken for salvage by brother-in-law's pops
Oh will I miss last summer's fiasco reminder to clean our grill
Kris will get rid of it
Taking pictures of ourselves . . . shit, we are fat
It was that point of looking at them and realizing that those people are us
We can't take pictures of ourselves at any angle
I look like a grizzly bear trying to hump a rabbit
My stomach doesn't stick out that far . . . no, it's real . . . it does
In that photo she's lifting up my shirt
There is no plus that can come of it

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Tags: Lake Holiday Route 34 garage sales Croncast Live post WWF corvette

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 13, 2007

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 06:53:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-13.mp3
Show: #349
Length: 36:01
Size: 24.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 13, 2007

Triscadecaphobes, yes it's Friday the 13th
Does that mean you are phobic of triscuits?
Afraid of woven wheat?
No, it means that I am afraid of Sandy Duncan
She's creepy
Smack her on the back of the head and one of those eyes is coming out
She's old lady porn, one eyed porn a new genre
I don't think so Booba
Edison was shooting that porn way back when
Getting back in to small town mode
All over a golden plump
Maybe that's how they get so plump
I grew up really, really small town
My folks weren't farmers . . . just passing through for the rest of their lives
He was held back
Other people are telling this story about you, just differently
He had the 13 year old creepy boy stache in 3rd grade
The epitome of backwoods Virginia
He had tight curly brownish/black hair
Might have been the fact that they didn't have running water in the house
Sometimes it's like someone dropped you off on a journey from the center of the earth
My dad raced stock cars at the county fair grounds on weekends . . . I'm class all the way
We would go out to their house
Push the car off the property to work on them on the gravel road
Wild animals in all the junk they
You had wild ferel cats in your yard . . . different baby, I lived in town
He's come out in his underwear and run around
Half a mile from the compound
Of course we have to push it off the property
I don't want a cupcake from you
Farms are junk car magnates
That's what we near Bear, a some property where we can abandon our shit
Making me hold it till we got home
They had the 21st century green toilet paint bucket with sawdust like your friend
You didn't catch him that's for sure
I spied him with his junk in his hand
Enjoying himself in nature and chickendom
What is he doing now? It's a success story
He was an Edison savant
You don't need electricity to run a phonograph
Gotta get rid of your bear plug Betsy
That is so gross
Great day for me Mr. B
My sisters kids were sick and I didn't have to babysit
They just don't get my sarcasm it washes over them
She looked at me blankly
Maggie thinks her name is moo moo
Today was the first day of garage sale season
Twins and triplets sale was training camp compared for this
They were there . . . my people
The Mexican guy in his Astro van with his kids on a school day
The Blue hairs early in line
I'm here for a free bowl of soup or the sale
She goes off about resellers and waking up early
She's 97 Kris, she's so old that she doesn't have an old AOL address
She's grandma1@webtv.com
That man has his kids helping him out
Thank you Mr. B it's a business
You can't match this flow
And there it is Mr. B
I was put on earth to do this
The Madeline in Paris Doll house with all the stuff
Why Wednesdays show sucked
Betsy had Elliot's neuropsych evaluation on her mind
They were really arguing that it was his semen that caused the problem
The genetic crap
Kids with medical issues
At a kids party you can pick the parents based on their behavior
Haven't you been tested for bipolar yet? You're eight! Shit could be going on up there
Join up with the Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

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Tags: Triscadecaphobes neuropsych chickendom garage sale season county fair grounds triscadecaphobia