homeless | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 19: San Francisco Part 2, The Meetup

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:25:08 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-04.mp3
Show: #494
Length: 41:59
Size: 28.8 mb
Format: mp3

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We're back for part two of San Francisco
The pre pre-school baby is in a kissing phase
She kissed a diseased baby
Then she kissed me and now I am infected
Other than daddy just do
I can blame it on her cuz I got the documentation
Her encrusted nostril in photos
I could track back the vector of my illness
Yes, you are the carriers
Listen to Croncast, "They argue with one another in their basement"
We rank with NPR shows in the post
How are we different than any other shows?
Funnier
Let the woman talk
No love for this man
I didn't get a party when I was there
Heading to the meetup at House of Shields
What if no one shows up?
People were bound to show up
Four people showed up
I am so glad that I disappointed you in a positive way
David, Sam, Russ and Katherine

The Meetup: Left to Right: Russ, Sam, Katherine (in back), David, Betsy (in blue), Jeanie

David has been listening for a long time
A very long time
He was in college, birthday, marriage to attorney
Look back at things that have happened while we have been doing the show
Schlomo gave us the space
It was dark, with a kicked over chair
That is HoS
Russ got a pre-smoking ban chair with an ashtray built into it
This is where we made the mistake
We started drinking right away, heavily
Jeanie kept up with me drink for drink
Mind you she is one third my size
We left the meetup to go dancing
More drinks
Then Jeanie starts dancing with a bearded Marylin Monroe
Having a great time and we stiffed them on the cab
Just drunk bitches we were
We gotta get to sleep
We have things to do the next day
We surface at 10 am
Jeanie didn't get out of bed till 3
I see a pattern with your Jeanie vacations
Remember Chef Jeff?
Back in my skinny days
Now I'm chubby
There's a food shortage I'm good for 8 weeks
At 8pm Mrs. and Mrs Smith are going to hop on a romantic cruise
They should have named it, "The Good Ship Jagermeister"
A little romantic music for you
If I tried to do that with my friends Evan or Mike
So the next day we rent a car
And we end up dumped in a pile of homeless people
They're like day of the dead zombies
Here comes the scariest wican beast i have ever seen in my life
This weather beaten hag pops up in the window
Shit happens, some people aren't what you expect
Are we on the road to Guerneville?
You can't do that with a kind vegan sister
A big coin receptacle
"I'm saving up to clone my cat, donations welcome"

Tags: San Francisco Guerneville Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen meetup

Season 20 Ep 18: You know, you don't have to call her your friend anymore.

Wed, 28 May 2008 12:43:20 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-28.mp3
Show: #493
Length: 28:21
Size: 19.5 mb
Format: mp3

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Good grief we are back
Thanks to Betsy for showing back up
You come back from San Francisco wearing my clothes
Up sidles a Wrangler wearing Milwaukee chick
She's checking me out
Of course she is
"So what are you doing in San Francisco?"
"I'm here with my friend."
"You don't have to call her your friend anymore."
The spandex blend is alive and well
You can look at Iowa from behind and know it's Iowa
The smell of Dubuque jumps off
The hills and the highway
I drive better than those taxi drivers
Don't look forward
You check carry on bags?
Yes, need to keep her creams and powders
The vacation schedule
The romantic cruise
We just wanted crab
The Russians followed me from Goodwill
Our waiter wanted to argue
Today, today it is my first day
Crab comes with nothing?
No one comes between Jeanie and her side salad
Dungeness crab is a mud spider
She called me a hot mess in Cantonese
We end up at a tea shop in China town
White hippie chick running it
In sweeps hippie number one
She's totally a trust fund baby
Character after character after character
You can make tea from anything
Why didn't you stop and ask a homeless person?
I didn't realize you were green with dots . . . what the hell do you have?
Mr B, this is my town though
I knew it once I stepped off the plane

Tags: San Francisco Tea House dungeness crab wrangler pants

Season 20 Ep 9: Improv Betsy, Four Seasons Alley, Run Kris, Run

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:10:44 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-28.mp3
Show: #484
Length: 31:49
Size: 21.8 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

This is a great show, filled with drama, suspense, horror and . . . Kris lacking any common sense.

Nada on the show notes as Monday is getting very busy already. But like the last time, loud shout out to anyone who throws down and sends them in.

Tags: San Francisco homeless walgreens flashing lights witching hour

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 12, 2007

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:59:21 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-12.mp3

Show: #336
Length: 34:28
Size: 23.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 12, 2007

This show was brought to you by Roger Palek (Kris says, "Richard" sorry Roger)
It's been a while
When I was in Boulder I only recorded one side of the show, mine
The best fan representation of our show
How about dress up as a puffy cuffs and send up your polaroid
Mr. B you are so forgetful . . .we need of list of people who donated
I'm on it
This show was brought to you by Roger Palek (Kris says, "Richard")
Not quite on it
Gone all last week and I'll be gone this week too
Betsy, "Do you know what I learned to do this week? Live without you."
It was nice and quiet without you around
Four days later I was missing you
You want me to want you 20 minutes after you walk out the door
I'll be gone over Valentine's day
Picking up the ring that already is paid for
Booba, give me your run down for the week
Betsy's bad eBay week
Goodwill Kodak slide trays makes it not so bad
Magazine "Good" with Marc Jacobs
Social Activism and Culture Jamming
Sounds like those are people who shower . . . not your people
There were no slides in the trays
"Fall over the lake"
"West side of the cabin"
This was some boring as shit man
Goodwill has been bad . . . it has been so cold
What was awesome about it was that I left
When I landed in Boulder it 54 degrees
I could tan in that weather I'm so white
54 degrees and sunny could cause me to blister
I'm surprised that you didn't come home in patchwork pants
Didn't you have homeless friends in college?
NO
My roommate used to pick up guys off IRC circa 1993
Laying in the bunk bed drunk and stoned
This strange mans leans over me and says, "Think she's want to join us."
Madrigals all the time
She was a whore monger
Those chicks scare me
How Kris became afraid of dentists
I could lord over him with my OK teeth
You never smiled until
I didn't know what a habit was
That's why my teeth are rotting out
He was the pamphlet reader
Free clinic will give you a drug you've never tried pamphlet
Well it's time Mr B to get your teeth fixed
Tongue depressors to fix teeth
She ended up with braces anyway

Tags: Roger Palek Good Magazine madrigals culture jamming Boulder, CO homeless friends

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 13, 2006

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 07:29:17 -0500

Croncast - 2006-10-13.mp3

Show: #284
Length: 38:22
Size: 26.3 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris October 13, 2006

Show notes:

Betsy stops the intro to tell me she is having worst day of her life
Here you are mommy drinking wine again
Betsy, your lips are stained from the wine
Left alone in tragedy and sorrow
It's not an anti-depressant but it feels good
Betsy and her eBay assistant leave to get groceries
Miss Kitty left the house early
She's 17 she can do what she wants
Betsy goes off on weird tangent
The man does his Tao Kwon Do stuff
Now it's late and the cat hasn't returned
Do you see where this is going?
It wasn't just the wind
A cat with dirty nipples from dragging on the ground can't be homeless
Mother-in-law went out to look for kitty
The sad meow from under the neighbors shed
Can't figure out how to get to it
Now they realize that there is something terribly wrong with the cat
Miss Kitty was very limp and third-eye lid not open or closed
There is a lot of blood
The late night vet and the weird staff
Is Zeus to blame?
Late night vets serve an interest
Evan, Rick, Henry and Mr. Puffycuffs
Kris was at TECH cocktail 2
Listen Betsy, there will be video
Gotta stop touching the mic stand
Kris says on video, "There are more women here than last time."
I can't do these things without Betsy present anymore
Betsy wants me to stop telling her this stuff
Don Loeb and vicariously Carrie Lozano the director and producer of Reporter Zero
Thank you Carrie and Don for the copy of the movie!
The triscadecaphobic will be working at home tomorrow . . . not me
Subdivision chili cook off is tomorrow night, be prepared for Monday

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Techcocktail2 Reporter Zero Miss Kitty Puffycuffs triscadecaphobic

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 28, 2006

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 06:31:08 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-28.mp3

Show: #268
Length: 34:22
Size: 23.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 28, 2006

Oh there is a new sound in town
Betsy is grumping about having to breath
The light glaring off your head is burning my retinas and making me sleepy
The evolution in razors
You would have been a wooly monster
The terminal point of beard growing
I don't know my terminal length
The fifth blade removes the top layer of skin
The worst mother dig of all time from Betsy
Lips doth did part
Today has been a crazy day
I told the man it was a weird day
Kris missed saving a family of 4 that drove into a lake somehow
It is a fake lake to supply a subdivision waterfall
Kris sort of saw it happen
With CopmUSA closing I was preoccupied
I hear the sounds from the accident and agray flash through the neighbors houses
I was looking the wrong way when we drove by, didn't think of the lake
Well, I didn't hear them screaming . . . they were drowning
As they are gasping their lasts breaths pressed against the window
Betsy says I'm cold
Kris did save the family
When homeless get a Costco card to eat samples to sustain
Betys goes off and buys $30 in steaks
Usually it is mad cow in a tube
So Barb adds the seasoning, turns on grill, to clean it turns it on high and then has a martini
Grill is now set to high
20 minutes goes by and she heads out to put steaks
Opens the door and uses panic voice
"You have to tell Kris to come right away . . . well, theres a fire. Thank you," then closes the door
Betsy rouses me from the basement with the work "Fire"
Stay in the basement because it's safe even though there is a fire
The Goodwill grill is now in full flame burning off all the grease from the trap
The charred chunky collector flaming and the top are ball of flames and black smoke
Kris asks for the baking soda
I asked for fire extinguisher right now . . . Betsy threw it out
Betsy says it didn't look good and didn't match
Any fire extinguisher is better than none
Betsy hands me the Morton Salt instead of the Trader Joe's sea salt grinder
Saved by neighbor Jack and his fire extinguisher
As soon as hose melts to tank I am going to die in an explosion
With 911 on call waiting my mother-in-law clicks over to Vicky
He saved our house . . . he saved Croncast
Betsy finally finds our extinguisher in the garage
Finally doused it in water to cool it down to turn off the gas
The grill cleaned up ok but I don't think we'll ever use it again
Then Kris was swarmed by bees
It will go straight to my brain
Betsy gets in more about her steaks
If I had saved other family I still would be filling out reports and my family would have died
Message to you: Go out and buy some fire extinguishers to keep at home.
We talk about the end of our week last . . . podcasting production
The stress level has gone way down thanks to Palegroove the cause of the stress
Wanting podcast contracts to happen
It is a really big project that will be a ton of fun
Writing down your goals can make a huge difference in your life
Many people think podcasts cost $100 to produce . . . not even close with your own equipment
Kris is speaking at the Portable Media Expo and then I'll fill in the podcasting bits
3 Croncast T's are on the table for production
PhilipZ is holding it down with Handle Moxie

Tags: Goodwill grill Costco meat Portable Media Expo fire extinguisher

Vacation: Act #2 Omaha to Denver

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 09:12:25 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-14.mp3

Show: #236
Length: 1:02:26
Size: 42.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 14, 2006

Act #2 is twice the length of our normal shows, but just like our trip we keep pushing through to make the Friday deadline for a full Act #3. That way we won't ever have to talk about this trip again.

So buckle up compadres as we take you on day 2,3 and the close of day 4 as we go from Omaha to Kearney, NE (we love Kearney, Midway Dodge and Thomas Hardage) to Denver.

So where were we?
Oh yeah Omaha
Go back to Monday, Act #1 if you haven't listened yet
We don't have time to reflect up it
Awake after 5 hours of deep sleep . . . yeah right
Epiphany for Kris, he figures out what the problem is with Slowsky
It appears that the gas peddle can't reach the floor or is being stopped
Handling dirty carpet
Slowsky is accelerating awesome
Up I-680 no problem up a hill
Air conditioning still blowing out the defrost vent
We hit fourth gear and Slowsky bogs down
You looked like someone had hit you in the crotch really hard
Did we stop or turn around in Omaha?Nope
I was gonna pull the oxen through and over the Rockies
Common sense would have turned us around
Betsy asks the cashier at a truck stop about our issues cause they should know
Our game plan becomes eat only at McDonald's and get to Denver
Stopping for gas over and over and over
Rolling at 60 pushing Slowsky to the breaking point
Betsy says cars are loaded weapons
I drove slowsky like a retired polo pony
Once AAA was taken care of it was on, drive it like I stole it
My foot is to the floor burning up the car
Slowsky's cry for help . . . check engine light flashes and then dims
Nebraska is the windiest state

Drafting with semi trucks because I can't go over 65
Speed limit is 75 which means 85 for all
People in Nebraska know there is nothing worth driving slow for
I still have no respect for the slow driver
The oil pressure gauge was nearly in the red
The van may explode at anytime
All the fun of a road trip and fantasies about stopping and eating the natives food, gone
No tourist traps for Slowsky
35 miles to the next exit
The arch over I-80 is where the Check Engine Light stays on

Hilly Iowa, not the hilly Nebraska
Calming the kids to soothe the hunching Kris
We get lucky and find Kearney, NE
Even luckier we find Midway Dodge of Kearney

Right next door was Enterprise
We meet Thomas Hardage, the only person not to let us down on this trip
It's 11:30 am and they close and 12:00 pm
He was a Slowsky prophet
he let us know that he 5 hour drive would take us 8 to 9 hours to Denver
There's Enterprise, we should leave car for repair
Kris says, "no" we're going to Denver and Betsy agrees
Help was put in our path and we tell it to fuck off
There was no charge to look at our car
You should not drive off into the great beyond in your broke ass van
"In Denver it will be really expensive", we pass again
Back on the road, 55 mph tops
Kris tries to make it go 56 entire way to Denver
We followed the same truck for about 300 miles

I-76 West down to Denver off of I-80

We are gaining control
We can see mountains
Now we are back to the itinerary, Yes!
Two straight days in a van
I will tell you when you can go to the bathroom
Telling Betsy over and over that we should have flown and what we would have been doing
From now on we fly, first class if we can afford it, 2-3 days at destination, rental car waiting and fly out on day 3
Coming in on the wrong side of Denver
Car collecting seems to be a hobby in Colorado
Hotel has Denver in name but it surely isn't in Denver
Slowsky is now down to 50 mph tops
But we've made it to Denver now
We're still in control . . . sort of
Slowsky was making death nells
Right near our hotel exit there is a Dodge dealer, John Elway Dodge on Arapahoe
The ultimate welcome to Denver . . . an arrest in our hotel parking lot

Navy wife-beater doesn't go with blond chest hair
Doesn't matter how nice a hotel is an arrest in parking lot harshes the mellow
We hit the hotel, 6th floor
18 giggling 12 year old girls right next to our room
Awesome birrthday for her
They were playnig door slamming game, Kris says no
Elliot loses his mind when we return to front desk to get another room
It is time to eat
I was bleeding money our of my eyeballs, really, dollar bills
Should have tossed one of the party girls over the balcony
Big wedding reception at the hotel, but no one was staying there, not one
The restaurant is out of highchairs, all in use for reception
It was time to start crying
We couldn't catch a break
One lone patron was going to hear our woes
What restaurants are near here?
We make it to Outback
Nothing goes wrong so Kris hugs the waitress
Elliot gorges himself, turns grey and runs to bathroom to puke
He has same gene that Betsy and I have where we eat to comfort ourselves
Where's that cereal? Do we have milk?
Needs to feel good in my belly
How sad is our happiness an Outback? We could have done this at home!!!!!!!
Research will take up whole half a work day
Talk begins about putting the family on a plane
Betsy understands her father's actions now from when he did it when she was a kid
It was time to stop the madness
We arrange for a rental car from Enterprise
Only place to do so is at Denver International Airport on Sunday
Shuttle is $20 but you need an appointment, what?
Concierge calls taxi for me and off I go
Denver knows nothing of urban sprawl
There could be free range beef within city limits
I tell cabbie DIA
The airport was 29 miles from our hotel
Ride to Ohare will take $28 bones of my money in a cab
Cabbie asks for $65 dollars for the ride!!! WTF

More notes and photos later. To get the rest of this you'll have to listen to the show for now. It is really hard to keep reliving this.

But I can't leave out the Act #2 cliff hanger . . . John Elway Dodge doesn't call us, we call them to hear, "Mam, the service manager didn't call you? Well, there's a problem with your vehicle. You see, one of our lot attendants . . . "

Coming up on Friday . . . Vacation: Act #3 Denver to Naperville

Update: These photos are from our 3 hours in Colorado Springs at Garden of the Gods and someplace in the downtown area. Family photo credited to guy I thought was homeless but turned out to be one of the dudes who just hang out to watch people go by.

Tags: Kearney Denver John Elway Dodge Arapahoe Slowsky Midway Dodge thetrip

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 149

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 10:49:09 -0600

Croncast - 2005-12-04.mp3

Show: #191
Length: 43:51
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 149

Show Notes

Betsy all dressed up, well looking good
Fourth attempt to beat Maggie at screaming game
Elliot lost his head yesterday
Staying childless . . . wishing
The size of his head
This week at Goodwill
Size 8 suit for the man
It was for an 8 petit
Now he's got a size 12 suit
What size is a first grader
The holiday season picks up as donations increase
Tax deduction time
People want the DVD, you want the DVD
Two good weeks of shipping left for Holiday season
Kris with a "K' says perfect for Kwanza
There will be no Kwanza deal
Betsy will rock the open of Goodwill today
Nagging wives say clean up
Kris buys a PSP for his inner child
Ages 6 and up
I am in love with it, I have no games for it
Instead I have Beavis and Butthead Mike Judge UMD
Betsy still has tags from her inner child shopping spree
Watching "What not to Wear" and you realize you are the person
Zip up mommy fo-track suit
Advice for the Fluffy crowd
Waiting in line at the mall
Letting handicap people go first
Differently abled they are now
6'2 skinny women don't get the concept
Ladies up to size 16
Women start at 16W
W = WIDE
The differences are amazing
Sticking your finger down your throat if you're bigger than a size 10
Attack in the face with gold cleats
Betsy's Acne prejudice
It didn't dissolve into a crying session
Coming home in tears? Nope
Shopping for Carla
What brand is it?
You wouldn't sell a knock off purse
Up in the air about it
One size smaller
Regular department
The old lady bedalzed clouds section
"Your Area" for "Your people"
Blue hairs buying undies
The Ruth Maclellan line
What's wrong with blue hairs and apricots
Not caring any more
Stuff wasn't on sale at JC Penny
The trendy under 30 fluffy mommies
Betsy is fighting turning 30 next month
Spending $300 on her clothes
I buy her the clothes and Sean Paul buys my PSP
Buying before you have
Paul Wall bought me a new hard drive
Da Backwudz bought something but I forgot it
Sacramento, brown and cold looks just like here
It was weird but with homeless people
One homeless guy in Naperville
Token crazy homeless guy hangs at Goodwill
Trying on a town or city as a new place to live
Counting pregnant 12 year olds
10 most creative cities in America according to Fast Company magazine
Men watching Hallmark movies, wives don't tell people
"My husband loves Lifetime."
Crying together on the couch
Read the Hallmark cards at the store
Scrapbooking is the movement
Scrapbooking is fo the 3 grader in you who likes the funny scissors
Making websites is like scrapbooking
Helping Betsy become a rich old woman
Living in a gutter eating cabbage out of a dumpster
I will make a mutt stole for you out of a German Shepherd
The trophy row
The Hippie Guy not Latino but Italian
"You're the one who got away."
Five minute dating
Seven minutes in heaven is different than dating
Pushing We're Coming Over again
Reading the quotes from the back

Tags: size betsy people kris scrapbooking

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 129

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 05:24:44 -0500

Croncast - 2005-09-30.mp3

Show: #170
Length: 28:01
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 12.8 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 129

Show Notes

The contest ends on October 7th
Winner chosen Monday the 10th after the first apprentice gets booted
Betsy's new reality show Mac truck vs. VW Beatle
Human perspective, moose size of shetland pony with antlers
Additional Alaskan goodness
Breaking Bonaduce, dude is a mess
Whitney has something on this cat
50 year old homeless men
The ghosts of the 80's with Members Only jackets with Larry Hagman Dallas style briefcases
Door to door knife salesmen
Rich dad poor dad bullshit makes me laugh
Betsy brings out the Land of Nod
An investment
The verb shabbed
Leaving rice in Kris's goatee
Booger out of Betsy's nose
Send in your story to Betsy

Tags: betsy kris croncast size door

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 91

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 05:57:54 -0500

Croncast - 2005-06-20.mp3

Show: #132
Length: 34:17
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 15.7 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 91

Watch The Video!

We are back from the Wisconsin Dells and in this episode Kris calls a fight between marines, babysits a stripper's kids and watches the police arrest an out of hand mommy all while wearing his tacky father's day gift.

Kris reminisces about the days prior to the invention of Nair and bikini line shaving, I advise him both Nair and bikini line shaving have been around for years, but they didnt practice pubic hair removal in his neck of the woods- go figure. Kris also tries to draw comparisons between Tijuana and the Dells, though I point out that he has never been to Tijuana and never during my entire stay in the Dells was I offered Chiclets from a homeless scabby toddler.

Kris attempts to explain the origins of the phrase Git R Dun and I still don't get it or git it I guess.

Check out the screen shots of Kris and I on TV we are stars! Not really I don't think stars shop at Aldi's- except maybe Rachel Hunter before the smash hit Dancing with the Stars which is on my must watch this week. Rachel has probably upgraded to Albertsons store brands now that things are looking up.

Screen shots from the video.

Bird's eye view from Elliot's spot in the basement.

Guess who?

Who could this be?

Tags: kris dells croncast stars git