ice | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 24 Ep 04: Center Pieces, No Baby Prize, Elope Now

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:20:27 -0400

Episode: #604
Length: 27:20
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Fa Fa Fa Friday!
Great, great show today!!
Visualizing the date and month
On Facebook, right now
I never got to date her
I know that it is her birthday
That women is there
Well, happy birthday to the one Kris wishes he had
Making it out of a small town without having a kid is the grand prize
Anything after that is easy
Dating in the middle of Jersey
A minute is no longer a mile
A mile is no longer a minute
Totally upfront about getting it on with her
Is this a husband wife show?
You're my best friend at this moment
Good for you dude!
Total whore, total score
We're screwing around
Condomless
I will not be enticed
One that doesn't want to trapped
She totally wanted to catch a baby
If I were you I would have gone home and gotten a condom and come back
Can we get it back on dear?
I guess it is the Shilts blood pumping through my veins
That most blessed of all events
Getting hitched at 19
In a better universe you could come to my wedding
Just write a check
We could have done it up large in the Ozarks
Flip the wedding on it's head
Elope and go have some fun
I'm getting married . . .
Great . . .
Don't invite me
Find me a fat dress
Shiny to show off my creases
Damp white marks
Pay for it myself?
Yes.
We like the idea of rituals
It is the practice of rituals we're not so good at
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 24 Ep 04: A Sampling

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:06:11 -0400

Episode: #604 Sampler
Length: 4:10
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 24 Ep 03: Conversion Van, Sears Catalog, Hazard County

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:21:48 -0400

Episode: #603
Length: 27:45
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Getting the pennies out
The Office is mine
Electrified
There's a hole in the fence
Grubby old schools
Walking out of the zoo
Out horribling mothers
You can't hang with them
What kind of man does that on a park bench?
Homemade conversion van Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: penny bags sears catalog britax conversion van

Season 24 Ep 03: The Sampler

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:04:44 -0400

Episode: #603 Sampler
Length: 4:47
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: penny bags sears catalog britax conversion van

electrical fire and explosion 510 east 86th street

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:56:15 -0500

holy crap. felt it and heard it in my office in the basement. smelled burning stuff hours ago.

Tags: basement office heard smelled burning

Season 23 Ep 20: Partner Whiplash, Full Facemask, Psychic Dominance

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:22:35 -0500

Show: #555
Length: 27:56
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Being married to your best friend
You gave me whiplash!
I would charge $20 for that
The memory was priceless
Betsy gots paid to blog
She grabbed my hands
Told me she was a psychic
She was setting up the dominance
First you must be mind raped
You have to cooperate
He should chew on my hair to know more about me
I wore a pant suit
He tells me, "You're the type of woman that takes a lot of time with her appearance."
My job was wiping developmentally delayed kids
Not professional
I wore splatter resistance cotton to work
Success in a box
So why do I need to go see one, now?
You can't wear a full face mask in NYC
The bus driver wouldn't even let the dude on the bus
Tell me how I was freaking out?
He was wearing a rubber fucking suit
Maybe it was skeevey subway dude?
You win
You would prefer that I not work and pursue a comedy career
Why does that bother you?
My friends are jealous because you are letting me do what I want
But you're not
You, my lady, are comedian
You have this opportunity, you should take it!
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: psychic connections rubber suit professional blogger comedian face mask

Season 23 Ep 20: Croncast Sampler

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:10:43 -0500

Show: #555-Sampler
Length: 4:58
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: psychic connections rubber suit professional blogger comedian face mask

Season 23 Ep 09: Daddy Justice, Aluminum Lined, Long Memory

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:06:28 -0500

Show: #544
Length: 28:09
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Hey hey
Thos comments are gonna flow
Yes, i've had hamsters before
This would be a fourth
Well, it is a fourth
How did you have four hamsters?
What happened to them?
Kris tells a story that should never be told
I don't want to go into all of the things I learned in La Moille
You set me up for a lifetime of chores
I didn't walk away
I'm still here
No matter how much like a midget New Yorker and it's cute it won't work
As it is we can't have the landlord in to fix anything
Just don't tell Mommy
Daddy's buying me a hamster
You have no idea
I do know
Feral hamsters don't count, Kris
Glow in the dark ball back in the day
Pets didn't last me all that long
I tried to cram it down the Sesame Street slide
No it didn't die
Does you mom still have that?
It ain't a rabbits foot, it's a hamster foot
Look, is was common at that time
Aluminum foil on the bottom
What?
That is what they said to do
Who?
The people at the pet store
<-- sampler show ends -->
That is the way it was done
Was it like 1840 Louisiana?
It didn't do him any good
Just like you didn't end up with straight arms
The way that it is
If he's smart he won't eat it
Was your crib lined with foil?
He decided to do himself in
Brittle plastic bottom
It was a bird cage
I can't even look at you
Why did he die? I don't know
I highly doubt you had a hamster
It was really a dead parakeet
This is my friend Pete
No wonder the neighbor kids never played with me
Oh my god, that is dumb!
Maybe it got bird food
I lived in a blissful bubble till I met you
Oh, baby
Dylan's Candy Bar is worth the trip to NYC with kids
Maybe I shouldn't have done it
She will never forgive me
She's got a great memory
Don't go buy a hamster
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: hamster pet store dylan's candy bar new york la moille

Season 23 Ep 07: Green Pants, Entering the Scene, Chicagowaukee accent

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:40:15 -0500

Show: #542
Length: 30:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

I walk out on the stoop every morning to pick up the Times
I have on my robe, bunny slippers
You wish you could afford the Times
That's true
Or had a stoop of my own
Trampled by clicking heels heading out of the building
What I like about New York is you can count on people
You can trust them
However, you can't trust the New Yorkers that wear green pants
They will slam doors on you
Push you off the curb in front of a bus
The have an alliance with leprechauns
It's true
Trying to transcribe your kids homework from accented folks
We couldn't understand each other
You're accented now too, baby
You've toured the midwest
They can't understand you
Your Chicagowaukee accent
It's all about dominance in NY
Passive dominance is the flavor of the relationship
It's like entering an improv scene
Costco in the city experience
99/100 emails are for you
We did get noticed on the street
We handled it horribly
The kids were like what?
Really you know who I am?
The walking class is stuck during the NYC marathon
Only people left were us and the runners

Tags: Chicagowaukee leprechaun bunny slippers NYC marathon

Season 23 Ep 06: The Night Out, Black Coats, Greasy Spoonage

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:32:47 -0500

Show: #541
Length: 32:33
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Leaving the comments
Sexy Betsy
That is all that I am calling you from now on
Like Galore Vixen
I went out with a new friend
It's hard to know what to dress like with new friends
She's a cool, cool kind of chick
Got pink streaks in her hair
She's a mommy, she's a nice lady
Guilt laden Bear speech
What?
Like wearing laundered clothes?
You gotta fill in the gaps
Had to put in earings
Always, but that is gaps of two years
Cough, cough
You didn't sound awful before
There are plenty of other folks that take 5 photos of themeselves a day
Maybe, they do
Let it hang there
Everybody here wears black
All winter coats are black
They all want to melt, it's like camo
Fast food is a class issue in NYC
If someone could ship me a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell
The greasy spoon with Rolls Royces parked out front
It's a friggin greasy spoon
Park it in the cross walk
The kind you want to be!!
Driver will play on his iPhone while he waits
Angel the pitbull that attacked me
What kind of tool knows the name, got attacked and puts up a flier?
Talk of the NYC rub and tug joints
I was too busy doing the farmer's daughter

Tags: betsy smith night out pink streaks farmers daughter

Season 23 Ep 03: Streaming Player, Bald is Sexy, Queens Blvd.

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:59:31 -0500

Show: #538
Length: 28:07
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Comments are all moderated now
Due to massive amounts of spam that is coming in
Great news . . . streaming player is ready to use
Go to Croncast -> Click 'streaming player' -> Sign in -> Listen
The Nextel phone chirp chirp is like the construction worker Twitter
Maybe I have a stroller you don't know about
A total Manhattan business is man strollers
Man purses are not in the scope
They're totally off limits
He's a cross dressing pimp
And he also coos
Dude is wearing a full length beaver coat
You should hold classes at the annex for cross dressing pimps
Queens they should go with you
The battle cry for cross dressing pimps
If you made that sound in Queens something would eat you
Tumbleweeds and paint ball
The greatest Goodwill ever
As far as clothing goes
$1.69 a pound for clothing
You can pick up Diesel Jeans
I may like them but I need Mavi jeans
Those fit
Not Levi's or Wranglers
There are no Wranglers in Manhattan
Cuz no one sells them here
The fancy man pants get their own hangers and racks
Size 28 Bootcut Citizens of Humanity Jeans
Yeah, no one is looking for that
Well maybe somebody is but you can't price for that one guy
Huge blue troughs full of this stuff
Safe with a prison, police, needles
Totally safe because it's like Aurora, IL
We pass the Dominican greasy spoon
I want to eat there and you guys always choose the hot dog joint
Mc Dominicans is the name, not really
Eyed up on the luv train
Betsy can't get enough of these stories from me
Wanna party, giant?

Tags: luv train man musk wanna party giant queens resale nextel chirp

Season 23 Ep 02: The Penthouse, Bedazzled Shirts, Purse Selling Zombies

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:44:52 -0500

Show: #537
Length: 28:09
Format: mp3

I can't tell you the story off the show
There is safety on the show
A good tight story
Directors cut?
Just tell me the story
Three undred people waiting to get in . . .
And then us
Yeah, with you I don't think club with a 'K'
It looks like John Goselin fell from an airplane and exploded
All too much
The 6'8 400 lbs bouncer comes over
Failed arena football player
Heading to the penthouse party
Yes, I'll take you up right now
I don't fit at all
The head neck move dance all together
We make our way in
Turns out it is a Penthouse part
Not a penthouse party
Was TMZ there?
They see you the music stops and they ask who let this guy in
Schlumpy midwestern guy, who let him in?
I was on the of the line
Sure the Pussy Cat Dolls were doing there show
Did they say i gotta go to the bathroom
No, but they did let me know I might not get in
Leave you outside?
Yeah, but I totally understand
Gonna make it happen
I know that you know that I am impressed
You aren't making eye contact with me
We get into the VIP area
That was it
Didn't know what to do after that
Then the free drinks began
They brought out the Cristal
It was a cliche of cliches
Everyone is loving it
The AVN awards ends and the adult stars start showing up
Every Ed Hardy design was represented
Bouncers couldn't figure out who or why we were there
Let me tell you what we were doing while you were partying
I took Maggie to a craft shop
Where?
On Canal Street
Nice
Yeah, I was attacked by purse selling zombies
I would call you from hell, but not bother you from heaven
That's marriagr
The store was half empty
Right, cuz all the embroidery thread was needed for the shirts in vegas

Tags: Pure Las Vegas VIP Penthouse Party schlumpy Ed hardy

Season 23 Ep 01: The New York Days Begins, Feral Las Vegas Cats, Costco Lust

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:45:58 -0500

Show: #536
Length: 40:05
Format: mp3

Thank you!
To all those that are cool . . . you rock!
If you're not cool, you can get cool
Why start on the 13th?
I can't avoid the number - I should embrace it
It's always in my address
Homeless guy that sleeps in front of only that address
Working on the streaming version player
Will be ready by Friday
How should I know that 3XL in gay is in XL?
I thought things were fancy in Naperville
Until I experienced Elliot's public school
Can anyone ring the bell at NYSE or NASDAQ?
Grammy tickets?
Where is this place and who are these people?
Having a nice car in New York
She has a huge Range Rover
What are we?
We're the Walking Class
Party at the wine bar for the parents
I don't have a baby sitter
No worries, my nanny can watch your kids too
Thanks but I can't get there
Don't worry my husband has a car service
I was just at Costco, you bitch
No idea how I would even get there
The suburban delights are missing here
No alone time here
What kind of hell is to be in Las Vegas for a week
You would sleep with a girl named Debra
I did leave Miss Debra to do her thing
My hotel turned out to be a motel
And yes it had feral cats
I could hear water dripping
Sure, that was the dead hooker in the wall
Fresh sponge paint on everything
If you had been raised with a vagina
You never would have accepted that room
Setting me for slaughter
I thought I was dead
You have a story to tell me Mr B
Friday, baby
It is too long
You went to a penthouse party in Las Vegas
No, a Penthouse party in the VIP
I've got no idea how to describe it

Tags: Get Cool NYSE The New York Days Miss Debra No tell motel

patenting this mobile office as you view this

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:39:38 -0400

Tags: view office mobile patenting

putting my lips on an ice cold heine

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:13:43 -0400

~ yep, just what you thought you would see.

Tags: yep thought heine cold lips

Season 22 Ep 06: The Hiatus is Over

Thu, 21 May 2009 16:21:56 -0400

Croncast - 2009-05-22.mp3
Show: #532
Length: 20:41
Size: 19.0 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

We're back for a 20 minute episode
A little low down on what we're up to
Some Betsy digging into my past
The Great LaMoille fire of 1888
And part hypnotherapy for the dogs
I'm heading to Boston tomorrow
Betsy wants to get life advice from VH1
I will use this in the divorce someday to get the kids
What have you learned from our show?

Tags: Boston Mystery STD Nurse FSBO

Season 22 Ep 05: Red Streak, Hamster Flu, Wackadoos

Fri, 01 May 2009 14:03:07 -0400

Croncast - 2009-05-01.mp3
Show: #530
Length: 32:06
Size: 29.5 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Hit up Croncast and leave comment
Online they're called trolls
In the real world they're called haters
Thanks for asking people to tell you something nice
You were having a rough day
Dude's can't call you beautiful
Why are you in public without your mask on?
I ended up with a red streak on my finger
Again!
Back down the sewer drain
No care for the scrape or cut
I'll be fine
Now my finger is throbbing and swelling up
Hello, urgent care
Attacked your meat hook viciously
Everyone in their was wearing a mask
All the wackadoos think they have swine flu
Stay safe while porking
I am worried for their mental health
They could have hamster flu
We're gonna be in NYC next week
Meetup on Thursday night 6'ish not sure on location
Will share that today

Tags: lemon lime gatorade hamster flu wackadoos red streak

Think differently about RSS and its uses

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 09:18:54 -0400

It's been quite a while since I wrote a blog post and it was time to get down with the reality that some things can't be said in 140 characters or less.

Over the weekend, as some of you may of you noticed, I live photo blogged my Saturday afternoon date with Betsy and our trip to Goodwill. For me it was a time to watch Betsy as she navigated her adopted habitat and to see her operate in a way that is far from the norm in our everyday lives.

I knew this was going to be an interesting experience. Why not share it in as many ways as possible (distribution to: Flickr, Twitter, blog and RSS) with as many people as possible? One input with multiple outputs across the various Croncast audiences.

Making it happen is a lot easier than you think with email and RSS.

First. it is the camera phone that takes decent photos. Second, is the phones ability to send email with photo attachments. Third, is a place to email the photos that has an RSS feed or other API connectivity to other applications. Tons of sites like Flickr, Seesmic and Tumblr offer these and can even do some of the distribution for you. Get these three things in place and sharing your experiences in near real-time has never been easier.

Currently, it does take a little more skill to distribute the photos to Twitter. However, if you get creative you can breathe life into photos that wouldn't normally have existed after it was consumed/viewed in a photo sharing site or through an RSS reader. It is worth the effort to figure this out, it's the next stage of content distribution online.

How do I know? Google Reader shared feeds are the perfect example. Typically once someone reads a post in their reader it has reached the end of the line. But if someone shares it with Google Reader it then gets added to the individual users shared RSS feed and resyndicated. A new life for that content. The same goes for photos that end up in Flickr or a Flickr RSS feed.

In my case, live photo blogging and my ability to cast a wider net wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for the Flickr RSS feed from my account. It is the magic API that feeds (pun intended) the river of resyndication that allows me to give that new life to our content.

Here's how it goes down:

1. Upload photo from phone to Flickr with subject line used as image title
2. In the body under the photo begin with an asterisk (*) if I want the photo, title and description to be a blog post also
3. In the body under the photo begin with a carat (^) if I want the title and a link to be a tweet
4. Add both asterisk and carat (*^) for blog and twitter
5. A PHP script grabs the Flickr RSS feed and reads it for asterisks and carats every two minutes and sends the photo, title and description where it needs to go
6. If it goes to the blog the title and description will be run through a keyword generations script
7. If it goes to Twitter only the title is sent and a shortened url is created to link to the photo

What all of this does is allow me to create multiple channels of distribution that can reach the different audiences that follow us. There is a bit of overlap with multiple audience members subscribed to the same services but quite a few are not. We have the Twitter audience, the blog audience, the flickr audience and the RSS audience. We also have our podcast audience but they are not really a part of this type of delivery

Summary: Look for ways to utilize sites like Flickr as a content management portal, if even from your mobile phone, to cast a wider net across your network. Work to find that one point of contact that has the lowest threshold for allowing you to get your media and thoughts online with the ability to resyndicate your content without having to lift a finger. Well, too many fingers. And make sure that it has an RSS feed!

Tags: flickr live photo blogging RSS as API seesmic tumblr twitter

Make better RSS feeds by not making them

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:00:20 -0400

Did you pick the content of the RSS feeds that you are syndicating from your site right now? Or did you let your readers pick?

Within reason my guess would be that most of you answered, yes then no. I know on my sites, even this site, I would have answered the same.

The solution isn't to create more feeds. The best solution is for publishers to create no feeds at all. Let your readers make their own.

Here are a couple examples why this is a better method for content syndication than relying on your own editorial skills.

Example 1: How not to do it.

Don't get me wrong on this, CNET is offering nearly all of its content up for syndication. This is an excellent strategy to create value from older content. However, do readers really need the option of subscribing to 100 plus predefined RSS feeds? Simply, no.

Finding feeds for the topics you are interested in is difficult. The worst of it is that you can only access them individually, i.e.; you want 10 of feeds, copy and paste them one by one into your feed reader. Sounds like a party to me. If you have more skills you might use a service that rolls all of them up into one feed for you. I would guess that about three people have done this.

Why overwhelm your readers like this? And besides, it is pretty intimidating for someone new to the RSS game. Shouldn't they be able to access your content in a way that makes it relevant to them?

Example 2: How to do RSS right.

What you see above is one of two flavors of how to let your readers pick what they receive in RSS feeds. It's a simple and easy to use text input that allows readers to enter keywords and phrases that they want in their feed. There's nothing fancy, easy access to old content in the straight-forward way that RSS is delivered; updates of the newest items first and set number items in the feed, usually twenty-five.

What the second screen shot shows is the magic of thinking differently about RSS feeds. This image demonstrates what happens when someone clicks on the 'advanced' link. The reader is then given control over every aspect of the RSS feed. They choose the content, when it is delivered, how much content, in what order (none of this newest stuff first mumbo jumbo - great use for episodic content) and how many updates to get at a time.

Who is better to choose than the person doing the consuming? RSS needs to be like Burger King where a customer can have it their way.

When this concept is applied to large volumes of content the value of it increases with each new article or podcast. Imagine if you could have this type of access at the NY Times or with your local paper. Even the obits from 30 years ago are now of value again. Value to the reader and value to the publisher with ad inventory.

The future of content syndication isn't in prescriptive channels created by publishers. The future is in the subjective choices of the consumer. They neither need or want every product that you have to offer.

We need to be smarter about our syndicated content via RSS and take into consideration how to make that user experience more satisfying. Whether it is by allowing users to pick topics or order of updates, something needs to change. Why? Because it is all about attention; the premium of which is measured in subscribers, influence and the influence of those subscribers.

Tags: RSS CNET readers consumers interaction

Season 21 Ep 25: The Breadwinner, Unhandicapped Joke, You'd Love it Here

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:45:36 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-13.mp3
Show: #525
Length: 32:37
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Where the shows been?
I'm not well
Hear it in the voice
Why do men get sicker than women?
It is like quantum mechanical
Betsy, he looks really bad
No one was validating
You had a temp of 98.6
That's high for me
Legitimately sick and you just make fun of me
I talked with two people this week
That's it
It manifested as fevers, rashes, sweats, bumps
Let's give the run down
New IRS debt, no longer employed by BlogTalkRadio, starting a new business
Venture Capital is tight and requires travel
Betsy lays it all down . . . what I've learned in comedy . . . so far
Well, you are being paid
That $40 a week is going to take us through
You gotta finish strong
I picked the handicapped guy and made the most inappropriate joke
Well, the audience knew he was handicap . . . but I didn't
Later in the show my pants starts falling down
No laughs at this either
Here I am walking down the street
So what's going on with you guys then?
I'm not going to list it out again
Follow Kris on twitter
Join the Croncast Facebook group
We come around the pillars
There are people just smoking
Blowing smoke in tourists faces
Out of the corner of my eye I see these guys
Then hear, "You got this one, Phil?"
Flicks his cigarette
He's doing the new york fast walk
Of course the cop didn't care
What are you doing in SOHO with a hot dog cart in front of the Prada store?
The place of small dogs, tall women and street vendors on crack
I think you would love New York, Betsy
Sure I almost got robbed
But I even love the filthy, dirty New York
It's got high energy

Tags: Prada Store SOHO breadwinner NYC kidrobot

Season 21 Ep 24: The Mexico Part 3

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:52:03 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-30.mp3
Show: #524
Length: 41:24
Size: 38 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

When, when, when, when
This was supposed to go out Friday
Maggie has been insanely sick
What happens when you read all of these Oprah books?
It should come with a six pack of Xanax
Difficult times?
Write a book
You need to change your name to Kristina
Sending email as Kris Smith
People would respond to me as a woman<
br> So I had to make it Kristopher Smith Wait, Mr B
I have to give a shout out to Carrie, thanks for coming to my show
The Mexico Part 3 begins now
Betsy, you are at the buffet, go . . .
If I had known that they served guacamole breakfast, lunch and dinner
Standing at the buffet
A woman sidles up next to me
"What part of Canada are you from?"
I speak like that because I lived in Milwaukee for a few years
Where's that?
Wisconsin
Is that a big city?
All the push ups that you do
They could throw a rock at it
She was wearing the crocs
Then I scanned the room and it was covered in crocs
That is he face of colonialism
Later . . .
I'm the only American
What is the most expensive shit you got behind this bar?
Grand Marnier on the rocks the entire trip
Do you want to know how to cook the guacamole?
He was like a bull fighter
Super hot
Fellas watch out for this
They will whisk you wife away
The Italian says, "You mean this prison"
You must leave this compound
They will take you to the jungle
They get electricity for 2 hours a day
It is wonderful
Deciding to go deep see fishing
How did you get over the shark fear?
We were stuck at the front gate
How many signs do you need?
It was like a road block
We were there on a gift certificate
I'm thinking that this will be so nice
The authentic Mexican experience awaits
We get to the place
Sure, it would have have been authentic
But didn't the charter company name tell you all you needed to know?
Captain Rick's
It should have
Yeah, if it were Captain Ricardo's
On the boat with a Canada
They start swearing at us in Spanish
Turns out I am the only one that knows it
I kept my mouth shut
Betsy catches Dory (see photo in post)
"Chocha Grande"
How is the fish doing?
Mas muerto
They pull it back into the boat
Cut up Dory and turned her into chum
We had Captain Bicho
More protected species were caught
Chopped and chum
Chocha account is over 11 at this point
I'm the bloke, right
Don't be a chocha Mr B

Tags: Crocs Canadian Tourists The Mexico GrandMarnier

Season 21 Ep 23: The Mexico Part 2

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:55:13 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-25.mp3
Show: #523
Length: 33:08
Size: 30.4 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Introducing our driver, Rueben
Pronounced Rue - been
You'll understand why shortly
We're on the homepage in iTunes podcast store
In the parenting category
You're the whip cream
I am the pie to your whip cream
Does that mean we are getting divorced?
Rueben has discussing the directions that the Montana girls gave him
Nervous like Mom telling me, "Let's go to TJ to buy school supplies"
Sterling silver bangles
Hurling off into the middle of nowhere
The jungle begins flying by
Look at that, it's great
Is it abandoned?
Right, just like central Illinois
Look at you, getting all metric
Jungle was 20 km away
Fine, how about 20 clicks?
Betsy gets scared and starts talking
The Montana girls want you shut up
Actually, it was Erasure
Luggage in my lap
Moobs are getting damp
Rueben rolled up all the windows the moment we got in
4 adult Americans and one Mexican adult
Our bodies use more energy, seriously
They throw the old road next to the new road
You might need a chunk later
It'll have the rebar in it right away
Betsy asked to see the girls' directions
Oh my, God
"OK, like this is going to be so great. Take a left I don't know where, crappy town and it has a number 4."
Betsy's rendition of this is priceless, you have to listen
Around the crappy town, around and around
Forty minutes later we're still circling the town
Weaponry was at full blaze in plenty of places
Security is tight at Goodwill but not like this
Rueben speaks three words of English - yes, no and maybe
And he doesn't know what either of them mean
Don't fly to a foreign country without the address of where you are going
If I were on this trip with Jeanie
No Mrs. and Mrs. Montana it would have been safe!
The highlight of my trip was passing the local airport
I think it's called . . .
Rueben whips around, "Nooooooooooooooooo"
We were 20 clicks from were we supposed to be in the opposite direction
He hands the directions to the armed guard
We find the joint
The girls tip him like $1.50 USD
Rueben peels out in reverse
We hit our heads on the back window
But we arrived in one piece
Colonialism is alive and well
You can't tell me that you didn't breath a sigh of relief
Happy to be alive and I need a burger
The next four days became a huge pain in the ass
Look at these awful white people and their destruction of paradise
While, asking me to rub aloe on my back

Tags: Mexico Vacation Dreams Tulum Rueben the montanas colonialism

Season 21 Ep 07: We've got three, Manternity clothes, Old Spice Pirate

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:31:16 -0500

Croncast - 2009-02-02.mp3
Show: #507
Length: 27:28
Size: 25.7 mb
Format: mp3

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This show brought to you by Podiobooks.com
Betsy starting her own line of manternity clothes
You need to try harder baby
I have never worn Old Spice
But I keep looking over my shoulder for a sailor
Tell us your thoughts on eliminating our car loan debt
To do so properly get the skinny from the last 5 minutes of the show

Tags: Lincoln Town Car Manternity dairysnake Old Spice Pirate

Season 21 Ep 04: Shivering and Grumping, Venereal Stimulant, Life Plan

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:30:32 -0500

Croncast - 2009-01-21.mp3
Show: #504
Length: 24:07
Size: 22.1 mb
Format: mp3

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Of those last week and yore
Kris, I've noticed that you've gotten chilly today
My body is cuddling itself trying to keep warm
I turned off the heat to try to force you out of the house
The cold isn't bothering me
So this was part of your master plan
A cocoon of The North Face goodness
All this little spoiled babies
Kids why don't you go see your dad
Shivering and grumping
I eat like I'm a seal
Get out, see some people
Skinny folks listen up
The chubby friend gets to make the salad jokes, Not you
The fat jokes are for me
Fattitudes about the chunky
Of course they're going to order the fries
When I lost weight I felt like a spy
Listening to people talk about the people
It's not blubber, it's a 42 in waist
The size I come is thick
I'm like a cylinder
You could benefit from some manternity clothes
My tummy isn't that protrusive
With the beard I wouldn't be a venereal stimulate any longer
Your mom probably called you that
I caught from my Buick
Someone was eating donuts in my car again
It's a medical term
Life Plan '09
Credit cards are all paid off

Tags: the north face venereal stimulant manternity clothes life plan

Season 21 Ep 02: Africa for the Weekend, Oprah taping, Cardigans and Plaid

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 12:30:41 -0500

Croncast - 2009-01-14.mp3
Show: #502
Length: 35:56
Size: 33.0mb
Format: mp3

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Is that why you are wearing what you are wearing?
You got me this
Right, from the Greek Orthodox garage sale
From hefty to hot
Not hot in my heft?
These are some things we need to discuss
I checked out this cardigan
Then I brought it home to you
Then you put it on
That was four months ago
You haven't taken it off since
It's my man cardigan
I always wear my gear
My wardrobe is devolving
You are not hairy enough to pull off the look
I know that i don't have enough hair
This shirt comes in with built in boobies
A flannel bra in my case might work
Jammy bras
The people want to hear about Oprah
Sure they do
You never know who could pop by Oprah's studio
I could get a Kindle
We drive to Harpo Studios
Based on Grammy's address advice
It's gonna cost to park here
Too much snow this year
Everyone's gone back to the old country
It's 4:30 a.m.
Where's Harpo Studios?
Huh?
Turns out we were 10 blocks off
Just look for the 50-foot tall flashing Oprah statue
I thought it was on south Michigan
It's far away from where you are
They don't put up with anything
The Oprah rules
Handheld facial scanners
They make sure you can't get in again
Drama just getting there
The warm up chick shows up
She's lame
I could have killed it
So I got the opporutnity to speak
It was my shot to get my mom on the show
I love this
I made them go wild in warm up
They brought me a boom mic
Held by a girl named Boom Mic
4 minutes to show
This woman in the front row starts puking
Oprah went all diva after her first segment
Oprah, are you going to let your hormones be the excuse not to lose weight this year?
Damn!
That reminds of me of my trip last month
The one to Drew Peterson's cul de sac
Stuck in a snow drift
Feeling dirty
Why would you stalk a serial killer?
You are so stupid sometimes, Kris
What?
You would have went with me if you knew
No
Well, I wouldn't have gotten stuck

Tags: Kindle Oprah show Harpo Studios Drew Peterson flannel bra Handheld facial scanner