improv class | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

UCB Improv Classes, Subway Rats, It Won't Fit

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 15:52:52 -0500

Episode: #619
Length: 27:40
Format: mp3

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My tore up voice
It's leaving a comment right now
Betsy graduates another level one comedy class
Placebo
That is a stupid word
Not even three minutes in
Roll with it, baby
You should take my classes
Toastmasters or Improv
Get on UCB team
What is wrong with this guy?
I care
He can't do that to my wife
At a Chucky Cheese?
They're all wrong
Alternative lifestyle
What did you do?
You can't roll with that
Redirect from that?
How?
The joke about one wing
You gotta recall that
Wrap up this wing
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: comedy classes nyc subway rats upright citizens brigade

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 07, 2007

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:48:30 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-07.mp3
Show: #443
Length: 34:47
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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It's Tell a Friend Friday!
Get out there and tell somebody about the show
Leave those comments on the posts
I'm going to commission something for you for Christmas, Kris
A bronze statue?
No, a paint by numbers
There has to be a service online like that
My paint by number would be one number
Yeah, with a bucket of porcelain white paint
Your improv classes are coming to an end
Sure I got one more to go
All anxious about this job stuff
You are like a woman this way, Kris
Your puffy cuffedness blasting
My beard was all jacked up
I needed a trim
The website can't see the fact you shouldn't
No shaving it off
I do enough repulsive crap in my day
I set you up with a barber for a beard trim
It wasn't a regular barber, it was mans man barber
So anyway I went to improv
It was great, I gave up the scene
He said, you intimidate me
The stay at home intimidator
I thought should I go with Kris to the man spa
Is Kris going to end up getting a happy ending massage?
Funny you should say that, I did get a free massage
I roll in right on time
They ask me my name
He had the pencil line goatee
That weird etched on looking beard thing
Kind of like a Backstreet boys
Head back to the lounge
What do you mean?
The cigar lounge in the back
Leather couches, flat screen TV
This woman walks in
She a masseuse
Would you like a free massage?
Sure
I don't any cash, I know this isn't free
Yeah, you gotta tip
Don't you have to get out to your job at The Buckle?
Yes, I also have a degree from there
You gotta be on the inside to tell a certain type of joke
I am on this inside
She was kneeding you dough and commenting that you were buff?
That is why I was laughing so so hard
I'm slumped in front of a computer all day
My muscles are dough
It was the sales pitch
I didn't take my shirt off
This was an 'over the clotheser'
Is that on the board?
I'll take an, a . . . over the clotheser
I meet the barber
When I say that I don't have time for a shave
The barber tells me that he can't just trim my beard
Without the shave he won't do it
I felt like I was in a Larry David episode
I had to argue with this man for 10 minutes to get in the chair
"It's all about chair time"
I'm in a really big hurry
I will pay you for the chair time
No, no you won't
I tell him that I am leaving
He says, come on back, I'll do it
"But you don't understand that I don't just do dis. I do dis."
I told him that knew he was an artist but I just need a trim
It all went down horribly
I can't even show people how bad my goatee looks
Oh, it sucks
Yeah, you look really bad Mr B
It's like my bad perm but on your face
Betsy thanks Markx again for the stuff
Especially, Thrift Score Zines
Marie Down South, the thrifty stripper
Tell your friends about the show . . . it's Friday!!!

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Tags: Thrift Score beard trim masseuse Backstreet Boys Marie Down South

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 26, 2007

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:22:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-26.mp3
Show: #425
Length: 29:27
Size: 20.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 26, 2007

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Super short show notes
I need to get to bed
Betsy is Wheel of Fortune crazed
The symptoms of crazy
You get money just for being on the show
It's your first hit of heroin
No you are drawing parallels between me and lab rats
Everyone gets excited about it
No you can't dumpster dive at night in an alley
I can't do it during the day
Well, you need backup
What did you say to me?
Thanks, Kris, for making me do the shows
It's paying off
Improv rocks
Casting calls suck
I have been on the casting side
Very personal
You don't have the balls to be a casting agent?

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Tags: Wheel of Fortune Chicago improv classes dumpster diving industrials

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:46:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-26.mp3
Show: #415
Length: 27:29
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

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Parents of multiples speak up
Was a great set of comments
The singletons get the message
I thought the Planned Parenthood thing would get people going
Finding out what you have in common where you think you wouldn't
We do have a lot in common
Sure they might be busy Sunday morning
Yeah, all house-wifery
The excitement level is raising
We are off to California in two days
Betsy doesn't recall the truth
You and your brontosaurus brain got us in to this
The problems with your story
They said, "yes"
Not my fault I can't read woman
No means yes and yes means no
Power of attorney to admit the kids to the hospital?
You say my family is crazy!
Your family goes off the deep end
They get stressed and you would think the world is ending
Now she's upset because she bought me some clothes too
Zeus jumps up on bed
Mom sighs, "he's a big pain in the ass"
I'm more worried about him than the kids
I pick up on these things because I am a woman
So do you want me to board him? No
I board the dog and come back, I boarded the dog, thank you!
We don't like him because he chews up everything
They would be good to go if he didn't eat their faces
I had dogs when I was a kid, suck it up
Your kid is a puffy cuff like you
You need so much chaos in your life baby
We do not need need another beastie running around this house
You are the only person that he doesn't pee on
Betsy will clean the house but leave the cow bones laying everywhere
The reality is that the dog eats anything that he can
The rule of fish . . . if it fits in its mouth it eats it
I think that is true
So it's like your mother
I'm late on the laugh . . . my lungs are messing with me
I got a fix Mr B
I have a pill upstairs calls "placebo"
Baby you better go and get it
New spam coming in for Viagra Pro
Seriously do we need Viagra Pro?
Speaking of Viagra, Mr B
So at my improv class I said, "Don't forget to take your Viagra"
Got a big laugh
Teacher asks me where that came from
Absolutely joking and deadpan, "I have been married 10 years"
Dead silence . . . I said it was a joke but not loud enough
Now when I meet these people I am going to be Mr. Limpy
Yeah, Mr Limpy Betsy's bitch
Jeanie came up to visit
I took her to lunch and to the resale shops
Which one?
People don't kill people
Nice
Then we went to a real clothing store
Seriously, good idea to take Jeanie with you
I don't want to look schlubbtastic
Jeanie has a hard time telling me what she thinks
I told her not to hold back
What about Conde Nast Portfolio?
You look at the pictures
I just choose from the mannequins
Sure enough this store doesn't have any
Jeanie gets real comfortable with her criticism
It looks like 3 kids are going to pop out and say "boo"
We got a lot going on
I been bringing
My laugh is gone
Everything that I have said lately is hilarious
I know that going out in public with you brings the funny

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Tags: Halloween schlubbtastic Jeanie Bowen Conde Nast Portfolio Viagra Pro

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 10:00:26 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-14.mp3
Show: #410
Length: 34:42
Size: 23.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

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Early insert for TFF - Tell a Friend Friday
Go out and tell a friend about Croncast
We now have a way for you to even tell strangers
STICKERS! They'll be here on Tuesday
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Now to the show notes
Trescadecaphobes yesterday was the day
Today it is safe it is the 14th
It was a good 13th for me
You are on a nerd high Mr. B . . . I'm gonna let you roll
Yeah, I am stoked
I saw in Google Reader that TechCrunch 40 had 5 press/blogger passes available
Sent Jason Calacanis a message
Hour and a half later I was good to go
So thanks to Jason . . . I am really looking forward to the event
I'll crank out some podcasts
Thanks to Rick and Robin for putting me up next week
I'll get to see the solar panels
We should buy carbon credits from them
It's good to be all in Mr B
Like I said, you've got to strike while the iron is hot
Can I now tell my story, Kris
I had a creepy thing happen to me last night
I gotta thank people
I don't tell people thank you enough
You don't
I know baby
I had the best lesson taught to me by my uncle
He sent me a thank you note
Then on the back it said, "This is what a thank you not looks like."
He told you!
Betsy's problem is she buys them and writes them but just doesn't follow through
The only person that always gets them in neighbor . . . I can walk them over
So what happened on your dark night
Yeah, your creepy story . . . sorry that I asked
Get off the stage bitch
I don't have to work with anyone
I reallize that I left my purse in the bar
The drunk bouncer stops me and cuts me off
He's a drunk frat boy
Where them diet chocolate shakes at
He gets all up in my face
Sucking in my oxygen, that close
Listen, I am as old as dirt
We get into this battle of the wits
My she is fabulous . . . she is so witty
Do you know what he did?
Started crying
No, he kissed me
Silence
The most disgusting moment of my life
I know you stepped back into his personal space
So he kissed you . . . where?
My lips
I was shocked
I can't believe you are telling me now, not last night
You didn't seem to mention it
Yeah, I'm running away with the bouncer
Takes a certain type of dude to handle a lady like you
Don't take that personally
Your behavior can be interpreted different ways
I did not invade this man's space
Think of the sweet alley action he gets
I gotta tell you not a big fan of improv night or Bar Louie
I didn't expect to hear this
No, I don't find it alright to deal with
The most competent individual you can hire for $6
The score is 1 me, you 0
The reason that I have an issue with it is that I would have rumbled
I would have hit him
Really?
Notice how I said I would have hit him, not kicked his ass
Oh, Mr. B
Improv class might not be my thing
Betsy tells us all about improv
You are milking that imaginary cow all wrong
Oh, no, no . . . I was in FFA I know how to milk a cow city man

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Tags: Bar Louie TechCrunch 40 Jason Calacanis TFF croncast stickers

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:53:05 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-03.mp3
Show: #405
Length: 33:11
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

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Short show notes:
Betsy can't handle not mocking me during
How can I now mock you?
Kris had to do the intro 27 times
No way
August melted like a warm pat of butter in the sun straight into September
Celebrating a laborless birthday
I can't handle it
The worst joke that Betsy ever attempted
Wow did that bomb
Been a crazy weekend around here
We're broke
Thankfully we live in Pleasantville
Oh my god the cup is so half empty for you
What else do you want?
The park public bathrooms have Corian
The man tells me he is good at that point
Those games cost money . . . who wants to pet goats?
I wanna go on this ride . . . suck it up
Daddy doesn't make enough money
It's character building Mr. B
The photos like this chicken riding a llama
This chicken sees your soul

Maggie was super excited to ride the ponies
The chicken on the llama . . . she never thought of that
The 8 by 8 portable animal corral
Filled with animals
Pigs are doing figure 8's around the llama's feet
It wasn't a petting zoo it was a petting corral
Same thing happened with Elliot at Lake Holiday
The kids get on to the sand pile
The super farmer, Farmer Rollo, comes walking to his truck
Farmers look like retired Floridians they are so tan
Silver hoop earing . . . a pirate farmer
That man is an owner operator
I run this joint, that's my 8 by 8 pen bitch
It was funny when he came sauntering by with blood spurting from his face
He's hustling to his truck
Applying pressure to his face
What's wrong with you?
The pig bit me
The thing about the pigs is they were 10 weeks old
They go vicious
Thought of his probiscus as a teet
He wants the Jaycees contract for next year
Maybe some more horses next year
The animals were all in good shape
Eventually he stops the bleeding
He tried everything he could in his truck
He was trying to be casual about it
One of those things that was interesting to watch
OSHA would have take him to task
That pig should have been at least 12 inches from your face
I won't tell you what they do to the runts
Speaking of death
We watched the Mount Everest thing on NBC
They left the guy behind
Poked him in the eye to make sure he was dead
Next day . . . he's awake and talking to new climbers
Can I talk to you about improv class?
Sure you can lay it out for me
He's a professional extra
The goal is to succeed as a team
Right, they aren't supposed to be laughing at one of you
Betsy, you have to hold it back
Am I sassy? No
Am I hyper? No
Am I a bossy bitch? Yes
You have to stop steam rolling over everyone
You need to remember that you run over people
I am glad you are having someone point this out to you
We are an ensemble and the rest of your life should be that way
I hear people laughing all day in my head

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Tags: Corian Farmer Rollo Pleasantville baby pigs OSHA

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 31, 2007

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 10:00:08 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-31.mp3
Show: #404
Length: 30:50
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 31, 2007

Another day of short show notes. Apologies to my people.

Today is Tell A Friend Friday. Pick one of your people and let'em know about the show. Next week I'll make this easier with some links to some of the favorite shows, but for now feel free to tell your friend about your favorite show.

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Short show notes:
Betsy mimics the intro word for word with her telepathy Why the hell are you the director Mr. B?
You are busting the chemistry
It's a good thing that we can still speak after 11 years of marriage
You wouldn't have ever done this show if it weren't for me
Baby, you take some improv classes and now you want to be in charge
I'm going to Boca to sit on my driveway and watch traffic
I'll tell you about direction
You have started telling the same jokes to new people
I have to stand there and act like they are brand new and funny
It's not tired I just have make sure it fits
Very timely . . . but if they listened to show #101 they would realize that I made that joke the first time around
Mr B! I would never steal your jokes
That is why I am directing . . . I watch you tell these jokes
I won't expect you to show up every time
So you stole the joke from Judy?
Comment time
Come over and see my new dog . . . it's a Lab
Uh, sorry to tell you your square faced dog is a pit bull
No, Betsy, it is pit bull and lab
The dog doesn't like men
What it mans to wear pineapple pants
CaptRespect (thanks for the write up) asks about cyclists
Rosa says Betsy should be on What Not to Wear - I agree
Her friends have already threatened to do it
Dan asks, why does he like this show so much? Kris's jokes . . . next question
Cyclists make us jealous because they get up so early and are fit
Easy way to tell a friend about the show . . . just do the intro to the show for your friend.

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Tags: pineapple pants What Not To Wear CaptRespect pit bulls telepathy

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:45:47 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-17.mp3
Show: #398
Length: 29:56
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

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I'm losing my voice again
Thanks to your children
Serves you right!
Mr. "In a minute"
Hitting refresh is not a job
Doing who is queries all day
The fact that you know what a who is query is . . . time for love love
The pitter patter of Gigi upstairs
Don't spray that in your eye
Maggie locked me in the basement
Every woman in this house locks me in the basement
Once she realizes I am on one side and she is on the other she freaks out
Daddy, daddy dadddy
I begin to stress because I hear the crying
It activates that parental thing in me
There is one way out other than crawling out
A big man in a small window
Yeah, it is like fat women and little dogs
I begin yelling for the other one to come and unlock the door
The dogs start barking
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I start yelling up the vents hoping Elliot would hear me
Why didn't you just stick one man titty at a time out the window and ease out
You need to get out of the house Mr. B
I really wish we could spend time together at things like the Great American Yard Sale
You could be my wing man Mr. B
Anyways, I got you
Who wants to play with plushies with you
Betsy does improv class night two
It will make me a better listener, Kris
It has brought insight into your life
I have learned what it is like to be a man
Someone will redirect you in the moment and you can move on
I just think you've got a brain like golden retriever
I don't have to be a tree at home
We should have a family game night with improv games
Oh, wait I have an idea . . . how about family HTML programming night right before dessert
The new dude walks in to class and he is a programmer
I thought you were a coder
I can smell it on your breath
What does it smell like?
Your mother's basement
It was super fun
I had a near death experience Mr. B
How does that happen when all you do is go and get coffee and hit up Goodwill
I put down the mocha latta
I'm parked next to a big shiny Lexus
Maggie freaks and I open my car door into the car
Then I see that the car is occupied
Fuck you and your fucking small car
The woman gets out of her car very slowly
I don't know what you are supposed to do in that situation
It's a Volvo, it's bullet proof, don't touch me
It gets worse
I did what any self respecting mommy would do
I lick my shirt and rub the mark off her car
She makes eye contact and says, "Stop licking my car"
My ass was grass
Get your lips off my Lexus
I had successfully removed the scratch with my magic eraser finger
I hit your car but I successfully slimed off the mark
The dust of Elk Mountain
I would get arrested for that
I know what I am going to do
I ran
I ran away from her
I picked up Maggie and ran
If she hits my car, well, it is insured
I wasn't going to wait until she popped out my eye teeth
Betsy will minimize anyone else's shit
Just because you don't care about your car doesn't mean other people don't
The Dust of Montrose
Was my greatest vacation ever
Your not helping me out Mr. B
The Great American Yard Sale has moved to a mall parking lot
Westfield shopping center won't know what hit
Welcome to camp Junk Ass
One legged box races
There are some one legged people that can gallop
I need you to help me out
I'll get there at four in the morning and it will give me a 10 minute head start
They stole my Jaguar off my hood
What it the whole point of owning the Jaguar is the stupid little shiny thing
Yeah, now it is next to some kids tee ball trophy
Dealership says none in stock
Ornament $211, labor $78 and with tax it will be about $330
Didn't you have any markings on it?
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Black Lexus Great American Yard Sale improv class Dust of Montrose Jaguar hood ornament

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:33:00 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-15.mp3
Show: #397
Length: 29:34
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

photo on left by dave winer and photo on right by josh hallet thanks to both!

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The nerd things that drive me crazy
Betsy is going to find me a online geek mistress
That would be sweet
You go ahead and marry that girl Mr. B
After days of this haven't you had enough?
Apologies for no show on Monday
I blew it on Sunday and had to take the red eye
No one wants to hear your drama
If it were done on graph paper it would have all been good
I didn't hear any of this "life would be better on paper" at Gnomedex
Here's what made it so cool
I had my nerds on one hand and my baby on the other
It was our 11th wedding anniversary
Yeah, and you take me to a nerd convention
Your nerd buddies are cooler and much more high functioning than I thought
Apologies to me for the ewok comment
A dude was dressed as a pirate
It was just one guy
The 12 sided dice and hoods were missing
The 11th wedding anniversary is as special as turning 36
Up to 10 you are swimming upstream . . . after that . . . floating in a tube
Seattle is a great place
You didn't plan our dinner Mr. B
Yes I did . . . reservations are a plan!
That is a large step
The restaurant turned out to be really nice
There was an attentive gay waiter
Can you hire one of those for me here at home
The beautiful view
Then a 3 story tall lighted Cadillac Escalade barge floated by
Nice view
The other awesome part was that you got to meet some listeners
Mark is an awesome guy
I know I told you that
Yeah, but you are usually wrong
At the party I saw the nerds trying to sink into their ringer tees
You have blossomed like a $10 orchid
Having social skills, Mr. B you have grown
Betsy got to see me in my element
I still don't get your people
Let's take Kosso for instance?
You can't pick Kosso he is normal
What about the guy dressed as a pirate Mr B?
The dudes that split a suit
The pic on right above is from the Thursday night out
Strange woman talking to us, looks at floor and walks away
The nerd wife put one shiny shoe right in front of him
My Nerd!
This nerd off limits
She busts out, "Well, I dress him!"
Not in a ha ha way
I don't understand your "Party Only" badge
She scared me
Those chicks look alright . . . "The Women of WarCraft"
God Damn
I'm not in to that type of stuff
These chicks were hot on a nerd level scale
We're going to score some mad nerd ass tonight
My people were talking to you because you were a personable lady
You've got nerd engagement skills
You've got to pretend your eyes are lasers
Yep, right here buddy
Asking a nerd what they do is not the right thing to ask
It is always difficult to explain
You asked me what the hell do you do?
Then tell them my title . . . right, what does that mean
The guy on the way home asked me, what do you do?
What was your reply Betsy?
I do nothing. I buy and sell shit.
So your husband is a nerd? Are you a nerd?
No
Do you podcast?
Yes
How many times a week?
3
You're not a nerd?
Do you sell your stuff online?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
Do you watch Heroes?
Yes
Watch John From Cincinnati?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
When buying swag for nerd events don't buy them white shirts
The other great part for me was first alcoholic beverage in 10 years
I had to announce it because you called me the teetotaling nerd husband
Not he hardcore found Jesus type of not drinking
That's not it Betsy
My first drink was Jagermeister with Aaron Brazell
I broke the seal and enjoyed the libations
Had an awesome time on Saturday night with Mark, Greg, Aaron, Kosso, Steve, Josh, Dave C., Mike, Chris, Michael and Dave D.
Not having to be on, Betsy's specialty
Betsy does her first improv class
Pretend you are a tree
Were you there?
My theater background is you know . . .
Yeah, lying under a theater major once doesn't count
My neighbor is in this class
Leave us some comments
Great American Yard Sale is this weekend
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Gnomedex 2007 Seattle Great American Yard Sale improv class The Women of WarCraft Jagermeister