picture | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

betsy says . . .

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:07:57 -0500

that this is the best description of where i come from. i will say that all these pictures in this series are underpinnings of who i am.

Tags: series underpinnings pictures say best

don't question it, people! i am your overlord.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:59:22 -0500

maggie was keeping it very real today by asking for her picture to be taken and then refusing to smile for me.

one thing is for sure, if you take lots of shots one of them will turn out.

Tags: smile refusing sure shots turn

Season 20 Ep 15: Dumpster Golf, Penny Drop, Fancy Hood

Mon, 12 May 2008 13:54:32 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-12.mp3
Show: #490
Length: 19.6
Size: 28:32 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Betsy likes the amens to her sermons
Now they can tell me to mow my lawn
We are way more boring than the show
The picture in her head of you was repulsive
Good thing she didn't see a real picture
I despise this time of year the most
Why?
The grass grows
I hate the mowing
Pulling back that shade for bits of sunlights
I am the Boo Radley of the neighborhood
I have been honing my skills without you
Something new to the Resale Queen toolbox
Not the Billy Squire stroke
A body bag full of bubble wrap
A body bag?
I tried to do a Penny Drop
That was for those of you that too kindergarten gymnastics
Tetanus shot for junking license
I had to have the bubble wrap
So I went to Goodwill
Fast like a bunny
I bought a Titleist
Golf club
We playing gold today mommy?
Yes, Maggie, dumpster golf
Your Titleist for dumpster diving
Your like a gorilla in the mist
Your people were the strain that hung on the jungle floor
Mine were smarter and more motivated
Now, I bring home the bananas
It's all about who brings home the bacon
I am forever grateful that you make enough for me to dig in a dumpster
We found your wife, sir.
Behind what store?
It could be worse, I could be a scrap booker
It is a services
I'm not going to mess with these women
They are serious
Treating things better
Betsy flattens a tire on my car
I'm driving slow on your rim
You were right next to the car dealership
Why didn't you just go there?
You used to recruit truck drivers, you talk to him
Sorry to be so vaginal
I just gave up
Why is he trying to change the tire?
Does he know how to change a tire?
Yeah, that's a lot of money for a fancy hood
They say that to a lot of women who get labia surgery too

Tags: Titleist gold club the bacon penny drop gymnastics

Croncast stickers in the wild

Thu, 08 May 2008 08:16:54 -0500

Here are some shots of Croncast stickers that have made it out of the manpit and found caring new owners. Thanks for representin'!

Photo by: Josh Bancroft

Josh knows what time it is!

Photo by: glemak

So do glemak.

Photo by: Jesse Marvin

I don't think Betsy has ever been this close to a pitbull before.

If you've got a Croncast sticker picture send it on, we'll make you famous . . . or something.

I've been asked in the past who we used for our stickers and will throw it in here since they have awesome customer service, Sticker Giant.

Updates:

Photo by: Stepan Mazurov

Tags: ipod touch Sticker Giant Croncast stickers

Maggie's haul

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:23:52 -0500

right now this betta is try to kill my fingers.

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Tags: download quicktime video visit player

Season 20 Ep 2: Tijuana Jellies, Rent a Goat, Living Through Kids

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:27:16 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-07.mp3
Show: #477
Length: 33:02
Size: 22.7 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: TBD. Stop by and buy them a drink or two!

It's like having naked people on web site
Sure, it is nerd porn
If you had a math site
You could put up a really hot formula
Don't open your eyes it will make it real
Big weekend and Betsy alone time
I found out alone time is overrated
I love the kids but I didn't miss them
Normally when I am alone, I am with Vicky
That means you are not alone
You guys spend too much time together
Something like that
Betsy you watch Vicky
Security has your picture up on the wall
Did I ever tell you about Vicky almost being kidnapped?
No, you never have
But it explains a lot about your relationship
Vicky is going to get a goat if she moves to Virginia
That's is like having a girlfriend in Canada
"I have a goat in Virginia"
Rent a goat
Yeah, they call them petting zoos
I just want a goat petting zoo
Tell me about the kidnapping story
Was my mom baby sitting you?
Vicky was in the cart
I was cramped and pushed in underneath
I looked like a giraffe in a VW
She is 2 1/2 and you are 7 1/2
This woman grabs Vicky
But she is stuck
You know how kids get stuck in carts
Sure maneuvering them out
She was panicking and pulling
My mom lost her mind
What are you doing the whole time
I was like whatever
The woman runs out of the store
My mom's first reaction was to yell at me
Not call the cops
I gotta sit down so low to see the cereal
I don't know what it is
Get the hell over it
You are crazy
Your sister must think once a week what my life would have been like
Divorced with two kids
Lifetime movie moments
Jesus Christ, you look like a victim, suck it up
Mom picks up Vicky and says, "Run!"
I lied about my size them
It was expensive in California
I had to wear Jelly shoes 3 sizes to small
I begged my mom at a dollar store
Sure your Tijuana Jelly Sandals
There are times when you can't afford shit
Standing in line at the Louisiana post office
So for Christmas they shipped me chameleons in a box
They arrived not alive

Tags: Jelly Shoes Mexico rent a goat parental reaction pup pup

Rant: Strategic blog commenting? Strategic tweeting?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:23:42 -0500

Listen up Mr. and Mrs. internet marketer, your actions are sour, insincere and totally transparent as to your desire to dupe someone into clicking your link in an attempt to make a buck. You are full of shit and we know it. And, your students suck even worse at it.

Here is one example of "strategic blog commenting" by an idiot following the advice to get Google alerts for keywords related to his/her own site:

"Thank you for providing such useful info about dogs. The picture at this page is beautiful and love to eat one, look delicious." - Internet Marketing Douche Bag (real name hidden to protect the innocent)

The user email was admin@ourdataentry.com and the user URL linked back to a site about dog care. I'd say contextually there is something amiss here since the photo, other comments and title all indicated that the post was about hot dogs.

In this group I am not talking solely about the automated comment spammers that originally made our lives miserable but this new wave of get rich quick, "My internet marketing coach told me to do this" and internet marketing coaches, themselves.

As you and your people strive for authenticity, I believe that is one or your credos, maybe that term is no longer used, but you are about as authentic as a Gucci purse at a swap meet.

The entire reason for this post is because the comment above showed up next to a message from twitter that I was now being followed by 'helpmycashgrow'. Are you kidding me? You people make my head hurt. He also dropped this gem - "At work right now, at least i'm "supposed" to be working". Sir, you give me the confidence to let you help me grow my cash.

So now that people are strategic tweeting as a piece of their better mouse trap I would also like to call out the ass kissers on twitter, those trying to make an impression with someone that they don't know by disparaging another twitter user who comments directly with the person you are trying to kiss up to. Just don't do it. Might turn out that the disparaged and the ass kissee are good friends and the ass kissees other friends read that you are disparaging their friend.

Again we can see you for what you are but when you stoop to a troll level it is even more apparent that you have nothing to add except a desire to, as you perceive it, move up the food chain.

My hope is that you will all go back to infomercials and ripping off the elderly with home improvement scams. But I am guessing your type is here to stay and I just need to get better at filtering you out.

Tags: Internet Marketing Coaches Suck Teach Yourself and Save Your Money

Season 19 Ep 22: Workahol, Collecting Pennies, Astro Van

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:50:33 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-19.mp3
Show: #469
Length: 27:10
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Taking you to the hospital was a bit comedic
You are such an ass
Listen, it had to be done
I asked you not to put that picture on the internet
You did and then 20 minutes later you said put it up
Technologically challenged isn't something you can plead
Sell all of your clothes and buy an iPod
That is the way it should be done
"We're going to have to start an IV"
No, no, no
It gave me a flashback to giving blood
Those self-satisfied, holier than though bloodletting freaks
Sitting around sipping orange juice and eating vanilla wafers
Even the dancing blood drop
He is the smuggest prick around
I've had two children the IV was the worst part
Just do it
Don't tell me about it
This was a serious deal
You couldn't let this thing fester
I was down here digging ditches for you
I am going to get you a bottle a Workahol
I gotta be here to support you
Waskily wabbit do I need to you to show up in a crisis
The tables were completely reversed
You give me
You gotta put the antibacterial stuff on on it
Clean your dog bite wounds right away
You should immediately go to hospital for wound
Can you scratch my butt with your tooth
Then you get bitten
Now it is trying to kill you
The other angle that is happening
No you are trying to work from your mobile phone
Betsy went off the deep end
You became party Betsy
I did like 30 minutes of stand up
Filling in the gaps for Betsy
Then you did the laugh
I can't stand the whole blood thing
She hit a good vein
The nurse goes "Whoah!"
"You don't feel that?"
They just cut you
You're gonna be ok though
I have it on video
I know, the nurse didn't think to stop me
That won't hold up in court when you say Macy's dressing room
There was blood everywhere
The blood pooled in your elbow pit
Yeah, and you were over there drinking your Workahol
The ball was in court
Yes, it was kind of humorous
You were twittering the whole time
I wasn't doing that
I will scroll through your twitter record
You got through it very well
As an outpatient they said, double the drugs
Bit by the meanest shihtzu on the planet
During the intake you have to fill out the dog attack form
The dogophilia love that you suffer from
I knew the answer would be . . . it wasn't the dogs fault, it was mine
You people are crazy
It is the abuse gene
There were other women at the hospital say the same thing
Two nurses said the same thing!
My 15 yo dog bit me too
I know it was my fault and you laughed with her
You domesticated a wolf and invited it into your home
It is not your fault that they bite you
It is part of their nature
Mostly subdued but it is inherent in their personalities
Speaking of 15 pound one toothed animals
I saw Billy Bob Thornton and his band play in Austin
Riding in a Lesbian's Astro Van to dinner
She has a huge freezer bag full of stuff
It is dried peppers and tomatoes
He starts to eat some
The convince some people to try it
She's got the sweet Astro van
I know not to eat strange food in a mini van with two lesbians
What is it season with?
It as a 0 point yeast
The guy next to me spits it out across my lap
A zero point yeast!
Billy Bob Thornton was playing at Antone's
Real pennies prior to 1982

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: astro van shihtzu bite workahol collecting pennies zero point yeast gum

New Flickr Uploadr makes me want to upload

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:08:51 -0600

I caught this blog post this morning about the Flickr release of an updated version of their desktop uploader.

It is a much needed upgrade and . . . and . . . for those of you, like me, that use Flickr for backing up your photos will love that the new version doesn't force you to resize large images. Being able to archive my original images to Flickr just made the service even more useful.

It's available for Windows and Mac. However, at Flickr the links for the download are still pointing to the old version.

Get version 3.0 in the original post.

Thanks, DI and Yahoo!

Tags: Flickr Uploadr desktop upload Flickr uploader 3.0 archive flickr

Kris Smith - New Media Expert For Hire

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:16:39 -0600

Time to plug myself like I have no shame!

Thus, in the true spirit of being shameless, I will create this unabashed self-promoting bit of text to tell you about the Kris Smith that many of you don't know.

Planet earth had just escaped the Y2k bug so we bought our first computer since they didn't destroy the world they must be okay. So in early 2000 I taught myself how to use Wavelab to edit audio and later that same year I took my first programming class to learn HTML. The rest is history, as they say in the biz.

In the last seven years, I've accomplished more things in digital media and web development than I could have ever anticipated:

1. Developed and coded the first version of Castlock a New Media and metrics platform
2. Founded the world's first company dedicated to podcast production
3. Worked with and produced for Fortune 500 companies
4. Spoken at conferences and universities across the United States about RSS, New Media and podcasting
5. Developed moderated media RSS feeds (mmRSS) for episodic and archived content delivery via RSS
6. Gained a network of professional colleagues across the globe
7. Interviewed celebrities and professional athletes
8. Became certified in DVD authoring software used for major motion pictures

If you have the hankering to check out my full repertoire and could use a self-starter with innovative skills, you can visit my Linkedin page, download my resume or search "Kris Smith" in your favorite search engine.

Tags: RSS guru Podcasting professional PHP Castlock New Media expert RSS expert

Not because of Andrew Keen, but because of the medium

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:15:36 -0500

The winner for my attention tonight was 20+ minutes was the A&R Channel, ARC, buried deep in the Comcast On Demand menu system.

Don't get me wrong here people, I am lucky to have gotten out alive to write this.

What sits in the bowels of ON Demand is usually bite sized bits of crap buried five menus deep under a layer of mediocre software and a UI so thick that I loathe entering into it. It's like content quicksand.

Tonight, however, I survived and found something so awesome and worthy that I thought it was time to shout about it. In the Music section of ON Demand there was a button, link, what have you, that listed the A&R Channel. I pressed OK to select it (and so should you) and then paged to the second menu for Keen on Media. Clicked it. Then read the info on ARC: Andrew Keen (yes, that Andrew Keen) interviews Ken Hertz, a dude who makes a living as music attorney.

I guess the reason that I am so excited about this is that I watched a show that looked like it was a podcast. It looked like it came from the internet. It looked like it was playing from that Apple device that puts moving pictures on my TV set. And not to be left out . . . the content was niche. When was the last time you watched something on television and a guest said Web 1.0, Web 2.0 and Web 3.0 in succession? Never.

There sitting in front of me were the guys from the picture above, a media attorney and Mr. Cult of the Amateur, participating in the future of television; the marriage of IPTV, podcasts, internet shows, our television sets and the traditional distribution of cable and satellite programming.

So who's making it happen?

From what I can tell from quick research it appears to be Seth Shapiro or his company New Amsterdam Media. Does anybody know for sure?

Tags: A and R Channel Andrew Keen Ken Hertz Keen on Media Seth Shapiro Comcast ON Demand

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:46:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-26.mp3
Show: #415
Length: 27:29
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Parents of multiples speak up
Was a great set of comments
The singletons get the message
I thought the Planned Parenthood thing would get people going
Finding out what you have in common where you think you wouldn't
We do have a lot in common
Sure they might be busy Sunday morning
Yeah, all house-wifery
The excitement level is raising
We are off to California in two days
Betsy doesn't recall the truth
You and your brontosaurus brain got us in to this
The problems with your story
They said, "yes"
Not my fault I can't read woman
No means yes and yes means no
Power of attorney to admit the kids to the hospital?
You say my family is crazy!
Your family goes off the deep end
They get stressed and you would think the world is ending
Now she's upset because she bought me some clothes too
Zeus jumps up on bed
Mom sighs, "he's a big pain in the ass"
I'm more worried about him than the kids
I pick up on these things because I am a woman
So do you want me to board him? No
I board the dog and come back, I boarded the dog, thank you!
We don't like him because he chews up everything
They would be good to go if he didn't eat their faces
I had dogs when I was a kid, suck it up
Your kid is a puffy cuff like you
You need so much chaos in your life baby
We do not need need another beastie running around this house
You are the only person that he doesn't pee on
Betsy will clean the house but leave the cow bones laying everywhere
The reality is that the dog eats anything that he can
The rule of fish . . . if it fits in its mouth it eats it
I think that is true
So it's like your mother
I'm late on the laugh . . . my lungs are messing with me
I got a fix Mr B
I have a pill upstairs calls "placebo"
Baby you better go and get it
New spam coming in for Viagra Pro
Seriously do we need Viagra Pro?
Speaking of Viagra, Mr B
So at my improv class I said, "Don't forget to take your Viagra"
Got a big laugh
Teacher asks me where that came from
Absolutely joking and deadpan, "I have been married 10 years"
Dead silence . . . I said it was a joke but not loud enough
Now when I meet these people I am going to be Mr. Limpy
Yeah, Mr Limpy Betsy's bitch
Jeanie came up to visit
I took her to lunch and to the resale shops
Which one?
People don't kill people
Nice
Then we went to a real clothing store
Seriously, good idea to take Jeanie with you
I don't want to look schlubbtastic
Jeanie has a hard time telling me what she thinks
I told her not to hold back
What about Conde Nast Portfolio?
You look at the pictures
I just choose from the mannequins
Sure enough this store doesn't have any
Jeanie gets real comfortable with her criticism
It looks like 3 kids are going to pop out and say "boo"
We got a lot going on
I been bringing
My laugh is gone
Everything that I have said lately is hilarious
I know that going out in public with you brings the funny

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Tags: Halloween schlubbtastic Jeanie Bowen Conde Nast Portfolio Viagra Pro

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 27, 2007

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 09:06:37 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-27.mp3
Show: #402
Length: 26:33
Size: 18.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 27, 2007

This podcast is brought to you by Palegroove Studios
This is a cantankerous show
Betsy goes away for the weekend as another person
She returns crazed
No I had an urge Mr B
It has nothing to do with you
"I hung out at Jeanies"
"Well, I went to the beer garden"
That isn't what you said
Who are you and where did you go this weekend?
That perfect moment
During that awkward pause it was time to stumble down to the tattoo joint
Jeanie said a tattoo on your face is stupid
You mean like the Kat Von D chick?
I like it when you like ladies on TV
It takes the pressure off of me
I don't know what the direction of today's show is
It is in your brain Mr B
No it isn't
You switch out of mommy mode when you go to see Jeanie
You become "that" Betsy
Calling why the kids are screaming
Elliot be nice to your sister
Betsy blows this way out of proportion
Maggie burned her hand on a hot dish
Mommy is drinking guys . . . let me put the buzz kill on speaker phone
The buzz kill? I had $200 in my bank account
I look before taking the kids to the zoo
Negative $150
It was your fault Betsy . . . I was calling to verify you made the payment
I didn't even call you one time to complain
Booba is pulling no punches
The picture you paint for people, baby
It is a good thing you didn't go running around
I really haven't told you the extent of what is going on two floors up
You need to be down here drumming up cash
The handy-men have been here en mass
Sometimes it does feel like I'm living with my mother
Zues pees on the Corvette driving bathroom tile guy . . . You're hired
All I see is Grizzly Adams making love to my dog
Kris's broken arm setting story
Betsy gets it all wrong
People never related to your small town stories, Kris
I know it is hard, but that is the way that most people live
You mean Kris Smith the basketball player
I swore a lot during this show
Keep it down . . . Grandpa's listening
Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes
Betsy says go an see Super Bad

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Kat Von D facial tattoos Super Bad beer garden Grizzly Adams

Betsy's Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club photos

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 21:10:39 -0500

Now that you already have some picture in your mind of what Betsy and Jeanie's Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla experience looked like, let me destroy it with the real thing.

I uploaded all 176 shots to flickr a few weeks ago and thought I would let the dust settle before making the set available.

Tags: Elk Mountain Resort Valhalla Shooting Club dust settle south western colorado club photos

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

The funny lady

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 20:44:52 -0500

I got this shot of Betsy earlier today.

She thinks that it is funny that Elliot is about to blast me with water while I try to take her picture.

Tags: Betsy Smith Best Podcast Kris Smith Betsy photo squirt gun

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 07:41:24 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-13.mp3
Show: #375
Length: 30:03
Size: 20.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 13, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

July 8th, live show, must get 10 peeps in seats by June 15th
The triscadecaphobes represent in full
Leave a comment like the post for the video of the show
Something that would force Betsy to wear a bra and brush her hair
Whatever Mr. B, I saw gnats swarming in your cubby
We should call your corner, "What's that smell"
Garbage to the left and plates to the right
And, and what?
I put on the Beast costume for you baby
Here's the auction
Betsy dressed up in a costume years ago and now it is my turn
I'm going to give the auction number
Betsy reads it all too fast
Then she gives them to us like were are idiots
That's teh thanks that I get for helping you with your costume
There's one watcher already
The gay trip wires were missing
The male flight attendant gives Kris a wink
I have to do something about my appearance
We have become morons
Intelligence is sucked up by your offspring as you fight for survival
Betsy's grammar has taken a dive or maybe we shouldn't record so late at night
Betsy's sister invited to one of those lady sex parties
A "Love" party
I don't want to hear about grandma's sex toys
There will be other people there, Betsy
Turns out there is no one else there
I keep my inventory at my parents house in the crawl space
Big black duffel bag
They search your bags no matter what
Then they steal your iPod
The Beast will get pulled aside
Yes, I need to shave off my goatee
Going the Billy Bob Thornton look is not good for you
I am embarrassed
"If you make yourself ugly"
Sex toys and Monte Carlos
Making a buck
No one sells out of their trunk anymore, there's this thing called the internet
Side effects of the Depo shot
I don't want to hear it
Just like the candle lady
What makes you think there's a future in vibrators?
So we leave
In the Jewel parking lot the Monte Carlo starting yelling at us
"Give it to me baby"
They were watching Wrestle Mania 4 on Tivo and decided to go get it on in the Jewel parking lot
No, Vicky, you can't take a picture
They were having some alone
They were saving their relationship
Getting your lady into the car for Monte Carlo love
Vacation number two for the summer is coming
Don't forget were doing a live show in Seattle, well we plan to
Post for that coming soon so that you can pseudo rsvp so we can get a head count

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Tags: Monte Carlo love male flight attendant brain drain Croncast Live Wrestle Mania

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 04, 2007

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:37:52 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-04.mp3
Show: #371
Length: 34:31
Size: 23.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 04, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

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Pick a post, any post to leave us a comment
Betsy starts the show by flossing with her own hair
Keeping in natural
Betsy gnawing on her hand
Kris says, "epididymitis" got his body part skin layers a bit off
Just swinging with the kids
Catherine the Great I am not
Why would you do that?
Are you kidding me
I've got the death march covered
I got a layer food to keep me alive for any miles long walk
Driving by all the closed down health clubs
They always open, they always go out of business
Locally owned and operated
Mega health clubs
Now the locals have signs like 27 months free
I asked who the hell would go there?
My dad
Le Beau's Health Club Aurora
Let the porn music play
Picture my dad as a tour guide
Using a lighter with your eyeliner
Le Beau's used to be in the country but now is surrounded by subdivisions
He would sit us down with a role of quarters
Maybe is just seedier in my memory
Mr. Le Beau comes on TV
We can't just keep open with the big
The leather bathing suite
I think it's great
I always thought Judy was fabulous
Cheated printed suede
Life Time Fitness is the one you are talking about
Everybody that joins gets a chubbiness check right away
The people come out with the pinchy things
It's fear marketing right your face
I know I'm fat, why else would I be here
They're telling you that you suck, you're worthless
And people are so sold on it
But if you work really hard you might be as cool as the receptionist
Waiting for the real estate class to start
She's 26 taking a stress test at Life Time?
Do you need another reason to hate yourself?
Lifetime is a fitness cult
They do it like other cults by getting into your head
Then they take your money and that of your other family members
And next is the indoctrination of your friends
Oh Mr. B
Busting my ass on eBay
No I'm not bitching at you
The Resale Queen post about the baby stuff
Jenny Rush rocks!
She stepped it up for the person here
Don't worry, Jenny Rush signed an NDA for our address ;-)
The first 6 months of his life she watched him during the day
Yeah, he had about 12 seizures today
Sure but it worked out because her son had the exact same type of epilepsy
He turned out okay, right Betsy?
Yeah, he became a doctor
No, he's gay
Kris, it doesn't get any better than a gay doctor son!
Who's gonna take care of you
If Elliot grows up and becomes a gay doctor I will join Life Time
What Jenny did was really cool
I am having that same sort of feeling that I had about 1 year into podcasting
There just is this network of people that keep doing things that we normally wouldn't be able to do because of proximity
Kris, this is the way that women take care of each other
All, I wanted to find was to find someone with a bigger trust fund than mine
And then I got you Kris
I got a trust fund!
A Folgers can full of Marlboro points up in the cabinet at my folks house
"You could have anything that you want baby, We're halfway to the pool table"
If I could hit rewind Bears
I would marry someone else, lived with him for 30 years, waited for him to die and then hooked up with you with his money
Oh, baby, I feel your bitterness
We go through the up periods and downs like everyone
Lately the introspection is a result of what great fortune has come to some friends
Their lives 3 years ago were completely different
For them it is a best case scenario type thing
Betsy is going to put her top 10 reasons that Naperville will change together

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Tags: Catherine the Great LeBeau's Health Club Aurora Marlboro points Folgers can Life Time Fitness

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 07:09:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-21.mp3
Show: #365
Length: 33:43
Size: 23.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 21, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more
Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

New intro/outro music . . . something from 2005 that I never used
Think of it as looking into a pool of water
I'll ask the audience to do the intro with me at the live show
You are pure saccharine Mr B
I'm the guy that the ladies date and I tell them I'm gonna marry them
Was Elliot born when I was making pizzas at the gas station?
What was that timeline?
Then you started making pizzas
Wasn't even in a place where I could get a job at a gas station
You want me clap for you because you are making pizzas at a gas station?
Motivation for really moving on . . . being called a loser
"I just want a job working with computers"
And look at me now!
Yeah, your forehead has burn in
That was one crazy time in our lives
I like how you set me up tonight
Oh, yeah the cell phone message
The IRS is finally coming?
Nope it's an invite to hang with Kris's family
Oh, you are such a drama . . .
I didn't say it . . . you are putting words in my mouth
That makes you a bad person Betsy
That is really unfair
I was expecting you to just hang not even listen
But yet the social worker in you piqued it's interest and you had to listen
If you want to go, Kris, it is fine with me
Asked the man if he wanted to see where his dad grew up
I know how this plays out
"We can take pictures"
The corvette will rumble out of the garage
The part of Kris that wants to trust them will come out
The Sopranos and my life
You are talking about your mother
Oh, god . . . somebody fast forward
If you need help . . . go and get it!
Setting boundaries is a good thing
Yeah, I have "sucker" written all over me
And second, if you family wasn't the way that it was we wouldn't be together
The muted male point of view of what happened in his life
I was born, I had sex for the first time at 13, I graduated from high school
The start of the first time I touched something
I had the skateboard from Sears
It was a fat one, not that thin shit
So you were now riding that around in the gravel
Interesting happening on your Route 34 45 mile long garage sale
We lived at the Lake Holiday not Sandwhich
That is a long way for garage sales
I do have to think ahead
The don't have anything post-WWF
Everything is so cheap
Mark those free and put them at the end of the driveway
You are going to attend event
My cellphone is at the bottom of my purse under dirty diapers and crackers
OK daddy I'm not going off the path
ADHD under control through bugs
Our grill that caught fire is taken for salvage by brother-in-law's pops
Oh will I miss last summer's fiasco reminder to clean our grill
Kris will get rid of it
Taking pictures of ourselves . . . shit, we are fat
It was that point of looking at them and realizing that those people are us
We can't take pictures of ourselves at any angle
I look like a grizzly bear trying to hump a rabbit
My stomach doesn't stick out that far . . . no, it's real . . . it does
In that photo she's lifting up my shirt
There is no plus that can come of it

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Tags: Lake Holiday Route 34 garage sales Croncast Live post WWF corvette

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 09:44:32 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-09.mp3
Show: #347
Length: 33:23
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 9, 2007

Kris is back from New York
Betsy starts drawing pictures of my forhead
Elliot, "Do you remember what happened after you had Maggie and you had beans in your arm?"
Lima beans in hosiery
It's April 9th . . . shouldn't the Unitarians be out burning something?
It's that time of year the fertility time
Unitarians have three open arms
The variety is what scares me
I like knowing that I can travel nearly 1000 miles from home
Look out my window and see McDonalds, Starbucks and a Friday's
Beyond the pavement
Town after town after town
Mr B, you're getting to be a worldly dude
I knew I was going to get yelled at
Everyday, I knew it was growing
No there was nothing going on Sunday
I should have left Saturday night
I had a really awesome time
Some people get to see Times Square . . . Croncast style I get to meet Geraldo
The News Corp Walk of fame
Big shout out to Jodi! Thank you so much for the tour. It was great to meet you!
I saw Bill O'reilly people getting Bill O'Reilly-ish
The nameplates, check these out
After the nameplates I come upon the General Lee of broadcasting
Check out the tattoos
They're not prison quality there old school
Right, your grandfather didn't have tattoos?
Not my side of the family, well mine did
So what did they look like?
Bill O'reilly on Anna Nicole's body?
No I'm sure he's going out to get that one later that day
Hey Nike listener's were calling you on the tour if you're down for August
Yeah these tours are cool, not the bus tour style
It's really cool to get these opportunities
Our listeners are really interesting folks
Have to say this . . . the people at Fox were great
Betsy was impressed by Jodi's purse
Coming to Seattle at the beginning of August
Mommy's depressed and daddy is out having fun
We're going to Atlanta in late August also
Let me tell you about my little General Lee
Betsy fills out the adopt-the-doggie-app
"One old lady should take care of another"
That sounds like a lesbian love ad
It doesn't sound like adopt a schnauzer?
The Red Hat Society, no sex . . . movies and chocolate
The doggies adopt out lady is the alpha dog
You're going to force me into buying one from a puppy mill
I need to see your two year old and the dog interact in a cage match
Elliot was a little gentleman
This woman is screening my children

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Tags: Geraldo The New Yorker Hotel Fox News Bill O'Reilly PodCampNYC Unitarian Holidays

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 05, 2007

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 07:28:52 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-05.mp3

Show: #335
Length: 31:09
Size: 21.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 05, 2007

Read the iTunes comments for me
Who couldn't use an ego boost before ni-ni's
I learned this about Betsy
What is their format called?
But you know all the songs . . . when the hell do you listen?
Betsy knows all the words and Maggie groovin
The tunes were inappropriate for the kids
Add that to the Super Bowl commercials
That commercial brought out more awkward silence nation wide than anyone else
People will just have awkward silence with Snickers bars from now on
The Doritos commercial?
Oooooh spicy
I wish I could drown myself in the salsa verde
Another awkward pause between mothers and children
Elliot asks what happened? Bed time happened. That's what happened
The innuendo and violence
Go Daddy commercials
The naked chicks at the podcast party didn't work on you Kris
Joining forces to work in your underwear
I do have the camera up here
I been doing that Jetsons thing
You're not down here making cheese
Actually I am
We could sell the floor sweepings to Kraft
Wearing man Jammies on my trip this week
I'll be in Boulder for the rest of the week working
Betsy toying with idea of renting a house in Boulder for the summer
Rent, plus mortgage
I watch too much Oprah not steal money from you
Instead of spending it she's putting it away
Saving money is Betsy's new addiction
Who are you to speak?
Around tax time, when I think about the money that went through my fingers
Nickelodeon hell on earth hotel
Any listeners been there? Let us know what it is like.
I've seen pictures of Disney and they are creepy
Happy people who have been thoroughly checked to walk around in cute costumes
I got county fair instead
Is there a place with carnies all year 'round
I can press charges or you can work at Dollywood
An entire venue dedicated to roach clip collections
It is cold in Chicago
Hear that? Hear that? . . . all we say in Betsy's car now
Yes it is back . . . no doubt that they pulled it apart
The Slowsky tale of woe
Bad car karma
You have your own show
I have done it right this year with attorney help
Looking for a Volvo replacement
Take the puff out of your cuff Mr. Bears
I've gotten used to the heated seats

Tags: Slowsky tale of woe Bad car karma Doritos Super Bowl commercial Boulder trip iTunes comments

Reuters shares my sweat with world

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 10:39:29 -0600

The Reuters article came out yesterday morning about Wii parties.

It was cool not because Mike and I were quoted but that my sweaty 32 year old body got a nod. All deduced by reporter Nichola Groom from Flickr photos and an enthused nerd happy to talk about his Wii.

"At the end of the night, Smith, 32, was sweaty, exhausted, and completely sold on buying a Wii for himself. "

If had known that the article would have started with my name I would have changed it to something cool like Dirk Challenger.

Here's the invite if you'd like to check it out.

Tags: Nintendo Wii party Nichola Groom Reuters Kris Smith Mike Marusin sweaty 32

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:27:59 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-02.mp3

Show: #334
Length: 34:16
Size: 23.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 02, 2007

Nick T rating of 4

Nick T rating system:
Scale: 1 = Safe for everyone
Scale: 2 = Some parental guidance
Scale: 3 = Maybe this is for 12+
Scale: 4 = Not legal? Probably not for you - Adult themes (like HBO series)
Scale: 5 = Only safe for Betsy's dad

The jokey who left the 300th comment on the Wii Friend Code post
1 (900) Wii-Code
Getting them on the line to chat about their code
Anybody here? Anybody here? Anybody here?
I'm here . . . Now refresh
Betsy shook me down for old equipment to sell on eBay
She sold my brown Zune to some sorry soul
Yeah, I thought it sucked
Next to the Netgear SPH101 Skype phone it was the worst
iTunes is so far ahead of where Microsoft wants to be
The store is a science . . . MS doesn't have a chance starting so far behind
Urge? Yeah, urge to puke . . . urge to bodily
She also sold my DBX compressor/limiter/gate thing
Sold to the Columbus Arts Council
Betsy, "I have a new business idea."
Rows of monitors like head stones staring at you
Maybe they need parts
If I can sell it, it doesn't matter if it was free to me
"Free to Me" to be Betsy's autobiography title
Haven't you said about 100 times that you are going to do that
Land of Nod trip for the purse business
Is this a purse business anymore?
It's back to any hustle that you can get?
Yes, you're right Bears
Manipulating the Land of Nod staff with crying babies
The best day is to go the first day of the month for mark downs
Why it is no longer a purse business
What people expect in our basement . . . it is underwhelming
The Wii article ran in Reuters and then got picked up in many places
Betsy reads the article
"If you have ever picked you nose or punched someone . . . "
I am so embarrassed
What a 32 year old tool
Bernadette says, "Have you thought of horses?"
We know how that would go
Needle in the balls and bullet in the head
Betsy says they still cap them
Dramatic ending needed for champions
Maybe back in 1930 they shot them
FFA, the sheep and the shotgun . . . tell it Betsy
The big dollar sheep showing check
You were chasing the wrong poontang in high school, Kris
Those beefy farm chicks had mad cash

Tags: brown Zune FFA sheep Netgear SPH101 Columbus Arts Council Free to Me

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 10, 2007

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 06:43:35 -0600

Croncast - 2007-01-10.mp3

Show: #325
Length: 31:27
Size: 21.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 10, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Tara Rester.
What is this new thing staring me in the face
It's a horse for American Girl Dolls
Not made by American Girl but by Battat
More stuff about American Girl vs. Battat that passes Kris right by
More big blue stuff
The dolphin got shipped off to Alabama
Yeah, because they don't know that dolphins aren't blue
Betsy's secret birthday wish didn't come true
She wants a picture of Mr. Handsome (Zeus, the dog)
Two pictures under that corrugated clear plastic where you move and the picture moves
You know the ruuu ruuu ruuu stuff under your finger nails
Out of the ether Betsy's hero called . . . Ben the handy man
I love him in the way that any woman loves a man that can fix things
Bears, you're just lazy
It's my birthday, get your ass over here . . . that's great
The handy man technique of quote then never show back up or call
Once they are kicked out of the next county they come back
They can't take Betsy's personality
It is her wit and intimidation
Maybe I did make you sound like an asshole for tearing a whole in my shower
What was he thinking with duct-tape and a Jewel bag
Sharing a bathroom for a month with your mother-in-law
Duct-tape in my own shower . . . you bet
Then my husband tells me no on speaker phone
Living in Milwaukee
Crazy guy asking the police if they masturbate
Betsy says, "I could live in Milwaukee forever"
Oh, I am never going to Menards with you again Betsy
Blame the mommies they have gas too
Send Betsy a Blue Mountain card at thesmithmall@hotmail.com
She's 31

Tags: Tara Rester American Girl Dolls Battat horse duct tape shower Betsy Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 29, 2006

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:28:21 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-29.mp3

Show: #320
Length: 32:47
Size: 22.5 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 29, 2006

Today's show is brought to you by Mike Marusin.

Betsy does up a little ditty for Mike
She can never remember the day
"Mrs. Smith . . . it's 1 o'clock . . . it was a half-day of school"
Major mommy screw ups
Baby I got two New Years resolutions
Number 1 - I am done making fun of you and Goodwill
It's all about the Booba in 2007

I'm gonna start with one Coach wallet and turn it into a small fortune
And then I'm just gonna sit on it and make you ask
I know someone told it was a bad idea to go to the coach outlet
Number 2 - make sweet love to another woman
Look what I have over here . . . steak knives
I tried to make today go well with two trips to Goodwill
Betsy can't find her glasses
They are not in the Smith Man Pit
Baby, look at me . . . you know I am kidding
I just wanted to rile you up a bit
Well you can get all riled up on the couch tonight watching the Spice channel

So we had an email asking for the cast of characters from Goodwill
An entire show dedicated to the folks
Betsy actually wrote them out
Finishing the story of Rumple Snatch before the name reveal
When good art and story telling is at its finest
Goodwill stories for two years
Her life sucks
Why do you go there now?
Even management ends up with special character names
Betsy needs a Russian translator
People think I'm harsh on the resale tip . . . check out Betsy's mom
Betsy's urge to purge thanks to Virginia Slim and crew
More pictures or the pictures that people asked for
We'll be back on Monday

Tags: Mike Marusin Coach outlet Smith Man Pit Rumple Snatch Spice channel