plushies | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 22 Ep 01: The problem with show business, Restless leg syndrome

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:32:14 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-15.mp3
Show: #526
Length: 29:05
Size: 26.7 mb
Format: mp3

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Living the dream
Betsy back at it with Goodwill and plates again
Heaping pile of plushies
Chicken wire can't be used in medical
What have we learned?
You could do a killer silk flower arrangement
I would crush you, Betsy
The components I would have
Sneaking a cigarette
It all works together
Wait till you see what I am going to do with it
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Away from here . . . that was it
Ending up in the t-shirt biz
It was a great time
I meant the Chump gear guys
Always wanted to be somewhere else than where I was
Restless leg syndrome
Rehashing the past
I had no idea
And I have no idea now
The junkin' comedian
$40 pay checks from the comedy shrine
The funniest was the awe that filled your dad
When?
When you said you were thinking about getting a job

Tags: silk flowers goodwill plushies Chump Gear restless leg syndrome

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0400

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 08:45:47 -0400

Croncast - 2007-08-17.mp3
Show: #398
Length: 29:56
Size: 20.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 17, 2007

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I'm losing my voice again
Thanks to your children
Serves you right!
Mr. "In a minute"
Hitting refresh is not a job
Doing who is queries all day
The fact that you know what a who is query is . . . time for love love
The pitter patter of Gigi upstairs
Don't spray that in your eye
Maggie locked me in the basement
Every woman in this house locks me in the basement
Once she realizes I am on one side and she is on the other she freaks out
Daddy, daddy dadddy
I begin to stress because I hear the crying
It activates that parental thing in me
There is one way out other than crawling out
A big man in a small window
Yeah, it is like fat women and little dogs
I begin yelling for the other one to come and unlock the door
The dogs start barking
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I start yelling up the vents hoping Elliot would hear me
Why didn't you just stick one man titty at a time out the window and ease out
You need to get out of the house Mr. B
I really wish we could spend time together at things like the Great American Yard Sale
You could be my wing man Mr. B
Anyways, I got you
Who wants to play with plushies with you
Betsy does improv class night two
It will make me a better listener, Kris
It has brought insight into your life
I have learned what it is like to be a man
Someone will redirect you in the moment and you can move on
I just think you've got a brain like golden retriever
I don't have to be a tree at home
We should have a family game night with improv games
Oh, wait I have an idea . . . how about family HTML programming night right before dessert
The new dude walks in to class and he is a programmer
I thought you were a coder
I can smell it on your breath
What does it smell like?
Your mother's basement
It was super fun
I had a near death experience Mr. B
How does that happen when all you do is go and get coffee and hit up Goodwill
I put down the mocha latta
I'm parked next to a big shiny Lexus
Maggie freaks and I open my car door into the car
Then I see that the car is occupied
Fuck you and your fucking small car
The woman gets out of her car very slowly
I don't know what you are supposed to do in that situation
It's a Volvo, it's bullet proof, don't touch me
It gets worse
I did what any self respecting mommy would do
I lick my shirt and rub the mark off her car
She makes eye contact and says, "Stop licking my car"
My ass was grass
Get your lips off my Lexus
I had successfully removed the scratch with my magic eraser finger
I hit your car but I successfully slimed off the mark
The dust of Elk Mountain
I would get arrested for that
I know what I am going to do
I ran
I ran away from her
I picked up Maggie and ran
If she hits my car, well, it is insured
I wasn't going to wait until she popped out my eye teeth
Betsy will minimize anyone else's shit
Just because you don't care about your car doesn't mean other people don't
The Dust of Montrose
Was my greatest vacation ever
Your not helping me out Mr. B
The Great American Yard Sale has moved to a mall parking lot
Westfield shopping center won't know what hit
Welcome to camp Junk Ass
One legged box races
There are some one legged people that can gallop
I need you to help me out
I'll get there at four in the morning and it will give me a 10 minute head start
They stole my Jaguar off my hood
What it the whole point of owning the Jaguar is the stupid little shiny thing
Yeah, now it is next to some kids tee ball trophy
Dealership says none in stock
Ornament $211, labor $78 and with tax it will be about $330
Didn't you have any markings on it?
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Black Lexus Great American Yard Sale improv class Dust of Montrose Jaguar hood ornament

Betsy and her husband Kris Jan 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 07:33:02 -0500

Croncast - 2007-01-08.mp3

Show: #324
Length: 30:02
Size: 20.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris January 08, 2007

Today's show is brought to you by Robert Sullivan.
The big news is that the show is now Betsy only!
So today we are going to talk about plushies
1/2 on why you shouldn't buy plushie smurf's
Buy the PVC ones they are good
OK Kris is still here
Betsy says that I make is all drama
Tell the people what the news is!
BMX'n baldie that is close
This is the third new job . . . did I give it away?
I got a new gig!!!!
Podcasting and coding full time from home in my basement
I answered one of those signs by the road . . . not really
Mommy will need some alone time
I'm here. That was my commute up the stairs
Kris, you have to reign in your workaholic ways
I have had the two jobs for long
It was time to slow down and focus my career
One job dedicated to distance education and one for myself podcasting
I say, "stoked" 50 times during this bit
Stay at home working out of the basement, you're already dead pale
You haven't been on the Wii in a week
This has been going on for a while
The ball has been rolling but it had to fall into place just right
Business transactions that had to work
Do you have a title? Nope
The cards are on the way
If I wanna be with the man I can be a VP of something
Man, it goes on and on
We flew out and looked at houses
That's hilarious, Kris . . . didn't you listen to our vacation shows?
Boulder is a world apart from Denver
Celebrating Betsy's birthday two days early
Her mom and her sister celebrated . . . I sat there with no gift
Who are your customers for the purses?
Not me . . . ladies like me are Stone Mountain bitches
Her mom wants to go on a QVC tour for vacation
The matching outfit from the hanger trip
Friday night . . . oh Betsy . . . invited to a gallery, dressed for bingo
Asking for your husband's help to dress
Granny grey wool pants, purple sweater with yarn hanging from it
Betsy looking very 1991
The dopey brown shoes capped it off
"I'm ready bear," baby the bingo outfit isn't going to cut it
What do you have that is black?
So Betsy wore her mom's clothes
Left to her own devices she would be in trouble
"Why did you like it so much Bears"
"Uh, you brushed your hair."
Dress up nothing, not even a match about her velure suit

Tags: velure suit Stone Mountain pants QVC tour PVC Smurf Robert Sullivan