ponies | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 22 Ep 07: Betsy's Clairvoyant, You're Grounded, Gameshow Desires

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:20:41 -0400

Croncast - 2009-06-16.mp3
Show: #533
Length: 25:51
Size: 23.8 mb
Format: mp3

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What you don't have is the funny
I'm bringing it to over 40 people Thursday nights
All in the old Seinfeld time slot
What are you up against?
Oh, yeah . . . ER reruns
They used to stay home for Greys Anatomy
Not so hot early on
Doing the shows for your cousins
12 people versus 50 and percentage laughing
Well, I can see you telling a joke in a restroom
All about pumping your ego up
Two fangirls waiting for me
Thinking they can't find the bathroom
"Oh, my god. You were so funny."
Bitsy's door star - they can't speel
The bicycle issue
There is no issue . . . I am the BMX'n boy
Kris, I couldn't ride a bike until I was 10
That is the plan the man is on
He got my physical genes
My neighbors got rich of off my physical ineptitude
I learned to ride in the grass
Of course you did softy
I saw a malleable four year old girl in front of me
She wanted to go fast
Daddy, go get the tool box
She takes the wrench from me
Takes the training wheels herself
Took 2 minutes to get her going
Then 20 to get her starting off on her own
Loving it for the freedom
Number one for her was freedom
The second is that Elliot can't ride a bike
She pointed it out, Not me
A stranger isn't going the pick the nutty kid
The other was her fear of punishment
She tried to give up
I motivated her
She got so upset that she just did it
All kids are different and need different motivational techniques
Just a wee bit of manipulation
One teaspoon of manipulation and one of sweat
You gotta throw in some love
You know that I am clairvoyant Mr B
Baby, you can't tell people that
That is just too much
Walking to school in a Marlboro Jacket
They had a denim one that I wanted
You could deduce that knowing my history
Betsy is ready to restart her career as a game show contestant
When you hit the track you become a robot
I'll be back later, I got ponies to read up on

Tags: Seinfeld bmx game show ponies fangirl

Season 19 Ep 11: Walzer A., Buffalo Days, The Coffee Drinker

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:51:22 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-01.mp3
Show: #457
Length: 26:13
Size: 18.1mb
Format: mp3

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The Resale Queen Podcast is now here!
Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

About the Wednesday show
We were recording and the phone was ringing off the hook
Call from Walzer A
So this is Wednesday's show
Yeah, it was your sister calling
Brother-in-law lost his job
And the three mother hens showed up at his house
I did not envy him at all
It is getting more and more crowded in this boat
Your mom told you that you need to take care of this
I couldn't think of a more depressing situation
I wouldn't have come home
I would have went out at 8 am and got a beer
Where? This isn't Milwaukee
I would have waited that shit out
You are telling me that I am a born leader
I was telling myself that I glad you all weren't here
This is how it goes down in my dysfunctional family
My entire life I have had to be the man
What?
You shoveled in the middle in a snow storm
You can't even tell you shoveled
Doing it repeatedly doesn't make sense
At 4:30 am our neighbor fired up his snow blower
Ridiculous
Some men wake up with motivation, Kris
What would you do if it were a chainsaw?
Then he started cutting down trees
Well, hell he was motivated
Oh, baby
I tossed pup pup in a snowbank
What for?
To send to the TV station
Are you serious?
Well, I did send it
The auto response email was "Thanks for sending to KABC 7 Los Angeles"
Your snowy dog will be on in LA
You dogs suck
Jorge would be restricted to humane society
Ass end up in a garbage can
That is what we should have called the Resale Queen show
Yesterday, I almost slipped and died
Good things that dumpsters are heavy
How come they don't shovel by them?
I am going to open Dumpster Land
A theme park for you and your people
The dangers that you face everyday
It can't be packing peanuts
There is no Calvin pissing on nothing
What stickers would the truck have?
Did the new trucks ever roll out to La Moille?
I though i shouldn't ask because it would be sad
There was a time that they did come out
No one can tie a knot in this town
Ending up in the county jail
Swanson's baby
Onions in the peas
They came to town for Buffalo Days
The quaint small town festivals in movies, lies
There's no tax base to support that
Basketball game in a gravel pit
I grew up across from a buffalo pasture
Did you ride buffalo instead of ponies?
Did they chain them to a claw foot tub to slow them down?
From kindergarten to graduation at 14
Let me run the tilt-a-whirl
I would be right there
Ending up with a corn cob in his bibs
Might be dangerous but in a small town that's fun
Being pulled on sled behind cars
Watching the console in a lawn chair
I have sat in the back of a Chevy and bounced across fields
We didn't do donuts in a Wal Mart parking lot
It was a small town
Ok, K-Mart
That would have been a 30 mile commute
I know you rode in the back of a pickup truck on the way to a K-Mart
Yes, I did
CB radios in those days, figuring out who the coffee drinker was
Your mom would have a handle

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: buffalo snowy dog LaMoille Resale Queen sledding

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:53:05 -0400

Croncast - 2007-09-03.mp3
Show: #405
Length: 33:11
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

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Short show notes:
Betsy can't handle not mocking me during
How can I now mock you?
Kris had to do the intro 27 times
No way
August melted like a warm pat of butter in the sun straight into September
Celebrating a laborless birthday
I can't handle it
The worst joke that Betsy ever attempted
Wow did that bomb
Been a crazy weekend around here
We're broke
Thankfully we live in Pleasantville
Oh my god the cup is so half empty for you
What else do you want?
The park public bathrooms have Corian
The man tells me he is good at that point
Those games cost money . . . who wants to pet goats?
I wanna go on this ride . . . suck it up
Daddy doesn't make enough money
It's character building Mr. B
The photos like this chicken riding a llama
This chicken sees your soul

Maggie was super excited to ride the ponies
The chicken on the llama . . . she never thought of that
The 8 by 8 portable animal corral
Filled with animals
Pigs are doing figure 8's around the llama's feet
It wasn't a petting zoo it was a petting corral
Same thing happened with Elliot at Lake Holiday
The kids get on to the sand pile
The super farmer, Farmer Rollo, comes walking to his truck
Farmers look like retired Floridians they are so tan
Silver hoop earing . . . a pirate farmer
That man is an owner operator
I run this joint, that's my 8 by 8 pen bitch
It was funny when he came sauntering by with blood spurting from his face
He's hustling to his truck
Applying pressure to his face
What's wrong with you?
The pig bit me
The thing about the pigs is they were 10 weeks old
They go vicious
Thought of his probiscus as a teet
He wants the Jaycees contract for next year
Maybe some more horses next year
The animals were all in good shape
Eventually he stops the bleeding
He tried everything he could in his truck
He was trying to be casual about it
One of those things that was interesting to watch
OSHA would have take him to task
That pig should have been at least 12 inches from your face
I won't tell you what they do to the runts
Speaking of death
We watched the Mount Everest thing on NBC
They left the guy behind
Poked him in the eye to make sure he was dead
Next day . . . he's awake and talking to new climbers
Can I talk to you about improv class?
Sure you can lay it out for me
He's a professional extra
The goal is to succeed as a team
Right, they aren't supposed to be laughing at one of you
Betsy, you have to hold it back
Am I sassy? No
Am I hyper? No
Am I a bossy bitch? Yes
You have to stop steam rolling over everyone
You need to remember that you run over people
I am glad you are having someone point this out to you
We are an ensemble and the rest of your life should be that way
I hear people laughing all day in my head

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Tags: Corian Farmer Rollo Pleasantville baby pigs OSHA