repair | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

repairs

Sat, 21 May 2011 19:12:57 -0500

Tags: repairs

bmx plate

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:51:36 -0500

this was my first bmx plate circa 1981. like many of the other things around it has also fallen into some disrepair.

Tags: bmx plate disrepair fallen first

Season 20 Ep 7: Koi Pond of Death, Kipp, Horticulture Authority

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:01:19 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-18.mp3
Show: #482
Length: 26:40
Size: 18.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2007 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Kris is all business all the time
I am business baby even when I sleep
You're on Twitter 24/7
I was dreaming about API's
That is why I slept through the earthquake
Why you should be like me
Fifth graders would listen
It is like dreaming about math
What parent wouldn't say, "I would like my kid dreaming about math"
You can't negative criticism
The survey we ran for one year
The likes and dislikes are finally available
It's not that
"He laughs at nothing"
The laugh is used to fill in the gaps
Go back and listen to the first few shows with gaps
No one is addicted to your laugh
I say addicted to laughing in general
It is good for you
Adam Curry released some demographic data
So with that I will release all survey that we did later today
STICKERS - first 10 people to send me their address from the contact page
GET - a sticker
Swearing was a thing we did a lot of
We've gone through iterations
Your mom draining her tub
My options were here or next to the sump pump
The outdoor work began around here
Anything I try to do never works
We know this Betsy
The neighbor's chemically altered grass
The grass is smart it knows not even to cross property line
Raised timber bed
Longtime listeners might remember the coi pond
The koi pond of death
I hire them to clean up the yard, remove some timbers and edge my mulch
People that run their own business have psychological problems
They do it because they can't get a normal job
Anybody can be a landscaper
Kipp's Lawn Repair
Kipp is name of death
Just says drug habit
I ask him for a quote
He's a horticulture authority
You could sell his rotten lumber
ReplacementDeckParts.com
That should be your next business
Green has become a scam in many ways
AAA1 Steve
Are you bonded?
Yes, I've posted bond before
Oh, no
That sort of happened with the Comcast guy
He'd done time
Or as he said, "I did a bit"
He hadn't seen his kids in years
That TV would fit right out that window
I got my eye on them
I don't trust them ever
Betsy is soo like Daniel Day-Louis in There Will Be Blood
Upton Sinclair wrote the book just for you
Would you quit junking for $1 million?
I couldn't do it
That would only last you 3-4 months, Kris
Right, 50ould go to the divorce
Banking where you used to live
You mail stuff to your bank?
Well, it's an hour long drive

Tags: Koi Fish croncast stickers horticulture authority Upton Sinclair Daniel Day-Louis

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 08:24:48 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-06.mp3
Show: #394
Length: 36:42
Size: 25.2mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 06, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Early intro to explain this show has lots of the electric popping noise in it. I thought I had this figured out for the show recording but I didn't. However, I did find a solution after today's show was recorded . . . clear shows from here on out.

My windscreen smells like a pack of condoms
What you got in your suitcase?
Yeah it has packed since I left for Colorado
OK Kris, mine smells like a today's sponge left out for four days
It's been 3 weeks since we have done a show with just us
The untold story, I almost didn't go to Colorado, Kris
Is this like Slowsky?
We fly in the face of karma
I preemptively heed the warnings
Four days out from leaving for Boulder it begins
Like the Volvo won't come out of park again
OK Blackwater Betsy
They drag the old decrepit bitch in
Volvo of Lisle has repaired it for the 4th time
They give me a Hyundai
We know what the problem is mam . . . you dripped some soda in there
No, look at the record . . . this is the 4th time
If I can't drink soda in my car remove the cup holders
The problem is that everything in the gear shifting area has been replaced
Splenda is not sugar, it is a secret ingredient in concrete
Now I owe the dealership $300
That is one less cool experience at Elk Mountain Resort
How am I going to help you out? I will be in San Francisco
That would be cash at hand
Your guilt and negativity goes both ways
I get to the DMV with Gigi on my hip to get new plates
Line to another line to another line
Boss Hog will drag you out by your ear
Don't get out of hand Ms. Mommy pant
Can we get a supervisor over here?
I know that is the auditor
Mam, your plates are illegal!
Oh, now I am going to be arrested at the DMV
I end up in a line with bikers
A line full of the scariest men
They all keep trying to talk to Goo
I've never seen a baby give that look
She's not going to ride bitch to anybody
She'll be leading your gang in 10 years
I know exactly what the problem is
There is only one man in Springfield who can take care of this
The bikers, Skanky and Skanky
It turns out that Skanky wants to sell his car to Skanky
Maggie hears the guy yell and she freaks out
Now I am freaking out
All your fault Mr. B
Your likability was going down by the day
The plates from Slowsky moved over to Volvo
I don't own the Volvo, you do Kris!!!!
What if I want to hit the road in peace?
Thanks Oprah
I was in there for 53 minutes
I got sucked in to other peoples drama as I waited
Betsy gets attacked by a tick
Now she needs to tell the neighborhood
The neighbor tells her that she just got back from New Jersey
She was there to help out a family member that got sick from a tick bite
The ticks in New Jersey know your name before they attack
This is all happening the night before you leave
Thank god the Elk Mountain staff is released early every morning to remove all ticks and flea dip the deer
I will never have a vacation as good as this because I am married to you
Oh, you are too kind baby
I was holed up 30 miles from Boulder in a hotel by the highway
They call themselves suburbs, but they don't know
Working late at night doing the nerd thing
I get to the hotel late
You're supposed to have a non-smoking . . . don't have it
You're supposed to have king . . . don't have it
The room smelled musty and like nothing I had smelled before
All this while I have to rationalize hopping into a bed that a lot lizard just has sex with a trucker in
The next morning I wake up and head down to the front desk
I bitch and moan then realize that this girl is 11 years old
I ask to be moved to another room
She reaches into her pocket and pulls cell phone
A roadside motel run by pre-teens
"I can't move you but my mom can. I can call her to come down here."
I rolled on out
I came back the next night and asked to be moved again
We can move you . . . but not for three days
I then get the burrito craving
Qdoba happens to be open right next to the truck stop
You're gonna have to re-wrap that burrito
Why?
Beans were falling out of it
He looks at me, "Sir you need to understand . . . if you bit into this it will explode in your face."
This can't be fucking happening
I am going to eat it here and cut it in half
His eyes twinkle . . . are you sure that you don't want us to cut it . . . I have a really big knife
His concern for my burrito did not go unnoticed
Colorado out to get me . . . three months ago
Stop Mr. B you can't tell this story we've gone too long
We'll be in Seattle on Thursday!!!
If you can make a live show we'll be doing it
If more than 6 people want to come we need to get a place to do it
I have one fan . . .Mexico Mike, total troll
Selling mescaline by the highway
I'll be in on the 8th at 10 am
We'll be there for our 11th anniversary
Why spend alone we want you
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Qdoba burrito hotel by the highway Longmont CO exploding burrito Volvo of Lisle

I'm a bad botanist

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 13:09:12 -0500

Grass experiment day #30 something. I have failed miserably in my scientific endeavor to figure out which would grow grass faster, Material #1 (Scotts Turf Builder Grass Seed) or Material #2 (Scotts PatchMaster Lawn Repair Mix). For the background check out this post.

As you will be able to see from the photos below, being gone for 3 weeks and asking your non-scientific spouse, I mean lab assistant, to keep up the experiment by watering the materials equally in your absence failed miserably.

I did fail in growing grass . . . but the bright side is that I succeeded in random weed cultivation.

Experiment photos day 1

Experiment photos day 30 something

Material #1

Material #2

Tags: Scotts PatchMaster Lawn Repair Mix Scotts Turf Builder Grass Seed grass growing experiment grass seed bad botanist

My official and completely unscientific grass growing experiment Post 2

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 16:25:32 -0500

In my best judgment I have decided not to deluge you with daily updates as I continue my grass growing experiment.

Days 2-4 have been pretty un-eventful. There has been no germination as I suspected and I am following the same process that I did for the other other barren patches.

Day 2 regular watering in am and pm.

Day 3 overnight rain and early afternoon precipitation. I busted out the Scotts Lawn Fertilizer as a catalyst for germination and doused Material #1 and Material #2 equally.

Day 4 (today) I performed the same activity of watering but at 12 pm followed by raking Material #1 into the soil. Once raked throughly I then watered both Material #1 and #2. The next step was to sow more of the same brand seed (Material #1) on top of the first sowing. This was the same action taken with the other barren patches except that I put seed on Material #2. Thus, the reason for this experiment. Today I used the little green implement thing to fling the seeds instead of tossing them by hand. Finally, I gave it another watering.

Photos follow in sequence.

Raked and ready for second sowing.

Looks like a Scotts ad but it is what I have handy. Well, it is what the ladies have bought from the store. Like I would be excited about growing grass and go out and buy this stuff.

Tags: Scotts Turf Builder grass seed Scotts PatchMaster Lawn Repair grass seed growing grass in shade lawn care for lawn haters

My official and completely unscientific grass growing experiment

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 11:24:03 -0500

As most of you know, I am a lawn hater. I am a man allergic to lawnmowers and weed whackers.

After much ado around here about the lawn I have been forced to attempt to grow grass in some bare spots around the yard. Over the next few weeks I will be experimenting with a new area of the yard, posting photos and commenting on, well, watching grass grow.

The impetus for doing this unscientific lawn experiment is that about a month ago in separate barren ares in the yard I threw out two types of grass growing material - seeds and only seeds (Material #1) in one area and in the other some super fancy patch filling mulch, seed, fertilizer stuff (Material #2) - and one of the grass growing materials appeared to outperformed the other. I say "appeared" because after 3 weeks of watching Material #2 bleach in the sun and lose its pretty blue hue I threw grass seed all over it and by the end of the week I had patchy grass growth. I say it was the seeds and Betsy says that it was the magic of Material #2.

Of course, there are other reasons for the experiment like that I don't really care if I have two different shades, lengths or blade widths of grass next to one another, as some green grass nuts might.

So now I have a rather large area in my yard dedicated to watching the grass drag race to the sun it a fight for survival (it is my yard, it will die in future). I mean compare how Material #1 and Material #2 perform under the same conditions and with equal sunlight and water, as equal as an unscientific can be.

Here's the breakdown:

Material #1 - Scotts Turf Builder grass seed (the Spring Seeding Mix variety). It can be viewed on the left side (Patch A) of all photos.
Material #2 - Scotts PatchMaster Lawn Repair Mix (the Sun and Shade variety). It can be viewed on the right side (Patch B) of all photos.
Sunlight/shade
Water in the morning and evening for about 5 minutes
Rain
Random dog fertilizer (poo)

Disclosure: I'm sure you've guessed that I am not being paid for this by Scotts.

Experiment photos day 1

Previous - Material #1 only

Previous - Material #2

Tags: Scotts Turf Builder Scotts PatchMaster Lawn Repair grass seed growing grass in shade lawn care for lawn haters

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:46:22 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-02.mp3
Show: #344
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 2, 2007

It's good to be back!
Thanks to everyone who sent messages and comments
Four weeks of not being told you're fabulous has taken it's toll on Betsy
It's a thankless job being a house wife
Betsy really needs the show, she just won't admit it
I do like success Mr. B I just don't like to work very hard
iTunes users leave us a review in the iTunes music store
I've never been stuck on one thing
Yes, I was well rounded
I still have the sharp shins
The family knows me as the idea guy
But I stick to it like peanut butter
I am like that crazy inventor guy
The creepy guy who's in his garage all the time?
I have been waiting for this
Head first into break and I was excited
But Bears, you did nothing around the house
This will be a turning point in our marriage . . . Kris will start participating
Winter brings garbage
The sky opens and beer cans fall
Kris's sliding man pants while he works
Getting that backside tan
Can you turn around and lift your shirt
You'll have a pregnancy like slider to measure the tan for a man who does things
I get less sunshine now that I am working from home
And I've started losing weight
I have . . . like it is panic
Your Weight Watcherness of the last 4 weeks are putting the screws to me
My face is saggy . . . my tummy is jubbly
You'll have lost 6 or 7 ounces
Packing it in before was the truth
I am going to end up with a post-pregnancy belly
Watch yourself big boy
You never asked me to do anything on break other than bring in the garbage can
What if I buy you a ladder?
I'm done I cede the floor to you Betsy, now tell the Volvo story
Tidal wave in the car
Zeus was nowhere to be found
She calls me, "I was driving in my car . . . "
The way I don't ever want to hear Betsy start that way
I know that I am going to end up back at Volvo of Lisle
Yes, I was correct
We hit'em up to try to get it taken care of
The gist of it is that we are screwed
"You should call customer care and start there."
"Work your way up"
Reputation management matters but auto dealers don't care
This is a fluke but the Volvo reputation for a consumer begins at the dealership
They are the ones that should care
Once it is repaired Betsy asked for a price for them to buy it outright
Big mistake
Once she told them no new Volvo that she would buy a new car from another dealer it was over
Sure it is all soccer moms around here but it doesn't matter
Now we'll keep it til the warranty runs out unless something so bad happens that they will actually take responsibility for the car being a lemon
I never leave the house now
Which brings me to my point . . . I am going to sell your car Mr. B
You can't sell my car, baby
The farthest I went from the house in the last week alone was 35 feet
Talking taxes on Wednesday . . . strikingly vivid
We thank everybody for the emails, comments and the calls
Thanks for everyone who filled out the survey
Leave us a review in iTunes

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Croncast Weight Watcherness croncast returns Volvo of Lisle reputation management

Life is show prep when you own a Volvo, I mean a Ford

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 20:43:35 -0500

Sooooo, Kris thought to himself . . . I mean myself, that I would be cool and do something nice for Betsy. Like I could stop by Volvo of Lisle, the new temporary home for her car and talk to them about the state of her V70 wagon and give her some good news like it has been fixed or that we guarantee that 3/4 of an inch of water will never pour out from under the dash on the driver's side again.

I suppose I should have been talking to the techs instead of a finance guy, a manager and a sales man to get an answer for that. But I knew the car wouldn't be finished since we didn't hear back plus the fact that when we arrived they told us that they were overbooked by 60 appointments for today.

Mosquito eggs will be hatching in the meantime. This may be the most expensive larva nest/ant farm in history. Hopefully the high water mark won't damage the resale value. Something Betsy knows all about.

This was the point tonight they would step up to the plate and work with us. However, that would be to easy! I was told to call customer service, "It might take two weeks but eventually you'll talk to the right person."

Like I have time for this, not only do you have my car but I want to spend hours on hold waiting for someone to tell me that they can't help us out and I have to get upset and ask for a manager. At that point they then tell us that they don't really work for Volvo of North America they are just at a call center in Idaho.

This was, of course was after he mentioned that I might want to pursue the lemon law. I promptly redirected that path of reasoning as a remedy for a car that has been in for repair SIX times in 5200 miles of its existence. Towed in for two of those repair trips. We both know the lemon law means a bunch of expenses on my end and a high likely hood that there will be a pretty unsatisfactory ending to the story of our Ford station wagon.

Well, I gotta run laptop needs juice and I am tired. More to come later this week but expect a recap on our first show back this Monday April 2nd.

Oh yeah, "Is there anyone that I can call to shorten this process?" says Kris. "No. Just call customer care," Mr. Sales. "You guys don't have a name?" asks Kris. "I don't work with them," Mr. Sales.

You would think we bought the car from Volvo of North America.

Tags: Volvo of Lisle Volvo V70 V70 Mr. Sales Volvo of North America water in my car driving my feet are wet

A tow truck is on the way

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 08:34:02 -0600

Monday morning 8:00 a.m. and I make my way to Betsy's frozen, partially snow covered car. My goal - pull hard enough on the gear selector to get the car into reverse, into the cul de sac and turned around so the tow truck can put it on the lift.

Goal met. But not after a horrendous clicking sound as the car fought me to go back into park. In 20 feet of driving I lost the battle twice and watched the RPM's fly into red levels. Sweet.

Once I hit the pavement of the cul de sac . . . snap, it goes into drive. I would give this a "sweet" but I don't care anymore because the car is still broken. So right now it is backed up by our mail box waiting for it's ride to the dealership for another round of "repairs".

Tags: Volvo of Lisle Volvo V70 2.5T V70 lemon Volvo repairs

Volvo V70 the curse of Slowsky

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 10:26:18 -0600

As many of you know we divorced Slowsky months ago and sent her on her way to a certain death on someone else's watch. About three months ago as a replacement for the 7 year old beast we picked up a 2006 Volvo V70 at Betsy's insistence that this was the car for her . . . I should have known better. It is was an untitled demonstrator and only had 600 miles on it. It now has 3800 miles on it.

In the last three months it has been in for service 4 times (quickly to be 5 as soon as Volvo will come and remove it from our driveway). It has been towed once (soon to be twice).

The repair visits have been:
1) Passenger window that wasn't attached to the track at the factory so it wouldn't go down or up. Cause: Presumed drunken Swede.
2) A child booster seat that didn't have the release strap attached. Yes, the strap and accompanying plastic cosmetic piece were not physically attached to release the seat. So I pull and it comes off like it was glued with butter. Cause: Again presumed drunken Swede arriving late for work after churning butter at home.
3) Car will not come out of park or release key for 30 minutes. Got it in gear and drove it in. Cause: unknown.
4) Car will not come out of park 8 hours after repair. Waited 2 1/2 hours for Volvo to get us a tow in a metropolitan area that is pavement from us to Chicago. Cause: a clip of some sort was broken.
5) Car will not come out of park 12 hours after repair. It now sits on our driveway. Cause: Something is broken and the dealership hasn't figured out what it is otherwise I wouldn't be writing this post about it sunbathing on our driveway.

To say that we have been dissatisfied with this purchase would be an understatement.

Betsy is now worried about driving the car. Even if the future repairs do the job I can't blame her. Getting stuck with a brand new car, Moose and Maggers in the winter doesn't sound too appealing.

The thought that maybe the air bags were packed with popcorn wouldn't surprise me at this point or the steering wheel is held together with tape and bubble gum or that the car's computer is an old Sega game console from Goodwill.

There is no doubt that Slowsky is back to haunt us.

Tags: Volvo of Lisle V70 tansmission Volvo V70 2.5T V70 Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 07:07:29 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-13.mp3

Show: #301
Length: 33:02
Size: 22.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 13, 2006

Sending email and comments by sharing
It's your birthday Kris . . . how about some home repairs
My osteoporosis kicks in and dust flies from my lungs
Listening to eat Bears is like listening to a one man band
He's not hot he's geriatric
Digging through saggy skin to find
Betsy, are you one to be talking about that
Fake beer night on the Croncast
Betsy is drinking Clausthauer and I have the Beck's N/A
You were late for your own party Kris!
What about your gifts? Shampoo is a winner
What is going to happen when Betsy reaches 31 in two months?
The wonderful thing is that you'll always be older Mr. B
Betsy is a vicious ageist Cycling through topics
A rehash of the making it to 300 and doing shows everyday
Filling our lives with craziness again for donations
Not like the NPR $1 million bounty for Morning Edition
Even the Germans are in on this one
Concerns about the donations
Slowsky at the dealership
She sits like the Sears tower in Nebraska
Betsy admits to being a conservative . . . in some cases
She may be a moderate now
Voting your conscience and not your tax dollars
The bathroom is falling apart today, see above photo
So happy birthday Mr. B now fix the house
The plan: we will be taking off the month of March 2007

Tags: Kris Smith birthday Clausthauer Beck's NA Slowsky Weight Watchers

Arrest me not suckas!

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 06:43:12 -0500

Listener Bob sent us this gem yesterday about Illinois Senate Bill 2878.

Turns out that two months ago the state of Illinois passed a law regarding license suspension for failure to get an emission test for your car (LIKE ONE YOU NO LONGER OWN!!!!!!!) to simply a vehicle registration suspension that became law immediatley upon the signature of the Governor.

I think someone needs to inform the Illinois EPS, Secretary of States Office (DMV here) and Law Enforcement Officers in the state about this because I was hauled in 3 days ago.

Anyway, I am going to post the Bill release that was on the State site here incase someone might be searching for it. Thanks again Listener Bob!!

Gov. Blagojevich also signed Senate Bill 2878 into law, which provides that the Secretary of State (SOS) may not renew the vehicle registration of any vehicle owner who fails to comply with vehicle emissions testing requirements.

Senate Bill 2878 was sponsored by Rep. Mike Tryon (R-Crystal Lake) and Sen. Martin Sandoval (D-Chicago). It eliminates the drivers license suspension enforcement mechanism in the current program and replaces it with a vehicle registration denial system. This would preclude a driver being arrested for a suspended drivers license.

This change in public policy will ensure that residents are not inadvertently arrested for not getting their emissions checked while increasing the protection of the environment. This bill provides a penalty for the car and not the driver which makes good public policy for Illinois, said Rep. Tryon.

"Illinois is the only state in the country that goes to the drastic measure of suspending a driver's license for not having a vehicle tested. When you're driving on the road, and for whatever reason a trooper pulls you over, the last thing you need is to have your driver's license show-up as suspended," Sen. Sandoval said. "That could put an end to your vacation in a real hurry. We need to balance the requirement of compliance with common sense. That's exactly what my bill addresses."

The Illinois vehicle emissions test checks whether a vehicles emission control system is working properly. Vehicles that are not properly maintained or that have malfunctioning emission control systems often exceed these standards.

SB2878 requires vehicles that fail the emissions test be repaired prior to being registered with the Secretary of State.

Senate Bill 2878 is effective immediately.

Tags: Secretary of State Illinois suspended license arrest emissions

Vacation: Act #2 Omaha to Denver

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 09:12:25 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-14.mp3

Show: #236
Length: 1:02:26
Size: 42.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 14, 2006

Act #2 is twice the length of our normal shows, but just like our trip we keep pushing through to make the Friday deadline for a full Act #3. That way we won't ever have to talk about this trip again.

So buckle up compadres as we take you on day 2,3 and the close of day 4 as we go from Omaha to Kearney, NE (we love Kearney, Midway Dodge and Thomas Hardage) to Denver.

So where were we?
Oh yeah Omaha
Go back to Monday, Act #1 if you haven't listened yet
We don't have time to reflect up it
Awake after 5 hours of deep sleep . . . yeah right
Epiphany for Kris, he figures out what the problem is with Slowsky
It appears that the gas peddle can't reach the floor or is being stopped
Handling dirty carpet
Slowsky is accelerating awesome
Up I-680 no problem up a hill
Air conditioning still blowing out the defrost vent
We hit fourth gear and Slowsky bogs down
You looked like someone had hit you in the crotch really hard
Did we stop or turn around in Omaha?Nope
I was gonna pull the oxen through and over the Rockies
Common sense would have turned us around
Betsy asks the cashier at a truck stop about our issues cause they should know
Our game plan becomes eat only at McDonald's and get to Denver
Stopping for gas over and over and over
Rolling at 60 pushing Slowsky to the breaking point
Betsy says cars are loaded weapons
I drove slowsky like a retired polo pony
Once AAA was taken care of it was on, drive it like I stole it
My foot is to the floor burning up the car
Slowsky's cry for help . . . check engine light flashes and then dims
Nebraska is the windiest state

Drafting with semi trucks because I can't go over 65
Speed limit is 75 which means 85 for all
People in Nebraska know there is nothing worth driving slow for
I still have no respect for the slow driver
The oil pressure gauge was nearly in the red
The van may explode at anytime
All the fun of a road trip and fantasies about stopping and eating the natives food, gone
No tourist traps for Slowsky
35 miles to the next exit
The arch over I-80 is where the Check Engine Light stays on

Hilly Iowa, not the hilly Nebraska
Calming the kids to soothe the hunching Kris
We get lucky and find Kearney, NE
Even luckier we find Midway Dodge of Kearney

Right next door was Enterprise
We meet Thomas Hardage, the only person not to let us down on this trip
It's 11:30 am and they close and 12:00 pm
He was a Slowsky prophet
he let us know that he 5 hour drive would take us 8 to 9 hours to Denver
There's Enterprise, we should leave car for repair
Kris says, "no" we're going to Denver and Betsy agrees
Help was put in our path and we tell it to fuck off
There was no charge to look at our car
You should not drive off into the great beyond in your broke ass van
"In Denver it will be really expensive", we pass again
Back on the road, 55 mph tops
Kris tries to make it go 56 entire way to Denver
We followed the same truck for about 300 miles

I-76 West down to Denver off of I-80

We are gaining control
We can see mountains
Now we are back to the itinerary, Yes!
Two straight days in a van
I will tell you when you can go to the bathroom
Telling Betsy over and over that we should have flown and what we would have been doing
From now on we fly, first class if we can afford it, 2-3 days at destination, rental car waiting and fly out on day 3
Coming in on the wrong side of Denver
Car collecting seems to be a hobby in Colorado
Hotel has Denver in name but it surely isn't in Denver
Slowsky is now down to 50 mph tops
But we've made it to Denver now
We're still in control . . . sort of
Slowsky was making death nells
Right near our hotel exit there is a Dodge dealer, John Elway Dodge on Arapahoe
The ultimate welcome to Denver . . . an arrest in our hotel parking lot

Navy wife-beater doesn't go with blond chest hair
Doesn't matter how nice a hotel is an arrest in parking lot harshes the mellow
We hit the hotel, 6th floor
18 giggling 12 year old girls right next to our room
Awesome birrthday for her
They were playnig door slamming game, Kris says no
Elliot loses his mind when we return to front desk to get another room
It is time to eat
I was bleeding money our of my eyeballs, really, dollar bills
Should have tossed one of the party girls over the balcony
Big wedding reception at the hotel, but no one was staying there, not one
The restaurant is out of highchairs, all in use for reception
It was time to start crying
We couldn't catch a break
One lone patron was going to hear our woes
What restaurants are near here?
We make it to Outback
Nothing goes wrong so Kris hugs the waitress
Elliot gorges himself, turns grey and runs to bathroom to puke
He has same gene that Betsy and I have where we eat to comfort ourselves
Where's that cereal? Do we have milk?
Needs to feel good in my belly
How sad is our happiness an Outback? We could have done this at home!!!!!!!
Research will take up whole half a work day
Talk begins about putting the family on a plane
Betsy understands her father's actions now from when he did it when she was a kid
It was time to stop the madness
We arrange for a rental car from Enterprise
Only place to do so is at Denver International Airport on Sunday
Shuttle is $20 but you need an appointment, what?
Concierge calls taxi for me and off I go
Denver knows nothing of urban sprawl
There could be free range beef within city limits
I tell cabbie DIA
The airport was 29 miles from our hotel
Ride to Ohare will take $28 bones of my money in a cab
Cabbie asks for $65 dollars for the ride!!! WTF

More notes and photos later. To get the rest of this you'll have to listen to the show for now. It is really hard to keep reliving this.

But I can't leave out the Act #2 cliff hanger . . . John Elway Dodge doesn't call us, we call them to hear, "Mam, the service manager didn't call you? Well, there's a problem with your vehicle. You see, one of our lot attendants . . . "

Coming up on Friday . . . Vacation: Act #3 Denver to Naperville

Update: These photos are from our 3 hours in Colorado Springs at Garden of the Gods and someplace in the downtown area. Family photo credited to guy I thought was homeless but turned out to be one of the dudes who just hang out to watch people go by.

Tags: Kearney Denver John Elway Dodge Arapahoe Slowsky Midway Dodge thetrip

Vacation: Act #1 Naperville to Omaha

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 05:59:32 -0500

Croncast - 2006-06-12.mp3

Show: #235
Length: 37:05
Size: 25.4 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris June 12, 2006

Thus begins our sharing of a vacation that ended 5 days early. We are not quite sure that our big summer vacaction driving to Denver in Slowsky was really a vacation. But we are sure that we will never drive anywhere on vacation again.

What we can say about our trip is that with the help of many lucid memories and five days to regain our footing on solid ground that we would like to bring your our trip in three separate podcasts. There is too much to share in a single 30 to 40 minute podcast that deserves great attention to detail.

What do you call a thousand mile trip in you wife's savings account? If you're us, show prep.

The long, feel good intro
Sending email easy like
When we last left you it was June 2 of 2006 a millenia ago
Things were much simpler then
H.G. Wells Time machine could take us back
Walking hand in hand with your spuse at the beach
I would have liked to have decided not to go on vacation
We should have flown
Short version, we leave, there's trouble and we come home five days early
Here we go
We're going to rcap the whole thing in 3 shows
It is June 2, 2006 in nice and sunny Naperville, IL
Kris is an hour late and damned Skype showed it to Betsy
Moments of our life are really important to you
Betsy pretends that she is me on Skype sometimes
The planets seemed to be aligned for our trip
The eBay pick-up guy got here right on time
Naperville was going to be hardest part with traffic
Driving Slowsky is like launching a boat
An hour and a half later w'ere making 8 miles of progress
The van is too tall for most drive thru awnings
Slowsky went to the dealer and got $1500 of repairs to travel worldwide
This is the point where you start adding up the costs
Gas doesn't count as vehicle maintenance
We finally make it to I-88
Slowsky is topping out at 70 mph with nothing more to give
First omen . . . we ignore it
We're gonna make it to Omaha
It wasn't a shifting issue but I am pushing Slowsky really hard
We get near DeKalb which is 50 miles from home and think about turning it around again
We push on
Betsy says "no" to my lead foot and thinks the 70 mph thing is good Slowsky is sucking gas and needs refill at 180 mile mark, still in Illinois Another omen Kris starts venting that we should have flown at gas station number two
"I drove the Alaskan Highway and need a new car."
All the signs were there
It was our decision to keep moving on
Not true to Betsy's faith
Dinner at The World's Largest Truck Stop on I-80
Maybe it is safe because it's a tourist trap
Nope, it's a 3-D world of a sex offender registry
All just minor inconveniences at this point
Bleeding money out of my eye balls
10 years ago this would have been an adventure but with kids it is a nightmare
In Iowa they drive on the grass
Not a single room vacant
Pulling off on Omaha hoping for an empty hotel room
Scoring a room 20 miles north of downtown
10,000 lesbians converged on Omaha the same day as our vacation, of course

Coming up on Wednesday . . . Vacation: Act #2 Omaha to Denver

Tags: vacation Denver John Elway Dodge Naperville Omaha Slowsky thetrip

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 06:45:45 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-21.mp3

Show: #218
Length: 46:20
Size: 31.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 21, 2006

Sorry for the popping throughout the show. Some part of our recording setup is dying and causing an electrical pop. I should have this sorted out by Monday, hopefully.

Our fabled podcast
Betsy starts off telling a lie
We have good News
A new addition to our family
It will be double matted
Geraldo Rivera joins the Smith family

Jodi hooks Betsy up
Just to touch what he touched
He will bless us while we podcast
Betsy's junk pile is taking over the basement again
Over 100 Dr. Suess books that aren't for your own kids?
Well it ain't for you kid
Scholastic books can't hold a flame to the Dr. Suess flow
Betsy is now going to talk about RSS feeds
Here comes the Kris went to the doctor story
Testicular dissection
The iMac does some pretty stuff
Betsy holds back and says just go
Psychosomatic phantom pain
My first dash of colostrum
For other people I am all about it
Forgetting when and where your appointment is
If you left it up to men to schedule their own vasectomy appointment this procedure wouldn't exist
Old female nurses
Urologist was me and a bunch of women
They weren't there for a vasectomy
Bisected body posters and plastic pieces
"I wasn't looking at the poster."
Battered women posters and brochures
If it happens then I know all about it
Check my pulse
Penile periodicles
Croncast voice for - "No sweatie . . . not today."
Nothing erection causing on the cover
Perks of some things
The drawing of the whole process, you were right Henry
The blow torch near my balls
The entire process of making me sterile
I prefer the euphemisms
Then it all gets worse
This entire subject makes me very nervous
Doc says I may want to store some sperm
My sperm are doing push ups right now in tube repair preparation
We do the quick exam
When do I need to start coming in for a regular exam
I did not have that on my schedule today
Stranger's finger in my anus today? No not today. I'm not prepared for this.
I'm getting fixed like a cat that won't cause anymore trouble for anyone
"Sterilization" bad
Spontaneous reversal odf the procedure
Leave the item
Plastic food . . . people love it
More Swedish spaghetti
No pregnant garage sale partners, they're slow
Thanks to Hilary Burnett

Tags: Geraldo Rivera vasectomy garage sale eBay psychosomatic

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 153

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 09:33:51 -0600

Croncast - 2006-01-14.mp3

Show: #196
Length: 42:45
Size: 29.3 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 153

Show Notes

TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA
It's really Kris
No buying a a house with 13 in the number
Irregardless the ladies went and bought one
You're really only selling the house to the wife
Women are like cats
Everytime before the show Kris is sexually harrassed
Betsy would settle for all of Kris' money
Smacking my butt or any other bare flesh
Low rise jean nightmare
I don't know how to break this to you, your but goes half way up your back
Betsy's hairy spots find their way into my dreams
Missing hair when waxing
Human hair in patches like Steve Carrel
Fantastic 4 "family" version - seriously?
Ending up in the principals office
It's not about the man hair
5-6 inches of hair bordering on creepy
Betsy as a swimsuit model
Even when Kris dreams he can't confront Betsy
Women can't ever wear the other shoe, they must harrass men
Betsy smiles through the whole thing
Women are sleazy perverts, soaps and Desperate Housewives
Tivo the soaps
Aimed at people with a third degree education
Finally expelled at the 9 grade
My people pick up on things like that
Kris could have become a mechanic, so could Betsy by mail order
The youthful internship
Kris puts together a car from the parts (yes I did it once)
Swearing and crying, next the man fit
I'm not interested in doing that
The contractors cometh and some are scary
Validating my manhood to the contractors as soon as they enter the house
When the lawn mowing kid from next door comes over I don't say I could do this myself but I'm not
Letting them know that I don't do it well
Fancy codes that won't burn down your house
Experiences we haven't had before
I told them about my man points of home repair
Ungood with the laminate
Starting where no one will go not the most traffic
Hiring a contractor
Choosing from the news paper
No spelling errors in ad, franchisees, Rent-My-Hubby
Third category - can't pay rent and decide to see how many elderly people will call
The plan didn't work all that well
Not title for business - No Job Too Small
He really lived the river
Sweet Emotion was playing when he rolled up and the neighbors huddled with their children and brought them inside
Cars are made of plastic and this cats was rusting
The guy you wake up at 3 a.m. and find in your kitchen
Jail house tats on the knuckles
Qualifying the hording of everthing
Betsy has a problem
Maggie will get bigger
"Stocking up" - lies all lies
Partial admission that she is hording
Selling the train bed
Making Kris proud with her saleswomenship
All the American girl dolls for a 10 month old
Too big to ship and don't fit in the Scion

Tags: kris betsy house hair people

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 152

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 11:19:55 -0600

Croncast - 2006-01-01.mp3

Show: #195
Length: 39:46
Size: 27.4 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 152

Thank you, again, to everyone who sent a message for Maggie. Listen to the end of the show after the outro for a Maggers update.

To see a pic of Maggie in day two of EEG view album art in iTunes and click one picture past the usual picture.

Show Notes

Show notes later today. I need to recover from my cake hangover and sparkling cranberry drink hangover.

Actually, the man is sitting here with me and I can't find my headphones.

We do talk about Goodwill, candy cigarettes, our holiday spirit, skinny friends buying fat people gifts, midnight callers, Scion xB hub caps, our television repair story, how Betsy confronts the elderly when she thinks they are taking food from her children's mouths and my favorite at 10 years of age in 1984 my mother sat my brother and down with this wholesome VHS rental:

Tags: croncast betsy maggie picture hangover

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 138

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 05:32:08 -0500

Croncast - 2005-10-21.mp3

Show: #179
Length: 20:31
Size: 14.1 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 138

Give us a review at Yahoo!

Show Notes

Betsy is packing the pork in too (the bacon, some slices)
Kris it still sick, just a little
Paying homage to Betsy and her stair cleaning ability
Yeah I never got it
"Cursed with a vagina"
She's got big lady junk
Men walking with exaggerated packages after the age of 13
Unless you like big packages
Kris' upcoming birthday
Elliot tells me what I'm getting, bunny sweater
The great sub-division chili cook off of 2005 in our garage
72 people and Kris wants to cry
Betsy volunteers for the cook off
Fall out - repairing the house
The cycle
Filthy cubes
Watching baby Maggie while Betsy paints
Don't paint over wallpaper border
Dime size pieces
The Overstock.com spokesperson lady - whore
Betsy gives secret of value shopping
Off to a meeting about master degree program
Control freak Betsy is going to have me put my talking points on my hand
Getting to finally meet Tony Kahn today
Two for one BuffaloWings
Criminal endangerment
Stomach flu or food poisoning has been great for Kris' figure
Body wrap to loose water wait fast
They could help my non-alcoholic beer beer gut
Captain Pizza - my job 5 years ago making pizzas in a gas station
Walking to the job
Have a good weekend!

Tags: betsy kris croncast packages job

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 84

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 06:16:55 -0500

Croncast - 2005-06-03.mp3

Show: #125
Length: 33:03
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 14.0 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 84

Today's show is about world view with the anology being our choice of arctic dwelling or final days on a piece of drift ice. I feel like I just got back from the arctic with my cold, but by Monday I should be back to full voice ;) (not quite sure what 'full voice' is).

Betsy puts out a call for Eskimo listeners to send us a message, denies the existence of Macaroni penguins. See below:

Betsy: this is a macaroni penguin.

Thanks to everyone who voted so far at Podcast Alley for the show! If you haven't voted yet this month take some time and click the image below.

Vote at Podcast Alley with the "Vote Croncast" button above.

Some people have had trouble voting at Podcast Alley and unfortunately there is nothing that I can do to fix it. We've made Chris aware of the problem but I think to fix the problem would break more than it repairs.

Kris tells a story of young love, dirty street action and how 30 year old men are not really invisible when they are staring. The story goes something like this . . . "Excuse me, are those two chicks making out over there?" The answer was, "Yes. Twice."

Check out the other guys from the Naperville Blogger/Podcaster group:

Evan Brown - InternetCases.com
Rick Klau - Tins
Mike Marusin - marusin.com
Henry Treftz - who's blog I can't find because he was closeted for so long ;).

Tags: croncast betsy alley podcast kris

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 29

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 11:48:04 -0600

Croncast - 2005-01-28.mp3

Show: #63
Length: 38:28
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 17.6 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 29

Well, on my way into the city about 1 1/2 hours ago my baby Lincoln decided to have some massive electrical issues. So no meeting and no fun!

I am going to put up today's show and then take the car to Pep Boys for repair . . . hopeful repair and for not a whole lot of dough either but I am estimating that this will $500 or more to fix. Wish us luck.

Maybe the Lincoln is pissed off because I didn't do another show from it today.

Today's Show

Show notes soon.

Tags: croncast repair lincoln ep betsy