robot | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 23 Ep 04: Eyebrow scaping, Subway Dance Crew, Celebrity Encounters

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:29:45 -0500

Show: #539
Length: 30:25
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Server issues today, apparently the it ate the show and post
Thanks to those that sent messages!
Betsy thinks that I shave between my eyebrows
I'm just flakey and y'all scrape my flesh
Betsy wants to talk celebrity sightings
Mark was in town and we went to Kidrobot
And who else, Kris?
Mr. I'm Rick James, Bitch
Just us
I can't stand the fact you get to see all these people
On to pizza
NY is so awesome for show prep
The old man says, I'll be there in 15 minutes
Am I going to jail today?
Not today?
But I am still going to jail, yes?
Yes.
The dance crew gets on the subway

Tags: kidrobot dave chappelle subway dance crew celebrity encounters eyebrow shaping

Season 22 Ep 07: Betsy's Clairvoyant, You're Grounded, Gameshow Desires

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:20:41 -0400

Croncast - 2009-06-16.mp3
Show: #533
Length: 25:51
Size: 23.8 mb
Format: mp3

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What you don't have is the funny
I'm bringing it to over 40 people Thursday nights
All in the old Seinfeld time slot
What are you up against?
Oh, yeah . . . ER reruns
They used to stay home for Greys Anatomy
Not so hot early on
Doing the shows for your cousins
12 people versus 50 and percentage laughing
Well, I can see you telling a joke in a restroom
All about pumping your ego up
Two fangirls waiting for me
Thinking they can't find the bathroom
"Oh, my god. You were so funny."
Bitsy's door star - they can't speel
The bicycle issue
There is no issue . . . I am the BMX'n boy
Kris, I couldn't ride a bike until I was 10
That is the plan the man is on
He got my physical genes
My neighbors got rich of off my physical ineptitude
I learned to ride in the grass
Of course you did softy
I saw a malleable four year old girl in front of me
She wanted to go fast
Daddy, go get the tool box
She takes the wrench from me
Takes the training wheels herself
Took 2 minutes to get her going
Then 20 to get her starting off on her own
Loving it for the freedom
Number one for her was freedom
The second is that Elliot can't ride a bike
She pointed it out, Not me
A stranger isn't going the pick the nutty kid
The other was her fear of punishment
She tried to give up
I motivated her
She got so upset that she just did it
All kids are different and need different motivational techniques
Just a wee bit of manipulation
One teaspoon of manipulation and one of sweat
You gotta throw in some love
You know that I am clairvoyant Mr B
Baby, you can't tell people that
That is just too much
Walking to school in a Marlboro Jacket
They had a denim one that I wanted
You could deduce that knowing my history
Betsy is ready to restart her career as a game show contestant
When you hit the track you become a robot
I'll be back later, I got ponies to read up on

Tags: Seinfeld bmx game show ponies fangirl

Season 21 Ep 25: The Breadwinner, Unhandicapped Joke, You'd Love it Here

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:45:36 -0400

Croncast - 2009-04-13.mp3
Show: #525
Length: 32:37
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

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Where the shows been?
I'm not well
Hear it in the voice
Why do men get sicker than women?
It is like quantum mechanical
Betsy, he looks really bad
No one was validating
You had a temp of 98.6
That's high for me
Legitimately sick and you just make fun of me
I talked with two people this week
That's it
It manifested as fevers, rashes, sweats, bumps
Let's give the run down
New IRS debt, no longer employed by BlogTalkRadio, starting a new business
Venture Capital is tight and requires travel
Betsy lays it all down . . . what I've learned in comedy . . . so far
Well, you are being paid
That $40 a week is going to take us through
You gotta finish strong
I picked the handicapped guy and made the most inappropriate joke
Well, the audience knew he was handicap . . . but I didn't
Later in the show my pants starts falling down
No laughs at this either
Here I am walking down the street
So what's going on with you guys then?
I'm not going to list it out again
Follow Kris on twitter
Join the Croncast Facebook group
We come around the pillars
There are people just smoking
Blowing smoke in tourists faces
Out of the corner of my eye I see these guys
Then hear, "You got this one, Phil?"
Flicks his cigarette
He's doing the new york fast walk
Of course the cop didn't care
What are you doing in SOHO with a hot dog cart in front of the Prada store?
The place of small dogs, tall women and street vendors on crack
I think you would love New York, Betsy
Sure I almost got robbed
But I even love the filthy, dirty New York
It's got high energy

Tags: Prada Store SOHO breadwinner NYC kidrobot

Season 21 Ep 20: Paper Collars, Carry On, Mexico Anxiety

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:26:55 -0400

Croncast - 2009-03-11.mp3
Show: #520
Length: 30:30
Size: 28.0 mb
Format: mp3

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Traveling with Grammie's carry on
Boarding the dogs
Mexico anxiety is coming home to roost
Paper dog collars
Hercy vajajay slayer
TSA was just messing with me
It wasn't a vacation
Did you have the kids?
Did you drink?
Yes and yes
Then it was a vacation

Tags: peecol kidrobot mexico anxiety paper collars grandma luggage

i think my car is a transformer

Thu, 08 May 2008 16:37:27 -0400

i have never looked that up-close at the front of my car before to see this ornamental detail.

now that i have, i am expecting to wake up at midnight with chromed out menacing robot standing over me.

Tags: car midnight wake chromed robot

Born to podcast and new mediaize

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 09:20:27 -0500

I was looking around kristophersmith.com, my other blog, and found my first blog post "Soo . . . this is Wordpress?"

"I am very interested in the ability to add my own audio blogs also."

That post was about 6 months ahead of the beginning of podcasting. And when I thought it was cool to write like a robot.

I didn't know that podcasting was in the works, but when a colleague introduced me to it in October 2004, it was time to get it on.

Tags: Kris Smith new media podcasting RSS kristopher smith

Raise your Google PR, add 'nofollow' to affiliate links

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:59:56 -0500

For the last six weeks I have paid the price for forgetting to upload updated scripts that had the "nofollow" attribute added to text links. By not getting this done when I wanted I suffered the wrath of Google's PR (page rank) drops for those with "paid" text links.

Though, mine weren't paid, they are a home grown system that I wrote for the eBay affiliate program. Turns out the Google algorithm never asked if I was being paid for those links. Stupid robots.

The impact has been that our Google search referrals went down by over half!

This cut my average monthly take from Adsense and the eBay affiliate program to less than $200 combined. Barely enough to cover my server and not enough from Adsense to even get a payout last month. Bluh.

Since Monday I have been watching search referrals steadily climb and our Adsense and eBay money generation increase accordingly.

My recommendation to anyone that currently relies on search traffic to make some loot add rel="nofollow" to all of your text links that might be interpreted as paid.

And if you are using a text link ad company, ask them if they are using it. If not, make your own affiliate links and blaze a DIY trail that Google won't punish you for.

Tags: Adsense eBay affiliate eBay developer Google PR text links

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 06:33:12 -0400

Croncast - 2006-07-28.mp3

Show: #255
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris July 28, 2006

Kris is a bit persnickety tonight
Click the fifth tab for the real mailing address, 800 number and the email form
Send all email to thesmithmall@hotmail.com
Nobody gets it
Lots of Smiths in this world
So why did you take my last name anyway?
Normally I get along well with hardcore feminist chics
She made fun of me in class
The old sees the me me know there would be some problems
Keeping it real
Stoner in the basement that would have been managing the apartment building
Passing stuff up through the well
The Kris's social issues
Kris goes off into the world and then come trotting back with the stories
The problem is on my end, I know it
Hi, I'm Kris opening
There server cut loose with wind
I point out that the "smell" wasn't me
Bad move
Petit women never talk to me I think they are worried that I may fall on them and crush them like a bug
I'm married to you and you're not fine
TechCocktail1 was much more suitable for a bear
Betsy's dead racoon story
Racoon committed suicide
Muffin will meet her end this weekend
Explaining to the kids about the dog's imminent death
Tell him that when she dies he can have her cash card
Jauguar XK talk and emails
I only test drove the car . . . but yes I am in love
People don't think I follow through, they have never met my wife
The baby photos that never should see the light of day
Controlling the little sisters life

Tags: Smith feminist Muffin social problems TechCocktail1 Jaguar XK

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 143

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 07:05:16 -0500

Croncast - 2005-11-01.mp3

Show: #184
Length: 37:48
Size: 25.9 mb
Format: mp3

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 143

Show Notes

------------------------------------------
Betsy's eBay listings link

TheSmithMall

------------------------------------------

Show intro
Betsy sings (this is what happens before every show begins)
I am Betsy's bitch
I make her air pop popcorn
Betsy has scaley feet
Betsy wants a pedicure
Putting up a picture of Kris' feet would get us thousands of hits
They would all be men pleasuring themselves until they find out that they are attached to a man with a beard
Betsy is ready to pimp me out instead of podcast
Creeped out spending the dough, dirty stripper money
Kris is still eating the same value meal
Men are too fat when they can no longer see penis in shower
Betsy is watching Oprah again, "Launch your own comeback"
Not wearing makeup
Princess Betsy with lipstick
Bird with plumage
Sexy male birds
Stuffing myself with food to not see penis to keep temptations at bay
Penn and Teller
Betsy's reality shows are now overlapping
Ulga's, Pink Cheeks, hair removal
The Girls Next Door, the Playboy show terrible name
The girls went to get waxes
Adult inside jokes in G and PG movies
Robots, "I get the Brazilian because it makes me feel like it is a fiesta everyday."
What happens when 6 year Ginny says that to her teacher?
PBS whoring out it's cartoon characters for cash
Euphemisms for bodily functions
Kris grew up next to the Montezumas
Kris gets the Hamburger Helper Star of the day
Keys, Cell Phone, Jumpdrive in the left pocket
Wallet, money, change in the right pocket
What you don't know about people you marry until they reveal things many years later
Kris won't call for pizza
I do it for organization
Betsy is going to buy me a girdle so I can see junk again
Having an attack
Don't rock my pocket world
Divorce of the pockets
Betsy's cough for lingers from the sore throat
I'll eat it, but food with hair from the animal that it belongs to are way too gross
Eating a chicken wing and flossing at the same time
I try to Betsy kudos for her meal cooking and somehow it goes back to me throwing a man fit of somekind
Buying a can of Ragu from Walgreens
Reasons housewifedom have come to suit Betsy
Cleaning a house with two screaming kids
Short shout outs for the night, Betsy will get crafty with them for Friday
Croncast has the best listeners
Betsy can't tell me about the poverty book anymore
Female donations

Tags: betsy kris croncast pocket feet

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 19

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 12:43:23 -0500

Croncast - 2005-01-05.mp3

Show: #46
Length: 35:28
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 16.2 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 19

Today's show is what I consider one of the best that Betsy and I have done.

Today's Show

Intro
I said "shoot us" an email
Kris doesn't have a non-nerdy alter ego
Shane is MIP (Missing In Podcasting)
MixCast - it is beta - first podcasting killer app
Betsy's birthday is in 4 days
Is there an after life?
Make a card or something
Betsy tells Kris not to buy her a gift
$10 dollar spending limit
Betsy is excessive
The "playdate" in the suburbs
My doggy went crazy
Birthday suggesstions for Betsy-
1) $10 gift certificate to Goodwill
2) $10 in make-up from dollar store
3) $10 for Aldi's
Betsy asks if we've been married for 10 years - Answer: 9
What am I going to get Betsy?
Nicole Simon - http://useful-sounds.de/
Kris abducted Betsy as a teenager
Oops, look what you did to me
Don't tell people that they are hormonally crazy or about to be
12 hour erection or 12 hour boner?
Penis enhancement surgery
Kinsey - I hurt even typing it in
It's snowing in Chicagoland
Do the suburban school's have snow days?
Special THANK YOU to our listeners!!!!
Vote for Croncast at Podcastalley.com a vote of confidence
The baby can live outside now
Tell your friends about the show
All about the planchette
The baby goes nuts
Betsy asks Kris, if he knows what it is like to be pregnant?
The creepy creature in your abdomen
An obese squirrel in the abdomen
Betsy asks Kris if he knows what it is like to give birth?
"You feel like you're gonna die"
No Diet Coke but the heroine is OK in labor
Who's gonna get fixed, Kris or Betsy?
Laparoscopy is the word
The Man's MRI at 2 1/2 years old
Pumping him full of dope
The more he got the more pissed off he got
Our PSA for calming your medically challenged kid - Robot Arm
He's been seizure free for a year
Now he knows the "F" word
Kris was raised by stray cats and wolves
They are Peti Mal
Who's next?
Kris really wants to interview Jeff Bridges

Tags: betsy kris croncast asks knows

Croncast - John and his friend Kris - Ep. 2

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 11:40:41 -0500

Croncast-2004-11-30.mp3

Back with John Wohlers for day two and a bit about his home automation fetish.

Length: 36:27
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 16.7 mb

Today's Show

Intro
John returns
Renn faire affair wrap up
Talking 10,000 ren faire photos
Automate that house X10 passion
The Pronto 500 Remote from Philips
Programming a Pronto - device breakdown
Powerline carriers
John's house controlled via web
Laziness is the mother of invention
Edison and recording
Pre-popup
Kris uses word lexicon
Odyssey - Gretchen Helfrich WBEZ Chicago
The Odyssey secret to production
RPR - Red Neck Public Radio
How long is too long
$$$ for home automation
Mr. House
Robo Sapien
Betsy will buy it for a $.25 and sell it to you for $300
Kris thanks John
John says he likes show
Dave and the HeathKit Robot
LOGO
The commands
Where did it begin for John
Punch card playtime
Kris thanks John for PHP/MySQL help
Kris got some ideas, scheme maybe
Come back tomorrow John
More life box

Tags: john kris house automation long

Croncast - Dave and office mate Kris - 2

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 23:53:35 -0500

Croncast-2004-11-16.mp3 18.9 mb 41:21 64k

Today's Show

Step down memory lane, geeks, for LOGO and HERO robots.

Mumbo jumbo
Ham radio Alaska
Dave's huge antenna
Apple's in the appliance store
Working for Apple
What's up with the kids?
Unreal Friday night killers!
Moon girl
Dave says, "Have a great life everybody."

Tags: dave croncast apple working kids