salt | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 19 Ep 14: International Player, Un-Unitarian, Faded Duds

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:43:31 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-08.mp3
Show: #460
Length: 31:41
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are for 2008 02 08
If you were an international player such as myself
What do you do internationally?
Podast internationally three times a week
You are an exporter baby
The air mattress can hold more money
Less filler
Thesises theses who knows . . .someone does
Mixed intro with Betsy
Comments about Kris's CB handle
I didn't have one
I was never in to it
You mean you were never allowed
Your CB would have been made of a Fisher-Price record player
It wasn't bad to the bone
When the bullet hits the bone
Different that what you think
It's a Friday . . . we gotta keep things loose
You are doing a live improv show
How do you do a "non-live" improv show?
I see, but you have to be spontaneous
You're gonna be prissy
The guy who likes to flip over chairs
You are manic
So are your people
Yeah, but you are predictable too
What do you do?
Kid who talks so much
I am bothered already
It's just stupid
No enough
I do hate improv
Ninety five percent of it is bad
Five percent is good
I don't like sitting through it to catch the good stuff
If it were tv I would change the channel
What is your next step?
I can't do it I'm 32
The younger people can do it
We'd be opening strip shows
He takes off his coat and he has my shirt on
I flipped out
But why?
How un-unitarian is it of you
To challenge your child on the gender specificity of his clothes
You should have worried more that it was your shirt
The first person that owned that messed up
The lady who bought it at Goodwill was out of their minds
Everybody gives me a hard time about my clothes
No one else gets it baby
Your 1998 pants need to be destroyed
Your stove pipe pants hearken back to grunge days
They have been sitting at Goodwill for 10 years
You rescued them from the slow ship to Africa
Those pants sang to you
I wash, dry and they fit like a glove
You are irrationally afraid of sharks and feet
Tromping around in the snow
That is the bummer part
You put on yesterday's pants
If they have yesterday's salt ring on them
That is a total bummer
I hate the midwest
I just don't care, Kris
If you won't let your kid wear it
You shouldn't wear it either
I don't consider what Elliot would look like in it
We've come a long way since we moved into the suburbs
I have been assimilated and so have you
I am not talking politics with you
People will realize that Obama has Jesus shooting out of his eyes
Let me give you a hint, baby, you are the only one who sees Jesus Check out the For Whatever Reason Podcast Produced by friend of the show Tim Alexander

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: record player Tim Alexander CB Handle 1998 pants For Whatever Reason

Burning down the house

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 21:32:14 -0600

Betsy found this gem from last summer on the laptop tonight.

Some of you might remember when my mother-in-law set the grill ablaze last summer and my first instinct was to put it out with a sea salt grinder.

Advice: keep that fire extinguisher close or get a really big sea salt grinder.

Tags: salt sea grinder summer big

Croncast listeners are priceless

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 09:08:34 -0500

As usual, you guys are sending in the best stuff. I spend more time per day laughing at what you send in than I do laughing at myself . . . that is hard to do, especially with Betsy laughing at me too.

So here's the funny for today. This was sent in by Lachie:

Suspect BBQ from Goodwill = $100.
Lite Mad Cow Steaks = $30.
Kris trying to put out a raging inferno with a salt grinder.priceless.

If you missed this show or haven't caught up yet it is episode #268 from August 28th.

Tags: Priceless MasterCard PayPass laughing Lachie

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 28, 2006

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 06:31:08 -0500

Croncast - 2006-08-28.mp3

Show: #268
Length: 34:22
Size: 23.6 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris August 28, 2006

Oh there is a new sound in town
Betsy is grumping about having to breath
The light glaring off your head is burning my retinas and making me sleepy
The evolution in razors
You would have been a wooly monster
The terminal point of beard growing
I don't know my terminal length
The fifth blade removes the top layer of skin
The worst mother dig of all time from Betsy
Lips doth did part
Today has been a crazy day
I told the man it was a weird day
Kris missed saving a family of 4 that drove into a lake somehow
It is a fake lake to supply a subdivision waterfall
Kris sort of saw it happen
With CopmUSA closing I was preoccupied
I hear the sounds from the accident and agray flash through the neighbors houses
I was looking the wrong way when we drove by, didn't think of the lake
Well, I didn't hear them screaming . . . they were drowning
As they are gasping their lasts breaths pressed against the window
Betsy says I'm cold
Kris did save the family
When homeless get a Costco card to eat samples to sustain
Betys goes off and buys $30 in steaks
Usually it is mad cow in a tube
So Barb adds the seasoning, turns on grill, to clean it turns it on high and then has a martini
Grill is now set to high
20 minutes goes by and she heads out to put steaks
Opens the door and uses panic voice
"You have to tell Kris to come right away . . . well, theres a fire. Thank you," then closes the door
Betsy rouses me from the basement with the work "Fire"
Stay in the basement because it's safe even though there is a fire
The Goodwill grill is now in full flame burning off all the grease from the trap
The charred chunky collector flaming and the top are ball of flames and black smoke
Kris asks for the baking soda
I asked for fire extinguisher right now . . . Betsy threw it out
Betsy says it didn't look good and didn't match
Any fire extinguisher is better than none
Betsy hands me the Morton Salt instead of the Trader Joe's sea salt grinder
Saved by neighbor Jack and his fire extinguisher
As soon as hose melts to tank I am going to die in an explosion
With 911 on call waiting my mother-in-law clicks over to Vicky
He saved our house . . . he saved Croncast
Betsy finally finds our extinguisher in the garage
Finally doused it in water to cool it down to turn off the gas
The grill cleaned up ok but I don't think we'll ever use it again
Then Kris was swarmed by bees
It will go straight to my brain
Betsy gets in more about her steaks
If I had saved other family I still would be filling out reports and my family would have died
Message to you: Go out and buy some fire extinguishers to keep at home.
We talk about the end of our week last . . . podcasting production
The stress level has gone way down thanks to Palegroove the cause of the stress
Wanting podcast contracts to happen
It is a really big project that will be a ton of fun
Writing down your goals can make a huge difference in your life
Many people think podcasts cost $100 to produce . . . not even close with your own equipment
Kris is speaking at the Portable Media Expo and then I'll fill in the podcasting bits
3 Croncast T's are on the table for production
PhilipZ is holding it down with Handle Moxie

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: Goodwill grill Costco meat Portable Media Expo fire extinguisher

Betsy and her husband Kris May 19, 2006

Fri, 19 May 2006 07:54:02 -0500

Croncast - 2006-05-19.mp3

Show: #229
Length: 33:16
Size: 22.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 19, 2006

So iambic pentametered you could set your watch to it?
Betsy laughs and bops head at the intro
Throwing kiddy treats that look like dog treats
Betsy has had it with everbody "we can kiss her ass"
She is going to buy a van with curtains
Momma will get a new air freshener tomorrow
In four months I'll just buy a new $3000 van
Feeding you kid salteens in the car
Ruining our autos one garage sale at a time
"I don't care"
I do it all for you but youi won't let me throw hamburger?
My Scion xB smells like a dead dog
Betsy is going to fill it a bottle of Charlie to kill smell
Still fixed
"When you are getting tested, nobody wants what you got"
Betsy worked it today
People can't hang with Betsy, not children, husband nor friends
Betsy's got that garage sale tacet knowledge
The stuffed spooky snow man that is worth loot

Crazy plate collecting ladies love them
The "I don't speak english" garage sale tactic
Betsy doesn't need her sister kicking it with her while she pregnant, can't hang
She wants to hang with me she needs a scooter
Much more conversion van speak
Kris will be speaking at the Portable Media Expo in September!
My session is: Leveraging Your Knowledge as a Successful Podcasting Consultant If you want to a meet and greet there let us know - it's in Ontario, CA east of LA

Tags: conversion van garage sale Scion xB tacet knowledge vasectomy

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 06:00:06 -0500

Croncast - 2006-04-24.mp3

Show: #219
Length: 33:22
Size: 22.9 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 24, 2006

You haven't bought me a present in a while, like three years
Kris went all out one year
Then we starved for three months later
A fistfull of testers from a dumpster for you Betsy
Smelling like a $10 hooker
I'm good and Betsy is great
Betsy has a first
The My Twinn foot hanging off the Goodwill rack
Maggie's like, "No no no" body shake
If Maggie could learn her orangutan moves she could do Clint Eastwood movies
Kris doesn't know what My Twinn dolls are
The pulse of my own heart in my ears
80% of Betsy's Goodwill posse is continually questioning their reality
Betsy had to evacuate on Saturday
Goodwill is cheaper than going to the laundr-o-mat
The Diet Coke gets opened
Yet another chubster addicted to Diet Coke
Designing a doll to look just like your child
Sending in the profiles of your child and they put the head on the doll
Moles, freckles and all
The doll hospital
Technically it would be murder if they replaced the doll head
Where can I send you when I am dissatisfied
Betsy had to check herself
Send a pic of Elliot with a pic of Maggie and ask them to combine them for the head
Michael Jackson's black or white video
Googie looks like my mom
Doll pricing follows the call girl market could be sold on futures
I don't understand paying for sex
Betsy is uncomfortable talking about this subject
I've been propositioned for garage sale money
Betsy had her own garage sale
She leaves in the middle of her own sale to go to others
Strangers coming to the door asking "How much?"
Buying from your neighbors
Tracking your childhood through your mom's eBay history list
Honey if you miss it I'll find you another one next week at a garage sale
Selling Legos a pound at a time
Audio quality is up, I am really happy, let us know what you think
Elliot's got an electric guitar out of the purchase
The opporunities that I never had is what I want for kids
If you've got it, it's ok
The first step to Republicanism
What are they paying for . . . social programs?
Putting your kids needs right on top and first
The blue house memories
"I like this house, it's bigger and I like walking to school. When I get old Maggie's going to bury me in the backyard."
Kris never moved as a kid
Transients moving in and out when I was a kid in a small town
Kris busts out small town speak - "druggie"
Missy is the other colequial for a teenage mother
Faith or Hope or Diamond or Princess
Euphoria
Kris won't tell when his vasectomy date is
Funding your lifestyle with 8 kids plus
Watching Big Love - Kris says, "Bluh. I don't get it."
Betsy says, "Sopranos Salt Lake style."
The gnats attack
I just saw a gnat fly between your glasses and face

Tags: Goodwill My Twinn Republicanism Michael Jackson FirePod

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr. 5, 2006

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 07:00:16 -0500

Show Notes for #211

Length: 38:14
Size: 26.2 mb
Format: mp3

Download Croncast - 2006-04-05.mp3

Listen with iTunes? Spread the word!

Betsy and I try to follow up Monday's show and feel the pressure. We talked about it before the mics went on and well, you'll hear.

It is Wednesday right?
It is top Chef Day on Bravo
Betsy could watch any reality show
A three bean chili to reference top shelf
Lots of Kris coughing
The reality show formula
Good at the game because they are mediocre
Not as terrible as the 17 year old girl
Crabby 50 year old
Kris says porn is reality based
Betsy says, "Don't mess with my handy man fantasy"
Muffin blows a gasket upstairs
Mother-in-law wants to put the dog to sleep
Princess Muffin's doggyness
Doggyy boarding school 3 years ago . . . . $1800!
This damn dog ruining the carpet
She has to eat with the special dog gravy sauce
Who the hell whould buy dog gravy
Dog gravy or Garlic Pretzels?
Buying wierd snacks so no one eats them
Placebo diet of "nothing to eat"
No salty fingers here
You have no idea
The sweet, slow developmentally disable check out girl
You don't need cash
Dealers soon to take debit cards
Trying PeaPod
Kris needs to buy his own groceries
Get a better job you can buy real Cheatos
Can stand powder cheese and spaghettios
OkeDoke popcorn
The spaghettio taste and disgusting scent
Swedish spaghetti derivitive prok grease and corn starch
Who wants Betsy's Swedish Spaghetti recipe?
Chicken wings and french fries
Betsy's dream list
How many puffalumps to sell for an extreme body makeover
Armpits that look like asshole
Sweeping up the shavings from the floor
Getting an armlift
Betsy flank steak
Now you know what is really in bologna
Betsy has the plastic surgeons ad floating on the counter for a week
Betsy wants a tummy tuck, arm lift and my fav a breast do up
Why? Had two kids and have lost over 110 lbs
Metamorphic changes that need extreme home make over
10 weeks in bed and $40,000 and what do you get?
Bring on the fourth one
I don't care what they fill them with
Look good and soft to my touch
What surgery would Kris get?
Fix my teeth and bore out one of my nostrils
I can put a quarter width wise in my nose hole
Maggie has a weird nose (probly from her real daddy)
Comcast DVR is for bitches it is bad tech
Betsy is now a Big Love fan
Regret not doing the promos for HBO?
Betsy refused to pimped us out for $5.00 (not the real amount)
Is HBO worth it anymore?
Vacation to Deadwood, S.D.
Send your tricks for travleing with kids
Marlin Perkins from Wild Kingdom had it right
Send the kid running, dart them, wrap him in a net, blindfold him and then release him in the wild
Betsy wants to take a small airplane to S.D.
I'm not going camping
North Country - the movie, Betsy gives ending away
Aerosol spray butter

Tags: top chef swedish reality show croncast podcast

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 133

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 15:57:49 -0500

Croncast - 2005-10-10.mp3

Show: #174
Length: 23:59
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 11.0 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 133

CONTEST WINNER IS: Jim Flanagan with "Blind Date".

Sorry to make everyone wait for the show today. You see it is Christopher Columbus day and we are strict observers of this national holiday.

Show Notes

Betsy is being disemboweled from the inside out by a virus
The evil Applebees carside to go not curbside
Drawing for the winner with lame sound effects
Jim with the "Blind Date" story
Kitty beds for the inner bestailist at valentines
No he is not a babillionaire
Cheap coffee comes from New Orleans
I profess the boom of Starbucks
Elliot says "I going to eat . . . "
"Mama don't put me in the trunk again"
They say the worst thing at the worst time
Filthy Rich Cattle drive

Yahoo gets on board with podcasting
Our spot at Yahoo leave some reviews!
The playing field begins to level again - thanks Yahoo (still not perfect though)
Betsy whines over intestinal pain
Betsy the Us Weekly junkie
She says we are just like Nick and Jessica, holding it together for the show
Weight Watcher is a Midwest deal
Maggie says her first word last week "Mama"
Betsy thinks Kris turning 31 in a month is funny
She will turn 17 according to her Mexican birth certificate
The stretch marks and her salty sailor hands will giver her away
Collagen and Botox for my hands
Kris's sharp shins and beautiful feet
Singles can figure out how to fix themselves by getting married

Tags: betsy kris croncast yahoo date