saturday | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Look out South, here we come (Atlanta or bust)

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 08:56:06 -0500

Me, Betsy and the Goodwill Wagon are headed to Atalanta on a road trip next weekend. We're having a meetup on Saturday June 28, from 12 pm - 2 pm at Manuel's Tavern - http://www.manuelstavern.com/.

This joint was picked by friend and local Atlantan, @timshifted.

We're looking forward to a couple of days in A-town and would like to meet you if you have the time. Come on out and get a drink and some bbq with us!

Tags: Manuel's Tavern Atlanta timshifted Croncast road trip

Season 19 Ep 26: Kick Ass Mustache, Spilled Coffee, Toe Rings

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:54:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-28.mp3
Show: #473
Length: 11:17
Size: 7.84 mb
Format: mp3

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Shout to Mike Dunn
You are digging yourself a hole Kris
Walking in NYC is not like walking anywhere else on the planet
Like a mommy in the morning?
Putting on deodorant walking down the block
Not one person looked at me sideways
Don't ask him for money
I love New York
I want to live someplace with a goat
They won't let me have a goat in New York
Well, when it poops they would see it
People just might want to eat your goat
It would poop and you would chasing chocolate marbles on the sidewalk
She had toe rings
That was it getting on the plane
The kids keep going ape
I knock her Starbucks down and spill it
I am in row one, so I can get out quick
I really wanted to help this woman
Especially, when the chubby hamster next to you spills your coffee
She says, "Let me clean it up"
She put on her toe rings thinking today would be different
Did you get a toe ring to the face?
Turns out to be Billy Bob Thornton?
No
He was four Billy Bobs
Did you put on deodorant before you got on the plane?
When the person next to you seeks comfort
She starts weeping
I felt like such an asshole
It was not just the coffee it was the culmination of lots of things
We really need to go
And that is it. This is such a short show.
The kids are wired
Spilled Coffee
Kris is sick
Regular shows and show notes Monday.

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: New York City toe rings Mike Dunn mustache spilled coffee

Season 19 Ep 25: Trying to catch the train

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 07:56:18 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-26.mp3
Show: #472
Length: 18:00
Size: 16 MBmb
Format: mp3

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Going sans show notes on this one guys. I am sitting on the couch of the gracious host that has been putting me up for the last two nights typing this out.

No longer on couch now at train typing furiously. Here she be.

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: iPhone Kris Smith Betsy Smith Croncast

Season 19 Ep 24: Moral Compass, I can't tell you, ABBA

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:30:12 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-24.mp3
Show: #471
Length: 26:34
Size: 18.9mb
Format: mp3

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Wish I had done show notes last night
Trying to the show to download from my phone isn't going too quickly
OK, here's what I got
The laughing intro
Betsy has to stop
She can't handle not making fun of me
Oh, Mr B
You'll be gone for 3 days
You're boyfriend would come out of the closet
How did I slip through?
If it were 1950 I would be married to a gay man
Now they're strolling to Erasure hand in hand
Isn't that ABBA?
Whitney was for the queens too?
Yes, Kris
Why do you think they like me so much?
That is what will hold you back from being a republican
No that would be my moral compass
It's called empathy
Henry is still trying to make me a republican
You have a manic nature with work
Just put a chip in me
Interfacing with machines would be much easier
What did you just think?
I won't be held to testify, I can't tell you

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: ABBA Republican moral compass betsy smith

Season 19 Ep 23: Omniscient Nerd, Void Your Warranty, Ferocity

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:42:29 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-21.mp3
Show: #470
Length: 15:41
Size: 10.8mb
Format: mp3

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We keeps it short today
Maggie is sick with croup and flu with fever
It's one half of a show
So I was at Goodwill
What story you tell doesn't start this way?
My pockets were loaded
I don't trust my purse
You shouldn't
We haven't told the story of your purse being stolen yet?
Nope
Another day
Not to be disgusting
Sure
I had to go to the bathroom and leave my cart outside the door
I pulled up my pants with ferocity
As soon as I left my pockets felt lighter
Oh, Baby
I go back in and my cell phone is in the toilet
Multi-use public toilet
I had to decide which hand to stick into the toilet
Baby, I gotta tell ya
You should have just left it
Goodwill urine water would do it
You could have sold it with your personal information
What are they going to steal? Your skype number?
This person could use more friends
Lists of potential friends
I love the idea
How much is a list of friends from a cell phone found in a toilet at Goodwill?
You're right
Kris, I need you to get me a new phone
I want a penny phone
Cheap flip phone?
Cell phones say a lot about people
It's like getting out of prison and wearing the same clothes from 20 years ago
I want a phone that I can dial and drive
If you hit the shift key you can dial numbers
It isn't a smart phone
They call that insurance fraud
I gotta hit the red dot
Sure, if you crack the head open you will void the warranty
It's funny you say that
Two months ago I had brain surgery
I felt like I was an inch tall
Omniscient nerd

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: smart phone Verizon voided warranty Omniscient nerd

Season 19 Ep 22: Workahol, Collecting Pennies, Astro Van

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:50:33 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-19.mp3
Show: #469
Length: 27:10
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

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Taking you to the hospital was a bit comedic
You are such an ass
Listen, it had to be done
I asked you not to put that picture on the internet
You did and then 20 minutes later you said put it up
Technologically challenged isn't something you can plead
Sell all of your clothes and buy an iPod
That is the way it should be done
"We're going to have to start an IV"
No, no, no
It gave me a flashback to giving blood
Those self-satisfied, holier than though bloodletting freaks
Sitting around sipping orange juice and eating vanilla wafers
Even the dancing blood drop
He is the smuggest prick around
I've had two children the IV was the worst part
Just do it
Don't tell me about it
This was a serious deal
You couldn't let this thing fester
I was down here digging ditches for you
I am going to get you a bottle a Workahol
I gotta be here to support you
Waskily wabbit do I need to you to show up in a crisis
The tables were completely reversed
You give me
You gotta put the antibacterial stuff on on it
Clean your dog bite wounds right away
You should immediately go to hospital for wound
Can you scratch my butt with your tooth
Then you get bitten
Now it is trying to kill you
The other angle that is happening
No you are trying to work from your mobile phone
Betsy went off the deep end
You became party Betsy
I did like 30 minutes of stand up
Filling in the gaps for Betsy
Then you did the laugh
I can't stand the whole blood thing
She hit a good vein
The nurse goes "Whoah!"
"You don't feel that?"
They just cut you
You're gonna be ok though
I have it on video
I know, the nurse didn't think to stop me
That won't hold up in court when you say Macy's dressing room
There was blood everywhere
The blood pooled in your elbow pit
Yeah, and you were over there drinking your Workahol
The ball was in court
Yes, it was kind of humorous
You were twittering the whole time
I wasn't doing that
I will scroll through your twitter record
You got through it very well
As an outpatient they said, double the drugs
Bit by the meanest shihtzu on the planet
During the intake you have to fill out the dog attack form
The dogophilia love that you suffer from
I knew the answer would be . . . it wasn't the dogs fault, it was mine
You people are crazy
It is the abuse gene
There were other women at the hospital say the same thing
Two nurses said the same thing!
My 15 yo dog bit me too
I know it was my fault and you laughed with her
You domesticated a wolf and invited it into your home
It is not your fault that they bite you
It is part of their nature
Mostly subdued but it is inherent in their personalities
Speaking of 15 pound one toothed animals
I saw Billy Bob Thornton and his band play in Austin
Riding in a Lesbian's Astro Van to dinner
She has a huge freezer bag full of stuff
It is dried peppers and tomatoes
He starts to eat some
The convince some people to try it
She's got the sweet Astro van
I know not to eat strange food in a mini van with two lesbians
What is it season with?
It as a 0 point yeast
The guy next to me spits it out across my lap
A zero point yeast!
Billy Bob Thornton was playing at Antone's
Real pennies prior to 1982

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: astro van shihtzu bite workahol collecting pennies zero point yeast gum

Season 19 Ep 21: John Adams, Hershey's Floor, Lock Picking Kit

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 08:30:15 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-17.mp3
Show: #468
Length: 30:01
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a couple weeks
It's good to hear your voice baby
Stasis soon, I said
That was work
Thanks to Josh Bancroft for the message
Betsy was just attacked
It is no one else's fault but yours
You are to blame
I was watching a show about John Adams on HBO
Which is a sign your balls are reaching your knees
What were you watching?
Oprah's Big Give
I heard it is horrible
Yeah, it is pretty bad
Mom decided to go to bed
I thought I would pick up her old dog and carry it upstairs
I am talking about my empathy for this cold hearted bitch
I reach down to pick up the dog
And what do I get
That bitch attacked me with her one good tooth
She inserted it viciously into the palm of my hand
I got the hysterical laughs
Don't make me put the dog to sleep
She was laying on a piece of Zeus's bone
That is why she bit
I know
This is on page one of your baby book
Your mom tried to get your dad to do something he shouldn't
You love chaos in your life
Why else would I be married to you?
You look at a situation that appears to be calm
And you can find the chaos
How can you disagree with me?
I can't
That brings me to a story Mr. B
Jeanie is moving on up
Up where
Here you doofus
You neglected to notice that your children aren't in school
You have set precedence with this
Yeah, I have dropped him off twice with no school
Hello
So we take Elliot with us to go and look at rental homes
That is a good idea
Jeanie calls up a property management company
We have three houses lined up
Is that foreshadowing? Is that what they call it in the biz?
For $1100 a month what do you get?
The lemon yellow peeling paint house
It was made for a Model A
If you kick out the stick it all would have fell down
Couldn't tell where the house was
How could you not?
We saw it and the Psycho music played
Jeanie is polite
We went through with it
Why?
Maybe there is something fabulous here
Gluttons for punishment you are
I used to launch my He-Man action figure from the cloths line
Nifty, I feel robbed
If you only had one He-Man toy why did you treat him so bad?
They would have changed my name to Poindexter
You'll understand that when we open the side door
It was a smelly out of Cops house
The poor wife who was shackled to the bastard who owned
I am going to laugh because I am scared
Different paint in rooms
Different borders
This one looks like your mom put it up after a bottle of Smirnoff and Scope
The boards on the floor didn't even touch
No one sanded the floor they just painted it brown
It was a Hershey's floor with gaps
Slops of brown
At the next house he can't find the key
He busts out a lock picking kit
The place looks beautiful
But we see a ring around the walls
It had flooded and they never cleaned it up
I looked behind the wet bar
There were mushrooms growing out of the baseboards

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: He Man Jeanie lock picking kit rental house Oprah's Big Give

Season 19 Ep 20: Ant Races, Co-working, Apologies

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:56:49 -0600

Croncast - 2008-03-03.mp3
Show: #467
Length: 18:12
Size: 12.6mb
Format: mp3

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Man!
First off, apologies for not getting the shows last week out.
We are close to reaching a stasis in our lives
Balance is needed so that we can get the shows out on time and back into our routine
Oh, boy
Little tension here
I am really interested in co-working type of setup
Rooms for rent
That isn't the same
What do you need space for?
What people like about co-working aspect is similarity
We got stuff in common
I don't want a cubicle
I used to spray paint when I was a kid
Ant races

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: spraypaint colored ants saddles website building apologies

Season 19 Ep 20: Stage Mommy, Tight Wrangler's, Your people

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:58:54 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-27.mp3
Show: #466
Length: 26:35
Size: 18.3mb
Format: mp3

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You look business like today, Kris
Are you kidding me?
Are you looking at me or did you lose eyesight?
You can't say the you actually left the house
Not once did I leave the house in the last 1 1/2 since I started working at home to work
Sure I traveled and did work but when it was time to work I was at home
Every time that that I go to a Caribou or a Starbucks
There are always
Maybe they think what you and I do is ridiculous
You have tons of passion
Your new routine is to work until 1 a.m.
I watched The Wire on demand
I've been working 14 hour days baby
Spending lots of time at 6 am with our son
He's got a great creative mind
Betsy, you are becoming a stage mommy
You are
The vicariousness of you actions is evident
You should just be outside with him
I was never interested as a kid
Yeah, but now you are
He doesn't have any fear about talking to people
Bursting into song in the McDonald's restroom can be embarrassing
He's got bad coordination like you
You need two mirrors to even see your hair
Why are there no Goodwill scores lately
Clean out their whatever?
I am waiting for grandmothers to die so their kids can donate her china
Baby, I don't know about your business plans
They all involve death
Like what?
Uh, Murder McMansions?
Oh, yeah
It is a good thing I don't have a ton of insurance
It's a good that that lottery winner in Georgia was a woman
If her husband had won he would have left her
Do you fear that?
The debt reduction plan
Having some drinks with Mike Marusin
Join Twitter!
Kris - http://twitter.com/croncast
Betsy - http://twitter.com/resalequeen
The Guinness Girls were there?
Yes
Did they have muffin tops?
No
Then they were girls
You don't make enough for me to get my boobs fixed
Then you could get a Guinness girl job
I could do apple bottom jeans for cowboys
Most farm girls with tight jeans got that weird butt
How do they get that?
From riding horses
Strong butt and thighs
At the FFA convention the Wyoming female contingent could crush cars
What are you plans for after 500 shows?

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Wranglers Guinness FFA stage mother funny accent

Season 19 Ep 19: The Mr. B's, Conspiracy, School Stories

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:38:19 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-25.mp3
Show: #465
Length: 33:15
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

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I'm busy, I got things to do Mr B
No replacements.com did not sponsor the last Resale Queen
Avenue for Revenue
You should use that your service
The road to cash is paved with stoneware
The cartoon, thank you
It's not funny
I don't need to take look or a photo
It's like you are Mooney
The 1980's kerfuffle
How often do you ask yourself, "who owns the building I am in?"
Are you going to play cops and robbers in the afterlife?
They have diversified in weaponry
Designed and patented his own handguns
I don't know any of them
You are crazy
Are you a Moonie Kris?
I am way undercover
Betsy volunteers weekly for Elliot's art class
It isn't volunteer anymore I am requested
Even as an adult I am afraid of the principal
Now they will punish my child
You have issues
What?
He touched another girl inappropriately
What happened?
The only job of a principle is to make sure school district doesn't get sued
That could be true
The whole "gun" hands on the playground
That's true
What happens at the private school?
I went to a Christian school for first grade
No way!
Let me remind you I skipped a grade
How could I forget
He kept guns in his office

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: iPod kerfuffle racoons christian school sheep barn

Season 19 Ep 18: Hey Sugar, Maiden Warrior, Let's meet

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:22:04 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-22.mp3
Show: #464
Length: 32:14
Size: 29.8mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a while
I'm rusty
Remembering the order that I say things in
I don't use the Secret, no
You are a closet Unitarian Mr. B
No I am not
Are you a Secretologist?
She says random stuff
I'm just speaking my mind
That is what she things
Trying to get my goat
Takes one to know one
You are messing with wrong chick
She told me that she someone from my church
The woman told me she was a Humanist
Does that mean you guys are Scientologists?
You're giving away our secrets
Now you know before I say anything about Scientologists
We have a listener that meets all of Betsy's anti-requirements
We love him though
I wasn't messing with engineers, I know them
I admire the way that they think
She rolls over, I need to tell you something
She's going to tell you she tested positive for something
"My name . . ."
Your name?
"Yeah"
Yes
"Noel"
Yeah, I got it
"It means Maiden Warriors"
My engineer roommate began stirring in his loft
I taught him everything he needed to know about women
I had the scariest roommate in the entire world
I don't think you have told it, Betsy
**Note: this is one of the best stories Betsy has told on the show**
**Listen in at the 8:00 minute mark**
The alcoholic woman at the water park
She reminded me of your mom, Kris
Listers, you tell me
The text message I got was a hook-up message
No, it wasn't
I will leave it up to the listeners
Have you shared it with your friends
Yeah
What did they say?
Well . . .

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Maiden Warrior Humanist Secretologist alcoholic women

Season 19 Ep 17: Small Fry, Baby Face, Knight Rider

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 09:49:40 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-15.mp3
Show: #463
Length: 43:23
Size: 29.8mb
Format: mp3

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Jeanie is in town
Leaving some comments
The guy who sells stuff on tv
Getting our first C&D
You've got to be kidding me
The links come from Ebay
Didn't want to be told
It's all ESC fault in the first place
If you get one too ESC let me know
I will roll over like the big pansy that I am
Go to Google and
Stipulation is owning those two words put together
Like I own Mr. B?
Now if you say it I am going to sue you
I will find all
I copyrighted Jeanie's CB handle 'Small Fry'
Career choices
Look she married me
One wild crazy idea
Jeanie's face
I got you something earlier this week
I got a job
Where is my present?
I paid for that
I'm going all out
Did you squeeze some ground beef out of tube
Guys, I am trying to get a career
We know Betsy
What happened to Wheel of Fortune?
Not gonna happen
Just get back to people tell them it isn't working out
Find me the chubby stay at mommy stay at home comedian
Like my improv career that I pay for
The gig fell apart
It was an association party
They don't want
Is the man in the basement telling me that I don't get out enough?
It is your lack getting out
Yeah, we're gonna perform during dinner time
I had a flash back of the belly dancers at the conference
Holding napkins over crotches slinking off
The belly dancing went down
At the next party there was a bondage demonstration
The year before they had the painted women
Ewwwwwwwww
Jeanie might recognize them from the lot lizard count
Anyone named Velma under 72 is a lot lizard
Isn't your grandma named Velma?
Yes, she is older than 72
Did the people even want you there?
Jeanie dated that guy
I didn't date anyone on the road
For technicalities sake, you did have a trucker boyfriend
What was his CB handle?
They called him "Baby Face"
Baby Face and Small Fry
Did he have to sit on a telephone guy?
Baby Face turned you into a trucker
I thought we were going to talk about my resume
Karen Zhender gender bender
Why don't you eat your weight in free cake and we can blow this popcorn stand
For out last performance
"Whew, last one"
Passing on the highway
We chatted with Knight Rider
He had to pick is own CB handle
You and who? You said we?
Me and Sweet T
Jeanie, I love these stories
Where else did you work?
As a 911 dispatcher
No way!
You've got to have good stories
He was in the evidence 'shed'
Shed?
When you destroy guns you saw them in to pieces
He was sawing
Friction and a bullet in the chamber
He swore that he checked
Officer Twinkie shot himself in the leg
Stopping speeders

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Knight Rider Jeanie Bowen Velma cb handle

Season 19 Ep 16: Got A Gig, Chasing Thieves, The Finish Line

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:25:33 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-13.mp3
Show: #462
Length: 29:00
Size: 20.0mb
Format: mp3

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Show notes in a bit. Bizzy bizzy (yeah i know i misspelled it) day ahead.

Update: I know I said notes in a bit but I have been busy in my new job as VP of Product Development for Blog Talk Radio.

I'll have a full blog post later today with some more specifics but for now I can say that this is a great fit for me. Day two has been just as busy as day one and the opportunities and challenges in front of me are ones that I welcome. Plus, now I have a reason to shave. ;-)

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Eddie Bauer hiring new job Kris Smith product development