score | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

Season 24 Ep 04: Center Pieces, No Baby Prize, Elope Now

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:20:27 -0400

Episode: #604
Length: 27:20
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Fa Fa Fa Friday!
Great, great show today!!
Visualizing the date and month
On Facebook, right now
I never got to date her
I know that it is her birthday
That women is there
Well, happy birthday to the one Kris wishes he had
Making it out of a small town without having a kid is the grand prize
Anything after that is easy
Dating in the middle of Jersey
A minute is no longer a mile
A mile is no longer a minute
Totally upfront about getting it on with her
Is this a husband wife show?
You're my best friend at this moment
Good for you dude!
Total whore, total score
We're screwing around
Condomless
I will not be enticed
One that doesn't want to trapped
She totally wanted to catch a baby
If I were you I would have gone home and gotten a condom and come back
Can we get it back on dear?
I guess it is the Shilts blood pumping through my veins
That most blessed of all events
Getting hitched at 19
In a better universe you could come to my wedding
Just write a check
We could have done it up large in the Ozarks
Flip the wedding on it's head
Elope and go have some fun
I'm getting married . . .
Great . . .
Don't invite me
Find me a fat dress
Shiny to show off my creases
Damp white marks
Pay for it myself?
Yes.
We like the idea of rituals
It is the practice of rituals we're not so good at
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 24 Ep 04: A Sampling

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:06:11 -0400

Episode: #604 Sampler
Length: 4:10
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: wedding plans elope loose my mind married now fat dress

Season 20 Ep 17: The Mc Mansion Haul, Rottlador, Schnorgie

Mon, 19 May 2008 15:16:40 -0400

Croncast - 2008-05-19.mp3
Show: #492
Length: 17.5
Size: 25:32 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Short show notes
Sorry for the no show on Friday
Betsy scores at a Mc Mansion
Well, I'm not sure the lamp above is a score, but . . .
Gucci the schnorgie (Schnauzer and Corgi cross)
Betsy and Jeanie in San Francisco starting tomorrow
Hang with them on Wednesday, see the link about for House of Shields get together

Tags: Mc Mansion schnorgie rottlador san francisco

@resalequeen scores a chubble

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:52:04 -0400

no clue what a chubble is buy betsy says it is worth its weight in gold.

I'll take her word for it.

Tags: chubble weight gold worth word

Season 19 Ep 20: Stage Mommy, Tight Wrangler's, Your people

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:58:54 -0500

Croncast - 2008-02-27.mp3
Show: #466
Length: 26:35
Size: 18.3mb
Format: mp3

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You look business like today, Kris
Are you kidding me?
Are you looking at me or did you lose eyesight?
You can't say the you actually left the house
Not once did I leave the house in the last 1 1/2 since I started working at home to work
Sure I traveled and did work but when it was time to work I was at home
Every time that that I go to a Caribou or a Starbucks
There are always
Maybe they think what you and I do is ridiculous
You have tons of passion
Your new routine is to work until 1 a.m.
I watched The Wire on demand
I've been working 14 hour days baby
Spending lots of time at 6 am with our son
He's got a great creative mind
Betsy, you are becoming a stage mommy
You are
The vicariousness of you actions is evident
You should just be outside with him
I was never interested as a kid
Yeah, but now you are
He doesn't have any fear about talking to people
Bursting into song in the McDonald's restroom can be embarrassing
He's got bad coordination like you
You need two mirrors to even see your hair
Why are there no Goodwill scores lately
Clean out their whatever?
I am waiting for grandmothers to die so their kids can donate her china
Baby, I don't know about your business plans
They all involve death
Like what?
Uh, Murder McMansions?
Oh, yeah
It is a good thing I don't have a ton of insurance
It's a good that that lottery winner in Georgia was a woman
If her husband had won he would have left her
Do you fear that?
The debt reduction plan
Having some drinks with Mike Marusin
Join Twitter!
Kris - http://twitter.com/croncast
Betsy - http://twitter.com/resalequeen
The Guinness Girls were there?
Yes
Did they have muffin tops?
No
Then they were girls
You don't make enough for me to get my boobs fixed
Then you could get a Guinness girl job
I could do apple bottom jeans for cowboys
Most farm girls with tight jeans got that weird butt
How do they get that?
From riding horses
Strong butt and thighs
At the FFA convention the Wyoming female contingent could crush cars
What are you plans for after 500 shows?

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Wranglers Guinness FFA stage mother funny accent

Season 19 Ep 5: Three Cheese Taco, Spinning Air, Juicy

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 10:04:26 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-16.mp3
Show: #451
Length: 29:24
Size: 20.2mb
Format: mp3

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Stuffed nose and tinny voice
Baby I love you
Nobody wants to hear about you
You smell delicious
Like a three cheese taco
You know how to butter me up
I know how to sour creme you up
It is all about me today
Sure, we got to talk about your Wheel of Fortune contestant audition
I got in 3 hours early
You don't want to be late
So I went to the greatest resale shop on the planet
I hope Goodwill didn't hear that
It's called the Brown Elephant
The greatest mens clothing ever
They are having a leather and sex toy day
There are some lines in resale that must be drawn
I would try to avoid that day
Leather and sex toy day at the Brown Elephant
Occasionally I find kids clothes
They usually don't have them
But I opened my eyes and there it was
The greatest china set I've found yet
Even if I don't get on The Wheel I have scored today
You called me
I love how you are trying to get in to my story
The auditions were being held at the W hotel
Nice joint
Other people from middle of nowhere
How do we get to 6th floor?
Betsy, press the shiny button with a 6 on it
So I start hanging out with this guy
Having a good time
We almost missed the auditions
We got in just in time
They had a projection of the stage set
This was the first phase of auditions
Easiest way to say no, "bankrupt"
When it was my turn I jumped up like it was the Price is Right
Total ham
So my new friend solved his puzzle
Some people weren't catching on
Don't be dry
They were giving stage direction
People start falling by the wayside
Then they throw round two at us with a written test
Good thing you know how to write
I made it to the third round
I have to spin an invisible wheel
Then we introduced ourselves
"I'm a stay at home comedian"
The whole room died laughing
"I'm a very down to earth celebrity"
I nailed it
That is why I have made it all the way
Thank you Mr B
Hire Kris for your tagline too
I told them that we do the podcast too
Don't call a letter that has already been called
Some people spun the invisible wheel the wrong way
There were lots of stand out people
We want 'juicy'
Good thing that they didn't say that at the Brown Elephant
They want the whole package
Thanks for coming out
Most likely all of you have made it
You will find out by the end of the month if I made it
They will send us letters for either the Chicago taping or a LA shoot
Good thing I got miles for a trip if you need them
I did the best that I could do
That is all you need
You've got a good shot

Tags: Wheel of Fortune auditions The Brown Elephant hire Kris life is show prep

Season 19 Ep 4: Volvo Petting Zoo, Butter Dish, The Wheel

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 08:20:21 -0500

Croncast - 2008-01-14.mp3
Show: #450
Length: 38:50
Size: 26.7mb
Format: mp3

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New intro music keeps on rolling along
Posts are the items in the site
I think you lost dad at upload
That could be the catch phrase from a nerd movie
"You had me at upload"
Having the love of a nerd is like that of a Golden Retriever
The red in their eyes
Like the bloodhounds
We'll get your's fixed someday
You can get side by side
And then I'll get you plastic surgery, the both of you
We do dis and dis, but not dis
I should have bitten his face
We took the dogs to the groomer
Changing deaf dogs name every three weeks
What does it matter?
You know what happens to 15 dogs right?
Sure, they die
No
The dog is walking around with cancer and a 13th nipple
Dog groomers should know better and look for lumps
The number one thing that gets skipped is the finger in the butt
No one wants to drain a dog
Let fail you
Betsy likens web designers with Goodwill
The two handed dog shave
Like she was swinging a bat
The last time they cut off a mole
It was like a half-dollar size
Don't feed her by hand
She wants to even the score
How many times has this dog been to the pound?
Thirteen times
Mom is nuts when we go to vet or groomer
Sure, your dog is big and he pees on your knees
When we hit the door little deaf dog freaked
I didn't realize she was that aware
Of course she is
Then my mom takes on the trauma of the dog
I know from the Dog Whisperer that is not how to act
The dog wants someone to lead
First of all, she's deaf
I want you to write that in big block letters
She needs to be drained, I can tell
Then she feels guilty for bringing in the dog
I know how this goes
Then my mom will decide to put the dog to sleep
It only has one duty . . . eat what Maggie drops
I swear Shih Tzus were designed to catch spaghetti on their head
Just do what is least invasive
Gonna put in a Jarvik .021?
In six months we'll be Shih Tzu shopping again
Your mom is the Kevorkian of the dog adoption world
I got Wheel of Fortune auditions today!!
I know you are so excited
The sounds you were making when you got the email
If I win money I'm buying a goat
This here is the only petting zoo in the entire nation delivered to you in a Volvo
Designer outlet mall parking lots would never be the same
Two dollars, don't touch my goat
You need to be comfortable
What not to do
I was freaking because I thought from your yell something was happening
Sure, like Maggie went face first into a hot stove
Nope, just The Wheel
Eeyor tells you how to overcome your fear of success PBS special
What happens when Betsy is on and knows it?
You get too over the top . . . just catch yourself and reel it in
Kris, quit with the analogies
I say this as your number one fan
I have been there for every party where you hold court
You'll be fine
Marcus hits my cart
He says, "who the hell are you?"
I ask where the butter dish is at
His reply, "Oooooooo oooooOOOO"
The manager walks up and taps me on the shoulder, "did you see that doll house?"

Tags: dollhouse Shih Tzu dog groomer butter dish Kevorkian

Big buck basket, Longaberger

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 12:48:04 -0500

This is the tag from the Longaberger basket that Betsy picked up yesterday.

She paid nowhere near this price for the basket and is hoping that this one turns out to be a great score.

I still can't believe people collect baskets but these Longaberger ones people seem to love.

Will keep you updated.

Tags: longaberger basket collect believe score

We made it! At the auction

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 14:19:32 -0500

Walking in a heated machine shed in the middle of nowhere on pebble gravel.

We'll see what Betsy scores.

Tags: pebble gravel betsy scores nowhere

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 10, 2007

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:08:08 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-10.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

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Betsy laughing during intro
James Brown sang "It's a Man's World"
But that's all wrong
I've seen enough previews from Showtime to know
It's a lipstick lesbians world
No, Kris, I've watched enough Lifetime TV
Betsy has 'dranken' a little much wine
My portion size is off drinking it out of a milk glass
I am not drinking wine because it is grape juice with alcohol
What?
That is like saying that I don't like Boone's Farm Wild Island
So I went to buy some wine at Costco
You can't take kids in there
You can take them in there
No way, Costco is way to shishi
They have to stand outside and scream
Man, when I was a kid my mom took us to Walgreens with her to buy booze
No way!
Yeah, she would go to get prescriptions filled
We would walk into the liquor department buy booze
Then go back to pick up the prescriptions
You need something to wash the pills down with
My grape juice didn't have pulp, Betsy
Listen to me retardo montoban
Wine and grape juice are parallel in my brain
You again agree with me
After last week's shows . . .
I won't apologize for shows anymore
But they didn't have the full funny
Elliot went on a trip with Betsy
What would Grandma want for Christmas Elliot?
Something for her 'Pitties'
What?
Those things that you ladies have that grow out of your armpits
Do you mean breasts Elliot?
Ummmmm . . . I don't know
You guys got those weird undees things that go over your 'Pitties'
Do you mean a bra?
You can't buy your Grandma a bra for Christmas
One day you start itching
Then your Pitties come out
Grandma bras on eBay
Our kids won't be having kids
Sure, Betsy
Can Kris leave the house without returning with a story?
Nope
Did you leave the house this weekend?
Yeah, I left last night
Two nerds sitting in a bar next to one another
Loud music, and communicate through twitter
I saw my friends this morning at the Goodwill opening
My video tape buyer shows up
He is great
He would be in a Thrift Score
I mentioned that I was doing some new stuff
He walked away from me
I wasn't trying to hang
I was trying to over do it
The best time to sell 9 1/2 Weeks
They will raid him and he is creepy
His wife thinks he's crazy
What are you doing wrong?
We are soul mates, Kris
Betsy's jealousy comes out
We had a hard week last week
Interviews are going great
More this week and some follow ups

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Tags: Wine Boone's Farm Wild Island Pitties James Brown Thrift Score

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 07, 2007

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:48:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-12-07.mp3
Show: #443
Length: 34:47
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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It's Tell a Friend Friday!
Get out there and tell somebody about the show
Leave those comments on the posts
I'm going to commission something for you for Christmas, Kris
A bronze statue?
No, a paint by numbers
There has to be a service online like that
My paint by number would be one number
Yeah, with a bucket of porcelain white paint
Your improv classes are coming to an end
Sure I got one more to go
All anxious about this job stuff
You are like a woman this way, Kris
Your puffy cuffedness blasting
My beard was all jacked up
I needed a trim
The website can't see the fact you shouldn't
No shaving it off
I do enough repulsive crap in my day
I set you up with a barber for a beard trim
It wasn't a regular barber, it was mans man barber
So anyway I went to improv
It was great, I gave up the scene
He said, you intimidate me
The stay at home intimidator
I thought should I go with Kris to the man spa
Is Kris going to end up getting a happy ending massage?
Funny you should say that, I did get a free massage
I roll in right on time
They ask me my name
He had the pencil line goatee
That weird etched on looking beard thing
Kind of like a Backstreet boys
Head back to the lounge
What do you mean?
The cigar lounge in the back
Leather couches, flat screen TV
This woman walks in
She a masseuse
Would you like a free massage?
Sure
I don't any cash, I know this isn't free
Yeah, you gotta tip
Don't you have to get out to your job at The Buckle?
Yes, I also have a degree from there
You gotta be on the inside to tell a certain type of joke
I am on this inside
She was kneeding you dough and commenting that you were buff?
That is why I was laughing so so hard
I'm slumped in front of a computer all day
My muscles are dough
It was the sales pitch
I didn't take my shirt off
This was an 'over the clotheser'
Is that on the board?
I'll take an, a . . . over the clotheser
I meet the barber
When I say that I don't have time for a shave
The barber tells me that he can't just trim my beard
Without the shave he won't do it
I felt like I was in a Larry David episode
I had to argue with this man for 10 minutes to get in the chair
"It's all about chair time"
I'm in a really big hurry
I will pay you for the chair time
No, no you won't
I tell him that I am leaving
He says, come on back, I'll do it
"But you don't understand that I don't just do dis. I do dis."
I told him that knew he was an artist but I just need a trim
It all went down horribly
I can't even show people how bad my goatee looks
Oh, it sucks
Yeah, you look really bad Mr B
It's like my bad perm but on your face
Betsy thanks Markx again for the stuff
Especially, Thrift Score Zines
Marie Down South, the thrifty stripper
Tell your friends about the show . . . it's Friday!!!

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Tags: Thrift Score beard trim masseuse Backstreet Boys Marie Down South

The haul

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 17:03:56 -0500

Here's the scores from our date:
1 build a bear
2 Caldecott book
1 Groovy Girl
Total - $2.11 and a lifetime of Goodwill for me.

Tags: girl groovy total lifetime goodwill gw2

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 10:00:26 -0400

Croncast - 2007-09-14.mp3
Show: #410
Length: 34:42
Size: 23.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 14, 2007

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Early insert for TFF - Tell a Friend Friday
Go out and tell a friend about Croncast
We now have a way for you to even tell strangers
STICKERS! They'll be here on Tuesday
Here's what it will look like . . . inside the red area with rounded corners
To get your sticker send $2.00 support from the site or get 3 stickers for $5.00

Now to the show notes
Trescadecaphobes yesterday was the day
Today it is safe it is the 14th
It was a good 13th for me
You are on a nerd high Mr. B . . . I'm gonna let you roll
Yeah, I am stoked
I saw in Google Reader that TechCrunch 40 had 5 press/blogger passes available
Sent Jason Calacanis a message
Hour and a half later I was good to go
So thanks to Jason . . . I am really looking forward to the event
I'll crank out some podcasts
Thanks to Rick and Robin for putting me up next week
I'll get to see the solar panels
We should buy carbon credits from them
It's good to be all in Mr B
Like I said, you've got to strike while the iron is hot
Can I now tell my story, Kris
I had a creepy thing happen to me last night
I gotta thank people
I don't tell people thank you enough
You don't
I know baby
I had the best lesson taught to me by my uncle
He sent me a thank you note
Then on the back it said, "This is what a thank you not looks like."
He told you!
Betsy's problem is she buys them and writes them but just doesn't follow through
The only person that always gets them in neighbor . . . I can walk them over
So what happened on your dark night
Yeah, your creepy story . . . sorry that I asked
Get off the stage bitch
I don't have to work with anyone
I reallize that I left my purse in the bar
The drunk bouncer stops me and cuts me off
He's a drunk frat boy
Where them diet chocolate shakes at
He gets all up in my face
Sucking in my oxygen, that close
Listen, I am as old as dirt
We get into this battle of the wits
My she is fabulous . . . she is so witty
Do you know what he did?
Started crying
No, he kissed me
Silence
The most disgusting moment of my life
I know you stepped back into his personal space
So he kissed you . . . where?
My lips
I was shocked
I can't believe you are telling me now, not last night
You didn't seem to mention it
Yeah, I'm running away with the bouncer
Takes a certain type of dude to handle a lady like you
Don't take that personally
Your behavior can be interpreted different ways
I did not invade this man's space
Think of the sweet alley action he gets
I gotta tell you not a big fan of improv night or Bar Louie
I didn't expect to hear this
No, I don't find it alright to deal with
The most competent individual you can hire for $6
The score is 1 me, you 0
The reason that I have an issue with it is that I would have rumbled
I would have hit him
Really?
Notice how I said I would have hit him, not kicked his ass
Oh, Mr. B
Improv class might not be my thing
Betsy tells us all about improv
You are milking that imaginary cow all wrong
Oh, no, no . . . I was in FFA I know how to milk a cow city man

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Tags: Bar Louie TechCrunch 40 Jason Calacanis TFF croncast stickers

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:33:00 -0400

Croncast - 2007-08-15.mp3
Show: #397
Length: 29:34
Size: 20.3mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 15, 2007

photo on left by dave winer and photo on right by josh hallet thanks to both!

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

The nerd things that drive me crazy
Betsy is going to find me a online geek mistress
That would be sweet
You go ahead and marry that girl Mr. B
After days of this haven't you had enough?
Apologies for no show on Monday
I blew it on Sunday and had to take the red eye
No one wants to hear your drama
If it were done on graph paper it would have all been good
I didn't hear any of this "life would be better on paper" at Gnomedex
Here's what made it so cool
I had my nerds on one hand and my baby on the other
It was our 11th wedding anniversary
Yeah, and you take me to a nerd convention
Your nerd buddies are cooler and much more high functioning than I thought
Apologies to me for the ewok comment
A dude was dressed as a pirate
It was just one guy
The 12 sided dice and hoods were missing
The 11th wedding anniversary is as special as turning 36
Up to 10 you are swimming upstream . . . after that . . . floating in a tube
Seattle is a great place
You didn't plan our dinner Mr. B
Yes I did . . . reservations are a plan!
That is a large step
The restaurant turned out to be really nice
There was an attentive gay waiter
Can you hire one of those for me here at home
The beautiful view
Then a 3 story tall lighted Cadillac Escalade barge floated by
Nice view
The other awesome part was that you got to meet some listeners
Mark is an awesome guy
I know I told you that
Yeah, but you are usually wrong
At the party I saw the nerds trying to sink into their ringer tees
You have blossomed like a $10 orchid
Having social skills, Mr. B you have grown
Betsy got to see me in my element
I still don't get your people
Let's take Kosso for instance?
You can't pick Kosso he is normal
What about the guy dressed as a pirate Mr B?
The dudes that split a suit
The pic on right above is from the Thursday night out
Strange woman talking to us, looks at floor and walks away
The nerd wife put one shiny shoe right in front of him
My Nerd!
This nerd off limits
She busts out, "Well, I dress him!"
Not in a ha ha way
I don't understand your "Party Only" badge
She scared me
Those chicks look alright . . . "The Women of WarCraft"
God Damn
I'm not in to that type of stuff
These chicks were hot on a nerd level scale
We're going to score some mad nerd ass tonight
My people were talking to you because you were a personable lady
You've got nerd engagement skills
You've got to pretend your eyes are lasers
Yep, right here buddy
Asking a nerd what they do is not the right thing to ask
It is always difficult to explain
You asked me what the hell do you do?
Then tell them my title . . . right, what does that mean
The guy on the way home asked me, what do you do?
What was your reply Betsy?
I do nothing. I buy and sell shit.
So your husband is a nerd? Are you a nerd?
No
Do you podcast?
Yes
How many times a week?
3
You're not a nerd?
Do you sell your stuff online?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
Do you watch Heroes?
Yes
Watch John From Cincinnati?
Yes
You're not a nerd?
When buying swag for nerd events don't buy them white shirts
The other great part for me was first alcoholic beverage in 10 years
I had to announce it because you called me the teetotaling nerd husband
Not he hardcore found Jesus type of not drinking
That's not it Betsy
My first drink was Jagermeister with Aaron Brazell
I broke the seal and enjoyed the libations
Had an awesome time on Saturday night with Mark, Greg, Aaron, Kosso, Steve, Josh, Dave C., Mike, Chris, Michael and Dave D.
Not having to be on, Betsy's specialty
Betsy does her first improv class
Pretend you are a tree
Were you there?
My theater background is you know . . .
Yeah, lying under a theater major once doesn't count
My neighbor is in this class
Leave us some comments
Great American Yard Sale is this weekend
Thanks to Bernadette for this review and write up!

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Tags: Gnomedex 2007 Seattle Great American Yard Sale improv class The Women of WarCraft Jagermeister

Croncast Live Naperville Jul 09, 2007

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 08:47:55 -0400

Croncast - 2007-07-09.mp3
Show: #384
Length: 32:56
Size: 22.6mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 06, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

First of all we need to thank everyone who came out to the show last night! Thanks to everyone who attended and those who become Croncast roadies in the process to help me wrangle gear and toys that littered the stage.

Turns out that we were both a little nervous and it comes through on the show but it was a ton of fun to do. More practice, more better.

So for those of you who couldn't make it out we've got today's show for you recorded from The Comedy Shrine. In the very near future, thanks to videographers Mike Marusin and Evan Brown we should have some video to share. For now you can check out these Flikr photos from Mike and Brian Beatty.

Special thanks needs to go out to Betsy's dad for helping to make this happen and to Dallas and Rachel Blair for driving out from the East Coast to come and listen to some strangers get down about their suburban platitudes. Time for some show notes.

Kris blows the intro but leaves it in because this is what happens nearly every show
Maybe there needs to be less light for you Kris
More basement like and it would work for you
You look warm
I had to get puffy cuffed
You guys get the full on puffy cuff
The intro happens again
Rolls right in to Mike's comment
Betsy takes it to task
What me go out and get a job?
I've have awesome stuff happen
Bring home cockroaches in my purse
Well, if I continued my current line of work
People have been doing it for ever
Sort of like prostitution
I'll buy it as a favor to you
Teri Horton, Who the Fuck is Jackson Pollack?
It's all about the fucking provenance
People are trying to take advantage of her
They show her sitting around the VFW hanging out
You can hear the live audience
We've been pretty excited
But most you haven't (listen to hear the tone it is a joke)
We work hard for you
This is show #384
I'm just kidding!
Sure it is passive aggressive but it
We have a lot more fans in the Pacific Northwest and New York, New Jersey areas
Yeah we could have filled two more tables
Betsy put together an outline for the show
Betsy and Jeanie going on the "greatest road trip ever"
Jeanie is all about the free drive
I still can't believe you are going
I've got one with adhd and a toddler who bites
Don't you remember Slowsky?
The Volvo is Slowsky reincarnate
The Valhalla middle class outreach program
Here comes Jeanie
She doesn't look like a truck driver does she?
I can't believe that you didn't carry a gun in your semi
Betsy on a zip line
You are going to die
We've all been honest with you
Jeanie, now you know I am going to put my fat ass on a zip line
Yes, Betsy I will shoot a gun from a Hummer for you
This is our basement . . . nearly
Just shooting targets
Maybe kill a deer remotely
Betsy rationalizes it as thinning the heard
I'll take the kids to hang out at John Elway Dodge
Jeanie was thinking a massage but now it's guns
The only place that I think I could shoot off a machine gun in peace in solutude would be my dads backyard
Need an inexpensive divorce in Illinois or fast bankruptcy?
If so visit www.gshiltslaw.com
Thanks to Gary for making the show happen
Jeanie tells the story of her dad finding a body
Attendee off the street A.J. also found a floater at Niagra falls
Betsy gets her dad going about the trips
Gary sets it straight with Sleazers butcher shop
What about the zebra steaks?
Betsy shows off her sweet scores of the week
Her Gucci bowling bag
The fisher price teddy bear
Well what the hell is wrong with a used bathing suit?
That's going to do it for us
Behind the scenes outro

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Tags: The Comedy Shrine Terry Horton Gary Shilts Valhalla vacation Jeanie

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:11:04 -0400

Croncast - 2007-06-29.mp3
Show: #380
Length: 27:03
Size: 18.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

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Back from vacation
The show quality has changed a bit with new replacement gear
I will miss you UA 6176's but welcome the new dbx 1066 as an able stepchild
The dbx 1066 just doesn't have the same punch or open sound
Betsy is making up words "non-dramicle"
Definition - normal
Vacation with kids is racing to bed time for the adult vacation
It's a great time with the kids but for relaxation they need to be sleeping
Souvenirs gets Betsy going
No, you can't buy Maggie a rabbit pelt
Sure, 30 feet of rabbit pelts means 300 ft of sausage

Did I ever tell you what my dad brought back from a Florida vacation?
I bought you this really nice present
My sister gets a doll toy
I get a dead shark in a bottle
Yes, you have talked about your purely irrational fear of sharks
Shark week is just hell for me
I don't even watch television
It's so irrational
Have you ever had an encounter with a shark?
It's some sort of fetal shark in jar
It still had the soulless glare
That shit doesn't pass with death
I was afraid of death of the thing
I left it on the deck in the middle of winter
After about 3 weeks my mom saw it on the back porch
It had exploded, epitome of my mom's memories of my father
Then I had to go and clean it up
This is why I am a messed up person Kris
If it wasn't for my parents I wouldn't be so messed up
Ahhh, vacation was good
Doping up the kids with souvenirs to placate them
The "me" time on vacation . . . Indian gaming casino - Ho Chunk
Man, slots have changed in the years since we've been there
No more tokens or quarters for them
Digital machines with receipts that have bar codes
Tracking your slot usage
Betsy signs up with the frequent gambler program
I know you get a lot of class acts in here
You guys are making this too hard to spend my money
So I get you to come
The slots are now just computers
When you get tired of it robbing you blind
You take your receipt
A document of the heist that has just happened
Or a document that measures your joy in dollars
The great Wheel of Fortune penny slot machine story
Kris walked out with some loot in a way that only Kris could score it
Karma hooked me up
The all inclusive takes its toll when it comes to buffets
All the crab that we ate
The breakfasts and deserts
The breakfasts with deserts
The whole joint was staffed by Moldavians
They make some powerful drinks
Who knew that the Wisconsin Dells was powered by a foreign workforce?
Well, Chula Vista is

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Tags: Wisconsin Dells Chula Vista Ho Chunk casino vacation 2007 shark in a jar

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0400

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

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Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

Betsy and her husband Kris May 14, 2007

Mon, 14 May 2007 06:47:11 -0400

Croncast - 2007-05-14.mp3
Show: #362
Length: 11:51
Size: 8.15mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 14, 2007

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Hey triscadecaphobes we recorded on the 13th and see what happens
And it was monther's day
You know how I feel about my mom
She was sending messages out to the universe
Betsy was bailing on us anyway two weeks ago
When can I do things like a normal adult?
Baby, you are already doing what all adults our age do . . . drinking and partying is for the other set
"I have a 6 1/2 year old and a 2 year old"
You say that stuff and I feel like "danger dad"
Taking my children to the brink of death
You fed the kids chicken
Tofu vs. chicken
Kris isn't eating any red meat
Chicken has found it's way in to my diet with kids
More reason to not eat the chicken than to eat the chicken
All shopping this week done at Trader Joe's
Maggie isn't going to let us do much of the show
She starts fidgeting
With every test Betsy takes she procrastinates
What did you score on your LSAT? A 3?
When was normal for you Booba?
You have lived nearly 500f your live since you took college tests!
Maggie says, "Daddoo bye bye," to the spider that was by my computer earlier in the day
Living creature, yada yada
The spiders love the sound foam
It's not a mistake it makes the show sound better
Bears, the show is terrible
Nurse and floss
More milk
We can't keep doing this Maggie isn't going to fall asleep
She says bye bye
All women have a little of Betsy in them, Betsy has a whole lot of Betsy in her

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Tags: Triscadecaphobes Mother's day podcast croncast day LSAT not in front of the baby

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 07:19:58 -0400

Croncast - 2007-04-27.mp3
Show: #355
Length: 31:51
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 27, 2007

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I did touch your garage sale money today though
Gigi wanted to pick it all up
The dog could have eaten it
I would make you pick it up Mr B
It could have happened
That's Betsy's baby
Since she's become a more cognizant being
Kids reach that certain stage where they are different
Before two they are like blank Play-Doh
Liking babies more than toddlers
Almost like you have a pal
You're busted baby!
Except I'll have boundaries and rules
Right, at garage sales even if Maggie sees it first it is still Momma's
The parental manipulation
Talking your way out of a speeding ticket
He broke the Smith law
Betsy joining the the Russian Court of Assassination
It is behavior based
He's a repeat offender
Lead footedness . . . does it make me a bad human being?
Yes, it does Mr B
Life is flexible
I feel sorry for you
The better manipulator you are the more successful you'll be
Betsy using her cunning at garage sales
You are asking the world to be flexible and then you get on my case
Doing it up for the home owners association
Betsy steps in to run the garage sale
The pestering late comers
Betsy attempts to will other garage sale posse to knock on doors before they open
Her own garage sale breakdown
Sold 200 things and made $100
Grumpy no food in the house husband showing up
Selling all of your crap that didn't sell on eBay to other people who think they scored a sweet item for resale on eBay
If it has been here for three months and I hadn't touched it . . . it went in the sale
Yes I sifted through your stuff while you were gone Mr B
Recording all the addicted garage salers
They have already made the decision to ruin there own lives
Tailorbyrd shirts from Mr B . . . one will end up on eBay
Someone can buy it Kris and use it as an afterglow mop
We've thought about how to make money with the show for a while
Solution . . . the tip jar shall return

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Naperville garage sale lead foot Smith Law Betsy Smith Kris Smith

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 07:00:50 -0500

Croncast - 2006-12-08.mp3

Show: #311
Length: 29:40
Size: 20.3 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 08, 2006

Betsy is going crazy over there
Earlier this week . . . this is the problem I never follow my own advice
I am a brilliant woman
Listen up. I'm going to tell you
Betsy's eBay crystal ball
It said buy Build-a-Bear Happy Feet Mumble penguin
She was brave
And everyone went out and bought them and Betsy bought . . . none
A soldier goes into battle, suck it up kid momma's gotta make some cash
Mumble's are sold out
Oh sugar what time are you done putting your shipment away?
Don't even unpack them . . . they're worth more in the box
The dog's insane barking
He doesn't belong in man pit
Some tubes just aren't connected
American Girl mini illumaroom and drawer at Goodwill
Betsy explains what it is
That's perfect for you
The mating Care Bears on the couch . . . 21 of them
Video games in foreign languages are better than Rosetta Stone
Rhymes with cube and world
What was in the good shit case
The repeat postal truck matchbox car . . . 40 in a case
Betsy is trying to make one thing happen
The stuff that Kris wants to do before he dies
Betsy quotes a Tom Waits song
She says that she'll go to a show with me
I have picked Betsy's next career . . . stealing from the blind
Promoting her to the next level
It is an easy score
Taking the kids to work at Goodwill
The tao kwon do uniform of filth
I'm out there in the trenches Mr. B.
I'm out there with those with boobs so low they have road rash on their nipples
Elliot know has a padded room
Two queen sized beds and a third mattress
Will he sleep in his own room?
Returning stuff to Costco
They would take cookie crumbs back
I have washed a lot of things in my 32 years
Betsy is going to buy term life insurance and a craftmatic adjustable bed
Why would you want to prank call them, you're 30 years old?
I am flush with Care Bears
We need to do a live show . . . with an audience
What you want to get my mom and the cat down here?
She can clap the kitty paws
We're thinking maybe in March when we come back from break
Betsy might do a new Resale Queen post

Tags: Build-a-Bear Happy Feet Mumble penguin American Girl mini illumaroom Care Bear lovin Tom Waits road rash nipples

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 18, 2006

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 07:02:35 -0400

Croncast - 2006-09-18.mp3

Show: #275
Length: 36:28
Size: 25.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris September 18, 2006

0% September 11th drama around here
Kris says I'm not dealing with it
His usual process it takes him a week to ge it
Last week was the NFL podcast launch
Special Note: You will only be able to see the podcast pages not the other areas of the sites.
Larry Fitzgerald
Joe Jurevicius
Joe Horn
Steve Smith
Betsy could hold it down
Except when she sees money coming in and then slows her ebay stuff
Betsy's Hebrew Green Eggs and Ham
Kris thinks it is the score of the century . . . better than 1st edition Torah
Where's Waldo in French
Things not to do: Tree trimming 9:30 at night in the dark
The family is oout doin it up
Trimming the night before dries out the branches
The dog is even with us
Zeus starts to spaz out
Running in loops
He starts a run at Gigi like a crazed horse
He hits her and she does a flip and lands on her head and back
Betsy saves her dog with a shout
Kris gets to Gigi and her mouth is bleeding
She made out great with only the little cut
Kris goes on about his lack of responisibility when it comes to safety from the dog
I had to restrain myself
Betsy got the lecture about "Next Time"
Please let me finish
For some reason Betsy doesn't understand Elliot's lack of love for the dog . . . hmmm
Betsy tried to leave her sister for hobos
The chili cook-off and Kris telling the neighbor he is not social
Betsy came to my rescue as usual
My new 14 ft saw
Not replacing Slowsky . . . supplementing
6 years, 1 month worth of ebay stuff still in Betsy's stash

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Tags: tree trimming NFL podcasts Hebrew Green Eggs and Ham Zeus Croncast

FedEx no match for the internet and a German

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 13:48:18 -0400

It turns out that in cases of needing to deliver most physical goods a shipping company like FedEx is the right choice. Try shipping tube socks to Timmy at camp through your hard drive or uploading a lobster to a server for download later.

The story that motivated this post came through a DVD email list that I belong to and goes like this:

1) FedEx loses a DVD needed for a presentation in Munich
2) DVD author posts to the list looking for someone in Munich to burn another DVD for him
3) The next morning a nice German citizen on the list downloads stuff to burn to DVD and hand delivers it at a conference

FedEx -1, internet +1.

Wouldn't it be great though if FedEx offered a service like this? Minus having to send out an email but a socially networked digital delivery company. Maybe the model could allow for members of the network, a niche let's say, to share in the profit of the delivery charges . . . wait this is a bad idea.

Kris -1, internet now is +2.

Tags: FedEx DVD List internet keeping score

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 11

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 11:38:55 -0500

Croncast - 2004-12-13.mp3

Length: 29:59
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64k
Size: 13.7 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris Ep. 11

Happy Monday the 13th! We get fired up, Betsy and I for an episode where she is with us for a bit.

Today's Show

Intro
Unlucky 13 and bad karma
IRS for Christmas dinner
Rad like salomi without the casing
Email us kris@croncast.com and betsy@croncast.com
No more geek
Bill Gates doesn't have a podcast
Santa is spoiling our child
Skeletor vs. He-man
Goodwill gift certificate magic
Plug the snap, crackle and pop
Suburban mommies - Betsy has to hang
Marlboro points score an pre-teen Kris a jacket
What if Santa gave Marlboro points?
Kris' PSA - If you are a drunk get help.
Step it up
Internet + Society 2004 Conference or Un-conference
Dave Winer's session
Thanks jbaumga
IRC channel notes for Tony Kahn's podcasting session - Croncast is in it!!!!
I am trying to get a copy of the intro that he played which has the Croncast in it, wish me luck.
Thanks Tony!
Plethora of other shout outs like cfarivar and Shane at notm.org

Tags: croncast betsy kris session points