shell | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

gas station blues

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:27:12 -0500

fresh paint and nature slowly reclaiming this car haven't changed my memory of simpson's shell right behind our house on the alley.

Tags: simpson memory changed shell behind

off to pick out a hermit crab - elliot is stoked

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:01:29 -0500

the man is pretty excited about putting a shelled crustacean under his guard.

I wish this beastie the best of luck and will maintain an open eye for its welfare. I swear, betsy.

Tags: hermit crab pet store verizon sucks

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

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Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Feb 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 06:39:45 -0600

Croncast - 2007-02-19.mp3
Show: #339
Length: 33:12
Size: 22.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris February 19, 2007

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So we're taking a month off
Remember that March is a desert of Croncast
Over 300 times of the same style
I didn't come here for you to insult you Mr. B
I'm going crazy Mr. B
I have been in this house for two weeks (ahem)
I think you have left plenty of times
Getting up at 4 a.m. with the kids
When I am gone I miss that
Man, that's early . . . there is nothing going on that early
Why are you putting out lunch at 10:30
My Kashi has made it's way towards the exit
I'm so disappointed Mr. B
I signed up for Weight Watcher again
I gained a pound
It's impossible
How many pounds did you lose the first time around? 120
Not eating fast, Kashi and other high fiber foods
That's not it baby it is portions too
"I can eat the hell outta something," Betsy
That is the wrong phrase if you want to lose weight
I'm not even eating the shell
That taco salad, Maggie could get lost in that salad
Portion control baby
Take a lesson from Bears
Take a lesson from someone vicariously on weight watchers
They keep you from eating the food because it tastes so bad
Spinach that reminds me of mowing the lawn
You're older now Betsy . . . you hit 30 . . . things have changed for you
"I just want some chunky monkey"
Ok, Kris, what the hell is your problem with the Murder McMansions
Jeanie called, wouldn't there be blood in the carpet?
The old telephone building . . . our own Murder Apartment
It was New Years Eve when I was 7
All the firetrucks (the two the town owned) the town's ambulance and a lot of volunteers
There was a domestic dispute and someone got stabbed . . . and died
Our new love nest was a bloodstained
No he didn't go after her, you have it backwards
Oh, I could live there no problem
She stabbed him
He probably deserved it
I just sat right over that bloodstain watching TV eating my Gino's pizza
Our next vertical move we gotta buy one
Selling your Murder McMansion
Betsy hits us with her fuzzy math purse business update
Bear, I love you like Jesus and cotton candy

Tags: Murder McMansion Kashi diet big taco salad Weight Watchers Jesus and cotton candy

I have never loved a machine this much

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:33:49 -0600

This following is a nerd's public display of affection: I don't think that I have ever been so fond of a machine in my life as now. The laptop that I am on right now, my compadre, my close it like a clam shell and baby goes to sleep Sony VGN-AR230G is the other woman.

I was a bit ambivalent about whether to keep it or throw it back once Betsy stopped using it after an hour of trying to write a blog post. The keyboard is shifted just enough to make it a little difficult to type . . . at first.

But this little idiosyncrasy is just that. And for me it has become and endearing feature that I now associate with this computer. It is sort of like if you have one eye lid that curves just a bit too much, without it you couldn't look like wicked pirate. And who can't love a wicked pirate?

Tags: Sony VGN-AR230G VGN-AR230G Sony laptop Croncast Kris Smith