simpson | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

gas station blues

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:27:12 -0500

fresh paint and nature slowly reclaiming this car haven't changed my memory of simpson's shell right behind our house on the alley.

Tags: simpson memory changed shell behind

Season 19 Ep 15: KGB Training, Easy Women, The Long Haul

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:07:51 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-11.mp3
Show: #461
Length: 33:28
Size: 22.9mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Pick post any post
Tell me what kind of man I am
What kind of dirty man
What kind of wife walks around slovenly
You've fixed it
You look like Theo on The Cosby Show
The shirt is crazy
Right and I love it
My mom bought it from home shopping network
It is designed for a pin
It looks like a bank secretary
When these comments come in
Yeah, they come from new listeners
Do you remember the Lincoln?
Having to slide out of it shotgun style
It was always falling apart
Passing money out the door at McDonald's because window is broken
There was a lot of tension in the house early on
Years worth of tension
But the shows got better
Our lives got better
I am surprised anyone listened
I love you but my friend hates you guys
You gotta work with me people
We've gotten a lot better at telling stories
We like to deliver a good show
Hence, the word 'show'
I don't sparkle when I move
On that tip, we've been cranking out the Resale Queen
Catch up now
It's a show about topics
Not nothingness
Buy it used on eBay NIP
My improv show this week
This is your big shot
A career option
Some might call me gifted
I don't know who those people are
At a party with Betsy
She shares this all the time, "yes, I skipped a grade"
That is one of the first things people tell you
Technically what we are doing here is illegal
No money changed hands
Thank for easy women
I wouldn't have been married if it weren't for easy women
You wouldn't have been born if it weren't for easy women
There is a woman at the class who REALLY likes me
She tried to undress me during a scene
Does it make you feel good?
So we got Bar Louie and now this woman
What are you learning at improv?
First rule is to be supportive
Second is don't undress anybody
Maybe it is you
Are you sending the vibe?
No, no, no, no, noooooooo
She pulled my shirt up in front of a room of people
Audience was like ewww
Nobody wants to see my baby tummy
It looks like I was attacked by a bear
80 members?
That is not a home owner's association
I respectfully decline to go down this road
I battled with the Russian chick again
Shopping with the kids is like having a wild raccoon duct taped to your back
You get to see everyone's ankle bracelets
She took my plates
It's her KGB training
You crossed the line and should have never done it

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: Homer Simpson Bar Louie Russian women Resale Queen wild raccoon

A daily Hulu dance

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:00:19 -0600

Monday through Friday I will be doing a little dance around here posting a TV show or movie from Hulu until it wears me out.

Today's selection is from The Simpsons season 19, episode 5, Treehouse of Horror XVIII.

BTW, yes I am enamored with Hulu right now. So bear with me.

Tags: The Simpsons Season 19 Hulu dance Simpsons video Hulu video

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:56:51 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-07.mp3
Show: #430
Length: 31:18
Size: 21.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 07, 2007

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Kris nerds out about comment spam
Not all the comments are on
I gotta shut those people down with their Ultra Canadian Pharmacy
What is wrong with you?
No one wants to hear that
It's just creative advertising, Kris
This is getting super interesting
You've dropped a lot of your nerdisms
You aren't weird around girls anymore
Just because people are turned in your general direction
Well, it doesn't mean that they are listening
Betsy breaks down her improv auditions
Betsy is freaking out
I told you how this would go
Did you bring your headshot and resume?
Right, my resume that says CEO of internet startup TheSmithMall on eBay
See, you didn't think that this was real work
No shit, it is competitive
It was valuable
I crossed it off with a china marking pen
It was pretty much like the Wheel of Fortune Chicago auditions
My sister told me not to wear my generic broken Crocs
I looked down and that's what I was wearing with no socks
That is prepared Betsy style
At that moment I didn't feel that together
A guy show up in a Simpsons t-shirt and a trench coat
I see that guy and hit the floor
Nobody move, nobody get hurt
Another chick came in frazzled with watered down eyeliner
A totally Deep Fried Blonde (DFB)
That's their problem not mine
What age range can you play?
I just put 32
You're supposed to put what ages
Every time I fill out an app - White Hen, Hardees, Ben Franklin
I could have used you as a wing man
I have talked about Mike from Second City
You just prefaced it with that
Teaching there, holy shit
The fourteen stages of improv
It's all part of the shtick
Then they go through what we are going to do
I just want to go home and watch Desperate Housewives on dvr
What was your first car?
Chevy
What kind?
Silver
And they all started laughing
I wasn't trying to be funny
Now I gotta do these setups with strangers
It went well
You are in improv boot camp at The Comedy Shrine
Naperville is holding it down
I know Mr B . . . people across the country they have working toasters
The person in the chair is the mall information booth
I am always thinking of disposable goods
Where do they sell RID at the mall?
Betsy gets cut off
The person in front of me is the Deep Fried Blonde
Her teacher didn't come from Second City
She starts a god damn conversation with me
She wants to shine
All she was supposed to say was aisle three
I started behind the door
They said don't do that
"DFB," one word would be fine
Betsy, do someone foreign
You have to get creative
Foreign to Naperville is what I brought
I was way better on the way home
You are obsessing about this
I helped build you up
You are the most competitive person that I know
Betsy, you just have to stick with it
That is the key for you
I would think after 11 years of marriage you would know when to shut up
I am just wondering why to do this
The audition freaked me out
I knew I would be with professionals
While you are doing your audition I took the man to his doctors appointment
The nurse was treating him like he's managing his health care
Sure, like he set it up
He's lost weight and not grown
We've taught him some better eating habits
Here's a fruit party platter
She's leaving and asks him if their is anything else
He's talking non-stop
This is a lot less
"Elliot is there anything else you want to share," goes the nurse
"There is something else," Elliot
He looks right at me and says, "My mom says things to my dad that makes him really angry"
"She says really mean stuff," Elliot
Buddy, it might be a good idea to refrain
On the show, but he doesn't listen
Picking up probably on the hairy situation here in the house
Sure we all have stress and tension
Your mom and I are best friends
One of those moments
Then the kid asks, "Why am I in a foster home?"
Tomorrow, is the 3 YEAR CRONCAST ANNIVERSARY

Audience Survey, please fill this out for us
Look for the graphic on "Audience Survey" on the main page

Tags: Second City The Comedy Shrine Deep Fried Blonde Hardees Croncast

When friends crush you in absentia

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 15:58:13 -0500

I don't think I will ever look at Scott the same again.

I logged into facebook and my first update item from friends was this horrific sentence:

"Scott Simpson removed "Royal Tenenbaums" from his favorite movies."

Tags: Royal Tenenbaums absentia Scott Simpson facebook movies

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 06:31:58 -0600

Croncast - 2006-11-10.mp3

Show: #300
Length: 39:19
Size: 27.0mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris November 10, 2006

That's it, the contest she's over. We've hit the 300 show mark and have winners that we drew this morning . . .

New listener winner - Matt Kavgian
Handle winner - Tom Simpson

Both of you guys will be receiving an email from me later this morning to ask what color iPod you would like. However, if you see or hear this first drop me an email and tell me what color you want.

Betsy and I want to thank all of you for listening to the show! Some of you have been listening for two years(a little something in the show for you around the 4:15 mark), some of you who are new and to all of those somewhere in between, thanks for having us over.

Show notes:

We give the iPods away
Betsy gets right into why it is just us on the show
No Betsy's dad he's got he flu
Not a good week for Gary
This is the way it should be . . . me and Booba
Is it too much pressure to be on the show?
Would Betsy ask the hard hitting 60 minutes questions
Why did we do the announcement at the beginning?
Betsy hung out with a listener today . . . Tara
Our family thinks continually that all of our listeners must be crazy
Bagels and the playground
There are normal people that listen to the show too
How did she find us? Message board
People talking about us online
Goggle and technorati ego searches
The Google searches that we get - "How to Show p*$#y to Husband"
My guess from the search is Russian mail order bride
The reason for all the hits is that we have over 549 items listed in the site
"folicular" is also been popular we're still number one at Google
I think Robin Klau coined dairysnake. . . .let me see
"Hey, so whatever happened to Slowsky?"
Poor Slowsky, Betsy wants to go see Slowsky
Kris says that Slowsky is gone
Betsy has a new passion that must be quenched . . . it has to do with QVC
She is going to call and see about purchasiing returns to sell on eBay
Amvets sweet old lady changes her tone when asked about sales
The semi will be here soon to fill our house . . . I know you Betsy
Not loving the hustle
The multiple home handsets for phone
What is the deal with the phone again . . . "checking line for trouble"
We talk about the last two years and reminisce about nearly destroying our marriage
On Monday we'll talk about the show and our plans
Outro is a little more for the long time listeners

Tags: Google 300 300th Show Matt Kavgian Tom Simpson