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Sat, 11 Jun 2011 09:29:36 -0500

NYC Creole, Sea Cucumber Defense, Wisdom Craters

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:18:15 -0500

Episode: #643
Length: 27:02
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Speaking the Creole of NYC
2-times, 2-Times, 2-times
He was ordering food
Just hustling the Midwesterner
Late night in the ER with ERS
He held up
Sea Cucumbers as metaphors
More brothers and sisters
I'm fixed, dude
Negotiated dental work
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: sea cucumber vasectomy nyc creole defense emergency room

Season 25 Episode 18: The Croncast Shorty

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:11:40 -0500

Episode: #643 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:01
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: sea cucumber vasectomy nyc creole defense emergency room

Blinds on Blonds, Death Chasm, Motivationally Speaking

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 14:21:52 -0500

Episode: #638
Length: 26:58
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

Diving into the deep end
Making the changes
Blinds on Blonds
The chasm of death
Why were you just watching?
She was prettier than me
He could have stood next to me
Motivational speaking without a message
I could totally get into that
That is how it is done
Starting over at 35 with a family
Like you just graduated college
Gifts for all
Oh! And if you use the Twitters, check out Ville - http://ville.ag

Tags: blinds on blonds death chasm graduation gifts motivational speaker

Season 25 Episode 13: The Croncast Shorty

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 14:17:34 -0500

Episode: #638 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:14
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: blinds on blonds death chasm graduation gifts motivational speaker

Season 21 Ep 22: The Mexico Part 1

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:51:06 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-23.mp3
Show: #522
Length: 32:12
Size: 29.6 mb
Format: mp3

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Back from the Mexico
This here would be part 1 of a multi-part series
This is where we take you on our vaction with us
I think I've been drinking excessively
She sweats the daiquiri
For those of you caught up, you know that we weren't around last week
We were on Betsy's Wheel of Fortune vaction to Mexico
Best part - it was free
I'll get to the parts where you nearly broke down
Props on the plastic plants you bought
Excellent investment for returning home
Growing up in a silk jungle
Dusty cornflower blue carnations
These flowers are special
They will be here forever
At some point you know that your mother-in-law will show up
Thank you for admitting that you didn't want to go with me
You can't relax for your life
Right, I can't do it
My biggest concern was the webernets close at hand
I had to have wi-fi
And your gear
One laptop, a netbook, iPhone, Treo, Camera and tons of cables
There you are a big nerd
That's just the way that it was
I don't want to take him on a vacation
What happens if you don't have them and need them?
Getting on Facebook drunk is a bad idea
They have an international speaking doctor on staff
Mayan vs Spanish vs English
He had watched 6 seasons of ER
The Swedish Slenders came up with Continental airplane designs
Hulking massive dude in the cramped seat typing on a toy computer
The women sitting behind you Mr B inspired them
They had their own "Baby Daddy Con '09"
Loose women? Is that what you are trying to say
The entire flight "My Baby Daddy..." the entire trip
The way they talked about them you would expect their baby daddies to be titans of industry
Best job I ever had was working at the shrimp hut
Needless to say that they didn't have any kids with them
Was excited she got to run cash register
Maybe in 2010 Baby Daddy Con '10 will be on your next flight
Keynote speaker will address "fertility in tough times"
If Jeanie were here
We would have started drinking and laughed at the girls
The best in flight entertainment
I am fixated on the Mayan the thing
It's a cultural thing
Continental bathrooms in the terminals, good god
I needed a ladder to get down to the urnial to pee
Not on the plane, baby
They were out to make you out to feel like 7'5
Continental "Making you feel like a big man."
Mexican customs
Betsy comes to a complete stop and follows directions
Abiding by the rules while no one else is
Move it, chocha
Chocha is now my new middle name
Why didn't we plan for a ride to resort?
Jumping on the newbies
Look, fat people on spring break
Kris gets into protection mode
We roll outside to get on your Grey Line minibus
Only two people heading in our direction
The girls from Montana
We're out there chatting for an hour as we wait
They pull up in a baja raced VW Jetta
Us and the girls pile in
The driver waits outside reading the directions the girls gave him
Twenty minutes later he gets back in the car
Little did we know what was written on that paper
If they had given to me, I would have kicked them to the curb
Find out what was on that paper on Wednesday

Tags: Mexican Vacation Dreams Tulum Baby Daddy Con daiquiri mix chocha

Montenegro wants to help .me

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:44:40 -0500

This news has been out for a few months and I missed it but what an awesome bit of news it is . . . for nerds.

What is so awesome? The .me Top Level Domain (TLD) will go on sale this year. For english speaking countries this is great because of the pluthora of phrases that we use that end in me and the ability with a consonant followed by a vowel for work making. As for phrases and words I'll leave that up to you.

The .me domain extension should go on sale in early spring or summer.Hopefully, after the corps and resellers finish buying up names there will be so.me left for us.

Tags: .ME TLD Go Daddy Montenegro domains ICAAN

Season 19 Ep 22: Workahol, Collecting Pennies, Astro Van

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:50:33 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-19.mp3
Show: #469
Length: 27:10
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Taking you to the hospital was a bit comedic
You are such an ass
Listen, it had to be done
I asked you not to put that picture on the internet
You did and then 20 minutes later you said put it up
Technologically challenged isn't something you can plead
Sell all of your clothes and buy an iPod
That is the way it should be done
"We're going to have to start an IV"
No, no, no
It gave me a flashback to giving blood
Those self-satisfied, holier than though bloodletting freaks
Sitting around sipping orange juice and eating vanilla wafers
Even the dancing blood drop
He is the smuggest prick around
I've had two children the IV was the worst part
Just do it
Don't tell me about it
This was a serious deal
You couldn't let this thing fester
I was down here digging ditches for you
I am going to get you a bottle a Workahol
I gotta be here to support you
Waskily wabbit do I need to you to show up in a crisis
The tables were completely reversed
You give me
You gotta put the antibacterial stuff on on it
Clean your dog bite wounds right away
You should immediately go to hospital for wound
Can you scratch my butt with your tooth
Then you get bitten
Now it is trying to kill you
The other angle that is happening
No you are trying to work from your mobile phone
Betsy went off the deep end
You became party Betsy
I did like 30 minutes of stand up
Filling in the gaps for Betsy
Then you did the laugh
I can't stand the whole blood thing
She hit a good vein
The nurse goes "Whoah!"
"You don't feel that?"
They just cut you
You're gonna be ok though
I have it on video
I know, the nurse didn't think to stop me
That won't hold up in court when you say Macy's dressing room
There was blood everywhere
The blood pooled in your elbow pit
Yeah, and you were over there drinking your Workahol
The ball was in court
Yes, it was kind of humorous
You were twittering the whole time
I wasn't doing that
I will scroll through your twitter record
You got through it very well
As an outpatient they said, double the drugs
Bit by the meanest shihtzu on the planet
During the intake you have to fill out the dog attack form
The dogophilia love that you suffer from
I knew the answer would be . . . it wasn't the dogs fault, it was mine
You people are crazy
It is the abuse gene
There were other women at the hospital say the same thing
Two nurses said the same thing!
My 15 yo dog bit me too
I know it was my fault and you laughed with her
You domesticated a wolf and invited it into your home
It is not your fault that they bite you
It is part of their nature
Mostly subdued but it is inherent in their personalities
Speaking of 15 pound one toothed animals
I saw Billy Bob Thornton and his band play in Austin
Riding in a Lesbian's Astro Van to dinner
She has a huge freezer bag full of stuff
It is dried peppers and tomatoes
He starts to eat some
The convince some people to try it
She's got the sweet Astro van
I know not to eat strange food in a mini van with two lesbians
What is it season with?
It as a 0 point yeast
The guy next to me spits it out across my lap
A zero point yeast!
Billy Bob Thornton was playing at Antone's
Real pennies prior to 1982

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: astro van shihtzu bite workahol collecting pennies zero point yeast gum

Season 19 Ep 18: Hey Sugar, Maiden Warrior, Let's meet

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:22:04 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-22.mp3
Show: #464
Length: 32:14
Size: 29.8mb
Format: mp3

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It's been a while
I'm rusty
Remembering the order that I say things in
I don't use the Secret, no
You are a closet Unitarian Mr. B
No I am not
Are you a Secretologist?
She says random stuff
I'm just speaking my mind
That is what she things
Trying to get my goat
Takes one to know one
You are messing with wrong chick
She told me that she someone from my church
The woman told me she was a Humanist
Does that mean you guys are Scientologists?
You're giving away our secrets
Now you know before I say anything about Scientologists
We have a listener that meets all of Betsy's anti-requirements
We love him though
I wasn't messing with engineers, I know them
I admire the way that they think
She rolls over, I need to tell you something
She's going to tell you she tested positive for something
"My name . . ."
Your name?
"Yeah"
Yes
"Noel"
Yeah, I got it
"It means Maiden Warriors"
My engineer roommate began stirring in his loft
I taught him everything he needed to know about women
I had the scariest roommate in the entire world
I don't think you have told it, Betsy
**Note: this is one of the best stories Betsy has told on the show**
**Listen in at the 8:00 minute mark**
The alcoholic woman at the water park
She reminded me of your mom, Kris
Listers, you tell me
The text message I got was a hook-up message
No, it wasn't
I will leave it up to the listeners
Have you shared it with your friends
Yeah
What did they say?
Well . . .

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: Maiden Warrior Humanist Secretologist alcoholic women

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 09:46:14 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-19.mp3
Show: #435
Length: 34:52
Size: 23.9mb
Format: mp3

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Baby, I been 33 for a week and realized something
You are beautiful
You've go a style all your own
Did senility set in?
You've got the reverse mullet
I need to get this woman a PBR
You got the part up front and business in the back
A very serious paradigm shift
So sorry for you sucka
You gots to see the business coming
You have requested I sell everything I own
Mine, my stuff
I bring up your rings
What did you tell me, Betsy?
Yeah, whatever
You can get your second wife bigger rocks than these
Diamond guns
I'll have diamonds falling out of my shirt sleeves
And now after taxes we can live off of it for a month
Spending money breathing
Garrick said, "It's expensive to wake up in the morning."
Paying to get through the day
Gotta get paid while you sleep
People do buy it now while I am snoring away
We bought ourselves a little time
Thanks to Chris Brogan, Rob Shore, John C Havens and others for leads
Head over to Croncast.com and check my resume
Oh, what are you doing?
Big stress doesn't lend itself to thinking about the holidays
His TV is buying a doll and a fruit tray
I'm queen of the wives
Speaking of this
Evan and I got into trouble with this last week
"what do you wives do?"
We said "Naperville" the wives don't work
I could be making $10 slanging slurpees
And you would still be at home
We could get a Jaguar gift certificate
Maybe the Volvo should disappear?
I called ChildServ to see if I can get on schedule
Back to my story
I was Christmas shopping
I am not going buy anything Made in China
Especially not a doll
What?
Have you gone all blue collar?
They'll poison your toothpaste and feed you Aqua Dots
I don't get this
I buy retail once a year
It's ok if it is gifted to Goodwill and you get it?
Hell yes
Even American Girl Dolls are made in China
So I am working this doll tip
You can't find any dolls that are not made in China
Betsy is out to change the world
She has always been fascinated with China
Chinese history books are all over the house
I grill Betsy on it as she avoids
This isn't about improv
I think the Cultural Revolution were interesting
I am trying to make this easy for you to understand
Olympic questions next
It'll be fine as long as no one gets pregnant
Dexter on Showtime has been great this season
WGA strike
Screw the studios . . . these writers should get on with it online
Thanks to CaptRespect and MacGeek for support!!

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Tags: made in china Naperville Goodwill CaptRespect MacGeek WGA strike

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:21:44 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-09.mp3
Show: #431
Length: 34:07
Size: 23.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 09, 2007

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Croncast been holding it down for 3 Years
431 podcasts as of today
You got 3 years from us . . . leave us 3 sentences in the comments
You should play some of the old interviews
No
People can still download them, but I'm not playing them
Your kilted friend
That was an awkward situation
Oh, the Renn faire . . . what goes on there?
Can you create chemistry
I did the snowmobile show
It was the number one show in the world for a while
Then it disappeared
Yeah, Nick decided it was over . . . no moolah
Betsy, I got in your proximity
I feel sorry for your microphone
You need to brush your teeth
What is that crap you are eating
The humus
Not quite as bad as the Aquadots
I told you they were poison
Yeah, but you say every toy is poison
Any item is actually life threatening
I look at the world in the form of 'If I needed to defend myself in prison
Hey, I'm a producer
You could take over anything with a hot cup of coffee
Maybe I'll get my iPod back finally
Rock on Cronast
Do you know who this iPod begins long?
No more Samsonite luggage picking guys
Who the hell has an iPod full of ZZ Top
Speaking of things we talk about that offend people
Online degrees
Yes, Kris has one
And an AA from a junior college
I'm on the inside, I can make that joke
I worked in higher ed for 5 years
I watched the growth into online learning
We got no respect for it
Even from anyone in other distance education modes
I would still be representing as Captain Pizza making fine Italian pies
Working at a gas station is more of a psychographic read
I worked with a lottery winner
She won a couple million bucks
Just because she won the lottery doesn't make her interesting
I got lucky picking numbers
It isn't about how you won money, that isn't interesting
What happened with the money is interesting
Talked to a guy in Boston and he was like I made some loot
Then I left the country for 16 years
Don't remember it all
If I hadn't married you, I was this guy
It was like looking at myself at 65
Did your souls slip out and kiss
And minor nerve damage
Maybe he was eating Aquadots
There is something so unnatural about adding water to anything and making super glue
Seeing as how your body is 98 percent water someone should have caught that
Well, guys
Betsy is a mess
You broke down two minutes in
I am deep fried on the KFC scale
It's the job thing, the improv thing, eBay stuff and then class
You got to get on that
People need to just tell you what do
Betsy quit taking things dirty
What the hell is a safe word?
Yeah I know what it is
No one knows, I'm a deviant
I know what it is, that is what I was saying
No one at improv knew
Your audience won't know
The hell they won't, my audience will
WTF?
I have more respect with my audience than to talk down to them
I don't think I made it
You got to let it go
This is a good experience
You are learning from it
You are taking it off the deep end
You tried out for the local, yes local
They are here . . . not NY or LA
You just need more experience
Call them on it
Don't let it continue on
Deal with it and get an answer
Going to the DMV
They had the wrong soc # for me
They also had Slowsky still in the computer as being owned by you

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Tags: iPod ZZ Top DMV Croncast Aquadots Slowsky

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 09:03:17 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-19.mp3
Show: #422
Length: 30:17
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 19, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Pause the show people and do it right now
Sorry we been away . . . we'll give you some news on Monday
Lots of heavy commenting yesterday
Get your sms thumb ready
What if I don't have sms thumb?
Yes, we will share on Monday
In the meantime I have a rockin' story Mr. B
Ok, well get on with it
I'm tired of this house looking like a warehouse
Can't buy it, Kris will bitch at me
I have to find something small that I can sell
Go to Goodwill, nothing
Go to garage sales, nothing
Have the Russians taken over at Goodwill?
It's on, their pricing is out of control
Regional trends in purse buying
Runs through my mind 6 times a day
I left Goodwill grumpy
I roll out to the garage sales thinking about my plushies
We pass by an overflowing dumpster
I am a dumpster snob so a video game joint doesn't entice me
I have standards
New t-shirt . . . Dumpster Snob
I lifted out a big box . . . full of Xbox and PS2 games
Baby, you stole someone's stash
Vicky says, there's movies too
And turns on the car dome light
Turn off the light dude!
Used, abused games
So I want to explain to you why I smell like another man's perfume
Tonight I had an epiphany
Did you go back to Bar Louie?
The garbages are there before us
Vickie, "It's not against the law"
Betsy, "Shut up and watch for cops"
All these stores throw out product
Vickie, "I know where I want to go"
Betsy, "Where?"
Vickie, "Bath and Body Works"
Baby, you guys are losing it
I think it is dumb to spend more than $1.50 on mascara
Vickie is watching me behind the Alta dumpster
What do they sell . . . perfume
It's dark, so I say to myself, follow the smell
I am lifting stuff out of the garbage and smelling it
Just because it is in the garbage doesn't mean that I want it
You never park next to the dumpster
It needs to be so you can screech away
On the next Croncast, Betsy's get away tips
In the next pull, my brother-in-law's Christmas gift
The cologne
A zip lock full of cologne and he would be like way to go
Vickie, "What the hell is this?"
Betsy, "It's Nautica"

-----------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest story Betsy has ever told!!!!!
I am crying while doing these show notes
-----------------------------------------------------

You have gone beyond Sanford and Son
Much praise to you baby for holding it down so we don't have to walk over your merchandise
This stuff could cost you your freedom if you keep it up
You probably shouldn't be doing this
Don't tell your law enforcement friends about the show today
What's wrong is the fact you picked up a bag of cologne?
What part of your game that said. "This is a good idea"
I gotta bring her back something
The used hair dye was not a winner
It was the best smelling of all the bags
So speaking of crazy stories
I walk out of the airport and lady with lots of red hair is in front of me
She's asking a guy
I realize that it's Kathy Griffin
Segue from you dumpster diving, I met Kathy Griffin
I got nothing compared to you, Bears
She is taller in real life
That can't be said much for the Hollywood set
Betsy, "I would have said, You are a bigger fag hag than me. I fucking love you. Can you please autograph my tit."
Yeah, I wouldn't have said that
She's thinking, who is this fat dude in the camel hair blazer?
It's 85 and he's got a coffee at 7 pm and eating a sandwich
Thanks to Ben for the comment . . . much appreciated!!!
A little math on the Croncast free shows
422 shows
Minimum cost to produce $600 (lowest rate I would charge client for a show like ours)
Total: $253,200
You go and find another chick who will go ass up in a dumpster for entertainment

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Tags: Kathy Griffin dumpster diving cologned in a bag Croncast Dumpster Snob

Saturday code goodness means flickr, flafoo and twitter

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 16:31:21 -0500

So far I've got a new flickr + twitter script done and need to move on to flafoo while I have some daylight to burn.

The flickr + twitter code is why all of the pics have been showing up as posts and why all the people following me on twitter got blasted with 20 messages at once . . . sorry for that. I promptly setup a twitter account to test with.

For the last two months I have been sending photos from my phone to flickr and having them inserted as blog posts. Which has been pretty awesome and a ton of fun. But what I was missing was the twitter connection. Not anymore.

Now, thanks to this post from Dave Winer and code that I had already written for @tweetair (coming very soon, I swear), flafoo and Croncast, it took about ten minutes to get it up and running.

Dave's post was important because it turned the light for me. The "Ahaa" moment was when I realized I was already parsing my flickr feed every two minutes anyway looking for photos that I had marked to be blog posts. All I needed to do was differentiate what was to be a blog post from that of a twitter update.

It took about two seconds.

I make blog posts from flickr by starting a description of a photo with an asterisk, like so "*", and adding my content after that. For twitter I use "^" to tell the script to send a tweet. If I use them together "*^" then I get both.

Dave's setup with TwitterGram is much cleaner, using only the tag portion to note that a flickr upload is meant to be a tweet, simple and clean. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to tweet their flickr photos with ease. My code is custom and considerably more messy for a guy that wants to have control over blog posts, blog posts and tweets or just tweets by uploading photos to flickr.

API's + the RSS 2.0 + curl + simplexml_load_file = ridiculously low threshold for a mediocre coder to join the integration party.

Speaking of API's, I will be updating flafoo today and possibly tomorrow with new categories that will henceforth be known as "flafoogeries" and the ability for anyone to add a "flafoogery" from the site.

Tags: TwitterGram Dave Winer twitter flickr flafoo

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:58:34 -0500

Croncast - 2007-10-12.mp3
Show: #421
Length: 30:19
Size: 20.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 12, 2007

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Tell a Friend Friday!
Tell'em all about it
This is a rocking show . . . starts slow, Betsy is sick, but fires up
Thanks Mexico Mike/Susan, seriously?
Proxy commenters need not hide
User your real information
I know who it is, Bears
Who?
You mom
She got a WebTV
Through a proxy
My perfect job would be the skipper on a boat
The skipper of a sailboat
So, I went and bought a Jamocha shake from Arby's
Now I want to throw up
Speaking of Goodwill . . . Mike and Liz just had a baby today!!!
Congratulations to the Marusin's and Poppy Ann
Wait until you get your Goodwill gift
No way Kris, I will them something nice . . . like a store display
Going to Ben Franklin to get some paint
Unless a blind person comes and runs their fingers over it no one will know
We are really talking about a $160 present
We should get them something new
Yeah, Kris, we will get them some diapers
You need not to nerd out on strollers, explain
Why don't they call it the platform stroller?
You can sit or stand . . .let's call it the platform stroller
Special place for them to hold on
They always want to stand in the cart
What kind of vitamin deficiency makes your skin fall off?
I mean like peel on your hands
One year of hands down the pants
Baby!
That is all about moisture, Kris
Maybe you need to get sick more often
Improv round two started last night for Betsy
Not just the core group, time to move on
Betsy and her ego
I love, love this class
Yeah, it is controlled psychosis
You are nuts
The crazier the people the better
Crazy people find each other
Giving off the crazy vibe
You find out later you have it in common
Kicking it at Bar Louie with my posse
I can't believe you are still going back
Of course I am
You don't want to profit from my sexual harassment?
This is your joint now . . . your cheers
They listen to the show now
My mom paid children to teach me to ride a bike
I don't know if I ever told you this before, Kris
Told me what?
I was born dead
What?
I was blue and not breathing
That explains a lot
What else you hiding from me?
Object work in improv
They reply to me . . . "It's not a radio show"
Well, let them come in and try this
That's right . . . dead air bitch
When is it a good time to bring up being born dead?
I don't know.
Who are you? Where is my wife that was born alive?
The doctor left with a blue baby
Came back with a pink baby
Don't go to Arby's and buy a Jomacha shake

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Tags: Jamocha shake Poppy Ann Marusin Goodwill improv psychosis Bar Louie

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:46:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-26.mp3
Show: #415
Length: 27:29
Size: 18.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 26, 2007

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Parents of multiples speak up
Was a great set of comments
The singletons get the message
I thought the Planned Parenthood thing would get people going
Finding out what you have in common where you think you wouldn't
We do have a lot in common
Sure they might be busy Sunday morning
Yeah, all house-wifery
The excitement level is raising
We are off to California in two days
Betsy doesn't recall the truth
You and your brontosaurus brain got us in to this
The problems with your story
They said, "yes"
Not my fault I can't read woman
No means yes and yes means no
Power of attorney to admit the kids to the hospital?
You say my family is crazy!
Your family goes off the deep end
They get stressed and you would think the world is ending
Now she's upset because she bought me some clothes too
Zeus jumps up on bed
Mom sighs, "he's a big pain in the ass"
I'm more worried about him than the kids
I pick up on these things because I am a woman
So do you want me to board him? No
I board the dog and come back, I boarded the dog, thank you!
We don't like him because he chews up everything
They would be good to go if he didn't eat their faces
I had dogs when I was a kid, suck it up
Your kid is a puffy cuff like you
You need so much chaos in your life baby
We do not need need another beastie running around this house
You are the only person that he doesn't pee on
Betsy will clean the house but leave the cow bones laying everywhere
The reality is that the dog eats anything that he can
The rule of fish . . . if it fits in its mouth it eats it
I think that is true
So it's like your mother
I'm late on the laugh . . . my lungs are messing with me
I got a fix Mr B
I have a pill upstairs calls "placebo"
Baby you better go and get it
New spam coming in for Viagra Pro
Seriously do we need Viagra Pro?
Speaking of Viagra, Mr B
So at my improv class I said, "Don't forget to take your Viagra"
Got a big laugh
Teacher asks me where that came from
Absolutely joking and deadpan, "I have been married 10 years"
Dead silence . . . I said it was a joke but not loud enough
Now when I meet these people I am going to be Mr. Limpy
Yeah, Mr Limpy Betsy's bitch
Jeanie came up to visit
I took her to lunch and to the resale shops
Which one?
People don't kill people
Nice
Then we went to a real clothing store
Seriously, good idea to take Jeanie with you
I don't want to look schlubbtastic
Jeanie has a hard time telling me what she thinks
I told her not to hold back
What about Conde Nast Portfolio?
You look at the pictures
I just choose from the mannequins
Sure enough this store doesn't have any
Jeanie gets real comfortable with her criticism
It looks like 3 kids are going to pop out and say "boo"
We got a lot going on
I been bringing
My laugh is gone
Everything that I have said lately is hilarious
I know that going out in public with you brings the funny

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Tags: Halloween schlubbtastic Jeanie Bowen Conde Nast Portfolio Viagra Pro

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:53:05 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-03.mp3
Show: #405
Length: 33:11
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

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Short show notes:
Betsy can't handle not mocking me during
How can I now mock you?
Kris had to do the intro 27 times
No way
August melted like a warm pat of butter in the sun straight into September
Celebrating a laborless birthday
I can't handle it
The worst joke that Betsy ever attempted
Wow did that bomb
Been a crazy weekend around here
We're broke
Thankfully we live in Pleasantville
Oh my god the cup is so half empty for you
What else do you want?
The park public bathrooms have Corian
The man tells me he is good at that point
Those games cost money . . . who wants to pet goats?
I wanna go on this ride . . . suck it up
Daddy doesn't make enough money
It's character building Mr. B
The photos like this chicken riding a llama
This chicken sees your soul

Maggie was super excited to ride the ponies
The chicken on the llama . . . she never thought of that
The 8 by 8 portable animal corral
Filled with animals
Pigs are doing figure 8's around the llama's feet
It wasn't a petting zoo it was a petting corral
Same thing happened with Elliot at Lake Holiday
The kids get on to the sand pile
The super farmer, Farmer Rollo, comes walking to his truck
Farmers look like retired Floridians they are so tan
Silver hoop earing . . . a pirate farmer
That man is an owner operator
I run this joint, that's my 8 by 8 pen bitch
It was funny when he came sauntering by with blood spurting from his face
He's hustling to his truck
Applying pressure to his face
What's wrong with you?
The pig bit me
The thing about the pigs is they were 10 weeks old
They go vicious
Thought of his probiscus as a teet
He wants the Jaycees contract for next year
Maybe some more horses next year
The animals were all in good shape
Eventually he stops the bleeding
He tried everything he could in his truck
He was trying to be casual about it
One of those things that was interesting to watch
OSHA would have take him to task
That pig should have been at least 12 inches from your face
I won't tell you what they do to the runts
Speaking of death
We watched the Mount Everest thing on NBC
They left the guy behind
Poked him in the eye to make sure he was dead
Next day . . . he's awake and talking to new climbers
Can I talk to you about improv class?
Sure you can lay it out for me
He's a professional extra
The goal is to succeed as a team
Right, they aren't supposed to be laughing at one of you
Betsy, you have to hold it back
Am I sassy? No
Am I hyper? No
Am I a bossy bitch? Yes
You have to stop steam rolling over everyone
You need to remember that you run over people
I am glad you are having someone point this out to you
We are an ensemble and the rest of your life should be that way
I hear people laughing all day in my head

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Tags: Corian Farmer Rollo Pleasantville baby pigs OSHA

Move to Naperville and hang with us

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:28:35 -0500

Speaking of Mr. Klau, you can purchase his former abode here in Naperville. With this purchase you can not only have beautiful home with a sweet basement bar but you can hang with some of Naperville's finest nerds.

If you buy it, yes you reading this post, you'll get a dinner for two with Betsy and I to give you the dirt on your new town. Rick, Robin, this will sell your house!

This I lifted this from Rick's post about the house (if you are a Democrat check out the last line of this post):

And maybe most significantly, we loved how close we were to some of Napervilles gems: Ribfest (walking distance to that most gluttonous of charitable events!), Last Fling (seeing They Might Be Giants a couple years ago was a highlight), and the Riverwalk. We spent a ton of time walking around downtown - between the library (#1 in the country!), the restaurants, Andersens bookshop, events like Oktoberfest, there were plenty of opportunities - which was just a mile away.

We added a bit of history to the house, hosting Barack Obama for a fundraiser during his 2004 Senate run.

Tags: Naperville Homes Ribfest Barack Obama Rick Klau Andersen's Bookshop

How to save your unconference

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 12:53:08 -0500

As far an unconferences go WordCamp 2007 hasn't been that different from many of the others that I have attended; hit and miss, but mostly miss. David Spark sums up the experience pretty well.

Here's my two cents as an attendee at many events like this:

1) Unprepared speakers
2) Awesome hallway conversations

The only way to have an unconference that gets people excited about coming back again, i.e. PodCamp New York, or speaking about the event is to manage number 1 above. Bring that hallway enthusiasm to the stage.

Unconference organizers should be in contact with their speakers dialogging about how to make their event useful to attendees, memorable, something that makes an impact in their daily lives. Nobody wants to sit and listen to what are essentially product diatribes or be spoken to like they are children.

How to save your unconference:

1) Plan, plan and plan some more. Plan everything and have a plan for it your plan doesn't work (because it is an unconference doesn't mean that attendee expectations are lower when they walk through the door than they would be for the $1000 conference that you bemoan)

2) Tell your speakers to get prepared (this is a golden opportunity to share experiences that can help people not make the same mistakes)

3) Create attendee tracks (create unconference value by allowing a channel for filtered conversations a.k.a. hallway conversations)

This post might not come off like it, but I am a big fan of unconferences. However, I am beginning to think that the best conferences might be a mix of the traditional and the new step-child. Maybe that is what I'll experience at Gnomedex next month. We'll see.

Tags: WordCamp 2007 unconference halwaay conversations Swedish American Hall

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 16, 2007

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:56:06 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-16.mp3
Show: #387
Length: 16:37
Size: 11.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 16, 2007

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The morning be "one of those" already! I gotta roll out to work so there will be a lack of full show notes. Here's five notes to sum it up.

Betsy has had the kids by herself for a week at this point
Crazy Betsy's fantasy about a need to drive to Colorado again
Speaking to your child repetitively to get there attention
The movers show up with new appliances and shame Kris' manliness
Firemen with axes and condoms on their belts

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Tags: sony vaio sears kenmore appliances Goodwill illinois resale shops

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:10:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-22.mp3
Show: #379
Length: 28:48
Size: 19.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

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Kris is funny too
Well, you should be . . . you've been learning for years from me
I should call you "lady ambiguity"
You are like the thing on Lost that traverses the forest
I went through the basement windows
Locked in the basement
I am proud of you Kris, there could have been a jar at your feet
I call the house phone from my cell
Could have opened it with a pair of scissors
You who took the certified to sell the house class
Kris has a cold
Ah, you are so dramatic
So just tell your story Mr. B
I gave up on all of you trying save me
Who's the dumb ass now
It sucks to be locked in a little box doesn't it?
You can hold it till she gets home
I used the escape exit from the basement
Turns out I am not as fat as I think I am
Kris's body dysmorphic disorder
How did you get out of the well?
Very easy, big man struggling out of a small hole
I'm glad it happened
When I met people who listen to the show last year they figured I weighed 800 lbs
The commenter has to be new to the show
Or it is Betsy's mom
Thank you for caring
It doesn't look terrible
Betsy has a lot of stuff
I give Betsy a hard time and she gives me one too
It is part of our schtick
Bety's hair now looks like Eddie Vedder from 1991
Oh, I forgot to tell you
You know how when you are old and you see young kids and say, "They are dressing like that now"
I almost laughed right at them
The hair metal look appears to be back with the kids
You can mess with the Slayer they are not a hair band
The awkward dopey kids
Checking their hair in the mirror
How the hell did I not ever have clue?
That was you nearly 20 years ago
Sweet Pea let me tell you about these boys
The guilty red neck pleasure that Kris has been indulging in
No preventative care for yourself?
The water bottle carrier
Get a really thick leather man belt
One that says Denis Austin?
No
Bad ass dudes don't give away their belts, they wear them till they fall off
Speaking of jugs
I went T-shirt shopping for you tonight Kris
Margarita Team
Tommy Bahama| ZZ Top on the Apple TV
Selling off the audio equipment for tax loot
Show quality will change a bit, but I am on it today

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Tags: Tommy Bahama Margarita Team the creature from Lost ZZ Top proud of Kris

I'm speaking at this year's Podcast and New Media Expo

Sun, 20 May 2007 13:15:39 -0500

Though it's the last day and time slot I'll be speaking at The Podcast and Portable Media Expo in the Advanced Creation Techniques track.

Compression Killed The Video Star
Track 4: Advanced Creation Techniques
Instructor: Kris Smith (bio) of Room214.com and Palegroove Studios
Room: 200ABC
Description: You've shot your video, done all the post work to make your project come to life, and finally uploaded it to all the video sites. But now every media player makes it look like it was hit by a truck and your audio sounds like an international phone call. Let's fix it! Compression of your project is key for the multitude of formats used online by YouTube, Revver, BlipTV, Brightcove. Veoh and the list goes on. Get the most out of your work by understanding compression, transcoding and codecs so that the viewer experiences your content as you envisioned.

Tags: Kris Smith New Media Expo PME07 Compression Killed The Video Star Revver

Speaking today in Chicago

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 11:14:09 -0500

Thought I would throw in a post for today's fun! I'm speaking at eLearning 2007 here in Chicago later today. My presentation, "Using RSS Feeds, Podcasts to Deliver Distance Education" is focused on a case study of the first Castlock licensee. You can download the slides from my work blog.

So there was no real travel just a $40 parking tab from the hotel.

Which appears to mean $10 for every diamond that a hotel claims. Maybe someday I'll actually stay at a diamond rated hotel and test that theory.

Tags: eLearning2007 RSS for education eLearning 2007 Chicago Podcasting for educators syndicated for education

Podcast Academy 5 - February 14th and 15th

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 09:34:22 -0600

I'll be speaking with a cast of great characters including Tim Bourquin, Greg Cangialosi, Noah Bonnett and Michael Geoghegan at Podcast Academy 5 Feb 14-15, 2007 sponsored by GigaVox Media.

This time it is being held at Duke University . . . so any east coasters interested in academic podcasting, podcasting production or the technical side of podcasting should come out to the event. So don't think that if you haven't defended a thesis you're not welcome. Like I said, I'll be there.

Feel free to read the schedule for more information.

My presentation will be on authenticated and personalized RSS feeds. 'Authenticated' meaning password protected feeds and what they are good for and 'personalized' meaning that the content delivered through the feeds is specific to the individual receiver. I'll also dabble a bit in the importance of being able to track individual RSS usage.

And since this is being held at an academic institution a portion of my presentation will come from my work with JCAHO delivering professional development (sort of academic) with RSS as piece of a low-threshold Learning Managment System (LMS).

Tags: Podcast Academy 5 podcastacademy5 GigaVox GigaVox Media Duke University

Geek affect in full effect

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 11:05:53 -0600

Well, the video interview that I mentioned back in October from TECHcocktail 2 is now out. It is a good thing that we don't do a video podcast!

Thanks to Ed and Benjamin for coming down to Chicago from Technology Evangelist for coming down from The Twin Cities to shoot video and put a few away with us.

I get completely nerdy and invoke every nerd vocal affect and even throw in some raised eyebrows . . . which are much more noticeable when you have not a hair on your head.

You'll notice the launching forward when I speak, that is due to the noise in the bar and I wasn't sure that Ed was was two feet in fron of me would be able to hear me speak. It was loud! I could barely hear myself speaking. Benjamin did a great job picking up my voice or it was the mic but either way it sounds better than it did in the bar.

Tags: TECHcocktail2 TECH cocktail Technology Evangelist Kris Smith Croncast

I'm speaking - Podcasting: An Insider's View

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:25:42 -0500

Update: View archived session.

~~Register (It's free)~~.

I'm speaking tomorrow for a webinar series put on by ReadyTalk here's the lowdown:

"Kris Smith will bring his insider's view of podcasting from the beginning of this exciting medium straight through to today and into the future. We'll discuss podcasting's history, tools, music, theme, content creation, copyright and other tips that can help you hit the ground running as a producer."

Tags: Kris Smith podcasting ReadyTalk webinar Palegroove