sure | Croncast - Life is Show Prep

No Shake Hand, Bum Chic, Podiatrist To The Stars

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 09:21:07 -0600

Episode: #773 | Length:32:28 | Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

not sure why, but this episode has an echo filter applied to it
wake up to pass out coughing
hit up the doc
waiting out the disease
to make sure it's not all in my head
lowering expectation by appearance
i say to the greeter
reflexively went for you wallet
doubles over laughing
i know who you're talking about
you look frightening
his beard's now a creature
can't see it
sad, you are on the wrong planet
it is my neck dickie
all the bum chic

Tags: croncast funniest podcast audio book best comedy podcast

sure for once

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 09:19:46 -0500

Tags: sure

growth measure

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 06:26:50 -0500

Tags: measure growth

Wallet Unicorn, Stand Up Guy, BWENY

Fri, 27 May 2011 10:32:45 -0500

Episode: #747 | Length: 20:51 | Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

From the Blog World Expo floor
We did this up for the Expo 30 Day Free Trial!
Not sure how long it will be available
Get your friends hooked on Croncast :-D

Tags: croncast best of 2010 funniest podcast longest episode

brick wall and blood

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 17:09:18 -0600

on my way back from an errand i was taking photos of walls. if i hadn't been, i'm sure i would have missed this shot.

what caught my eye was the contrast of the red to the green...it is the holiday season.

after taking a few shots i realized that the red liquid wasn't nail polish, paint or something spilled from the first floor window ledge. it was blood.

i looked at it closely in disbelief, but it was. my right foot, out of frame was in a significant semi-evaporated puddle of it.

whatever happened in this spot was now over and only a few hours since.

the event was over and in true new york fashion everyone had moved on and a bit of human residue, like graffiti, the only reminder. that is until a super brings out a garden hose on monday morning and washes the marker to the curb.

Tags: taking blood red few event

Sure, Dad.

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 09:28:01 -0500

wish i knew for certain was goes around in her head.

Tags: certain head knew wish dad

Croncast Addiction, The Episodes Will Flow

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 09:18:37 -0500

I prefer not to write these posts . . .

It was Monday, we missed it with a new episode. I am sure if you've got a strong Croncast addiction, you noticed.

No excuses, our routine is to record them Sunday night.

That changed this week, as something came up for Betsy. Yesterday evening, it didn't come together either.

We'll get an episode out tonight and back on track for regular Monday, Wednesday and Friday deliveries.

Tags: kris wayne betsy shilts croncast croncast addiction

Sunshine, Electrified Fountain, BMX Superstar

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:47:35 -0500

Episode: #645
Length: 27:14
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes Get Cool!

That place inside The Facebook finders
No patience for the babiness
Thinking like a computer
Two shopping lists
Gotta be sunshine
Wanna be a proctologist
I'll get you a book for that
Daddy alternate personalities
Scratch the name off
Two parties to keep team smith moving
Redneck lame sports aphorisms
Mommies are needed
Even for women that are 85 need mommy supervision
Women here can't dress
Keep the junk hidden in your pants
45 degree camel toe
Lady you got issues
I don't walk around in my tidy whities
Ladies shouldn't either
Camel Toe Cop
I should be issuing citations
Niet on the man spanx
The pushy together bra
Disappointment Bra
Fool men on dates
Electrified Fountains
Sure i nursed till I was 12
Breast milk is best way to be BMX superstar
It is all about bone density

Tags: electrified fountain bone density disappointment bra aphorisms

Season 25 Episode 20: The Croncast Shorty

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:31:19 -0500

Episode: #645 The Croncast Shorty
Length: 4:04
Format: mp3

To listen to this and all new Croncast episodes in full Get Cool!

Tags: electrified fountain bone density disappointment bra aphorisms

The Penthouse, Bedazzled Shirts, Purse Selling Zombies

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:44:52 -0600

Show: #537
Length: 28:09
Format: mp3

I can't tell you the story off the show
There is safety on the show
A good tight story
Directors cut?
Just tell me the story
Three undred people waiting to get in . . .
And then us
Yeah, with you I don't think club with a 'K'
It looks like John Goselin fell from an airplane and exploded
All too much
The 6'8 400 lbs bouncer comes over
Failed arena football player
Heading to the penthouse party
Yes, I'll take you up right now
I don't fit at all
The head neck move dance all together
We make our way in
Turns out it is a Penthouse part
Not a penthouse party
Was TMZ there?
They see you the music stops and they ask who let this guy in
Schlumpy midwestern guy, who let him in?
I was on the of the line
Sure the Pussy Cat Dolls were doing there show
Did they say i gotta go to the bathroom
No, but they did let me know I might not get in
Leave you outside?
Yeah, but I totally understand
Gonna make it happen
I know that you know that I am impressed
You aren't making eye contact with me
We get into the VIP area
That was it
Didn't know what to do after that
Then the free drinks began
They brought out the Cristal
It was a cliche of cliches
Everyone is loving it
The AVN awards ends and the adult stars start showing up
Every Ed Hardy design was represented
Bouncers couldn't figure out who or why we were there
Let me tell you what we were doing while you were partying
I took Maggie to a craft shop
Where?
On Canal Street
Nice
Yeah, I was attacked by purse selling zombies
I would call you from hell, but not bother you from heaven
That's marriagr
The store was half empty
Right, cuz all the embroidery thread was needed for the shirts in vegas

Tags: Pure Las Vegas VIP Penthouse Party schlumpy Ed hardy

The New York Days Begin, Feral Las Vegas Cats, Costco Lust

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:45:58 -0600

Show: #536
Length: 40:05
Format: mp3

Thank you!
To all those that are cool . . . you rock!
If you're not cool, you can get cool
Why start on the 13th?
I can't avoid the number - I should embrace it
It's always in my address
Homeless guy that sleeps in front of only that address
Working on the streaming version player
Will be ready by Friday
How should I know that 3XL in gay is in XL?
I thought things were fancy in Naperville
Until I experienced Elliot's public school
Can anyone ring the bell at NYSE or NASDAQ?
Grammy tickets?
Where is this place and who are these people?
Having a nice car in New York
She has a huge Range Rover
What are we?
We're the Walking Class
Party at the wine bar for the parents
I don't have a baby sitter
No worries, my nanny can watch your kids too
Thanks but I can't get there
Don't worry my husband has a car service
I was just at Costco, you bitch
No idea how I would even get there
The suburban delights are missing here
No alone time here
What kind of hell is to be in Las Vegas for a week
You would sleep with a girl named Debra
I did leave Miss Debra to do her thing
My hotel turned out to be a motel
And yes it had feral cats
I could hear water dripping
Sure, that was the dead hooker in the wall
Fresh sponge paint on everything
If you had been raised with a vagina
You never would have accepted that room
Setting me for slaughter
I thought I was dead
You have a story to tell me Mr B
Friday, baby
It is too long
You went to a penthouse party in Las Vegas
No, a Penthouse party in the VIP
I've got no idea how to describe it

Tags: Get Cool NYSE The New York Days Miss Debra No tell motel

Structured Data: Follow-Up to Palegroove Blog Post

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:02:54 -0500

In the my previous post at Palegroove, "Improving your SEO with RSS in 3 easy steps," I shared some insight about how to setup your RSS feed URL's so that they are search engine friendly. After reading the post again, well, I missed explaining why search spiders like feeds so much. The answer is structured data.

PC Magazine defines structured data as, "Data that resides in fixed fields within a record or file. Relational databases and spreadsheets are examples of structured data. Contrast with unstructured data." I'm sure a future revised version will include XML or RSS ;-).

When your content is placed into feeds it has the benefit of being described by a template - structured data. It is described by elements in the feed the same as mine, CNN.com, Apple, Microsoft or anyone else with a RSS feed. RSS is the ubiquitous, defacto standard for syndication. The simplicity of RSS as a standard to describe your content's title, description, dates, content, enclosures, etc makes it a magic API for search engines, developers and database administrators. Your website doesn't do this. It is full of unstructured data.

On your site the post titles could be in a h1-6 tag, div or a legacy table cell with a style applied to it. This makes it harder for search engines to understand your content. Sure, there are insanely engineered algorithms that are in place to create associations between the content on your site and the code that is used to display it, but RSS makes it uniform and much easier for search companies to cache, categorize, rank and re-syndicate your ideas. The primary reason is that the feed describes the data types instead ot telling a browser how to display it.

So, like I said in the last post, "Treat your feeds with the same care that you do your pages," with the caveat that maybe you need to treat them better because the next iteration of the web is being built on structured data.

Tags: RSS SEO structured data feeds seo

Bundle of flowers or bale of hay?

Sat, 23 May 2009 10:05:19 -0500

I am trying to be cute here. After testing out the Google Reader Bundle feature yesterday I came to the quick conclusion that it is a step in the right direction but closer to a bale of hay than a bundle of flowers.

Do you know what goes into a bale of hay? I learned in my years of small town living . . . a 100 plus pounds of unorganized hay and two brown pieces of twine. They're heavy as hell to lift from the bailer, the machine that scrapes up the hay from the field, and only those with the patience to wear long sleeves, jeans and gloves in 90 degree heat are allowed the privilege of participating while they are fresh.

Google Reader's Bundle feature has more similarities to this analogy than I would care to admit. And, yes, when I demoed it I made sure to put on a flannel shirt, Lee jeans and some mittens - the closest thing I now own to leather workman's gloves.

So, here's what I've got for you - there's plenty of room for improvement.

People don't want whole feeds combined to make one massive feed filled with content from the highest level filter that exists, publishers. Well, maybe they do if that is all that you offer. Granular access to content isn't the Holy Grail or what is next . . . it is simply how it should be.

And besides, there have been utilities to combine feeds like this for years. Do you know any of these product names beyond Yahoo Pipes? Remembering Pipes is easy because the last time you used it you told yourself you would never do it again.

A Google Reader Bundle has a web page and a feed . . . an Atom feed, not an RSS feed. Enough said here, it needs a RSS feed. The Atom feed itself is missing critical meta data like title, description, pub date, source, feed item origin, publisher, etc.

As a publisher, my concerns about this initial release of the bundle feature are the missing RSS feed and the lack of associated meta data for the content that makes the bundle. Which begs the next question of what metric is available to know how much additional syndication my content is getting once it has entered the Google Reader Bundle ecosystem? Currently there isn't one that is publicly available and I would venture to say that not for a very long time, if ever, there will be one offered.

With some more work Google can bring new features and hopefully a full set of tools that users and publishers can both use. But in this current state it is still in an insular silo of Google user nerdom. Yes, it still is a walled garden of content, of sharing and privileged consumption. It is a bale of hay.

Tags: Google Reader Bundle RSS feeds bale of hay Atom feeds

Thanks to NYC meetup listeners!

Mon, 18 May 2009 09:38:52 -0500

Now that we've got a little room to breath, both of us wanted to thank everyone that came out for the New York meetup.

Sure it's a little belated but you get it!

It was great to meet all of you and hea your crazy stories . . . it's not wonder we get along so well! Don't worry about knowing more about us than we do you. After you were sufficiently filled with booze and food you told us everything about yourselves ;-).

We're looking forward to the next meetup and the next sets of episodes coming shortly.

Tags: New York Croncast meetup nyc

Season 22 Ep 05: Red Streak, Hamster Flu, Wackadoos

Fri, 01 May 2009 14:03:07 -0500

Croncast - 2009-05-01.mp3
Show: #530
Length: 32:06
Size: 29.5 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Hit up Croncast and leave comment
Online they're called trolls
In the real world they're called haters
Thanks for asking people to tell you something nice
You were having a rough day
Dude's can't call you beautiful
Why are you in public without your mask on?
I ended up with a red streak on my finger
Again!
Back down the sewer drain
No care for the scrape or cut
I'll be fine
Now my finger is throbbing and swelling up
Hello, urgent care
Attacked your meat hook viciously
Everyone in their was wearing a mask
All the wackadoos think they have swine flu
Stay safe while porking
I am worried for their mental health
They could have hamster flu
We're gonna be in NYC next week
Meetup on Thursday night 6'ish not sure on location
Will share that today

Tags: lemon lime gatorade hamster flu wackadoos red streak

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

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Back to the normal . . . sort of
The accidental finders
People searching for cul de sac goatee
People search for that?
We last left you with the heavy mood
That's not what we're about
We're about the laughs
And I brought a funny story
Evidently they didn't have
Keep on bringing it haters
This is from your psycho needy wife
Yeah, hey loser in Fremont, we will continue to block you
Two-thirds of the opportunities are in the NYC
Start-ups are on a short life cycle
Whole life transformation . . . from cul de sac to walk-up
We have lived a city lifestyle before
I just want to have the ability to get another gig without moving after this
We have a lot of listeners in the New Jersey
Figuring out the trade-offs
Closet smoking in the garage
I need to stop that
If you want to have an f'ing discourse ping me
We're 85 percent sure that this is the path
You need to stop watching SVU
Every private school kid is committing the crimes
Mommy is an art dealer
Daddy is an architect
They are never around
Caught in the hot tub
The funniest shit happened to me
When doesn't it
I go outside the comedy shrine to have a smoke
And I locked eyes with a completely naked man
He looked at me like I had infringed his naked time
Was there a reason for him to be naked in his Escalade
This is prep for NYC
I feel like I'm just trying to be normal
And then there is the naked guy!
What time of day was this?
Noon
What was he doing?
I don't know!
You can't help but look at naked people
What do Republicans do at lunch hour?
They have naked time in their car
Rub their nudey butt cheeks on the seat
This had to be a hook-up
A bad Craig's List story
You could write SVU
It had to be Craig's List
You gotta give me the details
He also had hairy shoulders
The clothing party

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Season 22 Ep 04: Closets Full, NYC, Old Art Teacher Garb

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:14:53 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-27.mp3
Show: #529
Length: 34:43
Size: 31.9 mb
Format: mp3

Tags: Escalade naked man NYC SVU Craigslist

Think differently about RSS and its uses

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 09:18:54 -0500

It's been quite a while since I wrote a blog post and it was time to get down with the reality that some things can't be said in 140 characters or less.

Over the weekend, as some of you may of you noticed, I live photo blogged my Saturday afternoon date with Betsy and our trip to Goodwill. For me it was a time to watch Betsy as she navigated her adopted habitat and to see her operate in a way that is far from the norm in our everyday lives.

I knew this was going to be an interesting experience. Why not share it in as many ways as possible (distribution to: Flickr, Twitter, blog and RSS) with as many people as possible? One input with multiple outputs across the various Croncast audiences.

Making it happen is a lot easier than you think with email and RSS.

First. it is the camera phone that takes decent photos. Second, is the phones ability to send email with photo attachments. Third, is a place to email the photos that has an RSS feed or other API connectivity to other applications. Tons of sites like Flickr, Seesmic and Tumblr offer these and can even do some of the distribution for you. Get these three things in place and sharing your experiences in near real-time has never been easier.

Currently, it does take a little more skill to distribute the photos to Twitter. However, if you get creative you can breathe life into photos that wouldn't normally have existed after it was consumed/viewed in a photo sharing site or through an RSS reader. It is worth the effort to figure this out, it's the next stage of content distribution online.

How do I know? Google Reader shared feeds are the perfect example. Typically once someone reads a post in their reader it has reached the end of the line. But if someone shares it with Google Reader it then gets added to the individual users shared RSS feed and resyndicated. A new life for that content. The same goes for photos that end up in Flickr or a Flickr RSS feed.

In my case, live photo blogging and my ability to cast a wider net wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for the Flickr RSS feed from my account. It is the magic API that feeds (pun intended) the river of resyndication that allows me to give that new life to our content.

Here's how it goes down:

1. Upload photo from phone to Flickr with subject line used as image title
2. In the body under the photo begin with an asterisk (*) if I want the photo, title and description to be a blog post also
3. In the body under the photo begin with a carat (^) if I want the title and a link to be a tweet
4. Add both asterisk and carat (*^) for blog and twitter
5. A PHP script grabs the Flickr RSS feed and reads it for asterisks and carats every two minutes and sends the photo, title and description where it needs to go
6. If it goes to the blog the title and description will be run through a keyword generations script
7. If it goes to Twitter only the title is sent and a shortened url is created to link to the photo

What all of this does is allow me to create multiple channels of distribution that can reach the different audiences that follow us. There is a bit of overlap with multiple audience members subscribed to the same services but quite a few are not. We have the Twitter audience, the blog audience, the flickr audience and the RSS audience. We also have our podcast audience but they are not really a part of this type of delivery

Summary: Look for ways to utilize sites like Flickr as a content management portal, if even from your mobile phone, to cast a wider net across your network. Work to find that one point of contact that has the lowest threshold for allowing you to get your media and thoughts online with the ability to resyndicate your content without having to lift a finger. Well, too many fingers. And make sure that it has an RSS feed!

Tags: flickr live photo blogging RSS as API seesmic tumblr twitter

Make better RSS feeds by not making them

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:00:20 -0500

Did you pick the content of the RSS feeds that you are syndicating from your site right now? Or did you let your readers pick?

Within reason my guess would be that most of you answered, yes then no. I know on my sites, even this site, I would have answered the same.

The solution isn't to create more feeds. The best solution is for publishers to create no feeds at all. Let your readers make their own.

Here are a couple examples why this is a better method for content syndication than relying on your own editorial skills.

Example 1: How not to do it.

Don't get me wrong on this, CNET is offering nearly all of its content up for syndication. This is an excellent strategy to create value from older content. However, do readers really need the option of subscribing to 100 plus predefined RSS feeds? Simply, no.

Finding feeds for the topics you are interested in is difficult. The worst of it is that you can only access them individually, i.e.; you want 10 of feeds, copy and paste them one by one into your feed reader. Sounds like a party to me. If you have more skills you might use a service that rolls all of them up into one feed for you. I would guess that about three people have done this.

Why overwhelm your readers like this? And besides, it is pretty intimidating for someone new to the RSS game. Shouldn't they be able to access your content in a way that makes it relevant to them?

Example 2: How to do RSS right.

What you see above is one of two flavors of how to let your readers pick what they receive in RSS feeds. It's a simple and easy to use text input that allows readers to enter keywords and phrases that they want in their feed. There's nothing fancy, easy access to old content in the straight-forward way that RSS is delivered; updates of the newest items first and set number items in the feed, usually twenty-five.

What the second screen shot shows is the magic of thinking differently about RSS feeds. This image demonstrates what happens when someone clicks on the 'advanced' link. The reader is then given control over every aspect of the RSS feed. They choose the content, when it is delivered, how much content, in what order (none of this newest stuff first mumbo jumbo - great use for episodic content) and how many updates to get at a time.

Who is better to choose than the person doing the consuming? RSS needs to be like Burger King where a customer can have it their way.

When this concept is applied to large volumes of content the value of it increases with each new article or podcast. Imagine if you could have this type of access at the NY Times or with your local paper. Even the obits from 30 years ago are now of value again. Value to the reader and value to the publisher with ad inventory.

The future of content syndication isn't in prescriptive channels created by publishers. The future is in the subjective choices of the consumer. They neither need or want every product that you have to offer.

We need to be smarter about our syndicated content via RSS and take into consideration how to make that user experience more satisfying. Whether it is by allowing users to pick topics or order of updates, something needs to change. Why? Because it is all about attention; the premium of which is measured in subscribers, influence and the influence of those subscribers.

Tags: RSS CNET readers consumers interaction

Season 22 Ep 02: Gothar, Alaskan Nomads, Ham Ketchup Sandwich

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 11:26:05 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-17.mp3
Show: #527
Length: 24:15
Size: 22.3 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Bringing it on the Friday!
That's a post, this is a post I know that I am fabulous
Helps promote the show
Give these people a chance
Then the audience swells
My kids can't sleep
More popular than Wired magazine daddy's
I can make a super sandwich
For your daughter
The ham and ketchup sandwich
Fulfilling her need "Scooby Doo Style"
That's on you
Appaloosa is where I am going
Let's count down your shiny chasing skills
Glad you can admit them
You are my little raccoon
Betsy is going to be on the Radio Shopping Show
Gotta give the back story
Rubeeen had been there to show us
Pet a lizard Sure he'll bring the salmonella to your front door
This is my favorite lizard, Gothar
Sure, he's gotta pack the lizards
It's totally worth two hundred bucks
The party phenomenon
Turn it all into a party
What kind of burner are you?
Pipeline or bust
They were on the bust side
We have a token listener in Alaska
Don't even try
Nomad in some populations, transient in our community
I was just that good

Tags: lizard food gothar alaska wired ham sandwich

Season 21 Ep 25: The Breadwinner, Unhandicapped Joke, You'd Love it Here

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 12:45:36 -0500

Croncast - 2009-04-13.mp3
Show: #525
Length: 32:37
Size: 30.1 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Where the shows been?
I'm not well
Hear it in the voice
Why do men get sicker than women?
It is like quantum mechanical
Betsy, he looks really bad
No one was validating
You had a temp of 98.6
That's high for me
Legitimately sick and you just make fun of me
I talked with two people this week
That's it
It manifested as fevers, rashes, sweats, bumps
Let's give the run down
New IRS debt, no longer employed by BlogTalkRadio, starting a new business
Venture Capital is tight and requires travel
Betsy lays it all down . . . what I've learned in comedy . . . so far
Well, you are being paid
That $40 a week is going to take us through
You gotta finish strong
I picked the handicapped guy and made the most inappropriate joke
Well, the audience knew he was handicap . . . but I didn't
Later in the show my pants starts falling down
No laughs at this either
Here I am walking down the street
So what's going on with you guys then?
I'm not going to list it out again
Follow Kris on twitter
Join the Croncast Facebook group
We come around the pillars
There are people just smoking
Blowing smoke in tourists faces
Out of the corner of my eye I see these guys
Then hear, "You got this one, Phil?"
Flicks his cigarette
He's doing the new york fast walk
Of course the cop didn't care
What are you doing in SOHO with a hot dog cart in front of the Prada store?
The place of small dogs, tall women and street vendors on crack
I think you would love New York, Betsy
Sure I almost got robbed
But I even love the filthy, dirty New York
It's got high energy

Tags: Prada Store SOHO breadwinner NYC kidrobot

Season 21 Ep 24: The Mexico Part 3

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 11:52:03 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-30.mp3
Show: #524
Length: 41:24
Size: 38 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

When, when, when, when
This was supposed to go out Friday
Maggie has been insanely sick
What happens when you read all of these Oprah books?
It should come with a six pack of Xanax
Difficult times?
Write a book
You need to change your name to Kristina
Sending email as Kris Smith
People would respond to me as a woman<
br> So I had to make it Kristopher Smith Wait, Mr B
I have to give a shout out to Carrie, thanks for coming to my show
The Mexico Part 3 begins now
Betsy, you are at the buffet, go . . .
If I had known that they served guacamole breakfast, lunch and dinner
Standing at the buffet
A woman sidles up next to me
"What part of Canada are you from?"
I speak like that because I lived in Milwaukee for a few years
Where's that?
Wisconsin
Is that a big city?
All the push ups that you do
They could throw a rock at it
She was wearing the crocs
Then I scanned the room and it was covered in crocs
That is he face of colonialism
Later . . .
I'm the only American
What is the most expensive shit you got behind this bar?
Grand Marnier on the rocks the entire trip
Do you want to know how to cook the guacamole?
He was like a bull fighter
Super hot
Fellas watch out for this
They will whisk you wife away
The Italian says, "You mean this prison"
You must leave this compound
They will take you to the jungle
They get electricity for 2 hours a day
It is wonderful
Deciding to go deep see fishing
How did you get over the shark fear?
We were stuck at the front gate
How many signs do you need?
It was like a road block
We were there on a gift certificate
I'm thinking that this will be so nice
The authentic Mexican experience awaits
We get to the place
Sure, it would have have been authentic
But didn't the charter company name tell you all you needed to know?
Captain Rick's
It should have
Yeah, if it were Captain Ricardo's
On the boat with a Canada
They start swearing at us in Spanish
Turns out I am the only one that knows it
I kept my mouth shut
Betsy catches Dory (see photo in post)
"Chocha Grande"
How is the fish doing?
Mas muerto
They pull it back into the boat
Cut up Dory and turned her into chum
We had Captain Bicho
More protected species were caught
Chopped and chum
Chocha account is over 11 at this point
I'm the bloke, right
Don't be a chocha Mr B

Tags: Crocs Canadian Tourists The Mexico GrandMarnier

Season 21 Ep 23: The Mexico Part 2

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:55:13 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-25.mp3
Show: #523
Length: 33:08
Size: 30.4 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Introducing our driver, Rueben
Pronounced Rue - been
You'll understand why shortly
We're on the homepage in iTunes podcast store
In the parenting category
You're the whip cream
I am the pie to your whip cream
Does that mean we are getting divorced?
Rueben has discussing the directions that the Montana girls gave him
Nervous like Mom telling me, "Let's go to TJ to buy school supplies"
Sterling silver bangles
Hurling off into the middle of nowhere
The jungle begins flying by
Look at that, it's great
Is it abandoned?
Right, just like central Illinois
Look at you, getting all metric
Jungle was 20 km away
Fine, how about 20 clicks?
Betsy gets scared and starts talking
The Montana girls want you shut up
Actually, it was Erasure
Luggage in my lap
Moobs are getting damp
Rueben rolled up all the windows the moment we got in
4 adult Americans and one Mexican adult
Our bodies use more energy, seriously
They throw the old road next to the new road
You might need a chunk later
It'll have the rebar in it right away
Betsy asked to see the girls' directions
Oh my, God
"OK, like this is going to be so great. Take a left I don't know where, crappy town and it has a number 4."
Betsy's rendition of this is priceless, you have to listen
Around the crappy town, around and around
Forty minutes later we're still circling the town
Weaponry was at full blaze in plenty of places
Security is tight at Goodwill but not like this
Rueben speaks three words of English - yes, no and maybe
And he doesn't know what either of them mean
Don't fly to a foreign country without the address of where you are going
If I were on this trip with Jeanie
No Mrs. and Mrs. Montana it would have been safe!
The highlight of my trip was passing the local airport
I think it's called . . .
Rueben whips around, "Nooooooooooooooooo"
We were 20 clicks from were we supposed to be in the opposite direction
He hands the directions to the armed guard
We find the joint
The girls tip him like $1.50 USD
Rueben peels out in reverse
We hit our heads on the back window
But we arrived in one piece
Colonialism is alive and well
You can't tell me that you didn't breath a sigh of relief
Happy to be alive and I need a burger
The next four days became a huge pain in the ass
Look at these awful white people and their destruction of paradise
While, asking me to rub aloe on my back

Tags: Mexico Vacation Dreams Tulum Rueben the montanas colonialism

Season 21 Ep 21: Doggy DNA Test, Marsupial Wife, Trustafarians

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:10:28 -0500

Croncast - 2009-03-13.mp3
Show: #521
Length: 30:57
Size: 28.2 mb
Format: mp3

Show us some love and leave us a review at iTunes

Here we are
March 13th, 2009
Yep, I said it
iTunes has a new fancy feature
Still us reviews
"Betsy's good...Kris is better"
The studio space, manpit remodel has helped my mental state
What are you reaching for?
Betsy is wearing a hoody
Paper in front pocket
My marsupial wife
Doggy DNA test results have arrived
I wish you get down with the fact that Herc is a porn star
My fauxberman is . . .
Want to find out? We get into at 1:50 into the show
He's 25% nothing?
WTF? how much did you pay for this
Finding out what composes a vajayjay slayer
His doberman shining
American terrier? uh no
Picking him up from the rescue
I expected as everyone else did he would be full grown dobie
The Amex Full Panel Mixed Breed Analysis says . . .
Well, my emotions are getting the best of me
No more pitbull in sweater photos please
Betsy's new show is rocking like crazy
Elliot's teacher is sitting front row
Oh, baby
You're like a stress bunny
Sure when you were baked
You have to check out Betsy's facebook profile
See her college shots that Jeanie uploaded
Do you have a trust fund too?

Tags: dog dna test Amex Panel Mixed Breed Analysis fauxberman trustafarian

No show today

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:43:20 -0600

Hey guys, pretty sure you figured this one out but there is no show for today. Things around casa de Smith have been pretty nuts since Monday and for the immediate future it will probably continue.

With that said, you can expect a Friday show to follow Betsy's opening night at the Comedy Shrine here in Naperville. I'm sure it will follow our example of 'life is show prep'.

Tags: Comedy Shrine Naperville Besty Smith improv naperville