toe | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 12: New Hag, Betsy in Boystown, Cut to the Chase

Mon, 05 May 2008 13:05:52 -0500

Croncast - 2008-05-05.mp3
Show: #487
Length: 29:40
Size: 20.4 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

Cinco de Mayo
The drink comments spilled over
Work with me
Comment on the proper post and subject
You should be embarrassed to drink that in front of other people
It's a weird girly drink
If it's the only drink you are going to drink for the night
One tumbler
You just took the story to a whole new level
Oh, bears
I feel really good about closing out Croncast and moving on
There are legal concerns with letting listeners choose
Everything is an impeding legal issue
I can't even say v$deo pr0fe$$or anymore
My sister wanted to come to Karl's with me
Your sister needs to cut to the chase
You can thank me later when you wake up in your own vomit
Sometimes threesomes are weird
Half the audience just said, "Why, yes they are"
Not that kind!
My friend is super
Maybe they were looking for a new hag
Did you wear open toe shoes?
That might have confused him
Becoming a stripper at 33
That is wrong
It is time to retire at 33 for most strippers
You have a glamorous view of strippers
You are nuts
There is nothing glamorous about stripping as a career
I don't dread these things
What you can and can't comment on

Tags: Chicago girly drink new hag boystown careers

Season 19 Ep 26: Kick Ass Mustache, Spilled Coffee, Toe Rings

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:54:07 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-28.mp3
Show: #473
Length: 11:17
Size: 7.84 mb
Format: mp3

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Shout to Mike Dunn
You are digging yourself a hole Kris
Walking in NYC is not like walking anywhere else on the planet
Like a mommy in the morning?
Putting on deodorant walking down the block
Not one person looked at me sideways
Don't ask him for money
I love New York
I want to live someplace with a goat
They won't let me have a goat in New York
Well, when it poops they would see it
People just might want to eat your goat
It would poop and you would chasing chocolate marbles on the sidewalk
She had toe rings
That was it getting on the plane
The kids keep going ape
I knock her Starbucks down and spill it
I am in row one, so I can get out quick
I really wanted to help this woman
Especially, when the chubby hamster next to you spills your coffee
She says, "Let me clean it up"
She put on her toe rings thinking today would be different
Did you get a toe ring to the face?
Turns out to be Billy Bob Thornton?
No
He was four Billy Bobs
Did you put on deodorant before you got on the plane?
When the person next to you seeks comfort
She starts weeping
I felt like such an asshole
It was not just the coffee it was the culmination of lots of things
We really need to go
And that is it. This is such a short show.
The kids are wired
Spilled Coffee
Kris is sick
Regular shows and show notes Monday.

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: New York City toe rings Mike Dunn mustache spilled coffee

Season 19 Ep 22: Workahol, Collecting Pennies, Astro Van

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:50:33 -0500

Croncast - 2008-03-19.mp3
Show: #469
Length: 27:10
Size: 18.7mb
Format: mp3

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Taking you to the hospital was a bit comedic
You are such an ass
Listen, it had to be done
I asked you not to put that picture on the internet
You did and then 20 minutes later you said put it up
Technologically challenged isn't something you can plead
Sell all of your clothes and buy an iPod
That is the way it should be done
"We're going to have to start an IV"
No, no, no
It gave me a flashback to giving blood
Those self-satisfied, holier than though bloodletting freaks
Sitting around sipping orange juice and eating vanilla wafers
Even the dancing blood drop
He is the smuggest prick around
I've had two children the IV was the worst part
Just do it
Don't tell me about it
This was a serious deal
You couldn't let this thing fester
I was down here digging ditches for you
I am going to get you a bottle a Workahol
I gotta be here to support you
Waskily wabbit do I need to you to show up in a crisis
The tables were completely reversed
You give me
You gotta put the antibacterial stuff on on it
Clean your dog bite wounds right away
You should immediately go to hospital for wound
Can you scratch my butt with your tooth
Then you get bitten
Now it is trying to kill you
The other angle that is happening
No you are trying to work from your mobile phone
Betsy went off the deep end
You became party Betsy
I did like 30 minutes of stand up
Filling in the gaps for Betsy
Then you did the laugh
I can't stand the whole blood thing
She hit a good vein
The nurse goes "Whoah!"
"You don't feel that?"
They just cut you
You're gonna be ok though
I have it on video
I know, the nurse didn't think to stop me
That won't hold up in court when you say Macy's dressing room
There was blood everywhere
The blood pooled in your elbow pit
Yeah, and you were over there drinking your Workahol
The ball was in court
Yes, it was kind of humorous
You were twittering the whole time
I wasn't doing that
I will scroll through your twitter record
You got through it very well
As an outpatient they said, double the drugs
Bit by the meanest shihtzu on the planet
During the intake you have to fill out the dog attack form
The dogophilia love that you suffer from
I knew the answer would be . . . it wasn't the dogs fault, it was mine
You people are crazy
It is the abuse gene
There were other women at the hospital say the same thing
Two nurses said the same thing!
My 15 yo dog bit me too
I know it was my fault and you laughed with her
You domesticated a wolf and invited it into your home
It is not your fault that they bite you
It is part of their nature
Mostly subdued but it is inherent in their personalities
Speaking of 15 pound one toothed animals
I saw Billy Bob Thornton and his band play in Austin
Riding in a Lesbian's Astro Van to dinner
She has a huge freezer bag full of stuff
It is dried peppers and tomatoes
He starts to eat some
The convince some people to try it
She's got the sweet Astro van
I know not to eat strange food in a mini van with two lesbians
What is it season with?
It as a 0 point yeast
The guy next to me spits it out across my lap
A zero point yeast!
Billy Bob Thornton was playing at Antone's
Real pennies prior to 1982

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

Tags: astro van shihtzu bite workahol collecting pennies zero point yeast gum

this here's a brago

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 09:11:51 -0600

this is my favorite breakfast food. Served only at amante coffee. ingredients: potatoes, eggs, ham and some kind of flat bread. delicious.

One of my main reasons for coming on this trip.

Tags: brago amante coffee boulder, co trip coffee

Hulu is here (for late, late beta testers)

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 22:12:43 -0600

Which of course means me! Most of the bugs have probably been worked out of Hulu but I am excited, nonetheless, to have received my temporary login and password tonight. Why? Gems like this baby from 1983.

They got new episodes of shows like Heroes and The Office from last week but A-Team episodes are a prize.

In the first five minutes of using Hulu I like it about 99x better than Joost. I would kick it up to 100x they had a premium service that would let me download the videos. But from what I read in the Terms of Use item #4 that hasn't been ruled out.

Without downloads comparing this to iTunes would be like comparing Apples (oh, I kill me) and oranges. At this point I'm not quite sure that Hulu attempting to be iTunes. Let me stress, at this point. Since NBC pulled Heroes from iTunes they have to be missing that revenue.

Signs that making I'll be making this comparison in the future: in the playlist section of the site an RSS feed is created for the shows I add to my playlist and the portability of the video via Flash Player embed. It wouldn't surprise me if client side software is on the way soon.

The real downers for me right now are site nav, downloading and no Mad TV episodes. I'll post back in a couple days about this but I am pretty sure that I will be sharing more videos before that.

Tags: A-Team The Office Hulu hulu no downloads MadTV

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Tickets are on sale now for the live show . . . get your's or find out more

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Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

Betsy and her husband Kris May 04, 2007

Fri, 04 May 2007 08:47:11 -0500

Croncast - 2007-05-04.mp3
Show: #358
Length: 31:50
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris May 04, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks to all those signed up already!.

Show notes soon . . . I just want to get the show out. For those of you who missed the blog post there were some technical difficulties with the recording.

Also I want to apologize to you guys for today's show and the one from Wednesday. I have had some stuff going on around here, business related, that was stressing every one around the house out. It is straightened out now, but was a big deal that took up most of my attention and now that we are getting it square my brain is thanking me by turning to jelly as the intensity of the situation is subsiding.Thanks again for listening!

Send your server support: $50 bucks gets you an autographed Goodwill mug. More amounts to come.

This money, btw, is going to server costs to keep the show up and running.

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Elmo's World summer vacation roast and mashed potoatoes baby sitting little deaf dog

Betsy and her husband Kris Oct 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 06:26:08 -0500

Croncast - 2006-10-27.mp3

Show: #290
Length: 49:12
Size: 33.8 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris October 27, 2006

Kris points out the Croncast blog
When I made the site it was judging what's most important
The news section is for stuff like Betsy stubbed her toe
We will present for the first time ever a podcast fashion
Betsy models her QVC stuff that arrived a couple days ago
The Quality Value Convenience Fashion show Fall 2006
We have a topic . . . holy shit this is like a real show
Fashion show begins:

One night me and a box of wine ordered a bunch of stuff off there!

Stretch Cordury Animal Print - A snake humped a dairy cow - Flattering or Fattering?

The official pant suit of Wisconsin

What if you wanted to wear it open for another look?

Suitable for dating Dick Cheney orange.

End Fashion Show

Betsy talks about being a victim of car prejudice
Betsy goes dumpster diving in her QVC and her new car
She is a professional dumpster diver for 5 years
When the police roll by
All the looks . . ."she must be moving"
The Volvo just saved me
If I had been driving Slowsky, I would have been in the pokey with the kids
Teaching our children to break the law
Betsy's haunt is behind Old Navy
More moments of the day with Betsy
Getting out of tickets
Tubby the Love Bucket from Goodwill makes a return appearance
Halloween at Goodwill is the big season
Last year's Target outfits
Taking the dog to get fixed
The veterinarian sales pitch to upgrade all the doggy treatments
Social work joint for career day in high school . . . Kris
I don't know if I could work the rest of my life
Making the choice
Kris doesn't drink and sometimes that can be strange
The "You don't drink" look
Kris goes all out until he burns out, my aptitude for addiction
Warning: NOT KID SAFE AT ALL!
What follows is 23 minutes of phone call follow up good luck dear listener

1) Fill out the appropriate form for you - *New* Listener or Get a Handle (current listener)
2) Verify your email address (Activates and qualifies those with a "Handle")
3) *New* listeners get activated and qualified by using their special RSS feed
4) 300th new listener and the person whose Handle they use win iPods AND
5) A drawing for 2 more iPods from everyone who entered!

Tags: QVC Volvo V70 Tubby the Love Bucket aptitude for addiction Halloween

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 119

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 19:01:18 -0500

Croncast - 2005-09-07.mp3

Show: #160
Length: 35:59
Format: mp3
Bit rate: 64 kbs
Size: 16.5 mb

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris 119

We are all set to do more shows!! Equipment issue fixed.

Betsy can't figure out how to vote at Rockstar INXS site
Thanks to Byron from the DNC ;-) for the $$
Can't tell some of Betsy's stories
The tear off for the abused man
Kids and pets are nearly the same
Evacuees will coming to a suburb near us, time to volunteer
Never use a black light on a teenage boys' room especially after they have moved out of your house
Betsy's mom's daily reminder that we smell
Drinking champagne from the toes
Kidapalooza makes sure you are old
The Betsy ear round-up: Kris got it wrong all week because he doesn't listen
Doggie door today?
Pump and dump the dye isn't going to cut it

Tags: betsy croncast kris husband reminder

Croncast - Betsy and her husband Kris

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 22:55:07 -0600

Croncast-2004-11-17.mp3 16.9 mb 36:58 64k

Today's Show

Changing name of show - shout out to Shane
New shitty mics
Hot audio
Maternity pants for men
Texas cross dresser
Kris's domain names
Her husband Kris Show
Maybe first commercial
Son's hair
Lazy
God Damn Wal-Mart to Hell
Stop with the politics
Aldi's
Shout out to Jeanie (I propably spelled this wrong)
TKK
Drunks
Wal-Mart again
Betsy's monkey toes

Tags: kris wal mart shout croncast